Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives
Mad Scientist Youkai finishes sinister project!
Like, it's been a while since there's been any super-crazy stories, hasn't it? I like, thought I'd never find something cool for this issue, but I did. Like, remember all those years ago at that science fair hosted by Kanako Yasaka? Well, there was, like, a totally disqualified entry, if you recall, and it turns out that in response, this scientist is out for revenge.
I discovered it one night when I was, like, taking a walk by the mountain river, when front the weird house in the Youkai Forest with the two magician youkai in it, I heard evil laughing, a maniacal sort of chuckling that could be heard from outside. Then, I heard the mad scientist say in an... admittedly adorable voice, "IT'S COMPLETE! IT'S FINALLY COMPLETE!"
Now, I resolved to find out what evil project this is, and after detailed spirit photography work, I came to the conclusion that all projects that scientists laugh maniacally after they complete are certainly schemes to take over the world!
As such, I decided to confront the mad scientist before she launched her evil campaign, and the next day, invaded... er... paid a visit to her house!
Hatate: Like, sorry for intruding! Except I'm not because you're a mad scientist!
Yutaka: (is kissing Patchouli Knowledge somewhat passionately, breaks off) What on earth? Can't you see we're busy?
Hatate: Busy plotting your world conquest?
Patchouli: No, busy building up to sexual intercourse. Please leave.
Hatate: (takes a picture) Not so fast! I heard evil laughing last night and I want answers! What sort of plan are you planning, you evil... planners?
Yutaka: Oh... um... the evil laughing was me, I'm afraid.
Hatate: Ah! And you, Patchouli Knowledge, you can't plead ignorance! You were in he very same house when she laughed!
Patchouli:Well, yes, but it is a gesture of relief. It was an arduous project she had finished, after all...
Hatate: I bet it was! Now, I remember you saying you wanted to cause an incident just like that boss of yours or whatever, so, like, what gives?
Yutaka: Look, this isn't an incident, it's just a book, let me go into the library and...
Hatate: ...and give you a chance to unveil your super-secret weapon of death on me?
Yutaka: Who do you think you are, Aya?
Hatate: In fairness, this is kinda what Aya would do, but like, I have back-ups. You had the laugh, the evil scientist laugh!
Yutaka: Look, do you want to follow me into the library to make sure? I swear, it's just a book on sentient life-form biology and species classification. Follow me and...
Hatate: ...get led into a trap?
Patchouli: Yutaka, negotiating with this paparazzi is futile, you know this...
Yutaka: Surprisingly, I actually kind of have faith in this one. It's Aya that I would never trust...
Hatate: Like, I'll take that as a compliment. Maybe you aren't evil after all. Like, okay, let's see...
Yutaka: (smiles) Good, come with me, I'll show you the book. (leads Hatate down a set of stairs, with Patchouli following shortly after)
Hatate: So, like, what's the book abou- (suddenly, sirens blare and lights pulse)
Strange, artificial voice: Intruder alert, intruder alert! Sentient being with unknown ID detected.
Yutaka: Oh, no...
Hatate: Like, I knew it, it's a trap!
Yutaka: I know this looks really bad, but...
Hatate: (rushes over to a tank full of electric eels) Like, look at these monstrosities! Surely evocative of an evil scientist's laboratory!
Patchouli: Please don't take flash photographs, the eels are sensitive...
Hatate: (proceeds to take many pictures) Huh, what did you say, potential evil overlords? Couldn't hear you over the sirens.
Yutaka: (turns the sirens off) No flash photography! Seriously, I'm not trying to take over the...
Hatate: (picks up a book) 'How to create a parallel universe'... interesting...
Patchouli: Let's face it, Yutaka, every book she'll pick up will incriminate us even more...
Yutaka: But we're genuinely not plotting anything, I don't want to be defamed in their newspaper...
Patchouli: No-one believes their newspaper anyway.
Yutaka: True...
Hatate: Hey, I'm hearing and writing down everything you say! So, like, why'd you try to kill me?
Yutaka: If we wanted that, I wouldn't have turned off the security system.
Hatate: The fact you have a security system alone is sus- actually, I am starting to sound like Aya, maybe I should, like, stop?
Yutaka: Is she... coming to her senses?
Patchouli: It is likely only temporary. She'll return to her story-mongering ways in about-
Hatate: Like, I get it! The book you finished was about recreating the universe in your image!
Yutaka and Patchouli: About three seconds.
Hatate: Okay, like, seriously, why is there a book on making parallel universes here?
Yutaka: It's a simplistic book with fun facts about quantum physics. The book I wrote is 'The Biology of Sentient Humanoids: a comprehensive study'. I didn't write the book on creating parallel universes, because...
Hatate: Because, like, otherwise, you'd have made one already!
Yutaka: Exactly! Now, will you please leave me alone?
Hatate: But like... now I have no story.
Yutaka: Ugh... fine. I also intend on reforming the universe into a place where all the planets naturally tend towards a shape resembling my face due to an altered version of the laws of gravity. Happy now?
Hatate: Yeah, like, of course! Thanks! (attempts to leave the library, but the stairs infinitely loop)
Yutaka: Oh yeah, let me disable that... (lifts arms)
Hatate: Kay, thanks! (leaves)
So, like, you heard it right there! The next incident is gonna be these weirdo scientist magicians making a parallel universe, and if I know anything about mad scientists, it'll lead to some scary parallel world monsters to come into the world and become a bigger threat than the scientists! Like, you heard it first here, in the Bunbunmaru Spirit News!
Article written by Hatate Himekaidou.
Present-day hindsight: Ugggh, her modus operandi looked like it was improving right until she stopped acting like me. I mean, come on, what's wrong with acting like me? I'm PERFECT! Yeesh, way to make a sensational article so obviously fake. In the end no-one bought Hatate's hype. Why this is in the archives is anyone's guess.