Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives
Kitsune buys strange outside-world goods!
Like, people are totally weird. Like, I'm not even exaggerating. You have like, normal weirdos, the ones which like say random rhymes or dance as they walk, and then you get super-weirdos... and the totally weird thing is that usually these super weirdos are like, the ones that seem the most quiet and normal.
One of these unexpected super-weirdos is none other than Ran Ya- I mean, Ran Dawitsu. I see her around every now and then coming to the Moriya Shrine to give offerings with her husband, and I hear she shops at the Human Village... all in all, she's just a normal woman. Yet when I decided to do a piece on the outside-world goods at Kourindou, I came across Ran buying a bunch of... strange things.
There was like, a black leather outfit of some sort, a dummy-like thing that you would give a baby, boots with these spiky wheels on them, and... what seemed to be a whip. Like, I saw a story in this somewhere, and decided to ask her some questions.
Hatate: Like, hey Ran! Whatcha buying?
Ran: (turns red and begins to stuff the goods into a bag) Buying? Buying? I'm not buying anything...
Hatate: You totally were! One of them was like, a whole bunch of leather! What's it all for? You going to some sort of special event?
Ran: Um... uh... yes! It's called the... the... Gensokyan Leather Club! I'm... I'm in it, and so's Keine Kamishirasawa and...
Hatate: Like... why would such a cow-like youkai be into dried dead cow skin?
Ran: Damn it... I mean... uh... because... she's vaguely cannibalistic?
Hatate: Funny, I like recall a story about you being called that by that knife-throwing maid.
Ran: Well, maybe we're two of a kind!
Hatate: Like, what does your husband think of this? Like, being in a club with his boss? Does he know about the club?
Ran: (goes red again) Oh, he'll know about the gimp suit...
Hatate: Like, what did you just say?
Ran: (becomes nervous) Oh, I didn't say anything, I was just talking to myself, I should be getting going, the club meeting will start shortly.
Hatate: Can I come see this club? I've never heard of it, I might be able to write a story about it. And what's a 'gimp suit'? Is that the leather outfit in that bag?
Rinnosuke: That'll be five thousand yen. And to answer your question, tengu, a gimp suit is a suit that covers the whole body and...
Ran: (cuts Rinnosuke off and pushes the money in his face) It... it is the name of the suit, but you... you can't come to the club meeting.
Hatate: (pouts) Oh, why not? I won't bother you...
Ran: It's... it's just private. M-members only, you know? Um... b-bye!
She like, then ran out of the store, but I noticed she was going the wrong way from Kourindou, instead going towards her house up above the Hakurei Shrine, so I was like, totally shocked. I followed her, using my years of journalistic experience in following fellow women home, and then watched her through the window. She like, went into one of the house's lift things, and I brought myself up to the higher-level windows and checked the various rooms.
I finally found her in a bedroom, where she took out the weird leather suit, and began to hug it and dance around like a little girl. She then took out the spiky-wheeled boots, and pricked herself on her finger with the spikes, making some kind of weird pleasure noise.
At that point I burst out laughing, and she noticed me, and she turned super, super, super red, and I like, then forced myself to do what Aya would do and break through the window.
Hatate: Like, caught red-handed! Or should I say red-faced! Pretty small club ya got there.
Ran: This... this isn't happening...
Hatate: Oh, like, it is. So, like, what is all this?
Ran: My... my... my fetish collection.
Hatate: Your... your what? But there's a high-topped boot with spike-wheels, a dummy, a whip and that weird suit... are... are these for your husband?
Ran: Well, they're for me, but Dawitsu will wear the three pieces of clothing, and I'll have the whip...
Hatate: Oh. Um... and are they for...
Ran: (is utterly broken at this point) ...yes, yes, they're for sex.
Hatate: How could whatever you're doing with these things possibly count as sex?
Ran: (sighs) I'll tell you if you don't put the details in the newspaper.
Hatate: Like... I make no promises.
Ran: Fine, here they are... (she whispers into my ear some totally horrible things. Like, honestly, I wouldn't put them here even if I could. All I can say is it like, involves Ran being the shikigami master and enforcing her will with a whip... but no more.)
Hatate: So... like, you'll put that in his...
Ran: Yes.
Hatate: And wrap that around...
Ran: Yes.
Hatate: ...all while being spanked? That seems kind of impossible if you don't...
Ran: ...I will.
Hatate: (pauses for a while) ...admittedly, that last part's kinda hot.
Ran: Well, it's good to know at least one person shares some my turn-ons...
Hatate: Like, I haven't met anyone with tastes like that. Are you sure your husband's cool with that?
Ran: Well, of course... he loves me.
Hatate: Like, I didn't ask you if he loved you, I asked if he's cool with all this. Did you tell him about all this? Like, tell the truth this time.
Ran: ...okay, okay, I didn't tell him, but he's always been fine with what I do. Sure, every now and then his mind goes blank, but I like it when he doesn't move.
Hatate: You're kinda sick.
Ran: I'm... I'm not sick, it's normal for a healthy woman to have her tastes.
Hatate: It's normal for women to wrap whips around their lovers'...
Ran: ...you know what I mean!
Hatate: Like, no, I honestly don't.
Ran: Well, my love-muffin loves me, he'll be fine with all this!
Hatate: Pfffff... love-muffin? GAHAHAHA!
Ran: (turns red) HE LOVES MY NICKNAMES! SHUT UP!
Hatate: What does he call you? His foxy lady?
Ran: Yes, as a matter of fact.
Hatate: (is dumbstruck) Well, like, you were made for one another, I guess.
Ran: Hm? (her ears prick up) I... I hear something.
Hatate: Like, you're right, it's like...
Ran: ...someone's coming. (the door is then heard knocking, and Dawitsu's voice is heard)
Dawitsu: Hey, Ran, you in there? I decided to get home early, spend some time with you and Chen. I got you a present too.
Ran: Oh... I'll... I'm... changing.
Hatate: Yeah, like, she's changing.
Dawitsu: What the... Hatate? Why are you in there... while Ran's changing? No, it can't be... (he opens the door) ...I knew it, you're... calmly discussing things over a gimp suit, cowboy boots, fake dummy and whip? And here I was hoping for some girl on girl...
Ran: Honey, you know I'd never cheat on you!
Hatate: Yes, honey... (snickers)
Dawitsu: So... um... yeah. Ran's a freak when it comes to this stuff. I guess it's out of the question for you not to publish whatever story you have in that pad of yours?
Hatate: I've already kept one of your secrets, mimicker, this one's going out to the world!
Ran: (sighs) ...sorry, love-muffin...
Hatate: Like, how can you not find that inherently funny? Anyway, like, I have one last question before I go, and it's for Ran's love-muffin.
Dawitsu: It's okay, Ran. As long as you didn't do anything crazy like tell her what your exact fantasy is or anything, it's cool. Anyway, go on, Hatate...
Hatate: Like... are you cool with all of that super kinky stuff your wife's into?
Dawitsu: (facepalms as Ran blushes further, before working himself to calmness) Of course I'm fine with it... in fact, I'm so happy to see all this stuff that I think we should test them out now... (turns to Ran, rubs noses with her) ...what do you say, my fluffy foxy lovey dove?
Ran: (seems to miss the over-the-top nature of it, instead swoons) Oh, honey, I would love to...
Hatate: (begins to back towards the broken window) Uh... like... um... I should... go. I... I'll see you guys... um... later... and... (climbs out of window and starts to fly) ...uh, yeah... just like... take your time or something... bye!
And like, I don't wanna know if they ended up doing what Ran wanted from all that weird stuff. Like, honestly, that woman is so weird that she makes Aya seem normal! Ha ha, oh, like, I'm only kidding, though. No-one's as weird as Aya.
So yeah... remember for future, if you see a pretty, normal girl or a handsome, stud of a guy walking through the streets and you decide to hit one them... just make sure to like, totally follow them around everywhere. If they're stopping at Kourindou, they could be a weirdo in disguise, and you should totally avoid them lest you get married to them and be stuck with their kinky tastes forever!
Unless, like, you're into that kinda thing.
Article written by Hatate Himekaidou
Present-day hindsight: Weird? WEIRD? How am I in any way weird?
Stupid Hatate, thinking she's in any position make jokes about me with all her 'likes', 'totallys' and 'supers'. Not to mention she's as gay as a bent rainbow singing Liberace. What? I've listened to some of Dawitsu's music collection, I know who they are...