Chapter Thirty-Five
It was still fairly early as Hardison walked out of the kitchen with his breakfast bowl.
He had heard the shower running as he passed the bathroom on his way down though so he was sure Parker'd be joining him soon.
"Do You Wanna Watch Where The Hell You're Sitting!" He nearly dropped his food as he jumped back up from where he had sat on Nate's legs, he was clearly angry about it.
"Sorry man, I didn't know you were there." He moved to an armchair without hesitation. "Ya'll still got the door closed so I just figured hadn't nobody come out yet."
That had been the only rule Nate set.
If the door to his room was closed you weren't to enter.
Hardison understood them wanting privacy and it wasn't a big deal because it was barely ever closed other than for the night and was usually opened before he got down the stairs in the mornings.
"Well I did." Nate grumbled as he sat up rubbing at his eyes, he hadn't slept at all.
"Yeah I can see..." Hardison began speaking as he looked up from his bowl to Nate. What he saw changed the topic. "What the hell happened to your neck?"
"Nothing" The question sent him back a few hours as he thought back to how he had ended up on the couch.
After Eliot's break down he shut down asking him to leave and for all Nate knew he was still on the bathroom floor.
"That's not nothing Nate." He didn't like what picture the denial and dark bruising were painting in his mind.
"Leave it alone Hardison." He near ordered as Alec moved to sit next to him, probably to inspect his neck better.
"Did Eliot do this?" The marking was similar to ones he had seen from having an arm around your neck and he doubted Nate had been trying to strangle himself.
"What are you suggesting?" He sounded suspicious and it wasn't welcome.
"Has he done anything like this before?"
Maybe it was the lack of sleep or maybe it was the worry but it took Nate a minute to realize what Hardison was saying. "Are you seriously suggesting abuse?" They fit quite a few categories but domestic violence sure wasn't one of them and he wasn't sure if Hardison thinking otherwise was insulting or laughable.
"All I'm saying is that those marks don't look friendly and what I heard last night didn't sound it either." He had talked himself out of going down there because he figured it wasn't his business but maybe he should have.
"It was no ones fault Hardison." Nate was already mentally kicking himself. If that didn't sound like a classic battered womans phrase. "It was an accident." Yep, that sounded much better.
"Strangling you was accidental? Yeah right Nate!
I don't know what all went on between ya'll but there ain't no damn way you'll make me believe you can choke someone without meaning to do it.
I ain't stupid and that ain't acceptable." Hardison was looking too involved for just his sake and it was becoming clear abusive tendencies were in his past, perhaps his own parents.
"I'll do us both the favor and pretend like this conversation never happened." With that Nate left with coffee in mind. Hardison's concern was acknowledged though severely misplaced and if he was bold enough to say so, stupid.
Last night wasn't the best example but Eliot was a complete teddy bear, albeit a grumpy one, but one none the less.
He was a sweetheart and dare he say it a softy depending on the situation.
If he was accusing any of his relationships of being abusive it sure wasn't this one.
No Maggie had the tongue he swore could cut and Sophie, well that woman was always slapping him.
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"She doesn't like Steve." Parker announced as she heard Hardison come up behind her a little while later in the shed. "She wont feed her." Hardison rolled his eyes at the name, only Parker would name a female kitten Steve.
"It's tough love Parker. She's lettin' them know only the ones who are strong enough to go after what they want will survive." He had been there for the whole birth, may he say how nasty it was, and knew that Steve was the runt.
"Well then she's a bad mother." Parker lifted Steve, she was solid black with the slightest white streak traveling from in between her ears down to the tip of her nose, as if she was protecting her from the cat.
"Parker have you seen Nate?" What he had seen earlier was still nagging him and he had come to share his thoughts with her.
"I think he's in the kitchen." She spoke absently as she tried to figure out how she would remedy Steve's current situation.
"No. I meant if you had actually looked at him, maybe spoke to him?"
"No. Why?"
"Eliot bruised his neck.
He says it was an accident but it looks pretty bad and I think Nate's just trying to cover for him.
The why is what I can't figure." He knew Eliot was a good guy but he also knew he had a bad temper.
"Maybe they got a little kinky." Parker shrugged off his worry as his jaw dropped, it wasn't her business and she really didn't care. She had a kitten to care for since its mother wouldn't.
"I'm being serious Parker.
I think they got in a physical fight last night.
Nate wont say a thing and Eliot's got himself locked up and I don't like it." What others did was their business, he was the first to preach as much, but if those two were hurting each other he sure as hell wasn't going to sit on his hands and let 'em do it.
"Really Hardison?" Parker disagreed with his thoughts completely. "Eliot would have been yelling, he would have kicked everyone out of his house. Nate would have said a load he'd regret seconds after it left his mouth, he'd go get drunk and find a way to blame everyone but himself if they were fighting but they wouldn't beat each other. That's just not them.
One; Nate's still walking and talking so you're obviously mistaken and two; Eliot's not that kind of person."
"I'm not saying he is, I'm just trying to get some reasons behind what I saw." He couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around a logical reason for the bruising on Nate's neck and the more he thought about it the more he began to think about possible injuries that he hadn't seen.
"Alright then." Parker spoke casually as she exited the shed with Steve.
"Where are you going?" Hardison called out after her.
"To get your reasons!" She called back. Maybe Eliot could help her with Steve while she was at it.
It was only a few minutes before she was outside his door which to her surprise was locked.
It wasn't an obstacle as the lock was generic enough that it didn't even need to be picked, a little pressure and something as simple as a pen would have it open.
No the surprise was the symbol behind the locked door, Eliot was trying to shut them out or perhaps close himself off, either way it wasn't happening. She didn't even have to put Steve down to complete her task and near immediately she was opening the door to a pitch black room.
Normally the two windows in the room gave it more than enough light but with the blind and curtain covering each completely it was near ghostly.
"Eliot?" Maybe he was having a bad day or maybe Hardison had a point with saying something was up and out with them.
A glance to the bed let her know it was empty and she held Steve just a little tighter as she entered the bathroom.
There was a mix of things on the floor, assorted soap bottles lying in the bottom of the tub, and what she assumed were pieces of a cup scattered along the bath mat, but no signs of Eliot.
The room wasn't very big and the bed took up most of that space so her next choice was the closet.
Why Eliot would be in the closet she didn't know but she checked it anyway finding nothing more than assorted clothes.
"Eliot?" It was when she moved to the other side of the room that she spotted him sitting against the side of the bed, with the height of it he hadn't been visible before. "What are you doing?" He didn't answer her nor did he say anything when she pulled the curtain open to let in some light.
Now she could clearly see a deeply disheveled Eliot whose face appeared dark and drained, it was bothersome but not as much as the blood that covered his arm. Immediately she thought back to the broken glass in the bathroom.
"Eliot?" It didn't even seem like he knew of her presence as she kneeled next to him inspecting his arm to find the blood dried, she couldn't tell how bad it was. "How'd you hurt yourself?" That got his attention as he glanced at his arm as if seeing it for the first time but it didn't hold it for long as he shrugged it off with little care.
"Hardison says you and Nate were fighting last night." Parker spoke slowly as she tried to remember Sophie's advice on reactions. "Is that how you got cut?" He shook his head and at the same time seemingly spotted Steve because he was soon taking her from Parker's hand and placing her in his lap.
"Were you fighting last night?" There was no confirmation or denial as he repeatedly ran a finger over the kitten.
If Nate was acting anything like Eliot right now than Hardison's worry was clearly understood by her but she knew whatever had gone on between them had been more than a fight. Though he hadn't said a word Eliot was telling her as much and it had her thinking that maybe Nate had hit some uncharted territory.
"You ever wonder how it would be to free fall?" She hadn't been expecting him to say anything so it took her a minute to figure out what he meant.
"Without a rig you'd fall to your death, simple as that." There was nothing to wonder about, she certainly hadn't.
"But before that... knowing that the feeling you're having will be your last.
That there's no one, nothing that can save you once you drop, it's got to intensify death."
She understood the freedom you felt when falling, it was a feeling like no other and she loved it, but never had she ever thought of actually dying during a jump. Eliot was speaking of death as if it was something to be fond of and for the first time she was thinking there was something wrong with him. "I guess. Unless you fall or were pushed."
"Life is something you control, people come in and take them away, you sneak up and take theirs." She was becoming disturbed by the eerie way he was speaking. "One for another without reason or care knowing that you have to take theirs before they get yours. But why? Who says you're worth any more than them? The good are always first to go. It's never more than scum against trash in the end. So why? In that split second that determines whether it's you or them why do you think your life is more valuable?"
"Because it's yours?" Though he was looking out his eyes seemed empty and she was having a hard time trying to figure out what he meant.
"Not once you've killed someone.
Suddenly they're there with you every second of every day and you realize..." She watched as he reeled something in, playing mindlessly with the kittens ear as he chewed on his lip.
It had to be five minutes of her trying to figure out if that had been straight what he meant or double talk when he let out a low, "I would have been better off dead."
It sounded like he was admitting he had given up on his life, was waiting for death and she couldn't think of a damn thing to say.
Her head was spinning with everything she'd learned today and to top it off she still didn't know what to do about Steve.
She sat there for a little longer not wanting to leave immediately after what she had just heard but after too long of a silence that was beginning to creep her out she did and seconds later was met by Hardison. "So what did he say?"
Parker and Eliot were both to the point people and her taking so long was suspicious.
"Not much. He talked a bit about free falls and death but I didn't really understand it."
"He was talking about killing people?" If this day hadn't just gotten more unnerving.
"More like how people kill each other and how they'd just be better off killing themselves." She was still confused with how literal he had been but that had been what she deciphered.
"Did you just say Eliot thinks he should kill himself!" Somebody please tell him he had heard wrong. First domestic abuse and now suicidal thoughts, maybe they didn't know this but he was not a damn therapist!
"No, just that he'd be better off dead."
"Oh that's much better!" He had already went off in search of Nate hoping that Parker had misunderstood Eliot. Things were getting too shaky for his liking and he was gonna make sure Nate knew his job was to fix it. "Nate we got problems man." It was upstairs of all places that they found him.
"Yeah Steve isn't getting fed." Parker threw in. As long as Nate was going to fix things why not Steve's situation.
"Steve?" Nate questioned. He had nearly been jumped coming out of the bathroom.
"My kitty, her mother wont fee-"
"Not now Parker!" Did she not understand that her cat was the least of their worries right now?
Her "Sorry" was mostly sarcastic as they followed Nate toward the staircase, Hardison herding them into the spare bedroom before he could start down the stairs.
"Would you care to explain?" Nate spoke impatiently as Hardison closed them all in the room. He didn't appreciate being manhandled.
"Me and Parker wanna know what's going on." He crossed his arms as he leaned against the door.
"It isn't any of your concern." He had thought he'd made that clear but apparently not.
"Not my concern! You're walking around like you just went a round with Tyson and Parker says Eliot ain't much better!" Parker nodded her agreement and he couldn't help but think it was about time.
"How so?" Nate asked her as he kept an eye on Hardison. He had gained a little more backbone with his opinions since learning of their relationship but there was still a line and Nate would let it be more than known if he dared cross it.
"He didn't seem like he was there." Parker spoke as she hopped onto a spare chest of drawers. "He was talking and I don't know if this'll make sense to you but it was like he wasn't saying anything. The words were there they just couldn't grasp a meaning." She had confused herself but it looked like Nate understood.
"He was like that with me too."
She recognized his furrowed brow as the one he usually made while he was forming a plan so she did what she usually would and gave him any other details she had that might be pertinent. "It was like only half of him was there and aware. I don't even think he knew he'd been bleeding until after I pointed it out."
"He's bleeding!" The echo was fierce and the emotions were mixed.
"Not anymore. I didn't get a good look but the blood was dry and I'd say it had been that way for at least an hour."
"You see Nate! You're bruised, he's bleeding, and we're in the middle of it!"
"You are not in the middle of anything." Nate disagreed. He had his own problems to sort through and he didn't need Hardison inventing more.
"Well then I'm putting myself there! Something's goin' on and one way or another I'm gonna figure it out!" Nate's look was challenging but he stole some nerve and met it. "Don't think I wont turn this house into an episode of Intervention!" Parker wrinkled her nose with a mumbled, "I hate that show" as she continued to watch the others.
"I told you it was nothing because it isn't anything.
You can put your ridiculous ideas and crazy theories right back where you got them from because right now they couldn't be farther from the truth.
Now I'll continue the favor and forget about this," If Hardison kept it up he might just have to blot the day out completely. "and Parker... just go bother a vet."
"Which one?" This is why she needed Eliot, he'd know these things.
"You can't just tell me I'm off and not why.
You keep on saying it's nothing but how do you expect me to believe that when you're marked with proof?" Hardison interrupted Parker as he kept his position in front of the door.
"How do you expect me to tell you what I don't know Hardison?" Nate threw right back.
"How don't you know?" Hardison was the one to speak but Parker looked just as curious.
"Because I'm not in his head! I don't know what's going through his mind, what he's thinking, I don't know!"
"What went on? Why did you end up fighting?"
"We weren't..." Why Hardison insisted they had to have been fighting was beyond him but he ignored his annoyance and moved on. "Maybe it was a nightmare, possibly a flashback. I'm not sure but I'm telling you it was nothing because it was nothing. It has nothing to do with me and it sure doesn't involve you and I think it would be best if we all just give him some time to shake it off." He had other plans but those were the ones he expected them to follow.
"He was at your throat!
That ain't nothing when the man's trained to kill!" He knew Nate wasn't being completely open.
"HARDISON!" Parker jumped. It was louder and harsher than she had ever heard from Nate and it was easy to tell he was angry. "I'm done and unless you want to be too I suggest you move."
It was with a tight lip and a sour expression of his own that Hardison opened the door stepping aside.
He hadn't meant to sound accusing.
Eliot was a brother, there was no doubt about that but what he had done was something that just wasn't sitting well with him.
Now he knew it hadn't been under clear thought but that for him seemed even worse.
If the man he thought he knew could hurt one he was supposed to love then did he really know him at all?
"You called Eliot a killer."
"I didn't mean it like that Parker."
It was a few minutes of silence before they heard the back door slam and a look out the window showed Nate moving uneasily through the yard.
It was only then as he watched Nate walking down below that he started thinking about how he must be feeling.
To have someone you trust attack you so suddenly, it would have to be unnerving in the very least and he realized that he had been doing nothing more than rubbing it in.
Apologizing was the next thought that came to mind but Nate's foot connecting with a garbage can told him it was probably best to let him cool off first. "Come on," He took Parker's hands pulling her to stand. "lets go help Steve."
E/N: It's been so long that I feel like I may have lost hold of their voices which I hope isn't true!
Have I been painting either Nate or Eliot with a really feminine brush?
I don't like it when one of the men in a homosexual relationship is really made out to be overly emotional and even "girly" and I hope I haven't been doing so.
I don't know... but you let me know if I've been doing that because it really peeves me.
Anyway,
What is going on now?
Hardison is having a freak out and Parker is just trying to keep boundaries... Eliot is... God knows what he's doing right now ... and poor Nate. Even when he seems to be winning he ends up losing.