08.04.11
BAIL MONEY
I'd just like to clear one thing up before we get started.
Before last year, I had not seen either of my grandparents since I was a very young child. My dad's own parents had died before I was born, and with no aunts, uncles, or cousins, it was always just me and him. The cards they sent on my birthday had generic poems printed in flowery font and a check for 2000 yen. That's it.
Needless to say, I was pretty indifferent to it and them by the time I was in my early teens. Dad certainly didn't talk about them, not even when those cards came in the mail. If they didn't care about us, why should we care about them?
I carried that resolve, never intending to break it, but I guess there was always a very, very small part of me deep, deep, deep down that kind of maybe missed them a tiny bit. I could vaguely remember their visits from when my mom was still alive. They treated me like a princess, buying me dresses and dolls and a bunch of other stuff I stopped caring about when I was seven. I imagine there was already hostility towards dad, but at least back then, Mom was around to keep the peace. Once she was gone, so went that.
So contrary to what the last post may have implied, I wasn't unhappy that my Grandparents wanted to bridge fences. These days, we hear from them once or twice a week, they visit once or twice a month. They've even offered to pay part of my tuition when I start college next year. I've been trying to politely turn them down, as I'd prefer to carry my own weight, but they are very persistent. So I am happy to have them back, and I was that day too, really!
I just wish their timing wasn't so mind-bogglingly abysmal.
Seriously, any other day would have been wonderful. Had I not had a group of houseguests that needed bailing out of prison, I would have been perfectly happy to sit at the kitchen table for over an hour and reminisce and listen to crazy stories from my parent's dating years. Of course, there would then be the problem of my group of houseguests actually being in my house, but that's another matter entirely.
Had this been the case, I know I wouldn't have sat rigid and pale with sweat running down my face while Dad obliviously regaled Grandma and Grandpa with the tale of his and Mom's first date at the water park (something about an expired coupon and some kid who lost his floaties, I don't get it either).
I think the kitchen clock had broken along with that toaster oven. Every time I looked at it, it read the exact same time and never changed. Now that I think about it, that may have had something to do with the fact that at this point, I'd looked at it close to thirty times in rapid succession.
I fisted my denim pants as hard as I could, fingers quivering from the strain. I kept my head bent low, praying they wouldn't notice as I tried over and over again to calm myself down and focus. I was never going to get out of this mess if I did nothing but freak out. I needed a plan and I needed one fast.
'The emergency cash is in the bedroom,' I thought, my inner voice speaking at as calm and slow a pace as I could manage. 'I just need to excuse myself to the bathroom, it's right next to dad's room. I can run in when they're not looking, grab the money, and…'
My body slumped lower.
'This'll never work. Not only is it technically stealing, but how am I supposed to get out of the house without getting caught? They're definitely going to see me leave and even if they don't, they'll realize I'm gone eventually. I really don't want to leave the androids in jail all night.'
All that did was bring another, equally unpleasant thought to light.
'Oh God, how am I going to explain this to them? I have a half dozen SEX androids living in this apartment! That is not going to go over well. Just great. I have no way out of this!'
"Haruhi, are you alright?"
I jumped, my back slamming into the chair as I came to attention. Grandpa looked taken aback, and I wondered how many times he'd called my name before I finally reacted.
"Uh- Yes? Yes, I'm fine," I coughed, struggling to maintain a smile that didn't look too obviously fake.
Somehow, he bought it. I'm pretty sure I'm not that good an actress, but I won't complain. Grandpa cracked a smile, his wrinkled skin looking moreso all of a sudden. He gave a raspy chuckle and patted me on the head affectionately. I would have stopped him, but the action made me freeze for a moment as deeply buried memories dug themselves free. He used to do that all the time when I was little.
Dad let out a high-pitched laugh right then, a small, softer one accompanying him. You couldn't hear the latter unless you listened very carefully. It was amazing how convincingly female my father could be sometimes, right down to having a better feminine laugh than an actual woman.
"Oh, that's quite the story," Grandma said amidst her dying laughter. "I can't believe Kotoko never told us."
"That's mostly my fault," Dad admitted, smiling apologetically. "It was kind of embarrassing and I didn't want anyone to know. Looking back all these years later, I think I get why Kotoko wanted to tell people, it's a laugh riot."
This brought about a second round of infectious chuckles. I found myself giggling softly along with them, though I hadn't actually paid attention to the story or anything that didn't have twelve numbers arranged in a circular shape and made a tense, rhythmic ticking once per second.
I had to get out of this.
I had to get out of this fast.
I had to get out of this over an hour ago.
I couldn't imagine how the androids were handling jail. Tamaki was probably a wreck, and I doubt the twins would be helping the situation much. Hunny would be okay as long as Mori was with him, he might even see it as a game or something. Mori himself, I honestly had no idea what he'd be thinking. He'd be quiet and calm as ever, but beyond that, I had no idea. Kyoya would take it the easiest, that I knew for sure. He was the adaptable one, and if the nature of their crimes had been anything else, I bet he'd be able to talk their way out of it. It would be even easier if they could get Tamaki to calm down for five minutes and spin one of his tall tales, earn the policemen's sympathy again.
Seeing as that clearly wasn't happening, I needed a plan. I wasn't going to be able to make one with my impromptu family reunion all around me. What I needed now was some quiet alone time. I pushed my chair out and stood, getting everyone's attention.
"Haruhi, is something wrong?" asked my dad.
"Sorry," I said with a bow. "I need to use the bathroom, I'll just be a few minutes."
I turned and left quickly, locking the bathroom door as soon as I was inside. The heavy wood blocked out all sound, even as I pressed the side of my head into it and slid down onto the floor, groaning all the way.
"There has got to be a way out of this," I said. "The policemen probably took them to the station next to that ramen shop, it's the closest one around. If I could just get over there, I could…"
I trailed off, unmoving even as my voice died away and my lips remained in an 'o' shape. I lay there in that highly uncomfortable position, possibly getting a million microscopic splinters, rethinking what I had just said for an indiscernible amount of time (probably not that long, though). An idea had hit me, shining like a figurative light bulb in my head. I let it play out, seeing how it could theoretically work. It was risky, I realized. It's success hinged mainly on the androids agreeing to go home without me and stay there until I got back. I'd have to deal with hiding them from Dad and my Grandparents later. After what had happened all the other times I left them alone, you'd better believe I wasn't thrilled about doing it again, but what choice did I have?
I pulled myself back up, brushing some lint off my pants and briefly noting that I should do some vacuuming when this was over. I left the bathroom untouched and put on the best smile I could as I walked back into the living room.
"That was fast," Dad noted when he saw me approaching.
"Yeah," I muttered under my breath. "Listen, I was just thinking. Since this is kind of a big day for all of us, why don't we go out for dinner? I know this place that serves really good ramen and I don't know about you, but I'm getting hungry."
That last part was actually true, which I figured out when my stomach suddenly growled right then. I hadn't eaten since early in the afternoon, and in all the excitement, I guess I just forgot.
"Now that you mention it," Grandma spoke up. "I'm pretty hungry myself."
"Just as long as they don't put anything hot in my food," Grandpa said.
"That's a wonderful idea, Haruhi!" Dad cheered, jumping out of his seat and rushing over to hug me. "This'll really be a night to remember!"
"Oh, I know that," I muttered through grit teeth. (Or at least I thought I did.)
So from there, I excuse myself again to go get changed while my father called for a cab to come pick us up. While he was distracted, and my grandparents' backs were turned, I side stepped into my dad's room and slid the door shut behind me, careful not to make a sound. Moving as fast as I could, I tore open the closet and pulled out the worn out gray shoebox. The collective smell of old perfume hit me like a brick to the face and I threw my hand over my mouth to prevent coughing. While struggling with that, I fished out the key, replaced the lid, threw the box back into the closest and slammed the door shut.
I took a couple gulps of the fresh, clean air before honing in on the set of drawers right beside Dad's futon. My finger ran along the bumpy end of the key as I kneeled down in front of it, tracing the shape of the key hole with my eyes. The key went in and turned, rewarding me with a telltale click. I wasted no time, pulling open the drawer by the key, taking in the large roll of bills shoved into the very back and held neatly together by a plain, beige rubber band. Ignoring the little voice in my head that kept crying 'thief' in my ear, I pulled it out and stuffed it into my pocket, trying to flatten it down so it wouldn't be noticeable. I gently closed the drawer and locked it back up, sheer relief filling me as I started to stand.
I caught sight of a shadow growing large against the door, accompanied by my father's cheerful voice.
"I'll just be a minute, I'd like to put on something nice for the occasion!"
If I had to guess, I'd say my next move took all of two seconds to complete. One second of comprehension, of watching my father's fingers wedge themselves between the door and the wall, and one second of placing my free hand on the drawers and hurling myself over it. I pressed up on the wood of it, pulling my legs in so far that it hurt. The drawers were big enough to hide me (I'm admittedly pretty small), but after the day I'd had, I was not even close to willing to take chances.
My dad skipped around his room, humming a tune I didn't recognize, messing around in his closest, and, a habit he's always had that I've never been able to break him of in spite of my efforts, throwing whatever clothes he rejected across the room. He has a surprisingly good arm too. In the time I sat there, sweating and shaking with horrible thoughts of being caught, upwards of five shirts, two skirts and one faux fur coat landed in my lap and on my head. There was one other thing as well, though I'm debating with myself over whether I should bring it up. I guess it doesn't matter since it was over a year ago now, so whatever.
It was an… undergarment, let's say. And not just any old type of undergarment either.
Let's just say I learned that night the true extent of Dad's dedication to cross dressing.
Anyway, this went on for a while longer, and every I was getting more and more nervous every second that went by that he didn't leave. After the above mentioned incident, I had become increasingly paranoid that he would do or throw something else that might put me at a risk of exposing my presence. I clutched the hem of my shirt so tightly, I'm surprised it didn't split in half.
When he suddenly stopped humming, I froze in place. The only sounds now were my grandparents' muffled voices somewhere in our living room. I waited, sucking in a breath and refusing to let it out no matter how much my lungs protested. Then dad let out a long, exaggerated sigh.
"Oh well, I guess what I'm wearing will be good enough."
'Are you KIDDING me?' I very badly wanted to scream. I settled for biting my lip as hard as could and smacking my head against the drawers once I heard the door open again and my dad step back outside.
I crossed the room, keeping hidden behind the door so I could look out discreetly and make sure no one would see me leaving. My dad was showing Grandma and Grandpa the shrine my put up for mom in the corner, all three backs were to me. I tip-toed out of the room, leaving the door open just as Dad had left it. I counted the steps to my room, from 1 to 6, reaching out for the door and-
"Haruhi!"
I whirled around, my hand instinctively going to my pants pocket where the money rested.
"Y-yes?"
Dad smiled brightly, either missing my clear case of nerves or misinterpreting it. Behind him, Grandpa assisted Grandma in standing back up and reached for their coats with his other hand.
"You ready to go, sweetie?" Dad asked.
A pause following as I needed time to process that I hadn't been caught. This whole night was turning me into a pile of overly paranoid goo. Then again, it was probably long in the making, just like every other crazy emotional breakdown I'd gone through since those damn androids entered my life.
I finally settled for a nod, and that satisfied him.
From there we left the apartment, leaving the lights off this time, and climbed downstairs to find a perpetually bored looking cab driver waiting. I gave him directions to the restaurant, happy that at least one thing was going right today; nobody had objected to my choice in dining.
Ten minutes later, I was seated in between Dad and Grandpa, listening to them trade more stories of my mother and her and dad's courtship, while I stared out the massive window on the opposite side of the restaurant at the brick wall of the police station. I imagined if I had x-ray vision, I might be able to see them all in their waiting for me.
"I'm so glad we came to see you two again," Grandma said, placing her hand on Dad's. "I know I've been saying it a lot, but I hope you can forgive us for our foolishness all those years ago."
"You said some hurtful things," Dad admitted. "But I think Kotoko would have wanted us to reconcile. Besides, I'd like it if Haruhi had more people to rely on, she's a bit of a loner."
The last part was whispered in Grandma's ear, but I heard it anyway. Narrowing my eyes, I coughed to get attention.
"I have to use the bathroom, I'll be right back."
"But didn't you go back home?" asked Dad.
"And we haven't ordered yet," Grandpa said while I stood and walked away.
"Just get me some pork ramen, please," I called back over my shoulder, hoping they could hear me as my feet were refusing to stop for anything.
I turned a corner, passing the enormous sign that read 'RESTROOMS' and hung over a twin set of doors. I instead went all the way down the hall to the back exit, which thankfully was unlocked. Once outside, I broke into a run, heedless of the people walking by and wanting to get away from the windows and my family's potential line of vision as fast as possible.
I rounded the police station, stopping at the front entrance. I needed a few seconds to catch my breath, then I opened the glass double doors and strode in with purpose, the weight of the money in my pocket suddenly becoming more noticeable.
"Can I help you?" the uniformed man at the front desk asked as I stopped in front of him.
"I'm here to post bail," I answered bluntly, fishing the money out of my pocket while the policemen went to pull something up on his computer.
"Name?" he asked with disinterest.
"Well, there's actually more than one of them," I started to explain, only to be interrupted by a voice I recognized immediately.
"Haruhi, is that you? HARUHI?"
I turned my head, catching sight of an arm sticking out of jail cell and waving frantically. Ignoring the policemen calling me back, I hurried over, desperate to make sure they were all in one piece and hadn't been beaten or raped or tattooed in the time since I last saw them.
The cell they were in housed only the six of them, much to my relief. I couldn't help but notice a large, bearded man in the next cell over eyeing Hunny-senpai in a very not nice way. Tamaki was up front and center, ready to greet me. On either side of him were Kyoya and Hunny, Mori directly behind the latter. The twins were sitting against the wall, staring up at the ceiling as if entranced by florescent light bulbs.
"Hi, Haru-chan," Hunny said, jumping up a little in barely restrained joy at seeing me again. "We've been having a lot of fun here, but we'd like to go home now."
Mori just nodded, still unable to talk it seemed.
"I'm inclined to agree," Kyoya spoke up, running one finger along the metal bars and making a face of disgust at the dirt residue. "This place is rather filthy."
"And the neighbors are kind of scary," Tamaki whimpered, glancing to the side at a massively tattooed man who gave an evil glare right back.
"Okay, okay," I said, silencing anymore complaints before they could be voiced. "I'm going to try and bail you all out. Until then, just stay calm and don't make a scene."
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that," Kyoya said, going into his 'give-Haruhi-information-that-would-have-been-much-more-helpful-if-given-before-trouble-started' mode. "We are programmed, in the event of an accidental crime committed, to remain complacent in the face of police involvement."
I opened my mouth, but paused as the day's events replayed in my head and suddenly began to come together.
"So that's why you stopped fighting when they placed you under arrest," I stated more than asked.
Kyoya smiled. "Had we been aware of their status earlier, we wouldn't have fought them at all."
"I see," I muttered, the fact that this all could have been easily avoided was becoming more and apparent and equally infuriating. Then something else occurred to me. "Wait, you said 'accidental crime.' What if you committed a crime on purpose?"
"We can't," Tamaki answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the universe (and in retrospect, it kind of was). "We are programmed not to. The most we could do is fight off anyone who threatens ours lover in any way, that being you."
"But what about when you destroyed Usagiuma's film," I shoot back, unsure of why I was fighting them on this when there were other things to consider. "That wasn't an accident."
"Sure it was," the twins called out, acknowledging my presence for the first time since I arrived. "It's not our fault that fire and gasoline don't go well together."
"Hey!"
The extra, unfamiliar voice was followed by loud and fast approaching footsteps. I looked in their direction, not too happy to see the policeman from before coming closer.
"Ma'am, you can talk to them after you've bailed them out, please come this way."
He didn't turn around, he was going to stand there and wait for me to follow. I sighed and looked back at the androids, trying to seem reassuring.
"I'm going to go and get you out now," I said. "Just be patient, okay?"
"Okay, Haru-chan, we love you!" Hunny answered with a wide grin.
I walked ahead of the policemen all the way back to the front desk. I pulled out the money and removed the rubber band, flattening the stack of bills out on the desk and sliding it over to him. He pulled them out of view and counted them at light speed, his head down so I couldn't see his face. He was mouthing something to himself the whole time, and when he stopped, I tensed up.
"You wanted all six of them?" he asked.
I didn't like that question, not one little bit.
"Yes," I answered, trying not to show my dawning fear. "They're my cousins, see, and I'd like to get them home as soon as possible."
He raised an eyebrow, studying my face.
"Well, that's too bad," he said, holding up the money Dad and I had been saving for over three years. "You've only got enough for three of them."
It was like a brick being dropped into my stomach. No, that's not right. More like fifty bricks. I wanted nothing more than to collapse right then and there from a combination of frustration and sheer exhaustion. I was so angry, I don't know how I managed to give the policemen the okay to go ahead. I know that I stood there for a while after he left, staring at area of wall that wasn't obstructed by pictures of fallen officers or award ceremonies. I could vaguely make out people talking behind me, but it wasn't until someone started screaming that I finally snapped out of it.
By that time, someone had come up from behind me and pulled me into a bear hug. I would've tried to fight them off, thinking it was an escaped criminal trying to kidnap me or something, but then to 'assailant' spoke.
"Oh, Haruhi my love, I'm so sorry to have left you all alone. You must have been terrified without us to protect you!"
"Not really," I muttered as Tamaki continued to babble declarations of love that I was in no mood to deal with. "What's going on back there?"
I could hear the screaming, now accompanied by banging on the walls, growing louder. I pulled myself away from Tamaki, standing beside him as Hunny ran over and hugged me as well. I didn't pay much attention to that, as I could finally see what was causing all the ruckus.
Two officers, including the one I'd been dealing with, dragging a frantic, wild eyed Hikaru away from the jail cell, while Kaoru's arms jutted out, hopelessly grasping for him. Both of them were shouting, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I don't think they were even using real words, and I wondered if maybe they shared some secret language that the manuals (and Kyoya) didn't mention.
"Come on," the officer on the right grunted, pulling Hikaru into a standing position. "What's with you two? Can't you be apart for a little while?"
'No,' I internally answered, the answer dawning on me. 'No, I don't think they can.'
Hikaru said something incoherently, something that sounded a little like Russian, but was mostly just gibberish. Then his body relaxed and he fell into some kind of catatonic state, unable to move for himself or even at all. From the jail cell, Kaoru also became uncomfortably silent. I could tell the policemen weren't happy about this, but at least now Hikaru wouldn't fight them.
Tamaki rushed over and grabbed his fellow android from them, lifting Hikaru into his arms with ease while the cops tried to catch their breath.
"What is wrong with that kid?" one of them demanded.
"…well," I started awkwardly, then caught sight of Tamaki in my peripheral vision and pulled him closer. "Let me just let Tamaki here explain."
I gave Tamaki a pleading look, praying that his 'secret' function didn't have some kind of password that I didn't know and wouldn't activate now when I really really needed it to. Considering how my luck had been all day, I wouldn't have been surprised.
"Oh, yes," Tamaki said, his eyes widening with understanding. "My poor younger brother's heart condition. It's congenital, you see, and he's suffered from it since infancy. It was a trying time, the doctors were sure he wouldn't make it past early adolescence. We prayed everyday for a miracle, hoping beyond all hope that our God in heaven would be merciful on our little family and-"
Okay, I'm going to spare you the rest because it gets incredibly sappy and ridiculous to point where even Soap Opera writers would call it too over-the-top. As expected, it worked like a charm, and by the time Tamaki had worked in a war between two ninja clans over a can of cream of mushroom soup (don't ask), both officers, as well as several inmates, were bawling their eyes out while we made a quick exit.
By that time, Hikaru had regained consciousness and was now walking on his own in a zombie-like state. I don't know if he was even aware that he was moving, he almost walked into a lamp post before I steered him away from it. Being separated from Kaoru must have been killing him, and I made a mental note to re-read their manual later on and see if there was anything I missed that may have mentioned what to do in such a situation.
"Okay, listen carefully, guys," I said, moving in front of them. "I have to get back to that ramen shop over there before my family realizes I'm gone."
"Your family?" Hunny asked.
"Yes, I'll explain later," I said, waving his curiosity off. "I need you guys to go home and wait for me. We'll be back in about two hours, so when you hear us coming, go hide in my closet. I'm afraid you may have to stay there all night."
"What do we do about the others?" Tamaki raised his hand. "I don't think Hikaru here is going to make it without Kaoru."
I looked at the redheaded robot, who was staring at the ground looking ready to put a gun to his head at any moment. I tried to catch his gaze, but he refused to look at me.
"We'll figure that out once my Dad and grandparents leave. Hikaru will be okay until then," I said, not really believing it, but needing to reassure myself that he wasn't going to spontaneously self-destruct due to lack of contact with Kaoru or something.
I think Tamaki must have sensed my nervousness, because of course, he took it upon himself to 'comfort' me with a hug and sweet nothings in my ear.
"I'll always be here to help you no matter what happens," he said. "I love you so much, Haruhi."
"Yes, I know," I answer flatly and very un-romantically. "Just go home, all of you. I'm trusting you not to make any unnecessary pit-stops on the way. Go before anyone sees you."
"Like your family?" Hunny asked, pointing at Grandma and Grandpa, who stood directly behind me.
"Right, like them," I answered dismissively. "…THEM!"
I whilred around, somehow not getting out of Tamaki's grip in the process. Grandma and Grandpa were alternating between staring at me, staring at Tamaki, staring at Hunny, staring at Hikaru, staring back at me, and so on and so forth. This went on for some time, with me feeling like I was facing down a firing squad, Tamaki and Hunny oblivious, Hikaru despondent as ever. My mouth fell open, but the only thing to issue from it was a barely audible hiss.
"Haruhi," thank Grandma to be the one to break the intensity of the silence. "You left to use the bathroom fifteen minutes ago. Is everything all right?"
"And who are these guys," Grandpa motioned at the three androids. "Don't tell me you were sneaking off to see your friends tonight of all nights!"
"Well, at least now we know she isn't really a freaky loner," Grandma 'whispered' in his ear.
"Okay!" I shouted. "Uh… I can explain all of this, I just… where's dad?"
I hadn't realized he was missing until right then, and I got an answer immediately. Not from my grandparents either. No, instead I got Tamaki being wrenched off of me, followed by a thud and a yelp as something or someone was thrown to the ground behind me. I turned slowly, to find Tamaki face down on the concrete, moaning in pain I didn't know he could experience. A heeled foot rested on his head, belonging to none other than my loving father. He was glaring down at Tamaki, a toothy smile on his face that was negatively accented by the crazed and very angry look in his eye. It was plain wrong for a man who dressed in women's clothes on a daily basis to look that frightening.
"Oh dear, Haruhi," he said in a deceptively sweet voice. "I see there was a little cockroach crawling up your arm. I think I'll have to crush it now."
If that brick wall had been any closer, I'd have slammed my head against it a couple of time, hopefully until I knocked myself out. Maybe then I'd wake up in bed and this will have all been a bad dream. As it was, I could not move a muscle, I could not speak a word, I could barely even think straight, aside from a single question repeating itself over and over again.
'Why?'
posted by Haruhi at 8:47 pm 0 comments