Chapter 17
A/N: Last chapter was followed by yet another huge wait, and I'm really sorry about this but I guess you're getting used to this, aren't you? I don't think the updates will ever be as quick as they used to be at the beginning, I'm starting to work a little lately, and I've got other things that infect me with a bad case of writer's block way too often. I do have things in mind exactly as they are supposed to go in this story, but putting them metaphorically on paper is an entirely different thing. I wanted to reassure all the people who keep asking if I'm ever gonna finish this story... Yes, I will, I do not plan on abandoning it, there are still a few chapters to go, there's still many things to tell, so it might take a while but I will NOT stop writing this story for good. A part of my heart and soul are inside these chapters, it's such an important story for me and I'm gonna see it through.
So thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every one of you who is still following me and this story, who's been leaving reviews on here, who's been messaging me on tumblr (for those who want to reach me over there, my url is marimoyaro, and my writing sideblog is helswriting) you're all beautiful and make me incredibly happy! You're one of the biggest reasons why I keep on doing this! I adore you all!
But enough blabbing now, enjoy this chapter!
Oh... AND MERRY CHRISTMAS/HAPPY HOLYDAYS!
The small kitchen was filled with the strong smell of cigarettes and beer, the light was on while outside the rain drummed insistently against the closed window, the sky as dark as the dead of the night. Zoro was fiddling with the label on the beer bottle, tearing off small pieces as his almost vacant eyes stared at it as he sat by the small table across from Bartolomeo.
"It's not that I ain't flattered," Bartolomeo spoke in an unsure manner "but I never wanted this. I am a fan of you guys, I don't want to take over for you."
Zoro lifted his gaze to look into Barto's distressed eyes "I know." he gave a curt nod and brought a cigarette to his lips, trying not to think about a certain chain-smoker. "But you have my blessing," he said, making air quotes with just one hand "you're the only one fit for the role, at least for now."
Bartolomeo sighed, hanging his head for a moment "I never wanted for this to happen." he muttered, almost whining.
Zoro shrugged "It's not like you did it," he wasn't exactly lying, because Sanji was the one who had flipped because of Bartolomeo and went off sleeping with Ace. Barto wasn't the one to blame. "It happened. I'm kinda sure it was going to happen anyway, sooner or later." he blew smoke out of his lips in a short huff, then flicked ashes into the ashtray.
"Sanji hates my guts." Bartolomeo added after a few moments of silence.
"Yeah, he does." Zoro agreed as he took a swig of beer, his eyes avoiding to make further contact with Barto's.
"He's gonna kill me, first chance he gets." Bartolomeo added, his fangs chewing down on his lower lip.
Zoro rolled his eyes "Don't be fucking dramatic. Just get the job done." he looked back at him "The others will make things easier."
Since The Crows were going to meet at Franky's, Zoro had taken up Kidd's offer to stay at his and his brother's, even though Barto was the only one actually home. He didn't mind, though, as long as he had beer he was just fine, and Bartolomeo still hadn't said anything weird or embarrassing. They had just kind of fallen into a calm conversation, with no strange talk about feelings or anything, it was mostly Bartolomeo being shocked at Zoro and Sanji fighting, and Zoro leaving the band.
The truth was that by that point Zoro didn't care about whatever could have happened, he didn't care about whatever Barto could have told him. Actually he couldn't feel a damn thing, he was empty, completely drained of everything, and for the time being there was nothing that could have been done to change that.
He had both involuntarily and voluntarily slipped into some kind of a self destructive phase, especially when Bartolomeo had pulled out a cigarette from a packet and Zoro had asked for one.
He never really smoked, it was against his healthy principles, (not that drinking insane amounts of booze could actually be considered healthy, but...) he'd only ever smoked a few times in his life, and he had mostly always hated it... But in that very moment the taste and the burning sensation in his throat and lungs felt strangely appealing, if not also appropriate.
The more he ruminated about Nami and the other guys choosing a substitute right away, the more he wanted to suck that deadly smoke inside his body. Zoro knew it was going to happen, hell he had been the first person to say that they needed to keep going, especially during the tour, but it still stung and burnt.
He knew that Bartolomeo was probably the best substitute they could get, since he was a great fan of theirs and knew every and each song by heart, but that was Zoro's duty, his right place in the universe, and he had had to give up on it for other people's stupidity. The good thing was that Bartolomeo had actually repeated over and over that he didn't feel much comfortable in filling in for him, it felt like robbing, and Zoro appreciated it.
"Why don't you rethink this, man?" Bartolomeo's voice brought Zoro back to reality, making him look up at him again.
"Barto, I told you..." Zoro sighed "There's just no way I can rethink this. It's just the way it has to be." he took one last drag before crushing the filter inside the ashtray.
"You're my favorite, man. I..." Barto began stammering, his cheeks rapidly began to flush "I-I just can't think about not seeing you perform ever again, you're just... You're too awesome! I need you to play drums with The Crows again!"
Zoro ground his teeth, his jaw tensing as he squeezed his eyes shut. He wasn't enjoying that situation, he hadn't asked for it, but there was no going back, at least not for a long, long while. "You're not making it any fucking easier for me, do you understand this?" he growled, slamming his fist into the table "I told you a thousand times, I can't do this, no matter how many times you ask. I'm not a Crow anymore. I'm just Zoro."
Bartolomeo had jumped slightly into his seat, startled by Zoro's outburst. He looked down at the table, clearly ashamed for having upset Zoro. "I... I'm sorry, you're right." he swallowed thickly, eyes still glued on the wooden surface "I just don't want you to hate me for taking your place."
Zoro huffed, resting back against the chair "You're fucking unbelievable," Zoro snorted "you gotta stop doing this, it's annoying. Stop being so damn self-conscious or self-hating around me. I'm not some kind of deity, I'm a person." he spewed, unable to contain himself. He couldn't handle anything anymore, he had no patience left.
Bartolomeo's cheeks turned a deep shade of crimson, he cringed at Zoro's words but managed to look up at him "I know you are but..." he hesitated, licking his chapped lips and watching as Zoro drank beer directly from the bottle "You're special to me, even if I definitely ain't for you."
Zoro didn't know how he managed to not inhale his beer, but he did. He kept calm, gulping down a swig and setting the bottle down on the table, he didn't look at Bartolomeo and managed not to belch in such a delicate situation.
"Listen, I... I just don't have it in me. Not anymore, not right now." Zoro started, his hand gripping tightly around the bottle "I can't give you what you want from me, because my heart is just–" he grimaced, swallowing down a nasty feeling in his throat.
Bartolomeo shook his head and raised his hands, his eyes squeezing shut momentarily as he spoke "No, no, look... I know. I always did know," he started "it was hopeless from the start but I tried anyway, probably ending up being annoying as fuck." he let out a nervous chuckle "I know you don't like me, not the way I do like you, at least." he nodded, a small, hollow smile curving his lips.
Zoro looked up at him, at the way he still kept a small smile plastered on his lips and couldn't help but feel like he knew exactly what he was going through. He didn't want to smash the poor guy's heart to pieces, but he couldn't delude him, couldn't let him believe he had an actual shot at winning Zoro's heart, because he barely had one at all, by that point.
"I'm sorry, Barto..." Zoro sighed "It would have probably been a lot easier, if I did return those feelings." he added, not knowing whether those words would have made everything worse or maybe slightly better.
The expression on Bartolomeo's face was unexpectedly serene, his fangs peeking out of his upper lip as he kept on smirking "It would have been easier for me, too." he licked his lips, then sucked in a deep breath before standing up to randomly search around the cabinets and the fridge for something that Zoro couldn't quite figure out.
"Should I leave?" Zoro asked, while looking at the back of Bartolomeo's head. He saw the boy's shoulders tense at those words, and then sag as he stopped his frantic search.
"No," he gulped, then shook his head "no, don't mind me. I'm fine." he quickly glanced back at Zoro from over his shoulder, his hands still idly pulling on the small cabinet knobs "You've got nowhere else to stay, I would never kick you out." then he looked back ahead of him, to keep pretending like he was looking for something, as he added "I didn't randomly start hating you, don't worry. I know how much you love him."
"What?!" Zoro's eyes widened, his hands balling up into fists. So even he knew, but he never held any kind of resentment towards Sanji, nor he had ever stopped loving him, regardless?
"Hey, I'm your biggest fan, remember?" Barto joked as he finally turned around to face Zoro, resting back against the counter "I told you I always knew," he shrugged "I just kept foolishly hoping I could stand even the smallest of chances."
Zoro huffed, hanging his head "Well, I..." he licked his lips, not really knowing what to say or do.
"I should go, I..." Bartolomeo suddenly changed topic "I got a shift at work, I'm pretty sure my brother will be back soon, you just... Make yourself comfortable, alright?"
Zoro's head shot back up, and the deepest of frowns warped his features "I thought you'd worked in the morning?"
Barto's eyes widened "I-I did?! Well, I–"
Zoro threw his head back with a groan "Please, don't be like this, it's your damn house, I'll leave if you feel awkward." he said, standing up from his seat.
"It's just that it's really fucking hard seeing you like this," Barto finally bursted "this is a Zoro I've never seen. You're broken, and you're left with nothing, and I wish I could make it better but I can't, because I'm no one and I'm useless, and I'd just really want to kiss you." he vomited out all those words without even realizing it, and only when Zoro's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets, he knew had definitely said too much. "Look, forget what I said, alright? Forget it. All of it. Especially the last part." he cried out, flailing his arms in embarrassment.
Zoro scrubbed a hand down his face, he could feel the bags underneath his eyes and he hated it, but in that moment, after Barto threw up all his desires towards him, he couldn't really care. He didn't feel comfortable, he couldn't deal with those words, even if Barto had asked him to pretend like he hadn't said them, they still had been poured all over Zoro, like a shower of icy water that had pooled all around him, freezing his brain.
"I can't–" Zoro began, pressing his lips together, then nipping at the inside of the bottom one. The words were simple, but he couldn't get them out.
"I know, I'm an idiot," Barto admitted, nodding his head "I shouldn't have said those things, you cannot take this shit right now." he went on, perfectly finishing Zoro's sentence for him. "Please don't hate me." he ended up pleading, as usual.
Zoro rolled his eyes and stood up "Look, I can't stay here, right now. I need to get some fresh air."
Barto's eyes filled up with fear right away, clearly regretting the poor decision his brain had made on impulse "I won't jump you, or anything..." he blurted out, then grimaced, realizing how awfully he was worsening his situation.
Zoro waved both hands in front of him "Don't add any more gasoline to the fire, alright?" he huffed "I need some space, I'll be back whenever I feel like." With those final words he sprinted out of the kitchen and towards the front door, making sure to pick his coat up from the rack on his way out, and ignoring Barto's pleas in the background as he left the house.
The moment he was out of the apartment Zoro gasped for air, as if he had been stuck underwater for several minutes, then kept climbing down the stairs as if he was running away from a monster, his breath ragged as he kept running until he was a good three blocks away from Kidd and Barto's place, and stopped only when he felt somewhat safe.
He had known all along what were Bartolomeo's feelings for him, or at least he had imagined them, but hearing him out was a whole different story. Zoro felt a grip to his heart and stomach, and his throat closing up as he thought about how much he needed to hear those words spilling from a different mouth, one that tasted like nicotine and booze way too often, one that spewed profanities more than kind words, especially towards him.
Zoro was going insane, the more time passed the more he realized it, and it was horrifying. He never thought that Sanji could have that kind of power over him and he hated it, he hated it with every fiber and cell of his body, but the worst thing was that no matter what had happened, he couldn't bring himself to loathe Sanji just as much.
Bartolomeo was right, he was broken and he had lost pretty much everything, even if he still had troubles realizing it, or at least he was doing a very good job at forgetting about it. Zoro didn't want to be broken, miserable and be left with nothing, he still had his little brother, his parents and his friends... But it was still too soon to see them again, and he had no idea when the time was going to be right again.
Zoro sucked in a shaky breath, he wasn't going to cry or vomit in the middle of the streets, but he did need to at least have a seat, so he walked another block to reach a small park and find himself a bench to rest on. He was most definitely lost, by then, but he couldn't care less, he needed to be alone even if it probably wasn't a good idea to be alone with his mind, he couldn't think straight in that moment and he could have ended up doing something he would regret.
His phone began to buzz, as if it wanted to save him from himself, distracting him from any kind of poisonous thought, Zoro furrowed his eyebrows and reached into the pocket of his coat to fish out his cellphone. When he peeked at the screen he saw Luffy's toothy grin beaming back at him, and his heart tightened – was his little brother psychic? Either way Zoro decided to pick up, Luffy's voice was all he could stand to hear in that moment.
"Hey..." Zoro answered.
"Zoro! Hi! Are you alright? Where are you? Not out getting drunk, I hope! Are you eating alright? Pooping?" Luffy's voice was thick with apprehension, but it made Zoro chuckle ever so softly.
"I'm okay, yeah. I'm in a park, sober. I think I ate something earlier and... I don't remember if I pooped this morning." Zoro answered, a soft smile curling his lips.
"You have to eat more and better, so you can poop just fine! It'll make you feel healthier!" Luffy went on, and Zoro snorted, shaking his head because of his little brother's obsession with poop.
"Alright, I will," Zoro replied with a nod of his head "how are you?"
"I'm good, but I miss you. We had our first band meeting without you, and it sucked. It just isn't the same." Luffy sighed.
Zoro knew he was going to bring up the band, so he was able not to let it affect him and worsen his current condition. He always knew what to expect from Luffy.
"Sorry about that." was all Zoro could say, he wasn't going to lie to his brother about coming back.
"We had to ask Barto to fill in your position, you should have seen Sanji's face." Luffy went on, and Zoro felt like a blade had just been embedded between his lungs, knocking the wind out of him.
"You made the right decision." Zoro said in a slightly broken voice. Fuck, he hated having to feel like that anytime Sanji was brought up.
"It was the only option. We'd all rather have you back."
Zoro rolled his eyes "I'm sure not everyone feels like that."
"And I'm pretty sure of the contrary." Luffy insisted.
"Well, that can't be done, and you know that." Zoro reminded him.
"I know. And it blows." there was a brief pause, then Luffy went on "I miss you."
Zoro shut his eyes, feeling guilty for leaving Luffy "Me too."
"Where have you been?"
"At Kidd and Barto's." Zoro had no need to lie, nor to keep anything from Luffy, he knew he could trust him.
"Oh... I didn't think you would." Luffy admitted, sounding surprised.
"Well, I couldn't stay at Franky's if you had a meeting, could I?" Zoro explained, rubbing the back of his neck, his gaze getting caught by the sight of two pigeons fighting over a piece of bread.
"No, of course not." Luffy agreed "Are you gonna get with Barto?"
Zoro choked on his own saliva and coughed hard enough to scare both birds away, and render him unable to answer.
"Maybe it'd make you forget about Sanji. Barto would treat you right."
"Shut up, Luffy!" Zoro growled "I'm not into rebounds." he shook his head. How could Luffy even think that? God.
"I'm just trying to help." Luffy said casually.
"I gotta go now."
"Come on, Zoro!"
"I'll call you back."
"Jeez. Bye!"
"Bye."
Zoro ended the call and quickly pushed the phone back into his pocket, as if the device had personally offended him and making it disappear from his sight made things easier.
Luffy seriously knew no boundaries most of the times, there weren't enough lines he dared not to cross, and of course he'd go and suggest Zoro to find a new sentimental interest, as if feelings could change overnight. Luffy clearly had no idea about how this kind of things actually worked, and Zoro wasn't one to randomly fall for the first pair of nice words and pat on the shoulder.
Bartolomeo might have been a sweet and nice guy, but what had built up over the years inside of Zoro's chest wasn't exactly something that could be wiped out in a matter of minutes. Plus, things like that took time and such a large amount of other things that it was absolutely impossible for Zoro to stop loving Sanji and suddenly feel something for Bartolomeo. It was out of question.
Yes, maybe Zoro would have enjoyed some comfort of any sorts, but he didn't have it in him, he wasn't going to fall into the first pair of arms that were willing to hold him, nor give in to the first mouth that wanted to console him. Zoro was different, and even if the events had proven to be harder than he had ever thought, he liked to think that he was stronger than that, that he didn't need anyone else but his own self. He couldn't betray himself, could he? At least he hoped so.
He shook his head, simultaneously trying to rid himself of everything going on in his head and thought that he really needed to go back to Franky's – thankfully he had left all his stuff locked up in the guest room he'd been staying in, he could text Bartolomeo later to tell him he wasn't coming back, at least until rehearsals were going to happen. He had a whole night and morning ahead to clear up his mind, Franky was definitely going to help him think straight.
He stood up, hands firmly shoved into the pockets of his coat and eyes scrutinizing his surroundings... Of course he had no idea where he was, but he was positive that one way or another he was going to find his way back to Franky's house.
Hopefully.
–
Sanji had always found the phrase 'being in a dark place' kind of funny, or weird at least, because people always stated it as a temporary condition, something they could eventually manage to crawl out from, while Sanji had been there his entire life. Since when his mother had died, the dark place had swallowed him and he had been unable to escape it, so he had learned to dwell it, and make a home in it.
Sanji's dark place, though, has always had a few crack in the walls, where the light was actually able to filter through and slightly brighten the constant darkness. The biggest crack had a name on it, a name that started with Z and ended with an O, it was such a huge crack that at times it made Sanji think that the darkness had left him for good. That crack had collapsed against the rest of the wall, now, shutting out the light and taking the rest of the cracks along with it, bringing total darkness back and leaving Sanji blind and gasping for air.
He didn't want that, though, Sanji wanted to be angry and insensitive to his surroundings, but he couldn't, the crack had sealed up but a huge wound had sliced up his heart and there was no stitching it.
And so he bled.
The fever was gone, but Sanji's heart was bleeding so profusely that he was surprised he could still manage to stand upright and breathe.
Down at Baratie he worked like a machine, with no passion, just mechanical precision and diligence, only because he needed to function if he still wanted to keep his job, but his father didn't like it, he didn't want a sous-chef whose cooking didn't come from the heart and so he was suspended.
What enveloped Sanji was no longer darkness, it was a black hole, something that had trapped him and could only bring suffering and despair, someplace that Sanji couldn't escape.
"How could you do this to me?! I'm the best fucking cook you got in that shitty restaurant!" Sanji roared, kicking one of the kitchen chairs so hard that one of the wooden legs snapped.
"I am the best fucking cook in that shitty restaurant!" Zeff retorted, yelling just as loud as his son.
"You know that my job was all I had left and you took that from me, too! You shitty bastard!" Sanji shouted at the top of his lungs, he could almost taste blood in his mouth from how loud he was being.
"Well I don't want it to be the only thing you have left, you fucking stupid Eggplant!" Zeff slammed one of his big hands on the counter, and made it shake as strong as a quake.
"Well I don't fucking car–" Sanji hadn't realized what had been uttered until his brain had eventually processed it, so he stopped yelling and his eyes widened "Wait, what?" he asked in a softer voice, blinking in his bewilderment.
Zeff shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, his fingers pressing against his tired lids. "I might be an asshole, but I'm not heartless and I love my son."
Sanji kept staring at his father in what could only be classified as pure shock, unable to move or speak as he tried to figure out what was going on.
Zeff opened his eyes again and spread his arms "I need you to find your passion again, I wanna see the fire of determination in your eyes, I wanna... See you cook certain things in a hurry because you wanna go to band practice, I want you to–" he paused, hanging his head in sign of weakness. "I want you to stay out at night because you're spending it over at Zoro's, I want you to be happy." he continued, his gaze rooted to the floor, unable to look at his son.
Sanji couldn't believe his eyes nor his ears, he had to hold onto the table with both hands to stand still "Who are you, and what did you do to the old fart?" he said in a trembling voice, still somehow able to make the stupidest joke of all times. Never in his life Sanji had heard Zeff say anything like that, nor he had ever seen him break like that in front of him, after all those years.
Zeff lifted up his head and slowly shook it "Shut up!" he groaned "I wasn't there for you when you were a kid, so I wanna be here with you now. Is it too late? Is it a crime?"
Sanji's eyebrows furrowed. He didn't know how to react, because part of him wanted to yell that yes, it was way too late to repent now, to try and act like a father, because Mihawk and Shanks had been more helpful than Zeff could ever have been. Another side of him, though, wanted to break down and cry, because Zeff was all he had left in that ugly life and he really needed all the support he could get, even if it might have felt weird.
"Either way, you're in no condition to work, you're absent and when you ain't completely apathetic you're more aggressive than usual," Zeff went on when Sanji didn't say anything, regaining his composure and authority "I can't afford to have someone who cannot do their job properly in my kitchen." he cleared his throat and gave a brief shrug.
"It is fucking late, you shitty geezer." Sanji finally spoke, and Zeff's eyes widened "But... You're still my father, and the only one who actually fucking listened to me." he said in a shaky voice, so he tried clearing his throat to no avail "I... How can you leave me without a job? I need the money!" Sanji suddenly cried, anger taking over again. Zeff's parenting sucked, and his decision was the opposite thing he should have done to try and repent.
"Then fight for it. Fight to get back the money, fight to make your dream come true, prove me wrong. Prove me that you can be the professional singer you wanna be." Zeff replied, without losing his temper.
Sanji huffed, shaking his head. Was the shitty geezer kidding him? He wanted him go be a professional singer? "Oh, gimme a break! You always tried to keep me from becoming a musician! You never gave a fuck! What are you trying to do, here? This isn't one of these stupid ass television shows where families make up and live happily ever after!" he snarled, venomous. The last thing he needed was Zeff being a deceitful asshole.
"That was because I wanted you to work in addition to following your dream, but you wouldn't fucking listen!" Zeff growled "You wanted to sing and do nothing else, but that's not how it works. You need a job to live until singing will pay the bills, and you've always only paid attention if I was hard on you, you stupid Eggplant." he sucked up a big, shaky breath once he was done speaking, and took a seat on the nearest chair – one that Sanji hadn't broken.
Sanji just stood there, dumbfounded, maybe even kind of numb. He seriously couldn't tell anymore whether he was living his reality or if he had been sucked into a parallel universe. Everything sounded so absurd, or better, it sounded too simple and obvious to be actually true and he just couldn't buy it.
"I know what it feels like to lose your entire world," Zeff went on, his tone was so much softer and nostalgic now, and Sanji knew right away what he was talking about. "I didn't fight back, for too long, and it was the worst thing I could have ever done." Zeff stared at his son long and hard.
Sanji felt a jolt running up his spine, he knew that he was saying he should have fought against the sorrow for his wife's death. It was clear now that Zeff was regretting not taking care of Sanji as much as he should have and he was definitely trying to tell his son that he shouldn't have done anything like that, either.
"But we're all allowed to grieve, we can't just pretend like nothing happened, we ca–" Sanji started fumbling with his words, but Zeff cut him right off with a head shake and a raised hand.
"Of course we are, but we cannot let it consume us completely." Zeff explained "I'd do anything I could to turn back time and do the right thing with you, my son."
Sanji could feel his eyes on the verge of overflowing with tears, but he still didn't want to give in to shameless weeping. He could barely believe what was happening, because it sounded like one of those moments in movies where father and son made up after years of incomprehension, and Sanji was too disenchanted for that kind of crap.
"Shut up..." Sanji growled lowly, feeling like a tennis ball was stuck in the back of his throat, barely allowing him to speak up "I told you, this ain't a goddamned TV Show." he repeated, his voice broken, but his eyes still weren't leaking.
Zeff sighed, hanging his head for a moment "You don't believe me, but I saw this coming." he confessed, a weak, hollow smile tugging at the corners of his lips "But I just need you to promise me that you'll fight, because giving in completely to this situation will annihilate you." his tone of voice was definitely that of someone who knew what he was talking about.
Sanji shrugged "I got nothing to fight for, it's all over 'cause I screwed up too much." Sanji's voice cracked again, so he tried to clear his throat.
"If you give up now that you still got time to repent, that's when you truly have fucked up beyond redemption." Zeff insisted, jabbing his forefinger in Sanji's direction "I know that, for a fact."
Sanji tried to inhale deeply but a sob escaped his lips, just like a few straight tears betrayed his control and he quickly wiped them off. "I don't know where he is, and I won't probably see him ever again." he finally caved in and spoke about Zoro, the tears suddenly impossible to control.
A soft smile appeared on Zeff's lips as he shook his head "Don't be stupid, he has a family here, and I'm sure he won't be able to stay away for long. Not even from your friends." he tried to reassure his son.
"Yeah, whatever." Sanji sobbed and rubbed at his eyes, his face felt on fire and his head was pounding in a slight yet unbearable way.
"You got rehearsals?" Zeff asked. Sanji couldn't speak and just nodded between ragged breaths. "I'll leave you alone, then. Eat something, before you go." he turned around and disappeared from the kitchen in order to leave the house to go to work.
Sanji, on his part, was left alone as he wept and just collapsed on his hunches as all the sorrow poured out of him. He still couldn't figure out the effect that Zeff's bomb had had on him, but hoped that bawling his eyes out wasn't going to leave him voiceless.
Throughout the morning and afternoon, Sanji was alone in the house, he had stopped crying when his eyes had practically ran out of tears, and his head was killing him. He popped an aspirin, just in case, and proceeded to clean his entire bedroom just to do something, and keep his mind too busy to let his thoughts run wild and dangerous once again.
At no point he actually got hungry, but decided that he needed to prove Zeff (and himself, too) that he could still cook with passion, or at least try to. He didn't make anything too fancy or complex, a Caesar Salad with a few extra ingredients worked just fine, especially when he could make his own creamy sauce for the dressing, and the fridge had just been recently stoked with the freshest of produce.
The way he cooked was still mechanical, he knew all the steps he needed to do by heart, and his mind ended up traveling to awful places once again. Sanji was trying to hold on to the good things that Zeff had said to him, to his advice and everything, but it had all lasted for a brief while, because at the end of the day Sanji still had nothing positive to look forward to. There was no going back to have Zoro as a best friend, no going back to how Murder Of Crows was supposed to be, and all too quickly Sanji had slipped back to the black pit of despair he had momentarily crawled out of.
Sanji sat by the kitchen table, idly staring at the bowl of Caesar Salad placed in front of him, but he couldn't really see it. There was a sense of nausea gnawing away at Sanji's stomach but he didn't really feel like throwing up, it was more like a squeeze or a nasty grip to the pit of his stomach. His throat was knotting up, and all of a sudden it dawned on him like a slap across the face: he missed Zoro. He missed Zoro so much that it made him physically ill, and he had no idea how to deal with it, how to overcome it. Sanji was going to have to rehearse without Zoro for the first time and the thought simply horrified him.
An arrogant buzzing unexpectedly growled against the wooden surface of the kitchen table, startling Sanji so bad that he slapped it right away, making it tumble to the floor.
"Oh, shit!" Sanji's words came out suffocated, but he immediately reached down to pick the vibrating phone back up "Fuck!" he growled at the small crack on the screen. Great, now he was going to have to pay for the replacement. Whose number was blaring underneath the crack, anyway? Sanji's eyebrows furrowed and he reluctantly swiped his finger across the screen to pick up.
"Hello?"
"Blackleg?" an hoarse voice called from the other end of the phone, making Sanji scowl even more.
"Who the hell are you?"
"It's Eustass. Kidd."
Now Sanji's eyebrows couldn't help but shoot up almost past his hairline.
"Who the fuck gave you my number?!"
"Your keyboardist? Chill, man."
"Don't you fucking tell me to chill!" Sanji nearly roared into the phone's mic, probably screaming Kidd's ear off.
"Fuck! Alright! Jesus..."
"What do you want from me?" Sanji growled.
Why the hell would Nami give Eustass his number? Zoro was usually the one who spoke to him, why did she have to be so unreasonably horrible?
"We're gonna have rehearsals together, at our studio."
Sanji nearly dropped his phone. What the fuck was happening? What was with all those damn changes? Wasn't losing Zoro and replacing him with the fucking Bartolomonster enough of a change?
"Why the fuck is that? Why no one asked if I was on board with this?" he snarled, getting more and more ticked off.
"Because I want you to sing with me on stage. We need to rehearse in order to do that."
Sanji's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.
"Why would you just fucking assume that I'd want to do that? This is insane! You all got no respect for me!" Sanji was practically yelling by that point.
"Will you stop screaming into my ear? Shit, you're gonna bust my eardrum or something!"
"Fuck you!" Sanji shouted once again before hanging up.
He slammed the cell upon the table – it was already broken after all, wasn't it? – then ran his fingers through his blond hair as he wheezed, his entire body shaking with rage. Everyone and everything was turning against him, he knew he had made a mistake but everyone was taking punishment way too far.
Was he overreacting? Probably. Did he care? Not even one teeny tiny bit. Sanji couldn't stand the way in which everyone was trying to somehow take the leadership of his band, no one consulted him anymore and it was only causing him a deeper heartache. Sanji knew he hadn't really been himself, lately, but he was still one of the founders of the band and he had a right to discuss decisions with the others, they couldn't come up with random shit and expect him to just lower his head and accept.
The salad was still sitting in front of him, untouched, even if the bowl had shifted to the left when Sanji had slammed the phone onto the table the way he had. The awful feeling to his stomach was still there but he hadn't noticed that the phone call had actually stirred his thoughts to something else that made him forget about the pain he was feeling and had just spiked up his fighting instincts. He wasn't aching for Zoro at the moment, but he was angry that someone was trying to harm their creation, thing that in a way was slightly healthier.
Sanji didn't really have much time to realize what was going on with him, because the phone started buzzing again and the singer picked it up with a growl. The same unsaved number from earlier was lighting up the screen, Eustass wasn't going to give up, apparently.
"What do you want?" Sanji growled into the phone.
"Don't you fucking dare hang up on me again, you hear me?!" Kidd barked, clearly pissed off. Of course Sanji expected nothing less.
"Or what?" Sanji arched an eyebrow, challenge dripping from his lips.
"Did you forget who's the singer of the more famous band? The band that is actually sponsoring you around the country?"
Shit. Sanji hadn't thought about that. He might have been as furious as he wanted, but jeopardizing the future of the band the way he did was awful. He couldn't do that, not to himself, not to anyone else so he sucked in a deep breath and tried to stay calm.
"I don't like being threatened." Sanji stated in a quieter tone of voice.
"Then don't act like an asshole." Eustass replied.
"I also hate having your brother in my fucking band." Sanji knew he probably shouldn't have said that, but he had seen how much Bartolomeo got on his own brother's nerves, too.
"I know that perfectly, but it really ain't my fault." Kidd's voice was starting to sound calmer and if Sanji really had to stretch reality, he was probably trying to be friendly.
"So... What was the thing you wanted to tell me?" Sanji asked in an attempt to sound as casual as possible.
"I want you to sing with me on stage. You know, make fans understand more that we're seriously collaborating. It could help both our bands."
Sanji frowned, not entirely sure about the whole thing, it sounded kind of forced but he wanted to at least try and believe him.
"Yeah, you think?" he shrugged, though Kidd couldn't see him.
"Yeah." there was a brief pause, but Sanji didn't try to break the silence as he waited for Eustass to go on "We're adding a Motionless In White cover to our setlist, would you like to join us for the chorus?"
Sanji's eyebrow quirked at such a polite and well posed question. That sounded so much like there was something unsaid underneath, but he didn't want to investigate any further.
"Alright, yeah... Which one?" Sanji simply asked.
"Death March." Kidd stated, without too many extra words.
Sanji wasn't that much of a Motionless In White fan, he remembered fucking Zoro saying something about the bassist being hot, but other than that he had maybe listened to a couple songs but that was it. He was definitely going to look them up online as soon as Kidd was finally going to leave him alone.
"Okay?" Sanji replied, simply not knowing what else he could have added to his answer.
"Alright, then I'll see you later this evening. Try to memorize the song a little, yeah? I'll text you the address."
"Sure. Bye." Sanji gave a curt nod and ended the call while Kidd was probably still speaking to him.
The singer thought that for a day he'd already had too much human interaction, but he couldn't really miss rehearsals when he was on lead vocals. Sanji sucked in a deep breath, he still hadn't noticed that the phone call had lightened his heart a little, and he probably was never going to. He typed up the title of the song and the name of the band and clicked on the first YouTube lyrics video he could find of the song.
The sound wasn't bad, not at all, definitely in the style of Freakshow so he could perfectly see why they would cover one of their songs. It was dark, industrial like sounding and the theme so far was pretty horror based, still something very much in the style of Freakshow. When the chorus came up, Sanji's eyebrows knitted together, because it felt so much like Chris Motionless was singing about him.
'I indulge the hypocrisy and I devour the pain.
I give into the ecstasy but the cold dark remains.
I control my own destiny and I won't suffer in vain,
My enemy will not be the end of me, no no.'
Sanji briefly shook his head, then went on listening as he read the lyrics on the cracked screen. He took for granted that Kidd would have sung alone the rest of the song, since the most melodic part was the chorus, while the stanzas were more of the industrial kind of singing. Still there was another part that caught Sanji's attention, and he really couldn't help but think that there might have been a specific reason behind Kidd's request of singing that particular song together.
'All is fair in love and war,
I'm still rotten to the core
So won't somebody start this shit?
Fuck 'em all, I'm over it.'
Sanji let the rest of the song play in the background as he stared into the nothingness. If Eustass had done it on purpose, then Sanji didn't know whether to be mad or grateful. Singing something like that was something that Sanji found extremely therapeutic, but at the same time he feared it might have had a bad effect on him – it might have just convinced him more of how completely damaged he was, and how much his mess was unclenable.
Sanji let the YouTube app open in the background, and tapped on Eustass's number to text him two simple words.
'Cool song'
Then after he pressed send he went back to replay the video from the beginning. He was most likely going to spend the rest of the afternoon like that.
–
Out in the chilly air of the evening, darkness prevailing over the yellowish glow of the streetlights, Sanji still had the lyrics of Death March echoing in the back of his mind and keeping him company as he left his parked car a block away from the address that Eustass had provided him with. The neighborhood was unfamiliar, it was a part of the city that Sanji had never really seen and he wondered if it was maybe near any of Freakshow's member houses.
Sanji tried not to slip over the the fallen leaves soaked in rain as he crossed the street and reached the black and red door with the a neon lighy sign towering above. 'Baroque Records' were the two words that Sanji read in bright crimson, and that's when he knew that that place was actually a lot more important than he thought... Was it really the headquarters of the music label or just a branch? He had no idea, but he was seriously shitting his pants, now.
He hoped to his good star that he hadn't arrived too late, the last thing he wanted was making an awful, sloppy impression on the agency, but at the same time he didn't feel good about it, because he just couldn't help but thinking about Zoro being there with him too. Well the idiot had decided to give everything up on his own, after all, Sanji couldn't take the entire blame if Zoro had decided not to be there. Or at least that was what Sanji told himself to try and feel less horrible about the whole situation.
Hesitant fingers laid on the black, shiny push bar, Sanji's unsure eyes wandered on the blacked-out window of the door which suggested that even though he couldn't see past it everyone was probably able to see him standing like a dummy in front of the door of the studio. He took in a sharp breath and finally pushed the door open to find himself immediately swallowed into a room way brighter than he'd expected, especially given the dark grey walls.
There were two heavily tattooed girls behind the reception desk, and while one of them was simultaneously engaged in a phone conversation and a search on her MAC, the other was cashing in from a group of four long haired people, all dressed in leather.
"See ya next week, guys!" the receptionist waved them goodbye and the group of people responded to her with a less cheerful tone, and strutted past Sanji bumping a guitar and a bass case slightly into him on their way out.
"Assholes." Sanji gritted his teeth and walked up to the desk.
The receptionist smiled at him, and he could spot a smiley piercing hanging from behind her purple tinted upper lip "Welcome to the Baroque Records rehearsal studios. Can I help you?"
Sanji's knees weakened at that gorgeous smile, he watched as she tucked a purple strand of hair behind her ear to reveal a stretched lobe. She looked otherworldly in her unnatural beauty, and Sanji completely forgotten what he was doing there for a while. How could such stunning people even exist?
"Sir?" the girl repeated, raising her clearly drawn on eyebrows at Sanji.
"O-oh..." Sanji blinked and cleared his throat "Please, don't call me sir!" he chuckled nervously "Would you join me for din–" he shook his head and nearly slapped himself across his stupid face "I-I mean, I'm Sanji Blackleg. I think my band's already here for rehearsals?"
The girl laughed softly at Sanji's words, but didn't lose her cool at all. "You're the lead singer of Murder Of Crows, right? Freakshow's guests for tonight's session?"
Sanji blinked a few times "Yeah!" he nodded "Yeah, that's me!"
"Then yes, they're already here." she confirmed with a curt nod.
"Shit..." Sanji hung his head in shame. Was he seriously so damn late?
"They got here ten minutes ago, don't worry." the girl cheered him up, and Sanji raised his head again "Room 5." she winked, then pointed out the hallway to him.
"Oh, thank you so much! You're a real angel!" Sanji thanked her before taking off in the direction of the studio.
"Oh and, just so you know–" the girl paused to allow Sanji to turn around and look at her "I'd come to dinner with you." she smirked.
Sanji turned a bright shade of pink and nearly ran into the wall before resuming his running towards room number five. That wasn't exactly a first, but normally Sanji didn't attract female attentions as much as the male crowd, so when it did happen it made him slightly uncomfortable, for some reasons.
When he finally reached the black door with a gold number five painted on top, he could hear the faint sound of Bonney's electric guitar shredding, as if she was quickly practicing a solo. Sanji knocked as hard as he could to be heard from over the music, and a few moments after the door swung open and Usopp's smile greeted him.
"Hey, you made it! We were starting to worry!" Usopp said as he stepped aside to let him in.
Sanji snorted "Yeah, right." he muttered as he stepped in and found everyone staring at him, and more or less everyone smiled as they greeted him. "Hi, sorry I'm late." he said as he stuck his right hand in the pocket of his coat and waved the other in greeting.
"Nah, it's okay, we only just got here." Nami nodded as she stood up to loop her arms around his neck to whisper in his ear "Sorry for lashing out on you the way I did."
Sanji froze in his position for many reasons, and the biggest one was Nami apologizing to him like that. He felt his heart swelling with gratitude, because he seriously couldn't take being harassed by everyone anymore "I-it's fine." he mumbled, his arms stayed still along his sides but his hands balled up into fists.
"I mean, I'm still furious for what happened," Nami said as she pulled back "but I shouldn't have been so horrible." she shrugged.
Sanji nodded "Well, I'm furious at myself too, so welcome to the club." he said with a small, hollow smile, before taking a look at the people around the room.
Everyone was there, Franky was helping Bartolomeo set up the drumkit, Ace was thoroughly avoiding eye contact as he changed the strings of his guitar, Luffy took a break from gushing over Law and his beautiful bass guitar to greet Sanji with a wave of his hand, while Law looked on the verge of strangling the young boy, Vivi was sitting next to Perona... Wait a minute. Perona?! The Gothic Lolita stood up, her delicate features warped with anger as she stomped across the room to slam her small fists into Sanji's chest.
"Where the hell is Zoro?!" Perona roared, her high pitch long forgotten in a moment of pure rage.
Sanji widened his eyes "What the fuck are you doing here?!" he asked, completely taken aback.
"Don't you dare dodge my question! You're the reason why Zoro isn't here anymore! You and his stupid older brother!" Perona shouted at him, but pointed back at Ace, too.
"C'mon babe, give him a break." Bonney sighed, her expression was that of someone who had endured Perona's yelling for way too long.
"Like hell I am!" Perona insisted "How can you allow this? I don't wanna see Bartolomeo the idiot drumming in Zoro's place!"
"Hey! I'm standing right here!" Bartolomeo growled, but immediately looked away and crouched down by the drums as Sanji met his gaze.
"Perona, knock it off, your girlfriend is right." Kidd cut in, roughly.
Sanji furrowed his eyebrows. Either he had forgotten about Perona and Bonney dating, or he hadn't gotten the memo at all. Beside the moment of confusion, his stomach twisted uncomfortably at those aggressive words. He didn't like that situation at all, and didn't want to be constantly reminded of what had happened, especially not right before band practice.
"I like having Barto play drums instead of Zoro as much as you do, to be honest. But Zoro decided to quit, and there isn't much I can do about it." Sanji said in a monotone.
"Alright, can we knock it off?" Nami chimed in "We have work to do, so let's get to it."
Perona's cheeks inflated with the air she was gonna use to scream at Sanji, but she just turned around and stormed back to sit on the bench next to Vivi.
Sanji shook his head slowly and briefly as he watched Perona walk away from him, then returned to gaze into Nami's eyes with gratitude, she nodded a couple times without giving too much importance to what she did, then resumed her position behind the synth to finish setting it up properly for the evening.
Sanji stood rooted to the spot he had found himself in, his eyes wandering around the room as he watched everyone being busy with whatever they were doing to get their gear ready for rehearsals, and he suddenly felt like he didn't belong there. He felt out of place and lonely, like a burden that his friends had only carried along to do him a favor even though they really didn't have a use for him.
He was replaceable. That was the ugly truth. Just like in the blink of an eye they had replaced Zoro on the drums they could easily find someone to sing instead of him, to make their fame and fortune out of an idea that once belonged to two dreamer boys. They could have just ripped Murder Of Crows' very core, replacing vital parts of it that didn't work as they wanted with more obedient, fresher ones. He and Zoro didn't mean much more any longer... After all they had brought all of that to themselves, hadn't they?
A heavy, large palm set on Sanji's shoulder, squeezing just as much as it needed to get the blond's attention. Sanji jumped slightly at the contact, then turned his head to see whose hand was it, and was somehow surprised to find Kidd standing next to him with a mild look of concern painted over his features.
"What?" Sanji asked in a brisk tone.
Kidd scowled down at the other man "Well, I was wondering if you were having a stroke or something..." he replied.
Sanji scoffed "Please, I was just spacing out." he rolled his eyes "That never happen to you?" he answered, trying to control his breathing and agitation. The thoughts that had just been swarming through his head were already taking their toll on him, and it wasn't good.
"Yeah, but I was just making sure you were still with us." Kidd shrugged, not fazed at all by Sanji's words. "Wanna try out Death March first? My band already knows it."
Sanji swallowed thickly, he didn't know if he was ready to go right away, he hadn't even warmed up his voice and was still feeling too shaken to do anything.
"Sure." Sanji answered with a single-shouldered shrug, lying through his teeth. He couldn't really decline, not while being a guest during their rehearsals, not when they had been so nice to them, he needed to swallow down whatever was eating him up. "Just... Don't expect me to be perfect, I still have to warm up my windpipes." he smirked slightly.
Kidd snorted, a small head shake following right after "This isn't a contest, we're here to practice. Take it easy."
The large hand from before was clapped down onto Sanji's shoulder, and he was forced to curl his lips into a smile. He could do that, he only had some parts of the song to sing out, not the entire thing, Sanji could definitely manage, even if his voice wasn't going to be perfect at the beginning.
"Hey Sanji."
The very well known and recognizable voice made Sanji's head turn right away as he saw Luffy approach him with a relaxed expression on his face.
"Hey." Sanji kind of greeted him, this time, as he stuffed both hands inside the pocket of his coat he actually remembered he should have taken it off.
"You doing okay?" Luffy asked in a casual tone.
Sanji frowned his lips and shrugged his shoulders as he peeled the coat off of him "I guess," he answered simply "you?" he didn't know exactly where Luffy was going with those questions, because Sanji knew all too well how protective of Zoro he was, thought he hoped he was just genuinely concerned or at least interested in him.
"I'm fine, yeah." Luffy nodded, then reached out a hand to give Sanji's arm a squeeze before grinning "Now go, show them what our singer is capable of."
Sanji's eyebrows shot up, as he was utterly taken aback from such words. He couldn't understand why Luffy would say that, nor why he'd be so incredibly kind to him, especially after everything that had happened, and it nearly pushed him to the brink of tears.
"You bet." was all that Sanji could manage to say in a somewhat strangled voice. Great, being emotional as fuck was definitely all he needed before singing, now he was sure to royally fuck up all his parts.
Luffy responded to those two words with an even bigger grin, then moved to take a seat on the floor next to Usopp.
Sanji kept still once again, as the people in the room all moved around to take their positions, and he was just standing there not really knowing what was going on with him and everyone else. He was way too sure about the fact that he was an emotional wreck, the smallest thing could shake him from his very core, one minute he wanted to die and the other he was about to tear up from how moving Luffy's words had been, and then a simple pat on his shoulder could infuriate him. By that point, he was clueless as to how he was supposed to deal with anything at all.
"Blackleg, you really need to wake up, man." Law huffed in his direction "Are you gonna hang that coat or you plan on holding it all night?"
Sanji snapped back to reality and glared over at Law, who was standing in the furthest corner of the room, bass in hands and ready to start, just like the rest of the band. The blond moved to hang the coat on the already full rack, he recognized Usopp's coat and hung it over it before cracking his neck and fingers, then finally made his way to the mic stand that had been set beside Kidd's.
"Alright, on three." Bonney called out before slowly yet rhythmically counting up to three, and at the exact moment the music started.
–
A key slipped slowly into the lock, turning just enough for the heavy front door to click open, the warmth of the house contrasted right away with the harsh cold of the outside, making Zoro's breath puff up into a small cloud of steam. The voices of his parents reached his ears right away, he couldn't quite make out what they were talking about, yet, but no matter what... Zoro had missed hearing those voices.
Again, Zoro could feel the bags underneath his eyes, they nearly felt heavy as the drummer massaged them slightly, right before stepping inside the house and swinging the door shut, trying to be as quiet as possible. Not that it mattered, of course, because as soon as the door was closed Shanks and Mihawk both appeared on the threshold of the kitchen, a glass of wine in hand and a stern look on their faces.
"Hey." Zoro decided to be the one to break the ice, if he didn't want the men to both just stare him to death. He dropped his bag on the floor and moved to hang his coat on the rack.
"I didn't fire you just because Luffy pleaded me not to." Mihawk started.
There it was. Now Zoro really didn't feel like turning around. His back stiffened as he took his sweet time to check for whatever he might have forgotten into the pockets of the coat, refusing to directly face Mihawk.
"I'll thank him, then." Zoro grumbled. That wasn't what he wanted to go back home to, but he would have lied if he said that he hadn't seen that coming.
"Couldn't you at least have called?" Shanks sighed.
Zoro turned around and ran his thick fingers through his green mohawk "I had told you that I needed a break. I just couldn't come home, nor call."
"So you just decided to ignore your duties." Mihawk went on, sipping on his red wine.
Zoro rolled his eyes "I'm sorry, alright? I never let you down, I've always worked my ass off and just this once I need a break. Am I allowed to get one?"
Mihawk's yellow eyes pierced through Zoro's very soul in that very odd way that made him feel uncomfortably exposed, and kept quiet.
Zoro hung his head in defeat, failing to find the right words to use to make his parents understand what he was going through and what he needed. He had lost his job at the gym, already, and didn't know if he was going to be able to get it back, but he was pretty sure Mihawk wouldn't have been happy to know about any of that.
"Where the hell have you been? Were you safe, at least?" Shanks asked, dropping the stern father role to let his worry take over.
Zoro lifted his head just enough to let Shanks know he was nodding, but didn't look up "I've been at Franky's, mostly." he explained, then picked up the bag from the floor "I'm gonna go upstairs, I..."
"Are you planning on running away again?" Mihawk stepped in again.
This time Zoro looked right into his father's eyes, eyebrows furrowing above upset dark eyes. "I can't stay in the same house as Ace. Not at the moment."
"Well he's your brother, he lives here." Mihawk insisted.
"He's my brother only when it's fitting for him!" Zoro suddenly spat out, hands balling into fists as anger took the best of him.
Shanks stared at him like he had been slapped across the face, while Mihawk didn't even budge.
"Didn't Luffy...?" Zoro stammered over his words, regretting what he had said because he knew that he had been harsh, but at the same time he couldn't really help himself. Ace had betrayed him like he never thought he could, and it hurt like hell. "I thought he told you something." Zoro looked down at a random spot on the floor.
"Bits and pieces," Shanks started, shifting his weight from one leg to the other as his grip on the glass tightened "but he was too uncomfortable to actually say something."
Zoro's jaw clenched as he sucked in a shaky breath "Look, I..." he started, not really wanting to go over the same old story once again, then a memory hit him... He had mentioned something to Shanks, he should have known! Why wasn't he saying anything?
Zoro's head snapped in Shanks' direction, his eyebrows knitting together as he stared him down, much like what the red headed man used to do to people to scare them, and somehow it worked.
"W-what?" Shanks asked, taken aback. Mihawk's eyes flew to him almost instantly. "What?!" Shanks repeated, this time getting even more nervous.
"You know, Shanks..." Zoro said lowly.
"You do?" the stoic expression on Mihawk's face turned into an irritated frown "You know and didn't tell me a word?"
Well at least Mihawk's dangerous attention was focused on someone else rather than Zoro, which made the young man heave a small, relieved sigh.
"Don't, not even for a second, assume that you're out of the woods." Mihawk's gaze was still fixed on his husband, but the threat was well aimed to his son.
Zoro shut his eyes, his shoulders sagging. He couldn't really take that kind of pressure, not in the state he was constantly in lately.
"Listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it wouldn't have been fair," Shanks paused, then gestured towards Zoro "it's something he should have told you, or Ace." he shrugged "None of them did yet, and I didn't want to be the one to tell. It just wasn't right."
By that time, Zoro wanted to scream into the night and let out all that pent up frustration that was making him feel like a damn time bomb.
"What the fuck?" Mihawk spread his arms, and both Zoro and Shanks scowled at his reaction "So now I'm the only one in the house who didn't know that Ace slept with Sanji?!"
Zoro's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets, and his jaw almost hit the floor. "What the–" he breathed out, bewildered.
What was going on?!
Mihawk turned to Zoro, his trademark stoic expression back on his features "It was way too obvious, and I'm not stupid."
"Well if you all knew, why the fuck did you put up all this scene?!" Zoro shouted, at last, the timer on the bomb was running quickly towards the fatidical 00:00.
"Because you're supposed to tell us why on earth you'd just disappear like you did!" Mihawk growled lowly.
Zoro shook his head and picked up the bag from the floor, moving to pace up the stairs, muttering profanities and curses all aimed to his parents. He didn't have time to play stupid games with them, and now he was seriously tired. He needed to be alone in his room and in the comfort of his bed if he wanted to finally feel better, he was probably going to leave at the ass crack of dawn to avoid meeting anyone, but it was something he was willing to do for a quiet night in his own bed.
–
It was the middle of the night... But then again there was no telling it. Zoro had managed to fall asleep quickly after a brief but intense meditation session, and obviously lost track of time.
With the only certainty being that it was night, Zoro's senses perceived the mattress dipping beside him, as something... or rather someone, crawled over to him. For a moment, Zoro's sleepy mind feared it might have been the result of one of those awful sleep paralysis nightmares he had heard about on TV, those in which your body is unable to move and you feel an evil entity crawl on top of you.
But then again, his body could move, and before whatever entity tried to crawl over him, Zoro reached out an arm to stop them, accidentally (or maybe not?) hitting them in the face.
"Owwww! Zoro!"
The cry was muffled yet recognizable, even to Zoro's half asleep ear.
"Luffy?" Zoro croaked out, his eyes unable to make out the figure sitting by him in the utter darkness.
"Yeah, who else would it be?" Luffy whined.
"Dunno... Krampus?" Zoro muttered out the first thing that curiously crossed his mind.
"It's not even Christmas, what the hell are you talking about?" Luffy answered, like it was perfectly normal to assume that a demon would try to assault Zoro in the middle of the night during Christmas time.
"Whatever..." Zoro sighed, relaxing back into the mattress, when the wind was suddenly knocked out of him. "Fuck!" he gasped, Luffy had clearly thrown himself at him.
"I can't believe you're here! I'm so happy!" Luffy shouted right by Zoro's ear.
"Don't yell, you idiot! It's late and I was just asleep!" Zoro groaned, trying to push his little brother away to no avail.
Luffy wrapped his arms tightly around Zoro, burrowing his face in the crook of the drummer's neck, clearly refusing to let go. Zoro kept weakly struggling for a few more moments before his body went completely still, then a sigh left his lips and his arms went to loop around Luffy's lean figure. He had missed that brat more than he cared to admit, he loved him so much.
"Is Ace...?" Zoro didn't even have to finish the sentence that Luffy was already shaking his head. "Oh..." Zoro furrowed his eyebrows slightly. Why wouldn't Ace be home, by that time? Well, not that Zoro actually knew what was the time.
"He's..." Luffy began, tearing his face away from Zoro's warm skin. He was hesitating, his older brother could tell.
"What?" Zoro asked, idly trying to look him in the eyes in the darkness of the room.
"I don't know if I should tell you where he is..." Luffy admitted in an unsure tone.
Zoro's jaw clenched and his entire body tensed up. Such a vague reply could only make Zoro think about one thing... "Is he with Sanji?" he asked, without dancing around it too much.
Luffy snorted "Wha–?! No. They barely even speak to each other!"
Zoro blinked, taken aback. So things were like that between Sanji and Ace? Zoro didn't know whether he should have been surprised or not.
"Ah..."
"You see... Ace is..." Luffy started, but still didn't have the courage to go on.
"Is what?" Zoro pressed.
Luffy huffed, letting go of Zoro and sitting up on the bed "He's with Smoker, okay? They're dating, now."
Zoro's eyes widened. Had he seriously heard correctly? Ace and Smoker? They were a thing, now?
"What?" Zoro asked again, but his voice was much softer and higher in tone. He couldn't believe what he had just heard.
"They're together." Luffy rephrased to make it clearer.
Zoro didn't say anything. His brain was still trying to compute everything. After everything that had happened, after Zoro lost all his trust in his brother for having slept with the person he loved, Ace had simply gone and got the man he wanted. That was fucked up on so many different levels and there was no way Zoro could wrap his head around it.
"Zoro?" Luffy called out unsure, after a few too many moments of silence.
"I'm gonna go back to sleep." Zoro muttered, flipping on his side and giving his back to Luffy.
"I knew you'd be upset, that's why I didn't wanna tell you." Luffy sighed, and Zoro felt his brother's weight shift as he lied down.
"I was gonna find out, eventually." Zoro replied with a feeble shrug.
He didn't want to talk anymore, he had done such a good job meditation wise, emptying his mind of everything toxic and soundly going to sleep, and now everything had gone down the drain. He just wanted to sleep for the next three years, at least.
There was another pause, another few moments of quiet, then Luffy's voice came back, this time weak and sad.
"Are you mad at me?"
Zoro shut his eyes and exhaled a long breath through his nostrils, the last thing he wanted was to make Luffy feel guilty about anything that was happening.
"Why would I be? You did nothing wrong, Luffy." Zoro said calmly, but didn't move from his position.
"Are you gonna leave again, tomorrow?" Luffy went on, with the same pained tone.
Zoro wanted to scream into the pillow, instead he kept answering just as gently "I guess so, yeah." then after chewing down on his bottom lip for a few seconds he added "I'm sorry to put you through this, baby brother."
He didn't hear anything in response, but a pair of arms wrapped around his waist and a forehead was pressed against the nape of his neck. Zoro's hand went automatically to rest upon Luffy's and squeezed it firmly.
"I want you to stay with me." Luffy breathed out.
"I can't... Not for a while, you know it. I'm sorry." Zoro answered, feeling his throat knotting up. Luffy was truly breaking his heart, he felt awful.
"I love you, Zoro."
"So do I."
To Be Continued...