Spit It Out

by varg.grimoire

Sanji has repelled love for his entire life as countless events destroyed his trust in it. Unable to deal with his emotions, he indulges in the pleasures of the flesh with random strangers while Zoro, his childhood best friend, is left aside to watch. They share the dream of bringing their metal band to a professional level, but their hearts and minds will make it ever so hard.

16. Chapter 16

N/A: Woah, it's been so long since I've actually updated, I'm scared most of you won't even remember about me or this story at all, haha. I hope you can forgive me, and I'm sure you can understand that life has to come before writing, especially when you're writing something you're not getting paid for, but you don't have to fear, not even for one second that I will not finish this, because I will. It might take some time, but eventually you'll see the ending of this story, because I hold it very dear and I do not intend on leaving it incomplete.

Thank you all for your support and beautiful words, I keep receiving the most beautiful comments and messages and they're what keeps me going! You're all so precious and dear, and I'm so happy that you enjoy my hard work! That's why I hope you'll be able to enjoy this chapter, that I was finally able to complete after many, many weeks of struggling over it/avoiding it completely. Have fun!

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Chapter 16

Zoro stared at the torn apart punching bag lying on the floor, wheezing, trembling. He was looking, but he wasn't really seeing anything, he had punched that bag so hard, once Sanji had left, that he had destroyed it. He clenched and unclenched his right hand a couple of times, his knuckles bleeding and bruising, but he could barely feel them stinging.

Zoro felt dazed, disoriented, everything had happened so fast that he had barely had time to process everything. In a matter of hours everything important to him had flown out of the window, and for a moment Zoro thought it couldn't have really happened to him. He wasn't even mad, he was exhausted and in pain, more mentally than physically.

He hadn't been ready to speak with Sanji, not yet, he didn't think he would have actually come look for him, and he didn't think he would find him right away. Yet again, Sanji knew Zoro too well, and that wasn't always a good thing. He knew where to hit if he wanted to hurt him, what buttons he had to push if he wanted to piss him off... And now that he knew that Sanji had also slept with Ace on purpose, just because he couldn't stand Bartolomeo being around him, he knew that Sanji's selfishness knew absolutely no limits.

Zoro began to wonder if Sanji knew about the way he felt for him, but just the thought of him being so awful on purpose while being aware of Zoro's feelings made him want to claw his face out. No, that would have probably been too evil, even for Sanji.

He groaned, tormented by too many thoughts, too many voices expressing clashing opinions and confusing him to no end. There was a part of him that had never felt more relieved before, but another one suffered, and it was progressively taking over.

When Sanji had gone away, it had felt like the light had been taken away from Zoro's life. It was just like being scared of the dark, of being completely blind and oblivious of your surroundings, fear gripping at your stomach tight and smothering you as your heart hammers against your ribs, deafening.

Zoro held his head between his hands, letting his eyes fall shut as he tried to block out all that pain, all that anger, but he couldn't... That time it was too overwhelming, even for him. He allowed himself to feel, to grieve, because if he buried it all again he was pretty sure he was going to explode.

It was the sort of pain that made you wonder whether you'd ever truly suffered in the past. Zoro felt like someone had slashed a deep gash in his chest, but there was no treating it, no amount of stitches could sew it back up, no disinfectant could clean it. He was helpless, bleeding, hurting, and nothing could possibly make it better.

Zoro allowed himself to shut the rest of the world out, but not for too long, because soon enough his parents were going to come back to the dojo, and he was in no condition to talk about what had happened. He didn't want questions to be asked, and while he knew Mihawk would have been discreet, Shanks would have pestered Zoro to no end to try and make him talk.

He couldn't stay at the dojo, even though he was supposed to be teaching in the afternoon, he couldn't go back home, because there was no way he'd want to face his brothers, but he needed some place to go. Zoro decided that he had to at least leave the dojo, and then he would have thought about it.

He scrubbed both hands down his sweaty face, then tried to clean up his mess as fast as he could, before actually picking up his coat to shrug it on and leave. As he stuck his hands inside his pockets, Zoro touched his cellphone and more thoughts sparked up: he needed to tell everyone he was quitting the band.

That wasn't exactly a petty matter, something small and insignificant, Murder Of Crows was an enormous part of his life, it was his greatest passion, his future, his dream... Hell, it was a part of him. A part of him that he had to give up in order to survive, but he knew perfectly that the others weren't going to take it well.

The Crows were his family, just as much as his real one, he loved everyone of those people to bits and pieces, but there was little he could do in a time like that. He couldn't possibly work and function with Sanji and Ace, at least not immediately, it would have affected the band greatly, and during an important tour it was the last thing needed.

Zoro had no idea as to how he should have told them, but there were little to none possible ways that didn't include him telling them over the phone - and to be more specific, on their Whatsapp group. He knew it was soulless, and it was probably going to make him look like a coward, but it was the only way he could do that.

Zoro ran his fingers through his wet hair, a shower hadn't even crossed his mind, he considered starting a casual conversation on the group that would lead to his revelation, but he couldn't do that, he wasn't in the right mindset to lie so blatantly. There was no way and no need to sugarcoat something like that, no matter how he'd break it to them, it would still hurt them, so being blunt was probably the best way to go.

He checked the time and decided it would have been best to just go somewhere else, because there was no way he'd face his parents in such a critical moment. Zoro pushed his phone deeper inside his pocket, then proceeded to leave the dojo, locking it up on his way out.

–

The hostile weather greeted him like an old enemy, lately it seemed like the sky could only bring wind and rain over the city. Everything seemed way too fitting for Zoro's mood and it made him roll his eyes almost to the back of his skull. He didn't even like that kind of weather, he'd rather have snow if he couldn't have a regular sunny day. Zoro pulled up the hood of his sweater, glared up at the dark rain clouds and tried to walk underneath balconies and cornices.

He had no idea where he wanted to go, and jokes about his non-existing sense of direction aside, he actually wished he could just vanish into thin air, so that he didn't have to face anyone on the planet. Still that wasn't something so attainable, so his best option was to reach somewhere dry and warm where he could spend as many hours as he needed, until he'd figure out what to do.

Zoro needed to be smart about where he was going to take refuge in, too, because he didn't have to be somewhere predictable, somewhere he could be easily found in by anyone he knew. A bar would be far too obvious, but at the same time he needed as much booze as his body could take.

He eyed a store on his left, immediately thinking that he could buy a bottle of alcohol and take it with him. He really wished he would have brought his gym bag with him, he could have hidden a few bottles in there. Zoro stopped in his tracks, not minding the rain soaking his hood and wetting the hair underneath, and just crossed the street to get into the store. He was pretty sure he could still find a small bottle of something strong as hell.

In the store he managed to find a small bottle of whiskey, and a miniature bottle of classic Smirnoff – pretending he hadn't seen the strawberry flavored one, since it was Sanji's favorite. After his purchase, he stuffed everything into the inner pockets of his coat, and resumed walking.

Zoro had decided that it was probably best to enter the most crowded coffee shop he could find, going against many of his principles, since it was the only place he could try to blend in and where he could hide himself better while he poured vodka into his coffee black.

His small evil plan went smoothly, maybe even too much, but he wasn't planning on getting hammered in a coffee shop, so hopefully he wasn't gonna get thrown out. Zoro sat in the furthest corner of a godforsaken Starbucks, sipping coffee and vodka as he tried to muster the courage to tell his friends that he intended to quit the band he had founded together with the damn Cook.

He took a look around, making sure that no one was watching, and added a few more ounces of vodka to his coffee, then picked up his phone from the table. It was right in that moment that the device buzzed with a text, leaving Zoro to scowl down at it. He didn't think it was Sanji, he knew he wouldn't insist anymore, but at the same time he really hoped it wasn't Luffy because he couldn't deal with him at the moment. Still he took a sip of his beverage and checked the sender.

Eustass.

Well, that was exactly the last person he imagined to receive a message from. At least he was no one who could pester him to get back home... But thinking about it, it could only mean that it had something to do with the band. He hesitated to read it, he didn't want to know what it was about, whether they could be good news or bad news, he didn't want things to get harder. At the same time, though, he took it as a sign, the cue for Zoro to find the strength he needed to tell everyone, even Freakshow. He tapped on the screen and the conversation popped open.

'oi roronoa i've got great news for the tour! ppl like us so much that they want more dates to attend so we're actually doin it! we'll let u know the dates as soon as they're set'

Zoro's heart sank to his stomach. People loved them, they were seriously starting to be more famous, they were one step closer to becoming professionals, yet Zoro had to abandon everything. He had to leave the plastic cup on the table if he didn't want to crush it, his jaw tightening as he looked away from his phone. It was unfair, it was completely unfair to him, but there was nothing else he could do if he didn't want the Crows to completely disband over the awful fights that would come if he stayed.

He watched the people around him, oblivious to everything he was going through, some seemed blissful, other busy, and some looked concerned. Zoro knew he didn't have it worse than others, but in that moment he seriously wanted to tear the place down.

If he really thought about it, it was kind of ridiculous, it was as if the world was trying to make it as hard as possible for Zoro to detach himself from The Crows. He needed to be stronger than that whole situation, he needed to grab the bull by the horns and finally act like he was supposed to. No more bullshit, no more swallowing down bitter pills, he needed to do what was best for his mental health.

Zoro took another sip of his alcoholic coffee, rubbed at his lips with the back of his hand and stared at the text he had received to come up with a good answer. His tongue poked out of his mouth to run between his somewhat chapped lips, the wind hadn't exactly done good service to them, then finally started to slowly type up a suitable reply.

'wow... this is great news indeed but there's a problem that concerns me at least. shit happened and i can no longer be part of the crows so u might wanna talk to nami about this shes the most suitable leader figure there. i'll attach her number to this text'

Zoro tapped the send button, without giving it too much thought, preventing himself from erasing bits and pieces or editing the content any further, and proceeded to attach Nami's number to the following message. The text was bold, maybe blunt, but that was how Zoro was, there weren't other ways to put it, it was much better to be sincere and not dance around the subject for too long. Zoro was way too tired of dancing around things, for the matter.

He scrubbed a hand down his face and pressed his fingertips against his closed eyes, then without further hesitation he opened the Crows convo and began to write up what was on his mind. He was on a roll, so he'd have better gone through with it.

'so i know i shouldnt be doing this through damn whatsapp but atm theres nothing more i can do. as brutal as it may sound i am forced to leave the band for a while probably for good idk. if you wanna know more about this whole story i suggest you ask sanji and ace whats goin on. bye for now'

It took Zoro only a few seconds to get it out of his system, it was brief and probably as cold as ice, but it was the best thing he could come up with, not to mention that as smart as his friends were they'd probably figure out what had happened in the blink of an eye. Not to mention that basically everyone and their mothers knew how hopelessly in love was Zoro with Sanji, so they'd figure it out as fast as lightning.

Zoro knew that his message would probably wreak havoc, but he didn't have the energy to read any answer he was going to get, so he promptly switched off the notifications for the Crows group and placed the phone back down on the table.

He stared down at the plastic surface of the table, he focused on a small, faded stain of coffee and began to think about how final all of this sounded. It broke his heart even more, even though he knew he was deliberately putting himself through all of that, but it was the best choice he could make.

Zoro knew the band couldn't function if two or more members were involved in a fight, they'd purposely get on each other's nerves, they wouldn't focus on playing and they basically wouldn't be able to do any work. Even though he had told this to himself at least a thousand times already, he thought it better to remind himself that he was doing the right thing... Just in case, especially now that he had officially quit the band. He knew the fans would have been disappointed, but he was the drummer, after all, they'd still have their beloved frontman.

Zoro patted on the left side of his coat, where the inner pocket was located, holding the mini bottle of Smirnoff. He nearly slipped his hand inside the coat when he spotted one of the baristas scowling at him, so he just pretended he needed to scratch his chest. Zoro was definitely playing with fire by drinking inside a coffee shop, he shouldn't have pushed his luck too much.

When he looked back down at his half empty coffee, he spotted a white LED blinking by the top left side of his Samsung Galaxy screen, meaning he had actually received a Whatsapp message. Zoro sighed and pressed the middle button to unlock the screen and see who the sender was, since by that point it could be anyone. He expected it to be either Eustass, or one of his friends, but not Sanji, he knew he probably wasn't going from him for quite a long time.

Zoro's eyebrow quirked when he saw Franky's name pop up, among all he was the one he least expected to hear from, privately. Curios, he opened up the message to read what the big guy had to say about all that crap.

'zoro, i know we havent really had the chance to spend much time together lately, but i want ya to know that im here for ya if ya need someplace safe. i guess ya dont wanna see ace either rn, so why dont ya pop by? i have so much booze i cant drink all by myself.'

A smirk curved Zoro's lips while reading the text, the last part probably being the most amusing, but the kindest at the same time. Franky had always been a great friend, and even though Zoro usually preferred to keep things buried deep inside of him, in that moment he could have definitely used someone to talk to and a place to stay, at least for a while.

He let out a sigh, a relieved one, but just when he was about to reply to Franky, Shanks began to call him. Zoro hung his head with a low groan, then grabbed his cup and stood up. He didn't know if he was going to have to shout at his father, so the best thing to do was not being in a closed space. Zoro picked up on his way out, knowing that not taking the call was absolutely not an option.

"Yeah?" Zoro tried not to sound too annoyed.

"Where the hell are you? Your students are here!" Shanks hissed, clearly trying to keep it down a notch in the dojo.

Zoro sighed "Look, just send them home if Mihawk doesn't wanna take over, okay? I'm in no condition to teach anyone, today."

"What the fuck are you talking about? What's up with you?" Zoro could practically hear the deadly glare in Shanks voice.

"I can't work, not today at least." Zoro shrugged, nearly spilling the coffee that was left in the cup.

"Zoro, these kids pay to be here. You better get your ass over–" Zoro didn't let him finish.

"Dad, I can't do it. Just... I don't know, take the day out of my paycheck, I'm not–" Zoro didn't feel like telling him what was happening, not yet, not over the phone. "Look, ask your sons. Ace and Luffy know... Especially Ace. I'm staying out for tonight, but I promise I'll talk to you and Mihawk soon."

There was a long pause, before Shanks actually spoke "Zoro, you're scarying me..."

Zoro huffed "Well, don't be scared."

"I'll cover for you with your father." Shanks sighed "Did... Well, does Sanji..."

Zoro rolled his eyes so hard that he nearly passed out "Ace and Sanji." he said dry "Now I gotta go."

"No shit..." Shanks breathed out, incredulous.

"Bye, Shanks." Zoro hung up and fought the urge to fling the phone at the bus that was just speeding by. He sucked in a deep breath and got to Franky's reply.

'if u r home now ill come over'

When he tapped send he realized he had received another message, he bit his lip, hoping it wasn't Nami as he checked the sender. It was Eustass's reply. Another relieved sigh was heaved.

'shit... whoa this sucks im sorry. i mean i hope they find a substitute and... man what happened? something with the singer? i know the feeling dude. look, i know we arent big pals or anything but i live alone (with my idiot brother but still) u need a place to stay away from everyone u can come here. i'll make sure barto doesnt jump u, but i guess u can fend for urself'

Zoro snorted. If anyone could understand how Zoro was feeling that was probably Kidd. Being in love with Trafalgar, who was pretty much just like Sanji probably caused him as much of a heartache as what Zoro had always been through. Well... Minus the part where Kidd and Law were actually together.

Zoro wasn't expecting such support from anyone, but he figured that when the Crows were all gathering at Franky's for rehearsals, Zoro could take up Eustass's offer. Bartolomeo would have been there, probably trying to finish that infamous discussion he had started back at the party, but Zoro didn't give a shit at that point.

'well thanks. yeah, i guess i'll tell u at some point just not rn. but i'll take ur offer and when my band will rehearse at franky's ill definitely swing by ur house.'

Zoro answered quickly, since Franky had replied to him.

'i just put more beers into the fridge'

Zoro grinned, threw the now ice cold coffee into the nearest trash bin and started in the direction of Franky's house.

–

Zoro was used to walking everywhere, a bit because it was part of his daily training, and mainly because he wasn't allowed to drive, so even if Franky's house was at a good fourty minutes away from where he was, he wasn't actually bothered. He still had his music playing in his ears, even if he had to skip a few too many songs for plausible reasons, and even if he took a couple of wrong turns that were probably going to take him double the time to get to Franky's.

Zoro still ignored the Crows conversation, though he knew his friends were all still probably trying to get more answers from him, or attempting to get him to reason and not leave the band so suddenly in the middle of tour. He knew he'd left them in a pool of crap, but he also trusted their ability to find a good last minute replacement for all the upcoming concerts.

Fifteen minutes had passed from when he had started walking, and his music was interrupted by a call. He checked the caller and stopped in his tracks once he'd realized that it was Nami who was calling him. Zoro had seen it coming, and even if he couldn't be bothered to answer her, he also knew that he definitely had to.

Zoro cleared his throat, swiped right on the screen of his phone and resumed his walking as soon as he answered the call.

"Nami..."

"Don't do this to me. Don't do this to us, please."

She wasn't exactly pleading, but she didn't even sound angry, she sounded... Broken, and Zoro didn't expect that.

"I'm sorry. I have to." Zoro sighed, his tongue poking past his lips and running across the bottom one.

"Sanji isn't talking to us, neither is Ace. And neither are you."

Zoro huffed, shaking his head "Typical." he nibbled on his lower lip "Look, they fucked. Okay? And I can't deal with that. Not now. I'm just sorry the whole band has to suffer from this." he shrugged a shoulder.

There was a long silence from the other end of the phone, and Zoro furrowed his eyebrows as he legitimately thought the line had died or something.

"Hello?" Zoro asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"I can't fucking believe this."

"You tell me."

"Zoro I... I'm sorry, I–" Nami stammered. One of the rarest things that could happen.

"I know." Zoro mumbled, feeling kind of awkward. He wasn't so keen on sharing his feelings, and doing it with Nami seemed just... Too odd. They were really good friends, but being sentimental wasn't really their thing.

"I mean, Sanji... I could understand why he did it, but Ace! I can't believe he did it!"

Zoro's eyes fell shut for a moment. He really didn't need to re-live that all over again, he perfectly knew how fucked up it was. "I don't wanna talk about this, right now."

"I'll fuck him up." Nami snarled from the other end of the phone, and Zoro forced himself not to just drop his cell.

"No, you won't. Stay out of this." Zoro shook his head, then cursed himself mentally when he realized he had got the wrong way again.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me! It's all his and Sanji's fault if we lost our precious drummer! Our fucking friend!" Nami growled out loud.

Zoro bit his lower lip. After all, knowing that people actually cared about him was nice.

"You'll be fine. You'll find someone else." Zoro nodded reassuringly, even though Nami couldn't see it.

"We want our drummer! Not a replacement! Zoro you're the soul of the band, you cannot just leave!"

Zoro knew that Nami was probably thinking that she was being helpful, or that she could somehow make him feel better that way, but her words were actually having the complete opposite effect.

"I don't have a choice, alright? This isn't easy for me, but it's all I can do right now. Understand this, please." Zoro cut her off abruptly, and probably even too aggressively.

"No..." Nami took a long breath, probably a way to recover from Zoro's hit "No, you're right. Sorry, man."

"It's okay." Zoro sighed, for the umpteenth time.

"Hey, don't wander around too much, okay? Be safe."

"Shut up." Zoro muttered.

"Don't disappear."

"I'll try."

"Zoro!"

"Bye, Nami."

"Bye..."

As soon as the call ended, the music started playing again from where it had stopped, and Zoro quickly pushed the phone back inside his pocket as if it had burnt him. He knew he probably wasn't done talking about all that absurd shit, but he trusted Franky to make it less painful for him.

He had felt the phone vibrate in his hand during his call with Nami, they had probably been more texts, maybe Eustass had answered him but he needed to focus on getting to Franky's place before he'd completely lose it. Zoro knew everyone wanted to speak about what had happened, that some wanted to say how sorry they were for him, but he had never asked for pity, nor he could spend hours on end talking about something that hurt him. He'd rather become a hermit and stop speaking for good, than having to go through all that.

Zoro managed to turn the last part of his long walk towards Franky's house into a small meditation session. Of course it hadn't been a proper one, since he couldn't really close his eyes and completely shut out the rest of the world, but he had managed to completely empty his head and only focus on the music in his ears. Not even the lyrics made any sense in that state, he could only hear the melodies, as if he was listening to a bunch of instrumental tracks. For some minutes he had finally found some peace and quiet, and even if he knew that he was probably going to have to start speaking about Ace and Sanji again, at least he had rebooted his system for a little while.

He gave himself a few moments to get settled, when he climbed up the couple stairs of Franky's front porch, taking a deep breath and messily stuffing his headphones into an inner pocket of his coat. His fingers brushed against the small bottle of whiskey he had completely forgotten to have bought, so he decided to pretend it had been a present for Franky. Zoro fished out the bottle, then rang the doorbell.

Franky opened the door so fast that Zoro thought he had been sitting by it all the time, he grinned at Zoro and then, upon seeing the small bottle in the drummer's hand, barked out a laugh.

"Since when do you buy these ridiculous bottles?" Franky asked, still laughing.

Zoro rolled his eyes "Gimme a break, I bought booze I could smuggle into Starbucks to spike my coffee, like a fucking bum."

Franky's laugh died down, and a small smile curved his lips as he slowly shook his head "Get inside, bro. I've got the right amount of booze you need." he clapped a big hand on Zoro's shoulder, then stepped aside to let him in.

"Thanks. You're the person I'd choose if I wanted to commit suicide by drinking." Zoro's lips pulled into a hollow smirk as he walked into the house.

"You can handle alcohol far too much for that." Franky shrugged and shut the door behind Zoro "Gimme this soaked coat, I'll hang it in the shower."

Zoro cocked an eyebrow and gazed down at this coat, he had completely forgotten he had walked in the downpour. "Ah. Right," he shrugged off the coat and handed it to Franky "thank you."

Franky grabbed the coat and disappeared into the corridor, leaving Zoro to stand awkwardly in the living room. He looked over at the couch where he had slept with Bartolomeo and grimaced, crossing his arms over his chest. Zoro was starting to think that maybe staying in the house where all that mess happened wasn't exactly a brilliant idea.

"So," Franky started while he was walking towards Zoro with a six pack in one hand, and a bottle of rum in the other "We can start with these, and then I've got plenty of snacks if we get the munchies." he wriggled his eyebrows and jerked his chin towards the couch "C'mon, don't just stand there, bro."

Zoro glanced one more time towards the couch, set the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table, then opted to sit down on one of the armchairs, ignoring Franky's puzzled look.

"Okay..." Franky muttered, then placed the cans and the bottle down on the coffee table, next to the small whiskey bottle, then plopped down on the couch. "So... I bet you don't exactly wanna tell me what went on." he began, grabbing a can of beer and popping it open.

Zoro curled his lips and opted for the rum, uncapping it as he spoke "Not really."

Franky tilted his head to the side "Thought so." he took a swig of beer as he watched Zoro chugging from the bottle of rum "I gotta make a confession, bro."

Zoro arched an eyebrow and gulped the last swig of rhum down before he lowered the bottle. He wasn't ready for other surprises, but he was curious nonetheless. "What now?" he asked in a defeated tone.

Franky raised his eyes and waved his arm "It's nothing too awful! But I think you have a right to know."

"Just say it, man." Zoro sighed with a shrug.

"I, uh..." Franky rubbed the back of his neck, and Zoro observed the way in which his numerous biomechanical tattoos flexed along with the muscles, it was nearly mesmerizing. "The night of the party... I saw Sanji and Ace sleeping in one of my guest rooms." he bit his bottom lip.

Zoro stared at him dumbfounded for a few moments, then blinked "You..." he scowled at Franky "You knew about them. Did you tell the others?"

Franky vigorously shook his head "No, bro. No way I'd do that. I'm not a super asshole."

Zoro reared back against the armchair, staring down at his own lap as he processed everything. He couldn't even tell if the thing bothered him or not, if it had been right for Franky to keep his mouth shut for all that time. Telling on Ace and Sanji probably wasn't the greatest idea, though, hearing directly from them had been the right way things were supposed to go.

"Are you mad at me?" Franky asked, once he didn't get any sort of reply or look from Zoro.

Zoro shook his head slowly "No, I..." he sighed, lifting his eyes back on Franky "Sorry you had to keep this, for all this time, I guess?"

Franky widened his eyes "You're sorry? Are you kidding me, Zoro?" he scoffed "I just had to keep my mouth shut, you got your feelings stomped all over! You're the–"

"One to be pitied?" Zoro cut him off with a huff of hollow laughter.

"The one who truly suffered." Franky corrected him with a severe expression "Not me."

Zoro lowered his gaze again, this time bashfully. It had been a long while since he and Franky spent some time together, just the two of them, but Zoro was glad he had decided to take up Franky's offer, now.

"Look at the positive part of this." Franky smirked softly at Zoro's glare "You don't have to tell me what happened," he shrugged "I already know." he took a big gulp of beer.

Zoro squinted, he hadn't thought about that, but apparently the thing did have its pros "True that."

Franky grinned and raised his can in cheers, to which Zoro responded by lifting the bottle of rum and giving a small smirk back, before they both knocked back a large swing of booze.

"I can't believe it fucking happened." Zoro croaked out.

Franky shifted in his seat, leaning forward to let Zoro know that he was listening "I know, bro. I wasn't expecting that either."

"I just can't wrap my head around Ace doing it!" Zoro spat out the words "He always told me he'd never do that to me!"

"Do you think he'd do it, if alcohol hadn't been involved?" Franky dared asking.

Zoro scoffed "I've been drunk around Sanji plenty of times, yet I've never fucked him. Because I knew it wasn't right! I didn't wanna fuck Sanji while he barely knew what was going on!" he nearly flung the bottle he was holding, as he flailed his hands too much. He settled back and went on, calmer "I don't care about just fucking him, it's not what I want." he muttered, then swigged at the rum.

Franky shook his head "Sanji has no idea how much you love him, nor how much a person like you would do good to him."

Zoro shrugged a shoulder "I don't wanna be a therapy, I wanna be the one he loves. I won't tell him that he should be with me 'cause I'm a nice person, fuck that."

"I know that." Franky smirked, and put down the empty can of beer "It's kinda what I meant." he grabbed another can and popped it open "You should come clean, make him understand."

Zoro snorted "Fuck that, too. I'd lose him."

Franky furrowed his eyebrows "Haven't you, already?"

Zoro's jaw slacked slightly, but no sound came out of his mouth. He had sort of realized that he and Sanji were pretty much over, but hearing it from someone else made it feel so real that Zoro didn't know what to do, and that chest ache came back, stronger than ever.

"I'm sorry, bro. That was super stupid of me." Franky shook his head and covered his mouth, clearly regretting what he had just said.

Zoro stared at him, still unable to say anything. Franky was right, he had nothing to lose by that point, but that was something Zoro had never taken into account. There was a part of him that still hoped for things to magically sort out, but he knew it was impossible.

Zoro couldn't stand things going back the exact way they were before, not to mention worse, because he'd have to live with the knowledge that Sanji and Ace had slept together. It would have been pointless, there was nothing that could glue back the pieces the way they used to be, any kind of change was inevitable, whether it meant losing Sanji completely or not. Zoro still felt like he'd lost him, already.

"You still with me, bro?" Franky called out with furrowed eyebrows.

Zoro nodded and took a sip of rum right away before he could speak again "I don't think I could do it."

Franky sighed "Look, I know he doesn't technically need to know that you're head over heels for him, but I think he needs to know exactly why you're so incredibly hurt."

Zoro scowled at him "Isn't betrayal enough?"

"Well, I don't think he fully understands your reaction." Franky shrugged.

Zoro looked down at the bottle and started picking at the label "He probably thinks I dramatically overreacted, but... It's 'cause he basically never really cared about anyone but himself."

"Zoro..." Franky breathed out, and when Zoro looked back up at him he saw him shaking his head "I'm pretty damn sure that you're the only one he actually gives a shit about."

Zoro pursed his lips and shrugged "Well, I can't do that now. I couldn't deal with any kind of reaction he might have."

Franky nodded "I get that, bro." he took a sip of beer from his can "Just don't wait too long, okay?"

Zoro took a sip of rum, and purposely didn't answer. He didn't like the turn that the conversation had taken, he wasn't there to listen to Franky trying to justify Sanji or whatever he was trying to do, he was there because he needed a safe place to be.

"So, you and Robin..." Zoro left the sentence hanging and gazed back at Franky. That was the best way he could stir the conversation into, he couldn't fail. Franky's cheeks quickly painted red, and Zoro quite relished the discomfort he had pushed his friend into.

"Uh, we–" Franky cleared his throat, shrugged and let out a nervous chuckle. "I... She..."

Zoro smirked "You're in huge troubles, aren't you?" he pointed the neck of the bottle at Franky, as he spoke.

"I know maybe it's too soon to say this, but..." Franky smiled down at the can of beer he had lightly crushed in his huge hand "I think I love her."

Zoro scoffed "No shit, Sherlock."

Even though he was thoroughly damaged in that moment, Zoro genuinely cared about his friend, and was happy to see him so excited over his new love interest. Actually, Zoro had never seen Franky looking like that because of someone.

"I mean I know we haven't seen each other much, yet... But I feel like there's a connection, y'know?" Franky explained, with an extremely serious expression.

"Have you asked her out for dinner or something, yet?" Zoro asked as he put the bottle of rum down and stood up to get shot glasses. His head spun slightly as he got up from his seat, and he smirked softly to himself, taking pleasure in finally feeling tipsy.

"Not yet, but I plan on asking her, soon."

"You do that." Zoro grabbed six shots glasses and placed them on the coffee table, where he planned on serving whiskey and vodka shots for both he and Franky. "She seems great, don't let her slip through your fingers." Zoro was definitely talking to himself, too. He sat down and began to fill the glasses.

"Hopefully she'll have me." Franky sniggered softly, as he watched vodka pouring into the shots.

"I'm sure she will." Zoro raised his eyebrows, but didn't look into Franky's eyes. He did believe that he had a shot with Robin, but all that talk was starting to make him feel worse.

"You know what we should do?" Franky suddenly asked.

Zoro's eyebrow raised and he perked up at the question "What?"

"Order pizza, and watch a movie." Franky nodded before knocking back a shot of vodka.

Zoro blinked in confusion a few times, at the swift change of subject. Franky had definitely sensed that talking about Robin wasn't exactly doing Zoro any good, so he had promptly started talking about something else. That big guy probably had no idea of how much of a great friend he was, but Zoro suddenly felt extremely blessed to have him.

"Sounds perfect." Zoro smirked and took a shot of vodka himself.

"You're sleeping here, right?"

"Of course, why the fuck would I wanna go home?" Zoro replied with a snort, before chugging the second shot.

"Alright, alright." Franky smirked and downed his second shot.

"Just don't let me sleep on the same bed as Ace and Sanji." Zoro added in a hollow tone, and Franky choked on his liquor.

–

On an empty stomach, Zoro began to be heavily affected by the alcohol in his system, so much that he couldn't even stand from the armchair he was buried in and wouldn't stop laughing when Franky spoke to him. He had also insisted that he should have taken a shower to feel better, but Franky forbade him to do so, because he didn't want him to drown in his tub or break his neck.

After a small quarrel, Franky managed to get Zoro to put something solid in his stomach to weaken the intoxication, so that he could take a shower and then wait with Franky for the pizzas to be delivered.

Nearly a bag of cookies later, Zoro was back to a lightly tipsy state that allowed him to finally take his much needed shower without accidentally killing himself. Once he found himself in the bathroom he decided to indulge in a warm bath, so that he could relax and maybe sweat off the rest of the booze that still ran through his system.

He filled the tub and sat on the closed toilet to take off his clothes (just to be safe, he told himself, he could definitely stand still) as he waited, when his completely forgotten cellphone slipped off the pocket of his pants, ending up on the floor. Zoro scowled down at the object, as if it was the first time he'd ever seen it, then watched as Luffy's grinning face appeared on the screen and the phone vibrated angrily on the tiles.

"Shit..." Zoro sighed and shut his eyes, hanging his head as he started to remember things he had purposely shut out of his mind. He should have answered, just to let his little brother know he was fine, but he definitely wasn't going to give in to any requests for him to come home.

Zoro picked up the cell and swiped the green handset, taking in a deep breath before putting it by his ear.

"Luffy?" Zoro tentatively called out. He didn't really think that someone else would have used Luffy's phone, but you're never too careful.

"Hey, Zoro... I tried calling you like four times! Are you alright?" Luffy's voice didn't give out any vibe of worry, but that was just how the boy was, Zoro knew it.

"I'm sorry, I had my phone set on silent so..." Zoro shrugged a shoulder, then stood up to turn off the water and step into the tub "I'm fine, though." he sat down and laid back, sinking further into the hot water.

There was a long, drawn out sigh coming from the other end of the phone, then Luffy spoke again.

"Where are you now? Are you coming home?"

"I'll tell you where I am, only if you don't come look for me, alright?" Zoro asked, raising a sharp eyebrow.

"Yeah, don't worry... I just wanna know where you are."

"I'm at Franky's. I'm staying here for a while." Zoro confessed, shifting his limbs lazily into the warm water.

"Oh... Okay." there was a small pause, and Zoro hoped he wasn't trying to let other people hear their conversation "What, uh– what do I tell Mihawk and Shanks?"

"The truth." Zoro said boldly. He wasn't going to explain himself to their parents for something he hadn't done. "Ace and I argued and I don't wanna see him for a while."

"Ace isn't here..." Luffy's answer came promptly, even before Zoro could finish his own sentence.

Zoro's eyebrows knitted together "What?"

"Yeah he's..." Luffy's voice trembled slightly, it was hesitation, as if he didn't really want to say everything.

"Did he make you promise not to tell where he went off to?"

"Yeah..."

Zoro sighed "Alright then... If you don't tell him where I am, don't tell me where he is."

"I'll speak to Shanks and Mihawk." Luffy said in a small voice, and Zoro's heart shrunk slightly.

The last thing he had wanted was to drag Luffy in the middle of this fight. He knew that he wasn't going to take sides, and he wasn't going to ask him to pick one, but he seriously felt sorry for his little brother, he didn't want to hurt him.

"Hey, I'll hang out with you, okay?" Zoro tried to cheer him up.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I gotta go, now. Shanks's shouting from the kitchen." Luffy tried to snigger softly.

"Sure, go ahead." Zoro smiled softly, even though Luffy couldn't see it. "Tell them I said hi."

"I will. Goodnight, Zoro."

"Night, Luffy."

Zoro stretched towards the laundry basket and dropped the phone on top of the lid, then sunk completely into the water. Zoro didn't want to jump to conclusions, especially because he should have just relaxed in the tub and not think about the whole mess that his life currently was, but his mind had already began to wander, trying to hypotize where Ace could have gone off to.

Sanji's place was the easiest, quickest thought, and it made his blood boil right away. There was a part of Zoro that still thought about them secretely having an affair or whatever, but there was another part who remembered perfectly that Sanji had fucked Ace purposely to hurt Zoro's feelings, and not because he was in love with Ace. Still there was another small part of Zoro that remembered about Sanji singing I Come With Knives, shouting at the top of his lungs about love and how much it hurt.

Everything was so confusing, so messed up that Zoro could feel his brain steam inside his skull, and all he wanted to do was drown into that very tub... But at the same time he didn't want to die, certainly he didn't want to leave his corpse at Franky's, but generally Zoro really wasn't a person who would do such things, he only wanted his brain to stop over analyzing every single thing, and it seemed like he couldn't find the switch to turn it off for a while.

Meditation. Meditation was the only thing that could save him in that moment, so he resurfaced from the water and found a comfortable position so that he could close his eyes and try to drain every thought out of his tired mind.

One day he was probably going to have to thank Mihawk for being the strict teacher that he had always been, because only thanks to his training Zoro had finally managed to take back his calm and composure, emptying his mind as he gave in to meditation. He didn't know for how long he had sat in that bathtub, but when he snapped back to reality the water was cold and Franky was banging on the door and calling out for him.

"Zoro! Are you alright?!"

Zoro shook his head and scrubbed a wet hand down his now dry face, it took him a short while to readjust to reality, but he eventually answered to Franky.

"Yeah, I'm fine! Sorry! I was... I fell asleep." it wasn't entirely a lie, but it was the short version of what had actually happened.

"Oh, alright! I thought I had to bust down the door!" Franky laughed in relief "Pizza is here, get out before it gets cold!"

"Yeah, I'll be only a minute!" Zoro sighed and quickly washed, since up until that moment he had done nothing but soak.

No matter how well trained he could have been, Zoro wasn't a machine, and even though he tried not to feel a thing it was impossible. He just needed to realize that he couldn't just deny himself to live his grief forever, it was his right to experience and let it all out.

–

There was a vague memory and fuzzy images floating in Sanji's mind. He didn't remember much besides customers being vocal about a young man passing out by the entrance of the restaurant, then he remembered Patty's and Carne's voices calling out for him, but other than that he had no idea about what had happened.

When he blinked his eyes open, he couldn't quite make out right away his surroundings, but soon enough he realized he was in his own room, lying in his own bed. He wasn't even tucked in, the covers had been pulled down and the t-shirt he was sleeping in was soaked in sweat.

"You sweated it almost all off, Eggplant."

Sanji's head perked in the direction where the voice was coming from, only to find Zeff sitting by his bed and reading from an old book that told tales of the sea. A book he had read many times to Sanji before going to sleep as a kid.

"How are you feeling?" Zeff asked, looking at his son from above his glasses.

Sanji scrubbed a hand down his face "Like shit." he croaked and shifted into a more comfortable sitting position.

"You didn't even wake up when the doctor examined you." Zeff took off his reading glasses and shut the book.

Sanji's eyes widened underneath his furrowed eyebrows "You called a doctor?!" he asked, almost outraged.

"You fucking passed out on the threshold of our restaurant, you could have been dying for all we knew." Zeff replied in a stern tone, but the concern in his expression betrayed him.

"You're such a drama queen, dad." Sanji rolled his eyes, even though it made his head hurt. Then bit his lower lip when he realized how he'd called his father, Zeff was looking just as shocked as he felt, but didn't say anything about it.

"I'd just like to know what the fuck got into you," Zeff started, fidgeting with the glasses in his hands "going out in this cold, rainy weather with a fever. You're the stupidest fucking Eggplant on this planet." he shook his head, then looked back at Sanji "Doctor said you're lucky you didn't catch pneumonia or something."

Sanji let out a drawn out sigh and ran his fingers through his still slightly damp hair. He hadn't really cared about his health, all he had cared about was settling things with Zoro, but even if he had risked to get seriously sick he had achieved nothing. He couldn't even manage to keep a friend, his best friend, and the person he loved the most.

Everything came back to him so suddenly that he couldn't even breathe, his chest aching and throat knotting up as tears tried to spill down his cheeks. But Sanji didn't want to cry in front of Zeff, he had already cried in front of Zoro, he'd rather die than show how weak he was feeling.

"Sanji... You alright?" Zeff asked, concerned.

"J-just fuck off!" Sanji growled out, in a strangled voice "Leave me alone!"

Zeff glared at his son and shook his head "You always gotta be a little shit, you cannot be nicer, can you?"

Those words triggered such rage inside of Sanji that if he wasn't feeling boneless he would have probably physically attacked his father.

"That's fucking rich coming from someone who never has a nice fucking word for his son!" Sanji shouted "I learned from the best!"

Zeff stood up so suddenly that he knocked over the chair he had been sitting on "You shitty Eggplant!" he couldn't really say anything more, and it was probably because Sanji had hit a nerve, so he just stormed out of the room, slamming the door.

Sanji broke down the moment his father left the room. He let out all the anger, the pain and the frustration, through the tears that he finally allowed to flow. Zeff had been the last straw, the one that completely broke Sanji.

He spent probably the next hour crying as he lied in his bed. His head hurt, his eyes burned and every single bone in his body ached. He didn't know if the fever had gone back up, crying for all that time made him feel exactly as if he was running a temperature, and a crazy one.

Sanji caught a glimpse of his phone, sitting on the nightstand, and since there was a small LED blinking he knew that someone had tried to contact him. Terror suddenly crept up to him, at the thought that Zoro might have told everyone about what had happened – things were only going to get worse, from that moment on, he knew it.

He knew what he would have found in the messages: anger, frustration, hate, probably despair, too. Sanji was kind of ready, but at the same time he didn't feel like reading them at all. He thought he had already paid enough for a day, but he also knew that he probably should have checked for any decisions that had to be made for the band. He was still one of the founders, after all, so he had responsibility.

When Sanji unlocked the phone screen he had about two hundred messages, and they were all on the Crows convo. No one had tried to reach him privately, and he didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. Still, before he actually got the chance to open the group chat, a beautiful photo of Nami appeared on his screen as she called him.

That was kind of unexpected, and as much as Sanji would have wanted Nami to be sweet and gentle with him, he knew that she probably wanted to tear him apart piece by piece. Hadn't it been Nami, or really a lady in general, Sanji would have refused the call, but he really couldn't do that, even though his physical and mental state was utter crap.

"Mademoiselle, good–" Sanji hesitated, completely oblivious to what actual time it was. He had no idea for how long he'd been out and he hadn't really thought about checking the time, and the blinds were all rolled down because of the rain. "Good evening!" he tried, and hopefully he wouldn't have made a complete fool of himself, even though his voice sounded terrible. "How are you, light of my life?" he grimaced at his own words, but they were out and he couldn't really take them back.

"Sanji, what the fuck happened to your voice?!"

Nami's reaction seriously scared Sanji, he had no idea of how bad it could have actually sounded, and she sounded more shocked than he thought she could be.

"I-I..." Sanji couldn't even form a proper answer, that Nami was speaking over him again.

"You didn't get sick, did you?"

"Aw, are you worried about me, sweet, sweet Nami?" Sanji smirked slightly. By that point he didn't even know anymore if he believed it, if he could really convince himself that there was still a chance that girls would like him. Actually, he didn't know if anyone at all could really like him.

"Of course. And I'm worried about the damn tour, how could you neglect your health like this? We need your voice!"

Sanji knew that Nami was probably more concerned about him losing his voice than anything else, but it was still a nice thing to hear in a moment like that. Yet he really couldn't see how they could continue the tour without Zoro, it was impossible without their drummer.

"My voice will be fine..." he sighed, leaving the sentence hanging. He didn't know whether he should say more or not, because one thing he was sure of is that he was going to be blamed for what had happened, and that wasn't something he particularly looked forward to. Not after the awful day he'd had.

"Look, I know you won't read the group chat, so I wanted to make sure you'd know about the meeting we're having tomorrow at Franky's." Nami went on, her tone wasn't as detached as Sanji thought it could be, but he knew nothing nice was in store for him.

"Tomorrow?" Sanji rubbed at his tired, aching eyes. He wasn't ready to face them, even thought he knew that in two days they were going to play somewhere else.

"It's really important, you have to come even if you're sick."

"Of course I'll be there," Sanji nodded to the emptiness of his room "I could never let you down, Nami."

"We'll see about that."

Sanji sighed but didn't say a word, he was too tired for this kind of things.

"We're meeting at Franky's at 5pm, alright? See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see ya." Sanji wasn't even sure Nami had heard him, because he was pretty sure she had ended the call while he was still speaking.

Sanji dropped the phone on the mattress, not caring at all that it slid right off of it, falling to the floor. He sunk back inside the cocoon of blankets and comforters, up to his head, not even leaving a hair out as he tried to hide away completely.

He knew it was bound to happen, he knew that sooner than later he was going to have to face and confront his friends, but he'd rather climb under a rock and never come out. He wasn't even afraid of judgement, because he was perfectly aware of the hate he was going to receive, yet he was probably never going to be really ready for it.

Sanji considered the option of sleeping the rest of that day off, it was the only way not to think and to anesthetize his wounds. Yes, it was the best thing to do, even though he dreaded tomorrow.

–

Sanji had managed to wake up at a decent hour, the morning after, even if the night before he had woken up a few times to eat some left overs that Zeff had brought him from the restaurant, and to take some medicine.

He felt better, not perfect, but at least he wasn't feeling like he could die at any given moment, still he decided it would have been better to take it easy until that evening. A shower was much needed, and after that a nutritious breakfast to recover his health as fast as possible.

Sanji walked into the bathroom, still unsure on whether he should take a shower or a bath, mainly debating if he should just sit down in the tub in case he felt weak or ill. He stripped off his pajamas and underwear, and filled up the tub, just in case, while he sat on the lip and watched the water spill and flow from the faucet.

His mind began to wander, he couldn't help it, and a sense of anguish mauled his guts as he thought about how that was going to be his first day without Zoro. Of course he knew the two didn't actually spend their days together, just like they could go a day without texting each other at all, but Zoro was a security, Sanji knew he could turn to him whenever, even if he just felt like bothering someone.

He wanted to be angry, he wanted to hate Zoro for bailing on him, for reacting like an imbecile to what had happened. Sanji still couldn't believe how badly he had reacted, he never thought Zoro would have really decided to end their friendship over something like that.

He kept replaying the entire conversation he had with Zoro the day before, still finding everything absurd – Sanji shook his head trying to wipe off all those thoughts. He dipped into the tub, relaxing in the warm water, but dared not to shut his eyes, he already could recall too many horrible images while keeping them open. Sanji was even trying not to think about the meeting he was going to attend later that day, he could only imagine the trial he was going to be put through. Drowning would have been much less painful.

There was a knock on the door that made him jump slightly in the water, bringing him back to reality and tearing him away from hurtful thoughts. He scrubbed a wet hand down his face and answered, even though he perfectly knew who it was.

"Yeah?" Sanji called out.

"It's me," Zeff's voice replied "are you alright?"

Sanji let out a drawn out sigh. Now he was recalling his conversation with Zeff from the previous night and was feeling bad for the turn it had taken. Zeff wasn't a bad person, life had been extremely though with him, but Sanji had been just as screwed by life and he had grown up to have his father's same personality, thing that made them clash way too often.

"Yeah, better." Sanji replied, wrapping his arms around his knees and looking down at the lazy movements of the water.

"Good." there was a small pause, and Sanji pictured him heaving a sigh or sucking in a big breath. "I made you breakfast."

Sanji furrowed his eyebrows, not expecting his father to do that, especially since he hadn't even realized that he was actually home.

"Oh... Thanks."

"Yeah."

Silence. Had Zeff gone? Or was he still standing behind the door, trying to find the right words to use with his reckless son?

Sanji heaved out a breath and relaxed back, closing his eyes as he rested his head against the lip of the tub. He was somehow glad that he didn't have to make himself breakfast, his legs and arms were still feeling kind of weak, just like there was still a soreness in his back that didn't want to leave him in peace.

Sanji spent some more minutes lazying inside the tub, the warm water had probably sucked away some extra energy from him, but it had felt too good for Sanji to care. He dried off and put on a fresh pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, shrugging on a sweater that he was going to use only to move around the house, then finally went to the kitchen.

Zeff was standing by the counter, sipping on a mug of steaming coffee as he read the morning paper, the exact scene you'd find in a movie. Sanji sighed, and went to take a seat by the table, his hair was still kind of wet and a few droplets dripped down his shoulders. Zeff lifted his eyes from the paper, frowning at the sight of his son sitting down to have breakfast.

"I thought this was for me?" Sanji asked with a cocked eyebrow, confused by his father's glare.

"Why didn't you dry your hair properly?" Zeff asked "Do I really need to remind you that you fucking passed out for a high fever?"

Sanji widened his eyes in bewilderment, underneath furrowed eyebrows. Alright, his father was worried for him, he got it, but it was starting to feel weirder than it should have been, he wasn't used to all that concern.

"Jeez, fine! I'll blow it dry later!" Sanji scoffed and pulled up the hood of his sweater, just to shut Zeff up, then finally dug into his breakfast.

Sanji kept quiet throughout the meal, and even though he pretended like he didn't notice, Zeff kept peeking at him from over his paper as if he was scared to see him fall off the chair or face first into his bowl of sliced bananas with yogurt. Another thing Sanji pretended to do was not care about the attentions he was getting from his father, when really he was absolutely pleased by it.

"Are you gonna nurse me all day long, or are you planning on going to the restaurant, at some point?" Sanji teased, sipping on his hot tea.

Zeff rolled up his paper and swatted it on Sanji's head "I'll stay with my son as much as I want to, I've got employees for a reason."

Sanji growled lowly and slapped the paper away "Yeah, employees that won't hesitate to set fire to the damn kitchen."

"They know I'll eviscerate them if they dare." Zeff shrugged and poured himself some more coffee.

Sanji smirked, not saying anything in return and just drinking his tea. It was quite refreshing and relaxing to spend some time that way, with his father, he couldn't really recall doing something like that in ages. The older man took a seat across from his son, glasses perched up on his Roman nose, pen and notebook in hand. He silently started to go through the pages, making corrections, crossing out things and adding others, and went on like that for some minutes.

"So..." Zeff started suddenly, not looking up at his son as he scribbled on his notebook.

Sanji perked up, a questioning look on his face "Huh?"

"Did you argue with Zoro? Is that why you left the house with a fever?"

Sanji nearly threw the mug at his father "Listen, shitty old geezer..." he snarled.

"It's always about him, when you do this reckless kinda shit." Zeff looked up at Sanji, unfazed by the murderous look he had been shot with.

"We were having a nice, quiet time..." Sanji kept growling.

Zeff nodded "Alright, it's him." he pursed his lips and went back to his notebook, pushing his reading glasses a bit back up on the bridge of his nose.

Sanji threw his head back with a loud groan. Why did Zeff always have to act like he and Zoro were dating, or worse, were some kind of a married couple? They weren't. They were best friends, bandmates, co-founders of Murder Of Crows, but not an item. They never were, they probably were never gonna be, and now that Zeff was making him think about it, the more it hurt in an excruciating way.

"He quit the fucking band." Sanji said suddenly, without giving it too much thought. He never vented to his father, he barely even vented to Zoro or their friends in general, but in that moment he needed to let at least part of his frustration out.

Zeff's hand stopped, he let out a small sigh and took off his glasses. His eyes squeezed shut as he pinched the bridge of his nose, and finally mustered up the energy to look at his son, with a wise, yet worried expression.

"What happened?" Zeff asked.

For once, Sanji didn't get asked 'what have you done', but 'what happened'. That question felt so good, and so unaccusing that Sanji nearly teared up.

"He had enough of me, apparently." Sanji briefly smiled a small, hollow smile "We got into the umpteenth fight, and he said he couldn't take it anymore."

Zeff scowled "Just like that?"

Sanji worried his lips between his teeth, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head "I made a mistake he wasn't willing to forgive."

"Ah." Zeff answered, smoothing down his goatee. He was probably trying to imagine what Sanji could have possibly done to get such a final reaction from Zoro.

"Am I so terrible to be around?" Sanji asked, quietly. He was almost feeling ashamed of posing such questions, but by that point he was just desperate.

Zeff snorted, a lopsided smirk stretching his lips "You're not exactly a delight," then he added "only when you really wanna act like an asshole."

Sanji rolled his eyes, but didn't have the time to reply because Zeff went on immediately.

"You push people to their limit, until they wanna kick your stupid skull in," Zeff paused to lean forward, a little closer to Sanji "the person to whom you do this the most is Zoro, probably because he's the one you care about the most."

Sanji chewed on his lower lip and looked down at the table. He was starting to regret asking for Zeff's advice, because he was telling him exactly how he acted.

"You do this because it's a natural defense of yours," Zeff continued "but maybe this time you hurt Zoro's feelings too much."

Sanji looked up at Zeff with an hurt expression "It's not as if I do that all the time, you're saying it like I do!"

Zeff raised his eyebrows "You do treat him like crap. More often than you think."

Sanji couldn't speak right away, because the truth had slapped him across the face "Y-you're never around when we're together! You can't know that!" he retorted like an offended child.

"I've been around you two plenty of times to know that." Zeff wore back his glasses and went back to his work "Do something, don't lose a valuable person over being stupid."

Sanji stared at his father in a mix of disbelief and outrage. Zeff had a way of lecturing people without letting them know he's doing so, and Sanji had just been confronted with a painful reality.

Zeff was probably right, Sanji had pushed Zoro away as much as he could for fear of getting too close, because his feelings were too big for him to deal with, because he was too scared of refusal, of being heartbroken, but by driving Zoro away he had been left with the same awful consequences.

Sanji stood up quietly and gathered all the empty mugs, plates and bowls from the table and brought them to the sink. He washed them slowly and in silence, pondering on his father's annoyingly wise words, until he was done and ready to retreat back to his room.

–

Sanji spent the rest of the day alone, watching the food channels and yelling at the TV every time he saw even the smallest kind of mistakes, and mentally prepared the same courses in what he thought was the actual best and correct of ways.

He needed to cook, it would have kept him busy both mentally and physically, so he decided to make himself an energizing soup that would have definitely helped him through the rest of the afternoon and evening.

Sanji sang angry songs and sad song while he chopped up vegetables and stewed meat, getting fired up and putting on a little show for no one to see. He smoked in the kitchen of the house, breaking one of Zeff's most severe rules, but he was going to open the window later, when he was going to get ready to go out.

The soup had been a proper success, it was so good he had to congratulate himself, and gloated all the while as he ate it. He had also made an extra bit that he carefully stored in the fridge, maybe even for Zeff to heat it up at dinner. Sanji wasn't exactly sure that he was going to have dinner with his friends, especially since they were most likely going to pillory him or something, but he was pretty sure that if he came back home for dinner he would have gone straight to bed.

The time to leave the house to meet his friends neared and Sanji started to feel panic surging from the pit of his stomach, running through his chest and choking him up. He didn't want to go, he wasn't ready for the agony, but at the same time he just wanted to quickly get it over, like ripping off a band-aid.

Sanji had no idea what was going to happen upon meeting Ace, maybe nothing, or maybe Ace was going to blame it completely on him, especially for putting his brother against him. He thought about Nami, and how much he had disappointed her, he thought about sweet Vivi, who had always been so kind and friendly with him, and thought about how angry she could have been because he had hurt her lovely girlfriend. Usopp and Franky might have probably been the less hostile of the bunch, though they were both very fond of Zoro. Sanji wondered if Brook was going to be there too, he was the oldest of them, and he had certainly experienced so many things in life that he could have spared him from any kind of hatred. The one he dreaded the most though, was Luffy. Luffy who loved all of his friends equally, but had the greatest bond with his brothers, and clearly had a soft spot for Zoro. Luffy could have probably been the most ferocious of the bunch, and Sanji was genuinely worried.

He tried to shake all those thoughts away, he was going to cross that bridge when he got to it, there was no use to rack his brains beforehand. That nasty feeling inside his stomach was something he couldn't easily get rid of, but he could certainly try and stay calm until he was going to be at Franky's.

Sanji got ready, smearing on just a bit of eyeliner on his eyes and wearing something comfortable, he couldn't really bother to put on more makeup, nor pulling on tight clothes that could have suffocated him – he could easily choke on his own.

He decided to get there by car, it wasn't a huge distance, but he didn't feel like he should have walked in the cold again. Even if he hadn't completely recovered, he thought he could drive, he was going to be extremely careful and pull over if he wasn't going to feel good, but there was simply no way he would go by foot.

–

The drive was a short one, but he took his time, blasting music and singing all the lyrics to keep his head from straying too far, and driving slower than usual just to be careful. It felt like he'd been in his car for a year, but when he arrived in front of Franky's house he just wanted to turn the car around and go back home.

He stopped a few feet away from the house and literally glared at it from a distance. Sanji drummed the fingers of his right hand on the steering wheel and bit the nails of the left one, nervousness thrumming through him like poison. For a moment he seriously thought about going back home and tell everyone that he had been feeling too sick to join them, but a knock on the car window made him jump so hard that he accidentally honked the horn.

When he glowered outside the window he found Usopp with a guilty expression painted all over his features. Sanji rolled his eyes and shook his head – he had nowhere to go, now, Usopp had busted him and had also scared the living shit out of him. Sanji sighed and climbed out of his car, still glaring at Usopp.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to startle you!" Usopp apologized, clearly mortified.

"Yeah..." Sanji scoffed, locking up his car with shaky hands. He had no idea if he was still trembling from the shock or the nervousness, so he decided that it was probably due to both things.

"How are you?" Usopp asked, and for a moment Sanji was actually convinced that his friend looked concerned.

Sanji shrugged "I had a really bad fever yesterday, I'm still recovering from it."

"Really?" Usopp scowled, surprised "Sucks, buddy. I'm sorry."

Sanji shrugged "How about you?" he asked back. He didn't want to sound rude, especially since Usopp was always nice to him, but he was really in an awful mood.

Usopp pursed his lips and nodded "Good, yeah."

Sanji knew he was probably itching to ask about what had happened to Zoro or something, but Sanji wasn't going to repeat himself a thousand times, so he jerked his chin in the direction of Franky's "We should go."

"Yeah, we should." Usopp agreed and started walking with him.

In an awkward silence, the boys reached the front porch and Sanji didn't even think about ringing the doorbell, leaving it to Usopp. Sanji lit himself a cigarette, his nerves tense as a violin string, every second that separated him from the people inside the house felt like a blessing, but an agony at the same time. The door cracked open, and a pair of eyes peeked at them before the door was swung completely open and Franky's big figure appeared on the threshold.

"Hey bros!" Franky greeted them with a grin, but even though he tried his hardest to appear normal, his tone of voice and his eyes betrayed him.

"Hi, Franky!" Usopp smiled at him, and everything looked so awkward and forced that Sanji wanted to vomit.

"Hey." Sanji muttered, smoke blowing through his nostrils. He didn't need to put up a show and didn't even want to.

"Come on in, the others are already here!" Franky jabbed a thumb behind his back, then stepped aside to let them in.

Sanji took a quick, deep drag, then flicked ashes on the floor of the front porch before entering the house after Usopp.

The house was unusually quiet, there was no chatting nor music in the background, just an haze of odd tension that made Sanji feel even worse. He wasn't expecting to find his friends partying or having fun, but that gloomy atmosphere was plainly ridiculous, did they really feel the need to be so incredibly dramatic?

Usopp quickly shrugged off his coat and hung it before walking over to the couches, where everyone was sitting, followed by Franky. Sanji listened to the choir of greetings towards Usopp, and was sure that he wasn't going to get the exact same treatment. He tightened his teeth around the filter of the cigarette and used both hands to calmly take off his coat and hang it on the spot next to what looked like Vivi's dark blue brocade coat. Sanji took a deep breath and finally went to meet the rest of the gang.

The motley crew was scattered about the living room, Vivi and Nami were sharing one of the armchairs, Brook was sitting on the other armchair by himself, sipping from a cup of tea, Luffy was sitting on the floor with his back resting against Usopp's legs – who had just sat down on the armrest of the couch – while his oldest brother took up the rest of the space of the couch by being sprawled on it. There were sounds of rummaging through the kitchen, which could only mean that Franky was probably getting more drinks and snacks.

Six pairs of eyes shot up when Sanji walked over, and the soft chattering died down all of a sudden. Usopp was trying to smile at him, Brook's expression was almost unreadable, while Nami and Vivi simply exchanged a meaningful look. Sanji nearly dreaded holding Luffy's gaze, so he left him for last. Ace didn't seem to be able to lock gazes with Sanji for too long, his left knee was bouncing up and down and the tension in his entire body irradiated distress. Finally, Sanji's eyes moved back down to Luffy and his scowl, it was just barely there but it looked deadlier than ever.

"Hello." Sanji said, saluting. He was almost expecting someone to throw a can of beer at him, or something. Luffy would have probably thrown the couch and coffee table at him, if he could.

"Are you feeling any better?" Nami asked, and Sanji knew that she was trying to sound more concerned than infuriated.

Sanji put on one of his best smiles, something that he was way too used to do. "Ah, my lovely Nami, I'm much better, thank you for asking!" he replied with an enthusiasm that didn't match how he actually felt.

"Alright, that's very good." Nami nodded, seemingly dropping the subject right away.

Sanji was kind of expecting that she wouldn't ask anything else, but it still upset him.

Usopp grabbed an ashtray from the coffee table and handed it to Sanji with a smile. The small gesture warmed Sanji's heart, at least someone was trying to show him that he cared, after all.

"Thank you." Sanji gave a small smile as he took the ashtray to flick ashes into it, then shot Ace a fugitive look, just long enough to catch him staring back at him.

"It's so odd to hear that," Brook started, creases forming on his forehead as he frowned "I think you've never felt sick since I've known you. This is probably the first time!"

Sanji pursed his lips and nodded "I'm not so fragile."

"Only when you're sober." Ace suddenly blurted out, it was probably supposed to be a whisper, but everyone heard him. All eyes wandered from Sanji to Ace, then back to Sanji, waiting for a reaction.

Sanji glowered at Ace, anger suddenly surging from the pit of his stomach, making his hands ball up into fists and his jaw clench. "I could say the same about you," he started, trying to keep his voice steady and not shout "you're very pliant after the right amount of booze."

Ace bolted up to his feet, ready to brawl "Fuck you!" he growled as he tried to launch himself at Sanji but was promptly held back by his little brother and Franky.

"Don't you even start, alright?!" Nami threatened them, rising from the armchair "You're both guilty, here!"

Those words triggered Sanji's fury, it was seriously the last straw. All the fear and anxiety were suddenly gone, replaced by his anger. He couldn't hold it back anymore, he barely could take it from Zoro, but he definitely wasn't going to take it from anyone else. They knew nothing, they had no idea about what Sanji and Zoro had shared, they had no right to speak, no right at all.

"What are we guilty of, huh?" Sanji snarled "Fucking at a party? Fucking while pissed drunk?" he laughed a hollow laugh and shook his head "Like you've never done it!" he nearly dropped the ashtray, or at least its content, by moving too vigorously.

Luffy shrugged, his expression still blank "I haven't."

Usopp snorted, but quickly stopped when Sanji's murderous glare encountered him. He pressed his lips together with eyes wide open and shook his head.

"I can't believe how cluelless you are!" Nami huffed, shaking her head "Do you play dumb on purpose, or are you really that stupid?" she asked, as blunt as she could be.

Sanji was taken aback, not expecting those words from Nami. He furrowed his eyebrows and blinked "What do you mean? What are you talking about?" those words didn't seem to actually fit in what was swimming through Sanji's head.

Nami rolled her eyes and shook her head "I can't believe it, I give up." she sat down, refusing to look at Sanji in the eye.

"What?" Sanji's eyes widened "Why?!" he scanned the room to see if everyone else was just as confused as he was, but everyone was giving him a sympathetic kind of look that was utterly unnerving. "What the fuck is this?" his cigarette lying forgotten into the ashtray, burning out.

"Look, Sanji," Vivi started, and Sanji's head whipped in her direction. She smiled at him, a lot calmer than her girlfriend "What Nami is trying to tell you is that, what happened between you and Ace is worse than you think." she spoke gently.

"Zoro loves you, alright?" Nami bursted, cutting Vivi off "He doesn't just love you, he's fucking in love with you! And you're the only one who still cannot see it!" she nearly yelled "You broke his heart!"

"Nami..." Vivi covered her eyes with a hand and shook her head for her girlfriend's lack of patience.

"I had to! It's pointless to dance around it like that!" Nami went on, then grabbed a can of beer and popped it open.

Sanji was paralyzed. He couldn't feel his legs and he was pretty sure he had stopped breathing at some point. Disbelief didn't even come close to describing how he felt, his jack was slacked and he still hadn't blinked. Luffy was staring at him so intensely that Sanji could feel his eyes burning his skin, Ace was staring at the floor and the others, except Nami, were all nervously looking anywhere but at him.

"This isn't funny, Nami." Sanji started, his voice slightly broken "I don't appreciate this kind of jokes, not even from you."

"It's not a joke!" Nami assured, exasperated "Why do you think Zoro would quit the band, if this was a joke?"

Sanji shook his head, slowly "No, this–"

Usopp stood up "Sit down, Sanji. C'mon..." he said softly, taking a couple steps in his direction.

"No, I don't wanna." Sanji shook his head, bent over to place the ashtray back on the coffee table, then quickly went to lock himself into the bathroom, leaving everyone behind. He couldn't stay in the same room as them.

It all felt like a joke, and a cruel one for the matter. They couldn't be serious, there was simply no way that what they were saying had even the slightest part of truth. He would have definitely known it if Zoro actually felt something for Sanji that went beyond the simple love of a friend... Or wouldn't he?

Well, after all those years, Zoro had had plenty of opportunities to show his love, yet he didn't do anything. Not to mention all the recent occasions in which Sanji had made a move towards him and Zoro had just pushed him away – that definitely spoke volumes to Sanji, the message had arrived loud and clear, Zoro didn't want Sanji.

No, that couldn't be real, it simply couldn't.

Sanji held fast onto the sink, breathing heavily as he stared at his own reflection into the mirror. He looked like death, and he also pretty much felt like it. He opened the faucet to wash his face, to hell with what little eyeliner he was wearing. Sanji felt like he was burning up, his face was scorching hot but he couldn't tell whether it was really the fever or not.

He kept splashing and splashing water on his face, almost as if he wanted to wash away the words he had heard, almost as if he wanted to wash himself away. If they wanted to make fun of him, that was okay, but coming up with a lie that big and awful was just horrible. He knew he probably deserved horrible, but that crossed all the lines.

Sanji blindly reached for the first towel he could find on the rack, his hands barely noticed its slightly damp state, but when he brought it to his face, sinking his nose into the fabric, he pulled back right away almost as if it had burnt him. It smelled like Zoro. That couldn't possibly be, but Sanji had been around the brute long enough to recognize his scent and the impossibly minty deodorant he used. He let the towel fall to the floor and glared down at it as if it had threatened his life. Sanji shut his eyes and began to take in several deep breaths in the attempt of soothing himself, because he was starting to think that his sanity was slithering away.

He sat on the lip of the bathtub, head in hands, fingertips digging into his skull as he rested his elbows on of his knees, he stared down at the small mat that laid by the sink. It was in that very moment that Sanji actually realized that his armor had shattered completely, he had no more defenses and his skin was covered in new fresh wounds that burnt and stung like mad.

He had no idea about what scared him the most, Zoro sharing his feelings or Zoro not giving a fuck about him. Of one thing he was way too sure, though: that not having Zoro at all was destroying him. If what the others had told him was true, then Sanji could perfectly find a meaning to every single one of Zoro's odd behaviors (well, those weirder than normal) and it also made him realize how much sleeping with Ace had hurt Zoro.

But then again, how could that be true? How could someone love Sanji? He was barely human, anymore. He was only a shell of who he used to be, nowadays, ugly on the inside and completely unlovable and incapable of treating people right. Zoro deserved so much better, but at the same time Sanji didn't want anyone else to have him, because he was Sanji's whole world.

Fuck... Why did he have to love him so much?

There were a few knocks on the door that made Sanji nearly fall backwards into the tub, but he managed to steady himself, somehow.

"Sanji, are you alright?" Usopp's voice called out.

Sanji let out a sigh and didn't answer. He wanted to be alone, why was it so hard to understand?

"Stop being so kind to him, he got us all into this mess!" Nami's voice roared from a greater distance, and Sanji's heart dropped to his stomach. He had seriously turned everyone against him, how wonderful.

"He's a human being, Nami! Don't be so horrible to him!" Usopp failed to whisper back to the clearly furious girl.

"We are completely fucked, Usopp! Don't you–" Nami's voice was cut off. Sanji didn't know why but he had a feeling it had something to do with Vivi.

"Sanji, open the door please," Usopp said in a soft voice "I don't want you to come out, I'll get inside."

A faint smile pulled at Sanji's lips "Do you realize how dirty that sounds?" he joked, though he barely had the strength to do so.

Usopp sniggered softly "Please?"

Sanji sucked in a deep breath and stood up. He could deal with being around Usopp, after all he was trying to make him feel better, and he was probably the only one who cared about it. He took a couple steps towards the door and unlocked it, swinging it open to see Usopp's concerned smile.

"Hey..." Usopp's smile brightened a bit.

Sanji gestured for him to come inside the bathroom, and once Usopp did he shut the door again, making sure to lock it up.

"What a lovely place for a chat!" Usopp tried to joke with a small chuckle.

"Right?" Sanji smiled bitter, then moved to push down the toilet seat, so that he could sit down on it.

Usopp ran his fingers through his thick curls, he wasn't at ease, and Sanji hoped it wasn't because of his presence, but because the two of them weren't much used to heart to heart conversations.

"Look, I... Know you're devastated, and I know that what we told you probably made everything worse–" Usopp started, but Sanji promptly cut him off with a snort.

"Why? It doesn't make much difference. Especially 'cause I know you made that up." Sanji shrugged "And if you didn't, I don't really care." he lied through his teeth, his specialty.

Usopp's eyebrows furrowed, his full lips tightening as he tilted his head slightly to the side "I know you don't mean that."

Sanji looked away, his tongue piercing nervously grazing against each of his upper teeth.

"Zoro does love you, and I'm sure that deep down you know he really does." Usopp went on "What happened can't be undone, it hurt Zoro a great deal and now we're left with the conseq–"

"We?" Sanji shouted all of a sudden, his gaze piercing through Usopp's very soul "We?!" he repeated again "Zoro hates my fucking guts, he never wants to see me again and you dare saying we?!"

Well at least that talk was going to be therapeutic, as it was helping him let out his pent up anger, though he was lashing out on poor Usopp.

"Well, Zoro left the band, Sanji! You guys are missing a drummer during a very important period of your life as musicians!" Usopp retorted, not with the same volume of voice, but making Sanji understand that it was something that affected everyone.

Sanji lowered his head, staring down at the scraped leather on the tips of his boots. "All my life, I've done nothing but fuck up." he said in a soft voice. He didn't mean to say those things to Usopp, but he was the one who had the courage to come talk to him and Sanji really couldn't hold everything back any longer.

"Sanji..." Usopp frowned "That's not true."

Sanji shook his head "Don't say cliché things, Usopp, I know you all think the same about me. I am a fuck up."

Usopp took a step closer to Sanji and crouched down to his level "Hey, stop saying that, okay?" he tried to search for Sanji's gaze, but he kept avoiding Usopp's eyes "Nobody's perfect, and we all do fucking stupid things."

Sanji snorted and rolled his eyes "I constantly do fucking stupid things," he looked at Usopp "many times on purpose, too. Even if I regret them, afterwards."

Usopp shrugged a shoulder "I know you're not a bad person, you just make bad decisions, that's all."

"Stop being nice, Usopp. I know you don't mean it, you just wanna get me out of here." Sanji pursed his lips with and arched an eyebrow.

"Well I do have to get you out of here," Usopp confessed "because you guys need to discuss important band issues." then his eyebrows lifted as he went on "But I do mean what I'm saying. You can be a complete asshole, when you want, but I also know that you're actually very kind and gentle." he shrugged "You just don't show it very often." he sniggered.

Sanji's cheeks turned a pale shade of pink at Usopp's words. He really didn't think that Usopp had that opinion of him, but it was a major uplift. "Stop hitting on me, Usopp. I won't sleep with you, too." he teased, because it was the only way he knew to deal with compliments.

Usopp turned completely red, and it was definitely because of that not so dormant crush that Sanji knew he had on him. "Sh-shut up! I'm not hitting on you!"

Sanji laughed for the first time that day, throwing his head back "I know, you got a boyfriend already." he smirked.

If possible, Usopp's cheeks turned practically purple "Stop it, just stop it!" he sprung to his feet and turned his back on Sanji.

Sanji kept laughing softly as he shook his head. What he had done to deserve a friend like Usopp, he had no clue, but he was glad to have at least him left at a time like that.

"We should go." Usopp muttered, still not looking back at Sanji.

"Is it hard not to... You know... Do certain things with Luffy?" Sanji kept teasing. He knew it was cruel, but it was making him feel slightly better, especially since he knew that in a few moments he was going to feel like crap all over again.

"Sanji, I'll kill you!" Usopp tried not to shout as he turned around "Shut your face!"

Sanji raised both hands "Alright, alright."

Usopp grunted, his hand moving swiftly to unlock the bathroom door, then looking back at Sanji "Are you ready?" he asked before actually pushing the door open.

Sanji's eyebrow shot up, and he gave a quick single-shouldered shrug "'Course I am." he lied, but he was good enough to make it sound like it really wasn't that big of a deal.

"Alright." Usopp nodded, then opened the door to step out of the bathroom first.

Sanji hesitated, he had heard the kind of hostility that was going to greet him as soon as he went back to the living room and he really didn't wish to experience it again, but he really didn't have much of a choice. He tried to inhale a deep breath, but his agitation didn't allow his lungs to open up as much as they needed to, leaving him kind of short-breathed, then walked out of the bathroom once and for all.

Usopp had resumed his original position, next to Luffy who was munching on some chips. Usopp shot Sanji a quick smile as he looked over at him, Vivi too, smiled softly in Sanji's direction, while giving a gentle squeeze to Nami's hand. The redhead sighed at the sight of Sanji, but didn't attack him this time. Well, at least someone was being friendly, or something like that. Sanji dared glancing at Ace, but he was just checking his phone and typing something up – Sanji did wonder who was he texting, if it could perhaps be his brother, but at the same time Sanji knew that Zoro was mad at Ace, too.

"Do you want something to drink or eat?" Franky asked, bringing Sanji back to reality.

"Huh?" the blond asked automatically as his head whipped in the direction of Franky "Uh, no thanks. I'm fine." Sanji gave a curt nod, then pushed his hands into his pockets. He needed a smoke, and badly, but at the same time he didn't want to light one up for some reason.

"I brought some scones! I made them!" Brook exclaimed, beaming up at Sanji.

Sanji looked down at the scones, they looked kind of dry, and probably a bit over baked, but he wasn't the kind of person to refuse something that someone had cooked with love, even if it might have looked bad.

"Alright, I'll have one, then." Sanji smiled softly, then bent to pick a scone from the small bowl on the coffee table.

"So, Sanji... We need to talk about something important." Nami started right away, without even waiting for Sanji to sink his teeth into the scone.

"Sit down, bro." Franky said as he brought him a chair.

"Thanks, Franky." he sat down, then turned to give Nami his full attention "What is it, Nami?" he had a feeling it was obviously going to be about the band, but at the same time he really didn't want to hear it.

Nami joined her hands together, resting her elbow on top of her knees as she looked straight into Sanji's eyes "Dancing around it is pretty useless, but you perfectly know that we need someone to fill in Zoro's position for the upcoming shows."

Sanji didn't bite into the scone, not just yet, he looked down at it, feeling the faintest ache in his chest. He knew they needed someone to play drums for them, but at the same time he couldn't even stand the thought of it, Murder Of Crows only had one drummer and it was Zoro. Zoro was heart and soul of Murder Of Crows, just as much as Sanji was and he couldn't stand thinking about a future in which Zoro wasn't part of the band. It didn't even make sense.

"We need someone who is very good, and could be Zoro's substitute right away. Someone who maybe knows the songs by heart already." Nami added, when she saw that Sanji didn't reply, nor looked at her.

Sanji snorted "There's no one like that, we're not fucking Metallica or something," he shrugged, looking over at Nami "there's no good drummer who knows our songs, already."

Sanji was brutally honest. They simply weren't famous enough to find someone capable to fill in Zoro's position so soon, if they were to find a very good drummer, it would have taken him some time to learn all the songs. He wasn't being pessimistic, just realistic.

"That's where you're mistaken." Nami retorted.

Sanji frowned, but decided to finally taste the scone in his hand. It was just like he had imagined, over baked and too dry, but the flavor wasn't bad, after all.

"There's someone who's capable to fill in for Zoro, and who would be absolutely happy to help us out," Nami tilted her head to the side "at least for the time being."

Sanji swallowed the piece of scone, before huffing with sarcasm "And who would this savior be?" he asked right before taking another bite.

"Bartolomeo." Nami replied pronto.

Sanji inhaled the piece of scone, his eyes widened as he coughed like mad, trying not to die of suffocation right on Franky's floor.

"Hey, hey, breathe!" Franky said as he patted Sanji's back.

Sanji kept coughing and tearing up as he choked on the sweet, unable to say anything. Bartolomeo was the last person he'd let into the band, that fucking idiot obsessed with Zoro was one of the reasons why they were in that situation, to begin with.

"I knew he'd react like that," Luffy sighed, shaking his head "well, minus the choking part."

"Like fuck–" Sanji wiped away a few tears and cleared his throat "Like fuck I'm letting that fucker into the band!"

"I'm not asking your permission, Sanji! We don't have a choice!" Nami cut him off "You pushed us into this mess, you don't get a say in this!"

"Nami, calm down..." Vivi put a hand on Nami's shoulder.

"I hate him!" Sanji growled, crushing the rest of the scone in his hand "I'd rather die than let him take Zoro's place!"

"None of us wanted this, Sanji." Luffy cut in, making everyone look over at him all of a sudden "But we don't have a choice, not while being in the middle of touring."

Sanji couldn't believe what was happening. They were all probably doing this to get back at him, to make him pay for his mistake.

"This is absurd!" Sanji shook his head.

"Just accept it, Sanji. Hopefully it won't be forever." Nami went on, this time in a calmer tone "Don't you think we'd want Zoro with us, too? He's not just your best friend, he's our friend too."

Sanji bit his lower lip, choking back whatever he wanted to yell out. They knew nothing, they didn't know how Sanji felt, they only thought he was the asshole who had made Zoro quit the band. They knew nothing about what Zoro was to Sanji, or maybe they did but couldn't really acknowledge it.

"Whatever." Sanji murmured, getting up from the chair "I gotta go now." he wasn't going to spend one more minute in that house, they were driving him insane.

"We're rehearsing tomorrow." Nami added, not even trying to make him stay.

"I know the songs." Sanji retorted.

"Come on, Sanji..." Luffy sighed.

Sanji looked into the eyes of Zoro's youngest brother and couldn't say no "I'll come when I finish working."

Luffy nodded, there was a hint of the faintest of smiles on his lips. Ace stared up at Sanji for a while, but didn't smile, nor did he say anything to him. Sanji dusted off his hands from the scone crumbs, apologized softly to Franky for the mess, then moved to get his coat and leave.

So this was what it had all come to, friends barely speaking to him, avoiding his gaze, and Nami taking leadership of something that really didn't belong to her. They were going to let Bartolomeo take Zoro's place just like that, and Sanji couldn't even believe what was actually happening.

He walked up to his car, holding back his tears, because he had definitely cried enough during those days, and climbed inside of it. Sanji stared at the house from behind his windshield, and couldn't help but wonder where Zoro was, and if he was ever going to see him again.

"Fuck..." Sanji rubbed angrily at his stinging eyes.

He missed Zoro already, even if he hated to admit it, and somewhere deep inside him, he was praying that what the guys had told him was true.

Could Zoro really be in love with him? Well even if that was true, Sanji wasn't going to do anything about it. Sanji didn't believe in love and romantic relationships, anyway.

He shook his head, feeling stupid for only even thinking about something so silly, and started the car, pulling it on the road and driving back home.

To Be Continued...