Chapter Sixty-Four

Much like he had since this whole ordeal began; he found himself waking with a backache but nonetheless by Eliot's side. This time though it wasn't any machinery, pages, or personnel that coaxed him awake. It was the feeling of something crawling through his hair. With an uncordinated gesture he tried swatting it away, a little more sleep would be awfully nice, but when his hand connected with another he couldn't help but lift his head to investigate.

The first thing Nate's uncordinated eyes landed on was Eliot's face.
His eyes were open, something that no longer brought much comfort, but the look in them was somehow different.
His whole expression had changed from the usual one and it had Nate questioning, "Eliot?" Fingers actually moved toward his, Eliot was actually reaching out for him, and it had his breath baited. "You with me Eliot?" He watched as slowly but surely Eliot turned his head further toward him, opening his mouth to say something though nothing came out. "Just take..." He could barely manage to speak himself, so many emotions sitting in his throat that there was barely room for words. "Just take your time baby. Think about what you want to say a minute and it'll come to you."

"ah...a..." The sound of Eliot struggling for a word crazily enough overjoyed him; it had been too long since he'd heard his voice. "aa... ah... I.." His eyes had already been burning. He was already choked up with everything he'd been holding within and that one word decided it was gonn take the end strings and see what happened if it pulled. "You what El?" Though he ignored the few stray tears on the side of his cheek Eliot did not.

With a strength that looked to be all consuming Eliot lifted his hand in an attempt to wipe them away but he didn't quite make it. Still Nate covered the hand with his own, helping it to it's desired position, but after a moment he pulled that warmth from his face. Instead he brought it to his mouth where he kissed a slightly shaking palm. "Come on Eliot, what is it you want to say?"

"I..."

"Don't rush yourself." Eliot shook his head in what seemed like a meager attempt at aggitation.

"I... s'rrr"

"You're what?" Nate coaxed with the hopes of helping him out.

"I s'rree"

He had to replay it a few times before he finally caught Eliot's meaning but as soon as he did he was shaking his head in disagreement. "Don't be; there's nothing to be sorry for babe." It broke his heart to hear Eliot apologize at a time like this. "You're right back here with me and that's all I care about." Eliot opened his mouth in what seemed to be a protest but he wasn't going to allow it. "That's all that matters."

"I...I.." He looked beyond frustrated. "nnn"

"I got it wrong?"

"ooo..nn..oooo"

Nate was pretty sure Eliot was getting upset with him which kind of cemented his theory of getting it wrong. "You think you should be sorry?"

"I...rrgh" a definite growl came from a throat that had been extremely abused.

"It's okay" Nate squeezed an extremely frail feeling hand in assurance.
"Don't even worry about it right now babe. Whatever it is, it can wait." That statement only seemed to anger Eliot all the more; a look of sadness quickly filling deep dark eyes. It had Nate wanting to apologize but instead he stopped an annoyed hand from pulling at tubing coming from an irritated nose. "It's alright," Nate found himself promising as he moved from the chair to take a seat on the side of the bed. "It's okay" It was hard to offer comfort for the unknown but he did his best as he moved closer. "You're okay" The words seemed to calm Eliot some which he was thankful for because he wasn't sure of what else to do. "There's nothing to worry about right now." He found himself slowly rubbing a soothing pattern on the back of Eliot's hand, surprised at how good he was getting at speaking nothingness. "Everything's going to be fine."

As he watched Eliot's eyes slip closed he couldn't help but pray that the next time they opened there was less of
this stranger and more of the man he knew and loved. With an inward sigh Nate adjusted his position around Eliot, kissing his temple as he swore, "I've got you."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"How in the world are you..." Hardison couldn't even finish the thought as he stared disbelievingly at the television.

"Kicking your butt!" Parker announced with a little too much joy. Her eyes never leaving the screen as she moved with her game control.

"No" He might have tossed a little insult into that objection. "Just... didn't you tell me that you hadn't ever played before?"

"I haven't" She shrugged as her thumb went whirling around the joystick.

"Then how are you-"

"Declaring victory!" She shouted excitedly; interrupting him without care.

"No, not-"

"But seriously" She cut him off once more. "I won"

"I can see that Parker." He spoke distantly as he set his controller down.

"Look Hardison" She wasn't the best at these things but it was kind of easy to tell he felt like his toes had been stepped on. "This game is as easy as pie to me because I've already done it all in real life."

"You've..." He couldn't find the words to explain how he felt. "You've done..." He was shocked; shocked that she could say that with a straight face. "You've done them?" Hell he couldn't even keep a straight face, laughter building in his chest.

"Yup" Parker declared seriously.

"Alright then" Try as he might he couldn't hold it all back. This girl claimed to have done all the same things as a miscolored rodent and his friends, she... she was crazy.

"That's the spirit Hardi!"

"Naw Parker, nah uh girl! We ain't using that nickname." There were reasons behind that which she fully knew. "No Senor"

"Alright Hardi" He opened his mouth to once again protest but the doorbell cut him off.

"Pizza's here"

"I got it Hardi" He wanted to be angry, he really did, but how could he do so when she had so softly placed a kiss to his cheek before leaving? Instead he found himself smiling; he could probably get used to the name... and losing a game or two. Heck, he'd lose 'em all and answer to nothing else if it meant there was more where that kiss came from.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"You know it would really be nice if one time I got to walk through this door myself and see you awake." Aaron complained to Eliot. He had been there a better part of half an hour and hadn't seen any signs of wakefulness.

"I don't think he'll be waking any time soon." Nate interjected. "He had a rough morning."

"Anything serious?" Aaron asked, his chair tilted toward his brother's bed, Nate's toward him.

"Nothing worth worrying about. His mind's just running quicker than his mouth right now. As soon as he reboots and things start syncing up he'll be good to go."

"Well then he better get to unpacking so he can hurry up and stock the fridge." The analogy made Nate smirk, it wasn't half bad. "So..." What did you talk about with your brother's boyfriend who you only barely knew and only sometimes felt comfortable around?

"You Navy?" Nate's question had Aaron sending a thank you upward as he answered, "No, why?"

"I just seen your" Nate pointed toward the watch Aaron was fiddling with. "tattoo there and figured it was a likely possibility."

"Oh this," Aaron moved his watch band so Nate could get a better look. It was so small he doubted it would've been noticed had he not brought it attention. "I got this last year." It said simply, SEA. "It's for the three most important people in my life."

"Sarah, Eliot, and... yourself?" Nate guessed.

"Sarah, Eliot, and Ashlee." Aaron corrected. "He was there when I got it done actually."

"So you've just got the one?" He doubted if curiosity would really kill him.

"No, Ive also got a crucifix on my shoulder blade. I want to get some more detail on it but El's never really around and it's kind of turned into a thing where everytime I go to the parlor he comes with. He's actually the reason I got the first one."

"How so?" That caught more than Nate's curiosity; Eliot didn't seem like the kind to play around with ink.

"Well he was gettin' his and-"

"He was what?" Nate interrupted; he had obviously heard wrong.

"Eliot was gettin' his tattoo and-"

"Eliot's tattoo?" His ears were clearly stuffed.

"Yeah" He couldn't help but stare oddly at Nate, especially with all that wonder and confusion painted on his face. "Surely you've seen it." But Nate's gaze was still pondering in the least. "It's on his ribcage... under his left arm?" Only it didn't seem to be ringing a bell for Nate. "It says Ama... A.M.A. the numbers 8,3, and 1 are spiraling down the second half of the first A... there's these purple flowers entertwined in the bottom of it. The whole thing's done in black calligraphy..." Aaron continued to supply until it dawned on him that, "You haven't seen it."

"Not even once." Nate shook his head.

"But you'd have had to, it's right... it can't just not be there." Though he really didn't like his mind wandering in such a direction he couldn't help but think that Nate would've seen his brother's torso bare by now.

"Maybe it was once but it isn't anymore." He was in as much disbelief of Eliot having one as Aaron was of Eliot not having one.

"No way would he have gotten it removed. He loved that thing." He just couldn't believe it.

"Maybe he didn't have an option." Nate suggested as he looked back through his memories of where Aaron said it was. "How big was it?"

"If he crossed his arms he could nearly cover the whole thing with his hand." He didn't see why the size mattered if it was gone.

"You know... He's got a scar about there." It wasn't a bad one but it was certainly messy. Eliot refused to tell him how he got it. "If the picture got ruined there'd be no use in keeping it."

"Why can't this dude even manage to have a memory?" And suddenly Aaron found himself angry for him.

"Is that what he said it was?" It would definitely explain Eliot telling him to mind his own damn business the one time he'd asked.

"He said he was getting it so he'd never forget... didn't tell me what he was trying to remember, but it obviously meant something to him."

"I'm sure it still does." Nate spoke with a little inkling of understanding. Eliot carried the constant burden of regret around, feeling it constantly necessary to punish himself, and he was almost positive that this was just another form of that self punishment. What better way to torture yourself than to have your biggest regret and failure etched permanently into your skin?

"He seemed kind of hollow when he got it though." Aaron remembered from what had been an interesting night. "He wasn't happy... or sad really, he just seemed resigned like if he was feeling empty."

"It probably has to do with his time in the service." Nate lied smoothly.

"Maybe he'll get it redone." Aaron spoke optimistically.

"Maybe" Nate agreed falsely.

If Eliot had really gotten it done for the reasons he believed than it wasn't to honor her but to degrade himself and that alone made Nate glad that such a mark no longer tainted his lovers skin. It also made him want to thank the monster who had ruined that devil's brand.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Caroline" She stood silently by the sink and he just couldn't take another moment of it. Not in the four decades they had been together could he ever remember a time she had gone so long without speaking to him. "Caroline are you listening to me?" Seeing as she hadn't done so in days he didn't really need a response to have his answer. "Get your purse, we're going to take a little drive." He placed a hand on her shoulder but she pulled away in something close to repulsion.

"Dammit Caroline! Will you just give me a chance here?" He sighed deeply, trying to dispel anger that she didn't
deserve directed at her. "Look... I called Bill alright. Asked him for a favor and..." The words were easy enough but they got lodged in his throat. Instead he tried for a different tactic, "Honey I can't watch you like this anymore. It's killin' me how much you're letting this hurt you; so will you please just get your purse already."

"Where are we going?"

Days of not using it and her voice was strange to his ears. "Bill says" His gaze dropped as he said it, he couldn't currently look into her eyes. "He says the boy's in Edmund."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"What are you two up to?" Aaron questioned as he walked through Sarah's front door, Nate following close behind.

"Sarah pulled out the blackmail pictures." Ashlee announced with great amusement.

"She didn't!" Aaron all but groaned.

"Oh I did!" Sarah smiled viciously. "And Nate's here so I can kill two birds with one stone!"

Nate just raised an eyebrow at that.
Perhaps he should have let Aaron borrow the truck instead of giving him a ride.

"Oh Come On! At least Eliot gets to save face by not being here." Aaron all but pouted as he plopped down on the other side of Sarah.

"Stop whining, you were an adorable little boy." Ashlee assured.

"You haven't seen the pre-teen years yet." Sarah promised wickedly.

"Can't we just stick with the baby pictures?" Aaron pleaded.

"No," Sarah whapped him for the suggestion. "but we can start there."

"Where'd you get all these from anyway?" He owed them a piece of discomfort.

"I got copys from Ma." Sarah made an, 'uh duh' face as she searched through her trinkets box for some good ones.

"Figures" Aaron growled as he picked up a few of the pictures she had tossed to the side; they were unsurprisingly all of her, the hypocrite. "Nice pigtails Sarah" He passed the picture to Nate before she had a chance to snatch it away.

"They are" Nate tried for sincere but he couldn't quite manage it past the smirk.

"If I remember correctly they were Eliot's doing!" Sarah was quick to defend but Aaron's 'uh huh' had her snapping, "Shut up! Both of you."

Nate actually laughed at that; she was insane.

"Who's this?" Ashlee asked with absolute interest.

"Aaron during what was the first of many graffiti taggings."

"What the hell Sarah! Since when can you tag somthing with sidewalk chalk?" His sister was a nut.

"You'd be surprised." Sarah mock whispered to Ashlee who was still looking down on what couldn't be more than a four year old Aaron.

"Hey Nate," Aaron ignored his sister as he turned his attention to the other man. "I found one for you." He offered the picture without hesitation, Nate accepting it as he sat next to Aaron on the very arm of the couch.

His eyes immediately met bright blue ones, the slight smile on his face nothing compared to the huge grin on this little boys. There Eliot sat, looking barely old enough to sit, in a big bubble filled tub. A rubber duck clenched in a small hand, sandy curls sitting tightly from all the water they'd absorbed. There he sat with his innocence intact, with faith and love in his untainted heart, with belief in... "Nate?" A worried voice pulled his attention back to the others in the room.

"Nate, are you alright over there?" Sarah questioned. "You're looking a little pale."

"I'm fine" Nate assured automatically. "Just..." He placed the picture on the table, it was suddenly too heavy to handle. "Would you excuse me a minute?"

Aaron shared a confused gaze with Sarah before agreeing, "Yeah, sure man, take your time."

"Thanks" Nate barely acknowledged as he headed up the stairs and to the bathroom.

"He looked sad." Ashlee voiced somberly.

"I'm pretty sure he is babe." Aaron answered, lifting the picture to get a real look at what could have caused it. If anything he should have been laughing.

"Do you think there's anything we can do about it?" After all he was family too and Ashlee wanted to help if she could.

Sarah simply stared at Ashlee for a hard minute before shaking her head.
She'd forgotten to censor her mouth about anything Nate and Eliot related, had dropped more than a few suggestions about their relationship she was now realizing, yet none of them fazed Ashlee. She already knew and though Sarah wanted to know how, she wouldn't make a big deal over something that hadn't caused even a little fuss. "He won't talk to us."

"Well he clearly needs to talk to someone." Ashlee couldn't imagine how much damage holding such things inside could do.

"That he does but..." Sarah glanced over to the stairs to make sure they weren't being overheard. "he-"

"He's missing his man." Aaron interrupted matter of factly. "And whether we like it or not there's only one person that can do half a damn to fix it."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Her hands were shaking. Her nerves not any steadier as she reached out for the door handle. Perhaps if Michael would have joined her the task would have been easier but despite her best efforts he had refused to get out of the car. So here she stood alone trying to find the strength to do something she should have long ago.

With a deep breath she twisted her wrist, affectively pushing the door open.
The room was nearly dark, a small light in the corner allowing enough glow for items to be decipherable. It was more than enough to illuminate her son's pale form. "Eliot" The only thing quicker than the hand going to cover her mouth was the tears that fell to her face. "What happened to you?" She barely choked out. This was definitely not the angry man she had last seen; this was her little boy looking hurt and alone. "Baby" An unsteady hand hesitantly moved to push hair away from his brow. "My poor baby" She closed her eyes in pain. The only thing hurting more than this sight was the realization of so many wrong doings.

"Mama?"

Her eyes flew open in something close to fear; her choking on a sudden sob as she swore, "I'm sorry!"

Confusion sat clearly in his eyes, his hand reaching out to test this reality.
With hardly any strength he barely managed to brush against her arm but she pulled back as if she had been burned. "Mama?"

"I'm sorry" She shook her head even as she backed away.
Tears persistent in her voice as she edged her way back to the door. "I'm so sorry"

E/N: Whatcha think?

Sorry it took so long but fanfic is not working for me at all. I can't upload, copy, or paste and it is so frustrating!
Hopefully they fix it soon so it isn't such a hastle to get things out there. Anywho, hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!