Chapter Forty-Six

"So I heard you got banged up pretty bad." Pete spoke absently as he passed the salad over to Sarah. "That had to be rough."

"I'd rather not get in to it." Eliot couldn't help but look for what reaction Pete's words had stirred in the kids.

"Well that's understandable with how much time you've spent laid up.
All those doctors in your face have got to be annoying after a while." Sarah hadn't shared much and what better way to get it than first hand.

"Something like that." Eliot watched with awe at how much Sarah was piling on her plate but soon glared as she snatched his and put the heaping one in its place.

"How's the leg handling for you?" He had heard of the horrid colors that long marred it and it was sort of intriguing.

"It's moving." They didn't need to know that it was currently killing him.

"You just barely got your cast off last month right?"

"Pete!" Sarah admonished.
He was always running his mouth before he actually thought of the words coming out of it.

"Sorry" He quickly apologized.
He could see where the curiousness might come off as rude.

"It's fine. I just don't think it's an appropriate topic for our current company." He motioned to the younger two figuring his phrasing had been better than, "the kids".

"How about work though?
I know you were looking for some last time you were around so you probably don't have medical."
He felt sorry for the guy if he was left to pay all those expenses out of pocket.

"Geeze Pete.
Why don't you try starting with a 'How was your day'?"
She didn't know what had gotten in to him tonight.

"No, I haven't been able to work for a few months now but I've got insurance."
They weren't looking to believe him which was insulting.
"I've got a policy through Nate's company, my bills are covered."

"You work for Nate?" He didn't heed Sarah's warning as he continued on.

"For the past five years I've worked with him off and on.
I've got stability Pete." He didn't like being painted as the bum brother in law.

"Well of course you do.
I just meant that those kind of bills really throw people off their feet and we'd give you some help if you needed it."

"I'm sure he knows that Pete." This guy!
Eliot was a proud person and here Pete was questioning his ability to take care of himself.

"I appreciate the offer, really I do so I'll keep it in mind." No matter what he said he wouldn't be believed.

In Pete's eyes he was another rough neck that moved from site to site,
lived paycheck to paycheck, and had no real commitment to anything.

A single man that had more jobs than jeans, of course they didn't think he had financial security.

"Becca, Why don't you tell Uncle Eliot how excited you are to start school next month."
Anything to change the subject and it was a bonus if it stopped Pete from digging that hole any deeper.

"You do start school next month don't you?" Eliot went with Sarah's diversion.

"I gotta princess book bag" Was what he made out over a mouth full of potatoes.

"Well of course you did.
What else could do for a princess?"

"You're giving the girl a big head." Sarah shook hers.

"She can't help being beautiful and why shouldn't I tell her so?" Being around Becca made him think that he'd have wanted his baby to be a girl.
She'd have been every bit as angelic as her mother.

"As long as she doesn't start relying on those looks for everything." She wanted more than that for her daughter.

"Now you wouldn't do that would ya?" He lifted her chin affectionately and she smiled.
She was going to be a little heartbreaker.

"Just like her mother." Pete remarked.

"Hey!" It might have been a little true, but still.

"And you Brian?" Eliot pulled him into the conversation. "Are you gonna try out for any sports this year?"

"If mom lets me."

"What does that mean if I let you?" He said it as if she'd already told him no.

"That you pretty much chase the boy around with a box of band-aids." Pete laughed.

"I do not!" They exaggerated.

"Do too." Brian threw in.

"Boy," Maybe she might be a little overprotective but when did that become a bad thing? "just eat your beans."

Eliot smirked as he dropped his shoulders and continued to push green beans around his plate.
"You too Eliot." He laughed as she dropped him another spoonful.
He hadn't even lifted his fork yet. "Yes ma'am." He lifted the utensil to, much like Brian, push his food around but just them the doorbell sounded.

"Who's that?" Pete wondered.

"How would we-" Sarah didn't even bother finishing as she left to find out.
She was married to a daft big mouth.

"Sarah" Was the greeting she received as she opened the door to an undecided looking Nate.

"Nathan"

From that he knew to tread carefully.
Formal meant he might not be welcome. "Is Eliot here?"

"We were just having dinner." She offered as he stood on the porch awkwardly.
"You can join if you'd like." She didn't know if Eliot would like it or not but she wouldn't be rude.

"I don't want to intrude I'd just like to speak with Eliot for a moment."
There was no way he could sit down with this family right now and not ruin their dinner.

"Well he's in the kitchen." She opened the door further hoping he'd get the message.
She sure wasn't playing messenger.

He only paused a moment before stepping into the house and then like any good guest waited for her to lead the way.

"Eliot you have a visitor." She didn't know how else to phrase it as she walked back into the kitchen.

"Nay-Nay!"

"Hey kiddo!" Becca just about tackled him and he willingly lifted her.
At least he knew someone was happy to see him. "How have you been doing?"

"Good!"

"Good! Well that's good." He caught eyes with Eliot who had stood and it brought him back to point.
"You do me a favor and finish your food okay." Nate placed a nodding Becca back down and was soon following Eliot out of the room.

"What are you doing here Nate?" Eliot didn't stop until he reached the front door.

"Well I thought I'd come and see how you were doing but I guess I got my answer.
Between the haircut and the dinner I'd say you're having a great day." Nate whispered harshly.

Eliot was up and looking well for his family but for him?
All he got was angry backlash.

"Out" There was a set in those eyes that had Nate obeying, he'd choose his battles wisely.
"You've got another thing comin' if you think you're gonna come here and disrespect." Eliot immediately warned as he pulled the door closed behind them.

Nate huffed as Eliot leaned against the railing with crossed arms.

"What do you want?"

"What do I want?" If only the question was that easy.

"Nate" Just him being there was a big clue and he had already set himself for what was to come.

"We're always back and forth, off and on and I'm tired of it.
The confusion is ridiculous and I'm going to clear it right now.
I quit. I'm done."

He didn't know what he was expecting but "Alright" wasn't it.

"Alright? All you've got to say is alright?"

"What do you want me to say?" Nate looked like he was upset which didn't even make sense.

"Something other than alright!" After everything they'd been through Eliot should surely have something to say.

"Well I don't know what you wanna hear cause I ain't gonna beg."

A whole other type of fire lit in Nate's eyes. "How about why? Because you can't tell me you don't know how we got here.
You pushed us to this!" There. That's how he felt and he let it out. "Why Eliot?"

The man was looking out, ignoring him completely but he wouldn't let it stay that way. "Why!"

"Because it hurt!" With a deep breath he pushed off the railing and moved to sit on the swing. "It hurt damn it."

"So I get punished because you got hurt?"

He shook his head, Nate wasn't understanding. "Pain don't hurt. Not like what I see in your eyes when you're sittin' there."
It had come to the point where he couldn't even look in them anymore without feeling torn apart.

"Can't you see that it kills me…
just knowing that everything you're thinking and feeling is for my fault.
You don't need to be going through all the trouble of the doctors and appointments again.
To be barely keeping it together while you're watching me fall apart." It hurt all the more knowing Nate spent
his mornings trying to drink away some misery before he stood to face the day.

"That's my choice." He knew Eliot was speaking about Sam and he'd be lying if he said some days he didn't get a serious case of deja vu.
"That's what you do for the people you love."

"I couldn't do that." Slowly Nate sat next to him and seriously?
He was tired of these kinds of conversations. "I hurt people.
Unintentionally or not that's what I know, that's what I do, and this time it was happening to you.
I cause trouble for everyone that crosses my path and I didn't want to be doing that to you anymore so I fixed it the best way I could.
You're better off this way." Putting space between them really had been for the best.

"Really?" In no way could he see how he was better off. "What did it fix Eliot?
This could have brought us all the closer, we could have gotten through it together,
came out the other end stronger, instead you chose to let it break us.
With or without you there's pain but I wanted to help you carry some of yours, have you help me with mine, but now what?"

"Now you don't have to worry about mine." Hadn't he just explained why he'd done what he'd done?

"You know the same as me that it doesn't work like that.
After two years together I know you top to bottom, inside and out.

I've seen the tears, you've trusted me with the fears,
the smiles, the doubts, happy and sad, I've witnessed it all.

You've done the same for me and I don't think that you believe
I'd actually stop caring or wouldn't worry just because we weren't sharing a bed.

Not now that I know you, now that I loved you."

He honestly didn't know what to say to that.
There wasn't really anything he could say.

"And I came here to tell you all of this, to see what you think and where you stand, and it seems like you don't even care.
Like one way or the other it doesn't make a damn difference to you."

The phrase was designed for a response but Eliot couldn't find one to give. "I'm sorry."

"Sometimes people do the wrong things for the right reasons but in the end…" Nate paused in his words and Eliot recognized them as his own.
In doing so he decided to finish the thought. "They're still the wrong things."

"That man was a wise one and I don't know where he went but I think it's time you start listening to him again."

"And if I don't agree with what he says?" There was a constant battle going on between who he was,
who he used to be, and who he wanted to become.

"Well what is he saying?" He watched as Eliot stretched his leg which he knew was a sign of cramping in the limb.

"That I did the wrong thing for the wrong reasons.
That in trying not to hurt you I hurt myself instead which hurt you all the more." He didn't agree with it because it was true and painted a horrible picture.
"That I deserve exactly what's coming to me because it's what I wanted."

"No," Nate shook his head in disagreement. "You might have asked for it but it's not what you wanted."

"Than what do I want?" He didn't even know that answer.

"That's what I came to find out.
What do you really want Eliot?" He knew if he dug far enough he'd find that answer, and his Eliot.

"You said we're done." The thought of them lasting forever was foolish, the longer they were together the worse
things got and it probably was for the best to end things before that happened.

"And how many times haven't you said the same?
I don't care about what I said I care about what you want!" He made sure to turn so he could catch Eliot's full reaction.
"So what do YOU want Eliot?"

Expectant eyes told him that this was an opening, a chance, maybe his last, so he took it.
He didn't care that he was sitting on his sisters' front porch out in the open as he leaned in to kiss Nate.
It wasn't much but it got him close and that's where he stayed.

"You…" Stunned was close but shocked was probably a better word to describe how he felt.
"You haven't…" Eliot decided to finish a thought Nate was having trouble with. "Not since they told me I was sick."

"Why?" Affection had done died between them, more specifically Eliot had killed it.

"No one knew what I had and it just kept on getting worse.
There weren't any answers and I didn't want to risk anything when there might have been a chance I could pass it."
The guilt he would have felt from that would've been too much. "Just imagine how high it would be piled if we were in the same boat."

"That would be," and suddenly Eliot's words started to sink in.
They had all been spoken in a past tense. "Exactly what boat are you in Eliot?"

An annoying ache in his lower back had Eliot readjusting on the swing with a silent prayer that it wasn't a sign of more trouble as he slowly answered.
"I have Lyme disease." Instead of looking at Nate he chose to inspect his bare feet. "Or at least that's what the doc says."

"Lyme disease?" Eliot nodded and he sighed.
He didn't know much about Lyme but he did know how you got it and everything they'd been through
seemed like too much trouble for a tiny tick to cause. "Well what did Torlyn have to say?"

"We barely touched base but I've got an appointment for tomorrow that should get everything covered."
He hated going to the hospital but that's where Torlyn worked and if he wanted to continue being seen by him they had to go through the hospital's clinic.

"So he had nothing to say at all?" Torlyn was good at his job, that he knew,
but it seemed like he had to constantly yell at the man to get him to do it.

"He said my seizure was provoked," Thankfully most of the after effects had disappeared.
The only thing that was really noticeable was the extra draw in his words but it was vague.
That and he was still having issues with his eye and blinking. "and I'm probably getting a line inserted."

"Do you know what kind they're placing?" The idea of tubing leading toward Eliot's heart, of possibly needing a surgery to place it wasn't a pleasant one.

"I'm thinking a PICC but I'll find out for sure tomorrow."
The ache was starting to turn into an outright pain so he shifted into Nate hoping it was from nothing more than pressure being applied by the swings hard back.

"Are you nervous about getting it done?" He knew Eliot ha a 'ya do what ya gotta do' attitude but that didn't really cover how he felt when he was getting them done.

"No… I just…" The words weren't hard to find but he took his time in saying them, Nate starting to tangle and twine their fingers.
"You know how sometimes you get that uneasy feeling for no real reason at all?" Nate nodded his agreement as he moved his foot to start the slightest of motion.
"I have one of them right now."

"Just trust yourself and what you know and you'll be fine." Eliot was usually dead on about his feelings and it had Nate hoping he'd be wrong.

"I've already done two separate sets of antibiotics though." Eliot shared a thought that had started bothering him early that morning.
"So what's going to make this time any different from those?"

"The treatment's probably more aggressive… and the main target was different last time."

It would have been convincing if it weren't for how many times he had been falsely reassured, but still, he'd let Nate believe it. "True, and they actually know what they're treating this time."

"Exactly" The positive attitude was purely for Eliot's sake because he wouldn't be satisfied until he had actual proof of improvement.

Crickets served as background music as Eliot did his best to stay away
from negative thoughts and Nate tried to stay away from thoughts all together.

Despite his best efforts one hit him and the irony had him sharing it. "This has been one hell of a vacation."

For that Eliot lifted his head to look at Nate. "If you consider this vacation it's no wonder you work all the time."

"Well… now it hasn't been all bad." In the very least he'd claim, albeit a few, good days.

"We are not counting this as an actual vacation." Eliot's words were so stern that it was almost funny.

"You've gotta admit that it's been more exciting than any two week getaway would have been."

"I'd take the beach any day." He was the first to go for adventure and excitement but if this was what Nate considered as such it wasn't for him.

"You just name the day and we'll go."A day away from all worry sounded like pure heaven.

"The only place I want to go is home." He pulled his legs up on the swing with the realization
that it must be getting late for the light behind them, like many others on the street, had been shut off.

"And what if we got one on the beach?" Nate spoke casually as he put an arm around Eliot.

"You and me buying a beach house?" It was surely something to think about.
He'd thought if houses ever came into the subject Nate would assume he'd want a ranch or something of the like.

"Yeah… and in like five years when we're all old and useless…" Eliot huffed out a laugh at that. "we can open up a local place where you'll become famous for your lobster roll."

"I don't think I've ever made a lobster roll." Nate was talking about opening up a business together but strangely enough the lobster roll was what was throwing him off.

"Well now you've got a reason to learn how."

"Do you really think we'll make it another five years?" All jokes aside he wasn't so certain.

"I think we can make it another fifty if we want… but you can't give up on me.
I need you to not be so stubborn.
I need you to hang in there instead of trying to pull out… and I need you.
Don't worry about whether I'd be better off or not… I'm old enough to make that decision for myself.
Just worry about you and giving it your all like I know you will."

Nate was better at expressing himself but he found a few words that would do the trick. "I think I'd be famous for my chowder instead."

The laugh that echoed around the porch let him know that his words had been understood which brought a slight smile of his own.

After that Nate settled more into the swing and Eliot into him but it wasn't exactly
peaceful as Nate's earlier words started to bother him. "You do know that I care right?"

"Eliot I didn't"

"No, I understand why you'd think that because I don't ever say it but I do…"
Eliot was looking at him with complete and open honesty and he knew this was something he felt he needed to say. "I care and…"

Struggle was clear and Nate knew what was coming. "You don't have to sa-"

"I love you." He didn't know why it was always so difficult to put those words together but he did know that no matter what Nate said they needed to be heard. "I really do love you."

He got a taste of a kiss for how big Nate's smile was but that was alright by him.
He'd never seen Nate smile or heard him laugh the way he had since their start and it had him believing
that maybe he could claim the credit; he knew Nate could do the same for him.

"I… I will never tire of hearing that." This had been what he'd come for.
All he wanted was to know his efforts weren't in vain, that it was still worth the fight.

"Good" Eliot spoke as he offered a kiss of better quality.
He might not have been able to speak those words every day
but he got them out when they mattered which seemed to make them matter all the more.

"You know…" Nate spoke a bit breathlessly as he pulled away. "I like the hair, the hair's good."

Eliot could tell by the way Nate's fingers were twisted in it as he let out an amused breath against his neck. "Just don't tell Sarah that."

"Sarah did this?" The thought was kind of funny but he didn't get to laugh at it as he let out an, "Oww… that… Did you just bite my ear!"

Eliot's answer was to bite it again.
He heard the smirk in those words and he didn't see the humor.

"Hey now! I can't have you marking me all up, I've got work tomorrow."

"Oh yeah?" He figured why not leave a few marks since he'd already been accused. "What's your cover?"

"Modeling agent." Eliot laughed at that.
If anything a few love marks would help Nate's cover.

"I'll have you know I run a classy operation." Plus he didn't feel like explaining bite marks and hickies to nosey team mates.

"I'm sure it's only the best." Eliot relented as he pulled away.

"I've got to get going." He was disappointed to say it but it was true.

"Alright" He smirked as Nate stood with the complaints of a bad back and being old.
If only he knew of the fire that was currently blazing through his own.

"What time's your appointment tomorrow?" He offered a hand to Eliot who took it without hesitation.

"11:30 but I've got a feeling I'm going to be there a good while."His knee popped not so quietly and it had Nate looking down with displeasure.

"I'll try to make it." The whole group had an early start tomorrow and he didn't think
they'd be finished until well into the night but if he timed everything right his personal part in the day could be finished by noon.

"You don't have to." He'd already told Sarah that she'd just be dropping him off.

"I'll be there." Hopefully his word would stay good.

Nodding his head Eliot offered a soft, 'night' as he turned the door handle to his sisters' home.

"Hey" Eliot turned back into a soft kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow" and with that he watched Nate go down the stairs soon turning to go inside.

"And what hours are these to be getting home mister?" Sarah stood expectantly in the living rooms entry way with a hand on her pajama covered hip.

"I never left." He didn't know what time it was but it was obviously a lot later than he suspected.

"So?" Her tone changed as she sat on the couch prompting him to join her.

"So what?" He didn't see where the question had come from or toward what it was directed.

"So what went on with Nate?" She'd heard the creaking of the swing and had been oh so tempted to spy.

Standing up he shook his head before placing a gentle kiss to hers. "Go to sleep Sarah."

That was his plan, well at least until his stomach rolled and he was making a detour.
There was nothing like losing your stomach to end what had been an overall decent day.

E/N: RL is too crazy!
I have missed writing this for ya'll so much that I just couldn't wait another day to do it.

Instead of going to sleep after I got home last night I decided to dive into the loveliness of Neliot...
So here I sit 8 hours and 4,000+ words later extremely tired but satisfied...

Let me know what you think
It might keep me awake for my shift that I just happen to remember starts in TWO hours (I'm so telling my boss it's all Sophie's fault, lol)