Spit It Out

by varg.grimoire

Sanji has repelled love for his entire life as countless events destroyed his trust in it. Unable to deal with his emotions, he indulges in the pleasures of the flesh with random strangers while Zoro, his childhood best friend, is left aside to watch. They share the dream of bringing their metal band to a professional level, but their hearts and minds will make it ever so hard.

13. Chapter 13

A/N: I'm the worst, I know. I haven't updated this story in a lifetime, this just gets worse and worse as the chapters go on, and after the events of chapter 12 I left you all hanging for months, basically, and I'm so so so so sorry about it! I feel like shit! But I hope this chapter will make it up to you. The holidays didn't exactly help me write, they actually kept me busier than regular days, and all my good will flew out of the window. I know I've said it before, but as things get harder for the characters it also gets harder for me to get into the right mindset to write out their feelings. I also always end up adding a shit ton of scenes that weren't really supposed to happen, but I hope you'll enjoy them all anyway!

I thank each and everyone of you who chose to put up with me and will still read this story, even when the chapters come out so late! You're all beautiful! I don't think I'd still write all of this if it weren't for you! And of course, last but absolutely not least, thank to my girlfriend for always pushing me to continue, for helping me when I'm stuck and I don't know how to go ahead.

Now enough of this blabbering, let's get down to the narrating business!

---

Chapter 13

Zoro had never seen his older brother smoke so much, Ace smoked very rarely and when he did it was mainly when he was with their friends, but since when they had stepped inside their house Ace had began to light up one cigarette after the other.

Zoro watched as Ace lit up the fifth – or was it the sixth? – cigarette of the day while he changed the strings on his Gibson. He had somewhat given up asking him what was wrong, since Ace would reply with a nervous chuckle and assure that he was absolutely fine.

The ride back home had been terrible, since Ace drove recklessly and with his mind constantly somewhere else, Zoro had to steer the car back on the right path himself to keep them from running up a sidewalk or crash into something. Still Ace blamed it on being hungover and exhausted, and even if Zoro was trying to juice a real answer from him Ace wouldn't explain further.

Zoro believed him, or wanted to believe him, so he dropped the subject, but as soon as Ace had whipped out a packet of cigarettes Zoro knew that something was definitely up.

"Dude, what's with the sudden crave for nicotine?" Zoro gave in as he fanned off the smoke that had reached his face.

Ace shrugged a shoulder but didn't lift his eyes from his guitar "Dunno, I just need it in my system."

Zoro rolled his eyes "Whatever." he was just back to watching Luffy play Dragon Age when Zoro heard a snap and a loud curse.

"Someone's broken a string." Luffy commented with his eyes fixed on the TV screen as he played, making Zoro snort.

"Yeah, thank you for filling me in! I hadn't noticed!" Ace barked out.

Zoro arched an eyebrow as he glowered at his older brother "Whoa there, touchy."

Ace shook his head and took a big drag of tobacco before picking up another string. He was tense, and even if he put a lot of effort and precision in his work he was likely to mess up again. Zoro didn't want to bug him any further, he seemed way too unnerved to be forced to speak, so he thought he'd let it go for a while.

Zoro slouched on the couch and propped his feet on the coffee table, he was lucky enough that his parents were out or Mihawk would have severed his ankles. His eyes were focused on the TV as Luffy kept playing, but he wasn't really paying attention as his mind wandered off to what he remembered from the night before.

As the hangover tapered off, Zoro's thoughts started going wild and his chest tightened as he replayed the moments he'd spent with Sanji during the party. Regret had began to spread through him, but at the same time he knew that satisfying Sanji's requests wasn't right, not while being intoxicated. Still Zoro wondered if Sanji's kisses were only the result of his bender or if there was an actual meaning behind them.

He couldn't think like that, though, Zoro knew too well how much Sanji liked sex and also knew that in normal circumstances Sanji would never try anything like that with him. But then again, lately Sanji's behavior had started changing drastically, and if Zoro couldn't understand what was going on in that devilish mind of his before, he sure as hell had no idea what was happening recently.

Zoro instinctively pressed his hand against his cellphone inside the pocket of his jeans, feeling its silhouette through the rough fabric, he pulled it out and unlocked the screen only to find himself staring at a picture of a wolf that he had set as a background. He selected the shortcut to his chat with Sanji and hovered the keyboard with his thumb, he knew there wasn't much to ask and that the message he should have typed up was quite simple, still he hesitated and looked over at Ace.

His brother was still struggling with the strings, but he seemed like he was finally winning the fight as he fixed the last one and proceeded to cut off the extra bits. Zoro pulled at his tongue piercing with his teeth and told himself that if Ace could manage to successfully change his guitar strings in his stressed out state, he could definitely text Sanji.

'hey how are you doing? im sorry i didnt check on you last night and im sending this pretty late. i just hope youre ok.'

Zoro stared down at the message he had just written. He would have wanted to add so many other questions, he wanted to know if Sanji remembered anything they did at all, how he felt about it, but Zoro wasn't like that, it was a lot easier to pretend like nothing had happened and just carry on with his life. Zoro knew that acting like that was destroying him bit by bit, but that was the only thing he could do.

He hit the send button and pushed the phone back inside his pocket.

"I'm hungry..." Luffy whined all of a sudden, catching both his brothers' attention.

"That's brand new information." Ace commented as he set the guitar back inside its case and stood up, stretching out his arms and back.

"Why are you so damn rude today?" Luffy growled as he paused the game and turned to glower at Ace.

Zoro's eyebrows rose and he glanced over at Ace, Luffy had a point, Ace was being a little too surly for his taste, especially with Luffy who had done nothing wrong to him.

Ace scoffed "I'm not rude!" he picked up his guitar and turned on his heels to head upstairs.

"You're being rude right now!" Luffy barked "Why are you leaving like this?"

Zoro sighed and stood up from the couch "Ignore him," he started, and Luffy looked up at him "how about we go get McDonald's?" he smirked. He could use the distraction of getting out of the house, and Luffy's enormous grin was one of the most rewarding things ever.

"You're the best brother ever!" Luffy cried out as he launched himself at Zoro.

"I heard that!" Ace's voice came from the top of the stairs.

"Well you suck today, you can't be a great brother!" Luffy retorted as he moved to grab his own coat from the rack, then picked Zoro's and handed it to him.

"Thanks." Zoro mumbled as he was too busy trying to hold back his laughter because of Luffy's words.

"I too have bad days," Ace grunted as he appeared again on the staircase "Can't be perfect all damn time."

Zoro arched a brow as he watched Ace slowly stepping downstairs, he was just about to say something but Luffy's temper was a lot quicker.

"You know who you sound like?" Luffy asked, without really waiting for an answer "Sanji. You're being just as much of a pain in the ass."

Zoro widened his eyes and glanced at Luffy. It was a rare sight to see Luffy so angry, but Zoro knew how much he disliked disrespectfulness. What struck him the most though, was Luffy's comparison with Sanji.

"Did he bite you? Or he just rubbed it all over you?" Luffy went on, and as soon as he spoke Zoro heard a crack and a bang, and as soon as he whipped his head in the direction of Ace he saw him sitting on one of the lowest stairs.

"Fuck! Ow!" Ace cried as he held his lower back.

Zoro furrowed his eyebrows and started in Ace's direction "You fell down the stairs?"

"Really?" Ace moaned "I hadn't noticed!"

Zoro rolled his eyes as he helped his brother up "If you're done being grouchy as fuck you could come with us?"

Ace got back on his feet, still rubbing his sore lower back, and grimaced when he heard Zoro's words "N-nah... I–" he shook his head "I'm gonna stay here. I can use some alone time."

Zoro's eyebrows shot up at the reply "So we're being a bother, huh?"

"Ruuuuuude..." Luffy chanted from behind them, but Zoro ignored him.

Ace scoffed and dropped his head in defeat "I did not say that! I just–" he took a step back on the stairs "I need to rest, okay?" he grasped the handrail, then shot an apologetic smile past Zoro's shoulder "Forgive me, baby bro."

Zoro turned to look at Luffy, the youngest of the brothers was looking down at the floor, he gave a shrug "I guess," he lifted his eyes back on Ace "don't make us worry too much." his tone had definitely turned softer and the anger was almost completely drained from his voice.

"I'll try my best."

Zoro looked back at Ace and the awful pallor was only now noticing "Dude, are you sure you're not sick?" his eyebrows knitted together in concern.

Ace blinked, almost in confusion, then hunched his shoulders "I told you I need to..." he flailed his hand in the direction of the top story of the house "Lay down and rest."

Zoro pursed his lips and nodded "Yeah, you do that."

Luffy was suddenly beside Zoro, looking every bit as concerned as him "We'll bring you something good from McDonald's! It'll make you feel better."

Ace cracked a smile and he couldn't help but reach out to ruffle Luffy's hair. Zoro perfectly knew how that felt like, even though Luffy was practically and adult now, they couldn't help but forever seeing him as their baby brother. For once Luffy wasn't even complaining, he just let Ace's fingers mess his hair with the same worried expression.

"Sure, bring me something," Ace paused, clearly biting back a laugh as he chewed on his lower lip "if you don't get too lost to find your way back home."

Zoro scoffed "Oh fuck you!"

Ace laughed a genuine laugh for the first time that day.

"We will do just fine!" Luffy groaned as he folded his arms across his chest.

"...plus we do have GPS on our phones." Zoro nodded, even though he lacked the confidence to make that statement.

Ace laughed even harder "We all know you guys get lost even with a navigator!"

Luffy and Zoro exchanged exasperated looks, then turned around to leave the house together while Ace kept cackling at them from the stairs.

–

Well at least they had managed to make him laugh, it was definitely a good thing since he had been awfully weird and unmanageable all day.

Zoro adjusted the collar of his coat and watched as Luffy whipped out his phone and began to tap away on the screen "You're not looking for directions, are you?" he quirked up an eyebrow "We're literally a few blocks away from McDonald's."

Luffy snorted "What? No, of course not!" he shook his head, then licked his lips "It's actually a text from Barto," he furrowed his eyebrows "he was asking me if you were alright. Did anything happen?"

Zoro suddenly tensed up. Why wasn't he texting him directly? "Huh? He messaged you only to ask that?" he inquired as he started off in what he was firmly convinced was the right direction to reach the fast-food restaurant.

Luffy cleared his throat, not even moving a muscle "No, we were just chatting, and Zoro..."

Zoro stopped in his tracks "What?"

Luffy licked his lips "I'm pretty sure you're heading towards Baratie, McDonald's the other way." he said as he jabbed a thumb in the right direction.

Zoro's eyes widened and his jaw tightened, at the same time he felt his cheekbones and ears heating up "I-I'm not–" he groaned "That's out of habit! You perfectly know the gym is this way, too!" he muttered as he started to walk in the direction that Luffy was pointing out.

Luffy sniggered "Yeah, yeah, alright." he grinned and started to walk beside his brother "So what's the deal with Bartolomeo, huh?"

Zoro rolled his eyes "There's no deal, and I'm pretty sure he can ask me how I am doing himself, he's got my number." he said casually. He really didn't feel like speaking about nor with Bartolomeo, it would have been quite awkward, especially since Zoro was sure that he'd been about to drop a bomb, back at Franky's.

Luffy pouted, stuffing one hand inside his pocket and typing up a reply with the other one "He seemed worried, and he said he didn't want to bug you." he shrugged a shoulder.

Of course. That sounded exactly like him. Zoro let out a sigh and looked ahead "I forgot to say bye to him because Ace was already being odd and we were leaving." he shrugged, avoiding to add anything else, the last thing he needed was Luffy knowing about Bartolomeo having a raging crush on Zoro. Who was he kidding though? His brother was smart enough to have noticed and figured it out himself – still it was worth a try.

Luffy raised his eyebrows "Ah, he did mention that," he glanced up at Zoro "so you think he's just worrying about that?"

There he went.

Zoro shrugged "Dunno. I'm not inside his head."

Luffy's lips curled slightly as he tipped his head to the side "You should text him."

Zoro stared down blankly at Luffy "How about I don't?"

Luffy rolled his eyes at him, and in that exact moment Zoro's phone vibrated in his pocket. Now... That could be anyone, but two specific people suddenly popped into Zoro's agitated mind.

Zoro fished out his phone from his pocket, holding his breath as he unlocked the screen to reveal who was the sender of the message.

"Is it Barto?" Luffy asked, curiosity painted all over his grinning face.

Zoro's brow shot up when he saw the name, it was none of the two people he had thought of but it was still good. "Close enough," Zoro mumbled as he went to read the text "it's his brother."

Luffy frowned "Kidd?"

Zoro nodded with a hum.

'hey man, sorry for not coming to the party, i'll apologize to vivi in person when i'll get the chance. trafalgar and i were about to kill each other so we thought it best not to come ruin the fun. btw i wanted to tell you that we have booked the rest of the tour dates and in three days from today we'll do our first gig out of town.'

Zoro scoffed and shook his head "I'd like to know why these guys can't warn us more than three days before a gig!"

"Why? We have a new date?" Luffy asked excited as he bumped his shoulder into Zoro's to get close to him as fast as possible and read the text directly from his phone. "Holy shit! Three days from now?"

Zoro sighed "Yeah, I hope we can all take the day off and shit."

Luffy laughed long and hard, squeezing his eyes shut "You idiot! You think the others wouldn't immediately drop everything to do a show out of town?"

Zoro rolled his eyes at his brother's constant positivity "I guess?"

Luffy slapped him on the back "Cheer up! This is great news!"

"I know it is! I'm excited!" Zoro retorted "I just don't want them to always tell us at the last minute!"

Bands usually schedule and plan their entire tour ahead, this thing with Freakshow telling them only a couple days in advance was getting definitely annoying. If they wanted to become professionals they needed to at least start acting like it!

Luffy shrugged "Then tell 'em."

Zoro was already typing his reply while his brother spoke "That's the plan."

'its ok, i hope things are better now. btw that's really cool, but isn't there a complete list of the dates or something? it'd be a lot better to know them ahead.'

He tapped the send button, then pocketed his phone.

"Uh... I don't think this is the right place." Luffy stopped in his tracks and looked around.

Zoro scrunched his nose "What?" he finally looked ahead and saw the damn dojo that their family owned, right in front of them. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" he cried out, incredulous.

Luffy bursted out laughing "How do we even fuck up so bad?!"

Zoro dropped his head "Alright, set the GPS on your phone."

Luffy obliged, but didn't stop laughing.

–

Of course it took them a ridiculous amount of time to both arrive to McDonald's and get back home, but it had felt good to Zoro to spend some time alone with Luffy, they didn't do it that often, and the younger boy had been pretty vocal about it during their fast-food adventure.

In the meantime Zoro had also continued his little chat with Kidd, and he had finally given Zoro the entire schedule for their brief but intense tour. Zoro had made sure to share the great news and information with the rest of the extremely excited Crows, and of course the only one who didn't answer was Sanji. Even Ace had replied by being both thrilled and worried because his brothers still hadn't got back, and the damn Cook was as quiet as the grave.

They were just about to finally arrive to their house, hands loaded with an impossible amount of junk food bags, when Luffy shot this intense look at Zoro that reminded him so much of Shanks, and that made him scowl deeply.

"W-what?" Zoro asked, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

"You're awfully quiet, and when you speak you barely say more than two words," Luffy started "what's goin' on?"

Zoro shrugged a shoulder "Nothing, I'm just tired as hell."

"Bullshit." Luffy grunted, almost a second before Zoro had actually finished uttering his answer "It's because of Sanji, right?"

Zoro groaned, tipping his head back "Stop with this thing, okay?"

"Look, I know things are being weird between you guys,"Luffy started, and Zoro stared at him bewildered "I'm not stupid, I have eyes. Just because I don't care about romance and sex it doesn't mean I don't understand what's going on."

Zoro actually had to stop walking as he kept staring at Luffy, then his gaze fell to the ground in mild embarrassment.

Luffy stopped too, so that he could go on speaking "I know, you don't want people to think that you're obsessed with him and I'm not saying that."

"Everyone probably thinks I'm pathetic, actually." Zoro cut in, still not looking at his brother.

"No, I think you're actually very brave and maybe too good with someone who sometimes likes to step all over you."

Zoro's head snapped up at those words "I don't let anyone do that."

Luffy shrugged a shoulder "I know that," then he tilted his head slightly to the side "still Sanji does step all over your feelings, sometimes."

Zoro's nostrils flared. He couldn't exactly say it wasn't true, Sanji could be a complete asshole when he wanted, but Zoro too could be like that.

"You know why he does it, though?" Luffy asked, and Zoro's confused expression was enough of a cue to go on speaking "Because he needs to grow up. And because he doesn't know how you fucking feel."

Zoro opened his mouth to say something in return, but Luffy was already stalking off in the direction of the house.

Zoro couldn't believe the turn taken by that talk, he didn't expect to be scolded by his younger brother like that but he couldn't really blame him for those words. He was right, even if Sanji could have read the signs he still knew nothing for sure because Zoro never told him. It wasn't exactly like Zoro was complaining about that either, but even if he did come clean he couldn't see anything positive happening.

Luffy was clearly suggesting it was time to confess and let it all out, but at what cost? Losing Sanji for good? Making him run away? Zoro still thought that it was better to at least have him as his best friend than not having him at all, with all the ache it could cause Zoro. He knew it was stupid, but it was a decision he had made a long time ago and he wasn't going to change his mind – not yet, at least.

Zoro still had his mouth slacked open, somewhat dumbfounded as they were about to step back into their house, when his cellphone vibrated against his side. Zoro held both paper bags with his left hand and pulled out the mobile with the right one. He unlocked the screen right away, thinking it could have been either Eustass adding something about the tour, or one of the Crows writing on their group chat, so when Zoro realized it was actually Sanji he nearly tripped over one of the few steps of the front porch.

'yo, sorry i only now caught a breath, zeff's thrown me into the kitchen as soon as he saw my car. its ok, i puked my soul out and then went to sleep.'

Zoro heaved out a long, drawn out sigh, his nerves finally relaxing and his stomach loosening as a sense of mild bliss and calm finally washed over him. He knew it didn't mean anything more than that, he knew there were still untold things, but at least he'd answered to him and Zoro knew he hadn't crashed his stupid head in a car accident.

'as long as you're fine its all good' Zoro typed up with his right thumb alone.

"You gonna come?" Luffy's voice reached him in a dream-like state, bringing him back to a reality he had momentarily forgotten.

Zoro's head snapped up "Uh, yeah sure." he gave a quick nod, then locked the screen of his phone – without exiting his convo with Sanji – and pushed it back into the pocket of his jeans.

"We're hooooome!" Luffy called out as soon as he walked past the threshold.

Zoro licked his lips and stepped inside the house, scraping his boots on the mat and pushing the door shut.

"About damn time!" Ace's voice came from upstairs, hoarse and broken, making Zoro scowl. "I thought you were never coming back!" he shouted again as he began to get closer from upstairs.

Zoro sighed and set the bags on the floor in order to take off his coat, then moved to the kitchen to start placing the food on the table. An outsider would have probably thought they were about to feed either a football team or a small army, but it was clear that the three of them could consume a ridiculous amount of food, especially after a bender.

Zoro shut out everything surrounding him again and grabbed his phone again to resume writing his text.

'as long as you're fine its all good' he stared at those words long enough for them to start looking weird, then decided to snap a photo of part of the food they were about to feast on. He sent the photo, then added 'when the cats away...' as a caption and slipped the phone back inside his pocket.

"I can't believe you got lost on your way to McDonald's, you guys are shit." Ace commented in an incredulous tone.

"We were very busy reading about work, alright?" Luffy replied, then dropped the bags next to Zoro's.

Ace snorted and started to rummage through the bags "It's all fucking cold!"

Zoro arched an eyebrow, only now noticing the dark circles underneath Ace's slightly reddened eyes.

"It's still good!" Luffy cut in, then grabbed one of his burgers and glowered at it "We could always slam some stuff into the microwave."

Ace shrugged and picked up a french fry "A slice of ice." he muttered as he twirled the fry around.

"Alright, alright!" Luffy growled and snatched the box of fries from Ace's hands and put them inside the microwave along with the others.

"Not sure that's gonna help." Ace grimaced.

Zoro didn't want to start bugging Ace again, he literally had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from saying anything, but Ace looked terrible and he couldn't really help being worried.

"It's Smoker, isn't it?" Zoro blurted out all of a sudden, and both Luffy and Ace turned their heads towards him.

"W-what?" Ace asked, his voice trembling.

"If you're like this, is it because of him?" Zoro tried to explain himself better "He never even called. Or did he?"

Ace's mouth opened and closed without a sound, his expression was unreadable, but it clearly irradiated pain and helplessness.

"I know I'm not one to talk, but–" Zoro shrugged a shoulder "It's alright to talk to us and vent, just don't take out your anger the wrong way, alright?" he clapped a hand on Ace's shoulder.

"Alright..." Ace breathed out, his lower lip quivered so he tucked it between his teeth.

Zoro gave Ace's shoulder a squeeze "Let's just eat now, huh?"

"You'll feel better after eating." Luffy chimed in before Zoro could actually say the same thing.

Ace snorted "Even if it's all cold?"

Luffy rolled his eyes, making both his brothers laugh.

The three brothers ate, chatted and laughed like there wasn't going to be a tomorrow, all the weight on Zoro's heart was forgotten for the time being, he felt light and blessed to have Ace and Luffy in his life, all it took for him to feel better was looking at their smiles and the world felt a little less cruel.

A small battle fired up as they joked around, french fries flew all around and a couple ice cubes slipped in places where they definitely didn't belong, causing screeching and a few punches to be thrown. It was right when Luffy was flinging a chicken nugget at Ace that Mihawk appeared by the threshold and Ace ducked right on time for the nugget to hit Mihawk square in the nose.

Zoro froze, a horrified expression plastered on his face, Luffy's smile faded away and Ace furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, since he hadn't noticed their father being behind him.

"What's with the shocked faces, guys?" Ace blinked under knitted eyebrows, then it dawned on him and he perked up as terror warped his features. "Don't tell me..."

Luffy's lips pressed together into a thin line and his eyes widened comically as he slowly nodded his head.

"What's going on, here?" Shanks' voice came from behind Mihawk as he peeked over his husband's shoulder "What the hell happened here?!" he growled.

Zoro bit his lower lip as he took a look around the kitchen. There were french fries everywhere, even on the chandelier, there were a couple on top of the fridge, and the chicken nugget that had collided with Mihawk's face lied by the man's boots.

"I'll give you twenty minutes–" Mihawk started, his tone low and threatening "let's say fifteen, to clean up this mess. If this kitchen isn't perfectly tidy I'll personally kick all of your sorry behinds." he dramatically turned on his heels and left the kitchen in silence.

Shanks furrowed his eyebrows as he followed his husband with his eyes, then looked back at his sons "...what was that about?"

"Luffy accidentally flung a chicken nugget at his face." Zoro explained briefly.

Shanks' eyes widened and he had to clap a hand over his mouth to keep himself from bursting out into a thunderous laugh, still a few stray tears streamed down his face. The brothers exchanged a confused look, then stood up to start cleaning the kitchen.

"I-I can't believe I missed that!" Shanks broke into laughter, unable to contain it.

Ace arched an eyebrow as he watched his father laugh his ass off "I thought you were angry about all this mess."

Shanks giggle-snorted, looking at Ace with an eye squeezed shut as he tried to dry off his tears "I-I am... But Mihawk being hit in the face with a chicken nugget is too much!"

Luffy couldn't help but start laughing as well, and now that Zoro thought back on Mihawk's stoic expression as the piece of junk food bounced off his nose, the scene had been indeed hysterical, and that image alone served to throw him into the same state that Luffy and Shanks were in.

Ace was watching the three man dying in front of him with an unimpressed look on his face, and walked off in the direction of the broom to start cleaning up the kitchen "I value my life too much to roll on the floor with you idiots."

And of course, Ace's reaction only made everyone laugh harder.

–

Willing or not, the boys had to stop laughing to help Ace out, if they really did care about keeping their head firmly attached to their necks. Shanks lent them a hand too, unable to be a severe father like the majority of times, even though every now and then he needed to stop as he fell back into a sniggering fit because he thought about Mihawk and the damn nugget again.

Once the mess had been settled, Zoro fished his cellphone out of his pocket to find about forty or so texts in his notifications section.

"What the–" he scowled down at the screen as if it had insulted him, and when he swiped his finger down he realized that not only Sanji had replied to him, but he had also probably acknowledged the tour news on the group chat, and the others had replied to him. He was just about to tap on the Crows chat when he realized that one of the names in the notifications had nothing to do with his friends – Bartolomeo had texted him, eventually.

Zoro thought about that morning, about how Bartolomeo had told him that if they were sleeping together on the couch it was because Zoro had drunkenly insisted on it. He couldn't recall what had really happened, but he figured that after arguing with Sanji and drinking his face off, anything could have been possible. Then his thoughts went back to their moment in Franky's kitchen, to how Bartolomeo had looked absolutely resolute and ready to confess something – Zoro could definitely guess what the great revelation was going to be, and he didn't wish to hear or read about it soon. He sincerely hoped that Bartolomeo wasn't going to resume their conversation, because he didn't have the will, nor the mental stability to deal with it.

He could hear his brothers and Shanks talk to each other, he had no idea what the subject was, because his brain had simmered their loud voices down to just mere background noises. Zoro thought that if Sanji was really in the decent mood he seemed to be, then maybe he should have read Barto's text first, so that he could read something presumably more relaxing.

While he pondered how to act, the screen of the cellphone had turned off, so Zoro had to unlock it all over again in order to select Bartolomeo's text. He hoped it wasn't one of those apologetic messages, but then again this time Barto had managed not to piss him off – apart from the whole being curled together on the sofa thing.

'hey there, how are you doin? my brother told me about the tour dates, pretty cool huh? i cant wait!' Zoro frowned his lips and arched up an eyebrow, so far so good. He carried on reading. 'btw i hope i didnt scare you off this morning, but at one point i guess im gonna have to pick back up the conversation that ace interrupted. have a good rest of the evening.'

Zoro reread the text a couple of times and muttered 'have a good rest of the evening' under his breath a few times before nearly flinging the phone at the wall. Since when people go around arming time bombs and then wish you a good evening? Thank God for Ace bursting into the kitchen just in time, that morning.

He refused to reply, not right away at least, his nerves felt like they were going to snap at any moment, so he decided it was probably better to check the Crows chat to cool down a bit. Sanji had the same reaction as Zoro about the tour dates, he admitted how relieved he was that finally Eustass was done informing them about every single gig they were supposed to play just a couple days in advance, and the thing obviously made Zoro smirk. The rest of the conversation was basically everyone, except for Zoro and his brothers, talking about how pumped they were, or suggesting a few changes for the setlist. At one point they had even spoken about seeing each other at Franky's the day after for rehearsals, and apparently they were all waiting for the three brothers to confirm or just say anything at all.

Zoro didn't even need to ask Luffy and Ace if it was alright for them to practice the day after, he knew they would just agree, so he quickly typed up a positive answer, also apologizing for not getting back at them for hours. Yes, that was a way more relaxed topic.

Now it was Sanji's turn. Zoro opened their chat and the first thing he saw was a photo of a ridiculous amount of extremely fancy and delicious looking courses, with a caption that read.

'you disgusting pigs, why are you eating all that shit? this is real food, not that McShitty crap. i wanna kick you all in the teeth.'

Zoro snorted at the caption. Now that he thought about it he and the others had been missing from Baratie for a very long time. It was a fancy restaurant and demanded a certain dresscode at time (thing that Zoro absolutely abhorred) but when it came to Sanji's friends Zeff would always make an exception. For that matter, he hadn't even seen Sanji's old man for half a lifetime or something, not that he missed him, but still it proved how long it had been since they had visited the Baratie.

As those thoughts swam through his head, Zoro's fingertips moved on their own to form a reply.

'stfu it might be junk but its still good, and cheap. that shit you cooked looks pretty good too' he smirked down at what he was typing, he knew Sanji hated it when Zoro half-heartedly commented on his cooking skills 'i havent eaten any of your food in ages, literally.'

Sanji and Zoro had dropped their lunch breaks ritual and he had never liked it, he knew things were a bit rough for Sanji both at work and home, and with all the small quarrels and misunderstandings that had aggravated how things were going between them, they had just kind of fallen out of habit. Zoro missed the company, missed the food and even the bantering, but then memories from the night before resurfaced and made him nervous all over again.

There was no forgetting about Sanji kissing him in front of their intoxicated friends, just like he couldn't forget how he had been dragged to a more private corner of the house to partly satisfy a primal need that resided deep inside him. He remembered the soft lips, the rough teeth, the eager fingers and God... Did he remember the tension in both their pelvic areas. There was so much desire oozing from them, bleeding into one another as they shared those intimate touches that Zoro had always longer for but had always been too terrified to get.

He felt himself stir inside the crotch of his pants, so he shook his head as if it would help him erase all those mental images and ghosts of a real, tangible feeling.

"You here with us?"

A deep voice suddenly brought him back to reality. Oh God, he had been daydreaming and getting an half hard-on while being in the same room as his family! What the hell was wrong with him? He didn't know whether his entire face had flushed a deep shade of crimson in utter shame, or if his blood had completely drained, leaving him as pale as a ghost from sheer horror.

"Zoro?" Luffy asked, tilting his head slightly.

"Is he going to faint?" Shanks asked.

Zoro didn't say anything, he pushed the phone into one of his pockets and just left the kitchen in a haste, ignoring Mihawk's deep scowl as he stormed through the living room and upstairs. He needed to calm the fuck down, he had gone from laughing with his family and joking around with Sanji to having extremely realistic dreams of hardcore making out with the said cook. That had definitely escalated too quickly.

He half jogged to his bedroom and sneaked inside it, throwing the door shut – probably a little too hard. He rested his back against it and tipped his head back, scrubbing his hands over his face in a desperate attempt to rub off all those clashing feelings.

"Zoro, open up!" Ace's voice, accompanied by a few knocks, filtered from the other side of the door, slightly muffled by the thick layer of wood.

Zoro's eyes rolled into the back of his skull, he seriously hoped that they would leave him alone but given the extremely theatrical fashion in which he had left, that was definitely a vain hope.

"I'm fine Ace," Zoro sighed "really."

"Just let me in, please!" Ace insisted, concern dripping from his tone.

Zoro didn't answer and just hung his head, staying still for a few moments before finally moving away from the door and cracking it open. It was Ace's cue to get inside while Zoro went to take a seat on his bed.

"Hey..." Ace pushed the door shut again, then stuffed both hands into the pocket of his jeans.

"Hey." Zoro replied "You gonna stand there like an idiot?"

Ace rolled his eyes and walked up to Zoro's desk and hitched himself up on it, the piece of furniture creaked under his weight and for a moment both brothers looked at it in disconcert, fearing that it might collapse on itself.

"I didn't think you came here to demolish my room." Zoro kicked off his boots and stretched his back out until he felt a few cracks coming from his spine.

Ace scoffed "I'll leave right away if you keep up this abuse."

Zoro's eyebrows shot up "Says the one who's been untreatable for the entire day."

Ace raised his hands in surrender "Alright, alright!" he heaved a sigh, then dropped his hands onto his thighs, crossing his ankles "What's going on?"

Zoro shrugged a shoulder "Nothing in particular." he sat into a lotus position and stared at a random spot on the floor.

Ace groaned as he threw his head back "C'mon Zoro, this is getting old," he looked at his brother again, stern and not about to buy anymore excuses.

Zoro ran a hand over half of his face, heaving out a long sigh "Everything's getting old, lately, I just wish things ceased to exist at some point." he explained, leaning his elbows on his knees and hunching forward.

Ace's eyebrow quirked up "What does that mean?"

Zoro pursed his lips "I'm just tired," he began, his thumb running along his jawline and feeling the roughness of his regrowing stubble. "Tired of things left unsaid, tired of being toyed with, tired of..." he paused looking for words to describe concepts that he wasn't even sure about "I don't know," he shook his head "of my stupidity too, probably?"

Ace's expression hardened up and his eyes darkened, he didn't meet Zoro's gaze and left it to wander around the room "Sanji?"

Ace didn't even need to articulate a sentence, everyone was right, it was always about Sanji and it was getting old indeed. He felt like a complete idiot, with all his fears and weaknesses, he wasn't like that, he had always been strong and brave, but lately he felt like his feelings had completely taken over and were slowly crushing him.

"I wish I could erase what I feel for him," Zoro began with a shrug "I wish I were just like he is with me, just a friend who doesn't get all worked up over making out in a dark corner of a house. Who can just shrug it off the next day like nothing has happened at all."

Ace's eyes are quick to jump back on Zoro's, his eyebrows drawn together in the deepest of scowls "Wait, what?!"

Zoro scoffed, a hollow smirk tugging at the corner of his lips "Last night he kissed me in front of Nami, Vivi and even fucking Bartolomeo," he paused to let out another scoff "because he was pissed drunk of course, then he dragged me out of the living room when I protested and I thought we were gonna fuck up against a wall."

Ace's face looked surprisingly greyish when Zoro glanced at him, he was gripping the edge of the desk so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. All in all he looked like he was about to either throw up or pass out, if not both.

"Are you okay?" Zoro asked, his eyed wide under his knitted eyebrows.

Ace nodded quickly, then rubbed at his forehead "W-what happened then? Did you– did you stop?"

Zoro spread his arms "What was I supposed to do? Of course I stopped!"

"Y-yeah, of course..." Ace muttered with a nod, his gaze straying away from Zoro's eyes again.

"Why is it always me, lately?" Zoro asked, dropping his hands onto the mattress "He's never been like that with me! It just drives me fucking insane!" his fist gripped the sheets, his teeth gritting as he glared down at his lap "And people keep making fun of me, and I probably deserve it, because only a fucking idiot would endure what I am enduring. I'm a hopeless dickhead."

Ace shook his head "No!" he growled out, probably louder than he'd intended "Don't say that about yourself, you're... You're not an idiot!"

When Zoro's gaze locked with his brother's again he saw the tears welling up into the corners of Ace eyes "Ace..." he breathed out.

Ace pushed himself off the desk "I won't allow you to insult yourself like this, because you did nothing wrong!" his voice sounded shaky and his hands were trembling as he towered over Zoro "You're respectful, and you're not hurting anyone except yourself! You're a great guy, Zoro. Don't put yourself down like this!"

Zoro was going to say something, but Ace had already turned his back on him to leave the room. For some reason he couldn't bring himself to follow his brother, he just sat there, rooted to the bed and staring at the closed door while Ace's desperate and outraged tone rang in his ears over and over.

Zoro found himself oddly numb, unable to care for anything else that wasn't him, he wasn't going to chase after Ace to ask him what was wrong, he felt spent, drained, his whole day he had tried to be serene, caring about others, trying not to worry anyone and enduring Ace's horrible mood swings. He was exhausted now, weary of feelings and tolerating people's quirks, all he could think about was finding a way of meditating strong enough to render him immune to anything. Yes, he was going to ask Mihawk if they could work something out, something that would shield his heart and possibly never crack.

Zoro tugged down the covers to slip inside his cozy bed, maybe he didn't posses a shield at the moment but he surely could count on the comfortable and somewhat reassuring cocoon of warmth that was his comforter. He curled on himself, tightening the covers around him and allowing his eyelids to fall shut, his body gradually becoming heavier with the weight of sleep, and his mind slowly relaxing in a pre-dreaming haze.

Nothing could reach him, nothing could shake him awake, not even the buzzing of his cellphone still buried deep inside the pocket of his jeans. He let himself slide into a peaceful sleep, lulled by nothing but silence and a mind drained of all its thoughts.

Zoro slipped into a dreamless slumber, it wasn't probably deep and he knew it was probably going to cause him a headache. He was half aware of the things happening around him, he couldn't hear the noises from the street but he still felt the vibration of his phone, and at a certain point during the evening he knew that Luffy had opened the door of his room to check on him. Luffy was the only one allowed to barge into Zoro's room like that, he wouldn't let anyone do so, especially not when he needed some alone time.

His little brother's high pitch was enough to wake him up, even though he wasn't going to let him know he was awake. Luffy wasn't alone, or else he wouldn't be speaking to the backlit figure standing next to him. He couldn't quite make out the faces, especially not with poor lighting and having just regained consciousness, but he had heard the other guy's voice and had come to the quick conclusion that Usopp had been invited over.

"He's just run away like that and burrowed himself in here, and hasn't come out since." Luffy was making a poor job at keeping his voice low, but it was no news.

Zoro heard Usopp hum, then watched as he shifted his weight from one leg to the other "Have you considered the possibility that he's sick? Maybe he got the flu or something." there was a pause, and Zoro couldn't see how they were looking at each other, nor if they were glancing over at him.

"He never gets sick," Luffy explained in a sigh "you should know that by now."

"I do know that, but you guys are still human after all, even if you like to pretend the contrary."

Wasn't Usopp painfully right? Zoro liked to think he was the monster everyone had always referred to him as, but the reality of things was that other than having a monstrous strength and a great will power, if you scrape that surface it's quite easy to make him bleed.

"I wanna wake him up," Luffy began, his voice resoluteand his tone kind of lower "he needs to eat and feel better."

Usopp let out a dramatic sigh "Luffy, leave the poor guy alone."

Of course Luffy didn't listen, he rarely listened to anyone and always acted out of his own impulse, Usopp wasn't even done speaking that Luffy had jumped up on the bed, making Zoro groan low in the back of his throat.

"Hey Zoro, are you sick?" Luffy asked, one of his hands resting on Zoro's forehead.

"Yeah." Zoro muttered. It wasn't a real lie, he really wasn't feeling that well, not psychologically at least.

"You should eat some dinner, then." Luffy started, getting more comfortable on the mattress. "Shanks made so many steaks! And Usopp is here too, he's staying the night."

"Hey long nose." Zoro greeted him in a blank tone.

Usopp scoffed, annoyed by Zoro's nickname "Hey Zoro." he knew better than calling Zoro some horrible nickname for revenge, though.

"So?" Luffy asked, impatience practically oozing from him as he rocked back and forth in his seat.

Zoro let out a long, drawn out sigh and rubbed at his eyes. Being slightly social and putting something inside his stomach wasn't exactly a terrible idea, especially the food part. "Alright, I'll come." he croaked out.

"Yes! That's my Zoro!" Luffy exulted with a small laugh "Let's go then!"

Zoro pushed himself up and thoroughly rubbed at his eyes, he could feel his head throb ever so slightly but he knew he could bear with it. He watched as Luffy's backlit figure thrust a hand out for Zoro to hold onto, and in that moment he seriously wondered where he would be if Luffy wasn't in his life. Zoro grabbed onto Luffy's hand and stood up, and for some reason he kind of felt part of his energy being suddenly replenished as he followed the two guys out of the room.

He squeezed his eyes shut and used his hand as a shield against the artificial light that was so painful after staying in the dark for all that time, then remembered about his buzzing cellphone. Zoro automatically placed a hand over his pocket, feeling the shape of the mobile through the rough fabric, he didn't feel like chatting with anyone, especially not to Bartolomeo, he remembered he had texted Sanji, though, so maybe he had replied and it was probably better to read what he had to say.

Zoro fished out the phone and unlocked the screen, to find four texts waiting to be opened. He sighed and checked the senders as he slowly followed Usopp and Luffy towards the staircase. Two were from Sanji, and the other two from Bartolomeo. Of course. Zoro rolled his eyes and opened the chat with Sanji, first.

'i know i havent brought you lunch in forever and im sorry... dont think im not.'

Zoro's eyebrow quirked at that somewhat meagre answer, but it felt like it held more meaning and feeling than what it really looked like. Or maybe it was just Zoro's mind trying to read too much into Sanji's words as usual, trying to make everything bigger and more meaningful than it actually was. Zoro ignored his own thoughts and read on to the second message.

'its a very odd period of my life, one of the oddest probably and im sorry if i act worse than usual, im just trying to ease the mess that i am and im probably hurting others in the process.'

Now that was a more interesting reply that made Zoro scowl down at the unclean screen. So there was something going on with Sanji, he had finally admitted that, but Zoro knew that if Sanji had been open enough to let Zoro know about it, then it probably wasn't the right time to pressure him into adding further details. It was a satisfying answer, for the time being, so Zoro typed up his answer right away.

'we all got our awful moments, some are just worse and take longer to go away than others. but you know where to find me, shit cook. see you at practice tomorrow.'

He didn't linger too much into rereading his reply over and over and just sent it.

Doubt flooded in right away. Had he done the right thing by not asking something more? Should he had gone fishing for details? But after all he couldn't keep going mad over Sanji's quirks and whims, and definitely not in that delicate post-nap moment.

He reminded about Bartolomeo's texts, he couldn't be bothered communicating with people verbally, let alone having to make his brain properly work to deal with Bartolomeo. Why all these uncomfortable things had to happen to Zoro? He started agreeing with Sanji's odd period of his life, Zoro began to seriously think that he was probably going through a definitely absurd period of his life.

He forced himself to read the messages, ignoring Luffy and Usopp chatting as he trailed off behind them, he didn't have to reply if he didn't feel like, right?

'i know i probably come across as obsessive and im driving myself up the wall just thinking about how much of a pain i can be most of the times, but im not usually like that, i promise... its just... i get so nervous and excited around u guys, i know i make a fool of myself constantly, but i just want u guys to like me even tho im terrible at it'

Zoro's expression softened while reading the first message, it was one of the calmest and probably most sincere messages that Bartolomeo had ever sent him up until that point. Yes, he was annoying and he indeed made a fool of himself quite easily, not to mention how much he had been able to antagonize Sanji and even push him to the brink of a breakdown. Bartolomeo was a peculiar human being, a very passionate one at that, and Zoro appreciated all the love he had for The Crows, yet he was starting to feel a little cornered by him lately, and even if Barto hadn't explicitly said anything yet, it was pretty clear what he was aiming for.

Zoro went on with the next message as they had nearly reached the dining room.

'i know i act the silliest when im around u, but u are still nice enough not to tell me to fuck off, i cant help acting like a fuckin idiot around u, i actually can barely function around u and i hope u will understand how much it actually means. i wont say anything anymore in this text cuz i wanna tell the rest face to face... if im gonna be able to do it, i will be so nervous. im done bothering u, see u soon.'

That was a declaration. Plain and simple. Zoro's guts were twitching painfully and a sick sense of anxiety pervaded his body. He didn't want that, he didn't want to hear it out loud. Zoro couldn't return those feelings and he knew perfectly how much it could hurt. Bartolomeo didn't deserve that, rejection can cut you open and let you bleed out, Zoro knew how it felt like, his wounds were small scars that could re-open way too easily, but he perfectly knew how deep and painful it would be if Sanji flat out told him that he wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

He didn't know what to tell him, he didn't have a reply for those words, Bartolomeo had written clearly wearing his heart on his sleeve and Zoro couldn't be as sincere. Maybe Bartolomeo wasn't expecting an answer, he could be hoping for one, but Zoro had none. He burrowed his phone back into his pocket and took place next to Usopp at the table. He was fully aware that his family was going to bug him over being awfully quiet, but he only needed to endure that torture for a short while and then he could go back to sleep.

–

Zoro ended up replying to Bartolomeo the next morning, apologizing for the horrible delay and blaming it on feeling sick for most of the day. He knew he was blatantly lying, but it couldn't be helped. He still didn't know what to tell him in return, Zoro didn't feel the same, he probably couldn't write to Bartolomeo what he wanted to read, but he tried to come up with something decent and neutral.

'hey barto, sorry for the very late answer, i havent been feeling well yesterday so i rested as much as i could. anyway, theres no reason to justify your behavior, you're you and you're made in your own unique way. you're a great fan and friend and we all treasure you, no matter how it could look like to you. it was a pleasure having you at the party. have a nice day, bud.'

Zoro knew it was probably too detached and too much from a collective perspective, but he couldn't lie, he couldn't let him believe something that wasn't true because it would have killed him.

There had also been no reply from Sanji, and that had been enough to start off his day with a subtle feeling of annoyance and disappointment – but what did he expect, anyway? His last text to Sanji had been slim and kind of pathetic, knowing the Cook he had probably cursed at him multiple times and refused to answer.

Zoro buried his cellphone deep inside his sports bag, glowering at the sandwich he had made for himself as he zipped it shut, then walked out of the house on his own, getting ready for a long day at work that would hopefully keep his mind very busy.

All he needed was focusing completely on work and totally forget about whatever lied outside the walls of the gym. Zoro had nearly considered skipping lunch to train and avoid letting his thoughts wander, but he perfectly knew he needed to put fuel into his body if he wanted it to work, especially since he had to keep himself going until later that night for practice.

Zoro went to grab his sandwich from his bag into the changing room, ignoring the other men who were loosing their clothes for a shower, boasting about the girls they had fucked and their gym success in a tone way louder than necessary. Zoro couldn't stand them, so he just pulled on the black anorak he only broke out in the morning to go to work, then left the room to eat his lunch in the solitary quiet of the gym yard.

He took a seat on the very bench he had always shared with Sanji and kicked a few stray pebbles before tearing off the film he had wrapped his sandwich with. He stared down bitterly at the mess of bread, tuna, cheese, pickles and tomatoes he had made that morning, but right when he had finally mustered up the courage to sink his teeth into it a voice coming from behind the bench stopped him.

"Don't you dare eat that, you probably accidentally used expired ingredients or something, you stupid moss brain."

A whiff of smoke surrounded Zoro right after, and when he turned around he saw him: blond hair pulled tightly into a ponytail apart for the bangs covering his right eye, a half burnt out cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, a huge scarf all wrapped around his neck to protect his precious throat and a coat tightening around his lean but athletic figure.

"What? Cat ate your tongue?" Sanji asked in a monotone "Or was it your father who cut it off?"

Zoro's stomach fluttered and for a moment he lost all interest in stuffing anything inside of it. He hadn't seen that coming, not at all, he couldn't help but stare at Sanji like he'd been just a vision or an hologram, something incorporeal that wasn't really there and he was probably just imagining it because his brain was that cruel.

"Oi!" Sanji called out, this time louder as walked around the bench to snatch the awful sandwich from Zoro's hands thrusting a lunch box onto Zoro's lap "Did you smash your head somewhere and lost the ability to speak?" he went on as he wrapped the sandwich back with the torn film, not throwing it away.

"I..." Zoro started, his voice was hoarse, as if he hadn't spoken in months. He was so taken aback by Sanji being there, it was the last thing he was expecting. Zoro cleared his throat and swept his fingers casually over the lid of the box, he couldn't believe he had brought him lunch after all that time. "Why are you here?" he asked at last, looking up at him.

Sanji's cockiness vacillated, his silver tongue seemed knotted for a few moments and his eyes instantly dropped to the couple cracks on the concrete. "I'm a cook, ain't I?" he muttered, then peeked at Zoro from under his long lashes "Can't let you eat trash for much longer," he gave a quick one-shouldered shrug "you could poison yourself for all I know." by the time he finished speaking his voice was sounding stronger and more determined.

Zoro didn't even try to bite back the lopsided smirk that tugged at the corner of his lips and crinkled his nose just a little bit. "Were you missing me?" he teased.

Sanji's cheeks flushed just the lightest shade of red, and his face warped with anger at the same time "Shut the fuck up, Marimo!" he didn't spare Zoro's shin from one of his kicks "Just eat! I gotta head back to the Baratie already." he grumbled, burrowing half of his face into the voluminous scarf.

Zoro felt a sudden rush of adrenaline running through his body as he watched the blond blush slightly. Making Sanji blush these days was a proper ordeal, and he couldn't believe it had taken Zoro so little to get that reaction from him. His smirk blossomed into a full grin that threatened to split his face in half "I knew you missed me." he sniggered, absolutely unfazed by the other kick to the shin he had earned.

Sanji's gloved hands were balled into fists, squishing Zoro's sandwich in the process, and his entire body was visibly tense, his face redder than earlier "Fuck you! I told you to eat and possibly choke on your food!"

Zoro laughed, tipping his head back. He was feeling good, exceptionally better than the day before. All he needed was to see Sanji standing there in front of him, caring and bringing him lunch like he had always done. He peeled off the lid of the lunch box and inhaled the warm steam irradiating from the Korean rice that Sanji had cooked up for him. It was one of Zoro's favorites.

"Don't get too used to it," Sanji muttered "Bokkeumbap isn't exactly what you should be eating before going back to exercise." he added as he dropped the burnt out filter of a cigarette on the ground and stepped over it.

"Well, it was indeed the last thing I expected to find, anyway." Zoro commented as he inspected the rice and poked it with the plastic fork that Sanji had included into the box. He lifted his eyes back on Sanji and caught him lighting up another cigarette. It was kind of odd for Sanji to bring him so many carbohydrates and one of Zoro's favorite recipes into the bargain. "Do I need to worry?" Zoro asked as an obvious joke, furrowing his eyebrows as he squinted up at the other man.

Sanji's eyes widened almost imperceptibly, and the bare hand that was holding the lighter twitched ever so softly. "T'fuck are you talkin' about?" he snorted around the filter. He hesitated for a couple of moments before pocketing his treasured lighter "Just shove it into your mouth and get it over with." he exhaled a thin coil of smoke, then slipped his glove back on "I gotta go for real."

Zoro noticed every small gesture, mentally recording every tiny reaction and classifying everything as somewhat suspicious, but in that moment he was too busy being happy over Sanji having popped by and bringing him one of his favorite dishes to really weigh body language. "Zeff's really draining the life out of you, huh?" Zoro asked as he scooped up some of the delicious smelling rice.

Sanji let out a long, drawn out sigh "Where's the news, really?" he licked his chapped lips before sticking the cigarette back between them.

Zoro shrugged his shoulders as he ate. He would have moaned and rolled his eyes back at the heavenly taste of the food, but he never complimented Sanji's cuisine too much. "See you tonight?" he limited himself to ask.

Sanji tightened the coat around him "Of course, you all can't do shit without my wonderful voice."

Zoro rolled his eyes "Smoke a bit less, then."

Sanji swatted Zoro over the head with his free hand "Bye." he moved around the bench quickly and without waiting for Zoro to say anything in return.

Zoro turned to watch as Sanji disappeared around the corner, faster than Quicksilver. "Bye." he sighed to himself as he went back to eat the rest of his lunch.

Maybe it hadn't been a long visit, but Zoro had appreciated it nonetheless. After the small exchange from the day before he definitely wasn't expecting that Sanji would have actually gone to bring him food. Now that Zoro thought harder about the messages from yesterday he froze up with his forkful of rice midair and his eyes widened. He hadn't even asked Sanji how he was doing, Sanji had clearly told him that he wasn't holding up so well lately and it had completely slipped his mind.

"Shit." he breathed out as he turned around again, as if it could make up for anything. He dropped the fork inside the box and rested heavily back against the bench, throwing his head back and squeezing his eyes shut as he mentally kicked himself.

He actually had no idea if Sanji would have wanted to open up to Zoro in that moment, considering that he had also seemed to be in a hurry. Zoro considered texting him an apology, but then again it would have looked extremely stupid and it could have probably pissed off or upset Sanji, so no, it wasn't a good idea. Maybe he could have tried speaking to him in private that night or something, that could work.

Zoro stuck his hand into the pocket of his anorak to look for his phone and check the time, but realized that he had left it buried into the bottom of his sports bag. He huffed and tried to finish off his rice as quickly as possible (thing that Sanji would have forbidden him to do, because eating too fast is unhealthy) to get back to work as soon as he could.

The tables had turned, Zoro wanted nothing more than for time to run as fast as possible and for the day to bleed into the evening quicker than ever. After spending that handful of minutes with Sanji he needed more, he wanted to speak with him again and try to understand what was troubling him so much.

His emotions were prevailing over his reasoning, and there was a small voice in the back of his head that was reminding him of it. He knew he should have still been angry with Sanji for his newfound habit of violently making out with Zoro and then pretending like nothing had happened at all. He didn't know to which extent it was true that Sanji had no memory at all of their drunken shenanigans, and that bothered Zoro to no end, but in that moment all he wanted was seeing Sanji again, speaking to him, establish contact again. He had missed it so much and now every inch of him was craving for Sanji.

Zoro distractedly checked his phone during the day, ignoring Bartolomeo's reply and only swapping texts with Ace and Luffy to make arrangements for later that night. Zoro already had his change of clothes so that he could go straight to Franky's after working at the dojo, so he would have met his brothers directly there.

The evening at the dojo was a quiet one, most of the students had stayed home either because of homework or because of the cold, rainy weather. Zoro went exceptionally easy on them, thing that came as a surprise to everyone, even Mihawk, who Zoro clearly spotted in a corner, watching them with a slightly more quizzical expression than his usual impassive look.

Zoro didn't linger too much when tidying up the tatami, he put everything back quickly with the help of his students and went to change with the boys who apparently couldn't stop staring at him in bewilderment, as he stripped off his kendogi and pulled on his regular clothes. He didn't even give himself time to be amused by the looks he was receiving, because his mind was already set on meeting Sanji and doing band practice.

When he was ready and had shouldered his bag, Zoro muttered a goodbye that was returned half-heartedly as he was already shutting the door behind him. On his way out he found his father standing in front of the main door, as solemn as a Greek statue of a deity.

"What is it?" Zoro asked, his eyebrows pushing together in confusion "I was gonna say bye anyway, were you afraid I wouldn't?"

Mihawk's left eyebrow quirked up and there was an almost imperceptible twitch in his upper lip. "Your mood is a lot different from last night." he commented in a monotone.

Zoro blinked, even more puzzled than before "What?"

Mihawk ignored the question and went on "Be careful." and with those words he moved away from the door and returned to his office.

Zoro followed his father with his gaze, as confused as ever. He couldn't understand what exactly he was warning him from, but Zoro knew how much Mihawk loved being cryptic and creepy, so he just shook his head and blamed that brief and practically non-existent conversation to his father's oddity.

Zoro checked the time on his phone to make sure that he had enough time to get to Franky's early, – not because he knew he was probably going to get lost on the way, that was absolutely not the case – then he lifted the hood of his sweater over his head and finally stepped out of the dojo.

The icy wind cruelly whipped and stung at Zoro's face, and the rain falling diagonally drove him insane as it soaked his jeans and hood, dripping from his nose and chin. He wasn't going to let the weather ruin his mood, nor his resolution, his will and body were stronger than that, yet his horrible sense of direction was the thing that ticked him off and made him cuss like a sailor when he ended up on the same wrong route three times. Thank God he had left the dojo nearly two hours earlier than he was supposed to.

One way or another, Zoro finally recognized the street where Franky's house was located, and automatically sped up in the direction of the house. The lights were on in the living room, which meant that he was obviously one of the first to get there, but he wasn't planning on getting inside, yet. He had a feeling that Sanji still hadn't arrived, so he climbed the few stairs of the front porch and took a seat on the top one. He placed the bag beside him, pulled down the drenched hood and ran vigorously his fingers through his wet hair a few times.

"A wet Marimo, what a sight."

Zoro's head suddenly whipped to his left, where the voice had come from, Sanji was sitting in the dark, on the bench pushed against the wall of Franky's house "What the fuck? Are you playing hide and seek?"

A small laugh left Sanji's lips along with a greyish puff of smoke "Did I scare you, Marimo?" he stood up and stepped into the dim light of the streetlamp, a crooked grin painted on his mouth.

Zoro rolled his eyes "Fuck off."

Sanji shrugged a shoulder, an amused expression still present on his features as he took a deep drag of tobacco. "Why are you here so early?" he asked after almost a minute of silence.

Zoro bit his tongue. Obviously he couldn't tell him the real reason. "I just got off from work early." he said casually as he swept raindrops off the sleeve of his leather coat.

Sanji rested against one of the pillars, leaning one of his feet back on it "Lucky boy." he commented in a soft tone as he stared off into the distance.

Zoro looked up at him, creases forming on his forehead as he scowled "What are you doing out there? Waiting and brooding in the shadow like Strider..." he asked, smirking at his own mocking words.

Sanji rolled his eyes as he pulled a cigarette away from his lips "I could ask the same thing to you," he cocked an eyebrow "why didn't you go inside?"

Zoro's nostrils flared, still debating with himself whether he should tell Sanji that he wanted to talk to him or not. "You don't answer with another question, idiot." he muttered.

Sanji's foot dropped back to the ground with a thump, then shifted his weight on the other leg as he propped that one up against the pillar "I..." he swallowed thickly, his gaze straying from Zoro's "I don't know who's inside yet and I wanted to wait for other people to show up," he shrugged "that's all."

Zoro's frown deepened "Since when are you afraid to step inside Franky's house first?"

Sanji huffed "Who said I'm afraid, bastard?"

"Well, you're waiting for the rest of us to arrive so you can get in with someone else?" Zoro scoffed, clearly thinking it was the most obvious way to read Sanji's behavior."You got a problem with Franky or something?"

Sanji glowered down at Zoro as if he had insulted him "I do not!" he growled before going back to suck avidly on his cigarette.

Zoro's eyes widened slightly at that strange reaction "So is it because of him that you're not feeling well?" he dared asking. The cold was starting to penetrate his bones, so he tightened the coat around himself and rubbed his hands together.

The cigarette nearly slipped off Sanji's lips when Zoro's words were uttered, but he quickly made sure it wouldn't fall and nearly burnt his fingers. "Fuck!" he sneered when he finally caught the cigarette and held it between his fore and middle fingers "What the shit are you blabbering about, Marimo?" he cried. Zoro saw that his cheekbones had pinked up even in the poor light.

"Look, I–" Zoro faltered, his gaze dropping to the floor as he tried to muster up the courage to speak.

"You what?" Sanji barked, oozing hostility.

Zoro glared up at him "I am here early because I wanted to talk to you. You're being weird as fuck, and you said it yourself too!" he said in a firm tone, then glanced over at the front door and immediately lowered his voice, not wanting anyone to interrupt them by suddenly walking in on them. "In the text you sent me last night."

The way Sanji was looking at Zoro was almost fearful, he placed his foot down on the floor all over again and rolled the filter of the cigarette between his fingers in a clear sign of discomfort. "I'm not weird I–" Sanji bit at the little metal hoop that was hooked on his lower lip, hesitating. "There's nothing to talk about." his voice cracked and he stuck the cigarette back between his lips to inhale a drag.

Zoro stood up, determination flickering in his deep dark eyes and stepped in closer to Sanji. "Don't shut me out."

Sanji reared back instinctively, hitting his head back against the pillar in the process "I am not."

Zoro stepped further in, so much that their bodies were nearly pressed together "Yes, you are! Tell me what's wrong!" he insisted, trying not to look down at Sanji's lips.

Sanji removed the cigarette from his mouth and threw the stub under the rain, onto the asphalt. "Nothing is wrong." he nearly spelled out the words as he slowly spilled them out, his eyes meticulously avoiding Zoro's.

Zoro scoffed, his hand nearly moving on its own as his thumb and forefinger went to grab Sanji's chin to turn his head and make him look at him "Why do you even lie?"

Sanji had thrown the stone and then he'd hidden his hand. It was nothing new, Zoro was used to Sanji hinting to his malaise and then denying it completely once someone really worried about it. Zoro knew that Sanji hated exposing himself and letting people see him in a moment of frailty, but Zoro could never consider him weak, Sanji was probably the strongest person he knew. Sometimes, though, even the strongest of people need to lay their heads on someone's shoulders and share the weight of their suffering with that person. Everyone needs help, every once in a while, and Zoro was more than willing to aid Sanji.

"Get off me, bastard." Sanji sputtered out, but there was no rage in his voice, only pain. He didn't even move a muscle to push Zoro away.

"I just wanna help you." Zoro insisted, though he let his hand slide off Sanji's face as he took half a step back.

"There's nothing you can do," Sanji shook his head. His hand snaked inside the pocket of his coat to fish for the umpteenth cigarette.

Zoro was taken aback by those words. If there was nothing he could do to help, then there was definitely something going on with Sanji. "At least tell me what's troubling you!"

Sanji groaned and threw his head back in exasperation "It's not just a matter of what, but also a matter of who." he spoke, cryptic. He lit up the cigarette and stopped looking at Zoro once again.

Zoro's heart sank all the way to his stomach. There was a dull ache in the middle of his chest, or maybe it was a burn, he couldn't tell. A matter of who. So it was a person. A person was the cause of Sanji's pain. It could be anyone and it could be for any reason.

"Then who is it?" Zoro asked, determined and stubborn. He knew it could take a miracle for Sanji to actually spit it out, but he hoped he could work one.

Sanji laughed a brief, hollow laugh, then exhaled a blueish coil of smoke towards the ceiling. "Like fuck I'm telling you who it is, Marimo."

A sharp eyebrow quirked up. He had foreseen that answer coming. "I thought I was your best friend. Shouldn't you tell me these things?"

Sanji's expression hardened up as he finally glanced back at Zoro "I'm not telling this to a living soul. Don't be dramatic." he shook his head, then puffed on his cigarette.

Zoro growled, hanging his head "You're fucking impossible!"

Sanji's eyebrow rose "Oh I know that," he nodded a few times "I know that all to well. I have to live with me all the time." a bitter smile curved his lips.

Zoro was just about to open his mouth to say something, to tell Sanji that if he would just open up to him things might be easier, but the rumbling of an old car stopping by and the screeching and slamming of its doors interrupted them.

"Zoro! Sanji!" Luffy's voice called out to them, as the boy rushed up the couple stairs. It had stopped raining and Zoro hadn't even noticed.

"Hey, Luffy." Sanji greeted in a small voice that made Zoro turn to look at him with an arched eyebrow.

When Zoro glanced back to his brothers, Luffy had already looped both arms around him, and as he was trapped in that bone crushing hug, Zoro could see a funereal expression on Ace's face.

"Hey!" Zoro said softly as he patted his little brother on the head and hugged him back with one arm only, his eyes were still glued to Ace's fidgeting figure standing by the car.

"What's wrong with you?" Zoro asked, and Ace literally jumped on the spot.

"N-nothing!" Ace stuttered as he went up the stairs "Hi..." he muttered, not looking at him in the eyes and shooting Sanji a weird look. "We're getting in, it's too cold outside." Ace kept mumbling as he dragged Luffy with him.

Seriously, why was Zoro surrounded by people acting like they had all suddenly gone insane?

"Okay?" Zoro blinked as he followed his brothers with his eyes as they went inside Franky's house. When he turned back to Sanji, the blond was furiously chewing on his black painted nails.

"We should–" Sanji's voice didn't exactly break, it completely failed to come out before he could suck in a deep breath "We should get in, too." he cleared his throat and took one last drag of tobacco before flicking away the unfinished cigarette.

"No," Zoro shook his head and earned a befuddled look from Sanji "we're not done yet. We're talking."

Sanji huffed "We're very done, actually." he pushed Zoro away from him "I'm freezing my balls off here, and I'm tired of talking." he announced as he made his way towards the front door.

Zoro let out an irritated sigh, but let Sanji go anyway. That wasn't the best time to start arguing anyway, so he limited himself to pick up his bag and get inside the house as well.

Maybe the conversation hadn't been a full success, but he'd still managed to tear some information from Sanji. Information that was probably going to haunt him for the rest of the night.

–

The four boys had indeed been the first to arrive at Franky's, and were greeted by a less than usually cheerful host. There was an unspoken tension ghosting upon them that you could literally cut with a knife, Zoro was more and more bewildered by the entire situation and thanked the entire Norse Pantheon when Nami, Vivi and Usopp showed up to bring some positive energy and actual liveliness to the house.

During the dinner they shared their nervousness and insecurities about the show they were going to have the day after, and now that Zoro was finally giving it some thought he was starting to feel anxious, too. Still that didn't justify certain behaviors, Zoro couldn't believe that the tension and the weirdness he had sensed earlier that evening were all just the result of anxiety, why would Franky feel just as worried as the actual performers?

Zoro tried not to rack his brains about it too much as he downed the third beer and bit into the fifth slice of pizza. He was sitting next to Nami who was clearly trying to out drink him, and succeeding at that, since she was on her fourth beer and didn't even look all that tipsy as she discussed the setlist.

The songs were going to be almost all the same, they were going to keep Manson's Personal Jesus instead of Sonata Arctica's The Wolves Die Young, and I Come With Knives as the mandatory IAMX cover.

There had been a few moments during dinner, in which Zoro had caught Ace and Sanji exchanging quick glances and then glaring down at their own food or lap, and for some reason he had started feeling slightly irritated by them, especially since Ace didn't seem to be able to ever hold Zoro's gaze for more than half a second. It was suspicious, to say the least, but he didn't have much time to think about it as they all poured downstairs into Franky's garage to start practicing.

"Are you drunk yet?" Nami teased as soon as Zoro sat by the drums.

Zoro rolled his eyes "No," he arched an eyebrow "you're the drunk one, even just 'cause you asked me this."

Nami pulled a face at him, then went to position herself by the keyboards, blowing Vivi a kiss while she was sitting between Franky and Usopp.

Zoro clearly saw Sanji rolling his eyes at him before he could turn around to grip at the mic stand, and for a moment he considered flinging both drumsticks at him. He hadn't even spoken a single word to Zoro after their little moment on Franky's porch and now he had the guts to actually act annoyed if Zoro dared interacting with their other friends? Well, wasn't that rich?

Zoro didn't want to fight, not again, he wanted to let out all the pent up frustration that plagued his body by playing. He watched as everyone got ready, waiting as Luffy and Ace tuned their instruments before setting up the rhythm for the first song by hitting his drumsticks together one, two, three, four times before actually starting to bang on his drums.

Zoro performed the greatest part of the song with his eyes closed, he knew everything by heart and he didn't even need to look at what he was doing. He was allowing his body to breathe in melody and bleed out rhythm, his strong arms swayed almost as if they had a life of their own, his mind was empty and his very core was more relaxed than ever. Music was his drug, his best mean of meditation, the most effective medicine for his soul.

When the first song ended he didn't know if anyone's performance had been faulty, he'd been too lost in his own little world to notice, but he could tell that there was still some tension between Sanji and Ace.

"You don't have to be so close while I sing, alright?" Sanji muttered, not even looking at Ace in the eye.

"I wasn't that close?" Ace blinked, puzzled "Just take a few steps ahead if you don't want me near you, I can't sit on Zoro's cymbals to play." he retorted, and finally Zoro could recognize a more lively tone in his voice.

"Fuck off..." Sanji grumbled, but didn't even make the effort to put up a real argument as he pushed the mic stand ahead and distanced himself from the guitarist.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?" Usopp asked with a frown, swinging one of his legs over the other. Zoro noticed the way Franky shifted uncomfortably in his seat and suddenly became interested in plucking small hair from his button down shirt.

"They've been weird as hell all evening, don't mind them." Luffy answered him with a wave of the hand, then strummed a random rhythm with his bass.

"We're not being weird! I just need some room when I'm singing or it gets suffocating!" Sanji explained in a grouchy manner.

Nami snorted louder than Zoro thought it possible "Sure, especially when you literally smear against either Ace or Luffy during lives." she cackled, making a scene of holding her stomach as Usopp and Vivi chuckled with her.

Sanji wouldn't dare replying to Nami, but Zoro saw the way his body completely stiffened and his head lowered in a mix of shame and rage, probably.

"C'mon guys, is this really worth arguing over? Let's just keep going!" Luffy huffed and jumped impatiently on his spot, looking like a tiny volcano ready to erupt.

"Let's do Blood On The Snow, so we can all soothe our nerves." Zoro suggested, sighing as he repositioned himself on his stool. Everything felt like a bad soap opera between grumpy goths, and Zoro had definitely had enough of it all.

"I bet you're so stressed out, Marimo." Sanji singsonged, still with his back fully turned on Zoro.

All the good purposes that Zoro had in mind flew straight out of the window as he furiously sprung to his feet and both Nami and Usopp had to physically hold him not to let him launch himself at Sanji. "I'm tired of your bullshit, what the fuck is wrong with you, fucking stupid Cook?" Zoro roared.

Sanji turned around, his face flushed and warped with rage "Just leave me the fuck alone, you damn moss brain! Haven't you bugged me enough, today?"

Franky rose from his seat and stepped over to block Sanji "Guys! Enough!" he thundered, and both Sanji and Zoro immediately stopped struggling to get to each other's throats. "We're calling off practice if you have to keep doing this! Don't you care about tomorrow's show?"

Sanji hung his head and dropped his arms along his sides, his fists relaxing and opening up. "Sorry, Franky. You're right." he spoke in such a small voice that Zoro felt a weird chill running down his spine.

"Sorry..." Zoro murmured as he sat back down on the stool and picked up his sticks from the floor.

Sanji looked on the verge of tears, Zoro wished he didn't know that expression as well as he did. Why did they always have to snap at each other like that was always going to be a mystery to everyone, even to Zoro.

"I-I need to..." Sanji's feeble voice cracked as he gestured towards the stairs and pulled out a wrinkled cigarette from his back pocket.

"Okay, uh... Let's all take a ten minutes break, shall we?" Nami suggested in an uncertain tone, then walked over to Vivi, who had witnessed the entire scene developing by her eyes completely paralyzed in her seat.

Sanji had to walk by Zoro to go upstairs, and when he was close enough to the drummer he didn't look at him but whispered "Please, don't follow me." then left the garage.

Zoro wanted to throw up, but he didn't. He stayed rooted to the stool as he stared blankly at the drum kit, not really seeing it. How did things get so horrible between them, when they had been so calm and nearly normal at lunch?

"Zoro?"

Luffy's voice sounded so muffled and distant to Zoro's ear, yet when he raised his gaze on him, his brother was close enough to clap a hand on his shoulder and squeeze at it.

"Are you alright?" Luffy frowned.

Zoro didn't manage to speak, but he did nod a couple times. He instinctively looked in the direction of his older brother, but as soon as their gazes met, Ace averted his.

Why? What the hell was going on with everyone?

–

The ten minutes break lasted about thirty, during which Sanji refused to come back to the garage and Zoro barely moved and spoke from behind his drums.

Usopp was the one who managed to convince Sanji to join them again, he was very empathetic and calm when needed, and in that moment he was the best chance they had in getting Sanji to sing again, since Zoro wasn't allowed to speak to him. As for Zoro, he only regained a bit of enthusiasm when his youngest brother managed to make him smile after several tries.

Once they were all reunited into the garage the room felt more crammed than ever, a mist of awkwardness and tension hovered them, but Nami had cracked a motivational speech which had given them enough charge to at least practice the trickiest songs. Between tracks, Usopp, Nami, Luffy and Vivi tried to keep the spirits up with jokes and compliments, Franky joined them at some point, and one way or another this got them all through the couple hours of playing.

"So, tomorrow we must leave kinda early, it's nearly an hour drive from here to Logue Town." Franky began as he watched his friends shrugging on jackets and coats.

"Yeah, no problem," Nami nodded right after slipping a beanie over her half shaved head "Vivi and I will get here as soon as possible." she then eyed the rest of her bandmates "Dunno about them, though."

Usopp chimed in, waving a gloved hand "I'm supposed to come with you and Vivi, so..." he gave a single shouldered shrug, then sheepishly looked over to Zoro.

He nodded his head, tightening his coat around his tired body "Sure, we'll be here on time." he spoke. It was practically the first time he had spoken after the argument with Sanji, he had spent the rest of the night being a passive observer of whatever happened in front of him and mechanically played every song they picked.

He was still thinking about how little it had taken for both he and Sanji to burst, or how Sanji had come back with the little eyeliner he was wearing smeared underneath his eyes. His voice sounded so hollow as he sang, it almost sounded like somebody else's and it was one of the things that hurt Zoro the most, Sanji's apathy was scary.

Zoro looked over at Sanji, he had half of his face burrowed into his scarf and a huge beanie was covering his head, leaving only one of his blue eyes on display, still it looked stripped of its life, it was like a switch within Sanji had been turned off.

"I've got an early shift tomorrow, so that I can take the rest of the day off," Sanji dragged out his words as if it took him a great effort to utter them "I'm gonna go now, I'm really tired." his dull voice was muffled by the thick, fluffy fabric of his scarf.

"You need a ride?" Luffy asked, and Zoro had no idea how to feel about it.

Sanji shook his head "No Luffy, thanks." he pulled one of his hands out of the pocket of his coat and slightly wriggled his fingers "G'night, peeps." he turned around and left at a quick pace.

"It doesn't feel safe." Zoro mumbled all of a sudden, after everyone had bid Sanji an insecure goodnight.

"Huh?" Vivi furrowed her eyebrows "What doesn't?"

Zoro gestured towards Sanji "It's late and he's tired and–" the rest of the sentence died on the tip of his tongue, he had no idea of what else to say, how could no one else see what he meant?

Vivi seemed to understand, though "Nami, let's..." she jerked her head towards Sanji, and in that moment Nami got it, too.

"You can drive Usopp home, right?" Nami asked, her gaze wandering between Ace and Luffy.

"Of course!" Luffy replied with a grin.

"We'll handle it, Zoro." Vivi smiled at him and gently squeezed at his arm "Don't worry."

"Goodnight!" Nami smirked before she and Vivi could speed in the direction of Sanji, who luckily was still in sight.

Zoro hadn't said anything, not even a word of thank you, but he was sure that Nami and Vivi knew that he meant it. Knowing that Sanji wasn't going to wander off alone, ending up fuck knows where, was a great relief.

"Well..." Franky sighed, shifting his weight from a leg to the other "I guess we should all get some rest, huh?" a small smile curled his lips.

"So, before we go..." Usopp started, a shit eating grin splitting his face. "Tell us about last night."

The blood drained from Franky's face, leaving a ghastly expression on his features "W-what? What about last night? I-I saw nothing!" he raised his huge hands in a defensive manner.

Zoro scowled at him, puzzled, and noticed that everyone else was looking at him just the same, except Ace who had kept his expression of discomfort through all the evening and night.

"What?" Usopp asked, befuddled "No, I mean with Robin!"

Franky's eyes widened and he froze for a moment as the panic from before left him as quickly as it had come "Ooohhh!" he palmed his face and let out an exaggerated laugh "I'm super silly, forgive me!" he ran his thick fingers through his light blue hair "Robin is a real lady, and I'm a real gentleman, so I won't be telling you anything you shouldn't know about."

"Alright, that's what I thought." Usopp nodded, and Franky nodded in return with a smirk "She didn't want to sleep with you."

"W-what?!" Franky nearly screamed, and everyone, even Zoro couldn't help but at least snort. "No, that's–!" he blabbered, his cheeks flushing furiously.

"It's alright, bro! It happens!" Usopp reassured him as he laughed.

"Stop it! It's just 'cause she thought it was... A bit too soon." Franky explained, clearly embarrassed "And I really like her, and I'd never force her to do anything."

A small, lopsided smile tugged at Zoro's lips "You don't have to justify yourself, Franky," he shrugged "you're a real man for doing this. You don't force yourself on anyone, no matter what."

Franky's eyebrows rose "Thank you, bro."

Zoro nodded, then hit his shoulder into Luffy's "Let's head back now."

"Yeah," Luffy nodded, then waved at Franky "Night, Franky! See you tomorrow!"

"See you tomorrow, Franky!" Usopp saluted him, then followed Luffy and Ace to the car.

Zoro limited himself to lazily wave at Franky before joining his brothers and Usopp. He got into the front seat next to Ace, leaving Usopp a spot next to Luffy, he watched the two boys whisper and giggle from the rear view mirror and couldn't help but smile fondly at the sight.

Zoro glanced over to Ace who had his eyes firmly glued to the road, and a deep scowl wrinkled his features. They were both quiet for the entire ride, when they stopped to let Usopp in his house and Zoro caught a glimpse of Luffy brushing his lips from Usopp's cheek to the corner of his lips ever so softly, he didn't elbow Ace to comment on it, he kept silent. They were quiet even when Ace resumed driving to get home, almost as if Zoro was just a random customer on a cab, they spoke about nothing at all.

Zoro's mind had decided to shut down, probably because he was so mentally and physically exhausted that he was refusing to bust his brains over painful things. He had actually no idea as to how he was going to get through the day after, and absolutely no clue about how the band was going to play an entire show after that night.

Once the brothers finally stepped inside their house, Zoro murmured a quick 'goodnight' and disappeared upstairs. He shrugged off his coat, kicked off his boots and jeans, then dived face first onto his bed. The first idea was to let the pillow he had his face burrowed into, smother him, but sleeping seemed like the next best option, so he went with that instead.

–

The spritz of boiling oil that sprayed against the pale skin of Sanji's hand hurt, but couldn't compare to the agony he had literally pushed himself into. He retracted instinctively, letting go of the spatula and the pan he was using (yes, the old fart had caved in an let him back in the kitchen) with a hiss, his glare shifting from the offending objects to the stinging area of his hand.

He wasn't feeling that much pain, he wasn't even hearing the snarky comments around him, he was just staring at the tiny burn and marveling at the sensation of relief in his chest: the physical pain had distracted his mind from overthinking.

Maybe Sanji had always been a masochist, he had always relished torturing himself in various ways, not to mention the orgasms he could get while being inflicted just the right amount of pain, but he didn't self-harm, he never had, not even as a kid. For some strange reason now, he found himself fighting the urge to dip his whole hand inside the scalding liquid in front of him.

"You idiot,what are you doing?" Patty's rough tone of voice startled Sanji and brought him back to reality.

"What do y– Hey! Shit!" Sanji stammered out as his wrist was yanked and he was forcefully pulled to the closest sink.

"Doing what you're apparently too gone to do," Patty growled lowly as he put Sanji's hand under the icy cold stream of water.

Sanji squirmed slightly and bit his bottom lip "Let go of me!" he finally sneered, pushing Patty away with his other hand "I can do it myself." he grumbled, as he made sure that the area of the burn felt numb enough to pull it away from the water.

How he wished he could numb all his senses just like that, he would have paid his weight in gold for that knot in his throat to unravel, for that stomach ache to leave him alone and for that nasty feeling in his chest to flutter away.

"Being nice to you is never a good idea."

Sanji heard Patty mumble as he walked back to his position, but he ignored him thoroughly. It was fine, he could manage, he was a sous-chef and those kind of accidents were way too common for him, he had had worse anyway, way worse. He got back to work immediately, trying to fix the condition of the food he was frying as fast as he could before Zeff stepped back into the kitchen, he wasn't going to give him any reason to scold him more than usual.

Sanji was glad that he was at least back in the kitchen, having his real job back made things slightly more bearable and focusing on cooking everything to perfection was a very good distraction. Or at least that was what Sanji had thought, before all kinds of horrible thoughts and memories had decided to pool inside his head and make him burn himself.

When Sanji had showed up to the Baratie that morning he had probably looked like he was dying, because Zeff had tried to send him back home at least three times before giving up. He hadn't slept much, he had hoped that he would pass out from exhaustion during the night, at some point, but he didn't. He spent the greatest part of the night tossing and turning, turning and tossing, as many scenes from that evening at Franky's replayed in his mind over and over.

Sanji had always thought himself to be an excellent actor, not to mention how great he was at repelling feelings, but as time went on everything had proved to be slowly disintegrating. His mask was cracking, his armor was rusting off and he had absolutely no clue as to how he should deal with what was lying underneath.

Realizing that he was in love with Zoro had destroyed him, it had turned his jealous side into a vicious, vengeful monster that didn't care about anything nor anyone – hell, the night before he'd even been jealous of Nami joking around with Zoro! Sanji knew all too well that what he had done was horrible, he had tricked Ace into sleeping with him, all to get back at Zoro for cuddling on a couch with that Bartolomonster. He was painfully aware of how much Ace was dying inside, he had seen him fall apart with desperation, crying and pulling at his hair, and Sanji ached for that, but he couldn't do anything about it, the damage was done.

Sanji had seen the confusion in Zoro's eyes, the raw need to know what the hell was suddenly going on with his best friend and with his brother, yet Sanji was helpless, unable to give Zoro a word of comfort, unable to fix things between Ace and Zoro, and it was scary.

Fear had been eating away at him from the moment he had stepped out of Franky's house, the morning after he and Ace had slept together. It was gnawing at his insides, feasting on his organs, poisoning his blood and plaguing his thoughts. Sanji had thought up every possible worst case scenario and they all resulted in him being left alone.

The band would split up, no one would ever speak to Sanji again and Zoro would never want to have anything to do with him ever again. His entire life, his dreams, his affections, everything would turn to ashes in the blink of an eye, and it frightened Sanji so much that at some moments he could hardly breathe.

That entire day at work was pure agony, he was afraid of getting off his shift and having to meet his friends, which was the thing that usually gave him life, he was supposed to be jumping with excitement at the thought of playing Murder Of Crows' first gig out of town, but instead all he wanted to do was crawl in a hole and never get out of it. Still he needed to be strong, to glue back the shattered pieces of his mask and to fix his armor as much as he could. Anything was possible if he bit the bullet, he was a fighter after all, so he was still going to fight.

The meeting with his friends was at Franky's, around 4:30 pm, the show wasn't going to start before 9 but they'd rather reach the venue early and get familiar with the stage, than arriving late and barely have time to even set up all the instruments and perform a thorough soundcheck. Sanji was always an extremely punctual person, and at exactly 4:30 he was already on Franky's porch, sharing a cigarette with him.

Sanji didn't need to ask anything to the other man, he already knew that Franky had seen or heard what had gone on between he and Ace, they had fucked in one of his guest rooms, after all, and if Franky had left his own bed to Robin he had definitely checked the room that should have definitely been empty.

They didn't say much, they only exchanged a few pleasantries and swapped a few set phrases to express their nervousness for the upcoming show. Franky had this worried expression plastered on his face, and he kept looking at Sanji as if he was going to shatter into a million pieces right before his eyes. It was kind of irritating, but Sanji didn't say anything, he just picked at a few hangnails with his teeth.

It only took a few more minutes for everyone else to gather, all wrapped up in their warm coats and scarves, with their instruments inside their cases and an extra bag for their stage clothes. They were all beautiful and anxious, filled with hope and unable to stop fidgeting and speak nonsense, only to exorcise their fears.

Brook was with them, of course, he couldn't abandon them in such a moment of need, he was part of The Crows and his exceptional violinist skills were vital to them. They had also proposed to let him do a solo with a cello, in which he was going to accompany Sanji while singing The Rains Of Castamere as a small interlude.

Sanji was more than thrilled to finally have the possibility to sing that marvelous song live, but thinking about the tragedies that usually followed that song in the Game Of Thrones universe was definitely worrying him.

"We're gonna play The Rains Of Castamere, Sanji!" Brook clapped his hands together excitedly "And then we can slit some random throats!"

Everyone laughed out loud, except for Sanji's nervous chuckle, Ace's small giggle and the complete lack of laughter from Zoro, who was still trying to fit his things into Brook's van. Sanji dropped his bag to the floor and moved towards the van in order to help Zoro and make some sort of conversation, even if they had barely greeted each other.

"Why do you always wanna do everything by yourself?" Sanji sighed as he picked one of the boxes containing parts of Zoro's drums kit and putting it into the back of the van.

Zoro didn't look at him "That would be 'cause I can perfectly handle myself." he slightly shifted the box that Sanji had put down, then straightened himself back up and dusted his hands "Just like you don't need my help." he said in a monotone as he finally looked at Sanji.

Zoro's glance was powerful and Sanji felt like it was piercing into his very soul. Sanji's gaze dropped to the ground as he slowly shook his head "Listen, it's not like that," he started as his eyes raised back to Zoro's "I'll always need you it's just that–" he bit his lower lip, unsure as to what he should be saying next "In this particular small chapter of my life, there's nothing anyone can do." he shrugged his shoulders "Not even the bravest of swordsmen."

Zoro's eyes widened slightly, his eyebrows raising at the same time. Sanji knew that what he had said was maybe a small compliment, but Zoro rarely received any from Sanji, just like the other way around. That look of surprise quickly vanished, as Zoro shook his head "Alright. As you wish." he said briefly, then walked back to Franky's van in order to climb inside of it.

That uneasy weight settled back on Sanji's chest, his stomach twisted uncomfortably and his heart tightened in anguish. He couldn't say anything, he needed to lie and dodge questions and assumptions, but the genuine awe he had seen on Zoro's features felt like a stab in the ribs.

"Sanji, move your ass! We'll be late!" Usopp called out from Franky's van.

For a moment he considered riding into Brook's van, with Vivi and Nami, leaving both Zoro and Ace alone. Maybe it was the best thing to do, to remain as calm and relaxed as he could at least on the way to Logue Town.

"I'll ride in Brook's van! Don't worry about me!" Sanji shouted back "I'm not leaving our beautiful ladies alone with a pervert!"

"No, that's right!" Usopp hollered in response "Let's leave them with two perverts!"

"I'll kill you!" Sanji barked.

"Now, now," Vivi poked her head out of Brook's van "don't get too worked up, just get in the van!"

"Get in the vaaaaan!" Nami echoed from inside the vehicle.

Sanji heard the rumble of Franky's van turning on and watched it pull on the road "Yeah, comin' my ladies!" he sighed before finally climbing inside.

–

Sanji did his best to flush out everything from his head during the ride, he was sitting next to Brook, listening to him as he told them about the best of his students' shenanigans and laughing with Nami and Vivi. There was a merry playlist of '80s rock songs playing in the background that were contributing to that relaxed and blissful atmosphere, which lulled Sanji into a peaceful state. Brook knew how to make them feel good before an important show.

Brook was an experienced musician who had unfortunately lost his job in the most prestigious orchestra of the nation, thing that pushed him into an awful spiral of depression. Fate decided that one night, in a small club, when Murder of Crows were still complete nobodies, Brook watched them perform and everything seemed to fall into place. Meeting The Crows and befriending them turned his lonely, painful world upside down. He had found again the will to carry on with his life and rediscovered what was it like to be enveloped by the warmth of his friends' love. The Crows had learned so much from Brook, and Brook took care of them as if they were all his children.

"If you guys become famous, it'll probably make me the happiest man on this earth." Brook sighed, his teashades covered eyes were focused on the road.

"I'm pretty sure I'll be that man." Sanji couldn't help but contradict him with a snort.

"Oh c'mon, Sanji, you know what I mean." Brook huffed in reply.

"We know Brook," Nami placed a hand on Brook's shoulder, squeezing it softly "we know."

Sanji saw a tear rolling down Brook's cheek as a smile tugged at his lips, but didn't say anything, Sanji limited himself to smile and turn his head to look out of the window. They were almost there, he could tell, and no matter the calm and relaxed time he had spent on the van, now that the venue got nearer and nearer Sanji could feel the fear resurfacing, spiraling up his stomach and compressing his lungs.

When the two black vans parked one next to the other, in the parking lot reserved to the artists, Freakshow were already there, smoking in the golden light of the backstage door that flooded a large portion of the dark backyard.

Sanji hopped off the van and watched his friends warmly greeting their fellow musicians, he hesitated, still not ready to be social, but when he saw Bartolomeo enfold Zoro in his arms it only took Sanji a quick few steps to stand next to the drummer.

"Hey, nerds!" Sanji greeted everyone in his usual manner, a lopsided grin dangling from his lips. He felt Zoro's eyes on him but didn't dare turning his head to look at him.

"Hello, you diva!" Bonney smirked at him.

"We thought you weren't here, for a moment." Law's eyebrow quirked.

"Sorry to disappoint you, Trafalgar." Sanji shrugged a shoulder, then jerked his chin towards the cigarette that Law was holding between his fingers "Aren't you gonna offer me one?"

Sanji didn't think that Law's expression could turn even smugger, but apparently it could.

"Sure." Law grinned, then buried one of his hands into the back pocket of his black jeans to fish out a cigarette to hand to Sanji.

"Thank you." Sanji took a couple steps ahead to take the cigarette, then waited for Law to light it up for him.

"Fuck's sake..." Kidd whispered, as he stood next to Law. He cleared his throat and looked past Sanji's shoulders "Do you guys need help with your equipment?"

"Sure, we can always use an extra pair of arms." Zoro replied.

Sanji furrowed his eyebrows and looked back at Zoro incredulous, he wasn't the kind of person to ask for help when it came to use his muscles.

"I'll help you with your drum kit!" Bartolomeo literally jumped on the spot "Where is it?"

Sanji's eyebrow twitched and his jaw clenched so tight that his teeth ground together, jealousy rushing through his veins like poison.

"Uh..." Zoro dared looking in Sanji's direction, then he looked back at Bartolomeo "In the bigger van." he jabbed his thumb behind his back, in the general direction of Brook's van.

"Alright then, let's go!" Bartolomeo started into the direction of the vehicle, followed by Zoro.

Sanji bit into the filter of the cigarette hard enough to sever it from the rest of the tobacco rod.

"Alright, we'll help with the rest of the stuff, then." Kidd nodded and walked towards Franky's van.

"Yeah guys, let's go!" Bonney called out and Heat and Killer moved towards Brook's van to unload the rest of the boxes and cases, then she looked at Law "Are you afraid to break a nail, or you're gonna help, too?"

Law waved his fingers "I work with these, I'm not gonna risk my precious hands."

Bonney scoffed and left.

"I'll go change the strings on my bass," Law announced to no one in particular, then looked at Sanji "Wanna keep me company?"

Sanji rolled his eyes "Fuck off."

"Asshole." Law shrugged a shoulder, then disappeared past the stage door.

Sanji leaned against a wall, watching as everyone strained themselves with weights and quickly poured inside the backstage of the venue. He was left alone with his smoke and his thoughts as he stared up at the night sky, the soft wind blowing through his hair.

"Hey..."

Sanji flinched and quickly turned his head in the direction of the voice he had heard. Ace was standing next to him, a determined expression painted his features.

"What the fuck do you want, Ace? You scared the shit out of me!" Sanji growled lowly, flicking ashes on the asphalt.

"After tonight's show... I'm telling Zoro."

Sanji's heart stopped for more than one second, his breath hitching in his throat "I'm sorry... What did you say?" he arched an eyebrow, hoping to whatever deity that he had misheard Ace's words.

"I'll tell Zoro everything, after the show." Ace repeated, altering the order of the words.

Sanji dropped the cigarette to the ground and grabbed the collar of Ace's jacket with both hands "You little shit, don't you fucking dare!" he roared a few inches away from Ace's face.

"I do what the fuck I want!" Ace growled in return, shoving Sanji back "I can't stand the weight you've burdened me with! I can't keep this inside of me any longer!"

Sanji's nostrils flared as he bared his teeth like a fierce beast "If you do it, I'll kill you with my bare hands." he threatened him in a low, fury dripping voice.

Ace let out a huff of laughter "Zoro will probably kill me first," he shook his head "but he has a right to do it. You don't scare me, Sanji. Not even a bit."

Sanji's attitude faltered, Ace was far too resolute for his taste "You can't do this. You have no right!"

"I have every right." Ace shrugged "I'm not like you, I can't lie to my brother."

Sanji felt his heart sink to his stomach. Of course Ace would think that he was some sort of soulless/heartless monster who wasn't fazed by what had happened, he was that good of an actor. He couldn't find the strength to get back to Ace in any way, his gaze fell upon the asphalt and he watched the cigarette burn away in the cold. He felt exactly like that cigarette, he felt like every second that passed was consuming him.

Ace turned on his heels and Sanji listened to his steps getting more and more distant. Sanji raised his head, glaring at the darkness as Ace's words replayed in his mind over and over. He couldn't let it happen, he couldn't just give up like that, could he? The problem was that he didn't think he had even an ounce of strength left inside of him.

To Be Continued...

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A/N:I have a special favor to ask to one of the guest readers that leave me comments, and the guest in question is Aika, please darling, either make an account as a reader here so I can reply to your exceptionally genius comments or tell me wherever I can contact you, because really... You're a genius, haha!

I'd actually like to reply to everyone who leaves me reviews as a guest, but unfortunately this site is mean enough not to let authors respond to ALL their reviewers.