When Beth looked down at her plate that morning, she couldn't believe her eyes. Neither could Courtney, and Geoff was completely beside himself with joy. Served to them today were steaks, and not the rubbery ground up meatloaf that was sometimes passed off as steaks either. These were big, juicy ribeyes, with a side of fluffy scrambled eggs, that were so fanciful as to even have salt and pepper added for flavor. Even the orange juice tasted mostly fresh and cold, and at first the contestants could only sip it in tiny amounts, stupified that it was real. Every drink they expected to taste sewage, the splash of citrus bizarre and alien after months on their prison food diets.
The chance to eat real food was something cherished every time they were so blessed, but today it had an ominous and foreboding aspect. If Chris was feeding them this well, it could only mean he wanted them at peak performance for whatever he had planned today. The semifinals loomed ahead. The final three campers would soon become the two finalists, and certain campers had more confidence about their odds than others.
Courtney ate with the leisurely pace of someone who had no hurry to be anywhere. Victory, in her mind, was assured. So it was best to preserve dignity, to eat one bite at a time, chewing with her mouth closed. Putting on the face of the perfect winner, so that they could get lots of flattering shots to use in the big montage devoted to her after she won.
Geoff gobbled up his food with all the reckless abandon of someone who thought they might die tomorrow. He crudely cut his steak into large sections, crudely biting off pieces of those. Life was good, and now was the time to enjoy it, no holding back. The rich flavors were so overwhelming to his deprived sense of taste that tears of joy streamed down his face with every bite he took.
Finally, Beth munched anxiously, but deliberately. She knew her situation wasn't good, but she tried to keep her chin up and have a good attitude about it. A confessional earlier that morning put her thoughts out more clearly.
"Wow, I'm really here in the Final Three." Beth shook her head in disbelief. "I guess Heather wasn't lying about that after all. Thanks Heather." She waved at the camera with a sly smile. "I'd love to make it all the way to the finale, there's just one teensy tiny problem. Courtney. She thinks she has this whole thing already in the bag, just because she was class president, or because her grades were amazing, she kicks butt in challenges, has Geoff in her corner, and she was a CIT." Beth swallowed nervously, tugging at her collar. "She's not so tough." She lied.
Not long after Beth got that off her chest, Geoff barged into the confessional to do some business and get his thoughts out afterwards, and thankfully only the latter was aired. "Man this is so sick! Bridgette is gonna be so stoked to see me and Courtney in the winners circle man! I'm ready for whatever sick challenge Chris throws at me today, I can take it! Woooooo!"
Keenly aware that all eyes would be on her as she went into the finale, Courtney wasted no time giving the producers some of her innermost thoughts. "What do I think of being in the Final Three? Well I'm incredibly grateful to all the teachers, counselors and everyone in my family for helping me become the person I am today." She said, flashing a campaign-winning smile and wave at the camera. "The sort of person who can make it this far in a game like Total Drama Island. Of course, I haven't won yet, there's just one little thing standing in my way before that happens. Beth. Now, I have no ill-will against her. She's a sweet girl, and it's impressive that someone so deprived of looks and social skills was able to overcome so much and play such a fantastic game. She'll be an inspiration to bullied kids across the country, I'm sure."
"Whatever today's competition brings, I intend to best her fair and square. She's shown herself to be stubborn and tenacious, so she won't leave the game easily. Which is fine by me. I welcome the challenge."
It wouldn't be long before they discovered exactly what awaited them. Not long after they'd finished their breakfast, the public address system shrieked with the familiar sound of Chris beckoning to their penultimate battle at the amphitheater. By now, the three hardy veterans of over twenty challenges knew the campgrounds so well that they could have walked there blindfolded. They wasted no time in arriving there.
Some time had passed since the last challenge was held at the amphitheater. As Courtney recalled…it had been right after the merge, hadn't it? That was when the homeschool and Gwen's boyfriend had returned. By far the most vivid memory for that this placed recalled was that of her violin solo. She felt a swell of pride as she recalled it, able to remember every second, every note played, and the pure joy of pulling victory from the jaws of defeat. This is where she had proven she was still worthy as a competitor. Now she was called upon to prove herself here once again.
For Beth and Geoff the place evoked far less of an emotional response. Geoff remembered it as the place he bonked his head on while trying to do some sick skateboard tricks. It was still a fond memory however, he ended up getting a real close look at Bridgette's face. Meanwhile Beth's only association with the talent show was nearly burning down the whole thing with her flaming baton trick. That could have ended very badly, maybe even ending her run on the show preemptively. Strange to think, how many times that had happened during Total Drama Island.
It wasn't all bad memories however. This was where she'd first reached out to Zeke, and kindled a wonderful friendship in doing so. It had helped her get away from Heather, helped her be more the kind of person she wanted to be. In some way, she had him to thank for her standing here right now. She couldn't let him down now.
Waiting for them on the stage were Chris and Chef. "Welcome campers, to your second to very last challenge." The host greeted, gesturing to three chairs staged behind an old desk and some crates. "Get comfortable, today is gonna be a brutal, grueling test of your endurance, willpower and stamina."
They did as told and took their seats. "So, what is it?" Beth ventured to ask. She noticed there was something tall hidden under a tablecloth, shaped vaguely like that wheel from the torture challenge. They wouldn't bring it back without some kind of twist, they didn't just repeat challenges on this show. Another hint of what was to come was a large scoreboard rigged up to the beams overhead, the same from which the dividing curtains hung. On the board were three score counters, of three digits each. There was little doubt as to why there were that many, but what would they be counting, exactly?
"That's a fascinating question, but before we began I thought you all could use a little motivator." Chris said. "I want all of you to bring your A-game, so here's a little reminder of what you're fighting for."
A large flat screen TV was rolled out onto the stage via a cart, with a DVD player hooked up to it.
"We sent our studio representatives to each of your respective families, and after they so cooperatively signed their nondisclosure agreements, let them know their kids had made it to the Final Three. They were stoked to hear it. Though, I gotta admit Courtney, yours were pretty meh about it, kinda expected more of a reaction y'know?"
Courtney's nails dug into the wood surface of the desk nervously, her lips pressing together. "I'm sure they were just being polite and proper." She assured him.
"Maybe." Chris shrugged. "All your families have recorded their thoughts, their hopes, their prayers for your success in the semifinals." Chris withdrew a DVD from an envelope in his pocket. "Elizabeth Lewis. Geoff Mitchell. Courtney Valentino." He said each name with a heavy gravitas. "Let's see what your folks have to say about you making it this far."
He then inserted the DVD into the player, which whirred to life as the screen transitioned from an empty blue panel reading 'NO SIGNAL' into loading.
When an image finally resolved on the screen, they were treated to a widescreen view of a small country home, somewhere in the vast Saskatchewan countryside. One could easily tell it was Saskatchewan because through the open window in the background, all they could see was a vast, endless expanse of corn stretching across the horizon. The interior of the house itself could charitably be described as boldly retro. Uncharitably, it was horrifically outdated. Yellowed old wallpaper was peeling back from the corners, in bright eighties pastel colors that raged against the mute, monochromatic patterns so prolific in more modern homes.
Sat on a couch old enough to be Beth's mother, was Beth's mother,
It wasn't just her human family who had gathered there for her either. Seated at the end of the couch was an elderly teacup pig, with a deep black coat on her front that sharply transitioned to a more stereotypical swine pink halfway down her midsection. Beth's eyes lit up and she instinctively waved at the screen.
"Oh my gosh, Bertha! Hiiiiii!"
"You know they can't hear you right?" Courtney said. "It's a recording."
Beth didn't care.
"Hey Beth, so glad to hear our little girl is in the final three." Her Mother began, and at just the mention of her name Bertha's snout turned upwards and she jumped down from the couch. She paced in circles around the camera, in a manner that harkened back to the foraging of her wild ancestors, and her feral cousins.
"Awwww." Her mother cooed. "Someone misses you."
"And so do we." Her father said, conveying little real enthusiasm. "You're gonna be famous kiddo! Just like you always wanted!"
"We're so excited for you. Just think of all the reporters who will swarm the house wanting to meet our little starlet." Her mother was practically giddy with excitement.
"Hey once you get that big suitcase full of money, ya think you can put in a good word to the producers for us?" Her father asked. "I've got this killer idea for a spin-off show about ice fishing on Lake Huron."
There it was. Beth winced. She always knew her family was, well…like her. They wanted to be stars when they were her age, and when they'd passed that time in their lives they'd been very supportive of her constantly chasing acceptance at school, and fame abroad. Almost a little too supportive at times. To the point that anything she did without their support was viewed with suspicion and disdain. That's why she'd kept her audition secret from them until she knew she'd be accepted to Total Drama Island. To prove she could do this on her own.
Before coming on the show Beth would have been delighted to see them fawning over her success, but now, after seeing Heather for what she was, she couldn't help but see a lot of that here too.
"Oooh! And your Aunt Gertrude has this great pitch for a knitting segment," Her mother said. "She calls it Knittin with Kittens, cause in every episode she knits a new outfit for one of her twelve kitty cats. Doesn't that sound fun?"
"Sounds great, I'll pass it on." Beth lied. Habit forced a response even when the person was just an image on the screen.
"Don't worry too much about your kookie old Aunt's knitting shows." Her father cut in. "Just have have fun- and look good for the cameras."
"What do you mean old?" Her mother's brow furrowed. "She's only two years ahead of me."
Her father froze up like a deer caught in headlights, grimacing. "Crud." He muttered under his breath. Then they both realized they were still on camera, and the smiles forced their way back onto their faces.
"Well alright honey." Her mother waved awkwardly, "You take care now."
"Yeah, take care, and good luck! Wait, Bertha no!"
The camera then toppled over, and everyone was treated to an exceedingly close up view of a pig snout as Bertha tried to find Beth inside the lifeless, black plastic box with which had captured the video. Her search was fruitless however, and the screen went back just as Beth's Dad stood up to shoo away the lovesick suid. Chris pulled the remote out of his shirt pocket and paused the DVD.
"Awww, poor baby." Beth clasped her hands together, "Don't worry Bertha, Big Sis Beth is gonna be home soon!"
Silently, Courtney agreed with her.
"Well Beth, can we expect to see your folks back home on their own spinoff shows any time soon?" Chris teased, with a shit-eating grin plastered all over his face. "I'm gonna be real, if I were a producer I would personally sign off on Knittin With Kittens."
Beth's face flashed red. "O-oh I uh…well, I'll have to go home and talk about it with them." She shrugged. "It's too early to say."
"We'll see about that." Chris said, resuming the playback. A flicker of static as the video feed transitioned to the next message, and a new scene appeared before them on the television.
An outdoor patio overlooked a long, sandy Nova Scotian beach, and beyond it the waves of the Atlantic Ocean lapped against the shore. Flocks of seagulls darted past in the background, some occasionally coming to land on the patio rails, often leaving little white smears in their wake. The patio itself was decorated with those cheap, white plastic chairs you could buy at big retail stores, with the tables matching in style.
Every single one of those plastic chairs was filled. For Geoff, it wasn't just his Mom and Dad here to say hello, but a whole host of brothers, cousins, aunts and uncles. At the center of the group were his parents and his three younger brothers, one older brother, one older sister, and one incoming younger sister. It was a very full household, that served as a foreboding prophecy of his own future.
"Yoooo, Geoff, how ya doin?" His Dad started off.
"Having fun out there?" His mother asked, then chuckled. "Oh what am I saying. You've probably brought all the fun you could ever need with you."
"That's my boy!" His Dad beat his chest proudly. "Always bringing a rocking partitude wherever he goes. And now he's rocked all the way to the semi-finals! Yeah baby!"
"Now remember Geoff." His Mom said. "It doesn't matter if you win or not. We're already super proud of you for getting so far."
"You're already a winner in our hearts." His Dad confirmed. "Buuuuut the extra cash would be nice. Hehe."
"And if you do win," One of his brothers interjected. "We could take a family vacation to party in some seriously rad places!"
"Oooh! Like Australia!" Another one cut in. "They have the best beaches! We could go snorkling on that big reef like in the fish movie, and then catch some big waves!"
Geoff perked up excitedly at the idea of going to Australia. Bridgette had a lot of great things to say about Australia, now they could enjoy it together.
"Nah man, we've gotta like, go to Africa and do a safari! I wanna see some elephants."
Now Geoff was having second thoughts about Australia- Bridgette also loved animals. She'd be so excited to get a chance to interact with wild elephants.
"Aw dude, elephants are so sick! But you know what's even more sick? Italy. They got wicked parties, fast cars and hot babes."
How could he say no to that? Geoff loved Italian food, where better to get it than at the source? Besides, he heard that Europe was romantic and stuff, which he was down for.
"You've all got it wrong. We gotta hit up Florida, then sail down to Jamaica. The Caribbean is where it's at baby."
Right, Jamaica, that's where DJ was from. Once he got better they could meet up, and Geoff could take his buddy down to his old homeland. That'd be sweet. And they could hit Disneyland on the way down through Florida! Double sweet. Geoff's mind spun with the possibilities, each grappling for dominance inside his limited brain space.
"Okay boys." Their Dad laughed. "Settle down."
They all did as told and for a moment the chaos subsided, allowing Geoff's Dad a moment to get a few words in. "Listen, Geoff, since it'll be your party when you get back, you can pick any place you wanna go. You've earned it."
"Now we've gotta go sweetie. Everyone, say goodbye to Geoff."
"Bye Geoff!" His family waved to him.
"Bye guys! Love you lots, thanks for the good vibes!" Geoff waved back to them as the screen went black, a little tear welling up in the corner of his eye. "Man, I got some good people back home pulling for me."
Chris paused the video again. "Geoff, you are one lucky man, my dude. You've got a smoking hot gf and a family who will be there for you no matter what. Not all of us had that starting in this business, you know." A hint of bitterness crept into his voice.
"My heart goes out to those less fortunate people." Geoff said, oblivious to the one of those people standing right next to him. Chris just sighed and resumed playing back the video.
The third and final location was home office, with bright, sterile white lights. The desk was immaculately clean, all the papers were in their proper folders, pens in their holders, and behind them rows of shelves housed everything from legal codes to classical literature. It looks sleek, modern and sophisticated, a fitting match for the two figures standing in front of the desk.
On the right was a middle-aged man with thick black hair and a caterpillar mustache. Though his full cheeks and big nose looked jovial and approachable, the stern expression he wore was anything but. He wore a white suit, tailored for a perfect fit and ironed until the wrinkles were no more.
To the left stood a woman who looked uncannily like Courtney, with a quarter century added to her lifespan. Like her husband she too wore a pantsuit, this one blazing red. Her brown hair, a shade lighter than Courtney's, was tied up in a bun behind her head. She too, maintained a stern, aloof expression, her composure as solid as a rock.
Courtney's blood ran cold. She straightened up her posture, looked them right in the eye, and jammed a smile onto her face.
"Greetings Ms. Valentino." Her mother began. "If you're watching this, then you're still in the game. Good."
"We expected nothing less." Her father said with a plastic smile.
"Now, when you win, we expect you'll handle yourself with decorum." Her mother went on. "Nobody likes a sore winner, so remember to thank the host and be courteous to your opponent. Whoever they may be."
When she won. There was no if about it. That would not even be considered.
"And don't forget the potential repercussions for your legal career as well." Her father warned. "Reputation goes a long way in this field, and yours will greatly benefit from a good showing here."
"Of course, we're thinking much further into the future than just that." Her Mother says. "We've drawn up an investment portfolio for you when you return. It contains a diverse base of stocks and savings accounts to ensure your future wealth and success. A hundred thousand dollars will go a long ways if spent wisely at your age."
No mention of any alternative plans for if she didn't get the full one-hundred thousand. Courtney's nails carved canyons into the surface of the desk as she tried to keep a winning smile.
"Now, we won't keep you any longer dear." Her mother went on. "I'm sure the contest has a very full day's schedule. Stay safe."
"And make us proud." Her father added. The screen cut to black, and a couple of interns appeared to roll it offstage.
The atmosphere was somehow both warmer and more tense than it had been before.
"Well campers, I hoped you enjoyed hearing back from your loved ones at home. Now it's finally time to see what this challenge is all about." Chris said, ripping away the cover to reveal…well, it was large and circular, but it wasn't the same wheel as the torture challenge. This was a great big wooden board, cut into a circle with a comically large cardboard rendition of a soda bottle pinned to the center as a spinner. Along the circumference there were photos, not pictograms of various creative miseries, but rather the faces of departed contestants.
"Today's challenge is Total Drama Island's very one take on the classic game of spin the bottle. We asked our eliminated campers to come up with the craziest, most painful, nastiest dares they could come up with, and they did not disappoint." Chris said. "So here's how this is going to work."
"We're going to put you through ten rounds of dares. Each round, you'll come up and spin the wheel. Geoff goes first, then Beth, and Courtney finishes us off. Whoever's face you land on, you'll do one of the dares they gave us. That means your fate is in the hands of losers like Ezekiel, Eva, Duncan, Justin, Izzy, Tyler, Leshawna, Cody, Sadie, Harold, DJ, Bridgette, Trent, Owen, Katie, Lindsay, Noah, and Heather. Fun right?"
Nobody spoke up to agree with him.
"Each dare has been helpfully organized into one of three types. Hard, medium and easy, based on how soul-crushingly brutal the dare is. Finishing an easy dare gets you five points. Complete a medium dare, and you get ten. Manage to pull off one of the hardest dares, and you get a whopping twenty points. At the end of the ten rounds, the top scoring players will go on to the finale. The camper with the lowest score is today's loser, and will immediately drag their sorry butt over to the dock of shame, catch the boat of losers, and never come back. No not go to bonfire, do not cast vote, do not collect marshmallow."
Each word hit like a hammer blow. So it was another sudden death. Beth should have been even more afraid, but deep inside she breathed a sigh of relief.
"Sure, I knew that Courtney and Geoff were going to gang up on me." Beth said. "But this way I at least had a chance. If it was a vote they'd just send me home two to one. So I thought hey, maybe I have a shot this way. Always gotta look on the bright side."
"Get a high score, move on. Get a low score, get the boot. Sounds simple enough right?" Chris asked rhetorically. "Well, just to keep things interesting, there's a twist. After everyone has spun and received their dare, you'll have a chance to pass it to another camper. Passing a dare means they have to perform the dare you received. If you pass a dare and they fail to complete it, they get no points that round unless they also complete their original dare. You, meanwhile, get double the points from that dare added to your score, and can skip your own dare for the round. But, if they succeed at the dare you passed, they get double points, and you get the point value of that dare subtracted from your score."
"So what you're saying is, that it could increase our score, or it could backfire and help our opponent instead?" Courtney asked.
"Correcto." Chris nodded. "One last thing. Failure to do a dare will result in no points, and a lot of shame and mockery. Any questions?"
The campers remained silent. Every single one of them understood what they were up against, and were ready to do whatever it took to come out on top. Chris waited for a response, but their expressions already spoke louder than words. Now those would make for some great close-ups.
"Okay campers, let's begin." Chris said, motioning to the wheel. "Step right up and see what we have in store for you. Geoff, care to start us off?"
Ever the enthusiast, Geoff got up from his chair and took the lead. He gave the bottle a good spin, and the purple cap came to a stop pointing at Owen.
"Sweet, Owen my man." Geoff gave a thumbs up. Chris came up to the wheel and plucked Owen's picture from the board, tucking it in his shirt pocket.
"We'll see what the Island's biggest tub of fun has in store for you, but first. Ladies, come up."
Beth and Courtney followed along in that order, receiving their first dares from, receiving their dares from Sadie and Noah respectively. Once they were done, Chris pulled those photos off the board and read the dares on the back.
"Not a bad start." He said. "Geoff, you got one hard dare, to chug a whole gallon of milk in one minute. Don't worry, we had our intern test it, it's totally doable."
Courtney gasped. "You force fed those poor underpaid interns gallon milk jugs? That's cruel!"
"Huh?" Chris shook his head. "No, I said intern, singular. Barney asked to test this challenge himself. Weirdo. Beth, your medium dare for the round is to eat a whole newspaper. Courtney, you'll be doing the Lego fire walk. Ouch. Also a medium. Now, before you do the dares, does anyone want to pass theirs to someone else?"
"No way man." Geoff shook his head. "This would be one killer party trick."
"I'm good." Beth shrugged.
"I can handle walking over a few plastic kiddy toys." Courtney scoffed.
"Okay then, let's begin."
Their dares were carted out onto the stage, with Geoff's being the first. Mercifully, his milk appeared to be at least somewhat cold, judging by the droplets of condensation rolling down the sides of the container.
"Your timer begins in one minute. Then you have a minute to finish it." Chris explained to him. Good luck dude.
Geoff grabbed the jug by the handle and twisted the gap off, taking a few deep breaths as he prepared himself. He'd chugged soda at parties before, and even tried it with some illicit alcoholic beverages at some of the raunchier places he'd snuck into. Milk was different though. Milk didn't have the funny bubbles, so he wouldn't get any big burps out of it. It was just thicker, more filling water really. Not something Geoff was used to chugging, but he never once doubted his ability to learn new stunts, no matter how many times it made him deathly ill or put him in the emergency room.
When his prep time ran out, he simply started chugging, measuring his gulps to knock back as much milk as possible without gagging or running out of breath. Steadily the contents of the milk jug disappeared down his gullet. Though he had a couple close calls, nearly choking twice, he slammed down the empty jug with nine seconds to spare.
"Wicked!" Chris gave him a thumbs up. "You're off to a good start with twenty points. Let's see if Beth will enjoy her newspaper as much."
A rolled up newspaper was promptly provided to Beth, along with a bottle of water to help wash it down. She got the same minute of prep time, which she used to shred the newspaper into small ribbons that were more friendly for chewing and swallowing.
When that time ran out and she had to begin eating, she ate the highly fibrous meal with as much gusto as she could muster. The paper alone would have been tolerable, but the huge amounts of ink made it almost unbearably bitter. At the end of her minute she had gobbled down the entire contents of the newspaper, and used up the rest of her water bottle in an attempt to wash down the foul taste on her tongue.
"Not bad Beth. For that these ten points are all yours. And now, Courtney, time for your Lego fire walk. Get those shoes off and prepare to strut your stuff."
Several boxes of the iconic building block toys were brought onto the stage and dumped out to form a pathway about ten feet long. A short walk, littered with sharp-edged, hard plastic. Courtney set aside her shoes and socks, and without much fuss took her first steps into a very painful road.
In the years following the show's airing a certain segment of the viewers would develop concerning fixations. It was much to their chagrin that here, the focus was on the Courtney's face twisting and contorting with pain, and not the mauling the plastic shards were delivering to her bare feet. It didn't stop her however, and she crossed the finish line with only a mild amount of fuss and complaints.
"They should recall these damn things for public safety." Courtney said. "When I'm elected prime minister I am enforcing some serious safety standards on Lego. They will rue the day-"
"Yes yes, very nice." Chris rolled his eyes. "Take your ten points and zip it."
"Fine." Courtney sighed.
The second round went much like the first. Three dares were spun, this time coming from Cody, Harold, and Duncan, which were hard, medium and easy. Taking his second hard dare in a row, Geoff was told to eat a spoonful of cinnamon. It seemed innocuous enough, he loved eating the stuff on French Toast, or on cinnamon rolls.
"Are you sure this is a hard dare?" Geoff asked as Chef brought out the bowl of cinnamon, complete with a very tiny spoon
"Try it and see for yourself dude." Chris winked.
A more clever person would have been clued in to the fact this dare was deceptively difficult, but Geoff was not a clever person. He proceeded full steam ahead with gusto, taking a scoop of the brown powder and shoveling it into his mouth.
He lasted all of about five seconds before explosively exhaling the entire contents all over the stage. In small quantities, it made bread taste great, but at high concentrations it burned as much as any hot sauce. It was a reality that Geoff learned brutally quickly with a mouthful of it, and luckily for him as well. If it had gotten into his lungs it could have made one hell of an embarrassing medical emergency, but all it did here was make a hell of a mess and cost him the points. The ejecta that spewed from his mouth and nose kicked up even more of the cinnamon that was in the bowl, and Geoff hastily ran back to his seat to get out of the cloud of noxious spice. Needless to say, he did not get the points.
Beth's dare from Harold followed along similar lines, at least in the sense it was about unusual means of consumption. She would have to get on all fours and eat grass like an animal. When pitching this dare to the production crew, Harold had insisted it was purely intended as a test of the recipient's survival skills.
"Don't tell me you tested this one on humans too." Beth winced.
"Silly Beth, we test all of our challenges out on humans." Chris told her with unsettling glee.
A patch of grass the size of a dinner plate was brought out on stage and laid on the floor. Beth dropped to all fours and crawled towards it, showing off an uncanny ability to move quadrupedally. She looked bizarrely comfortable doing so, and she ignored the snickers and laughter from everyone as she started taking bites off the turf.
The taste was similar levels of gross to the newspaper, but in a different way. Grass certainly did not taste as good as it smelled, but the real unfortunate part was the texture. All the little blades created a sensory nightmare in her mouth, halfway between chewing on raw, unripe vegetables and a hairball.
Before she could finish her gag reflex kicked in, and she wretched up a goopy green pile of mushy grass and spit onto the floor. Beth collapsed onto her side, clutching her stomach painfully.
"Ugh… crud…." She groaned.
"Looks like Beth is having a baaaaa-aaaad day. Can she take any moooooo-re?" Chris said, making everyone facepalm at his awful attempts at barnyard humor. "We'll see if she chickens out in the next round, but for now she gets zero points."
Lastly there was Courtney, who had lucked out on an easy dare from Duncan. Chris handed her his phone with a number pre-dialed, and explained.
"For your dare, you gotta make a prank call the producers. I got the guy who greenlit this show's number already punched in, you just gotta ring em up and spoof em." Chris explained.
"The producers? I-Is that even allowed? I've never made a prank call before and-"
"Awwwww are you seriously gonna pass up five easy points because you're too much of a goody two shoes?" Chris taunted.
Her eyes hardened into a steely glare. "No." She said, and started the call.
The phone rang three times before someone on the other end picked up. "Chris? What are you calling for at this hour?" The voice on the other end sounded like an older gentleman, one who was mildly annoyed and hiding it poorly. "You're supposed to be filming."
"Chris is indisposed right now." She informed him, trying desperately to sound authoritative.
"Then to whom do I owe the pleasure of speaking?" He asked with barely concealed displeasure.
Courtney paused as her mind whirled with options. She made business calls, organized group study meetings and vented about lazy members in her group projects over the phone, this was so far outside her comfort zone.
"Ask him if his refrigerator is running." Geoff whispered.
Courtney raised a brow. It sounded stupid, but also if she waited any longer he'd probably hang up. She'd just have to go for it.
"I'm…calling as a representative of…Toronto Gas and Electric Company." She cleared her throat. "Is your refrigerator running?"
"My refrigerator? If you mean the one in my office, yes, it is running fine."
"I'm sorry sir, but you must be mistaken." Courtney replied, now slipping comfortably into the flow of her ruse. "We just received the report from the inspector and your refrigerator is not running, it has a defective motor pump."
"Motor pump? That's preposterous, there's no such thing!"
"Oh there is, and yours went out last week. We've already dispatched the repairman sir, that'll be ten thousand dollars for the visit. I expect it wired to our business account by Monday morning or there will be hell to pay. Thank your for your business."
She then hung up on the flabbergasted executive. Her eye twitched a little as she handed the phone back to Chris, before she burst out in hysterical laughter.
"Oh my god I can't believe I actually did that. That was crazy."
"Looks like Courtney has a sense of humor hidden in there somewhere after all." Chris said.
"Hey wait!" Beth protested. "Geoff gave her the idea, isn't that cheating?"
"No rule saying they can't talk to each other." Chris shrugged. "I'll allow it, because that was funny. Five points to Courtney."
It was time to start round three, and after two hard dares Geoff was relieved to finally roll an easy one from Tyler. Courtney was less fortunate, and was handed an absolutely repulsive dare from Izzy to lick a dirty toilet seat. Unwilling to do it herself, she passed it to Beth, who was still queasy from heaving up grass.
Before they could get to settling that little matter, Geoff got to go first with his dare. It was very tame, consisting simply of making fart noises with his armpit. It was so trivial for him in fact he decided to add to the performance by making the sounds of painful and strained defecation, as if he was trapped inside an invisible stall and the fart noises from his armpit were the flatulent aspect of some very nasty bowel trouble.
"Oooooow, uuuuuugh, I'm out of toilet paper!" Geoff groaned while fighting back fits of laughter. "Someone get me a roll!"
"Ewwww, what are you, twelve?" Courtney asked.
"Alright Geoff, that's enough. You get your five points." Chris laughed along heartily. "Beth, you get the first pass dare of the game. Give this crusty old toilet seat a good lick, and you'll bound ahead with double points."
The extra score was tempting, but the toilet seat certainly was not. It was brought out from backstage, and it looked every bit as gross as she feared. It was darkened from years of use, and she dared not think about the origin of the stains. Beth was hesitant to even breath as it was handed to her.
She would still give it her best shot. Closing her eyes and sticking her tongue, she brought it up to her face slowly.
The moment her tastebuds made contact, she recoiled in disgusted and hurled it away. Suffice to say, the taste was abhorrent even in trace amounts. She spat onto the ground trying to get some of it out of her mouth.
"Bleh…" She winced, glancing over at Chris nervously. "Uh, did that count?"
"The dare clearly says lick the seat, not gently poke it with your tongue." Chris shook his head, disappointed. "Beth, you get no points. Courtney, you're up twenty. Going into our fourth round, Geoff holds a respectable twenty-five points, and Courtney is leading the way with her thirty-five, but Beth has lagged behind at ten. Can she pull ahead and get back into the competition? Doubtful. But we shall see."
Despite the setbacks, Beth kept her chin up when it came time to spin for the next batch of dares. This time, Courtney and Geoff both spun easy dares, while she got a medium one. Though Geoff's dare was allegedly easy, that being to drink a cup of pilk, he'd filled up all the spare room in his guts with that gallon of milk earlier. So he passed it on to Beth, who wasn't any more enthusiastic about it.
"Can I just give up on the pass dare and do mine instead?" Beth asked. "Geoff can have his points." Truthfully, she'd barely kept her breakfast down after her attempt to lick a toilet seat, and she doubted it would stay down if she tried the unholy pepsi and milk fusion cocktail that they presented her with. She was already feeling seriously queasy, and they weren't even halfway done.
Chris simply shrugged. "I guess. Ten points Geoff. Beth, your dare comes from Katie. Have your nose hairs plucked by Chef. Oooh, spicy."
"Let's get this over with." She sighed.
Beth was seated in a barber shop chair and leaned back, while Chef loomed over her with a pair of rusty tweezers. She shut her eyes tight and tried to find a happy place. She thought of being able to finally see Bertha again, or reuniting with Lindsay before they went home, or finding DJ to thank him for helping her see the light. She even envisioned some absurd combination of these events- they both loved animals, so did Zeke now that she thought of it. They'd all love to meet Bertha, though her parents might not approve of bringing rich urbanites like Lindsay into their home. DJ and Ezekiel would be fine, if anything her Mom would be overjoyed to finally see her bring home a boy her age.
Then her happy place was disrupted by the sensation of being stabbed in the nose. It struck repeatedly and often. Beth whined and squirmed in the chair, but she dared not say uncle. She stuck with it all the way until the ripping ceased, and she could breath easy again.
"Beth gets her ten points!" Chris declared. "Courtney, you'll be finishing us off with a dare from Trent, which is to get a temporary tattoo."
"Like the water based ones you get at cheap carnivals?" Courtney asked.
"Exactly like that." Chris nodded.
"Well as long as it isn't too obscene, I suppose…" She nodded.
Now it was her turn to sit in the barber chair as Chef came out with the tattoo and a bowl full of warm water. Much to her relief, the subject matter was very benign, a simple butterfly design which was placed on her upper right arm without much fuss. She went through the whole thing blissfully unaware of the how cosmically appropriate the symbol was for her today. Many proverbial butterflies that she would never be aware of had flapped their wings and taken flight to create the chain of events that brought her here today. What for her in the moment was the certain outcome of her inevitable success story, was in fact a remote possibility among many millions more. In other worlds this was a distant dream for her that she would nearly destroy herself chasing.
For Courtney however, it was a few painless seconds to net herself five more points for the round. Nothing of cosmic significance to be found here.
The next round began with Geoff spinning a dare from Ezekiel, with Beth and Courtney following up and getting theirs from Sadie and Gwen, respectively. For the Geoff's dare, he would have to pick one of the other camper's noses to claim his ten points, a prospect which he looked positively repulsed by.
"Uh, are either of you cool with that?" Geoff asked.
"Gross, no way!"
"You're cute, but not that cute." Beth shook her head.
"Excuse me." Courtney glared at her. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Uh, nothing." Beth shook her head. "Nothing at all."
"Good." Courtney said, making a gesture that told Beth she was watching her.
"Geoff, if you're not gonna do it, you can either pass it to someone else, or give up your chance for points this round." Chris reminded him.
He paused to think over his options. Not exactly his strong suit. Before he could come up with a plan of his own, Courtney reached over and tugged his arm.
"Pass it to me, I'll take care of it." She said.
"Huh?" He tilted his head, confused. "You just said it was gross."
"Don't overthink it." She winked. "I've got a plan."
"...sure. Uh, Chris." Geoff raised his hand. "I'd like to pass my dare to Courtney."
"Sure thing dude." Chris nodded. "Beth, you can start us off with your dare from Sadie, an easy one for five points. Wear your underwear on your head."
Beth turned cherry red in the face. Whoever decided to class that dare as easy should have been hit on the head, in her unspoken opinion. A glance at the scoreboard however, reminded her she was painfully far behind. She couldn't afford to balk at the dare out of embarrassment.
"Uh, can I at least have some privacy while I uh…put on my new hat?" She asked.
"Just hop in the confessional in the next five minutes and we'll call it good." Chris said.
Reluctantly, Beth hopped into the nearest stall and closed the door behind her, switching the roles of her undergarment to headgear as quickly as she dared. When she emerged back onto the stage she was greeted by a fit off snickering and barely restrained laughter. While the details of Beth's new hat shall be left to the imagination of the audience, suffice to say that they were so archaic that they elicited a remark from Geoff about how he had seen such underwear in his Grandma's possession. Beth quietly endured the indignity.
"And for providing us the highlights of underwear fashion from nineteen-twenty-nine, Beth gets herself five points." Chris said. "Courtney, you're up next. Doing Geoff's pass dare for twenty."
"May I go ahead and do my own dare first? You said we can skip our dare if we complete the pass, not that we have to."
"Ever the rules lawyer." Chris remarked. "But, you are correct. That is what I said, and I guess there's nothing in the rules saying you can't do both. So, go ahead."
Thus it was that Courtney started off her round with the original dare she got from Gwen, which was to shake hands with a lobster. It sounded like a daunting and dangerous affair, and the creature which was pulled from the tank backstage and brought out to her looked formidable to the untrained eye. Everyone watched tensely as Courtney approached it to see if it would take her fingers off for trying.
However, when she reached out for it, instead of aggression she was met with lethargy. This specimen was freshly procured from a nearby grocery store for the challenge, where it was kept in cramped conditions and overfed to produce more meat. All to say, the lobster had little means or motivation to attack Courtney as she grabbed its claw. Even the powerful looking pincers were hardly a threat, as the muscles in them had atrophied from weeks spent bound in rubber bands.
Courtney claimed her ten points without a scratch, and then moved on to her pass dare. She made a motion like she was reaching up to pick Geoff's nose, but it was half-hearted and stilted. Before even touching his face she recoiled back in disgust and shook her head.
"Ew, no, it's too much." She whined, "I can't do it. You win Geoff."
Her concession sounded so phony that Beth wanted to check Courtney's shirt for the script hidden in there somewhere. She'd just handed Geoff twenty points, and canceled out the penalty for doing so with her own dare. Beth opened her mouth and raised a hand to protest, but as soon as Chris looked her way she withdrew it and thought better of it. He'd supported every sketchy exploitation of the rules Courtney had pulled off thus far, why would this be any different.
"Alright. That ends our fifth round, and marks the halfway point for the semi-finals." Chris announced. "We have Geoff still leading the way with a whopping fifty-five points, and Courtney right behind him with forty. Beth's situation is pretty grim, with only twenty-five points to her name. She'll have to seriously fight back in the second half if she wants to remain in the game, otherwise we are chugging along towards a Courtney and Geoff finale."
"Now, we're gonna take fifteen while I go record some commercial outros. Sit tight guys."
"Uh, Chris, can we use the bathroom?" Geoff raised his hand. "I really, really need to pee."
"Yes Geoff, you can go pee." Chris said. "In fact, all of you use the confessional right now. We could seriously-"
Before Chris could finish the sentence, Geoff bolted out of his chair and made for the confessional like a bat out of hell.
"-use the footage." He finished, letting out a long sigh before continuing. "Don't forget to share all your thoughts on the dares and the people who gave them to you. Don't be afraid to talk some trash if you're mad at the losers for sticking you with these tortures."
Luckily for him Courtney was very opinionated and was plenty willing to critique the dares sent to her by the eliminated contestants, while she was waiting for Geoff to finish doing his business so they could have a strategy talk. For his part, he had nothing to say about the challenge or the dares, and spent every minute in the confessional just getting out the gallon of milk that had gone right through him.
Beth's first priority when she found an unoccupied confessional was to put her underwear back where they belonged. Then she could take a moment to breathe, collect herself, and think. Rather than place the blame on the losers as Chris had wanted her to, her focus was on the enemies in front of her right now, and she made that clear when she got her thoughts off her chest.
"Okay this seriously sucks." She sighed. "I'm really far behind, and Geoff and Courtney are messing with the rules to help each other out. I really wish Gwen was still here to help me out. Or Zeke, he'd be great too." Beth buried her face in her hands. "Even Lindsay would be a sight for sore eyes right now. Just…someone I could count on. Anyone."
But no matter how hard she wished for aid, no matter how she called out, their voices would never respond. Beth was alone, as isolated here in the confessional as she was in the challenge, surrounded by foes.
"I have to do this." She took a deep breath, sitting back up and fighting down the despair. "I have not come this far to lose now. Come on Beth, you've dealt with worse than this! You've stared death in the eye! Get out there and show them what you're made of!"
She sprung from the confessional with a newfound energy in her step, determined to get out there and show them what a comeback she was capable of making.
Courtney and Geoff soon returned, and it wasn't long before Chris had finished recording a battery of commercial cutaways for the editors to pick and choose from when it came time to make the final cut.
"Okay campers, time to begin the second half of our brutal triple dog dare challenge." Chris declared. "Step right up and get your next dares."
As usual, Geoff was first to spin, and his dare from Cody was a rather nasty one. He had to let Chef give him a wet willy. He sat down in the barber chair and closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to watch Chef's drool covered finger coming for him.
He couldn't see it, but he sure as hell felt it. It was disgusting, invasive, and the only upside was that Chef's fingers were so large he really couldn't get it that far into Geoff's ear. It made him squirm and fidget, but it was mercifully only a few seconds before he was declared victorious and granted his ten points by Chris.
Now it was on to Beth's dare, which came from none other than her old idol turned enemy Heather. She would have to spend ten minutes walking in heels if she wanted to get the ten points she desperately needed to pull ahead and close the gap with her competition. As if she had predicted the dire circumstances which Beth found herself taking the dare in, Heather had penned her doubts into the margins of the paper beneath her dares. She believed that neither of the two girls left in the game were feminine enough to pull off ten minutes in heels, and she fully expected her dare to make someone embarrassingly faceplant.
The disdain in the note only served to strengthen Beth's resolve. Now she was facing down two foes, one from her past and the others in her present. No way was she going to let Heather reach out from the grave to drag her back down, not now. The heels were brought out, a pair of gaudy six inch stilettos that she had a rather painful time fitting into, which only became more agonizing once she actually had to strut in them.
Beth considered herself pretty girly and had never balked at the idea of gliding down the stairs into prom in a regal gown and heels that almost made her able to look people in the eyes. She'd even practiced it many times in her own room, waiting on the day she had an occasion to use such lovely outfits. But walking in any shoe that was ill-fit was painful, and that went tenfold for anything with heels or platforms. Each step was just wobbly and uncertain enough that without great care she would certainly tumble towards the ground.
Add to that the increasing pain from the poor fit, and it was a very long ten minutes for Beth. One foot in front of the other, she fought to stay with it right until the very end. When Chris finally declared her dare over and awarded her the ten points, Beth let out a sigh of relief and flopped onto the floor, kicking the wretched heels from her feet and sending them flying across the stage.
"Last up we have Courtney." Chris said as Beth trudged back to her seat. "Getting an easy dare from Justin, to be pelted with tomatoes for thirty seconds."
"Let's get this over with." Courtney said, stepping up and standing in front of a large wooden backstop for the tomatoes Chef was about to hurl her way. Having been out in the hot summer sun all day prior to the challenge, they were starting to get a little saggy and fly-infested. It promised a softer impact, but a worst smell.
Since there was no rule against dodging or anything about where the tomato had to hit, Courtney did her best to evade and deflect the incoming barrage. Chef, naturally, took his as a challenge to his marksman skills, to see if he could get his tomatoes past Courtney's defenses. She managed to intercept the first few, but halfway into the battle Chef landed a series of solid hits against her shoulder, chest and even a full blown headshot. The tomatoes splattered on impact, making a mess out of Courtney's practical and neat presentation.
To add insult to injury, Beth was having a ball watching it. It was cathartic to see Courtney subject to embarrassing yet harmless humiliation, and Beth found herself laughing at every loud, wet squelch that accompanied a direct hit.
"This isn't funny! Do you know how hard tomato stains are to get out?" Courtney snapped.
"You're right, it isn't funny." Beth snickered. "It's hilarious."
Unfortunately for Beth, her entertainment was soon over, and Courtney collected her five points. When she came back to her seat she was glaring daggers at Beth, who honestly couldn't care less. They'd already screwed with the rules to their advantage, so all her suffering was music to her ears at this point.
Courtney did not forget Beth's disrespect going into the next round. Thus when she landed on Cody, and learned that his dare was to dump ice in her pants, she gladly passed that hardship onto Beth. Now it would be her turn to get a good laugh. However, she wasn't done just yet. Geoff had rolled a dare from Lindsay to get a facial wax, and she knew guys were wimps about beauty and pain, so rather than watch him flop the dare, she had a better idea.
"Hey Geoff, I know you really don't appreciate these girly spa day things." She said, winking slyly at him. "How about you pass it to Beth? Her skin is really looking flakey, she could use it."
"But won't she get points for it?" Geoff scratched his head in confusion. "I thought we didn't want her to win."
"If she fails, you get a bunch of points, if she wins she gets clear skin." Courtney replied. "Everyone wins."
The veneer of magnanimosity wasn't fooling Beth. This was a dual pronged attack against her, and even if Geoff was too strategically dull to see his part in it, Courtney was clearly aware of what she was orchestrating. So it was open war now.
"Sure thing bro." Geoff said. "Uh, Beth, you get the facial wax thing."
Thus it was that Beth had to face two dares in the same round, three if she chose to complete her own after passing one or both in the salvo launched at her. She resolved to at least complete one of them, since the double points would go a long way towards evening the odds.
In this baptism of ice and fire, she chose to go through the fire first. Getting a facial wax was something she had done before, on rare occasions when her Mom took her into the city for a day at the salon. She got seated and leaned back in the chair, and a few minutes later Chef appeared with a pot of boiling wax.
From the very first drop it burned. It felt like her skin was melting off her face as more and more of her features were covered by the molten liquid. She clenched her jaw as she fought the urge to scream, for she had made the mistake of getting hot wax in her mouth once, and never again afterwards. Her nails dug into the arms of the chair, as she endured the punishment until the coating had finally cooled enough to be pulled back.
At the end of it she was rewarded with twenty wonderful points, and buttery smooth skin. But even more satisfying than her beautiful skin was the shock on Courtney's face upon witnessing success where she had expected failure. Their scores were now much closer than ever before, and it was with this triumph behind her that Beth confidently moved on to Cody's ice pants challenge.
It seemed, initially, like it would be another clean victory for her. Though having trousers full of ice was discomfortable, it wasn't so bad at first. But then the ice began to melt. Cold water got everywhere, and thanks to some thrilling thermodynamics, sapped heat incredibly quickly in places that were exceedingly sensitive to such things.
The sum of all this was that soon Beth was dancing around the stage like a deranged monkey, flopping onto the ground and kicking her legs frantically as she scooped the ice out before all of it melted. Needless to say, she didn't get the points, and instead Courtney happily pocketed the twenty for herself. Beth retreated to lick her wounds, but despite the setback she could still take pride in how much she caught up this round. She would take the chance to collect herself, and wait for the next opportunity to get ahead. It would come sooner than she expected.
"With seven rounds down and three to go, we're about to spin for our eight set of dares." Chris announced. "Beth has come back strong in the second half, tied with Geoff at fifty five points, but now it's Courtney taking first place with her score of sixty-five. It's anyone's game folks, and our campers only have three more rounds to secure their spot in the finale. Geoff, my man, start us off."
And he did, spinning a dare from none other than Owen, which was to burp the alphabet. A dare that Geoff was more than happy to follow through on. Beth followed him up next, and she was delighted to see the bottle land on DJ's face. Perhaps he knew she was in the finale and wanted to give her something easy, because all she had to do this round was act like a chicken. It hardly felt like it counted as a dare after everything they'd been through so far, and that was probably why it would only give her five points. Easy was an apt description here.
Finally, Courtney went up and got her dare last. The bottle came to a halt point at Ezekiel again, and as Chris pulled his picture off the board to read the next dare, he winced.
"Ouch. My man Zeke has given us some gross dares so far, and this one is even grosser." Chris grinned from ear to ear. Courtney tensed up, grimacing as her mind went wild with possibility. Chris was thrilled to see it, and motioned for a camera man to zoom in for the close up.
"Courtney, you've got a hard one, which means twenty points on the table." Chris said. "Ezekiel has dared you to find a key….hidden inside a pile of cow manure. Fresh, hot cow manure."
The simultaneous look of fear and disgust that contorted Courtney's face was priceless.
"No way!" She shuddered. "You can't be serious. It's not real manure, right?"
"Oh it's very real." Chris grinned. "There's lots of farms around here willing to lend us a few pounds for the challenge."
She grimaced tightly and fidgeted. Yes, the twenty points were tempting, but was it really worth it? Her desire for a clean reputation fought a tug of war against her urge to win, and in the end something had to give.
"I am not having pictures of me digging through shit circulating during campaign season." Courtney said. "I'm passing it to Beth."
Chris raised a brow. "Are you sure?"
"Why get twenty points and get my hands dirty when I can get forty doing nothing?" Courtney reasoned. Despite being in the finale with Beth, she knew little about her. She'd been the invisible underling of Heather for so long, and when she had been Courtney's biggest rival and threat in the game she hardly had the attention to spare for an irrelevant drone. But surely, Beth, who couldn't eat grass without gagging, could never manage such a nasty dare.
She couldn't be more wrong.
"Interesting theory Courtney." Chris said. "But before we can test that, Geoff is up first."
"Cool beans man." He gave a thumbs up. "You got any soda to help me out?"
"Right here dude." Chris motioned to a liter bottle of sprite brought out by Chef, who set it in front of Geoff. The whole alphabet, one burp. Geoff had made some pretty long belches before, but matching Owen's diaphragm strength would be a tall order even for him.
He decided to go for it in one big all-or-nothing gamble. He chugged the entire soda bottle in one tremendous gulp, held in the carbonation until it felt like his gut was going to explode, and then unleashed the mightiest burp he could possibly muster.
"ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYANDZEEEEEED." He bellowed thunderously, slumping over as he heaved for oxygen.
"Nice! That's ten points and my undying respect, dude." Chris gave him a thumbs up. "Now, we get to settle whether Beth can dig through crap like a pig."
When Chef and the interns brought out the tray full of steaming hot cow poop, with flies swarming vigorously around it, Beth almost shouted for joy. Not because she was happy to see a giant turd, at least not inherently. This was the big chance she'd been waiting for. Sure, it was gross and vile, but she'd grown up on a farm. This was exactly the type of gross thing she was used to, and if Courtney had maybe paid enough attention to her to pick up on detail of her background she would have foreseen this.
She began to dig through the pile in search of the key. The texture wasn't all too unbearable, hardly distinguishable from thick, fibrous mud out of context. What was truly atrocious however, was the smell. Cow manure was and is the greatest source worldwide of methane, a noxious, toxic gas which could be lethal in small amounts. Luckily for Beth the amount of feces involved was not enough to produce dangerous concentrations, especially in an open air stage like this, but it was plenty enough to make her eyes water and her nostrils burn. She took breaths into her shoulder to avoid inhaling any more than she had to, and as she worked the flies landed on the frames of her glasses and threatened to get into her eyes.
Many times the noxious fumes nearly got to her, but she didn't dare back down or quit. After what felt like an eternity, her fingers finally wrapped around something hard and metallic. She got a good grip and pulled with all her might, and where the smears of shit started to fall off it revealed the unmistakable gleaming metal of a key.
"I did it!' Beth exclaimed, proudly raising it above her head for all to see.
"That was nasty, but impressive. Forty points to Beth!" Chris declared.
"Oh, it's nothing." Beth said, trying to play it off cool. "You should have seen the time Bertha ate my cousin's engagement ring. Yeah I got it back." She beamed from ear to ear.
The tray of poop was carried off stage to be unceremoniously disposed of in the woods, where nobody would have to smell it again. A bucket of warm soapy water was brought up so that Beth could wash the key and her arm off, and a couple interns spent the next few minutes spraying the area with cans of Febreze so the show could continue without Chris having to hold his nose the whole time.
Courtney on the other hand was fuming. "Oh come on!" She threw up her hands in frustration, losing her grip on that perfect facade as she watched Beth's score on the board leap up to a startling ninety five points. "There's no way!"
"Oh yes way." Beth grinned smugly. "Hey Chris, can I still do my dare too?"
"I guess." Chris shrugged. "Chef, bring out the chicken hat."
What followed could best be described as a victory lap for Beth after her triumph in the manure dare. She danced and frolicked around the stage in her chicken hat, doing circles around Courtney specifically to taunt her.
"This cannot be legal, it's so unsportsmanlike." Courtney whined.
"Chris," Beth crowed at the host like a rooster. "Is there anything in the rules about rubbing it in her stupid face?"
"Negative." Chris smirked. "You have your five points though, you can stop any time."
After a few minutes, she would, but not before Beth had finished a few more rounds of her chicken dance. The message was clear. She would stop flaunting when she decided to and no sooner. She sat back down, exceedingly satisfied with how the round had gone for her.
To say that Courtney was panicking as she went in to the ninth round would only be mild hyperbole at worst. Her plan of smoothly gliding to the finale with Geoff was completely shattered, and he was now well ahead of her in the scramble to survive and escape from last place.
The next round of dares were far less dramatic. Geoff had the hardest one, wrestling an alligator, courtesy of Eva. Beth and Courtney both had medium dares, from Duncan and Bridgette respectively, and though she desperately needed the points, Courtney dared not pass her dares after that spectacular backfire earlier.
"Alright dude. You just gotta pin it to the ground for five seconds." Chris said. "Try not to get bit."
The stage was cleared and a large cage was hauled up. Before they even saw the reptile they could hear it inside, hissing irately at them. When the gate was opened for it to come out and fight Geoff, it steadfastly refused, remaining in the container with its jaws open wide, snapping at anyone who dared approach.
Such steadfast resistance was no good for television. Chris had procured his alligators expecting ferocious beasts that would terrorize the campers, but thus far in every instance he had used them they turned out to be anticlimatic wusses that were entirely defensive and hadn't even eaten a single intern to provide shock value. Chef had to get on stage and turn the container on its end, shaking the gator out until it was properly on the stage, and then get out of the way before it spun around to bite him.
His opponent was now ready for battle, and Geoff now circled looking for an opening to get in there and tackle the gator. The reptile, for its part, had no intent to approach him, and was quite content to hold its ground until they left it alone. Each time he came within arm's reach it lunged at him, snapping its jaws to remind him who had the bone-crushing bite force here.
Geoff took the hint well enough, and on his next attempt he feigned right, then when the alligator lunged at him he juked left and got around to its vulnerable flank. He grabbed it by the mouth, just like he'd seen Steve Irwin do so many times on Animal Planet, and hopped onto its back to pin the creature down. It thrashed angrily, trying to beat him away with its tail, but Geoff stayed on top of it the whole way.
"Time!" Chris called. "That's your five seconds. Twenty points to Geoff."
The next few minutes were spent getting the gator back into the cage, which required Geoff and two interns to maneuver the alligator whilst Chef and another intern controlled the cage. After several minutes of this circus, the creature was finally secured and removed from the premises.
"Next up, Beth must pet this tarantula for ten points." Chris declared.
An enormous hairy spider was brought out in a clear plastic tupperware container. Unlike the alligator, the tarantula was not hissing or growling, but it didn't look particularly happy either. The lid was peeled back, and the arachnid was placed in front of Beth.
Carefully she ventured a hand forth, watching for any sudden movements. The spider twitched a little, keeping its legs bound up tightly against its body, as if ready to spring forth at any moment. The tension reached a fever pitch for Beth as she placed her hand upon the thorax, gently petting it as if it were some bizarre, eight legged kitten. Whether the tarantula enjoyed it like a feline would, she couldn't tell. The array of eyes remained as motionless and lacking human-readable expressions, but it had not yet bit her, or gone into a defensive fang bearing posture.
"I'd say that's enough." Chris nodded in approval. "Ten points Beth."
She withdrew her hand faster than a bolt of lightning, and her heartbeat only started to come down once the lid was back over the spider again.
"Courtney." Chris said. "Your dare is from Bridgette. You've gotta go digging through the dumpster, find something edible, and chow down on it to get your ten points."
"Oh come on, that is seriously unsanitary." Courtney groaned, shaking her fist at the sky as if some invisible spirit of Bridgette watched over her from above. "How could you do this to me?"
"She was probably just trying to get you to think economically." Geoff pointed out. "Like, saving the whales and the pandas and stuff."
"Right." Courtney took a deep breath. Bridgette had talked a lot about how she wanted to cut down food waste. She even had a deal with her local bakery about reusing the leftovers too old to legally sell, both as compost and for charity work. Somewhere in her day planner, Courtney had made a note to promise such a policy nationwide during her campaigns to get elected.
"Let's just get this over with." She sighed.
Garbage bins were brought out on stage for her to rummage through, and Courtney set about finding something she was willing to stomach. The pickings were quite slim and most of it was plastic waste and wrappers, the nemesis of innocent sea turtles and birds around the world.
Her perseverance finally paid off in the form of a stale, hardened piece of bread with mold encroaching the ends. After picking off the fungal growths she had a chunk of old bread big enough to fill her palm, and presented it to Chris. "Found it." She declared.
"But can you stomach it?" Chris asked her.
To provide him with an answer she took a deep breath, pinched her nose, and popped it into her mouth. The bone dry bread sapped the moisture from her mouth, causing it to stick in lumpy blobs to the roof of her mouth as she tried to chew it. Several minutes of gnawing and struggling were required before she finally swallowed the last few bits, flavored with the traces of expired condiments.
"Done."
"Well folks, it's been a hell of a game so far." Chris began to narrate. "We've seen lots of crazy ups and downs across nine brutal rounds of dares. Things are now looking pretty grim for Courtney, who's now struggling far behind in third place with only sixty five points, against Beth's one-hundred and five, and Geoff's eighty five. Is this it for her?"
It couldn't end like this. Courtney hadn't come this far to quietly go out in third place. She had to come back, somehow. But with only one round left, the best she could hope for was to spin a hard dare, hope Geoff failed his, and settle it in a tiebreaker. They went up to spin their dares for the last time that day.
As he had done for every time before, Chris read off the dares they would perform for the tenth and final round of triple dog dare. "Geoff, yours is from Izzy. Eat a live cockroach, for ten points. Beth, yours…ohohoho, this is a good one." An alarming smile of malicious intent covered Chris's features. "It's from your bestie, Lindsay. She dares you to have your head shaved. By Chef, for twenty points. Yep, that's what I'd call a hard one."
The otherwise confident Beth now clutched her ponytail fearfully. She liked having her hair, quite a lot in fact. The momentary panic subsided however, when she remembered that she had so many points now she could simply refuse and still have a spot in the finale. She breathed a quiet sigh of relief.
"Courtney. You get a dare from Noah, again. Huh, what are the odds?" Chris shrugged. "Eat a can of dog food, for ten points. Alright, now that you have your dares, does anyone want to pass theirs?"
There was no intrinsic reason to do so, but Beth keenly remembered when Courtney had made her dig through a pile of shit in an attempt to knock her further down the scoreboard. Sure, she'd turned the tables, but she was still resentful of the malicious intent. While Beth liked to believe that she had become more mature, that she was above petty retaliation, she wasn't. Not quite yet.
"I'd like to pass a dare." Beth declared.
"Oh? And who might you be sending to the Wawanakwa hair salon today?" Chris asked rhetorically.
Courtney's eyes went wide as Beth looked right at her.
It was easy for Beth to justify her petty little snipe after the fact. In the end it would be harmless, because there was no way she would actually take the dare. This was Beth lording her impending victory over someone who would have done the exact same to her. Every girl she had ever met loved their hair. None of them would be willing to part with it for the sake of a game, not even Heather.
Chef whispered something to Chris, and the host nodded along. Whatever it was, Chris liked what he was hearing.
"Interesting." He clasped his hands together. "Courtney, looks like Beth's put you in a bind. If you don't complete her pass dare, you're out. Even if you complete your dare the penalty from failing the pass kinda screws ya."
"So, we can skip this round and send you straight to the boat if you don't wanna do it. Rather an anti-climax, after what you've survived this season. But, humiliating defeats are great for ratings, and what's more humiliating than tapping out with no contest?"
She looked him right in the eyes, unflinching, her stare as cold as death.
"I. Do. Not. Concede."
Each word was spoken clearly and sharply. There was no hesitance, only a pause between each for emphasis. Beth couldn't believe her ears. Was she actually going to go through with this?
That was for Chris and Chef to find out. "Let's do this." The host said, motioning to his assistance with a single nod. Chef headed back stage to retrieve the barber chair, which was now destined to finally serve its intended purpose. Courtney marched into the chair, while Chef plugged in the electric razor and got out his shears.
Beth and Geoff watched in stunned amazement.
"A-are you sure about this dude?" Geoff asked. "You have pretty sweet hair…it'd be a major bummer if you lost it."
"Nice try, but I know you're just trying to save yourself. It won't work." Courtney snapped.
"I'm not! I just wanna make sure you're alright." Geoff insisted.
Courtney's expression softened, and a hint of regret flickered in her eyes. "Sorry. Don't worry about me, it'll grow back."
"But it's just a game dude! If you really don't wanna do this you shouldn't force yourself."
"It's not just a game Geoff, don't you get it?" Courtney shook her head. Chef loomed over her with his cutting implements in hand, waiting to go. "Let's get this over with."
So it began. Chef wordlessly began shearing the locks from her head. They fell to the floor in auburn lumps. Some fell quickly, others fluttered on the wind, carried off on the breeze as if some small part of her soul left with them. Courtney tried to remain stoic, but there was pain of a deep sort in her expression. A few tears dared to venture forth in the corner of her eyes, but she recalled them. Only one managed to trickle down her cheek, before the whole grim process was done.
At the end of it she was handed a mirror, and when she held it up a stranger stared back at her. The buzz cut wasn't flattering in a conventional sense. Her shoulder length hair had been, by her opinion, the perfect meeting point between sensible and businesslike, and an acceptable level of femininity and beauty. She'd been pretty, but not vain or impractical. Powerful, yet not quite masculine. Her shaven head made her look more vulnerable, stripped of something valuable to both her and the society she occupied.
But there was more to it than that. Wearing it as she did, stone-faced and stalwart, it marked her as a survivor. Someone who could take the absolute worst the competition could throw at her, and come out stronger. Everyone around her felt it, and when she stood up she could sense the awe and fear in Beth's eyes.
"Holy shit." Chris shook his head in disbelief. "I did not see that coming."
He took a moment to recompose himself. "Ahem. Right." He cleared his throat as the scoreboard flickered to enshrine her deeds in numbers. "Final total is eight-five points for Geoff, one-hundred for Beth, and one-hundred and five for Courtney! Beth, Courtney, you're our winners!" He turned regretfully to the island's most righteous party loving bro. "Geoff, I'm sorry. Today just wasn't your day."
"It's cool man, I'm stoked that I got this far." Geoff said, completely nonplussed by his sudden last second plummet to last. "Guess it's finally time I take that boat ride huh?"
"Yes my man, yes it is." Chris nodded. "Take as long as you need to say goodbye and pack your stuff. You've earned it dude."
His concerns were immediately on Courtney, who despite her attempts to keep up a strong facade was giving him all sorts of bad vibes.
"Sure you're gonna be okay?" He asked her.
"Well it's like they say." She said with a thin lipped smile. "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."
"Word." Geoff nodded. "Man I feel like I should have something more to say but I dunno. It's heavy. This is more Bridgette's sort of thing y'know? I'll let her know what happened and try to hook you guys up for some like, girl talk."
"I don't need a therapist Geoff." She replied tersely.
He put up his hands. "She's not your therapist, she's your friend, remember?"
She breathed deeply and composed herself. "I know." She opened her arms and reached forward, pulling him into an awkward but sincere little hug. "Thanks for helping me get this far. I won't let you down. I won't let her down."
Once Courtney let him go, Geoff now turned to Beth. "Nice game dudette, you really kicked butt." He gave her a thumbs up. "Can't wait to see you two gals rocking the finale."
"Thanks." Beth turned a little pink in the cheeks. Her earlier crush on him wasn't completely, totally dead. Just dead enough she could keep her composure, and let it go that she had no shot. "You too! I uh…hope you find Bridgette wherever you're going. And if you see DJ, let him know I said thanks!"
"I'll pass the word on!" Geoff nodded.
There remained little else to say, and Courtney escorted him off the stage and back to his cabin to gather his belongings before his departure. Stepping into the boys cabin was no longer trespassing, and it wasn't really the boy's cabin anymore either. There weren't any boys left, just the one boy, Geoff. It was his cabin. Now he was going to be gone too, and the cabin would be empty and silent at last. She helped him pack his things, one by one, until it was all tucked away in the suitcases and bags he had arrived on the island with.
When it came time to walk across the campgrounds and down to the dock with him, they couldn't help but notice how bizarrely quiet it was. Gone was the geeky tech chatter of the nerds, or the constant gossip of Heather's posse, or the inane chatter Katie and Sadie filled the air with. All that was left was the bird song and the light breeze. Courtney had nothing left to say, all she could do was be there for Geoff until his last moments on the island.
The boat was ready to go the moment they stepped onto the dock. They loaded up the suitcases, and Geoff took his last few steps off the island onto the deck.
"Stay safe Courtney!" He waved as he pulled away. "And kick butt in the finale!"
"I will! Beth is going down!" She called back to him. "She will pay! She will definitely pay!"
Back in the girl's cabin, Beth slumped face first against her mattress. She had done it. She had faced long odds, and in spite of everything she was still in the game. Now there was only one last challenge, one other camper left between her and the final victory. Yet that wasn't the first thing on her mind when she laid down to recharge and relax. Truthfully, the game to her was no longer about winning, it was about something more fundamental than that. She wasn't competing for a prize, or for fame. It was about the people that got her here. Friends that she made along the way who helped her become who she was. Whether she lost or won was irrelevant, but she couldn't let them down.
She reached under her pillow and pulled out the crowbar, rolling onto her back and letting the cold steel weigh down on her chest. When she held it she could close her eyes and be back in the boathouse with Gwen. She could step back into the lodge and save Ezekiel again. All that had led to this moment.
The nightmare was finally almost over.