Spit It Out Chapter 20, an one piece fanfic

A/N: I hardly can believe the fact that I managed to not take 100 years to write this chapter, WHOA! So, here is chapter 20! We're starting to get nearer and nearer to the end of this story, and it kind of makes me a little sad, yet proud of almost having finished this incredibly important project of mine.

As usual, thank you all so much for being the incredible readers that you are! I couldn't find a better reason to keep on writing if it wasn't for all your amazing comments, messages and so on. I love all of you!

Once again, you can contact me on my tumblr marimoyaro if you ever feel like dropping a question or just discuss anything about SIO.

There's a little warning for a not very graphic scene of sexual harassment/abuse, but I wanted to give you guys a head's up. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 20

"You're too slow."

"Your mind isn't in it."

"Your heart isn't in it."

"Zoro, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Why didn't you block?!"

There was a sharp pain, Zoro's skin sliced open right between the deltoid and the biceps of his left arm. A groan escaped the guy's throat as he dropped the three katana and pressed a prompt palm against the gushing wound.

Mihawk had been right all along. He wasn't focusing, he was sparring for the hell of it, to let out steam but without the mindset. His father was a formidable swordsman, the only one who Zoro still hadn't beaten, and when they sparred with real blades instead of bokken, they were usually careful enough to not wound each other.

Zoro was too driven by his own emotional turmoil. His chest and head were filled with rage and pain, making it impossible for him to be sharp and completely aware of his opponent's every move. So now there he was, sitting in the waiting room of the emergency department with a blood soaked cloth pressed against the wound on his arm. Mihawk was sitting right next to him with his arms folded over his chest and a leg crossed over the other as he glared down at the floor.

Zoro had tried to keep his father from tagging along, especially because it was going to be extremely awkward for both of them, but Mihawk had insisted, so now they were ignoring one another while sitting among other wounded people and their families.

"You're not coming inside, when it's my turn." Zoro muttered all of a sudden. His shoulder was stinging really bad and his head felt slightly fuzzy from the pain and blood loss.

"I just wanted to drive you here and make sure you didn't die on the road. Don't worry, you can go alone in there." Mihawk grumbled in response, his eyes still glued to the floor.

Zoro nodded, no answer was needed to that, so he just kept staring at the door of the emergency room.

"Did you talk to the blond one?" Mihawk asked out of the blue.

Zoro's head whipped in his father's direction so fast that it made him so dizzy he actually feared he could topple off the chair.

"What the fuck?" Zoro asked in a harsh whisper.

Mihawk shrugged a shoulder "You wouldn't have been so unfocused and blind if Sanji wasn't involved."

Zoro's nostrils flared and his jaw tightened. He really wanted to stand up and hit his father with the chair he had been sitting on, but it really would have been unfortunately inappropriate.

Though Mihawk was right, he knew Zoro and he knew what the only thing that could break his concentration was. Zoro couldn't really tell him he was wrong, it was pointless, and after all he could really use some venting.

"I didn't. But Ace and Luffy won't shut up about him." Zoro caved in.

Mihawk looked at Zoro out of the corner of his eye and nodded slowly.

They never did that, they didn't have that kind of parent-son bond that allowed them to speak about their feelings freely. It was embarrassing for both of them, just like when Zoro was a child and Mihawk awkwardly tried to tell him that he had fallen for someone and he wanted Zoro to meet him. Up to that point of Zoro's life, he didn't even think his father could be capable of falling in love with someone. It was just too weird.

"Son, listen to me…" Mihawk started, his head slowly turning to face Zoro and look him in the eye.

Zoro perked up as his entire body tensed with embarrassment and anticipation from whatever piece of advice was coming from Mihawk.

"This situation is clearly doing a number on you. So you either try to settle it, or forget about it." Mihawk shrugged his shoulder "Do something about it, or let go completely. You've been in between for far too long, if you keep up with this… It'll consume you."

Mihawk's golden eyes stared long and meaningfully into his son's dark eyes, then went back to stare down at the floor once again.

Zoro was left to gawk at his father even when their gazes were no longer locked. That was definitely one of the longest pieces of advice that Mihawk had given to him in the past eight years of so, and Zoro hated to recognize how much his father was right.

"Roronoa Zoro?" a feminine voice called out, and Zoro whipped his head in the direction of the nurse that was standing in the emergency room doorway with a clipboard in her hands.

"It's me." Zoro said as he stood up and looked down at Mihawk who simply nodded as he stayed sat.

"Follow me, please." the nurse went on as she beckoned Zoro to enter the room, and he did.

The inside of the room was the kind of white and aseptic typical of hospitals, it lets you know that you're there to be healed or patched up, but it doesn't really make you feel comfortable. The smell of disinfectant wasn't as pungent as that of the detergent they had just used to clean the floor, Zoro didn't spend too much time wondering about what went on, and the expression of the cleaner made him even less curious.

There were two beds covered in aqua paper sheets, the disposable kind that every doctor or nurse used as a protection between the patient and the actual bed. Zoro had never been the sickly type, even as a kid, but he did remember the time he dislocated his elbow when he was a teenager very vividly. He remember there was a similar colored paper laid atop the bed in which he was lying for the doctor to operate on his bones.

He got somehow stuck in that memory as he stared at the beds, and didn't realize that a young boy, around Luffy's age, was standing right in front of him. To be fair, he was definitely a good few inches shorter than Zoro.

"Are you alright, sir?" the crystalline voice of the boy came to snap Zoro out of his daydream.

Zoro furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at the boy in a lab coat that was staring up at him, eyebrows drawn together in concern.

"I got a katana blade wound on my upper arm, I definitely am not alright." Zoro replied, dry.

"Well then I suggest you take a seat on one of the beds, remove your shirt and let me check the damage." the boy said in a way that was extremely professional for how young he looked.

"You're a doctor?" Zoro inquired, eyebrow raised quizzically.

"I'm still studying, but yes. I am a doctor." the boy sighed, his big hazel eyes shining with determination "I know it freaks out most people, but I am one of those…" he made air quotes with his fingers "Prodigy youth." he chuckled softly. "But please, do let me help you out with your arm." he said as he gestured towards the beds.

Zoro's expression remained between skeptical and confused, but obliged. After all, if the boy was there in the emergency room it couldn't really be a prank… Or at least he hoped it wasn't.

"Alright…" Zoro muttered as he went to sit on one of the beds, then carefully removed the partially blood soaked shirt from his upper body, groaning in pain when he slightly moved his injured arm.

"Easy, easy!" the doctor exclaimed as he wore a pair of rubber gloves "Are you allergic to any kind of medication, even disinfectant?"

Zoro shook his head and glanced down at the wound. The cut wasn't huge, but he could tell it was kind of deep. It felt deep, too. He seriously hoped Mihawk hadn't caught a tendon or anything, but he doubted it.

"Alright then, I'll just–" the doctor ceased speaking all of a sudden, and inhaled sharply in surprise.

Zoro's eyes went back to the young doctor, was there something wrong with the wound?

"Oh my… Holy sh–!" the boy brought his hands to his mouth, being careful not to press the sterile gloves against his lips and avoiding any risk of contamination.

"What is it?!" Zoro asked, terrified by the reaction. Was he going to lose a limb or something?

"Y-you're… You're Zoro! Like… That Zoro! From Murder Of Crows!" the doctor cried out, making all the other nurses and a doctor turn their heads to stare at him.

Zoro's eyes grew impossibly wide. Was the doctor fanboying over him? Seriously?

"Yeah…?" Zoro's eyebrows furrowed "What the–"

"Oh my…" the doctor's face flushed a bright shade of pink "I am a huge fan of your band! I adore it! You guys are so incredible, I love your songs and the way you arrange covers… Just… Oh God!" he went on gushing over the band like they had just casually met in a bar or something.

"I…" Zoro blinked, shaking his head "I'm very…. Happy you're a fan but…"

"Right! Right, right! Your arm, I'm so sorry! So so sorry!" the doctor apologized as he resumed prepping for cleaning the wound, his face redder than ever.

"It's alright…" Zoro sighed.

He couldn't believe it. What were the odds of finding a fan at the hospital? And a doctor, nonetheless! That was insane.

"I've always wanted to come see you guys live but…" the boy chuckled nervously as he began to carefully clean the wound with a piece of disinfectant imbued cotton, making Zoro flinch ever so slightly "I haven't got anyone to accompany me."

Zoro frowned. The change of expression on the doctor's face was heartbreaking, as if he was actually implying that he didn't have anyone to hang out with in general. That was really sad.

"That's too bad…" Zoro commented. He wondered if the young man knew about him parting ways with the band.

"Oh well… I'm used to it." another nervous snicker left the doctor's throat "I do hope you'll join the rest of the guys again, soon… I'll make sure your arm will be as good as new to play drums!" the doctor beamed up at Zoro.

There it was. Damn.

Zoro nodded "I'm sure you will." he gave a half smirk, dodging the part that concerned going back to the band.

"My name is Tony, by the way. But ever since I was a small child everyone's always called me Chopper," the doctor snorted "don't ask me why."

"Chopper…" Zoro frowned his lips, then nodded "I'll remember that." he assured with a full fledged smile.

No matter how much he tried to keep up the upset/annoyed act, Zoro couldn't really denied it made him happy to know that there were people who loved the Crows in the most unexpected of places.

The young doctor flashed him the biggest smile ever, his childish features revealing his young age no matter the extremely professional and impeccable way in which he had started stitching up Zoro's wound. He kind of reminded him of Luffy, and somehow he was certain that his brother would have got along perfectly with him.

"Does it hurt?" Chopper asked, his fingers working fast but precisely. His eyes not leaving the wound.

"It stings, but it isn't the first time I've been stitched up." Zoro commented casually, receiving a nervous laugh from Chopper.

"So, uh…" Chopper started, his voice sort of unsteady as he kept focusing on the stitches "Is your decision permanent?" he quickly glanced up into Zoro's eyes, then lowered his gaze just as quickly "I hope my question doesn't upset you."

Zoro's eyes fell shut, his head lowering as he heaved out a sigh. He had hoped to dodge the topic, but since Chopper was a fan, Zoro knew the fatal question was coming, sooner or later.

"It could be," he began, restraining from shrugging while his arm was being sewn up "in the immediate future there is no chance I'd go back."

Chopper nodded, his features failing to hide the disappointment he didn't express through words. "I'm sorry… about whatever caused this outcome."

Zoro nodded "So am I."

The remaining minutes were spent in silence, it wasn't uncomfortable, it was like the quiet after a storm, the kind of silence your mind and body needs after a long struggle. Zoro asked Chopper for a pen and a piece of paper, and left him an autograph that almost made the young doctor flip a desk in excitement and shower Zoro with praise and thankfulness.

"I should be thanking you, doc." Zoro smirked, one of his sharp eyebrows arched up "You patched me up real good."

"Your compliments don't make me happy, you asshole!" Chopper cried out as he smiled, blushed and wriggled his entire body in a weird manner.

Zoro glowered down at the boy in utter confusion and decided it was definitely best to leave that damn hospital. That doctor was definitely out of his mind.

Mihawk stood up as soon as his son stepped out of the room "I'll drive you home."

"I can work just fine." Zoro protested.

"No, you'll just bleed all around the dojo." Mihawk retorted as he started walking back to the parking lot.

Zoro rolled his eyes and reluctantly followed his father.

Of course the young doctor had given Zoro a couple painkillers, even though the drummer could barely feel the pain, Chopper knew that not feeling as much pain as he was supposed to, Zoro would have probably tore off the stitches and messed up the wound, so trying to knock his patient out for a while wasn't that bad of an option.

Zoro was drowsy and fuzzy the moment he sat into the passenger seat of Mihawk's car, he used his left hand to sloppily rub at his eyes, then let his incredibly heavy eyelids fall shut. Yeah, maybe it was a lot better if his father just dropped him off at home, he could definitely use some death like sleep.

He let the slumber envelope him in its arms like an old friend, slipping off to sleep a few moments later like it was the easiest thing on earth. Zoro's phone vibrated a few times inside his pocket and against his side, but he didn't feel it, didn't even care about feeling it.

After what felt either like just a couple minutes or a couple years, the car came to an abrupt halt, jerking Zoro awake and making him gasp in surprise. He blinked his eyes open and wiped off the rivulet of drool that had rolled down the left corner of his mouth, and glared at his pleased looking father – he knew Mihawk had kicked the brake that harshly on purpose.

"Go to sleep, you idiot." Mihawk said as his fingers went to tug softly on his son's septum ring.

Zoro scrunched his nose and batted Mihawk's hand away "See ya." he muttered as he stumbled out of the car and threw the door shut. He watched as his father drove off, then stretched out his left arm with a huge yawn, and pulled both his keys and cellphone out of his pocket.

Zoro glared at the blinking led on the phone that indicated he had received a Whatsapp message, who the hell could it be, now? He sighed and unlocked the screen, though his limbs felt somewhat numb from the medication and he hated it.

'hey zoro, sup? how're u doin? i just wanted to let u know that the show went very well tho i felt kinda awkward the whole time. hope to hear from u soon'

Bartolomeo.

Zoro rolled his eyes in the back of his skull and shoved his cellphone back into his pocket. He was too drugged up to deal with anyone at the moment, especially if that someone was Bartolomeo. He tried to unlock the door four times, almost snapping the key in a half in the process, and finally succeeded in unlocking it on the fifth try and nearly tumbled inside.

His brothers and Usopp were all there watching TV, freezing up when they saw him, then their expressions changed when they realized his arm was all patched up.

"What the fuck happened to you?" Ace asked, his eyebrows impossibly drawn together.

"Fought a bear, obviously." Zoro scoffed and pulled the door shut behind him.

"Where are your katana?" Luffy inquired with a raised eyebrow.

Zoro's eyes widened as his mind went to his treasured swords. He had left them at the dojo while Mihawk rushed him to the hospital. Oh well, he trusted his father enough to take care of them and bring them back home later that evening.

"Oh my God, did Mihawk hurt you?" Ace went on, worry warping his features.

"It was an accident," Zoro pointed out "no need to get your panties in a bunch."

"Do you need us to get you any medicine?" Usopp offered.

"No, I just need more sleep." Zoro deadpanned, then without further useless chit-chat he marched upstairs to actually go and get some well needed rest.

He was enjoying having his mind clouded way too much, especially now that he was finally alone in the dim light of his room. Zoro slipped inside his unmade bed with a moan of delight and wrapped himself into the covers, careful not to mess up his stitches.

"Ah fuck…" he mumbled as he remembered about the phone in his pocket and the text from Bartolomeo. He didn't know what to do, but couldn't leave him on seen forever, so he typed with one eye shut and with his left thumb.

'good im tired n gt hurt whil workn speek to u son'

He tapped the send button, then threw the phone somewhere on the other side of the bed, not caring at all about the fact that it had actually bounced off the mattress and landed on the floor.

The painkillers were still coursing through Zoro's system, making it easy to slip back into Morpheus's embrace once again, without a care in the world. No worries, no obsessive thoughts, no replays of the YouTube video he had watched that morning. Nothing, not even dreams or nightmares could come knocking at his mind's gates.

–

"You're hurting me, let go of me!" Sanji choked out, the hand around his throat clasped even harder, stifling any other chance of protest.

"You like it rough, so quit fussing."

"N-no…."

Tears streamed down Sanji's cheeks, his eyes bloodshot from the pressure of Bellamy's hand around his throat. He couldn't tell where he was, couldn't make out if it was a public place or a house… Or perhaps even a car. He was just so terrified that he could feel his heart ache in his chest.

Then a pain harder than anything he had ever felt ripped him from the inside. He figured Bellamy must have found his way into his body, no matter his protests.

Sanji tried to scream as hard as he could, tried to call out for help but his throat was knotted up, Bellamy's grip was harder than steel. He began to think that he was going to die soon, there was just no way he could survive that.

His sight was hazed, as if the world around him was dissolving. Slowly. Relentlessly.

Music started playing in Sanji's ears. He couldn't quite place the genre, nor the band. He couldn't even understand where it was coming from, until he opened his eyes again and found himself pressed against the stall of what was the dirty toilet of a club.

Bellamy was no longer there, yet he wasn't alone. There was another guy standing really close to him, he had jet black hair and a shit eating grin.

"C'mon, if you really like sex as much as you say why are you being such an asshole about sucking my dick?"

"I just…" Sanji shrugged "I don't feel comfortable doing it in a dirty fucking bathroom." he explained, embarrassed.

"Just fucking suck it! I sucked you dry, man!" the guy insisted.

"I don't wanna!" Sanji repeated "Let me out of here, c'mon." he said as he tried to push the guy away from the door.

Everything happened really fast. The guy was bigger and stronger than Sanji, and used his advantage to force Sanji down on his knees and bring him to his crotch level.

Before Sanji could react he was already choking on the guys erection, as he pounded inside his mouth like it was nothing.

"No!" Sanji managed to scream out in horror, and everything around him faded for good as he bolted up in a sitting position in his bed.

It was a nightmare. The umpteenth one in three damned days in a row. Ever since the night of the concert, where he'd been harassed by Bellamy, he couldn't afford to let his eyelids drop shut without dreaming about being violated in every possible way.

Sanji wiped the sweat off his brow, his breath ragged as he turned on the bedside lamp with a shaky hand. The room lit up enough for him to be able to take off his sweat soaked shirt and search for a dry one.

He felt awfully nauseous, but his legs were so weak that he could have never made it to the bathroom, so he just lied back in his damp sheets to stare up at the ceiling.

Sanji would have never thought that his incident with Bellamy would have triggered that kind of nightmares, he never thought it would bring back so many awful memories. He had never told anyone about the things he had endured in the past, not even Zoro. He had locked those memories of abuse into a drawer in his mind and thrown away the key.

When he was much younger and had just started experimenting with other boys, not everyone was nice and inexperienced, some were older and violent, and did and expected Sanji to do to them things that he wasn't yet comfortable to do with anyone.

He had been forced to give his first blowjob, and it had been so awful that he had spent the entire night throwing up, as an aftermath. Sanji never told a living soul, and only learned to start being smarter about the people he picked. He didn't let those things scar him, or at least he thought so, until Bellamy unlocked those drawers with his abuse.

He was young and naive, he couldn't see what had happened to him as actual harassment or abuse, he just thought he had somehow deserved what had happened to him, because leading on someone but then not giving them what they truly wanted felt like betrayal of some sort.

What Sanji learned from these experiences was that he needed to better his skills and be a lot more opened to experimenting outside of his comfort zone… Even if it meant feeling uncomfortable, uneasy, filthy and so on. With time all these bad feelings faded away along with those memories, he learned to be in charge and learned to do only what he liked and when he wanted, never letting the past keep him from enjoying his sexuality.

After what had happened with Bellamy, though, everything started to take a new meaning and Sanji could finally see it from a different angle. He had been taken advantage of so many times when he was younger, guys had been so horrible to him and the only way that his mind had to protect Sanji was to forget as much as it could, to bury the horror as deep as possible under as much dirt as it could.

All the weight from those years was crushing down on Sanji like an avalanche and he felt so lonely and miserable that he didn't know what to do. He didn't want to be pitied, didn't want anyone's sympathy, he just wanted to feel loved and wanted for the person he was rather than desired for the way he looked and from the things someone had heard about him.

He was ashamed for what had happened, he had even started wondering what his fans thought about him… Did they love him as much as he thought? Or did they think he was a whore, just like Bellamy? Why did it have to feel like such a crime to enjoy sex as much as he did? Why was it so bad to find an escape in sex? To use it as a way to not feel anything else, just raw, primordial pleasure? He'd rather be fucked into next century than put a blade to his wrist, after all…

Most importantly, though… How could Zoro be truly in love with him, if those were the things that people thought about him? There was just no way that Zoro could love someone like him, it was ridiculous.

Yet again, Sanji knew he could have found peace only in Zoro's arms, in one of his strong embraces and in the way he used to press his lips to Sanji's hairline. He needed the ridiculous heat irradiated from the mosshead's body to soothe his nerves, needed the sound of his snoring to lull him back to sleep, the calmest of them all.

How was he going to survive the rest of his days without Zoro? He was starting to think it was going to be impossible. Even if he had Nami looking out for him, she still had her own life and her own love to look after, she couldn't babysit his sorry ass all the time and Sanji didn't even want her to.

Was he even meant to survive? He had his fair share of doubts, if he truly had to be honest, but for the time being he was going to grit his teeth and keep holding on.

His head fell softly to the side, his eyes fixated on his cellphone laying on the top of his bedside table. He reached out to grab it, hesitantly, he unlocked the screen and found the usual few Instagram notifications, a couple from Twitter and didn't even dare thinking about his Facebook page, probably flooded with private messages either from perverts or fans inquiring about Zoro incessantly.

He hovered the contact list with his thumb for a few seconds then tapped on it, his finger slowly scrolling down to the M. He started at the word Marimo for some interminable seconds, remembering how many times he had called or texted Zoro after a bad dream or just out of boredom, and how many times Zoro had actually either picked up or written back in the dead of the night. Only this time Sanji would have never got an answer, and no matter how much he wanted to even just hear Zoro's breath through the speaker of his phone, he shut the contact list and locked the screen, letting his mobile drop on the mattress.

Sanji brought both hands to his face, rubbing at his eyes and finding them wet. What time was it again? He hadn't even seen it while checking his phone, yet he preferred to just look at the clock sitting on his nightstand. It was 4:37, an improvement from the night before, it was 2:48 when the nightmares began to torment him.

Sanji heaved a deep, long breath, then flipped on his stomach to try and catch a few more Zs before the dawn actually broke. It would have been so much better if he could have just gone to work, Zeff couldn't understand how important it was for Sanji to have something to keep him busy, yet he knew very well how much he could keep fucking up in the kitchen. Maybe he could just ask his father to let him clean the kitchen, or even the restrooms… Anything would have done.

Sanji's phone buzzed twice and he nearly fell off the bed. He knew he should have probably silenced the phone completely, those social network notifications were annoying as hell during the night. He picked up the cell again to see what had just nearly given him a heart attack, and a preview of a text from Nami showed up.

Sanji's heart skipped a beat. Texts so early in the morning often bore more bad news than good, yet he proceeded to read the entirety of the message.

'hey there, how are you doing? sorry for writing to you at almost 5 am but i drank so much coffee while studying for next week's test that i can't even keep my eyes shut… Vivi and I are going to the mall tomorrow afternoon/evening, would you like to tag along?'

Sanji's eyes began to fill with tears all over again. He didn't know whether to be incredibly grateful for Nami, or to be angry for being pitied. Then again, Nami wasn't that kind of person, she would only do this sort of things when someone she cared about really needed it, so he tried to shake that uneasy feeling off of him.

He licked his lips and began to type up his reply.

'its ok, u caught me while still awake haha. i really dont wanna bother u guys, u are already doing too much for me. thanks anyway. goodnight beautiful.'

He hit send without even rereading, and saw that Nami read the message right away, but instead of showing the usual 'Mellorine is typing…' Sanji read that she was actually recording an audio note. What in the hell? Was she going to yell at him through voice messages?

The audio arrived a few moments after and Sanji turned on the volume just a couple notches, you never know when Nami would start yelling like a demon.

"Oh my God, Sanji… Why do you have to be like this? It isn't like we're babysitting you, we want you to come with us so we can cheer you up and maybe grab a bite together. We love you, jackass. We'll pick you up. It's no longer an offer. Try to get some rest. 'Night 'night!"

No yelling, no annoyance in her tone, Sanji couldn't help the small laugh that erupted from his throat, and shook his head. He didn't feel like making an audio himself, so he just tapped up a quick reply.

'alright, there's no arguing with the queen [crown emoji]. i'll see you guys tomorrow x'

'good boy xx'

Sanji's smile grew a little wider, and his stomach felt slightly less knotted up. He set his phone back on the nightstand and plugged it in to charge, at least he had something to look forward to the next day, even if thoughts of Zoro and awful memories probably weren't going to leave him alone for the rest of the night.

–

Sanji's slumber was still scattered in sparse nightmares, making him agitated and unable to rest properly. At 8 AM he managed to eat a small breakfast and try going back to sleep, the morning light making things look somewhat less scary, and succeeded in waking up after three hours straight of solid, nightmareless sleep.

He wasn't used to waking up at such an hour, not even on a Sunday, at least not since he turned old enough to work for his father at the restaurant. It felt weird and somewhat uncomfortable, but he had got some well deserved rest and he really couldn't complain about that.

He sat up in his bed and looked down at the sheets with a sigh, knowing very well that he should have changed them again because of how much sweat he had soaked them in. He needed a shower too, badly, or maybe a bath… Either way he needed to get up from his bed and get some shit done.

Sanji was about to do that when he caught a glimpse of his phone and noticed that someone had messaged him on Whatsapp, so he furrowed his eyebrows and picked up the device from the nightstand. He unlocked the screen and found out that the sender was Nami, once again. Was she calling the invitation off? That would have definitely been a kick in the shin, but it couldn't have been helped.

'how's my singer? did you manage to get some sleep? i just wanted to tell you that Vivi won't be able to make it until 6:30 pm but i wanted to see you sooner, so… would it be a problem if i picked you up in an hour? we could go grab a cup of coffee or even lunch if you still haven't eaten. let me know!'

Whoa. What?

Sanji nearly dropped his phone. He had never gone out alone with a girl, not to mention Nami. What the hell! He needed a moment to process everything. Of course it wasn't a date, nor could it mean anything romantic to Sanji, but it still made a chill ran up his spine.

What was the problem, anyway? He was getting used to having normal conversations with Nami, even if her beauty could hurt his eyes, he was getting used to spending some time alone with her. Why did he have to make such a big deal out of it?

He sucked in a deep breath and then got to typing his reply. Of course he would have liked not to be alone with his mind for so many hours. He could change the sheets at night, there was no problem, and he could definitely get ready in an hour if he wanted to.

Yes, there was no problem at all.

'hey there! im fine, i got some sleep… not nearly enough of it but i'll manage haha. and sure, if u don't mind being alone with my annoying ass, i'd like that.'

He hesitated, staring at the message he had just written and chewing down on his lipring. Did he sound too dramatic? Demanding? Desperate? Well, whatever, he was all of the above and it was time to deal with it. He tapped the send button and quickly stood up to fish some clean underwear and clothes to wear, before bolting into the bathroom for a quick shower, bringing his phone with him.

He washed and only later checked for Nami's positive and enthusiastic reply, then went ahead with getting ready. He wore a pair of black ripped skinny jeans that he stuffed into his New Rock boots style 474, a Sister Of Mercy shirt and a studded vest on top. He didn't bother putting on a full face of makeup, nor did he care about filling in and finishing drawing on his half shaved off eyebrows, he just moisturized his face and styled his hair until his phone started buzzing insistently with a call.

Nami had arrived.

Sanji ran out of the bathroom, nearly tripped over the pair of shoes he had left in the middle of the bedroom and quickly shrugged on his stuffed leather jacket, grabbed his bag and took off. He tried not to break his neck while he climbed down the stairs and cursed colorfully when he struggled opening the old front door of the building, then grinned and waved at Nami when he saw that she was waiting for him right outside of her car.

"Are you out of breath?" Nami asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Nah…" Sanji tried not to wheeze, then rolled his eyes "I had just woke up when I read your text." he admitted, his shoulders sagging.

Nami let out a crystalline laugh and shook her head "You could have said so!" she shook her head and moved around the car to get to the driver's seat "Let's go, you must be starving."

"Whatever." Sanji smirked and got into the car himself.

He was actually feeling pretty pumped and happy, like he hadn't had in a long while, so he figured he had definitely done the right thing accepting Nami's invitation. He patted his pockets as he searched for his cigarettes and instantly remembered that he had left them right on his desk.

"Fuck!" he groaned.

"What is it?" Nami asked, a hint of worry in her voice.

"I left my cigarettes at home." Sanji sighed in a defeated tone.

Nami deadpanned at him "I thought something bad had happened."

"Well it is for me!" Sanji cried, dramatically.

"You wanna go get them?" Nami asked as she rolled her eyes.

"Thanks!" Sanji said as he ran out of the car and back to his building.

Alright, maybe that wasn't the best start to that outing, but he was sure it was definitely going to improve. Or at least he hoped so.

–

The ride to the mall was quiet and relaxed, both of them were still kind of tired, so they only exchanged a few words and let Nami's radio do all the talking. There was a mixtape blasting through the speakers, there were some Nightwish songs, a bit of Epica, some Lacuna Coil and also New Years Days. Nami had always been a great supporter of women in bands, especially as singers, and that was the reason why she mostly listened to bands with front women.

"You know, we should actually duet some time." Sanji hinted causally, while they had just left Nami's car in the garage of the mall.

"What?" Nami asked, her eyebrows creasing "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, why the hell not?" Sanji smirked "I mean, you got a beautiful voice, we could do a Lacuna Coil cover, one of these days." he went on, shrugging a shoulder.

Nami tried to bite back a huge grin and just played it cool, looking ahead of her as they rode the escalator and nodded her head "Yeah, sounds cool. We could do that."

Sanji gulped back a laugh and nodded as well "Cool, then."

That was truly the least he could do after everything Nami had done for him, and he would have truly enjoyed dueting with her… After all he had definitely had fun during that collaboration with Freakshow, he didn't need the spotlight to be always and only on him all the time.

The two friends took a small tour of the foodcourt, trying to decide what they wanted for lunch, and Nami dared Sanji to try and eat at a fastfood just for the hell of it. Sanji wasn't going to budge, as he dragged Nami in front of an organic food restaurant that she did sigh a lot at the sight of, but still accepted to get inside of.

A few minutes into enjoying his food, though, Sanji began to feel Nami's eyes burning against his skin in a very intense manner. He had a feeling it was going to happen at one point, he knew she was going to try and analyze the situation until she could start bombarding him with questions about how he was holding up. That was the downside of going out with her alone and not with Vivi, and if he said he hadn't seen that coming he would have lied.

"What is it?" Sanji asked, a small sigh following his words.

Nami shrugged as she stabbed a roasted tomato with her fork "Just thinking… How come you were up so late, last night?"

Sanji looked down at his glass of water and shrugged a shoulder before he could take a sip "I've been having some troubles sleeping." he replied in all honesty.

He didn't know if his sincerity came from the knowledge of how useless it was to lie to Nami, or because he actually needed someone to talk to. Maybe it was actually a mixture of both reasons.

"I see…" Nami paused as if she was pondering the right thing to say "Is there something specific or…?" she left the sentence hanging, tilting her head to the side as she scrutinized the guy sitting across from her.

Sanji's stomach knotted up instantly at the thought of the nightmares, the memories and Bellamy. He dropped his gaze to the table, unable to look at Nami in the eyes, too ashamed to admit any of those things. Yes, there was the thing with Zoro that was the biggest one, but he definitely didn't need anything more to pile up onto the ruins of his heart and mind.

"Sanji?" Nami softly called out for him.

"Hm?" he gave her a fleeting glance, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

He couldn't stop thinking about how much of an irredeemable, damaged piece of trash he was. He felt pathetic and worthless, he couldn't believe he had been so stupid to think that going out for lunch with Nami would have made anything better. Everything was still there, all the cracks in the wall, all the shards of glass were scattered around and all the wounds still open, still dripping with blood.

"Sanji are you alright? Talk to me."

Nami's hand moved to rest on top of Sanji's, but he had fallen so deeply into his own personal hell that when he felt her touch he jumped in his seat.

"Sanji!" Nami exclaimed as she retreated her hand, not expecting such reaction. "I-I didn't mean to scare you…"

Sanji's eyes grew wide as he stared at her mortified "Oh God, I'm so sorry, Nami! I didn't…" he shook his head, unable to actually say something that made sense in return.

"Did anything happen? You gotta tell me, sweetie. Please?" Nami pleaded, and her eyes looked so incredibly worried that Sanji's heart dropped to his stomach.

"I'm freaking out…" Sanji began.

"I can see that." Nami frowned.

"Something happened the night of the concert." he admitted, and just saying that felt like the boulder on his chest had begun to roll away.

Nami's eyebrows drew together even tighter "You can tell me, don't worry." she encouraged him with a small nod.

Sanji licked his lips, he was still fighting himself to find the courage he needed to confess something that he was incredibly ashamed of. So he decided to start out his tale from another perspective.

"Do you think I'm a slut?" he asked, bluntly.

Nami's eyes grew the size of the moon and her jaw dropped slightly "What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"Just answer my question." Sanji insisted, his expression resolute.

Nami shook her head slowly "I don't. I never did." she shrugged her shoulder "I slept with loads of girls myself, never once considered either one of us a slut. We enjoy sex, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that."

A knot formed in Sanji's throat upon hearing such words. Nami saw it the same way Sanji did, she had never been one to judge, but by that point Sanji had genuinely no idea about what people (yes, even his friends) could think of him.

"Apparently some people think I am…" Sanji went on, his voice cracking "I have even been offered money in exchange of sex."

Nami's face warped instantly with rage, her eyes darkened and her voice dropped half an octave "What? Who the fuck did this?"

Sanji began to nervously and insistently scratch at his right wrist, absentmindedly. "A dude managed to get backstage, he was kind of a big guy, too. He threatened and humiliated me, treating me like some kind of prostitute who'd just sleep with anyone, just because they asked." his voice kept cracking throughout the entire speech, so he cleared his throat "Said that there are people who go around saying that I'm an easy fuck." he felt tears welling up in his eyes and struggled not to let then roll down his cheeks. He looked away while Nami processed everything he had said.

"Did he hurt you?" Nami asked, her calm was as scary as Zoro's, and it made Sanji's heart skip a beat. He shook his head, still sucking back his tears. "If he ever shows up again to one of our gigs you point him out to me, I'll hurt him so bad he'll regret even laying his eyes on you."

Sanji let out a small, hollow laugh. "Security had him banned from the venue, I don't know what happened afterwards."

"They should have slammed him into a cell and left him there to rot." Nami growled.

It wasn't like Sanji didn't appreciate Nami's anger, but he felt so completely hollow that he couldn't even feel relief at those words.

"I haven't been able to sleep since. I keep dreaming about being…" Sanji choked on the last word and let his eyes drop shut.

Nami's hands both flew to Sanji's, squeezing them tight "You're alright, honey. You're fine. Nothing happened."

Sanji nodded slowly. He couldn't tell her anything else. He couldn't tell her about the demons that Bellamy had awaken inside of him.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you, you should have told us!" Nami kept going.

Sanji let out an hollow laugh "And what? Look like an idiot and spend the rest of the night feeling even more miserable?" he shook his head "Alcohol and dancing made things a lot easier."

Nami looked down at her meal with a deep sigh. She couldn't respond to Sanji's words, clearly, yet her aura irradiated all the sadness and frustration that came with impotence.

"I'm sorry I dumped this all over you." Sanji apologized as he took another sip of water. He didn't even think about finishing his food, his stomach would have pushed it back up the moment it traveled down his throat.

Nami shook her head, her warm hazelnut eyes locking back with Sanji's baby blues "Don't say that, it isn't a burden, I'm just so mad that I can't do anything about it." she ground her teeth together, her jaw tightening as she looked away.

Sanji frowned, his fingers ran through his golden locks "I never do this, it's out of character. I usually just… Put on my best, most irreverent mask and face the world like I'm constantly unscathed by anything."

Nami nodded "I know that."

Sanji furrowed his eyebrows, he was unprepared for someone to see through his act, but by that point it was kind of ridiculous to think that no one could tell he was hurting. Though in the past he was pretty damn sure not everyone could always tell what was actually going on with him.

"I like this side of you better, though… It's more humane." Nami went on, a small smile creasing her lips "Showing it every now and then isn't too harmful." she shrugged a shoulder.

Sanji snorted "It is," he smirked "I don't wanna appear as weak as I am… Especially now that he's-" he bit his tongue. He didn't wanna talk about Zoro, but his mind always went there on autopilot. He palmed his face with both hands and hid behind them for a while.

"No, don't do that. Go on!" Nami pressed. She had been probably waiting for that all along.

Sanji shook his head, his face still shielded by his hands. "No, we won't do this too, I already told you something embarrassing."

Nami tried to remove Sanji's hands from his face by grabbing his wrists "Sanji you gotta deal with this whole thing. Are you just gonna let Zoro disappear from your life forever? After all these years?"

Sanji instantly dropped his hands to the table, his anger brewing all of a sudden as such words were uttered.

"He chose to. I can't do shit about it, he hates my guts and I lost him forever." Sanji sneered between his teeth as he tried to be as quiet as possible. Causing a public scene was the last thing he needed.

"Lost him forever!" Nami snorted "Do you hear yourself speak? Zoro is in love with you, this kind of things doesn't just magically stop in the blink of an eye."

Sanji groaned softly, his eyes rolling into the back of his skull "Just shut the fuck up about this, how the fuck can he love a piece of shit like me? I could never love myself, either."

"But he does, that's the whole point. He has been in love with you for as long as I can remember!" Nami retorted a little louder.

"Shh!" Sanji hushed her and looked around to see if anyone was staring, but everyone seemed to be minding their very own business. "Then why the fuck has he never told me about it?" Sanji asked softly, tilting his head to the side.

"Because he never thought you could love him back, and he didn't want to fuck things up between the two of you." Nami explained like it was the most obvious thing ever.

Sanji felt a tug to his stomach and one to the heart. His face warmed up as his cheeks flushed a light shade of pink. Zoro had a point, if that was his reasoning behind the whole ordeal, because Sanji had always made it perfectly clear that he didn't believe in love and Zoro knew it very well. But on the other hand, Sanji never could have placed his feelings for Zoro, and he never even thought about how he could have reacted upon hearing such a confession coming straight from Zoro's lips.

He might have run away, in all honesty. There had been a time in which he would have absolutely fled, without looking back. All those information were running wildly through Sanji's head, making it spin as his heart threatened to burst through his chest.

"Nami, I can't live without him." Sanji began, his voice shaky "I'm barely alive, even now… I don't think I can do this for so much longer."

"Baby…" Nami whispered, taken aback. She immediately moved her hands on top of Sanji's, for the umpteenth time, to try and comfort him.

"I love him… I love him so much I can't even believe it. I never felt like this and it feels like it's tearing me apart from the inside!" Sanji growled, one of his hands went up to clutch at his heart as if he wanted to rip it off. A few tears rolling down his sharp cheekbones.

Nami's hand squeezed around Sanji's "I know you do, honey. I know." she leaned forward to wrap her other arm around Sanji's neck and pulled him in to press a kiss to his forehead. "You haven't lost him yet, I promise." she whispered against his skin before sitting back down.

"How haven't I?" Sanji wiped the tears away "He doesn't wanna see me, he doesn't wanna talk to me…" he shook his head.

"Just because he isn't willing to take the first step, that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to try!" Nami tried to encourage him "You have all the rights to try and engage any sort of communication with him. Try texting him, or whatever. You don't even have to call him right away but… Just do something. Anything."

Sanji stared at her like an abused puppy dog "I'm not brave enough. I'm so fucking scared."

"Sanji…" Nami sighed, looking like she was searching for the right words to comfort her completely broken friend "I know how terrified you are, but really… The only time to be truly brave is when you're scared shitless." she offered him a smile, her thumb swiping softly over the back of his hand.

Sanji felt like crying even more. Was Nami actually real? Or was she just something he was hallucinating? Because she was seriously too much of a blessing to him. He couldn't believe it.

"Jesus… That was deep." Sanji chuckled softly through the tears, and Nami sniggered herself.

"I know, right? I can be wise too, at times!" she said in a merrier tone, clearly happy to see that she had managed to tear a small laugh from her friend.

"Thanks… I-I just… I don't know what to say." Sanji shook his head as he rubbed at his nose and then tried to dry his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. "We must have looked dramatic as fuck to others.*

Nami shrugged "Screw 'em. They can think whatever they want."

Sanji nodded without adding a word. He was completely drained of all his energy, he didn't know how he was going to face the rest of the evening. He felt like he'd have needed to sleep throughout the rest of the year.

"Aren't you gonna finish your lunch?" Nami asked, nodding towards Sanji's plate.

Sanji looked down at his food with a grimace "Of course, wasting food isn't an option." he said as he began to forcefully start eating again.

–

Zoro hated being injured, it meant that he had to take things slowly, not strain himself and basically sit around doing nothing. He couldn't train, he couldn't lift anything too heavy, he couldn't drink, he couldn't do anything that could take his mind off things. Surely Ace and Luffy helped immensely, trying to keep him occupied in any way they could, be it playing videogames or watching movies and series, or just chatting with him about the most trivial kind of things to lighten up his mood, but it didn't always work as much as they would have liked.

He had received a call from Barto the day after the injury, he sounded concerned and even offered to pay him a visit, but the last thing Zoro needed was for Bartolomeo to come over to his house. He had appreciated the concern, but he definitely didn't have the time nor the will to see Bartolomeo and listen to weird musings and what he usually blabbered about. Zoro had tried to dodge every single reference to the concert, especially when Barto tried to talk him into going back to drum for the Crows, he nearly threw his cellphone against the wall.

One night he had browsed YouTube to find more videos from the concert, and the more he watched Sanji on stage the more he missed him with every single fiber of his being. He could see small changes in Sanji's behavior, he saw how different he looked on stage, the light that always shone in his eyes while performing wasn't there and it made Zoro's heart ache. He had thought about calling him at one point, but he had dropped the phone as soon as he almost hit the call button.

He was going insane, he became more and more aware of that, and he didn't know how he could stop things from being so damn awful. Zoro didn't know what to do anymore, his chest ached constantly, he was tired all the time from overthinking, his body felt numb from the lack of sleep. He missed Sanji like the air that he breathed, yet he was too stubborn (or maybe even too scared) to do the only possible right thing.

Exactly three days into his recovery, Zoro raised his hand to say bye to Luffy as he saluted his brothers before leaving the house to go to Usopp's, hopefully without getting lost on the way.

"Can you believe Usopp actually dropped out of school to become a tattoo artist?" Ace commented with a huff of laughter.

Zoro shrugged his left shoulder "He's great at drawing, he did the right thing."

"No, I totally agree," Ace nodded as he flipped through the TV channels "I'm just surprised Yasopp let him go through with it."

"We didn't go to college, we're just fine. At least he's still studying for something." Zoro said as he stared longingly at the beer can in his brother's hand.

"Luffy is definitely going to start asking our parents permission to drop out, too." Ace went on, oblivious to Zoro's gaze.

"He's done that for a long time already, they should let him off the hook." Zoro said as he sighed and stuffed a handful of paprika flavored chips into his mouth. His right arm stung slightly, reminding him about the injury.

Suddenly Ace's phone went off, he had All American Massacre by Wednesday 13 as a ringtone, and Zoro couldn't keep himself from air drumming to the song, using only his left arm, as soon as it started. Ace was nodding his head to the rhythm as he picked up his phone from the coffee table and checked the caller ID.

"What the fuck?!" Ace's eyebrows furrowed.

"What?" Zoro asked as he leaned closer to check the phone screen himself, his eyes widened and his eyebrows drew together as well "What the fuck?" he echoed.

A grinning face that reminded greatly of a golden haired Luffy was flashing on Ace's cellphone screen, the name Sabo stood right above the picture. As a family, they never really did keep in touch with loads of relatives, mostly because Mihawk didn't have many living relatives, and Shanks' side of the family disliked the fact that he got married after his fiancée died of childbirth, and… Well, he got married to a man. Yet there was one kid who had never really cared about what his parents ever thought of the family Shanks had built for himself, he actually adored it with all himself, and that kid was Sabo, Shanks' nephew.

Technically Sabo was strictly Ace and Luffy's cousin, but being the very well adjusted and close family they were, Zoro became quickly accustomed to being Sabo's cousin, too. Sabo's parents had always been a couple of homophobic, judgmental, hypocritical snobs, while Sabo had always been the complete opposite of them. He had always done everything he could to anger them, he slept with loads of guys, became a goth just like his cousins, blasted metal music at night, got a huge tattoo of Daenerys Targaryen's dragons on his back, got expelled from two schools, and ran away from home at sixteen to have his own life.

Ace, Luffy and Zoro didn't get much time to see him, especially since he had become part of a freak show as a fire eater/sword swallower and would constantly tour the country, but when they did it was always an absolute blast. Seeing his call on Ace's phone definitely had taken the brothers aback, because you truly never know when he could be storming inside your house.

"Put him on speaker." Zoro said as he nudged Ace. Anticipation was coursing through his vein as the ringtone kept screaming at both brothers.

"Alright, alright." Ace nodded as he accepted the call, then pressed the speaker button. "Sabo?" he inquired.

"Guess who's practically a block away from your house."

Zoro could hear the shit eating grin in Sabo's voice and it was so infectious that he couldn't help but grin himself. That was one hell of a nice twist for the day, especially since his mood was so terrible.

"I don't know whether to say that you're the best or the worst." Ace laughed out as he slowly shook his head.

"Are the uncles home?"

"No, they're at the dojo, actually it's just me and Zoro at home." Ace precised.

"N'aw, where's Luffy?!"

"He's at Usopp's." Ace replied.

"Oh well, I'll be sticking around for a while, no worries."

Ace and Zoro exchanged a look of worry mixed with excitement, because there was never any way of telling for how long Sabo could stay at their house. One time he had stayed over for two months straight, and while it was one of the best fun they ever had, Mihawk tended to not really like guests staying over for an exaggerated amount of time.

"Well, we're here waiting!" Ace announced with a shrug and a smirk.

"You better!" Sabo said before ending the call.

Ace and Zoro stared at each other sort of puzzled, but definitely in a good way.

"What the hell just happened?" Zoro asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Ace shook his head "I don't know, but I guess we're about to find out."

"The hard way." Zoro added with a nod.

Well at least the evening was surely going to take an interesting twist, one that wouldn't bore Zoro and that hopefully was going to make him feel better, at least for the rest of the day. He was very fond of his cousin, and he and the rest of the family hadn't seen him for almost two years now.

Was it the right timing? Zoro didn't know, but a change of routine could only do him good.

The doorbell rang a couple times. It could only be Sabo, so both brothers sprung to their feet to get to the door and greet their cousin.

Ace pulled the front door open, and right behind it was a guy as tall as him, slightly slimmer than he was, roughly shoulder length dirty blond hair framed his features. A scar from accidentally burning himself adorned the area of his left eye, yet it didn't diminish his handsomeness one bit. The bridge of his nose was pierced and so were both of his nostrils, his grin held some metal too, as he sported four small spiked piercings on his lower lip that all together formed the so called shark bites. He was wearing a black Victorian, frilly button down shirt and a pair skin tight, black leather pants that were stuffed into knee high boots, and an average amount of chains, spikes and other sort of accessories adorned his waist, wrists and neck.

"Oh my God, you look fucking amazing!" Ace gawked, jaw slightly slacked at his cousin's appearance.

"Oh, please. Let me inside the house before lying to me, at least!" Sabo joked before he could hug tightly each one of his cousins.

"Come on in, dude! This is such a cool surprise!" Zoro commented as he broke away from the hug and stepped aside to let Sabo in.

"I have just finished a tour with my company and we were like an hour away from here, so… Here I am!" Sabo explained, looking as excited as a child as he stepped inside.

"Man, you should let us know when you guys are close by, you know how much we'd love to see you perform!" Ace protested.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," Sabo sighed, scratching the back of his head and bashfully looking down at the floor. "It's just always so frenetic when we go on tour, and I forget everything I'm be supposed to do."

"So, how long will you stick around this time?" Zoro asked.

"A week? Two, tops." Sabo nodded "Don't wanna get kicked out by uncle Mihawk this time around." he sniggered.

"I won't let him." Zoro laughed softly.

His chest felt so much lighter, and in that moment he thought that Sabo's timing had been absolutely perfect... Until he started thinking about the kind of questions that Sabo could begin to ask, and that made his stomach knot up all over again. Maybe the timing wasn't so right, after all.

The three boys moved to the kitchen to get something to drink while Sabo told them about the tour, then asked a bit about Luffy and Shanks and Mihawk. Zoro had kept mostly quiet as he chugged down some soda and just let Sabo and Ace get into a very animated discussion about fire eating and sword swallowing that he didn't even pay too much attention to.

"What about your band, guys? Is it still going steady? I want news!" Sabo asked, dropping the bomb. It was only a matter of time, after all.

Zoro stiffened up, he was sort of unprepared to answer, not because he hadn't seen the question coming from his cousin, but because he literally never had to tell this to anyone who didn't know about it already.

Ace glanced at Zoro and shifted nervously in his seat. He was probably looking for a sign, for a word, for anything really to know what he could and couldn't say, but Zoro dropped his gaze and left him completely alone in the ordeal.

"Uh… We're touring a bit out of the city with another band, at the moment," Ace started, voice laced with hesitancy "we, uh… We're doing pretty well but, for now Zoro has decided to take a break from it, so…" he nodded, leaving the phrase hanging.

Zoro pressed his tongue against the inside of his left cheek. He knew more questions were going to come and he really couldn't dodge all of them, it would have been completely impossible. Not to mention the fact that Sabo knew Sanji as well, and he was probably going to wonder and ask about him, too.

Once again: bad timing.

"Oh… That's…" Sabo started, clearly not knowing how to respond. He was too polite to pressure either one of his cousins, yet he definitely wanted to know more.

"There's been a bit of a mess, I was involved in it too, with…" Ace went on, Zoro lifted his eyes to look at him as he spoke "With Sanji, and… Yeah." he nodded "It is our fault if Zoro had to make this decision."

Zoro's eyes widened at those words. He wasn't expecting Ace to publicly take the blame, nor he expected him to be the one to explain briefly what had happened to spare Zoro the pain. That had been truly amazing of him.

"Thanks." Zoro mouthed, and Ace smiled softly.

"Woah, that's…" Sabo lifted his eyebrows, his gaze shifting from Ace to Zoro "I'm so sorry to hear that," he frowned "I was just gonna ask how things were with Sanji."

Yes, even Sabo knew. The entire planet and probably some alien beings from other galaxies knew about it, and Sanji was the only one who didn't. Yes, Zoro had got the message by that point: he should have told him.

"They suck," Zoro nodded "they couldn't be worse."

Sabo's frown deepened, and he moved a hand to rest on Zoro's shoulder "I'm incredibly sorry, but believe me… It's hard to think about you two not being able to make up for whatever's happened."

Zoro smiled a hollow smile and shrugged, his right arm stung but he didn't even flinch "I honestly am not sure about that anymore."

Sabo squeezed Zoro's shoulder softly, in an affectionate manner "Look why don't we go out, huh? I have some stuff to buy, because I lost one of my bags while on tour so I'd really need to get to the mall. And then we could tell Usopp and Luffy to join us for dinner or something?"

Zoro wasn't too keen on going out, but he could have used the distraction, especially now that the bomb had been dropped and the secret was out.

"I guess?" Zoro said as he turned to Ace.

"Sure, yeah! I mean, Luffy's gonna freak out when he finds out you're here!" Ace laughed in excitement.

"I can't wait to see him, either!" Sabo laughed himself.

And so it was decided. The three young men all got ready to go out, and in thirty minutes they were on their way to the mall, music from Sabo's iPod blasting through Ace's car speakers and their voices making a loud choir for everyone to hear.

The mood had lightened up, and from the moment they set foot into the mall the only things the boys talked about was how Sabo had managed to lose an entire bag filled with makeup products, cosmetics of sorts and pretty much everything he needed to wash and take care of himself. So the purpose of their trip to the mall was that of rebuilding the bag that he had either abandoned somewhere, or that had been stolen from him.

As usual, many people turned their heads to look the guys as they strolled through the mall, their skins were thick by that point, they didn't care if people found it odd to see a bunch of boys all dressed in weird black clothes, with tons of leather bracelets and chokers, spikes and chains. They didn't care if people couldn't stop commenting on the makeup they wore, everything washed over them like it was nothing, and people seemed to be way too disappointed by their lack of comebacks.

"Yeah, they're always staring at the scar on my face like I'm going to melt in front of them or something," Sabo smirked as they made their way to the Nyx Cosmetic store "but the best part is when I tell them that I got it while mastering my fire eating skills. The way the blood in their faces drains completely is just too much fun!" he laughed.

"I can only imagine the reactions you get when you add that you also swallow swords." Ace added with a grin.

"Cousin," Sabo turned to look at him and placed a hand on his shoulder "that's something that gets you laid like nothing else does."

"Jesus…" Zoro whispered as he let a laugh erupt from his throat, his head shaking slowly.

"You gotta teach me, honestly." Ace nodded with his eyebrows raised.

"I thought you had a boyfriend, already?" Sabo asked with a frown.

"And I love him so much that I wanna swallow his entire sword down." Ace added.

Sabo and Zoro nearly threw themselves to the floor in hysterics.

"You're gonna have to introduce him to me, these days." Sabo said after he had regained some composure.

"I will, don't worry." Ace assured him with a nod.

They stayed into the store for a good twenty/thirty minutes as Sabo had to spend half a fortune to replenish at least part of his collection, and in the meantime he also bought a couple of black lipsticks as a gift for Zoro and Ace.

They wandered inside a Hot Topic to see if there was anything remotely nice to buy, some accessories or pieces of clothing that they could have fit into their closets, but they didn't really feel like digging into piles of nothingness, so they left the store a few minutes after entering it.

Sabo would have liked to find a store that also sold body and face paint, since he often smeared himself in black and white paint for his shows, but the mall they were at didn't have a more theatrical makeup store, so they settled for having a drink.

"I wish I could ask you guys so many things, I am so sorry I only get to see you like… Every two years." Sabo commented with a frown as they sat by a small round table, nursing beers (and a coke for Zoro).

"It's alright, we get that you're a drifter," Zoro shrugged "we learned that, by now." he smirked softly.

"It's great, but also exhausting." Sabo sighed "And you guys, Luffy and the uncles are my only family, so it's hard to stay away from you so much." he licked his lips, looking down at his beer.

Zoro felt so bad for Sabo, he had always been the biggest rebel of the family, running away from his parents, never looking back, yet he was incredibly fond of his cousins and uncles. He didn't know how hard it must have been for him to make the decisions he had at such a young age, but he had done a great job at building up his own life, as crazy as it was.

Zoro's eyes wandered around as his ears were focused on listening to Ace and Sabo talk, and it was then that Zoro nearly dropped the coke he was holding in his hand.

"Holy shit." he muttered, eyes not leaving the spot they had settled on.

"What?" Ace asked.

"Fuck…" Zoro mumbled as he set the coke on top of the table.

"What is–" Ace's tone went from exasperated to surprised "Oh."

"Oh!" Sabo echoed.

The three pairs of eyes were now all staring into the same direction. The bar they were sitting at wasn't very far away from a Victoria's Secret store, and inside, picking up pieces of lingerie, were no other than Nami, Vivi and… Sanji.

"Man, this is your chance!" Sabo said suddenly as he clapped a hand on Zoro's back.

Zoro's heart was racing so fast in his chest that he could feel it hammer its way up his throat. His arms felt numb, and a million thoughts were running through his mind, yet the only one that mattered was the one that told him to run.

"I gotta get out of here." Zoro said as he shook his head.

"Zoro, calm down…" Ace said in a soft tone.

"Zoro, it really is the perfect chance to talk to him! Even just say hi!" Sabo insisted.

"Shut up, it's not!" Zoro growled lowly, his gaze dark and threatening as he whipped his head in Sabo's direction "I'm not ready, and he isn't alone."

"You aren't either." Sabo underlined with a nod.

"That's not the damn point!" Zoro groaned.

Ace stood up and patted on Zoro's back "C'mon, let's get out of here."

Zoro looked up at his older brother and let out a sigh of relief. Thank God Ace understood the situation… Or maybe he felt horrible enough to do whatever Zoro wanted. Either way it was a win.

"Ace!" Sabo protested.

"We can't force him, he's not a kid." Ace shrugged "Plus we gotta go pick up Luffy and Usopp, right? Let's go."

"Alright…" Sabo sighed as he reluctantly stood up.

Zoro felt like he was stuck to the chair, his eyes glued to the figures moving behind the glass. Nami and Vivi were all smiles as they picked up corsets and bras, but Sanji looked a million miles away. He wasn't all dolled up as usual, he wasn't wearing any makeup and there was no trace of a smile on his lips. Zoro was probably imagining things, because from that distance it might have been impossible to say, but he looked thinner, and perhaps even a little paler than usual.

Zoro's chest ached at the sight, he would have wanted to be able to burst into the store and hold Sanji into his arms, never letting go of him, but at the same time he wanted to run away. Run as fast as possible, as far as he could from all the heartache that Sanji could cause him. So he did, he stood up and walked away, leaving another shard of his heart on the table, and didn't look back.

Ace and Sabo kept quiet, respectfully, as the three of them made their way to the garage. Zoro's gaze was stuck ahead, his eyes burned and his stomach was all knotted up. He felt like the biggest, most stupid coward on the planet for not seizing the moment just like Sabo had suggested... But what did Sabo know, anyway? He was always away, and didn't know anything that had ever happened between Zoro and Sanji, nor did he precisely know how things had gone down the drain with Ace's involvement.

Zoro looked back. He saw the store in the distance, and saw Sanji walking out of it. His heart skipped a beat and it felt like an invisible hand had gripped tightly around his throat. He lowered his gaze, felt his heart drop to his stomach, and his gaze went to look ahead again.

Like a robot, he followed his brother and his cousin to the car and took the backseat, resting his head back and letting his eyes fall shut. As soon as the engine roared back to life the music coming out of the speaker made Zoro's eyes snap open again.

Sabo. What an asshole.

"Can't you skip this song?" Zoro groaned.

"Nope, it's one of my favorites." Sabo said as he grinned at Zoro through the rearview mirror.

Zoro rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest, as the three Finnish cellos filled the car and Brent Smith's voice reminded him exactly how he felt.

"I'm not strong enough to stay away.
Can't run from you
I just run back to you.
Like a moth I'm drawn in to your flame,
Say my name, but it's not the same.
You look in my eyes, I'm stripped of my pride.
And my soul surrenders, and you bring my heart to it's knees.

And it's killin' me when you're away, I wanna leave and I wanna stay.
And I'm so confused, So hard to choose.
Between the pleasure and the pain.
And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right.
Even if I try to win the fight, my heart would overrule my mind.
And I'm not strong enough to stay away

I'm not strong enough to stay away
What can I do
I would die without you
In your presence my heart knows no shame
I'm not to blame
Cause you bring my heart to it's knees

There's nothing I can do
My heart is chained to you
And I can't get free
Look what this love's done to me

Not strong enough, strong enough
Not strong enough, strong enough
To stay away
Not strong enough, strong enough
Not strong enough, strong enough
I'm not strong enough to stay away"

The more time passed, the more Zoro realized that yes, he wasn't strong enough to stay away from Sanji forever. It was more than just being drawn to his flame, it was his heart not being able to exist if it couldn't beat for Sanji, it was his mind being constantly haunted by thoughts of 'what if…?' and memories of all the beautiful moments they had shared. Yes his heart and soul were chained to Sanji, and maybe it was about time he let himself be stripped of his pride again and just… Try. Something anything.

To Be Continued...

A/N: I truly hope you enjoyed the introduction of two more characters, haha! Some of you had been wondering about Chopper, so here he is! Also, I couldn't really leave my lovely baby Sabo out of this, could I?

Until next time!