Chapter Thirty-four

His word went without recognition and he was trying to decide if he should remove himself from this scene or if he should quite literally stay in the middle and play referee should that be needed.

"Are you gonna say somethin'?" It was Eliot who finally broke the silence as he caught his sisters gaze for the first time since Easter.

"Are you?" She gave back coldly.

"Like?" He quickly picked up the same tone as he shifted to sit straighter.
For the first time in his life he'd say he wasn't comfortable around her.

"How about an apology for starters?" She had been waiting for a call but apparently that was too much to ask for seeing as he already placed his boyfriend in higher regard than her.

"For what!" He had been out cold for whatever had gone on between her and Nate and he had expected some backsplash from it but this was a lot more than that.

"Are you serious!
What don't you need to apologize for right now you liar!" She had stood picking up a pace to dispense the extra emotion.

"I didn't lie to you about a damn thing!
Last time I checked I was a grown man and you weren't anybody I had to give my life to play by play!" Nate knew that tone, he hated it and he'd give Sarah credit for not flinching at it.

"I wouldn't want to hear it but don't you dare say you didn't lie to me when it's sittin' right there!" She thrust an accusing finger in Nate's direction.

"You just ain't happy until you got control but it ain't happenin' this time Sarah!
The day I say I'm sorry for dating Nate is the day you tell me you regret marryin' Pete!" This was exactly what he hadn't wanted.

"You've got no right comparing him to Pete!"

"And you've got no right to judge when you don't even know him!"

"He makes quite the impression." She spoke dryly as she gave Nate another depreciative glance.

"Yeah cause you're such a saint Sarah.
I ain't never told you what to do with your life because it was yours but there you are stickin' your nose up at mine!"

"What life Eliot?
You don't let me know any of that and as far as I'm concerned it doesn't even exist!
At Christmas you tell me you just ended a relationship and then he tells me that ya'll have been together for two years!
TWO YEARS ELIOT!
Two of them... yet you still have the nerve to say you haven't been lying!"

"That was my business not yours and I didn't even know you were getting married until a week before the damn wedding!" His head was pounding and frankly he was in pain.

"Which you didn't even bother going to!
I was married for seven months and pregnant before you met my husband!" No way was he using that against her when that had been his fault.

"And that's my bad but there ain't nothing I can do about it now.
I ain't nothin' or no one to be idolizing or looking for guidance from and I don't know what the hell you want from me but I can tell you right now you ain't gonna find it.
I did what I could for you a long time ago and I'm done, there isn't any of that left and that ain't me anymore."

"Only because you ran scared from it!
That first time you came back you could've settled, you could have gotten a house, a job and made somethin' of yourself but you keep on running.
Free spirit my ass, a coward is what you are!"

"Maybe you're right.
I could've, probably should've settled but I don't regret not doin' it, there is too much I would've missed." There had been times in his life that had been pure hell but the good wedged in between had been worth every second of it.

"And you're not missing it now?
All I want is for you to have a decent life Eliot.
To find yourself someone you actually love and I don't give a damn about the gender.
To have some kids, to make a home, and to actually start living." Nate had to bite his tongue at the actually love comment. He was loved, Eliot had just told him so yesterday and they had a home, well sort of.

"I don't want that."

"Elio-"

"No, I already had the house!
I already had the woman!
That was all already mine and guess what Sarah! I fucked it up!
Is that what you want to hear?
You want to know all about me but there ain't nothin' to tell!
There's only one thing that you need to know and it'll answer everything else.
Your big brother's a loser! He spent his whole life making one bad decision after another!"

"Eliot stop." She was supposed to be mad at him but she couldn't do that if she had to save him from his own stupid insults.

"Did I ruin my life? Probably but it was mine.
I knotted, twisted, and tangled the damn thing and I know it's a mess.
I tore it to shreds and I know it's stained but it's mine.
You go on and look at it or judge it any way you want but don't you even go criticizing the one good thing I put in it in over a decade." Now Eliot was pointing at him and he felt like a mix of helpless bystander and gawker.

What she had to say didn't matter because she knew he was done.
He had given her more than he wanted, probably more than she was expecting and it was in the air what she'd do with it.

"Eliot are you alright?" She had so much more to say but all of that was pushed to the side by worry. He looked like he might pass out.

That was it.
That question was the last straw. "Leave"

"Eli-"

"GO!"

Nate kind of felt bad for her as she looked like she had just been slapped and it had him following her to the door. "Sarah?"

"What?" He wasn't surprised as she snapped at him.

"If it means anything to you I do apologize.
My words were rude and uncalled for and I'm sorry our meetings haven't been under better circumstances.
Eliot really does care for you though and I'm glad to see the sentiment is shared even if it's leaving things out of my favor for the moment."

"Thank You" Nate watched her rub stubbornly at an eye as she turned and left.

As he returned to the living room he saw Eliot sprawled out on the couch, his breathing seeming a little too heavy, and he was staring absently.

He moved closer but Eliot shook his head. "Just leave it alone Nate." He had questions about what had been said. Eliot obviously knew this but once again he'd put them away, he'd save them for later.

Right now he'd let Eliot be.
Hopefully with the time he'd gain some color and maybe a little perspective.
He'd go to their room so Eliot could focus on breathing and not needing another trip to the hospital and when things had calmed he'd come and be a distraction.
He'd give Eliot something to focus on when thoughts were trying to pull him in like they loved to do at times like these.

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"We've gotta go!" Eliot all but stormed through the door of their tiny home, already looking for a duffle to pack.

"Where? Why?" Maritza asked stunned as Eliot all but yanked the basket of laundry she had been folding from her dumping it into his newly found bag.

"We'll go anywhere you want but we can't stay here Itza, they're looking for me." He didn't pause in collecting what they would need for their journey.

"But you didn't do anything wrong Eliot." He had promised her that everyone on both sides of this mess had thought him to have been killed, that they wouldn't have to run because no one chased a dead man.

"They don't care!
I don't know who they are or what they're about but I know what our orders were and I can guarantee you they ain't comin' to do anything less than return the favor." She wasn't moving and he was beginning to wonder if she really understood the gravity of the situation.

"That was months ago!
You got ambushed and those orders were never followed through!
The rest of your group retreated like swine and you've been right with me, so why now?" They had a nice little house, Eliot worked in a small bakery where the hours let him be nice and unnoticed just like he liked, and well all of this was supposed to be behind them. Things were supposed to be normal.

"Somehow they figured out I'm alive.
You said it yourself, they ambushed me, it's my face they know, they'll be coming after me first.
Maritza we've got to go." He was done, anything else they could pick up along the way.

"This is my home Eliot." She sat back down even as he moved toward the door.

"We'll make a new one, a better one." He moved to kneel before her. "We can go anywhere you like. We'll get married just like we planned and we'll make that home, I promise."

"This is all I know, all I've ever known and I wont leave it." She denied as she fiddled with the modest engagement ring he had given her. It was more of a band and though he had promised to eventually replace it she cherished it.

"Maritza we-"

"No Eliot, I'm not going."

"Well I'm not leaving you!" They could have days, they could have hours, he didn't know but he knew they needed to go.

"And I'm not leaving here!
I didn't run when my father was killed nor when my brother was imprisoned and I wont do it now!"

"It isn't an option Maritza!
We're not safe here... if we stay we'll lose everything.
All of your dreams, everything we've created, it'll all be worthless."

"I said no!" This was her life and she wouldn't abandon it.

"WHY ARE YOU SO PIG HEADED! Damn it Maritza do you see where you've put me! I'm not leaving you!" He paced the room angrily as he pulled at his hair in frustration.

"And I refuse to leave my family, my friends, my world.
I'm willing to fight for that and you're obviously not the man I thought you were because if you were you'd be willing to fight for that too." She crossed her arms and Eliot knew he was doomed. He could remove her bodily sure but he knew every free chance she got she'd try to come back.

"Alright" It was wrong, he knew it was but his place was with her and he wouldn't go without her.

"Where are you going?" He was already exiting the house and she was worried.

"I'm not gonna just sit here with a big ole target painted on my back. I'm gonna go see if I can't get us some help." He knew there'd be consequences but he'd have to face them cause going back was currently his only hope.

"Be careful."

"You too, keep low and don't let anyone in.
You take this," He passed her the hand gun he had been issued, he didn't leave the house without it. "and if you need to you use it. I'll be back just as soon as I can." A quick kiss and he left with a wary feeling.

It was around two in the morning, Eliot had been sleeping for about three hours now but he had yet to settle.
Eliot hadn't really spoken since Sarah left and it had him going back to what had actually been said in that conversation.
He hadn't asked anything but he had been collecting information for months now and a time line of Eliot's life was falling into place before his eyes.

Jimmy had declared a decade of love to Eliot which would have made him only 25 at the time but Eliot had already claimed himself to be a monster by then.

Aaron and Sarah had verified that Eliot was still very much light hearted and himself when they had seen him on her graduation which by his calculations would make Eliot 23 if she hadn't repeated any.

Eliot had told him that that was the exact time he had been dating Aimee but he had also said that he left for an op and he knew from her personally that Eliot hadn't returned.

Muffled syllables had Nate looking over to Eliot.
It was too vague to be understood but Eliot's expression was uneasy.

After the day he had had Nate wasn't surprised that trouble would have followed Eliot into sleep, he was too good a target to let pass just because he was tired.

He moved closer to Eliot and began trailing his fingers through that hair and along the scalp trying to provide a small comfort.
It brought some as he settled against the headboard and back into his thoughts.

He had been given the summary, well more like the outline, until 23 but then things were non-existant until 25.
That left two years to be filled and it was obviously something in that time gap that had turned a sweet southern boy cold as ice.

Eliot had also admitted that very night to living with a woman domestically and Nate was positive she'd have to be the mystery person from their conversation yesterday. Where she fit was the question.
After Aimee was a given but that left things still pretty open.

The first time he had gone after Eliot was after the name Spencer already held some weight and with the reputation that was beginning to proceed him and the way he could vanish just as if he was never there Nate doubted he had had an actual home let alone a woman waiting there for him.

No, not with that life... and with the way he knew Eliot to go through women he knew it couldn't have been anything remotely recent.
All evidence pointed elsewhere and he had a sinking suspicion that she was dab in the middle of that two year time hole.

A hitched breath had Nate returning his attention to Eliot.
It had sounded shocked and Eliot was beginning to seem restless as he tossed himself further toward the edge of the bed.

Normally Eliot was a light sleeper, if he even rolled wrong in the middle of the night Eliot would wake, and why he hadn't now was bothersome.

Should he wake him?
Eliot was now lying on his bad leg and that pressure surely was causing discomfort not to mention the whimper he could have sworn he just heard.
Eliot didn't whimper.

Placing a hand on Eliot's shoulder his mind was made as he pulled him back toward him.
The face he was met with was a mix of disbelief, sorrow, and pure anger. Eliot's eyes were clenched and Nate could see he was clearly in a battle be it against monster or memory.

It wasn't one that he would leave him on his own with so he patted Eliot on the forearm, a less threatening place, with a steady "Eliot". He didn't believe Eliot to have heard him as a low but clearly anguished "why" barely left his mouth. "Eliot" His voice seemed to hold no power as he watched Eliot's fingers curl in the slightest as he appeared to be pulled further into his subconscious.

Nightmares weren't something he had experience with.
He had had a few of course but dealing with them was something else entirely, especially when it was someone elses and they were in the midst of it.

"Eliot" There was the very likely possibility that Eliot could get violent and though Nate knew he'd eventually wake on his own he couldn't bring himself to leave him be completely.

Calling out to him was going nowhere so instead he offered little nothings letting him know on some level at least where he really was and that he wasn't alone.
Though he wasn't very good at it it seemed to be working to an extent or at least that's what he thought until he accidentally bumped Eliot's hand.
It was like a trigger pull as suddenly a fist connected with his jaw and he wasn't even given the time to look dazed as Eliot moved with a speed he shouldn't have and pressed him into the mattress with a forearm against his throat.

"El...Eli..." It was croaked out and the best he could manage as he stared into eyes he didn't recognize.
Eliot looked ready to kill and with more pressure being applied to his throat he sure felt like he might die.
He didn't know where Eliot was or who he was with mentally but in their bedroom with him sure wasn't it and as he started seeing spots he knew he actually needed to protect himself from a man that had promised never to hurt him.

It took a great deal to get his arm free from where it had been pinned but with a little effort and a lot of force he slammed his fist like a hammer down onto Eliot's back feeling bad about it but aiming for the torn muscle. The pain that should have caused received nothing more than a grunt at the moment as Eliot stared at him with nothing less than hate soon thrusting a knee into his groin.

Immediately he wanted to curl in on himself in pain but it wasn't possible.
All he could do was verbalize his discomfort and be thankful that in those mixed movements Eliot's arm had loosened and he could refill his lungs with the air that had been knocked out of them.

"I'm gonna make you regret the day you were born boy." Those words came from Eliot's mouth but they weren't his, just like this wasn't his Eliot.

"Eliot" He might have sounded panicked but it should probably be more like terrified. He had heard the stories of damage Eliot had done with seemingly innocent objects and what he could come up with while in an unbalanced mental state wasn't something he wanted to figure out. "Eliot it's Nate."

Who Eliot was looking at was an obvious enemy and Nate knew if he wanted that thought to dissipate he'd have to break the illusion.
In this situation you'd beg and plead, you'd fight back, that was what Eliot was expecting and that's exactly why he wouldn't do it. "Eliot listen to me... it's me." He stressed the word as he forced himself to relax, in the very least Eliot wasn't currently assaulting him. His arm was still across his throat but there was no real pressure as he could speak freely and he believed Eliot's protesting injuries were beginning to cut through the haze.

"I wont hurt you... there's no danger here Eliot... we're safe." The confusion that fell over Eliot's face wasn't much better than the hate but it was progress. "You keep us safe remember, that's another reason why I love you." Understanding was nice to see after everything that had just gone down but it was short lived as Eliot's eyes went wide with realization of what he was doing.

"Eliot" If he thought he had been afraid the fear Eliot was portraying as he scrambled up and off of him was nothing if not magnified. "Eliot" He continued putting distance between them and Nate watched as Eliot seemingly unaware of the lack of bed behind him soon fell off of it.

"ELIOT!" It was only seconds before he had himself to the other side. "Eliot are you alright?" He had a hand on his head but it quickly moved to his mouth as he hurriedly moved to the bathroom, half falling, half crawling.

By the time he got off the bed there was already a loud clank coming from the connected room and he was rushing into the bathroom to make sure Eliot hadn't taken another tumble.

The immediate sound and stench made it clear where Eliot was but he flipped the light switch to rid the shadows in the room anyway.
The counter clutter had found its way to the floor but was quickly overlooked as he grabbed an elastic from the drawer and kneeled next to Eliot.
He gathered slightly sweaty hair doing his best to tie it back as he tried to wrap his head around everything that had just happened.

"Try to get a pattern back into your breathing." Nate spoke softly as he rubbed a back he could feel spazzing. His other hand trying to soothe the throat that was quickly becoming sore, his voice was already hoarse.

He believed Eliot to have taken his advise as he blew out a breath slowly, eventually resting his forehead on the arm propped on the rim of the toilet. "That's it.. keep it steady." The tile was unforgiving to his knees and so he sat ever mindful of getting too close and making Eliot feel crowded. "Did you hurt yourself when you fell?" Eliot seemed out of it, the only sound was of him spitting bile as he continued his struggle to clear his throat.

"Stop that." Nate got up to fill a glass for him before he'd make himself sick again. "I wouldn't suggest drinking any of that yet but it should help to have your mouth rinsed." His suggestion was ignored or possibly unheard as Eliot stared into the cup as if there was actually something at the bottom, Nate having already had to press his fingers around it.

"Eliot talk to me." It was a plea as he suddenly felt the urge to make sure Eliot would be able to shake the after effects of that dream.

"They... I... I couldn't..." He was soon trembling with the memory and Nate had to take the glass away as water began sloshing everywhere.

"Shhh" He didn't know what to do.
He had seen Eliot angry, injured, vulnerable, with his guard down, and just plain emotional but this Eliot, this one seemed broken. "It's okay." He didn't believe it but hopefully he could sell it to Eliot. "Just don't think about it." He handled the unpleasant task of flushing as Eliot scooted back against the tub shaking his head. "Think about us." He sat next to him not liking how Eliot was beginning to curl in on himself.

"About what color you're going to paint the outrageously overpriced place we're going to be moving into." Eliot had looked over to him and he thought he was getting through but no such luck as Eliot's eyes dropped to his neck which he knew was already showing signs of bruising. "Don't you worry about that."

"I'm sorry" And now Eliot was apologizing and it sounded so hurt and raw that Nate couldn't be sure he was speaking to him. "I'm sorry" It became a repeated mantra as Nate lost more of his Eliot and someone elses took over.

"Shhh" He drapped an arm around him as he tried to be a source of comfort. He didn't know the story but he hoped that whoever had caused Eliot to have such a break from his own had died a long and painful death.

"I... I left.. I shouldn't have done that. It was my fault." The words were pained and Nate had to stop him from pulling his hair.

"What was your fault Eliot?"

"I'm sorry Itza, I'm so sorry." Nate watched as Eliot pulled his legs up and buried his face into them covering his head as if he was trying to block something out.

"She knows" He spoke freely as he realized Eliot was past hearing anything he said.

What it was, or better yet who he didn't know but he was sure this had been exactly what he was looking for. "Shhh" Being close was all he could really offer as Eliot begged to be left alone, pleaded for forgiveness, and it hurt him to be so utterly useless. "I promise Eliot, she knows."

E/N: I didn't follow Aimee's story completely so her past with Eliot and what she has mentioned is irrelevant unless I too have mentioned it.

Mentioning the past, we just got a big piece of Eliot's ...and poor him:(

Well hope you liked and let me know whatcha think!