A/N: Soooooooo! This took a little less than last time, right? I think so. It's probably one of the shortest chapters I've written lately, but I just wanted this to be about confrontation, the rest will come later. I hope this was still worth the wait, and that you'll enjoy it nonetheless.
As usual, thank you all for your support and your compliments! Even the smallest comment is appreciated and treasured, you all give me a reason to keep writing!
Chapter 15
Ace sat up, gasping for air as he combed his fingers through his damp hair "Water." he reached out an arm towards Smoker, wriggling his fingers. He watched as the older man braced himself on an elbow and grabbed the half empty water bottle sitting on the nightstand by his side of the bed.
Smoker took a big gulp of water before handing it to Ace, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand "Don't spill it."
Ace snorted into the bottle "Right, 'cause the bedding's perfectly dry and clean, at the moment." a cheeky grin threatened to split his face as he drank.
Smoker rolled his eyes and shook his head. Even if the light of the dawn was too feeble to brighten the room, Ace knew that Smoker's cheeks were flushed. The cop reached for the cigar he had put out before going to bed and lit it up again, his powerful muscles flexing with the simplest of movements, his sweat soaked skin glistening in the dim light.
Ace twisted the cap of the bottle back on and bit his lower lip, the more he looked at Smoker's body, the more he wanted him. He had spent nearly two hours making love to the man, his muscles were sore and he wasn't particularly enjoying sitting, but Ace would have ridden him again in the blink of an eye.
"Wanna go again?" Ace suggested as he dropped the plastic bottle on the floor, his left hand immediately moving to rest on Smoker's chest.
Smoker let out a soft sigh and shook his head "Aren't you tired, yet?"
Ace huffed "I could go for another two hours."
Smoker rubbed at his forehead "I gotta go to work in a few, and I'm already sleep deprived."
Ace pouted, curling up against Smoker and placing a couple open mouthed kisses on the salty skin of his neck. "Please?"
Smoker let out a low groan "You've got something important to do, yourself."
Ace froze, his eyes widening as everything came back to him. He had forgotten about anything else that wasn't Smoker, and now he didn't have the strength to get back to the cruelty of reality. Ace let out a soft whimper and nuzzled Smoker's neck, in a desperate attempt to hide away from the rest of the world.
"Ace..." Smoker wrapped an arm around Ace's shoulder "You gotta talk to your brother."
"I don't wanna lose him." Ace breathed against Smoker's skin.
"He's your brother, you won't lose him." Smoker tried to convince him, but he kind of sounded like he didn't believe the words he was uttering.
Ace reared back and looked up into Smoker's eyes "I've royally fucked up, he's gonna hate me forever."
Smoker shrugged "You still gotta be honest with the man, you can't hide this for the rest of your life." he began to trace soothing circles on Ace's shoulder as he spoke "The truth always comes out, and the more time you let pass, the worse it'll be when he finds out."
Ace grimaced "Why did you have to be a cop?"
Smoker deadpanned at him "It doesn't take a cop to say such things, you just gotta use your brain."
Ace rested his head on Smoker's chest with a long, drawn out sigh "I'm scared of the consequences."
"Look, you didn't do it on purpose, did you?"
Ace scoffed "He won't care."
"At first he won't. But if he's an intelligent guy, he'll understand, eventually." Smoker spoke as he carded his thick fingers through Ace's hair, in such a natural manner that it made Ace tremble slightly.
"You're too good to me." Ace breathed out as his own fingers gently swept across Smoker's chest.
"Yeah, I am." Smoker replied, way too promptly for Ace's taste.
Ace gasped and lifted his head up to look at Smoker, he didn't know if he should have been worried or outraged, he couldn't even find anything to say because he couldn't really blame Smoker for thinking that... He genuinely didn't think he deserved Smoker's kindness.
"I'm too good to a person who still hasn't fixed my damn boiler. I know you did it on purpose!" Smoker squinted at him in the dim light, and Ace couldn't help but widen his eyes and burst out laughing.
"Holy shit, I am sorry!" Ace shook his head as he laughed, then rested his forehead on Smoker's chest.
"You're a little shit, you know that?"
Ace looked back up at Smoker, biting his lower lip to keep from laughing more "I know..." he raised his eyebrows "I liked you too much to stop coming over."
Smoker scoffed "You're fucking terrible."
Ace smirked "But you love me, don't you?"
"Oh, just shut your face!" Smoker growled as he rolled his eyes.
"Make me." Ace challenged him, a shit eating grin threatening to split his face in a half, he barely had any time to finish uttering those words that Smoker was already kissing the air out of his lungs.
At that point, Ace had completely lost track of time, he hadn't got a single hour of sleep and didn't even know at what time Smoker would kick him out to go to work, but it had been so worth it. He knew he was definitely going to be miserable some time later, but he wasn't going to be completely on his own, no matter what was going to happen, he had Smoker now.
He knew it was selfish, but he needed an anchor, especially in such a delicate moment of his life. He knew that his parents wouldn't want to take sides, but he knew that Luffy was probably going to be mad at him, and as for the band and the rest of his friends, he had no idea about what was going to happen.
Sanji had come yapping to him about ruined friendships, about the band splitting up right when things were starting to really look up for them, but it wasn't something that could have been avoided, since the truth is always bound to surface at some point. Ace couldn't live with himself knowing what he had done, and even if he'd never admit it, neither could Sanji, it would have consumed them.
Hours poured one into the other, the sun rose high in the sky and Smoker had to decline Ace's offer to take a lukewarm shower together if he didn't want to be later for work than he already was. Ace did take up Smoker's invitation to grab a coffee together, because no matter how much his nerves had pumped him up, he still had a car to drive back home and he didn't want to crash it into the first pole he'd encounter.
"Will you be fine?" Smoker asked as he threw an empty cup of coffee into the nearest trash bin by the sidewalk.
Ace shrugged "No?"
"Well, hang in there." Smoker lit up a cigar and took a couple puffs before going on speaking "Make sure to text me once you'll be done speaking with him, alright?"
"If I'll still have my hands, I will." Ace nodded, fidgeting with the car keys.
Smoker rolled his eyes, then pressed a kiss to Ace's temple "I gotta go."
"I could fix your boiler, instead of going home?" Ace tried, shooting Smoker his best pleading look.
"Go home." Smoker sighed as he started in the direction of his SUV, then without turning back he added "You'll fix it next time you swing by."
Ace let out a shaky breath and hung his head. It was really time to confront Zoro, it was pointless to push it back again, Smoker was right to say that it would only make things harder. He clutched the keys in his fist, looked one last time in Smoker's direction, then took off towards his own car.
"Zoro?"
The drummer rolled on the opposite side from which the voice was calling for him and tugged the covers over his head. Zoro had no idea what the time was, but it was probably too early to be alive, yet.
"Zoro!"
The covers got yanked off of him, and a growl erupted from his throat.
"Luffy, leave me alone!"
"But Zoro, Ace isn't in his bed!"
Reluctantly, with a pained groan, Zoro's eyes blinked open and quickly squeezed shut again. Luffy had switched on the light.
"I'm blind." Zoro whined as he burrowed his face into the pillow.
He heard Luffy scoff in exasperation, and the next thing he knew was that he was lying on the floor.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Zoro cried as he glared up at his little brother. He sat up and rubbed his sore shoulder and arm.
"I told you! Ace isn't in his bed!" Luffy insisted, his face warped in a mix of anger and worry.
"Well, maybe he's taking a dump!" Zoro growled as he climbed back to sit on the edge of his bed "That's no reason to physically drag me out of bed."
Luffy rolled his eyes "He isn't in the damn house, alright?!"
Zoro grimaced and grabbed his phone from the nightstand to check the time: 8:30. He scowled down at the screen, then back over at Luffy "Maybe he went to work?"
"He has the day off, and you know it." Luffy answered as he folded his arms over his chest.
Yes, of course Zoro knew, but he couldn't quite wrap his head around a reason why Ace wouldn't be home at 8:30 AM during a day off, it didn't exactly sound like a good thing.
"Shit." Zoro scrubbed a hand over his face "How did you notice?"
Luffy shrugged a shoulder "I was going to the bathroom and I noticed that his bedroom door was cracked open, so I took a peek and didn't find him."
Zoro hung his head and rubbed the back of his neck. He was too tired for this kind of things.
"Have you tried calling him?" Zoro asked, even if he already knew the answer.
"Yeah. His phone is off."
"Of course." Zoro sighed. Zoro looked over at his younger brother, he looked like he'd been sitting on a thorny chair, all skittish and restless. He knew that Luffy wouldn't settle down until they were sure that Ace was alright, he also knew that in a normal situation, where Ace hadn't spent the past days being worryingly weird, Luffy wouldn't have been so concerned.
"I mean, I know he wouldn't do anything stupid, because he's strong and he just wouldn't–" Luffy started babbling, but Zoro cut him right off.
"Exactly. Let me stop you right there." Zoro sighed and placed both hands on his lower back as he pushed out his chest to crack his spine. "Ace..." he shook his head, the thought of Ace doing anything harmful to himself couldn't even cross his mind "He's a grown up, okay? I'm pretty sure there's a good reason why he isn't home." he tried to use the most eloquent and convincing tone he could muster, yet Luffy's hard expression didn't soften much.
"Yes, and I agree with you but..." Luffy pressed his thin lips together, taking a small break from speaking and letting a big breath inside his lungs. "Ace isn't alright. He hasn't been in days and it's scary. It's scary to see someone who is always the complete opposite of anxious, scared and... Maybe even depressed?" he shrugged, rubbing at his forehead and making a pained expression, almost as if it was hurting him to spill those words "I don't wanna see him like that, and now he isn't around and... Ugh!" he groaned, distressed.
Zoro had listened carefully to everything his little brother had to say, he didn't stop him because he knew that Luffy had to let out that frustration. Things were weird for everyone lately, it was like a mist of gloom and negativity had surrounded their lives and there didn't seem to be a way to just fan it off or repel it. Luffy wasn't being himself either, all that worry and that heartfelt talk, it wasn't like his usual self. Yes, Luffy could be very serious and wise when he wanted to, but that was a different kind of behavior, one that didn't fit him and that Zoro didn't like to see.
"Look. Maybe he had an emergency at work and that's it." Zoro shrugged, as he tried to start being as rational as he could be, even if that hint of worry was there in the pit of his stomach.
Luffy rolled his eyes "He got the day off. That's unlikely. And he isn't a heart surgeon or anything."
Sarcasm. That was still better than oozing concern from every pore of his skin.
Zoro huffed "Then maybe he wanted to go for a jog. Run for a bit and clear his head." that was a very plausible answer, and even though Zoro was the fitness freak in that household, that didn't make him the only person who actually enjoyed working out and keeping fit.
This time Luffy laughed, and it wasn't a hollow laugh, it was a genuinely amused one that bubbled from his chest and erupted vigorously through his lips. "Sure! When he could be sleeping!" he slapped his thigh and held his stomach with his other arm "We're talking about Ace, not you!" he wiped away the couple tears that had streamed down his cheek and shook his head "Not even you would have gone running after last night."
Zoro grimaced at those words. After the roller coaster of emotions from last night, hadn't he been so exhausted Zoro wouldn't have disdained going out for a jog. It always helped him to empty his mind, clear the mess inside his head and reset his mood for a while, it would have made him feel better and he couldn't see why Ace couldn't do something like that.
"Well, I can see Ace going for a run even after a night like last night." Zoro shrugged, speaking his thoughts out loud "He could go for a run to shut out the world, clear his mind."
Luffy wasn't laughing anymore, nor did he look sarcastically skeptic, he was listening and definitely considering what Zoro was saying. Maybe he hadn't completely convinced him, but he was somewhat close to do so.
"But why would he bring his cellphone with him and keep it turned off?" Luffy's eyebrow shot upwards, as he studied the details of the possible scenario.
Zoro wanted to roll his eyes and groan, but he didn't, just out of sheer respect for Luffy's feelings. "To listen to music? But... Maybe the battery died?"
Luffy scrunched his lips to the side, then tilted his head slightly "So maybe he just went for a run to clear his head?"
Zoro let out a sigh of relieve and hung his head "Yeah. Maybe."
"Okay." Luffy said in a hushed tone, but didn't move a muscle. He wasn't going to leave Zoro's room, or at least it looked like it.
"Can't we go back to sleep for a bit?" Zoro asked. Concern had kept him perfectly awake up until that point, but now that he had found a possible answer to their questions, drowsiness was slithering back to him.
Luffy's gasp was so dramatic that Zoro's eyes nearly popped out. "How can you tell me to just go to sleep, now? Aren't you worried at all for our brother?" he insisted.
It was obvious that they still didn't know the truth, and Zoro's words were a mere speculation that could actually mean nothing. Still Zoro didn't think that letting panic take over was the best solution, and he certainly wasn't going to go out and search the city for Ace, it was too soon.
"What do you wanna do? Call the cops? Turn the city upside down?" Zoro finally groaned out in exasperation. "What if we do that, and then he gets home safe and sound? It's too early to do that."
Luffy didn't say anything in response, he just stood in front of Zoro, pouting and looking like a scolded puppy dog.
"Fine." Zoro sighed, knowing perfectly what his brother wanted without having to ask. "Sleep here." Zoro grumbled as he lied back under the covers.
"Thank you, Zoro!" Luffy cried as he scrambled up on the bed and quickly sneaked under the covers, scooting close to his older brother.
Zoro wasn't sure he was going to sleep, not now that he was actually worried about Ace, but lying down and not having to openly wrack his brains over that situation was enough of a rest.
Zoro quickly lost track of time as his brain elaborated info on its own, the more he thought about Ace the more he was convinced that something was up. He didn't want to worry but it was impossible, the jogging story held up until a certain point, and Zoro wasn't sure that Ace had seriously gone out for a run.
But where could he have possibly gone? His mind had started suggesting things he didn't want to even imagine, but... What if Ace had gone to speak to Sanji, after the few chats from the night before? It was unlikely, maybe, but not impossible, still Zoro tried to bury that thought deep into the back of his mind, further enough for it to not resurface anytime soon.
Having his back turned against Luffy, Zoro couldn't tell if the younger boy was asleep or not, yet he could feel him gently pressed against him, and that felt somewhat reassuring. Zoro dozed off a few times, he couldn't tell how many nor he could tell for how long he had been out, but when Luffy suddenly rolled off the bed and shouted Ace's name he was suddenly wide awake.
Zoro sat up right away and turned towards the open door of his room. In the corridor was Ace, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, while in front of him, at the center of the room, stood Luffy in an intimidating kind of stance.
"Where the hell have you been?!" Luffy nearly shouted.
Ace brought both his index fingers in front of his lips to try and hush Luffy "Shhh! Don't yell! I don't want our old men to wake up!"
Luffy scoffed "They're at work, you dumbass!"
Ace bit his lower lip, realizing that he had clearly messed up. He shook his head and shrugged it off "Y-you're right, I just..." he rubbed the back of his neck, shifting all his weight on his left leg "I lost track of time."
Zoro squinted at their oldest brother. By the looks of his outfit he definitely hadn't gone out for a run: he was basically still wearing the clothes he had worn the night before, but the shoes were a pair of Chucks that... Didn't match. On Ace's right foot was one of his black Chucks with flames drawn on, while on the left foot he had a red Chuck with black strings.
"Where were you, Ace?" this time it was Zoro who asked him, and both Luffy's and Ace's eyes flew directly towards him.
Ace shrugged again, as if the only movement he was able to do was shrugging his shoulders. "I was out. I needed some fresh air, so I left the house for a while." his confidence gradually built up as he spoke, so he added "Is it a crime?"
"Right, you're telling me that after a long night like last night you went for a walk in the early morning instead of sleeping?" Luffy asked, his tone dripping with sarcasm.
"Just 'cause I usually sleep a lot it doesn't mean that I can't have a sleepless night!" Ace retorted, clearly unnerved "I thought I was an adult now, not to mention I'm the oldest brother. What's the matter with you, guys?" Ace asked with a small groan.
"We were just worried, Ace." Luffy replied "You've been worrying us, lately." he sighed, dropping the attitude and revealing the true concern in his voice.
Ace shook his head and heaved a breath "Stop worrying, please. Alright?" then he looked over at Zoro and his determination seemed to falter again. "Zoro, I..."
Zoro's eyebrows drew together "Yeah?"
Ace gestured in the general direction of the bathroom, and his gaze dropped to the floor "I'm gonna take a shower and... And then, uh... I'd like to talk to you." he finished the sentence with a feeble nod.
Zoro's heart suddenly dropped to his stomach. That couldn't be good, there was just no way it wasn't going to be bad news. Whenever someone says they have to talk to you it's bad enough, but considering what had been happening with Ace and Sanji lately, Zoro just couldn't stay calm.
"A'right." Zoro muttered. Ace nodded again, then disappeared from their sight.
Luffy turned around to face Zoro again "What–?" he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, and simultaneously analyzed Zoro's expression to get whatever kind of answer he could get from him.
Zoro put on his infamous impassible expression and limited himself to shrug, as if it wasn't a big deal. "Dunno. But I guess you can go back to bed now." he suggested in a detached tone.
Luffy looked as though Zoro had slapped him across the face "What the fuck?! You're sending me to bed? After what Ace just told you?" he barked, angrily.
Zoro's left eyebrow quirked slightly "It's between me and Ace, you know that."
Luffy was about to say something in return, but instead he bit the tip of his tongue. He turned on his heels and stormed out of the room. Zoro could tell he was fuming, but he could do nothing about it, at least not in that very moment.
Agitation coursed through Zoro's body. He couldn't be friendly, couldn't show his real feelings towards the situation. Zoro had been trained by his father not to show his emotions so that he wouldn't give anything away to his opponents, and way too many times he had used that technique in his everyday life. In that moment, too, the best defense he could use was that: being a statue, so that no one could knock him out that easily.
–
Zoro wasn't sure whether Ace was taking forever to take his shower, or if his frustration was making it feel like Ace had stepped over to the bathroom a year and a half ago. Having an important talk with someone first thing in the morning was absolutely the last thing he needed, just having been woken up abruptly twice had a bad influence on his mood.
He wondered if the conversation he was going to have would finally unveil the real reason behind his bad feeling, the one he had been unintentionally nurturing for days. Zoro wanted it to go away, even if he was all too aware that he wasn't going to like it, whatever it was going to be – not that it took a clairvoyant to know that.
Zoro dropped back onto his bed with a groan, then breathed out a long, drawn out sigh as he stared up at the ceiling. He stared at the way the light from outside played with the shadows cast from the curtains and the half rolled up blinds, and all of a sudden he wished he wasn't home, not that it would solve anything, but it would probably buy him some time.
An almost whispered 'hey' and a soft knock on the already opened door were enough to make Zoro suddenly sit back up, making him feel dizzy and forcing him to shut his eyes for a moment.
"Sorry... I didn't–" Ace's words died on his lips, not because Zoro cut him off, he sounded like he couldn't bring himself to speak up properly.
"'Tsfine..." Zoro muttered. He rubbed at his tired eyes and wasn't too surprised to find traces of black makeup across his fingers.
Zoro brought himself to look over to Ace. He was standing in the doorway, pale and exhausted, but at the same time fidgety and unsure. He was wearing a pair of red sweatpants and an old, torn Helloween t-shirt, around his neck hung a towel he had probably used to rub his still wet hair.
"Did you get any sleep? Do you wanna take a nap, maybe?" Ace tried.
Zoro could barely believe that Ace was actually suggesting those things to him "You better be joking, Ace." he said in a tone that meant nothing good. How could he possibly be able to get even a wink of sleep knowing that Ace had something important to tell him?
"No, no! You're right!" Ace waved both hands, his cheek pinking up in embarrassment "I was kidding." he nodded.
"Don't just stand there, come in." Zoro beckoned him with a wave of the hand, then scrubbed both palms down his face. For a moment he wondered if he should have drank a cup of coffee, but then again his nerves would have probably tore through his skin.
"Yeah," Ace nodded a bit too vehemently as he stepped inside, then turned to look at the door "should I? Uh..." he glanced over to Zoro and his murderous glare, and decided it was definitely best to close the door shut.
"Are you gonna tell me where have you really been?" Zoro asked.
Ace's eyes widened slightly "It doesn't really matter..." he replied evasively.
"It does." Zoro insisted.
Ace scoffed, visibly unnerved by Zoro's pressure. "Look, what I gotta tell you is so much more important than were I've been in the past hours. Trust me."
Zoro didn't expect that answer, he expected Ace to cave right in and confess him where he had actually been that morning, but he didn't. He pressed his lips together into a thin line and folded his arms across his chest before shrugging his shoulders.
"Go on, then." Zoro jerked his chin in Ace's direction, urging him to spill the beans already.
Ace sucked in his lower lip, his shoulders sagging as he let his eyelids flutter shut for a few moments. He was still searching for the courage to speak, and Zoro was only feeling more anxious for the wait. Ace stepped forward, getting somewhat closer to Zoro but not enough to actually invade his personal space. He tightened his fists along his sides, then let out a shaky breath as he finally opened his mouth.
"I've been keeping this, from everyone, for what feels like a decade, but it only happened a handful of days ago." Ace started.
Zoro rapidly tried to count how many days ago could this handful be, and there had been too many events where he, Ace and the others had been together. He suddenly felt nauseous, but his stoic expression gave away nothing.
Ace paused, not sure whether he should go on speaking, then he continued "I wish there was an easy way to tell you, I wish..." Ace swallowed thickly, averting his eyes for a moment as he went on "There's no easy way to tell you. I know you don't wanna hear me ramble but this is so... So painful for me." Ace grimaced, and he did look like he was hurting.
Zoro didn't budge, his body barely moved even as he breathed, but his muscles were stiff and his nails were digging into the skin of his arms. He wasn't going to speak a word until Ace was going to be finished, he knew Ace was looking for a sign from him but there was no way Zoro was going to give him one.
Ace looked at Zoro in the eye, bit his lower lip, gulped and opened his mouth again "During the party at Franky's– uh, well... It was practically over, everyone was out of it..." Ace rambled to himself more than to Zoro, shrugging a shoulder "We were all fucking drunk, and you were asleep... And–" Ace's voice broke and he had to stop speaking again. He rolled his rapidly reddening and watering eyes, then tilted his head to the side "Okay, I'll just say it. Sanji and I slept together."
There it was.
Zoro's jaw tightened and his nostrils flared slightly. He had tried to tell himself that there was no way that could have happened, but Ace had just said it to his face, it couldn't get more real.
"I swear to you, Zoro," Ace joined his hands together and shook his head "I would have never done it, never! I was shitfaced, I barely remembered a thing the morning after!"
The only thing that Zoro could do was slowly shaking his head and letting his eyes drop shut. It was like his body had momentarily been drained of all its energy, and it was probably because the tension had suddenly vanished, but nothing had yet taken its place.
"We didn't... I know we didn't go all the way, though. We just–" Ace tried to continue talking, but Zoro cut him off this time.
"Shut up." Zoro growled lowly. There was no way he was going to sit through the detailed description of what Sanji's mouth did or where Ace's hand sneaked to. Zoro was still in the process of completely wrap his head around the information that had been given to him, and he didn't need Ace to go more in depth.
"Okay, I know you're–"
"I said, shut the fuck up." Zoro repeated as he opened his eyes again. To his ears, Ace's deep and warm voice had become the most unnerving thing on earth, he couldn't listen to him any longer, it felt like every single syllable cut right through his skin like a bucket of razor blades being dumped over him.
Ace's was shaking slightly as he stared at Zoro with his mouth firmly shut.
"I can't believe this." Zoro muttered. His throat felt swollen, on the verge of completely closing up and leave him to choke to death.
"I never–"
"Shut up!" Zoro roared, and Ace flinched back.
Zoro felt anger and despair course through him, it wasn't one of those situation where he didn't know what he felt, he knew he was hurting from his very core. There was nothing more painful than betrayal, and nothing could hurt him more than his own brother and the one he loved betraying him like they did.
"I knew something big was up, but this..." Zoro scoffed "This tops them all." he rose from his seat on the bed and slowly cleared the distance between he and Ace. "I don't care that you were drunk, you still fucked him!"
Ace's jaw tightened and he lowered his eyes as Zoro got closer and closer to him, but didn't back up. "I know... I'm sorry."
"You're not. You wouldn't have fucked him if you gave a shit." Zoro couldn't find it in his heart to forgive or only justify Ace's unacceptable behavior, especially because Zoro's heart had just shattered into a million pieces and it was going to take time to glue it all back.
Ace's eyes widened, outrage warping his features "That's not true! I'd never do that to you if my brain actually worked! He came onto me!"
"I don't give a shit!" by that point Zoro was shouting, but he still could keep himself from laying a single finger on Ace. "You guys still fucked!"
"We didn't go all the way, I told you!" Ace tried hold on to that detail, as if it could make things less awful. "We only–"
Unbelievable. Ace was still trying to tell Zoro what they had done.
"Are you actually an idiot, Ace? I don't wanna hear a thing of what you did! Sex is sex, no matter what!" Zoro yelled, his cheekbones flushed with anger and a vein on his forehead threatened to pop at any given moment.
"Zoro, I'm telling you I'm sorry! So fucking sorry!" Ace started to shout back on impulse, even though his voice kept cracking on the brink of tears "I'm your brother, the last thing I wanted was to hurt you!"
At those words Zoro saw red, and he couldn't help stabbing a finger against Ace's chest "You're not my brother. You never fucking were." he sneered, shaking his head "You've spent your life trying to be nice to me, while drooling over Sanji, the only person I've ever wanted!"
"Zoro, don't." Ace shook his head wide-eyed as a single tear rolled down his cheek "You're angry, you're furious. But please, don't say this to me. Just don't. I love you."
"Stop this, just fucking stop this." Zoro raised both hands, then used one to show Ace the door of his room. He had no idea as to what he was supposed to do, he didn't want to physically hurt his brother, but he couldn't stand the sight of him. "Get the fuck out. I can't look at you, now."
"Zoro, please!" Ace cried out, his voice dripping with desperation.
Zoro had to squeeze his eyes shut. He had never heard Ace's voice sound like that, not even when they were kids. The two of them had always been kind of alike on the matter, they rarely ever cried, even when they hurt themselves. Ace's tone was desperate, filled with raw pain, but Zoro couldn't accept it, not now.
"I told you to leave my room, Ace!" Zoro repeated, forcing himself to look at his brother in his reddened eyes, trying to ignore his tear stricken face.
Suddenly there was a bang coming from behind Ace that made both men jump, then Luffy appeared from the open door.
"What's going on, here?!" Luffy shouted.
Zoro hadn't even noticed how loud they were being, but it wasn't exactly like he could keep his voice low as his rage bubbled and fizzed out of him. He didn't need anyone else getting involved in this, but deep down he knew that sooner or later Luffy would have popped in.
"Stay out of this, Luffy." Zoro spoke in the calmest tone he could manage, but it still came out as threatening.
Luffy's eyes kept wandering between his two brothers, analyzing the situation. They focused on Ace's fat tears the most, then flew to Zoro's flushed, hardened features. Zoro was sure Luffy had eavesdropped on their conversation, but he didn't care, it wasn't something that was supposed to be kept as a secret anyway.
"Guys, you need to calm down." Luffy tried to reason with them.
A small, hollow laugh erupted from Zoro's throat "Don't you tell me to calm down right now, there's literally nothing that can calm me down."
Luffy sighed, hanging his head before turning to Ace and his completely quiet crying. "What did you do?"
Ace worried both his lips inside his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut in utter refusal.
"Get out of this room, please." Zoro repeated. He couldn't stand being with other people in that moment, especially with Ace. "Leave me alone." he spoke as he turned his back on them and stared at a random spot outside his window.
"Zoro..." Luffy tried calling him out softly.
Zoro didn't reply, but his entire body stiffened, as he fought off the urge to shout at the top of his lungs. He wanted to be left alone, was that so hard to understand? It wasn't even like he was going to stay there for a long time, but he needed to figure things out before he could do anything. Many things.
"The tour... The... The band." Luffy began to stammer out, and Zoro could pinpoint the exact moment in which Luffy finally realized how bad this actually was.
"Fuck the tour. Fuck the band." Zoro growled out as he turned slightly to look at Luffy "I need to be alone, right now."
Both Luffy and Ace looked like they were on the brink of shattering into a million pieces, but Zoro's answer seemed to finally do the trick. They left, slowly, as if Zoro's words weighed on them like a ton of rocks, shutting the door behind them and finally leaving Zoro with no one else but himself.
He could feel his throat scratching from the yelling and a nasty feeling was tangling his guts together, amplifying his sense of nausea. Zoro wasn't gonna cry, but he felt the urge to destroy. He didn't exactly knew who or what he wanted to destroy, but his hands itched and his room looked like it was screaming to be torn apart.
He drew in a huge breath, allowing his eyes to fall shut, but the darkness lasted only a few moments, because a series of images began to flash before his eyes: it was everything he could imagine Sanji and Ace doing in a bedroom, he could see the pleasure painted all over Ace's features, Sanji's mischievous smile as he licked his lips. Zoro opened his eyes and shook his head, trying to stop his imagination from going wild and driving him mad.
He couldn't stay in that room, he needed some fresh air. He started rummaging through a pile of clothes that lied on a chair and pulled out whatever seemed clean enough from the bunch before throwing it on.
As he quickly dressed up and slipped his boots on, Zoro decided which was the perfect spot he could spend some time in. He plugged his headphones to his cellphone, put them on and left the house as quickly as he could.
He didn't even need to think about where he was going, his sense of direction wasn't going to betray him this way, he just let his feet work on instinct and tried to focus on the music, getting particularly fired up when Lacuna Coil's I Don't Believe In Tomorrow came on. It may have seemed a bit too catastrophic to others, but it fit the moment so perfectly that Zoro had to keep himself from shouting out in frustration.
'I want to say it now
'Cause I don't believe in tomorrow
The storm is raging now
'Cause I lost my faith in you
I want to have it now
'Cause I don't believe in tomorrow
Avenge what I know now
'Cause I have no faith in you.'
The wind blew harsh gusts against Zoro's skin, making the bottom of his coat float backwards and freezing his face, but Zoro could barely feel it, he could barely care. He kept marching on as music played idly in his careless ears, his mind was somewhere else and didn't let him focus on a single beat.
Now everything was unraveling in his brain, things he couldn't understand started to make sense, odd phrases finally found a meaning, Sanji's weird behavior had an explanation now. All the talking about someone causing him problems, the choice of singing about being in love, the sudden burst of affection towards Zoro and the plea for Zoro not to abandon and always love him no matter what was going to happen.
Sanji had fallen for Ace, now Zoro could finally say so, it was as clear as the sun and burnt twice as much. The realization punched him right in the guts and weakened his knees, so much that he had to stop walking for a few moment and he had to brace himself against a wall.
It was worse than he had imagined, and the more time he had to reason over it, the worse it was going to get. Zoro knew all too well how impossible it is to control one's feelings, but he also couldn't help but curse his absolute shit luck in love. What a cruel joke it was that Sanji had fallen in love with Ace, the first and probably the only person Sanji had ever fallen for.
Zoro was fully aware that he hadn't got any sort of priority or ownership towards Sanji, but he couldn't help how much it hurt. It was slowly tearing him apart from the inside, it felt like a blade had slit his heart open and there was no way to stitch it back together. He felt his throat knotting up, the corners of his eyes stinging and his lungs burning up, but he wasn't going to give in to crying, he simply wasn't. Zoro tried to suck in a deep, shuddering breath as he pulled himself back together and resumed walking.
Zoro didn't know what was going to happen, but he knew that he had done the right thing when he had decided not to tell Sanji that he was going to stick with him no matter what, because he realized that there was no way he could stand being around Sanji now. It was time to give in, to move on, Zoro knew it now. For all this time Zoro had hoped for a sign, and even though that wasn't the sign he had really wished for, he had received the message loud and clear.
His life had just been turned upside down in the roughest of ways and he was going to have to readjust himself around it, but that wasn't the time to think about all of that, it was time to let all that anger and grief pour out of him.
–
Sanji hadn't planned on spending the day in his bed, not at all, even if he hadn't got much sleep he had washed his face, badly concealed the dark circles around his eyes and dressed up to start a double shift at the Baratie. The only problem came up when Zeff took a look at his shining eyes and flushed cheekbones and had chucked the thermometer and a pack of aspirins in his direction, forbidding him to even leave the house to buy cigarettes.
Sanji had been too weak to argue, and without even opening his mouth to spit a few insults at his father he turned on his heels and went back to his room, shuffled out of his clothes and buried himself in a cocoon of blankets and a comforter.
Sanji didn't really have much time to be angry at his body for betraying him like that, he knew he should have taken better care of himself, especially during such an important tour, but he was feeling too ill and exhausted to even think about that, and sooner than he thought he fell into a deep sleep, safe from poisonous thoughts and regrets of any kind.
Sanji kind of had felt this fever brewing inside of him from the night before, he had been too exposed to the cold and his stress and anxiety had definitely affected his immune system, also the sleepless night hadn't helped at all.
How could he have slept through the night, though, if his brain hadn't shut up for a second? Sanji couldn't stop wracking his brain over not being able to convince Ace to keep his mouth shut, over Zoro not wanting to comfort him in his weakness, and over what might have happened once Ace would officially decide to tell Zoro everything.
The drugs kicked in and relieved Sanji's body from his illness, helping him nap through a few hours of the morning, recharging his biological batteries and allowing him to take a short break from his mental pain. Zeff had actually come home a few times to check on Sanji, worried about his son who got sick so rarely, but Sanji never really noticed, maybe just once around 10-ish, Zeff had spoken to him, asking how he was feeling, but he had only snorted and gone back to sleep.
It was towards 11 A.M. that Sanji's phone chirped and vibrated with a text, startling him awake.
"What the–" he muttered, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand and squinting around the room until he localized the offending object... On the floor.
Sanji picked up his phone, the battery was down to 15% and the screen was too dark for him to read anything. He sat up with a groan, cursing himself mentally for forgetting to charge his damn phone, and plugged it in. The screen lit up suddenly, and when Sanji checked the notification he had got, the name of the sender made his heart skip a beat: Ace.
Sanji hovered the notification for a few seconds, then tapped it to open the almost telegraphic message.
'i told him'
Sanji let out a strangled cry and clapped a hand over his mouth right away. He was going to throw up. He dropped the phone on the unmade bed, scrambled up to his feet, his weak legs almost refusing to cooperate as he ran to the bathroom to heave what little he had put in his stomach the night before.
Sanji retched until he was just dry heaving, his stomach cramping and his jaw sore. He let himself fall on his butt and gasped for air, his throat was on fire and he needed to absolutely wash out the disgusting taste in his mouth but he didn't have the strength to pull himself back up.
Ace had told him. Zoro knew what had happened. Sanji's heart hammered wildly in his chest as his head filled up with so many thoughts that he had to clasp his hands around it. He needed to talk to Zoro, he had to inspect and analyze how Zoro had taken everything without raising suspects, he didn't want Zoro to know right away that Sanji knew Ace had confessed.
Sanji forced himself back up to his feet and rinsed his mouth and face with trembling hands, then stumbled back to his room as quick as possible. He sank back down on his bed and grabbed his phone to quickly type up a casual message to Zoro.
'hey maruml whatd p?'
Sanji glared down at the typos made by his shaky fingers, erased the whole sentence and wrote it back in a slower pace.
'hey marimo whats up?' Sanji bit his lower lip and tried to decide whether he should add something else to the message. 'i wanted to thank you for everything you did for me last night.'
"Fuck off, Sanji." he grumbled to himself as he erased the last part, that sounded too unnatural, it was better to just send the first part of the message and see if Zoro was going to answer. As he hit the send button, Sanji debated whether he should have also answered Ace's message with a death threat or something, but for the time being he seriously had nothing to tell him.
He had the obvious feeling that Zoro wasn't going to answer, but there was nothing he could do about it, he needed to wait, impatiently but he had to. Sanji let the phone fall back on the tangled covers and nervously ran his fingers a few times through his hair, then proceeded to nibble on his nails and accidentally covering his tongue and lips in small flakes of black nailpolish.
The more time passed, the more Sanji wanted to scream and claw his face out. He perfectly knew he had put himself into that horrible mess, but he couldn't help his anguish and fear. He had checked his phone a hundred times, even though he knew he hadn't got any messages, but he wanted to hope that even if his phone made no noise maybe he still had received an answer from Zoro. He decided it was time to send another message.
'dude are you still sleeping? you're the worst' Sanji hit send and complimented himself mentally for being able to still come up with such laid-back texts.
He became more and more impatient, his terror increasing exponentially as he sent more messages but didn't get even a single answer. Sanji finally decided that he had to try and call him, radio silence was about to kill him. It took him way too long to actually make the call, and when he did he felt like he was going to vomit again. Zoro's phone rang and rang, and right when Sanji was about to hang up Zoro answered.
"Leave me the fuck alone. Don't you dare calling me ever again, we're done."
Click.
Zoro hung up right away, leaving Sanji to stare wide eyed at nothing in particular with his jaw slacked and the phone pressed to his ear.
The way in which Zoro had said 'We're done' echoed in Sanji's ears at least a thousand times, and every time it broke his heart into smaller pieces. He had dropped the phone but still hadn't moved, he was frozen in that position and still couldn't quite wrap his head around what had just happened. That couldn't possibly be happening.
He had made a mistake, how could that mistake result in such a drastic closure? That didn't make sense! Sanji knew he had never really been a perfect best friend, but Zoro had never really minded, why would it be so bad now? He fucked his brother, so what? Ace is an adult, he can take his own decisions and make his own mistakes, why did Zoro have to be so awful about it? The more he though about it, the more absurd it sounded. He couldn't just let their friendship flush down the toilet like that, not to mention the fact that Sanji was in love with Zoro... It couldn't possibly end like that, not on his watch.
Sanji picked his phone back up and texted Ace a simple question:
'is he home?'
He knew the chances were low, but he needed to know where he could reach Zoro, and if he wasn't home, Sanji already had a possible and very likely place in mind.
Sanji dressed up quickly as he waited for Ace's reply, ignoring his mild dizziness and weakness, he slipped on a pair of ankle combat boots and shrugged on the warmest coat he owned. In the meantime his phone had buzzed for the first time in what had felt like years, Sanji picked it up and read Ace's answer.
'he left more than an hour ago'
Sanji slipped the half charged phone into the pocket of his coat and left the house in a rush. He needed to get to the dojo as fast as his legs allowed him to.
–
There weren't many places that Sanji was sure Zoro could have taken refuge in, he could hit a bar or maybe stay at Franky's, but Sanji knew him well enough to know that in a state of great rage, Zoro would absolutely need to let everything out physically, so the dojo was a perfect place.
Judging by the time, Sanji could tell that the dojo was about to close down for lunch but he was still on time to at least catch either Shanks or Mihawk before they left the place – he needed someone to let him in, after all.
Sanji's head was in no condition to let him think about whatever he could have told Zoro, so he was going to have to improvise. He knew he was going to face an incredibly hostile Zoro, but he didn't know how he was going to react, he doubted they could actually get physical but given the possibility, Sanji didn't have health on his side and that worried him.
Why couldn't Ace just keep his mouth shut? Sanji knew how difficult it was to keep things from Zoro, but it was still simpler than confronting him and opening Pandora's damned box. He didn't even know how things had actually gone between Ace and Zoro, he didn't know if Zoro had kicked his brother's ass but he doubted that, Zoro wouldn't so easily just raise his hands on Ace.
Sanji's body was about to give in when he only had one block of distance left between the dojo and himself, but his lungs felt like they had caught on fire and his legs and back were killing him. He stopped, bending over and resting his hands on his knees as he tried to get some energy back, breathing wasn't the most pleasant thing in that moment, but he had to endure the pain and go on. He was a fighter after all, he could do that.
He half jogged towards the entrance of he dojo, and nearly cried tears of joy when he saw Shanks on the threshold – he was also incredibly happy not to see Mihawk around, he couldn't have handled dealing with him too.
"Hey! Shanks!" Sanji called out, raising a hand and smiling at the older man.
"Sanji!" Shanks smiled back, and Sanji couldn't help but see both Luffy's and Ace's smiles in there too.
"Is Zoro inside? I've been trying to reach him all morning, but you know how your son is–" Sanji left the sentence hanging and rolled his eyes. Hopefully Zoro's pride had pushed him not to tell anything specific to anyone else.
Shanks scoffed and shook his head "He's just like Mihawk, I know." then he smirked softly and jerked his thumb over his shoulder "He's in his training room, but he looked pissed, I warn you." his expression turned more serious towards the end of the sentence.
"Shocker." Sanji tried to joke a bit, and succeeded in tearing a chuckle from Shanks.
"I'm heading back home, now." Shanks patted Sanji's shoulder, then squinted at him "You look ill, by the way, don't hang around for too long, okay?"
Sanji raised his eyebrows, no matter how hard he faked it, he probably still looked like hell. Or maybe it was just Shanks' mother duck instincts.
"I won't. Promise." Sanji smiled softly and looked at Shanks winking at him and finally leaving. He turned to look at the glass door of the dojo and sucked in a deep, shaky breath.
It was time. There was no turning back, and he didn't even know if he was going to be able to fix things right away, but he had to try. Maybe he wasn't as good as Luffy at fixing things with Zoro, but he was supposed to be Zoro's best friend, and they had been through so much shit together that he couldn't see how they couldn't get past this, too.
The dojo was immersed in this penumbra that felt somewhat sinister, but it was probably just Sanji's mind playing a trick on him – he was so anxious that everything looked worse than he actually was. It was kind of strange seeing it so empty, almost deprived of its purpose, if it weren't for the hammering, muffled noise coming from its furthest corner, the dojo would have been completely silent.
Zoro was there and he was giving vent to all his pent up feelings, Sanji could hear him grunt and groan with every single movement he made. Sanji stopped for a second, he realized he was trembling slightly and a thin sheen of sweat covered his forehead, only he didn't know whether he should attribute those reaction to anxiety or to his fever. Either way his heart was pounding and his stomach was twisting and knotting in the most unpleasant of ways.
He began to think that he couldn't do it, he was too afraid of actually facing him. Ace had always been off-limits, Sanji was well aware of that, and as handsome and sexy Ace was, Sanji had managed to keep his hands and body off of him for many years. He may have been a pervert, but he respected boundaries, up until when he met jealousy and it utterly won over him.
Sanji was forced to snap out of his thoughts when he heard a loud thud and a curse, then Zoro beginning to mutter something inaudible that made Sanji scowl and resume his slow walking. He reached the training room, but didn't enter right away, he held his breath and peeked inside: there were several huge barbells and all kinds of weights lying all around Zoro, but what caught Sanji's attention the most was the broken punching bag that had been kicked to the side to hang up a new one.
Zoro was fuming, he could tell as much by his body language and the severe frown on his face. Sanji bit his lips as he watched Zoro's tattooed back glisten in the yellow light that flooded the room, his biceps flexing and his... Shit, he wasn't there to check Zoro out, damn his hormones!
Sanji shook his head and gently placed a hand on the cracked door, but didn't push it open right away. He hung his head, trying to gather up all his courage as his head began to slightly hurt and his stomach tightened a tiny bit more.
"Come on." Sanji whispered to himself, then finally pushed the door opened.
Zoro froze right away, the disbelieving look in his eyes only lasted for a few seconds before being replaced by fury.
"Get out of my face." Zoro growled "I thought I'd been quite clear on the fucking phone." he averted his eyes from Sanji and started throwing violent punches at the bag. Sanji thought that Zoro was probably fantasizing of punching him and the thought nearly made him smirk.
"I have no idea why you're being like this!" Sanji finally managed to speak to Zoro for the first time that day. He was lying through his teeth, but he needed to put up a show. "You can't just randomly shut me out like this!"
Zoro didn't look away from the bag as he kept on hitting it "You're one to fucking talk! King of shutting me out."
Sanji opened and closed his mouth right away. There was nothing he could say in return, Zoro was painfully right.
"And you know what this is about, you jerk." Zoro scoffed "Ace definitely told you he spoke to me." the last punch he threw to the bag made it recoil so hard that it dislodged from where it hung and fell to the ground.
Sanji looked down at the bag "We were drunk out of our minds, man."
"Please, spare me from this bullshit." Zoro groaned as he put the punching bag back up, and paused to drink some water.
"Right, Ace probably used this card, too, but it's true." Sanji shrugged his shoulders.
Zoro huffed with hollow laughter "That's very convenient." he nodded, before taking another sip of water "But it doesn't change what you did." Zoro flung the empty plastic bottle right into a small, brown bin, then resumed his training.
Sanji's anxiety was quickly being replaced by annoyance. Zoro's attitude was ticking him off, he wasn't giving Sanji any importance, he didn't look like he wanted to confront him, nor like he wanted to at least fight with him... Zoro looked like he didn't care about Sanji at all, and it pissed him off.
"We're all adults, for fuck's sake!" Sanji bursted "Why don't we act like it?"
Zoro still didn't take his attention off his punching bag, and a smirk curved his lips "You're telling this to yourself, I presume?"
That was the exact moment in which Sanji saw red, his very limited patience and his control flew out of the window, tired of putting up with Zoro's attitude.
"What the fuck is your problem, anyway?" Sanji bursted all of a sudden "What are you trying to do, protect your brother from me? The monster who will fuck him and then break his heart?" he asked, with a flail of his arms "Well I got news for you. Ace is a grown ass man, who has always fucked around just like me. I'm pretty sure he can handle himself!"
Zoro had stopped exercising halfway through Sanji's outburst to stare at him with his trademark unimpressed scowl, as if he was completely unfazed by whatever happened to him. Sanji wanted to kick that stupid expression off his face.
"I know he is an adult, but he didn't really act like one that night. I know it." Zoro replied in a tone so calm that it only infuriated Sanji more.
"What the fuck do you care?!" Sanji yelled, spreading his arms and looking at Zoro in dismay "You were sleeping with your shitty boyfriend, anyway." he added in a tone that oozed bitterness.
Zoro's stoic expression fell, making way for shock and maybe also a bit of outrage "My b–" he blinked, at a loss "Bartolomeo is not my boyfriend, and you fucking know that."
Sanji scoffed, grimacing. Just thinking about Bartolomeo made him want to barf. "You were all curled up together on that shitty couch, and Ace and I decided to fuck. So what?" he sneered, poisonous, emphasizing the last part of the sentence.
Sanji had seen Zoro's eyes looking that big, almost as if they were about to pop out of their sockets, very rarely. Zoro shook his head, incredulous "You fucked Ace only because you saw me with Barto?"
Barto. He called him Barto. Sanji could barely stomach hearing that nickname rolling off Zoro's tongue. At the same time, though, Sanji couldn't let Zoro understand that Ace had been a clear rebound.
"What?" Sanji snorted, trying to sound as amused as possible by Zoro's implication "No. I fucked him 'cause I wanted to." he said casually as he shrugged a shoulder.
Zoro's face warped again, rage taking shock's place and making him look as if he was twice his normal size. "That's right. Because you only ever think about your goddamn self." he growled lowly.
Sanji reared back, strangely intimidated by the odd light shining in Zoro's eyes, but it wasn't enough to shut him up completely. After the first moment of vacillation, Sanji was ready to attack again, his rage being his strength.
"If I don't think about me, who the fuck will?" Sanji roared.
He was selfish because it was his only way to survive in a world that was too cold and competitive for him to think about others, in a world where he had to be alone if he didn't want to suffer.
Zoro slammed both his boxing gloved hands against his own chest, and a grimace that Sanji couldn't define appeared on his distressed face. "I will!" he admitted with a loud growl "I always have!"
Sanji's eyes grew wider underneath knitted eyebrows. Zoro looked offended, hurt almost, and it was the first time he was showing any kind of emotion since the conversation had started. Sanji couldn't quite wrap his head around that sudden change, he could only stare at Zoro in confusion, unable to utter anything in return, almost incapable of breathing.
"I've never expected, nor demanded anything from you," Zoro started, as if a dam had busted and there was no way to contain the waterfall of words he was about to spill. "because I don't own you, and you don't owe me anything. Maybe some respect would have been good, but you've always been blinded by your ego."
"I do respect you!" Sanji cut in, offended by Zoro's accusations. Zoro had always been the person he'd loved the most, even before realizing he had feelings for him.
"No, you don't, you idiot!" Zoro barked in return, then proceeded to take off his gloves as he went on, his eyes not moving away from Sanji's "You've stomped all over me multiple times, and now you've fucked my brother to top it all!" he violently flung the gloves aside. "I'm tired, Sanji. I'm exhausted."
Sanji's heart started racing in his chest, his throat closing up at the same time. He never saw himself as horrible, or at least he had never thought he could hurt Zoro in any way. Zoro did look as exhausted as he claimed to be, though, he didn't look furious, he just looked... Done. That was probably the scariest part.
"Zoro..." Sanji whispered, then shook his head "I never meant to..."
"Hurt me?" Zoro asked, his sharp eyebrows raising "I used to think that, but what you did with Ace... That's being an asshole on purpose."
"Zoro–" Sanji tried to speak again, even though there was nothing he could really say to justify himself, because Zoro was right, he had done it to get back at him.
"Don't do that, don't say my fucking name like that, don't say it at all!" Zoro shut him down "I can't do this anymore! I thought I could, but I can't!"
"What?" Sanji shouted, both in frustration and fear "What is it that you cannot do?"
Zoro stiffened and his face hardened again, as he went back to his stoic self. "I can't deal with you anymore." he spoke in a calm tone, shaking his head.
Sanji felt like the sky had fallen and all its weight was about to crash down on him. He blinked a few times, then tilted his head as he asked in a broken voice "W-what?"
Zoro shut his eyes, then took a deep breath "I don't wanna see you anymore, Cook."
"You can't–" Sanji choked on his own words, he began to feel the pieces of the sky falling all over him. Zoro couldn't be serious, there was no way he could. "You can't do this to me!" he growled as he stepped closer to Zoro "You can't leave me!"
"I have to!" Zoro retorted "I thought I could overcome this, but I can't. It's too much!" he raised his voice but didn't lock gazes with Sanji.
Sanji grabbed Zoro's chin and tried to force him to look at him "Say that to my face, at least! You fucking coward!"
Zoro slapped Sanji's arm away and looked at Sanji in the eye "I'm done! I don't wanna see you anymore!"
There was a sharp pain in Sanji's chest, his breath caught in his throat as he heard those words and Zoro's angry eyes pierced right through him. Was that a heartbreak? A real one? He hadn't felt anything like that since when his mother had died. Not even when that girl back in high school confessed that she had only played with him. No, that had been nothing, it was just a crush on a girl he barely even knew, that was so much different. Zoro was his whole world.
"No..." Sanji shook his head "No, you promised you'd never abandon me." he felt his throat knotting up and tears welled up in his eyes, but he didn't want to cry.
"It hurts too much to stay beside you." Zoro replied, and Sanji swore he could see his eyes were watering as well.
"We've been friends our whole lives! You said you were gonna stick with me through thick and thin!" Sanji was starting to yell again, and he could barely keep himself from slamming his fists against Zoro's chest. Then something else suddenly dawned on him, and his voice died in his throat as he dared asking "W-what about the band?"
Zoro's jaw tightened. He looked away from Sanji once again, then spoke "You'll find a new drummer. A better one."
Sanji's knees suddenly became too weak to hold his weight, and he fell against Zoro who promptly held him up. That was too much to take in, his heart couldn't bear all that pain, it was impossible.
"No..." Sanji breathed out "No, no, no..." he shook his head as his fingers gripped Zoro's arms "No, don't do this to me, please. Don't do this!" he cried, and this time he couldn't hold back his tears.
"I have to." Zoro pushed Sanji back, but didn't let go of his shoulders because he still couldn't stand still on his own. "I have to be selfish for once, if I want to survive."
"Why?!" Sanji shouted all of a sudden, using all the energy he had left. He knew he had been a dick, he knew he had hurt Zoro and maybe he had never really treated him so well, but he couldn't understand why Zoro would punish him like that. It was too much, it was exaggerated. "Why the fuck don't you wanna see me anymore?!" he kept yelling, even if his throat burnt and his mouth tasted like blood.
Creases formed on Zoro's forehead as he drew his eyebrows together, and for a short while his anger was replaced by concern. He moved one of his hands from Sanji's shoulders to his cheek, then his forehead, and even if Sanji would have wanted to push him away he couldn't, he was petrified.
"You're burning up." Zoro almost murmured "You should go home."
Sanji found the strength to bat Zoro's hand off his own brow, not letting a moment of tenderness get to him. Things hadn't changed, Zoro was still going to abandon him, even if he was worried about his health.
"Don't change subject!" Sanji snarled.
Zoro sighed, dropping his worry, hanging his head for a moment. He shook his head "The fact that you have to ask why, is one of the answers itself." he removed his hand from Sanji's shoulder, then waved it "Figure it out."
With those words Zoro took a couple steps back and picked up his t-shirt and hoodie from the floor in order to get dressed again. Sanji observed him for a while, confusion and fever frying his brain as he felt more silent tears rolling down his cheeks. He wiped them away, angry, he couldn't let this happen.
"You're a bastard! You know that?" Sanji cried out, for starters.
"Yeah..." Zoro sighed, not turning around "You've said that plenty of times."
"Well, this time I mean it!" Sanji went on growling. He knew he was starting to act like a child, but Zoro had turned so cold and distant that he had no idea what to do. "You said you weren't gonna abandon me! You said that it isn't true that everyone I care about leaves!" he kept sneering, his fists tight by his sides, nails digging into his palms.
Zoro huffed as he shrugged on his coat "I never thought this was gonna happen, honestly. But there's a limit to everything," he spread his arms "and I've reached mine."
Sanji glared daggers at Zoro and shook his head "You're fucking awful."
Zoro nodded "Maybe I am." then jerked his chin in Sanji's direction "But so are you."
Sanji felt his heart shrink. That was the last straw, and he couldn't take it anymore. "If that's what you want, then so be it." Sanji stuck one of his fists inside the pocket of his coat, then flipped Zoro the bird with his right hand "Fuck you."
Zoro huffed a hollow laughter and shook his head. Sanji's nostrils flared, he bared his teeth and turned around to storm out of the dojo, most definitely for the last time.
As the thought finally hit him he had to stop, take a look around and suppress an angry sob. That place had never changed all that much through the years, Mihawk liked traditional things and would have never wanted his dojo to look 'modern'. It wasn't in bad shape, it was splendid, always perfectly tidy and clean, there wasn't a single thing out of its place. He remembered causing havoc in that place with Zoro and his siblings one too many times, as children, he remembered Shanks threatening to kill them and Mihawk actually trying to do that. He remembered sparring with Zoro, laughing with him, arguing with him in that very place.
Sanji shook his head. Reminiscing was the last thing he should be doing in that moment, he needed to get going, even if the need to wreck the entire place was stronger than ever. He shouldn't do that, Mihawk and Shanks had nothing to do with what had just happened.
Sanji attempted to swallow the awful knot in his throat, then pushed the glass door open for the last time and walked out. He wanted to scream, scream harder than when he had broken his arm falling off a tree while he was challenging Zoro to a climb off.
Realizing that Zoro was practically in everyone of his memories made everything harder and more painful, so he forced himself to try and keep his head as empty as possible. He needed to get home, he needed to crawl into his bed and possibly never get out of it. Though the more he tried to repress any kind of thoughts, the more he couldn't stop wracking his brains over what was going to happen next.
He knew for a fact that Ace was going to hate him for a very long time, Luffy was probably going to hate him forever. The rest of their friends was basically going to do the same since Zoro had decided to quit the band.
"Fuck..." Sanji whispered. "Fuck!" he growled out loud.
Murder Of Crows was going to crumble, and with it Sanji and Zoro's dreams. Sanji's biggest purpose in life. He was going to have to tell Zeff that he had always been right, that his dream was stupid and that working at Baratie for the rest of his days was the only option.
He had been such a fool to think that he could be anything more than what he already was, to hope that at least one person was really going to stay by his side forever.
Sanji bit down hard on his lips and heard the metal of his lipring creaking underneath his teeth. He didn't have much strength left, his throat was completely shut and his eyes were blurred with tears. He didn't know how his legs were still carrying him, how his feet were still taking him home, but he sure as hell knew that he couldn't make it up the stairs.
Once he arrived to the Baratie, he sat down on the threshold, ignoring the whispering of the customers that were sitting at the tables. He had zero fucks left to give, so he just rested the side of his head against the doorjamb, closed his eyes, let the tears flow and passed out.
To Be Continued...