Spit It Out

by varg.grimoire

Sanji has repelled love for his entire life as countless events destroyed his trust in it. Unable to deal with his emotions, he indulges in the pleasures of the flesh with random strangers while Zoro, his childhood best friend, is left aside to watch. They share the dream of bringing their metal band to a professional level, but their hearts and minds will make it ever so hard.

14. Chapter 14

A/N: Yeeeeeeah, apparently I'm seriously awful at updating, lately, I haven't done so since January and I feel really bad for it, ugh. The story is simply getting very hard to develop and there have been times in which I've felt utterly discouraged and I couldn't bring myself to type even a word. I hope presenting you with such a long chapter will make up for the wait, and I hope you won't give up on me just yet.

I want to thank everyone who's been amazing and supportive of me, leaving messages and what not, all your kind words are the best fuel for my inspiration!

The only warning about this chapter is that there's a spoilery character appearance, even though they really don't do much more than a cameo. Mostly because I love them and I wanted them to show up, teehee.

Well, enjoy!

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Chapter 14

Panic pervaded Sanji's entire body, it made his stomach sick, his chest tight and his throat knotted. He slid inside the venue from the backdoor and wished nothing more than to turn invisible, or maybe vanish into thin air. He didn't want to be seen, he didn't want to spend any amount of time having to speak or do anything social – definitely not the right mindset for someone who was about to play a show in a matter of hours.

The backstage was larger than that of the Colosseum, in the left corner they had set up a couple tables with all kinds of food and drinks, and Sanji could see Luffy, Usopp and Bonney wolfing down everything they could get their hands on. On the further right were several doors, all of which lead to offices and changing rooms, not too far from the doors there was a rest area with three couches all facing each other, and the rest of the Freakshows and the Crows were all speaking and drinking together. All of them, but Zoro and Ace.

Sanji stopped breathing. No, it couldn't be... Would Ace seriously fess everything up to Zoro before the concert? That would have been the stupidest move on earth!

He tried to take a few steps ahead, but his legs felt completely drained of all their energy, boneless almost, so he just rested back against the nearest wall and tried to take in as many deep breaths as he could. A panic attack was exactly the last thing he needed at the moment. Sanji let himself slide down the wall until he was sitting down on the floor, drawing his knees to his chest and resting his forehead against them.

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

Luckily enough, for the time being, he was able to forget about his surroundings and empty his head in order to only focus on his breathing. He resorted to holding his breath, counting to four and blowing out all the air he had stored in his lungs several time, hoping that the tingling in his hands and feet would just go away, along with the hammering in his chest.

Sanji felt like he was about to either pass out or choke to death, yet his limbs were petrified and rendered him unable to move or call for help. Maybe that was it, he was just going to leave that life of his, it would have probably been better for everyone's sake.

"Cook? What the fuck?"

A muffled voice reached Sanji's ears in a dream-like way, it couldn't be Zoro, he was only God knew where speaking with Ace, and if by any chance he had already been done talking to him, he definitely would just leave Sanji to die alone in a corner.

"Cook? What's wrong with you?"

A hand on his shoulder, a squeeze and a firm shake. Sanji blinked his eyes open and lifted his head to meet Zoro's concerned frown.

"Please... Please don't kill me." Sanji managed to utter in between ragged breaths "I'm already dying."

Zoro's eyes widened underneath his knitted eyebrows "What the fuck? Why should I kill you?"

Sanji dug his nails into his jean clad knees, his chest hurting and his breathing uneven "B-because you... Hate me."

Zoro's expression couldn't become more puzzled not even if he wanted to, but suddenly his brows shot up as a switch flicked on in his mind. "Shut up, Sanji, I don't hate you. It's a panic attack, you're gonna be fine."

Sanji's had those before, when he was younger mostly, a result of his mother's departure and the roller coaster of a relationship he has always had with his father. Zoro had witnessed many of those, and in the past he had always been great at recognizing and treating them. Just like he had just done, now.

Tears pricked at the corners of Sanji's eyes as guilt stabbed him in the chest one more time.

"It's okay, really," Zoro knelt beside Sanji, sitting back on his heels as he rubbed the blond's shoulder "just breathe with me, alright?" his voice was soft, and his expression so different from the usual scowl.

A sob escaped Sanji's throat, strangled and miserable, he didn't deserve that sympathy, didn't deserve Zoro's kindness, he would have kicked Zoro's ass just for getting near him, because he reminded him that he was his anchor and it only increased his pain.

"Come on, Cook, don't cry." Zoro wiped away a stray tear that had rolled down Sanji's cheek "It's gonna be over soon if you breathe with me, yeah?" Zoro's hand hovered Sanji's cheek for a moment, then went back to hold his shoulder.

"I'll kick your teeth in, shitty..." Sanji squeezed his eyes shut.

"You won't be able to kick anyone if you do not breathe." Zoro commented with a raised eyebrow.

In a normal situation, Sanji would have probably stamped his foot into Zoro's face, but in that moment it was best to just give in and start breathing rhythmically with the moss-head.

"In through your nose," Zoro almost enunciated as he took a big breath in "out through your mouth." he blew the air through his puckered lips.

Breathing with Zoro proved to be easier and more effective. Sanji could feel himself come down from the panic attack, slowly but surely, as Zoro squeezed his shoulder gently every time he breathed in.

"Feeling any better yet?" Zoro asked when Sanji's breathing had eventually evened out.

Sanji nodded as his eyes fell upon his knees. He didn't have the courage to look Zoro in the eye, Sanji's mind had pulled quite the joke on him and fate even a crueler one when Zoro walked in on Sanji having a panic attack triggered by him.

"I'll bring you some water, okay?" Zoro patted Sanji's knee "I'll be right back."

Sanji finally looked up at him, silently struggling with the need of Zoro staying by his side but at the same time not wanting him near. He watched as Zoro made his way to the food table, then took a further look around to see if anyone was staring at Sanji or anything, but no one seemed to have taken notice of him. It was better off that way, much better, he didn't need the attention.

Zoro did stop to chat with Usopp, the only person between he, Luffy and Bonney who hadn't fit an entire sandwich in his mouth, and Sanji hoped he wouldn't mention his little episode, he didn't need anyone's pity. All of a sudden, Ace appeared in the picture, pushing past Usopp and Luffy to reach for food and a beer himself. By that time it had become more than obvious that Ace still hadn't said a thing to Zoro, still seeing Ace coming from a random place of the venue made Sanji feel better.

A thought started bouncing around Sanji's mind: he needed to try and properly convince Ace to keep his lips sealed, no matter the pain it could cause him. Spilling the beans to Zoro would have just caused a bigger pain, it would have sliced open a deep wound that wouldn't be easy to sew back shut. Yes, he couldn't risk to have a real heart attack the next time. He could do this, he could convince Ace.

"Here, drink."

A cup filled with fresh water was thrust right under Sanji's nose, when he least expected it, making him flinch in surprise.

"Whoa! Sorry!" Zoro furrowed his eyebrows "I didn't mean to scare you."

Sanji shook his head "It's fine, I was lost in thought." he took the cup from Zoro's hand and brought it to his lips only after he'd softly thanked him. The water felt like ice pouring down his dry throat, but it was definitely pleasant.

"We still have some minutes before the sound check, wanna go get some fresh air?" Zoro asked in the same gentle tone from earlier.

Sanji licked his wet lips, hesitating before finally nodding.

"C'mon." Zoro stood up and held out a hand for Sanji.

Sanji took Zoro's hand and got back to his feet, then followed the drummer outside. He tried to bundle up in his coat as much as he could manage with a plastic cup filled with water in his hand. It was cold, cold as fuck, and Sanji's skin was still covered in a thin sheen of sweat that he feared it could turn into frost, exactly like the windshield of the vans parked right in front of them.

The chilly air did help, though, Sanji closed his eyes, relaxing as he let out a big sigh of relief, his warm breath turning into steam as soon as it clashed with the cold.

"I hope you'll be okay for the gig." Zoro muttered from beside him, making him open his eyes to look over at him.

"I should be." Sanji nodded briefly, then busied himself with the water cup he was holding, taking a few sips.

"Has this started happening again lately or..." Zoro began asking, then shrugged a shoulder "It just did this evening?"

Sanji had no idea how to respond properly, lately everything he thought he had overcome had started haunting him again, his certainties had come tumbling down. Anxiety had been killing him lately, and unfortunately he's had his fair share of breakdowns, but a panic attack like that – he hadn't felt that terrible in years.

"Just this evening." Sanji answered, evasively. He would have wanted to add that he should have seen it coming, because it had been clearly building up with everything that had been happening, but he kept his mouth shut.

"Look," Zoro shifted his weight uncomfortably from one leg to the other as he prepared to speak "I know it isn't stage fright, so if you ever decide to let me in and tell me what the hell is going on–" Zoro shrugged again, leaving the sentence hanging.

Sanji threw his head back with a huff upon hearing those words. He knew Zoro was stubborn and cared about him, but there was simply no way he could tell him anything. "It'll pass, Marimo..." he nodded "It'll go away and leave me alone, at some point." then he brought the cup to his lips to finish off what little water was left inside, and whispered "Hopefully."

Zoro sighed out of frustration, probably the most common feeling he could get while around Sanji. "You know, I've been seriously worried for you up until now." then with a head tilt he added "Worried and angry, both. But now?" he raised his eyebrows and jabbed a thumb behind him "After the episode inside?" Zoro's expression turned into his most serious scowl as he went on "Now I'm scared. It was scary seeing you like that. I hadn't seen you in that state in years, and something bad must be going on, and I have all the rights to ask you what is it."

Sanji had rarely heard Zoro speak so much to him, as of lately, and it felt kind of weird. In a good way, though. Zoro was right, he knew him so well and could read him like a book. Sanji thought that maybe Zoro didn't know him well enough to think what he could be really capable of – or maybe, the thought of Sanji doing something as despicable as what he had done couldn't even cross Zoro's mind. That made sense, after all. You always try not to fantasize about the worst part of the people you love and care about.

"Of course you got your rights, but I told you... It's an odd moment of my life, and I'm the only one who can deal with it." Sanji replied in a tired tone. Because that's what he was: tired. Tired of grieving and lying, but he had brought it upon himself and he couldn't really complain that much.

A small, hollow smile curled Zoro's lips as he looked down at the ground. That little smile made Sanji's heart sink to his stomach. It was a knowing one and a disappointed one, and it hurt to see it. But Sanji couldn't do anything, he couldn't fess up, couldn't even kiss that tiny smile away. The blond raised his free hand, and brought his fingertips to Zoro's lips in an affectionate gesture – it was the only way Sanji had to erase that painful expression.

Zoro's eyes shot back up at the feeling of Sanji's fingertips against his lips. The smile fell, replaced by a look of mild surprise and some kind of relief. Zoro grabbed Sanji's wrist gently, then proceeded to kiss each one of the five soft pads presented to him.

Sanji's jaw slacked, his face heating up despite the freezing cold, and that stupid fluttering in his stomach came back to torment him. He couldn't help but move his hand to cup Zoro's cheek and gently thumb at his cheekbone, he watched the other man lean into the touch, and Sanji's heart went wild.

He was so fucked.

It could have literally taken a single motion for Sanji to pull Zoro into the breath taking kiss that he was actually fantasizing about. A swift tug on the back of Zoro's head and their lips would have crashed together, maybe Zoro would have put up a fight, but Sanji would have made sure to make him melt in the kiss and wish for the rest world to stop existing once and for all.

Maybe he should have done it, if everything was meant to be ruined then he should have ruined it in the best of ways. His ratiocination had flown out of the window the moment Zoro had kissed his fingertips, along with his self control. Sanji's hand shifted to tangle with the hair on the back of Zoro's head, but he hesitated.

Zoro's eyes went wide, maybe filled with panic, in the dim orange light Sanji couldn't quite make out the actual color of Zoro's cheeks, but he was pretty sure they were as flushed as his own.

"Cook..." the word died on Zoro's lips, and his neck stiffened as he clearly offered resistance.

Sanji shook his head slightly, as if trying to tell Zoro not to ask any question, then twirled a few strands of green hair around his digits, tugging softly.

Was it fair, after what he had done? Was it the right thing to do? Sanji didn't know, he didn't even think about it, he was exposed, his defenses lowered as the raw need for Zoro's entire being pervaded his body like a drug. He tilted his head just slightly, adjusting his position to fit Zoro's, and just when he was leaning in, a voice broke the spell.

"Guys! You're up for sound check!"

Both Zoro and Sanji flinched away from one another, and their heads whipped in the direction of the door, where a shocked Usopp was staring at them all wide eyes and slacked jaw.

"Shit! Sorry!" Usopp's dark cheeks flushed as he hurriedly got back inside.

"Usopp!" Sanji called out, thrusting a hand in the direction of the door as if he could grab Usopp and stop him.

Sanji's face was probably redder than ever, and now that he looked at Zoro's unreadable expression he couldn't help but feel like the biggest idiot on earth. What the fuck was he doing? How did that thought even graze his mind? How could he even think that it was okay to try and kiss him just like that? And they were both completely sober! If Sanji could get anymore stupid, then his brain would have melted out of his ears.

"We should, uh–" Sanji started, trying to avoid looking directly at Zoro as he gestured towards the door. He felt like his tongue was knotted, and there was no way he could utter anything that could make sense. Unable to speak further, he casually looked down at the hand where he had forgotten he was holding his cup of water and found the cup completely crushed in his hand, dripping with what little was left of the liquid. He dropped the crumpled, deformed plastic cup on the asphalt.

Zoro was staring at him, he could feel his gaze bore a hole into his forehead, but Sanji hadn't got the courage to hold his gaze. He wanted to run, flee the venue and not have to face Zoro for as long as he could, but that wasn't an option.

"What were you–" Zoro started, and a horrendous chill ran through Sanji's spine.

"Don't." Sanji shook his head with both eyes firmly squeezed shut.

"Cook." Zoro's voice was deeper than ever, and made Sanji shake from his very core.

Sanji shook his head once again and pushed past Zoro in a hurry to get inside the venue, he bumped his shoulder into the doorjamb and muttered a curse.

Great. Now Zoro was going to avoid him for the rest of their days. What was Sanji even turning into? The crazy drunk and sober kisser. He'd fucked up so many times already that he had no idea of how Zoro could still cope with him.

Usopp was nowhere to be seen, he was probably in his workstation with Franky, working on the lights and the sound. Good, at least he wouldn't have to face him. Ace was adjusting the strap of his guitar, and as soon as he spotted Sanji he quickly went on stage to avoid him. Of course, he didn't want Sanji to speak to him.

"Luffy, stop eating for a goddamn second!" Nami's shout made Sanji snap out of his thoughts, and also turn in the direction of the keyboardist and bassist.

"But I'm hungry, and I need energy to play a show!" Luffy whined with pizza crust poking out of his lips.

Nami groaned in frustration and threw her head back "You're impossible to deal with!" she caught a glimpse of Sanji and raised an eyebrow "There you are! I thought you ran away, or something!"

Sanji smiled softly and shook his head "I could never..."

"You better not." Nami answered, dry, then jerked her head towards the stage "Let's go, we lost a lot of time!" she quickly hopped on stage.

"Let's go, Sanji!" Luffy grinned, wiped his greasy hands on his jeans, then grabbed his bass and went on stage.

Sanji cleared his throat and took a few calming breaths, he hoped to his good stars that his voice wouldn't fail him, then went on stage himself.

Ace was thoroughly avoiding to make eye contact with him. Sanji walked up to his mic stand, the entire lineup of Freakshow were right in front of the stage, together with Vivi and Brook cheering them on. He heard a few heavy steps behind him, and he didn't even have to turn around to know that Zoro had finally joined them on stage. Now he seriously wanted to vomit.

"I think we should start with I Come With Knives, we never did it live before." Sanji spoke into the mic, turning just slightly to see Nami's nod of approval, and then she started out the song.

There was a small bridge at the beginning of the song, a stanza written in German that was Nami's job to sing since it was a feminine voice, that only served to give Sanji a couple more moments to breathe and hopefully slip into the right mindset to sing.

It never actually took much effort for Sanji to slide in and be completely enraptured by any IAMX songs, since he had always felt like the singer and author of the songs, Chris Corner, was a kindred soul. There were so many lyrics that spoke to Sanji on a spiritual level, they felt like words spilled directly from Sanji's mind, it was scary sometimes, Chris sang about so many issues that sounded so much like Sanji's. That was why he loved IAMX and why he put them even above Nightwish, they had come up with the soundtrack of his life.

Even that time, Sanji had decided to express his feeling through I Come With Knives, because it represented him and his turmoil perfectly. It was a song that spoke about how being in love is an agony, about being scared of love and not exactly being great at it. Definitely something that Sanji had never wanted to sing about, love had never been contemplated, nor romance, and that was the very first time he sang something like that for an audience. The oddest part was that no one had teased him about it, but it was probably because they had never paid attention to the lyrics and only to the melody.

Sanji sang the first couple lines of the lyrics and his body had already been pervaded by them, he had turned into his usual confident self, his body moving with the elegance and sensuality of a feline as he followed the rhythm of the song while the stronger drum line suggested that the chorus was about to start.

"I never promised you an open heart or a charity. I never wanted to abuse your imagination."

This alone was scarily accurate, Sanji knew and remembered perfectly all the times he had made out with Zoro while being intoxicated and out of his mind. Still it was something he'd never be open about, and something he'd never do while sober.

"I come with knives, I come with knives, and agony. To love you."

Sanji's voice trembled slightly, but he managed to keep it steady. He was possessed by the song, not just by its music, but by its meaning, and as he sang his heart out, pouring out all his frustration and pain, he didn't notice the faults in Zoro's playing.

–

The sound check may have started out well, but as it went on the nervousness and tension that had built up through the days became unbearable, turning most songs into musical disasters.

Sanji and Ace kept avoiding each other, and also throwing sharp remarks to one another, disrupting their chemistry and making everyone more and more frustrated.

Even Freakshow, Vivi and Brook noticed how everything was absolutely off with them and were appalled by what they were witnessing. Those weren't The Crows they were used to see perform, they were a bunch of angry people attempting to play songs and failing miserably at that.

They left the stage for Freakshow to do their own sound check earlier than they were supposed to and Sanji was the first one to run off the stage like it burnt him. Zoro trailed behind everyone else, glowering down at the wooden floor as if it had personally insulted him.

There were too many thoughts on Zoro's mind, they were so many that they didn't even make sense, like a crowd of people all screaming at him and leaving him unable to make out anything that was being said. Still he knew that the connection between all those thoughts and their focus was obviously Sanji. Sanji and how impossible he was. Solving a Rubik Cube with one hand while being blindfolded would have probably been an easier task to accomplish than understanding Sanji.

Zoro was still numb from what had happened outside the backdoor of the venue, when he had felt so incredibly warm in the cold of the night. Sanji was going to kiss him, and that was the biggest certainty Zoro had, still it had taken Sanji so little to snap back to his senses and run away... Like he always did.

–

Freakshow started their sound check the moment they hopped on stage after Murder Of Crows, they hadn't exchanged a single word with them, only small smiles that barely hid the disconcert they felt for the terrible performance the Crows had pulled.

Zoro could safely admit what had been his reason for playing so horribly, after his moment with Sanji, once he had got on stage behind his drum set and Sanji had decided to start out with I Come With Knives, Zoro had really paid attention to the lyrics for the first time. It was unbelievable, Sanji was singing about being in love for the first time in his entire life, he had actually chosen on his own free will to bring that song to life for their gig and that made such a huge difference.

The small pieces of the puzzle that was Sanji's behavior were slowly starting to fall into place. It didn't make things easier, especially not when Sanji ran and hid away at any given chance, making it impossible for Zoro to confront him about anything at all.

So Sanji was in love, or more possibly he was trying to fight against that foreign sentiment, there was indeed someone and he was making it even too clear. But why avoid speaking about it the way he did? Knowing Sanji he was probably ashamed of it. He had always repelled everything romantic, just being around couples disgusted him, having this kind of feelings now must have been a nightmare for him.

But Zoro would never make fun of him. Well maybe a little, he'd tease the hell out of him in a normal situation, but Zoro was in love with Sanji, so he wouldn't even have the strength to make even the smallest of remarks if Sanji were to tell him the name of the person he had fallen for. Fuck, he felt nauseous only thinking about that.

He was completely torn between wanting to speak to Sanji again and having no desire to find out anything to preserve what little was left of his sanity. Not that he was sure he'd even tear any kind of answer from Sanji, Zoro was probably more likely to squeeze water out of a stone. He wouldn't even have actual time alone with Sanji before the concert would have been over, since they had to hurry and get ready and... Since Sanji was nowhere to be seen at the moment.

"What the fuck was that?" Nami growled out loud all of a sudden, making Zoro snap out of his thoughts. "We fucking sucked up there! What's going on with you fucking idiots?" her face was warped with anger, her cheeks flushed red as she scolded her bandmates.

Ace looked down at the floor, scraping the tip of his boot against an old, dusty crate pushed into a dark corner of the backstage.

Luffy shifted uncomfortably from one leg to the other, then let out a sigh "I don't like doing this, but Zoro's mistakes made me lose track of the rhythm and–" he shrugged, shooting Zoro a nervous look.

Zoro hung his head, shamefully. He was perfectly aware of the mess he'd made and how the rhythmic section influenced the rest of the instruments, making everything sound terrible.

"What's Ace's excuse, then?" Nami snarled in the guitarist's direction.

Ace peeked at her through his lashes and his still lowered head, and just shrugged "I was nervous and unfocused, I'm sorry." he grumbled out his apology, and tried to step away from under the spotlight of attention that Nami had pushed him under.

"Well we're all nervous for tonight!" Nami scolded him, then looked at Zoro "And where the fuck is Sanji?!"

Zoro's expression warped with anger. Why in the world would she look directly at him? It wasn't like he was hiding Sanji or anything. "I'm not his damn babysitter! Why are you lookin' at me?" he barked back.

"Don't you dare yelling back at me!" Nami shouted, rage soaking her completely. Then her eyes scanned the rest of the band, as she probably realized that Zoro couldn't always know Sanji's whereabouts "Are you all aware that we cannot fuck up during the actual show?"

An ushered choir of "Yes" lifted from the bashful band members.

"It's normal to be scared and nervous, but you need to focus and do your best!" Nami went on with her speech, then her voice became even more threatening "Don't you dare pulling another half-assed performance like the one from two minutes ago!" she growled, stabbing a finger in the direction of the stage.

"Fuck, no! We'll kill it!" Luffy threw a fist in the air, determination hardening his boyish features as he looked at his bandmates "We're gonna rock this place so hard we're gonna make the walls and floor tremble!"

"Yes, we will!" Nami agreed.

"Absolutely," Ace nodded, but didn't look at anyone in the eye "no more bullshit."

"No more bullshit." Zoro echoed, staring down at the scraped linoleum. He didn't exactly know what he was referring to in particular, because that sentence held more meaning than anyone could think.

"Here you are! Where the hell have you been?" Nami snapped all of a sudden. Zoro lifted his head just in time to see Sanji's pale features appear right beside Nami.

"Sorry, I wasn't feeling too well." Sanji licked his lips and shrugged a shoulder.

"For fuck's sake!" Nami sighed "Are you sick?"

Sanji shook his head "Not anymore, I'm fine now." he cracked her a soft smile.

"Okay." she pursed her lips and clapped a hand on his shoulder "If you fuck up during the gig I'll kill you myself." she nodded, then gestured for Vivi to follow her towards the changing rooms.

Zoro looked at Sanji, but the blond was way too good at avoiding his gaze. He would have wanted to know if Sanji had really been sick, but by the look on his face he could tell that he probably hadn't lied.

"You guys will do just great, I'm sure of it!" Brook tried to reassure them with a big grin plastered on his lips "Anxiety will pull nasty jokes during rehearsals, but you'll be perfect during the actual show!"

"Brook's right, bros! You're gonna kill it, out there!" Franky gave them a thumbs up "The audience's gonna make it easier!"

"If not... Then Franky and I will simply kill the lights and speakers." Usopp shrugged with an unimpressed look on his face.

Luffy shoved him "Shut your face!"

"Let's get changed, yeah?" Sanji suggested as he rubbed the back of his neck and turned on his heels.

That was going to be a long, long night.

–

The boys got ready in a quite deafening silence, the only things that could be heard were the rustling of fabrics, the stomping of boots and the clicking of eyeshadow cases being popped open.

Zoro shot fleeting glances around him at regular intervals, studying everyone's body languages and trying to milk some information from them. Nervousness was the most common sensation that radiated from the other three guys, even if Luffy looked like the most determined of them all. It didn't come as a surprise, of course, Luffy was born an optimist and he always looked at the bright side of things, even if the light was dim and feeble. Zoro should have learned to be at least half as positive as his brother, at certain times of his life.

Ace looked like he was about to either throw up or pass out half of the time, and Zoro was starting to be seriously worried about him. So much that at one point, as he peeked at Ace from the corner of the mirror that Zoro was using to do his make up, he turned around to stare at the guy holding onto the edge of the bench he was sitting onto as if he was going to slip off of it at any moment.

"Ace, are you okay?" Zoro furrowed his eyebrows, and noticed the way in which Sanji had perked up while silently styling his hair.

Luffy too, turned around to look at his brother, and stopped strapping on his boots to stare at him in concern. "Jesus, Ace! You look like death!"

Ace rolled his eyes "I'm just fine, leave me alone." he sighed, then rubbed at his sweaty forehead "It's just–" he tugged off the sleeveless top he had worn earlier, and dropped it over his bag "It's suffocating in here, I'll be outside." he stood up, avoiding any kind of eye contact, and quickly left the room, leaving no choice of answer to the others.

Zoro and Luffy exchanged weirded out looks, then the youngest stood up from his seat and placed a hand over his chest.

"I'll try talking to him, you just finish getting ready." Luffy waved a hand in Zoro's direction.

"Just leave him be!" Sanji suddenly spoke up, making the two brothers turn their heads towards him. Sanji shrugged a shoulder, blending brush in his fingers as he focused on shading his eyeshadow. "He's an adult, he probably just needs some fresh air. He's right it's suffocating in this room," he huffed, fixing a small smudge on the corner of his eye "and it stinks too. The owner might wanna take better care of cleaning."

Zoro remained quiet. Sanji did have a point, a selfish one at that, but it was true that the changing room they gave them sucked, still it was a bit strange that Ace would react like that.

"He's our brother, we must look out for him." Luffy retorted, and that threatening sort of look warped his delicate features.

"He's also an adult and his own person, he's shitting himself for tonight. That's all there is." Sanji went on with a kind of bored tone of voice.

"Well, he's been weird these past days, too, and I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with tonight." Luffy insisted, fists clenching by his sides.

Sanji placed the brush down on the stool he had been using as a makeshift console, and leaned closer to the mirror to check for more smudges and faults in his make up "Well today's today, and we all know how bad we did during sound check." he pulled back to shoot a blank glance to Luffy and added "I'm not so calm, myself. Fuck knows what will happen during the actual concert."

Zoro was starting to feel more and more uncomfortable about the entire situation, and the last thing the band really needed was having a real fight, and as he passively witnessed the exchange between Sanji and Luffy his spider senses were definitely tingling.

"Alright, knock it off. Both of you." Zoro spread his arms "Are you really gonna pull an argument at this very moment?" he shook his head in bewilderment "We're going on stage in less than an hour, we cannot afford to be mad at each other." he looked straight into Sanji's eyes, and the blond averted his gaze right away.

"No, you're right," Luffy cut in "Ace probably doesn't even wanna be bugged, right now." his expression hadn't changed, though, and neither had his tone of voice. He sat back down and automatically started to finish getting ready.

Zoro knew that Luffy was still angry, he could see him boiling underneath the surface but there was nothing he could actually do, so he just nodded and went back to finish doing his own make up in silence.

He had no clue how they were going to get through that night without a major failure, but only thinking about Murder Of Crows crumbling and falling to pieces over small, petty things made him so incredibly angry. They were so much more than that, they couldn't just give up at the first signs of difficulties. Zoro wasn't going to allow it to happen, that band was the most important thing he had.

Zoro couldn't help but notice the swift change in Sanji's attitude, he was back to his usual almost apathetic self, Zoro hadn't seen that side of him for some time now, but while it was worrisome, it was also something that Zoro couldn't really put too much thought into, at the moment. Not to mention that they weren't alone, and he certainly couldn't ask Sanji anything while Luffy was there with them.

"I'm finished here," Sanji announced casually, and started collecting all his makeup products from the stool and carefully storing them back in an inner pocket of his duffel bag.

Zoro arched an eyebrow, not exactly expecting the other man to speak to him at all, left alone for a pointless announcement like that. "'Kay..." Zoro murmured as he gathered his stuff and moved to place them all in his bag, and fishing out a pair of drumsticks in exchange.

He watched as Sanji theatrically wrapped a black feathery boa around his shoulders and walked past him, carefully avoiding any exchange of glances. Sanji pulled the door open in a secure motion and left the changing room, no hesitation, no second thoughts.

Zoro turned to look at Luffy, who had clearly finished getting ready even before Sanji did, but he hadn't moved from his seat and looked as though he was trying to bore a hole into the floor with his glare.

"You okay?" Zoro asked as he sat down beside him, trying to keep his tone casual. He knew too well how much Luffy disliked pity, so the last thing he wanted was to sound like a worried dad to his little brother.

"I just have a bad feeling." Luffy grumbled, not lifting his eyes from the floor.

Zoro's grip on the drum sticks tightened, and the hair on the back of his neck prickled. He too had an awful feeling, about way too many things, so knowing that Luffy shared – at least partly – his discomfort, worried him.

"About tonight?" Zoro tried, running his pierced tongue between his chapped lips.

Luffy shook his head "No," he paused, taking a breath and balling his hands into fists "or maybe even about tonight, I don't know." he finally raised his gaze on Zoro and scowled at him "Something's awfully off."

Zoro swallowed thickly. He clenched his jaw and nodded slowly, turning his head to stare blankly at the wall across from them.

"It's like a storm's brewing, and not even too far off into the distance." Luffy went on in a calm, yet extremely serious voice.

Zoro rolled his shoulders and tipped his head back, a long sigh left his lips as he tried to ease off the tension in his body. "I know." he revealed to his little brother, and not too short after he felt a hand resting upon his knee. Zoro looked down at it, then turned back to face Luffy, and instead of the stoic expression from before, he found renewed determination.

"We're fighters, we can fight off the storm." Luffy nodded, patting Zoro's knee.

Zoro raised his eyebrows, a small, lopsided smile tugging at the corner of his mouth "You can bet your ass we will." Luffy was right, they were fighters and no matter what was going to happen they weren't going to let anything beat them, it just wasn't in their nature.

Luffy stood up from the bench and jerked his head in the direction of the door "Let's go, it's getting late."

"Yep." Zoro got up himself and followed his brother out of the room.

–

The backstage felt incredibly crowded and suffocating, like the amount of people dwelling it had doubled in the meantime, even though it wasn't true. Everyone was buzzing with anxiety and nervousness, bouncing on the spot or trying to get the right amount of booze in their body that would soothe their nerves but keep them lucid enough to perform.

Now, that sounded like a great idea to Zoro, if the amount of alcohol that it would take him to actually get to that point, wouldn't also fill his bladder up to the brim and the last thing that Zoro needed was risking to wet himself on stage.

Something suddenly caught Zoro's attention, making him temporarily forget about getting tipsy: Eustass was pacing back and forth on the same spot, looking like one of those cartoon characters that at one point would start consuming the floor and digging a hole with their feet. Trafalgar was staring at him with his usual unimpressed expression, but it looked as though he was waiting for the right time to kick out his leg and trip his partner.

"Walking back and forth like a captive hamster isn't going to make him get here faster, you know that?" Bonney broke the silence, clearly annoyed by the redhead's pacing.

"He's really fucking late! Did he die?" Kidd growled, stopping momentarily to answer Bonney "I thought he'd be more punctual, at least because of his fucking favorite band!" he gestured in the general direction of the members of Murder Of Crows, then resumed his pacing.

"If you don't sit down like the rest of us, I'll cripple you myself." Law threatened in his low, harsh tone, but it was like talking to a wall.

"I'll kill him. He's a shitty tech and an even shittier brother." Kidd went on, as if no one had actually spoken to him.

Zoro's eyebrows shot up, now he understood. Amid the hurricane of things that had come crashing down on Zoro, that night, he hadn't even had the mind to notice that Bartolomeo was missing. He wasn't there. Zoro couldn't even say that the atmosphere was calm and relaxed in his absence, but he could only imagine how Sanji would have been like if Bartolomeo had been around.

Zoro had probably been the only witness to Freakshow's little banter about Bartolomeo being MIA, since his friends seemed to be more interested in sharing liquors, and Sanji was doing his breathing exercises in a corner. If the blond had been awful up until then, Zoro didn't even want to think about what was going to happen when Barto was going to show up.

Zoro checked the time on the huge metal clock hanging on the wall above the relax area. Thirty more minutes and they'd have to get on stage. If Zoro focused hard enough on the noise coming from the stage area, muffled by Deathstar's Death Dies Hard (one of Freakshow most famous covers, what a surprise), he could hear the loud, excited chatting of the fans who had crowded the venue.

He began to nervously drum his sticks on his own thighs, the hoodie he was wearing was starting to feel too warm in his state, but he needed to wait just a little longer before he could actually peel it off. Zoro shut his eyes, his wrists moving on their own as he continued playing an imaginary drum set, his breathing evened out as he managed to reach a calm state of mind. Bless Mihawk for teaching him about meditation, even if he was never going to seriously thank him out loud.

Zoro was envisioning himself sitting in a hot spring, relaxing in the warm water and letting go of all the poisonous thoughts and fears that had been haunting him until that very moment. He was just about to slide further deep into the water, when a loud bang abruptly brought him back to reality and made his eyes snap open.

"I am terribly sorry! But I couldn't get off work on time and Roci suddenly texted me about wanting to see the concert, so I had to pick him up! And then he caught his clothes and hair on fire at least three times in the fucking car!"

Zoro's eyes flew by the back door, where a disheveled and flustered Bartolomeo stood with an unknown, tall person. Zoro still hadn't processed the entirety of Barto's verbal diarrhea, but by the crumpled, darkened strand of hair hanging by the side of the stranger's head and the couple of burnt patches on both the man's shirt and black feathered coat, Zoro could tell that he was one of the reasons why Barto had run late.

Everyone was staring at the two men by the door, and the blond just threw a peace sign after flicking up his shades.

"I've come to see you, Law!" the man announced triumphant, in a tone way louder than necessary.

Everyone's heads turned in the direction of Law, who was blushing so violently that Zoro thought he would pass out.

"Cora, what the fuck?" Trafalgar sneered between gritted teeth.

Zoro furrowed his eyebrows. He might not have heard perfectly the entire excuse that Barto had uttered, but he was pretty sure he had referred to the mystery man as Roci, and not Cora.

"Don't be so rude to him!" Bonney slapped the back of Law's head, then walked up to Roci with her arms spread out, ready to envelop him into a hug. "It's so nice to see you, Roci! It's been too long!"

Again, they switched names. Zoro watched as Bonney and the blond man hugged, then quickly glanced over at Sanji. He had stopped his exercises, of course, and if looks could kill, then Bartolomeo would be already dead, judging by Sanji's glare.

"You seem like a funny guy, and you know Tra-guy, too!" Luffy cut in as he stepped closer to Roci, or Cora. "Who are you?" he cracked one of his biggest grin.

Zoro watched the man mimic the same grin as Luffy, and his chest inflated with pride as he pointed at Law and declared "I'm his dad!"

"No shit." Nami's jaw literally dropped to the floor, and that was pretty much the same way all the Crows reacted.

"No way, you're Tra-guy's dad?!" Luffy asked with wide eyes "You look so much nicer than him!"

"I heard that!" Law barked from his seat.

Law's father's real name was still a mystery to Zoro, but he watched as he waved a hand in a dismissive way and kept grinning in his son's direction. He must have really loved his son, but at the same time it made Trafalgar incredibly uncomfortable – Zoro could relate to that, having Shanks as a parent.

"He's a very good kid, he just doesn't like to show it."

"I'm not a kid anymore, Cora." Law growled lowly, his cheekbones getting redder by the moment.

"We know that, by now." Luffy nodded, the huge smile from before still present.

Now that Zoro really thought about it, 'Cora' really did remind him of Shanks somehow, minus the setting fire to himself part, of course. That was probably why Luffy seemed to be so drawn to him, apart from the fact that he really liked Law.

"Why did you come, anyway?" Law huffed, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"Because I wanted to see my son and his friends play, of course!" Cora answered promptly, as if Law's was the silliest question ever asked.

"Looks like someone won't be doing much lecherous stuff tonight." Killer teased, and instantly received a heavy smack to the chest from a flustered Kidd, that knocked the wind from him.

Cora laughed, throwing back his head so hard that he lost his balance and fell backwards, missing the wall with his head of just a few inches.

"Fuck! Be careful!" Bartolomeo cried out as he quickly bent over to help the man back up.

"I'm alright, I'm alright!" Cora repeated as he managed to stand back up with Barto's aid, apparently unharmed.

"Whoa! Are you alright, old man?" Luffy asked as he too had sprinted forward to help him.

"Yeah, yeah! I just lost my balance. No biggie!" Cora gave Luffy a thumbs up as he grinned at him.

Zoro had no idea as to how Law and his father could be so absurdly different, but he liked it. Though Law was definitely not as thrilled as him, when Zoro caught a glimpse of him springing to his feet and scrambling away as he muttered under his breath.

Bonney sniggered and patted Cora's shoulder vigorously "Don't worry, Law's happy to see you here, he's just a fucking child who gets embarrassed to have people who love him around."

Cora's smile faltered for a second, but he managed to keep it up as he nodded to the girl "I know that! He isn't fond of surprises, either."

"Well, it was definitely a pleasant surprise for us!" Nami dared cutting in with a warm smile "We're really happy to have met you!"

Cora was about to say something when Sanji stormed by him, cursing and disappearing back inside the changing room. Everyone stared at the door that had just been slammed in utter confusion, but Zoro perfectly knew what had gone down. Sanji had been used to live with Zoro and his family all his life, but when it came to seeing other people's parents being so openly loving to their kids, it triggered in him the same effect as couples did.

Zeff wasn't a bad father, he loved his son to bits and pieces, but he wasn't the kind of person who'd remind it to him, he tended to be hard on Sanji and because of his own problems he wasn't really there for Sanji when he was a child and he was grieving the death of his mother.

Seeing Cora and Law was probably the last thing Sanji needed that night, not to mention the fact that Bartolomeo too had made his apparition. Zoro and the others could only pray for the concert to go as well as they wished, because by the way things were at that moment, they couldn't be so sure.

The only thing that Zoro could think about in that moment, though, was that if Sanji and Law met in that delicate moment... Zoro's eyes flew to Kidd, and the expression on his face was as concerned as Zoro felt. Yeah, nothing could keep Law and Sanji away from each other, especially not after passively lashing out the way they had.

Zoro couldn't stay there, knowing that Sanji and Law could just slam each other against a wall and get to business real quick, he knew he couldn't see them, but there was just a door dividing him from them – and a few rooms too, but the concept was the same.

He looked in his bandmate's direction, and found Nami, Vivi and Usopp awkwardly staring at him, as if they expected him to burst into whatever fit he found more appropriate, and for the first time Ace looked almost relaxed. Zoro furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, wondering if his brother was ever going to stop being unreasonably odd and go back to his regular self.

"I'll uh..." Cora broke the awful silence, and the general attention flew back to him "I'll just go out there," he gestured for the door that would have brought him to the pit of the venue "I'll see you from the crowd." he gave a thumbs up and walked out.

"I didn't think you were gonna bring him." Bonney crossed her arms under her breasts as she looked at Bartolomeo.

He shrugged "Neither did I, it wasn't planned." Barto threw Zoro a fleeting glance, then looked over at Kidd "Didn't think Law would get so upset."

Eustass rolled his eyes "He's a fucking child when it comes to these things, he gets embarrassed." he shifted in his seat, and casually slapped Killer's arm with the back of his hand to get his attention "Speaking of which... Go fetch him. Tell him Cora isn't backstage anymore."

"He's not gonna set the audience on fire, is he?" Usopp chimed in, worried.

"He nearly set me on fire..." Bartolomeo shrugged, leaving his sentence open.

"If only!" Kidd sighed, as he looked up at the ceiling.

"Fuck you!" Bartolomeo cried, but didn't move from his spot.

Kidd grinned, but didn't add anything else, he just turned back to Killer "Why are you still here?" he scowled.

"I don't wanna walk in on people fucking," Killer said awkwardly, his long blond bangs always conveniently covering his eyes.

"Oh God, grow the fuck up, you toddlers!" Bonney growled and started in the direction of the changing rooms.

Zoro accidentally exchanged an uncomfortable glance with Kidd, and decided it would be a lot better to play with and stare at his drum sticks, while they waited for Sanji and Law to re-emerge.

He didn't even know how he felt in that very moment, the pans of jealousy hurt like razor blades cutting deeply into his flesh, but there was this general sense of confusion and annoyance that promptly cauterized the smallest wounds. Zoro was starting to think that Sanji didn't actually know what he wanted, but Zoro was tired to be the victim of his indecisiveness or whatever was going on in his mind.

"Hey..." a feeble, raspy voice called out from beside Zoro, and even without moving his gaze from the sticks he was twirling around he knew who it was.

If Bartolomeo hadn't launched himself at his brother it was only because he was trying to slide as close to Zoro as possible, and Zoro had obviously seen it coming.

"I thought you weren't gonna come." Zoro blurted out, not knowing how it might have sounded. A phrase like that could've meant that he either hoped Barto was or wasn't going to actually get there, Zoro wasn't the type to sugarcoat everything for others so he didn't make things clearer afterwards, he just kept playing around with the drum sticks.

"Ah," Barto reared back for a moment, then let out a small chuckle "I'm Freakshow's tech, I must always follow them for shows, so..." he shrugged, unsure.

Zoro nodded, still not looking at him "I know that, but still... People can get sick or something."

Bartolomeo chuckled again, sounding more nervous than before "Yeah, right... Well I'm fine, I was just late."

Zoro nodded "That's alright, you still made it on time." he didn't really know what to tell him because his mind was way too focused on his own business, he was already imagining the disheveled state in which Sanji and Law could be and that was enough for anger to brew inside of him.

"Yes, I did." Bartolomeo finally went silent and began to stare at Zoro's hands.

Zoro knew what he still had coming, Bartolomeo had been pretty adamant in wanting to speak with him, but the last thing Zoro needed in that moment was having someone to confess they had feelings for him. He just hoped Bartolomeo would understand on his own that it wasn't time, that Zoro needed to be left alone to slip into the right mindset to play a show, and not someone to tell him about their unrequited love.

"Murder Of Crows, you're up in five!" a voice suddenly brought Zoro back to reality, and made a shiver ran up his spine. When he lifted his head he saw the back of the person who had just informed them, as they disappeared again.

"Oh! I'm gonna watch you from the front row!" Bartolomeo suddenly cried out "I asked the other guys from the fanbase to keep a spot for me!"

Zoro finally looked over at him and at his huge grin, and in that moment he was reminded of how much Bartolomeo loved Murder Of Crows as a band, as a whole, and that it was also thanks to him that The Crows were finally, even if slowly, climbing up the staircase of fame.

Zoro smiled and clapped a hand on Bartolomeo's shoulder "You go out there and don't miss a thing." he smirked.

Bartolomeo literally vibrated under Zoro's touch, his eyes bright and about the size of the moon as he nodded at the drummer "You're all gonna be awesome, and everyone will love you!"

Zoro laughed and hung his head for a moment "Hopefully."

Bartolomeo shook his head, hesitating for a moment, then pulled Zoro in a bone crushing hug before fleeing from the backstage in a rush of adrenaline. Zoro stood still, kind of dazed, as he watched Bartolomeo disappear at the speed of light. Lately he tended to forget how things were before they changed, how Bartolomeo was just one of The Crow's fans, a person he'd only ever see when his band played a gig, and some things were a tad bit less complicated. It seemed a time so far away now, but really, things had only happened incredibly fast, just like a marble placed on a slant.

A sudden bang startled Zoro back to reality, and when he turned his head in the direction of the door he saw Bonney and Law coming out.

"Where is he, now?" Zoro caught Law murmuring, as he pulled the visor of his forage cap further over his eyes.

"I told you, he's outside in the crowd getting a drink." Bonney singsonged, as if she had had to repeat that information more than once.

Law started shedding part of his uniform, and handed Bonney both his cap and his jacket "I'll be back for our performance." he assured as he quickly shrugged on a sweater he had been holding in his hand and pulled up the hood.

"Oi, don't be late." Kidd chimed in, a severe expression hardening his features.

"I'm not your brother." Law replied, but Zoro failed to see his face as he made his way out.

"He isn't the shitty son he wants people to believe." Bonney smirked, then looked over at Zoro with the same amused expression "And don't worry, I didn't find him with his dick anywhere near your singer. They weren't even together."

Zoro stiffened and felt the blood quickly rushing to his face. Why the hell would she tell him something like that? Why was his concern so obvious to everybody and probably their mothers, too?

"Good." was all Zoro could manage to say as he nodded and tried to look as uninterested as possible. He twirled one of his drum sticks around his fingers and stepped ahead, closer to his friends.

"I'm here, I'm here... We can go."

Sanji's voice came from behind Zoro, but he didn't turn to look at him, he saw the others nod their heads at him but all Zoro did was place one of his feet on the first step of the small ladder that would have brought him on stage.

"We should really go, Franky!" Usopp cried suddenly, as he realized that the techs should have taken their positions sooner than then.

"Shit! Fuck! Let's go!" Franky gasped and pushed Usopp, so that they could get to work as quickly as they could.

"How can they completely forget about their job?" Nami growled.

"Cut them some slack, babe, they're probably really nervous, too!" Vivi tried to soother her with a sweet smile and a peck on the lips.

Nami sighed "I wish they were all just like me." she shook her head.

"Zoro's boobs are nearly as big as yours, if that counts." Luffy chimed in casually as he fixed the strap of his bass. Upon hearing that, Ace masked his amused smirk by fiddling with the strings of his guitar.

Zoro's eyes widened "What the fuck?! And they're not boobs!" he barked to his brother.

"None of us is as perfect as you, Nami. We're just unworthy!" Sanji grabbed her hand, and Nami shook it away.

"I know it all too well." Nami cracked her wrists and each one of her fingers, easing the tension in her limbs to perform at best. "And don't you all dare doing the horror you did during sound check, or I'll slay you with my bare hands."

"We'll be great, Nami! Don't worry!" Luffy nodded resolute, but with a huge grin plastered on his face.

"Are you gonna go up on stage wearing a hoodie?" Sanji was suddenly very close to Zoro as he tugged on the hem of his hoodie, and Zoro had finally taken up the courage to look at him "That's a first. You nudist."

Zoro rolled his eyes and quickly got rid of his hoodie and tossed it to Sanji "If you wanted to see my muscles and tattoo you only had to ask." and with that Zoro climbed up on the dark stage to take place by his drum kit.

He had no idea how those words had actually found their way out of his mouth, and by the look on Sanji's face he was sure that no one else actually expected it. Now that he thought about it again he had to bite back a smirk and suppress a chuckle, it couldn't always be Zoro the victim of this kind of teasing.

The rest of the band quickly filled their positions on the unlit stage, careful not to trip over wires and rugs, and as soon as Zoro cued them into The Crows Are Coming, the lights went on and the place caught on fire.

There was no time for extra thoughts, only for the audience and for music, Zoro's mind was quickly drained of everything that didn't concern the performance and felt regenerated, splendid, he felt like himself again.

Since his friends were still quite static in their performance, not running around to one side of the stage to the other, Zoro could clearly see the people in the audience. The front row was all for the Crows: Duval was standing in the middle, singing the lyrics at the top of his lungs, clutching a black rose into his hand – Zoro wasn't sure whether he meant to throw it on stage or simply keep it to his vain self.

By each of Duval's sides were Hancock on his left, blushing and cupping her face every time Luffy looked her way or simply did his backup voice part, while on Duval's right was Perona, she too was singing her heart out, most definitely a couple octaves higher than Sanji. Zoro wasn't feeling threatened by her, not that night when getting on stage had felt so refreshing and revitalizing that he could probably climb up the Mount Everest with not a single problem in the world. Something he found curious though, was the way Perona'd keep eyeing and smiling at the small portion of backstage that could be seen from the front row, so Zoro quickly turned his head to see who she could be interacting with and found Bonney leaning against the frame of the stage access door as she grinned back at her.

What the fuck?

Zoro furrowed his eyebrows in utter confusion, risking to mess up his part as he went back to look at the front row to see if maybe Bartolomeo, who was standing next to Perona, was actually who Bonney was grinning to, but he only saw Bartolomeo jump higher and sing louder in excitement as soon as Zoro laid eyes on him.

Were Bonney and Perona seriously flirting during their concert? That was simply nuts. And Zoro missed a couple beats as he pointlessly wracked his brains over what he had just seen.

"Zoro, for fuck's sake!" Nami sneered lowly from beside him, and he quickly shrugged off those thoughts and focused back on his part.

The performance in its entirety had been perfect, the complete opposite of the awful stunt they'd pulled during the sound check. The venue had an amazing acoustics which made everything even better. Zoro had Ace come and face him as he played during Blood On The Snow, and at one point he even had Sanji and his lecherous moves keep him company by the drums during The Siren, which consecrated him as probably one of the best drummers in the world, because playing while having such a distraction at an arm's reach was one hell of a job.

As the gig went on, Zoro could still notice the ever present tension between Ace and Sanji, there hadn't been a single exchange of any sort, not a shared glance, Sanji didn't let Ace sing from his microphone and of course he never rubbed up against the guitarist – none of their usual concert shenanigans that the crowd appreciated so much.

It wasn't even something Zoro had ever been jealous of, he knew it was all for the sake of the show, Sanji ground up against Luffy as well, the only thing that Zoro didn't find fair was that being confined behind the drums didn't allow him to get that same kind of treatment from Sanji.

Zoro still needed to understand what the hell was going on between those two, and he was going to find out, no matter what. Sanji and Ace had always been great friends, and the sudden change in their relationship was something that Zoro just couldn't wrap his head around. He knew that everyone had their secrets, or at least some things that they didn't want to share with anyone, but this was something big that Zoro needed to absolutely find out.

For the first time ever, they did an interlude during which everyone but Sanji got off stage mid-concert and Brook hopped on with his cello to play The Rains Of Castamere from Game Of Thrones. Zoro would have wanted to approach Ace, but he would have risked upsetting his brother right in the middle of a gig and it wasn't the smartest of moves. He needed to wait until after the show, he could do it, he had waited for so long and he certainly could endure it a bit more.

"This is so good, Brook is magnificent." Nami couldn't help but comment in a soft voice as she listened to the performance being held on stage.

"They're doing great! This sounds so cool! We should upload this on our youtube!" Luffy chimed in all of a sudden, and everyone agreed on it being a great idea.

"Good job, by the way." Nami nodded, moments away from the end of the song "I might spare your lives if you keep up." she added as the song finished and everyone started cheering and applauding.

It was time to get back on stage, and Zoro couldn't help but pat Ace's shoulder and ask, in a neutral and relaxed tone if everything was alright.

"Yeah, sure." Ace nodded, then jerked his head in the direction of the stage "Let's finish this, shall we?" he smiled softly.

Zoro smiled back, feeling slightly relieved by Ace's at least apparent calm "Sure, let's go."

As songs bled into one another, I Come With Knives rolled in, and Sanji's performance was even more compelling than during sound check. His voice was powerful, dripping with raw emotion, and the audience felt it too, they were enraptured and maybe even surprised – probably just as surprised as Zoro, and all in all it was so beautiful that the drummer didn't even realize that his skin was covered in goosebumps by the end.

The end of the show neared, but nothing ever compared to the handful of minutes in which Sanji had truly sang his heart out, Zoro had always loved Sanji's voice, but the range of emotions that he had been able to feel during that IAMX cover was something else. If Zoro hadn't been so busy setting up a rhythm for the song, he would have probably been even more moved by such a performance.

That was Sanji's core, his real self had been on stage for everyone to see, exposed and vulnerable and people knew, Zoro was sure they all knew and they had adored it. That moment was one of the things which reminded Zoro why he loved that boy so much, why Sanji was so special to him, and he was glad that in such a harsh, odd time, Sanji had somehow reminded Zoro of it.

When the lights on the stage went off again, and the screaming and clapping of the audience mixed up with the soft background music that accompanied The Crows off the stage, Zoro felt stupidly happy, filled up with all the adrenaline and bliss that made him wrap his arms around Sanji so hard that he risked cracking one or maybe four of the blond's ribs.

"Ow! OW! OW! You idiot! Let me–" Sanji protested as he was enveloped by Zoro's ridiculously strong arms, then gasped when he was lifted off the floor "What's wrong with you, fucking stupid moss-brained klutz?!" he cried out as he tried to fight off the bear hug.

Zoro let out a bark of laughter, then eased the mortal grip he had wrapped Sanji into. "Nothing, just celebrating the way you didn't royally fuck up." he smirked.

Sanji's eyes widened "How fucking dare you?! I never fuck up, you're the one who does!" he stomped over Zoro's foot with all of his strength.

Zoro arched an eyebrow, completely unfazed "Really?"

Sanji furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, then looked down at Zoro's boots "Fucking steel tip." he muttered, then quickly resorted to a good old fashioned kick in the shin.

"Fuck!" Zoro cried out as he finally backed away from a grinning Sanji.

"You're all sweaty and gross, don't you ever touch me again." Sanji commented in a clearly fake disgusted tone.

"You're not a flower, yourself." Zoro muttered.

Sanji let out a small, throaty laugh, then his gaze got incredibly serious as it strayed past Zoro.

"What?" Zoro asked with a frown, but Sanji only shook his head and went after the person who had walked behind Zoro: Ace.

Ace looked anything but thrilled to have Sanji follow him out of the back door for a smoke, even snatching one from him, but whatever Sanji was telling him was unintelligible to Zoro. He saw Ace tip his head back in exasperation, and Sanji got visibly heated up as he whispered to him, but they disappeared past the door all too soon for Zoro to figure out anything.

He didn't like it, not one bit, they were keeping something from him and now it was even more obvious. It had to be something serious too, and Zoro couldn't quite shake off the sensation that maybe Sanji had started to develop feelings for Ace. It made sense to him, after all, Zoro knew that Sanji had always had a thing for Ace growing up, hell even Zoro's eyes had always been good enough to see the number that puberty had done on Ace.

As all kinds of speculation dripped and pooled inside his brain, Zoro was still aware of the people running around the backstage, getting ready for the next act. He knew his bandmates were celebrating the great show, knew that they were calling out to him, but his head was being raped by thoughts and he couldn't tear himself away from them.

"You guys were mind blowing, holy crap! You- you just–! Ugh! How do I even begin?"

There was laughter, following that voice that Zoro knew all too well, then he felt a sharp tug to his arm and by that point he really couldn't help but turn his head into that direction, his eyes catching a flash of bright pink as he snapped back to reality. That color certainly didn't match with Bartolomeo's voice.

"I thought you had a stroke or something!" Perona shook her head "We've been calling out for you non-stop! You're ruder than ever!"

Zoro's eyes widened, terror zapping through him like a lightning bolt "W-who allowed you back here?!"

Perona deadpanned up at him and showed him the backstage pass hanging from her neck "I have my connections." she explained casually, as she threw a brief glance towards the stage ladder.

Zoro looked into that same direction to see Bonney speaking with Kidd as she adjusted his tie. Zoro was pretty damn sure that Perona and Kidd wouldn't mix up all that well, so it had to be Bonney and what he had seen during the concert was definitely what he had thought.

"Dude, you were flirting with her while we played." Zoro glared down at the girl, then shook his head "And you claim you're a Raven?" he scoffed, folding his arms over his chest.

It was the first time he seriously spoke to her, not that it was entirely his fault, she was the one who couldn't stop shrieking and blabbering about stuffing him into a teddy bear suit. Perona had always creeped him out, even if Nami had always claimed that she was am extremely sweet girl with a few quirks, but who didn't have any?

Perona blushed furiously and punched Zoro's folded arms "Shut up! I am a Raven, I just..." she huffed, clearly distressed.

Zoro sniggered at her discomfort, and this time earned a kick from Perona's huge boots "Ow!"

"Stop making fun of me! Respect your fans!" Perona cried out in the highest of pitches.

Zoro scrunched his nose and pulled a face "Fuck, don't shriek like that!" he looked at her flushed face and shook his head "I just... I didn't see that coming!"

Perona arched a thin eyebrow, her red lips pulling into a smirk as she tilted her head "You thought I liked you in that way, didn't you?"

"W-well... I..." Zoro muttered, quickly dropping his gaze on a random spot on the floor in embarrassment. Yes, he had always thought that Perona was that kind of stalky fan with weird kinks that would say and do embarrassing stuff to get their beloved band member's attention.

Perona rolled her eyes "I never said I wanted to fuck you, I said I wanted to put you into a teddy bear suit!"

Zoro's eyes went back to Perona, and a disturbing thought snapped in his mind "Are you..." he grimaced "Are you into that furry kinda crap?"

"I'm gonna murder you!" Perona yelled as she launched herself at Zoro, probably ready to claw his eyes out.

Bonney and Bartolomeo promptly came to the rescue, tearing one from the other, and after Bonney took Perona away from Zoro she definitely seemed to calm down.

"I seriously thought that was it, I was gonna die." Zoro blinked as he watched Bonney and Perona speak in a corner far from him.

"She's pretty deadly, yeah." Bartolomeo sniggered "Are you alright?"

Zoro nodded "Yeah, don't worry."

"The show was totally awesome, dude!" Bartolomeo swiftly changed subject "I told you it was gonna be legendary! People won't stop talking about you!"

A proud grin threatened to split Zoro's face in two "Really? They do?"

Bartolomeo nodded vehemently "Cross my heart and hope to die!"

Zoro was going to answer to that, maybe with a laugh or something, but whatever it was died in his throat when he saw Sanji and Ace come back inside from their long smoking session. Ace went up to Luffy and Sanji hesitated, throwing Zoro a glance and opting to walk to the changing rooms.

"Sorry I-" Zoro raised a hand, not even looking at Bartolomeo as he decided whether or not he should be going after Sanji.

"You useless piece of shit brother, quit harassing Zoro and do your fucking job!"

Kidd's deep voice roared loud enough for Zoro to come back from his thoughts, it was probably better if he just joined the rest of his friends in celebrating the great show. Obviously not before listening to Bartolomeo barking a colorful string of insults back to his brother, and the hundred apologies that he showered Zoro with.

"It's fine, really. Just go do your thing." Zoro nodded distractedly, then walked up to his friends, leaving Bartolomeo to his tech job.

Nami and Vivi were very busy making out in a remote corner for them to acknowledge the rest of the world, and Luffy was sharing a huge cheese and pepperoni pizza with Ace as they listened to Brook talking about how much he enjoyed playing with them on stage. Zoro spotted his discarded hoodie from before the show earlier, Sanji had thrown it over a crate and Zoro had been actually lucky to find it again, he picked it up and wore it as he walked.

Zoro stopped next to Brook and right in front of Luffy, then clapped a hand on Brook's back, since he was way too tall for Zoro to even reach his shoulder. "You did a pretty amazing job out there, Brook."

Brook's jaw dropped, clearly not used to being praised by the drummer. He couldn't really be blamed, since Zoro hardly complimented anyone "Oh, Zoro! This is such an enormous compliment, coming from you!" Brook cried out, excitedly.

Zoro broke into a crooked smirk and shrugged a shoulder.

"Zoro! Thank you for not making me fuck up during the concert!" Luffy cut in, laughing around his mouthful of pizza.

Zoro turned to stare blankly at him "Be careful not to choke on that."

"How rude! YOHOHOHO!" Brook commented, not failing to laugh himself.

Zoro tapped Ace's boot with his own, succeeding in getting his attention as he chewed on his slice of pizza. "When will you stop being as quiet as a damn tomb? What's wrong?"

Ace shook his head "Nothing? I just don't feel like speaking a lot." he shrugged as he stuffed his mouth with more food, definitely to avoid speaking further.

Zoro and Luffy exchanged a glance and Luffy shook his head briefly, as if to tell his brother that he hadn't succeeded in getting anything out of Ace either.

"Is this about Smoker, still?" Zoro tried, arching an eyebrow.

Ace dropped the half eaten slice of pizza into the box with a groan "Is it really hard to understand that I don't wanna talk? Fuck!" he cried out, leaving the other three men to stare at him dumbfounded.

"Whoa, what is this, now?" Luffy asked with a scowl "We're just worried about you!"

"I know, but–" Ace squeezed his eyes shut, clearly regretting lashing out but still unwilling to share anything with his brothers.

"I know you guys are worried about your brother, but sometimes just being there for him and not speaking is better." Brook dared chiming in, then aimed a small smile in Ace's direction "Am I right, Ace?"

"Yeah..." Ace sighed, nodding as he picked back up his food.

Zoro pursed his lips and scratched the back of his head "Alright, then." he sighed himself. It appeared that nobody felt like talking anymore, maybe not specifically to him but still.

"Okay." Luffy quietly agreed and went on eating. Zoro felt sorry for him, Luffy was always good to everyone, especially his brothers and Zoro thought it was unfair that he had to go through this.

Franky and Usopp joined them shortly after, since they had switched places with Bartolomeo and Freakshow were minutes away from getting on stage, and at one point even Nami and Vivi decided it was time to go back to their friends.

The guys had brought more booze from the bar, and Zoro couldn't thank them enough as he uncapped a bottle of Heineken and took a refreshing sip. How had he survived without a drop of alcohol in his system up until then was a mystery to him, and he was just about to take another large gulp of it when a familiar pale hand snatched the green bottle from right under his nose.

"Sharing is caring." Sanji singsonged as he took a swig.

Zoro didn't know whether to be annoyed or surprised to see him there, still he settled for glaring at the blond "I'm not fond of sharing booze, you should know that."

Sanji rolled his eyes and took another small sip of lager "Wanna watch Freakshow with me?" he asked with this incredibly innocent look and a tilt of his head.

Zoro wanted to headbutt him on the nose.

"Sure?" he couldn't really headbutt him in the nose, it wouldn't have been a smart move.

Sanji headed towards the stage door and hitched himself up on a huge, black, dusty case, nursing Zoro's beer as he waited for the drummer to actually join him. Zoro let out a long, drawn out sigh, then caught up with the singer and hopped up on the case as well.

"Get your own." Zoro muttered as he snatched the bottle back from Sanji and took a large swig.

"Whatever." Sanji shrugged. He had changed into something comfier than his stage clothes, and had apparently stuffed a packet of cigarettes into the pocket of his hoodie. He pulled it out and reached for a cigarette to light it up.

"Why do you have to smoke next to me?" Zoro groaned in annoyance.

Sanji shrugged a shoulder "So you can complain about it."

Zoro rolled his eyes. Sanji seemed to be in a relaxed sort of mood, even if he had avoided Zoro after speaking to Ace. Zoro wanted to ask about it, but he also knew that it probably wasn't the right time or place to do so. The best option he had was to enjoy that moment of calm between them, he gulped down some beer and as soon as Freakshow started playing he handed Sanji the quickly emptying bottle.

"Such a thoughtful moss-head." Sanji smirked, holding his cigarette between his fore and middle finger as he grabbed the beer and chugged some of it.

Zoro looked back to the band, a sigh escaping his lips as he tilted his head "We're kind of alike, us and them."

"Uh, I'll need you to be more specific."

Zoro glanced at Sanji and saw that he was giving him back the bottle "Us Crows and Freakshow." he grabbed the bottle but didn't drink, he only swept his thumb up and down its neck, thoughtful.

Sanji raised his eyebrows "Ah," he looked towards the stage "for a moment I thought you were talking about Trafalgar and Eustass."

Zoro stiffened at those words and his mouth shut. His eyes flew to Law pressing his back against Kidd as he wrapped an arm around his neck and kept him close. They had a weird relationship. You could never tell if they were actually in love, but it did look like they were born to get on each other's nerves. Yes, they ground against one another and kissed on stage, they probably had loads of angry sex in their privacy, but other than that they constantly pissed each other off. Well... In a sense they were kind of similar, minus the sex and the on stage PDA, but Zoro and Sanji did get on each other's nerves a lot.

"We're way better than those two." Zoro muttered, then quickly busied himself with finishing off the beer.

Sanji snorted "You've still got your eyebrows, at least."

Zoro nearly choked, and Sanji sniggered around the filter of the cigarette.

"What a fucking idiot." Zoro shook his head and wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his hoodie.

"What a caveman." Sanji sighed, then leaned his head on Zoro's shoulder "We're way better than them. They have no idea what we've been through, together."

Zoro's face heated up, his ears burned and his cheeks tingled with the sudden rush of blood. Sanji was still the child from grade school, the one who was bullied and the one who randomly started crying in Zoro's bed after he had lost his mother. He was still the kid that girls made fun of and got his heart stomped all over. He was still the person Zoro had fallen for, and the person he loved the most on earth. Yes, they were golden and had stuck together through thick and thin, never giving up, not even for a second.

"They know nothing, like Jon Snow." Zoro answered in a solemn voice that made Sanji laugh. "No you're right, though." he nodded "The two of us are a lot better."

Sanji nodded lazily, then a comfortable quiet settled over them as they watched the show, just enjoying each other's presence and warmth. Zoro peeked a few times at Sanji, trying to see if he had fallen asleep but each time he did so he found him wide awake, scrutinizing the stage and its dwellers. When the second song started Sanji even linked his arm with Zoro's and laced their fingers together, and Zoro understood that he was being tested and that if he was going to survive all of that he would probably become immortal or something.

"What's with you being all touchy feely?" Zoro dared asking, a soft smile curving his lips as he looked down at Sanji.

"Hmm, can't you just bask into the glory of my presence?" Sanji groaned, nuzzling his head further into the crook of Zoro's neck and giving his hand a squeeze.

Zoro snorted "I'm so blessed."

"Don't be sarcastic." Sanji growled lowly.

"I'm not?"

Sanji huffed and twisted Zoro's middle finger until he heard him groan and cry in pain.

"Ow, ow! Fucking–!" Zoro tried to shake Sanji off, but he just let go of his finger and went back to hold his hand.

"Don't make fun of me." Sanji sighed, and Zoro only answered with a grunt. Sanji flicked ashes on the floor, then straightened up a bit, he rested the back of his head against the wall and took a deep drag of smoke, still not letting go of Zoro's hand.

"They need a keyboardist," Sanji snorted, shaking his head "can't they hear that there's something clearly missing in their sound?"

Zoro arched an eyebrow, then finished off the beer and placed the empty bottle on the corner of the case, not even caring if it was going to probably tip off.

"They got two guitars, things that we need as well, but–" Zoro nodded, lips pressed together into a thin line as he watched the band play, listening to their sound and having to admit that Sanji was right. "Yeah, how do you do industrial without a keyboard?" he furrowed his eyebrows.

Sanji shrugged his shoulders "Fuck knows, Marimo... Fuck knows." he took another puff of tobacco, then went silent for a few moments before saying "I'd really like some pot, right now."

Zoro snorted with laughter, but he would have been a liar to say that he wouldn't have had any interest in sharing a joint with Sanji in that moment. It was something that seldom happened back in high school, especially thanks to Ace's connections and Sanji's talent in getting free weed from dealers.

"Remember when Mihawk nearly busted us smoking in your room?" Sanji sniggered, looking up at the ceiling.

"Fuck..." Zoro sighed and shook his head "We're alive just because of Shanks. We'll forever owe him our heads."

Sanji laughed more, dropping his head back against Zoro's shoulder "I'll never forget Mihawk's murderous glare, holy shit!"

Zoro smirked down at Sanji and slowly shook his head as he listened to him laugh like an idiot "You're gonna set fire to something if you keep wiggling that stupid cigarette around."

Sanji's laughter slowly simmered down until he was normally breathing, but he didn't touch the cigarette anymore, nor did he lift his head from Zoro's shoulder "You'll always love me, yeah?"

Zoro perked up, his eyebrows knitting and his eyes widening. His heart had legitimately stopped beating for a moment or two. He wasn't really sure he had correctly heard what Sanji had said, especially since it had something to do with love, Sanji's taboo word. Zoro was suddenly pushed down a spiral of paranoia, in which the main thoughts were 'can he actually read my mind?' and 'is he making fun of me?'.

"E-excuse me?" Zoro cleared his throat, even though it felt like a bucket of concrete had been poured into his mouth.

"No matter what happens, you won't abandon me, right?" Sanji went on, his voice sounding distant and small, and in that moment the blond seemed as fragile as paper.

Zoro's eyebrows pushed together into the deepest of scowls. What was that all about? Love, abandonment... Was Sanji taking the piss or was he actually serious? But then again, Sanji had told him that things weren't alright for him, that something – or better, someone – was tormenting him and making him suffer. But why would Sanji expose himself like that? Zoro found it still hard to believe his ears.

"What are you talking about, shit Cook?" Zoro asked, confusion washing over him.

Sanji didn't raise his head, nor did he lift his gaze. He was still looking ahead, probably not even really watching the band playing on stage "You heard me, moss-brain. Just..." he paused, swallowing thickly and flicking away the burnt out end of his smoke "Tell me you won't leave."

Zoro's heart caught in his chest at the repeated request. He had heard him just right the first time, apparently, but it didn't actually mean that he didn't find it completely odd. First the panic attack, then their little moment outside in the backyard, the IAMX song and now this, another moment that was about to make Zoro's heart explode. If Zoro had been worried before, now he was downright scared.

"Cook, what are you talking about?" Zoro pushed Sanji away from him, then tried to grab his chin "What the fuck is going on?" he tilted his head, searching for Sanji's gaze.

Sanji swatted Zoro's hand away "Just answer my damn question, fucking stupid algae." he sneered, still not willing to hold Zoro's gaze.

Zoro's eyebrow quirked up "Look me in the eye if you want an answer, you're fucking scary when you're like this, you know?"

Sanji laughed a hollow laugh and shook his head, he glanced up at Zoro and smacked his own lips "That's what a Crow prince does, he scares people." he shrugged.

Zoro huffed, throwing his head back in exasperation "You're not funny." he looked at Sanji and asked again "I need to know what's going on, Cook. Seriously."

Sanji shook his head "Just tell me what I need to hear." he insisted.

Zoro would have wanted to say it, only because it was true and because Sanji seriously looked like he needed to hear it, but Zoro wouldn't cave in so easily. "I need to know what's happening, too, but you're not telling me!" he growled, this time a bit louder than before.

Sanji's eyes widened and he immediately looked around to see if anyone had heard Zoro "Why don't you yell louder? I'm pretty sure the people out there didn't hear you!"

Zoro's nostrils flared as he shifted slightly closer to Sanji, as if he was trying to remove any chance the blond could have had at escaping. "If you'd just stop being weird as fuck I wouldn't get so worked up, and I wouldn't raise my voice!" he managed to answer in a considerably lower tone than earlier, but while Sanji's eyes continued to wander around in their nervousness, Zoro's remained glued on him.

Sanji reared back, his left arm pressing flat against the dark red wall beside him as he tried to keep at least some distance between them. "I'm always weird," he shrugged dismissively "you know that."

Zoro sighed, making an effort not to roll his eyes "Just tell me what's going on, plain and simple."

Sanji shook his head "I can't and won't tell you shit." he gulped, picking at the underside of his nails with the tip of his thumbnail "Not right now, at least."

The mixture of feelings coursing through Zoro was simply overwhelming, he didn't know whether he should be more annoyed or worried, and he was probably beyond those feelings. Zoro was actually scared and angry at the same time, scared that something was going to happen to Sanji and it could possibly ruin things between them, and angry at Sanji for being the little cryptic shit he was, just going around throwing hand grenades into a room and running away.

Zoro rubbed at his forehead, allowing his eyelids to fall shut for a few moments as he decided what was the best way to act. He licked his lips, then opened his eyes again, his heart jumping slightly at the sight of Sanji's both pained and hopeful expression, and the only thing he could do was hang his head with a sigh.

"You should know me, you should know what I think." Zoro stated, simply "There's no need for many words between us, isn't it?" that was clearly a dig at Sanji not wanting to talk to him, but it was also the truth. Or... Yeah, it was nearly the truth, Sanji didn't know exactly how Zoro felt. "We've stuck together through thick and thin, so..." he nodded, letting his words die on his lips as he watched Sanji's expression change to frustration.

"I need..." Sanji began, but then bit his lower lip. "Nevermind, I guess you're right." he nodded, then pushed himself off the case "Thanks." he murmured as he walked away.

Zoro limited himself to watch Sanji leave. They say that some things are better left unsaid, but other times everything would be a lot easier or maybe just different, if certain matters were to be discussed.

He didn't know what was going to happen, but now that he thought about it, a bad feeling had been brewing inside of him for a while now, and even Luffy had told him he felt the same. The problem now was that Zoro wasn't sure he could ever be ready for the storm.

–

Zoro stayed sat on the case for the entire time that Freakshow was on stage, he thought they could keep his mind at least slightly busy and also it was a good way to avoid having to talk with anyone else in the meantime. Sure he would have appreciated it more if that empty bottle of Heineken could have refilled itself, or maybe if some kind of stronger booze would just spawn out of nowhere to support him.

Once the gig was over he finally dragged himself back to where the others were and congratulated the fellow band on the awesome show. He dodged Bartolomeo as much as he could, and kept his distance from Sanji who looked like he was doing the exact same thing. He wasn't even mad, somehow he had known it all along that the night was going to develop into something like that, especially since apparently it was the only way things worked between he and Sanji, lately.

The two bands went out in the venue to meet their fans and maybe buy a few more drinks from the bar. Zoro never got the proper chance to speak with Law's father, but from afar he looked like a weird but cool person that loved embarrassing his son – once again, he painfully reminded Zoro of Shanks, they would have probably become best friends if they ever met.

He focused on the fans, spoke with as many of them as he could, took photos and signed anything from their old EPs, posters, official photos and even small, torn scraps of paper. It was all very relaxing and uplifting, even if every now and then his gaze met with Sanji's and the smirk plastered on his face faded a little. A few times Bartolomeo had purposely bumped into him, and it felt kind of refreshing to exchange a few words with him.

It got late, even if it was debatable for some people, but they all had to take a somewhat long trip back home and most of them had work in the morning, so even if it was just past 2 am they needed to get going. They collected their paychecks from the owner of the venue and the Crows bid Freakshow goodnight before splitting between the two vans just like they had done to come in.

The groups turned out to be the exact same, and Zoro still had no idea whether he should be feeling disappointed or relieved not to ride back home with Sanji, since Nami and Vivi had offered to give him a lift home before anyone else could even part their lips to speak.

Zoro spent the whole ride looking out of the window, watching as the night scenery ran beside him, the lights blurred and blended together, and the few people they sped past looking almost faceless. Luffy, Usopp and Franky couldn't shut up as per usual but he didn't mind, they were all so excited that it would have been a crime to tell them to take it down a notch.

Sometimes he gazed back at Brook's van, and every time he could see Sanji's face kissed by the dim light of the moon he'd turn his head right away. Maybe he'd meet Ace's vacant eyes but Ace would look instantly in the opposite direction, then Zoro would watch the way in which his brother would mercilessly chew on his nails or bite down his lower lip in what could only be classified as a strong nervousness.

Zoro sighed to himself more often than he cared to admit, and many times that sigh turned into a yawn. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally, and the only thing he could think of was how much he craved his bed, he couldn't care about anything else in that moment, not even if he tried to.

–

Ace absolutely didn't feel like driving, but if he wanted to get back home he had no other option, Luffy hadn't got a license and even though Zoro had one it was forbidden for him to drive because he would get horribly lost.

He reluctantly got into the driver's seat and watched his youngest brother sneak into the seat next to him, promptly propping his feet on the dashboard as usual. Ace screwed his eyes shut, sucking in a deep breath as he mentally convinced himself that snapping at Luffy in that moment might have resulted in bloodshed, and that was something he didn't wish to happen. Ace looked at Zoro through the rear view mirror and swallowed thickly: he would have probably drank Ace's blood, after the talk he was planning to have with him.

The level of tension in Ace's body had spiked up again, it had faded so pleasantly during the concert, he hadn't even felt the slightest bit of anxiety when Sanji had tried to convince him again not to talk to Zoro, but now that they were all going back home everything was coming back to Ace at least twice as bad.

Ace knew there was already a strong tension between Zoro and Sanji, he had watched them argue throughout the entire evening and night, but he had also seen them disappear together a few times and Ace didn't know what was going on in Sanji's head.

Luffy switched on the radio and turned up the volume, Over The Hills And Far Away by Nightwish blasted through the speakers and Ace widened his eyes. What could be better than a song about a man betraying his best friend by sleeping with his wife, right when Ace had made up his mind about telling Zoro that Sanji had sucked him off at Franky's? Brilliant.

Ace hit the skip button to change song and Luffy glared daggers at him "What?" Ace scowled at his little brother.

"I was gonna listen to that!" Luffy groaned.

Ace rolled his eyes "Well now we're listening to Wednesday 13."

"Can we just go home?" Zoro grumbled from the backseat, startling Ace who promptly turned on the engine.

Luffy sunk into his seat, sulking as he looked out of the window. Ace sighed, there were times in which he couldn't stand Luffy's childish side, and that night was definitely one of them. He backed the car into the road and drove off, slightly drumming his fingers to the beat of the music on the steering wheel.

By the time they arrived home, Ace was the only one still awake, and he was pretty sure that he wouldn't have fallen asleep even if he tried, since he could feel his heartbeat inside his throat.

He turned off the radio and shut down the car. Ace looked at his sleeping brothers and ran his fingers through his hair. They were both clearly exhausted, and Ace was starting to think that even though he felt the need to confess, it would have been really awful to speak to Zoro about such an issue when he was so tired.

Ace bit his lower lip as he watched Zoro sleeping with half his face pressed against the car window and snoring softly. Maybe it could wait for another while, after all Ace had survived through the past few days, so he could definitely wait at least until morning. Yes, he was going to do so, it was probably the best way to do it, even though there probably wasn't a right way to deliver horrible news.

Ace tugged on Luffy's cheek, then patted on it gently "C'mon baby brother, wake up." Luffy squeezed his eyes, muttered something unintelligible and continued sleeping. Ace sighed and turned back to Zoro and prodded at his knee with his hand "Zoro, we're home."

Zoro let out a loud snort, then blinked his eyes open "Huh? Do I have to go to work?" he croaked.

Ace smirked "Not yet. Help me get Luffy inside." he jerked his head in the general direction of their house.

"Oh." Zoro wiped drool off the corner of his mouth and cracked his neck twice "Alright."

Ace let out a somewhat relieved sigh, then proceeded to exit the car. That had been the most normal and relaxed conversation he'd had with his brother for a while, but the thought of having to ruin everything in the morning made him feel sick to the stomach.

They managed to get Luffy into his bed after he had tried to kick them in the guts or the groin several times, also preventing him from falling down the stairs and probably splitting his head open. Luffy could be seriously terrible while being manhandled in his sleep.

"I nearly lost an eye, there." Zoro muttered as he rubbed at his left eye. Luffy had tried to swat him away and accidentally poked him in the eye.

Ace chuckled softly and shook his head "I know, he's dangerous."

Zoro yawned and ran his fingers through his green mohawk, then jabbed his thumb back towards his room "I'm gonna go to bed, I'm too tired to even take a piss."

Ace raised both his eyebrows "Yeah, sure. I'm gonna go too." he nodded. That was the confirmation he needed, there was no way he could speak to Zoro in that moment, even though everything he wanted to say felt like a knot in his throat that struggled to be unraveled.

"Night." Zoro yawned again and turned on his heels to head to his bedroom.

"Night, Zoro." Ace sighed and chewed on his lower lip as he watched Zoro leave.

He stood there in silence, his throat closing up and his heart hammering into his chest. He let out a shaky breath and finally moved to reach his own room, too.

–

Ace wished he could say he had gotten used to that constant knot in his throat, to the weight on his chest and the sick feeling to his stomach. Guilt had been gnawing at him, relentlessly, keeping him awake at night, messing with his head and with his everyday life. Sometimes he still had a hard time believing that the thing between he and Sanji had actually happened, he had told himself that it couldn't have been possible but the evidence remained, and Sanji begging him not to say a word to Zoro was just another proof of it all.

It wasn't just the knowledge of having betrayed his brother that was slowly killing him, Ace had started to feel like he had somehow betrayed Smoker, too. He perfectly knew they weren't dating and they were basically nothing more than simple friends if not just acquaintances, still Ace loved him and he felt like he'd been cheating on him.

Ace had relied on Zoro assuming that his odd behavior was all because Smoker hadn't showed up at the party and hadn't even contacted Ace to apologize or just talk, but that wasn't entirely the truth. Smoker had called him the night after the party, politely apologizing for not attending the party because of an important case he was working on, and Ace had felt so horrible that he nearly cried during the call.

Smoker was a man of great integrity, a man that everyone respected back at the HQ but he also had this incredibly soft side that had peeked a few times whenever Ace was around. Smoker didn't let his emotions seep out so easily, but Ace was very used to that type of person, so he was able to pick all the small things that actually meant more than Smoker cared to admit.

Ace had been a jerk and he knew it. He had got drunk and blabbed with Usopp about how much love and relationships were just a damn joke and he should have just stuck to fucking around like he had always been used to. Sanji had been just as much of a jerk, deciding that Ace was the right person to take into a bedroom for whatever his purpose was, and together they had betrayed at least one very important person in their life.

Sure, Sanji couldn't know the bigger meaning behind Ace's despair, Sanji had no idea of Zoro's feelings, he had no clue about how horrible Ace's actions were, but in their stupor it had almost felt perfect. Almost, because in the back of Ace's mind was Smoker, and all he would have really wanted to do that night was sharing that same bed with him. But Smoker hadn't been there and Ace was stupidly heartbroken, while Sanji was so stunning and inviting that Ace couldn't think of a sweeter and better medicine, not even if he tried.

For an idiotic reason they had messed up terribly, and Sanji intended to bury everything underneath six feet of dirt and several layers of concrete. And Ace had tried, he had tried since the very first moment but it was impossible. Lying to Zoro, watching him being so worried for his brother, hearing him say that he was a good person, a good brother... Ace couldn't take it, there was just no hiding something so big forever.

And even that night he knew it was going to keep him awake. Ace had crawled under the covers and checked his phone for any sign of Smoker when he found a text.

'Good luck with the show, tonight.'

Ace hadn't read it, he had been too caught up in his anxiety and nervousness to do so, and all of a sudden an uncontrollable urge took over. He needed Smoker. He needed to see him and talk to him, tell him everything that had happened even if it would have meant that Ace might have never seen him again.

He checked the time, it was nearly 4 AM and up until then he had done nothing but tossing and turning in his bed, wracking his brains over how he was going to break it to Zoro that... Hey, he had fucked the love of his life. Before everything started to fall apart with his own brother, he decided that he needed to do one last insane thing.

Ace rolled out of bed, quickly wearing whatever piece of clothing he could find as he wandered his room, he probably wore two different shoes but he couldn't care less. He pulled on his coat as he kept on clutching his cellphone, and trying to be as quiet as possible he sneaked out of his room and began to walk towards the stairs. There was a damned step that creaked like a bitch every time, but in that frantic moment Ace couldn't remember which one it was, so he managed to skip three steps without killing himself, and in the blink of an eye he was already inside his beat up car, heading to Smoker's.

Maybe he was going to have a door being thrown at his face, or maybe Smoker could even arrest him and have him tested for alcohol and drugs or something, but he didn't care, he had nothing left to lose anymore.

–

Smoker lived downtown in one of the busiest streets, for Ace it was always hell to find a parking during either day or evening, and he was sure that even in the dead of the night he wasn't going to find even the smallest of spots for his Chevy.

As soon as he entered the street, Ace couldn't help but snort. The amount of times he had driven down that road was ridiculous, and only in that very moment Ace found himself wondering whether Smoker had understood that Ace had been purposely avoiding to perfectly repair his boiler, only so that he could visit him more often, or not. He was a fucking idiot, Smoker could have seriously thrown his ass into prison for that, yet he couldn't help himself, he liked the man far too much and the man didn't seem to dislike Ace, after all.

Ace shook his head slightly, it wasn't the right time to be thinking about such things, especially not now that he had mustered up the courage to speak to Smoker. Even if... Well, it was past 4 AM and if Smoker decided to shoot him he really wouldn't have blamed him.

Suddenly something caught Ace's eyes: a parking spot! And only a block away from Smoker's! – Ace abruptly slammed on the brakes, put the car in reverse and quickly tried to pull into the spot. Too bad his nerves weren't exactly cooperating, so he had to actually try exiting and re-entering the parking twice more, before he actually managed to park the damn thing.

A string of curses and a stumble later, Ace was biting on his lip as he stared at Smoker's name on the intercom. He had come so far, yet he couldn't even bring up his finger to ring the intercom, his arm felt as heavy as a rock and his heart was drumming inside his ears.

"God, what the fuck am I doing here?" Ace groaned to himself, throwing his head back. He leaned against the huge, glass and wrought-iron main door with a sigh, and to his surprise it clicked and reared back. It was open? So much for keeping the residents safe.

"Fuck off," Ace furrowed his eyebrows as he pushed the door open "that's too easy." he shook his head, yet he slipped inside the building and made sure to close the door behind him.

That had definitely been too easy, but he wasn't done yet, he was going to have to ring Smoker's doorbell and possibly giving him a heart attack. Ace licked his lips and sucked in a deep, soothing breath before moving forward. Smoker lived on the second floor, still Ace opted to take the elevator, so that he could try to sound calmer and probably less flustered.

Yeah, as if.

The elevator reached the second floor without making any obnoxious sound to announce it, and Ace hesitated for so long that the doors started sliding shut again and he nearly got caught between them. He bit his tongue to avoid cussing out loud as he sneaked past the doors, then stopped right in front of the elevator.

He couldn't do it. He just couldn't. Panic pervaded him as he thought about how truly insane his idea had been. What possessed him to even remotely think that acting like that was alright? He suddenly felt like some kind of maniac, a stalker even. He moved his gaze from the door right in front of him, Smoker's apartment was the second door to the left. He just needed to ring the bell and he could have finally spoken to Smoker, no matter the price he would have had to pay, then after that he would have confessed everything to Zoro.

Ace sucked his lips in as his mind crowded with thoughts. He had really come so far, he had even found the main door open... That had to be a sign. Or at least Ace wanted it to be.

"Oh, what the hell!" Ace muttered to himself as he started in the direction of Smoker's apartment, and with a swift move of his arm he also managed to ring the doorbell right away.

Ace held his breath as he waited for a sign of life from the other side of the door, a noise, a groan, a curse, anything would have done. After some moments of complete silence, Ace decided it would have been better to breathe again if he didn't want to pass out right there on the landing. He chewed on his bottom lip absentmindedly and wished he had brought a packet of cigarettes along to ease the tension. He had been smoking way too much, lately but hey, he had to do something if he wanted to keep somewhat sane.

A couple minutes passed, even if they felt like entire hours, and this time Ace's hand shook as he brought it up to the doorbell, his fingers hovering it until he squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the button, quickly retrieving his hand as if it had burned him.

This time Ace heard a distinct 'what the fuck' followed by a thud and a growl, Smoker had probably bumped into something. Great, just what he needed was antagonizing him even more for making him wake up at 4 in the morning and hurting himself against a piece of furniture.

"Who's this?"

The voice was a deep grumble, Ace couldn't make out what kind of emotion it suggested, but his own voice came out sort of strangled as he replied.

"It's... It's Ace?"

"Ace? What the–"

There were a few noises as Smoker unlocked the door and undid the latch, and Ace's breath hitched in his throat. That was it, he was probably going to die in the next few minutes but he was prepared... Kind of. The door swung open, revealing a shirtless Smoker, his silver hair was sticking out in different directions and a befuddled expression painted his features.

"Hi..." Ace cracked a tentative smile. Smoker looked so tired and bewildered that Ace felt horrible for startling him awake the way he had.

"What the fuck happened? Why are you here at..." Smoker checked the watch on his wrist, then scowled over at Ace again "It's 4:40 AM!"

Ace let out a big, drawn out sigh as he hung his head "I know..." he combed his long fingers through his hair "But I couldn't sleep and I really needed to talk to you."

Smoker stiffened visibly, his eyebrows twitching slightly upon hearing Ace's words "What? What are you–" he shook his head, confusion warping his face until he scrubbed a hand over it.

"Look, I did something stupid and now I regret it... And–" Ace started speaking, his thoughts and words weren't organized and he really didn't know what would have been the right way to break it all to Smoker.

"Stupid as in..." Smoker's eyes began to search Ace's body, as if he was looking for visible evidence of that stupid thing "Did you harm yourself? Did you take any drugs?"

"Wha–?" Ace's eyes widened, then shook his head "No, no! But... I'm pretty sure someone will kill me."

"What?!" Smoker's eyes widened just as much as Ace's, an horrified expression suddenly taking over.

"No!" Ace waved both hands and shook his head "No, not in the literal sense! Or maybe yeah... I just–" Ace threw his head back in frustration, letting his eyes fall shut, when suddenly he felt a hand gripping the front of his coat and pulling him forward.

"Just get inside already!" Smoker growled lowly "We're gonna wake the entire building up with this banter."

Ace found himself inside Smoker's apartment, the ever present strong smell of cigar surrounded him immediately and it curiously made him feel at ease. Smoker was staring at him with this stern look that made him feel way too exposed, so much that he had to look away while his cheeks heated up.

"Christ, you look like shit." Smoker commented with a shake of his head.

Ace gasped and glowered up at the taller man "Whoa, thanks! I definitely came all the way here to hear this!" he grumbled, grumpily.

Smoker rolled his eyes "What the hell happened, Ace?" he asked in a gentler tone, spreading his arms "I have no idea why you came all the way here at 4 in the morning, but you do look terrible, like you haven't slept in days."

Ace lowered his eyes, bashful. It probably didn't take a police captain to tell how much he looked like crap, but Smoker was right nonetheless, and instead of just standing there and being grouchy, Ace should have spilled the beans.

"That's 'cause I haven't been getting any rest since the party." Ace bit his tongue, he would have wanted to precise that he was talking about the party that Smoker didn't attend, but that would have sounded like he was placing the entire blame on him.

Smoker sighed, hanging his head in defeat "I've already apologized and explained to you why I didn't–"

"No, that's not the reason." Ace cut him off raising a hand, then tilted his head slightly as he added "At least not the main one."

Smoker cocked an eyebrow and folded his arms over his broad, muscular chest. He didn't open his mouth, he just waited for Ace to go on speaking.

"That night I..." Ace drew in a shaky breath, still unsure about whether he was doing the right thing or not. "I got drunk, really drunk. And I did the most stupid thing I could do... I fucked Sanji. My brother Zoro's best friend, and the person he's in love with."

There, he had said it. The smallest of weights lifted off his chest, even though he still had to actually tell Zoro about it if he wanted to completely remove the boulder weighing on his heart.

Smoker's confused expression dropped, a deadpan taking right over as he blinked at Ace. "And... Where do I exactly fit into this story?"

Ace's heart caught in his chest. He had expected that kind of response, but it still hurt. "Because I feel awful! I betrayed my brother! He knew I would have never done something like that! He's gonna hate me!" he knew he shouldn't have been raising his voice like that, but he couldn't help it. "I'm afraid I'm gonna lose him... I'm scared I'll lose all my friends over this, too!"

Smoker drew his eyebrows together, his eyes darting towards the door of his apartment and then flying back to Ace "Keep your voice down." he muttered.

Ace's eyes widened again, a knot forming in his throat as it dawned on him. "You don't care." he said in a small voice, his arms dropping to his sides. "You don't care, and I'm a fucking idiot for ever thinking I could lose something I never even had!"

Smoker's eyebrows twitched, he sucked his lower lip between his teeth then quickly released it. He was clearly aching for a smoke, Ace could read it all over him, even though he was pretty sure that his level of frustration didn't even begin to match Ace's. "Ace, what..." he sighed, rolling his tongue over his lower lip "What are you talking about?"

"I love you, you fucking idiot!" Ace groaned as a stray tear rolled down his left cheek "I feel awful for what I did, and I know my brother will hate me, and probably my friends will hate me, too! But what's also been tormenting me all this time is that I love you, and I slept with someone else!" his voice cracked a few too many times as he tried to keep it low in his agitation.

Smoker's jaw clenched, the muscles in his arms tensing as he heard those words, then slowly shook his head at the man trembling and tearing up in front of him. "You're such an idiot."

Ace balled his hands into fists and ground his teeth, he wasn't going to let Smoker stomp all over him like that after pouring his heart out . "You fucking–!" a large hand pressed against his lips, silencing him. Ace stared up at Smoker in utter confusion and suddenly lost the ability to move even just a muscle.

"You're an idiot because of what you did," Smoker began, losing the apathetic look on his face and replacing it with a severe one "this will hurt your brother, and you will hurt too." he looked away, almost as if he was trying to find the words he couldn't speak, but didn't remove the hand from Ace's mouth "You're also stupid for thinking I don't care, because I do, but I got no right to be jealous if we're not really..." he grimaced "A thing."

"Mphff!" Ace tried to speak against Smoker's hand. His heart had started racing so hard in his chest that he feared it could leap out of his mouth, so maybe it was actually safer if Smoker kept his hand pressed against it.

"Promise not to speak unless you got something reasonable to say." Smoker arched an eyebrow and watched as Ace nodded, then moved his hand away from his face.

"What did you just tell me?" Ace asked, out of breath.

Smoker groaned "Not to say anything if–"

Ace stopped him with a wave of the hand "No, no, before that!"

Smoker rolled his eyes and grabbed Ace by the collar of his coat and yanked him none too gently in to press a kiss to his lips. Ace froze, wide-eyed and unable to breathe until Smoker pulled back and glared at him.

"So?"

"Fuck." Ace rubbed furiously at his teary eyes, then pulled Smoker in for another kiss, a proper one this time.

He could give himself a break just for a few hours, then he was definitely going to talk to Zoro. Yes, he deserved a bit of happiness, just for a little while... Didn't he?

To Be Continued...

---

A/N: I'm sorry you're gonna have to wait a bit more for shit to actually go down big time, but it really would have been too soon if Ace would have just fessed everything up just like that, wouldn't it? ;)

Oh and again, Aika, you left me your email in the review but it didn't show up, UGH, I think it's a matter of privacy and has removed it automatically, so could you please send it to me through a message on tumblr, I think you should be able to do so even though you don't have an account. My tumblr is marimoyaro (if you can't find it, the link it's in the bio of my account) and I hope this time we'll actually be able to contact each other! XD