Joker Moreau wasn't really shocked to see Kaidan's expression after he said those words. As a pilot, he was usually content with minding his own business, especially if it meant everyone stayed out of his way when he was doing his job. Nobody knew the Normandy better than he did, or ever would …

Except for the woman he had miraculously fell for. And that woman was now lying in the AI Core room on a table, apparently lifeless. Garrus had tried to wait to bring her down for a while, which he had to appreciate, but fixing his arm the old-fashioned way took longer than expected. Joker half-suspected it was because his long-running doctor was trying to teach him a lesson about being more careful. Damn woman acted like if he sneezed too hard he would shatter his ribs … Granted, there was a high chance that was possible, but it hadn't happen yet, damn it.

His stomach cart-wheeled when the med bay doors opened, threatening to erupt. Throughout his years, in pilot training, the Alliance, and particularly the Normandy, he had to face a few of his fears. Not there were many to speak of. Being the kid that spent majority of his life in braces or splints or casts made him learn to press all of that down. This body may have been weak, but he was determined not to be. Her last words to him … the realization that those would be her last words to him … made him more terrified than anything he ever felt before.

Garrus had almost retracted from the room, but the human man shook his head.

"Just lay her down in there," he sighed.

The turian nodded and did as he asked. He could tell Chakwas wanted to ask questions, being among the vast majority of the crew who didn't know what happened. Thankfully, the doctor held off her questioning, focusing her attention on his arm.

Of course, he wanted to scream, break things, shake that metallic body uncontrollably until she opened her eyes … anything to get her back. Without question, he would do anything to get her back. And he would continue to until the end of his days, if he was able, but he also knew that she would be disappointed in him for "pursuing an unsolvable problem." Her logic and strict calculus seemed brutal at times, though Joker was glad she had it. So many of their decisions were made off of emotional and rush to be the hero (no offense to Shepard) that someone with more logic than emotion was helpful. Over time, she began to make decisions based off her own emotions.

And she picked him to share them with, even after all the hell he put her through when they first met. Somehow, they came together at an impossible time, and Shepard was more than supportive about the whole thing. The commander's running joke was that she and Garrus were no longer the gossip of the Normandy. Human-turian relations were now trumped by human-AI. She taught a lot of emotions and understanding to her, especially the questions that Joker had a hard time answering for various reasons. Before the end, she was—

No, damn it. It wasn't the end. He refused to let it be. Joker Moreau never gave up on anything if he could help it; he was too damn stubborn. There was no way it was the end. For now, though, he had to focus on the task at hand, which Kaidan seemed to maul over for several minutes before responding to him.

"I'm sorry?" he finally asked, looking between pilot and turian for some clarification.

"Have you gotten in touch with Hackett yet?" Joker asked suddenly, forgetting that bit of knowledge. "Traynor said she was still trying …"

"Yeah, I just spoke to him before I came down here. Why?"

"What did he say?"

"He wants all able-bodied ships to meet up at the rendezvous point when they're able. Rescue and recovery missions are the next priority."

Joker turned to look at Garrus. He didn't have much of a chance to talk to the turian before their current commanding officer came down to the med bay. But it wasn't really necessary. They both had the same idea, after all.

"20 credits says he's not letting anyone near the Crucible."

"Sorry, I'm not a betting man," Garrus shrugged. "But I do have to agree with you. Considering the fact that we all saw ships get taken out by the blast, and there's more than a strong chance that the relays aren't working, there's no way they'll let us just stroll back in there."

"Not even if Alenko puts on the pretty boy act? No offense, Major."

"I would be more offended if I knew what the hell you two are talking about," Kaidan groaned. "Neither of you strike me as schemers."

The pilot let out a puff of air. "Listen, I know you sent us away from the Crucible for good reason. We probably wouldn't be alive otherwise, but we're sitting in the fastest ship of the Alliance fleet. If—no, when she gets airborne, there's only one place I'm willing to take her."

Kaidan nodded, beginning to understand. "The Crucible."

"Shepard's alive, Kaidan," Garrus threw in.

"And I'm not leaving her," Joker said firmly. "I've already had to do that once. There's no way I'm doing it again."

Rubbing a hand over his chin stubble, Kaidan looked out the windows behind Joker's bed into the quiet mess hall. By the expression on his face, Joker knew he was beginning to understand what they were asking.

"You don't think Hackett will like the idea?" he asked. "He's asked a hell of a lot of Shepard over the years. Going to find her wouldn't be so far-fetched."

"We could risk losing the Normandy if he doesn't like the idea," Joker offered. Though he was all for the side of playing hero this go-around, he wanted to make sure the Major knew of what could happen. "They could ground us just like after we took off for Ilos."

"Considering that the whole universe just went to hell and back today, I think making the Normandy and her crew sit in the corner and think about what they've done would be the least of their problems. If we don't go, we don't just risk Shepard, we guarantee we don't get to her at all."

"Exactly," Garrus agreed. "As far as Hackett knows, we're still grounded, right?"

Kaidan nodded. "We're mostly waiting on our coordinates. The ship's navigations and tracking systems are getting checked out."

"So we can stay grounded for a while. To the Alliance, that is. We figure out where we are, we figure out where we go."

"We made the relay before we landed, though?"

"Jumped right before the relay was wiped out, yeah," Joker explained. "The systems all went down before I got a read on where we were, so we won't know where we are until the ship does."

"Without the relay, it could take us a while," Garrus sighed.

"As long as she flies, we'll get you there, no problem."

"I'm sorry, Joker. I don't want to sound insensitive, but without EDI—"

"The ship can still function," he snapped, feeling his stomach clench at her name.

It was the first time he heard it, or allowed himself to, in what felt like years. All of it seemed so far away. He had to let it seem so far away; if it got too close, he wouldn't be able to survive it. Not now. Joker Moreau would take a page from the turian handbook on this one: shut all of it down, focus on nothing but the mission at hand and what had to be done to succeed. The universe lost too much today, he lost too much today … Shepard wouldn't be lost, not if he could help it. Maybe once they had Shepard back, all of this would make more sense. It had to.

Exhaling heavily, he tried to calm down. "She said not to worry. The ship is still going to be functional. When the systems pass their checks, we'll be in the clear."

Kaidan nodded. "I'll talk to Hackett. We'll have to gather the crew in the CIC soon, too. They need to know about what we plan to do. Shepard's normally the speech giver, but maybe you can wing it, Vakarian?"

Garrus laughed. "Not sure if that's the best idea, but I suppose I can put on the important voice or something … Thanks for agreeing to this, Kaidan."

"Hey, like I said before, Reapers be damned, she comes home. The Reapers are damned, so now she comes home."

The man stepped forward to put a gentle hand on Joker's shoulder. Despite himself, the pilot felt himself flinch. It wasn't that he was scared of Kaidan. Actually, if he had to guess, he was afraid of his sympathy.

"I'm sorry, Joker," he said once more.

Shoulders sagging, he looked down. He hoped the bill of his trusty SR-2 hat covered his eyes. That way the other two men in the room couldn't see the tears threatening to spill over. Amazingly, his voice didn't shake as he answered.

"Yeah. Me, too."