There was a fine line between being in love with somebody and feeling deeply attracted to someone, lust; if you will and Finn was currently dancing on that very fine line. There was an uneasy feeling within his stomach that morning, a feeling that could only resememble sickness - very similar to motion sickness and it wasn't due to his hangover. When he woke and saw her glossy jet black strands of hair spilling over the pillow beside him, he knew he was in the shit. If Finn was being perfectly honest, he wasn't feeling guilty over the fact he had slept with her but more due to the fact how drunk and high they were and how he didn't actually get to - shall we say - experience it? Experience... Finn guessed that was the word he was looking for, his brain too mashed to scramble for a word in that hungover little mind of his. Then another thought crossed his mind;
What if they didn't actually sleep together?
No, the condom, dried sweat, scratch marks and nakedness proved otherwise. Finn needed a cup of tea, a smoke and a place to have a good think. Now, Finn knew there was a difference between thinking you felt something and actually feeling it - and Finn knew he wasn't imaging this feeling. He knew he was feeling something strong for Rae but he was too scared to actually admit it, just in case she didn't reciprocate and threw it back in his face - followed by laughter and telling everyone else. That 'Everyone else' Involving a certain skinny and beautiful brunett-
"Finn", Snapped Rae from the passenger's seat, he looked at her slowly and asked in a dazed, "Wha'?" She then rolled her eyes and gave a playful smile before mocking, "You're wanderin'", Taking the piss from all the times he'd ever said that to her, in which he snapped out of it and played along, "Fuck off! I'm 'ungover!" Which she pulled a face at him, and, of course, he replicated before the pair smirked at each other. Rae then said, "Oh! And we're almost there Chop said", Finn nodded slowly, letting the information sink in, "Cool", The pair then grew silent and wrapped up in their own hungover thoughts - mainly revolving around last night.
It wasn't too long before the sight of the fairground was ahead and it looked sick - despite it being only one in the afternoon and it'd probably look even more amazing with the lights and all that jazz. But it was amazing, nonethless. It was a large, standard, traveling funfair that was set out on a long and ridiculously green field. At the enterance was a large overhead opening with a clown's head and flashing lights, on the tongue of the clown balanced and spilled out a long sign that read; "HULL FAIR - ENTERANCE". Within the fair, the gang could see the typical amusement games - such as 'hook-a-duck'. A candyfloss and confectionary stand, burger and chips stand, etc - something the lads had already eyed up. There was a ride with swings on it that must have reached at least 100 ft. A rollercoaster, a ball that flung people in the air - basically every carnival ride you could imagine and love. Even from within the car you could hear the music blasting, the screams and just overall funfair buzz.
As the cars of three pulled into the dirt and grass car park, Rae beamed and Finn boomed, "Mate, am buzzing!" Before doing his little finger snap and beaming. Rae then giggled and it caused something to waver in Finn's stomach, something that caused him to grow lost in thought. He snapped out of it when Rae asked, "Y' comin'?" Finn nodded, "Yeh, just gimme a sec. Feel dead sick", Rae scoffed a laugh and playfully quipped, "Shouldn't drink so much then should y'", In which he rolled his eyes but smirked at her. Rae then climbed out, shutting the door after her and walking over to the others. Finn watched from the car before huffing and exhaling, rubbing a hand over his face. He couldn't believe what he was going to ask her but he needed to, otherwise he'd spend the rest of his life wondering what could've been...
As soon as Finn stepped out the car the smell of sugary doughnuts and burgers wafted into his face, causing his stomach to curdle but also twitch with hunger - grease and sugar were Finn's answer to hangovers. Every time. He gave a head nod as he approached everyone, who were far too busy arguing over what to go on first - well all apart from Rae. Rae honestly couldn't give two shits about what they went on, just as long as she got to ride the waltzers - even with a hangover she was still willing to get on them. Rae and Finn shared an eyeroll before tuning in, just as Chop spoke up, "Right, everyone shut the fuck up! Now, we'll start off with the big swings, make it an easy one first. Then the miami wave, then the slingshot, then the big wheel, that big weird ball thingy, dodgems, the waltzers, the twister and then the rollercoaster. Tha' fair enough? Yeh?" He asked looking at everyone who nodded before Rae piped up, "As long as I get t' go on waltzers, I don't give a shit", Which caused Chop to smile before jokingly quipping, "'ere are Finn, they've got a kid's bit. Y' can go there", In which Finn pulled a face before the two messed about as the gang made their way inside.
Finn then fell to the back of the group with Rae, lowly asking out of ear shot, "D'y' reckon Chop and Iz 'eard Archie and Johnny before?" Dodging a passerby as he looked at Rae, Rae shook her head, "No as he wouldn't be 'ow he is", She said, nodding in the direction of Chop; who currently had Johnny in a head lock and sharing a laugh with Archie, before continuing, "Chop doesn't do subtle", Which caused Finn to grin before he grew serious, "Listen, Rae, can we talk later? Need to ask y' summat", She frowned, "An' why can't y' tell me now?" He gave her a cheeky look, "Cause I like t' piss y' off", Before he then jogged ahead, in which she called out, "Prick!" Causing him to turn, jogging backwards as he smirked at her before he turned back and joined everyone. Rae stood for a moment, shaking her head - what the bloody hell could he want now?
Chloe felt on edge, her skin itchy under his stare. Well, not exactly his stare but more his presence as he wasn't exactly staring at her but he was still there. It was weird, the tension. It felt as if it was pressing down on her, weighing her down but also - felt like nothing. Tension, it's an odd thing. A very odd thing, it's like it's there and you can feel it but it's also as if it's not there and makes you wonder whether that other somebody can feel it too - which appeared that Nelly didn't seem to feel.
Chloe currently sat upright on the couch, all shoulders tense and fingers fidgeting. Whilst Nelly sat on the armchair, slumped and relaxed; smoking on a cigarette. Chloe's video tape of Friends was now finished and only the black, grey and white blury lines came up - leaving the room more silent than needed to be. Chloe then sighed before asking, "D'y' want a cup o' tea or-" "No, ta", He said, cutting her off as he exhaled some of his cigarette. She pulled a face, eyes wide at his rude tone. She then continued, rising to her feet and edging towards the door, "Well, am just gonna go make one as I-" "Sit down", He quipped, in which she frowned. Over his shoulder he barked, "Sit down", As if she were some obediant lap dog. Her mouth dropped into an 'O' And she frowned, incredulous. But once realising he wasn't backing down, she took back to her spot on the couch.
Another long pause took place before he leaned forward and stumped out his cigarette in the ash tray on the coffee table before he leaned back and another moment passed. Chloe then huffed, "Look, Nelly, if it's money y' wantin' then we-" He shook his head, cutting her off, "Ain't money I want, it's more of an.. An agreement", She frowned, off her look he rose to his feet, moved over to the couch and sat closely beside her... Too close for Chloe's liking. She felt all hairs on her arms and the back of her neck rise in fear, but he seemed so laid back... It set her on edge.
He then spoke, "Y'know, y' a very pretty girl, Chloe. Our Finn is a very lucky lad", Not letting her guard down, she folded her arms and snapped, "Wha' d'y' want, Nelly?" He smirked, his eyes hungry, "Now, now, no need to get snappy", His tone patronizing but laced with, somewhat, amusement. She pushed her tongue against her bottom lip and scoffed, shaking her head. She then froze as she felt his finger lightly graze her thigh up and down, which she then glowered and pulled her leg away; shooting a glare. He then scoffed a laugh, "Didn't take y' as the fragile type, Chloe", The way he spoke her name made her want to vomit, she then snapped, "Yeh, well I 'ave a boyfriend", He gave her a look, "Weren't sayin' that t' Alistar though, were y'?" She sharply looked at him, feeling all blood drain right to her toes, "Wha'?" She asked quietly, suddenly unable to find her voice.
He then rose to his feet before looking down at her and sarking, "Just keep tha' in mind for next time, babe", He then leaned down, kissed her on the cheek and swaggered out - a sudden spring in his step. Chloe stayed still, until she heard the front door creak open and slam shut; she then felt her eyes fill up. She ran a hand roughly through her hair and sniffed before barking, "Shit!"
It was just getting to past two in the afternoon and all they had left were the dodgems and the waltzers as they'd rode everything else at least twice and even managed to squeeze a few games in. They were in the que for the dodgems, Johnny and Chop were two couples from the front, Izzy and Finn were behind them and Rae and Archie were at the back. Johnny and Chop had their backs to the two in front of them in the que and as they were messing about Johnny accidentally knocked into one of the girls behind them, "Oh shit, sorry", He spoke as he turned, he then noted the two girls behind him and his lips curled into a smile as he recognised the shorter girl of the two, she returned his smile, "It's alright", He then took in her face before shaking his head, realising he'd been staring and felt like a right weirdo, "S... Sorry, it's just I know y' face from somewhere", She then giggled, "Maybe cause we went to school together for eleven years".
It then slowly kicked and a wave of feelings washed over him as it all clicked, it was Brogan. Fit Brogan as he used to call her or, his childhood crush. (Johnny was Bi, just to clear up confusion.) He'd fancied Brogan ever since she pulled out her Spiderman lunchbox back in Year One. He then clicked and pointed a finger at her, "Y' Brogan aren't y'?" Taking the piss, she replicated his click and point before giggling, "An' y' Johnny", He snorted a laugh before he shook his head, incredulous, "Fuckin' 'ell, ain't seen y' in time", He said as the pair went for a hug, he asked as they pulled away, "Y' been alright?" She nodded, "Yeh, y'?" He nodded, "Yeh! 'Ow's y' mam? She alright?" She sighed, folding her arms, "She's so-so, better than she was though", He nodded, sympathy playing on his face. He and Brogan shared a shy smile before he turned to her friend, suddenly feeling intrusive and like a bit of a knob, "Sorry", He extended a hand, "I'm Johnny". Her friend took his hand and spoke, "Kirsty", He gave her a smile before turning back to Brogan as he pulled away his hand. He went to speak when he heard a cough from behind, he turned and saw the gang staring at him; frowns and offense that he hadn't introduced them playing upon their faces. He then turned to Brogan, "Oh! Yeh, Brogan this is Chop, Ra-" She giggled, "Don't worry, I remember everyone", Before she leaned to her left slightly, giving everyone a little wave - which was reciprocated with just head nods and mumbles. The group were not really the welcoming type.
Johnny and Brogan then turned back to each other, Johnny then asked, "So, wha' y' doin' now? Y' at college or anythin'?" She shrugged, "Workin'", He went to ask something else when he felt Chop tug on his over-sized plaid shirt and say, "C'mon before someone gets it before us", In referral to a bumper car. He gave Brogan a sympathetic smile and shouted as he was being dragged onto the ride, "S'y' later yeh!?"
Although he suddenly felt on cloud 9, he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling from Archie's burning stare. He climbed into the passenger's seat of his and Chop's little bumper car - Chop being the driver. Finn and Izzy were paired, Finn being their driver. Which left Archie and Rae but Rae took the role of the driver as Archie even agreed that he was useless at that kind of shit. Firestarter by The Prodigy began to blast, the gang and other riders were rearing to go. Finn clocked Rae and narrowed his eyes at her which she replicated and they were off, cars knocking ten bells out of each other, laughter boomed along with screeches and screamings - with the occasional swear.
Rae and Archie then saw Finn and Izzy were cornered, so, Rae zoomed over and came crashing into Finn's car - earning a scream from Izzy which transcended into laughter. Finn gasped before playfully glowering and booming, "Y' cheeky bitch!" Earning a howl of laughter from Rae and Archie - the chase began. Rae dodged in-n-out of fellow drivers, Finn on her tail.
Where Johnny and Chop were concerned, they were trying their best to involve themselves into the gang's little chase - but Johnny couldn't help himself and kept on persuing after Brogan and Kirsty. But in a certain moment Johnny glanced at Archie and the world slowed down, his stomach fluttered as he watch Archie laughing with Rae as they played cat and mouse with Finn and Izzy - sometimes two people are made for each other but aren't meant to be together.
Once they'd finished their rounds of rides, they were all starving and were in need of grease. Rae, Finn and Archie bought a tray of chips each - Finn decided to be greedy and get a cheese burger with onions and tomato ketchup as well - Izzy just stuck to candy floss, and Chop and Johnny went halves on a tray of chips as neither were feeling up to having a full one each. Rae glanced around the group and could only feel bliss, pure bliss. No messed up thoughts, no sadness or emptiness - not even happiness - just content and bliss. She couldn't recall the last time she felt this feeling, the sadness and hallowness of everything over taking the feeling of normality that she felt a time ago.
Everyone wants to be happy. Some seek happines differently from others, some seek happiness through music, some through writing, some through people and some through their job - but all for the same reason. Happiness. It's a funny little thing and a funny little word, you can feel it through the little things, such as;
- Drinking tea.
- Discovering old photographs.
- Finding things you thought you had lost a long, long time ago.
- A smile from a stranger.
- Buying new shampoo and conditioner.
- Having lazy sex on a Sunday afternoon.
- Or even so much as a text.
You can also feel it through the big things, such as;
- A birthday.
- Finally dating the person you've liked for years.
- Giving/recieving a present.
- Somebody or yourself, even, finding out they're/you're pregnant after years of trying.
- Somebody getting engaged.
- Having sex with somebody you love for the first time (Despite it being awkward).
From big to small, happiness is important and it's very much like sadness and pain: It demands to be felt. Our minds are fascinating, you never find yourself seeking for happiness as much as you seek for sadness. Let's be honest, we love feeling sorry for ourselves - not feeling happy with ourselves. We prefer to be sad than happy. But we never know why... It becomes so much more easier to sit and think everything over and cry to our little heart's content, instead of brushing everything away and celebrating the little every day achievements. Because we're stupid and selfish like that. We choose the easier and short-lasting option, rather than the harder and long-lasting option. Because we are that lazy. But, when happiness is there - we bathe in it. We bask in the glory that is happiness but we don't max it out to it's full potiental and fully appreciate it.
Another thing that stops happiness: Pride. We'd rather be stubborn and keep to ourselves than let ourselves be happy.
Or maybe that's just Britain.
But say, for example, you could recieve ten compliments within the space of minutes of each other but then have one negative comment an hour later and that comment will stay with you, not only for the day, but for the rest of your life. It gets under your skin and lives inside of you, until it eats you alive and consumes your every thought - it controls and swallows you whole. It's like depression, the only way depression could be described is like you're drowing excepting you can see everyone around you living and breathing.
Depression.
Another funny little thing and another funny little word. Depression is an amazing thing in the sense of how common it has become - especially in teenagers. Shock horror, teenagers can actually get depressed! That was sarcasm, if you didn't notice. But depression, you grow so accustomed to it that you don't feel it anymore. You don't feel anything anymore. You just feel empty, and that's it. You can't cry, you can't sleep, or eat and whenever you laugh - you can't feel it.
Did you feel happy at the beginning of this part but then suddenly sad? That's pretty much the mood swings of what a depressive goes through daily. Your happiness is so short - you feel as if you imagined it. It's frightening but then you get used to it. It weighs you down, until you feel as if you're weighed down onto your bed and you can't move. Even washing your hair or speaking becomes such a task. Usually with a depressive you think it'd be so easy to spot one, but it's not. You think they'd walk around with greasy hair, tired eyes and a slumped posture - but no. Depressives walk around with the biggest smiles, the loudest laugh and the most well looked after appearance. A depressive is the most clever and decieving person you could possibly imagine, they give the best advice and know exactly how to make you happy within seconds - because they never want you to feel the way they do when they lie alone. Never underestimate a depressive.
You never know who's one.
Hence why nobody suspected Rae. Loud-mouth, always happy and funny Rae. So, when she did snap - it surprised everybody. Even Finn, and he watched her spiral downwards from the beginning.
As it reached four and the sun began to slowly set, the gang decided to leave the fair on a candyfloss high. They all climbed into the cars in their pairs and left the funfair car park, Rae decided she didn't wanna sit in silence and she most definitely didn't wanna come off this high by talking about last night with Finn. So, she put on the radio and Please Please Please by The Smiths lulled out through the car. The pair sung along, all chilled, all smiles and all peaceful. Neither of them knew whether it was the soft and lazed tones from the song, the glow from the sun or the after-buzz from the fair but they just knew they were happy.
But they were about to get even happier as, as soon as they reached the camp they re-set everything up and soon got the beers flowing. Time had passed and the only glow came from the flickers of the blazing campfire the boys had set up, the gang all sat round it - Archie and Rae sat as one, Finn sat on his own and the other trio sat together. Rae drank a vodka and coke, Finn and Johnny drank a bottle of budweiser whilst both smoking a joint each, Archie was passed out, Izzy just stuck to water and Chop was off his face on something.
Now, despite Chop having a bad past with drugs; he still did them. Just not frequently, it was mainly weed he did - the rest of the drugs only every now and again unlike when he used to do them almost every day.
Finn eyed Rae over his beer and felt a slight twitch come from his jeans, the effects of the acid, weed and alcohol increasing his hormones more than usual - and Rae got him going at the best of times. She clocked him and he raised his eyebrows at her before cocking his head to the woods, she caught on and gave a little head nod - her eyes slightly glazed. He placed his beer on the floor, flicked away his joint, rose to his feet and headed into the woods without a word, nobody bothering to look up as everyone was too drunk, high and wrapped in conversation - Archie the stiff couldn't really pipe up as he was passed out.
Rae counted to ten, placed her plastic cup on the floor and then rose to her feet; following Finn. She found him through the darkness of the trees, the outline of his frame as he walked. She called out, her words slurred, "Finn?" He paused and looked over his shoulder, his lips cocked into an open smirk - a look that Rae had never seen Finn pull, one of the sexiest smirks and looks Finn had ever gave. He then approached her, his body trapping her between himself and a large oak tree behind her. She then asked, "Wha's up? I'm sure it's not to show me 'ow fantastic the trees are", He gave a drunken laugh as he looked towards the ground before he slurred, "I wanted t' ask y' summat", He took a moment, trying to find the words the place in a non-vulgar way. He frowned before saying as he looked at her, "Look, fuck it. Am just gonna come out with it as it's been bothering me for weeks, now, y' can say no if y' want t' but basically 'ow would y' feel about... Y'know... Me an' y'?" She frowned, "Finn, am not sure am followin'", He huffed with impatience, "Wha' am sayin' is 'ow would y' like to 'ave sex with me, an affair if y' want, for a week straight and if y' don't like it then we can stop and if y' do then we can carry it on until we either get caught out or get bored".
She paused, frowning... Had she heard right? By the look on his face, she heard exactly right. She didn't mean to come out with it but it were as if her lips weren't attatched to her brain as she asked, "But, wha' about Chloe and Al?" He scoffed, "Oh, fuck 'em, Rae!" Rae frowned, folding her arms, "Wow, some boyfriend y' are", Her tone harsh and sarcastic. He scoffed, "And Al's an angel?" His tone was just as harsh. She glowered, what he was implying was something Rae knew to be true and was enough to infuriate her; she then scoffed, "Y' can be a spiteful little cunt sometimes, Finn", Before she stormed past him. But he wasn't going to let her or this go, so, he jogged after her and grabbed her by the wrist, "Rae!" She then turned, bellowing, "Wha'?!" He then slurred, "Fuck it", Before placing his hands on her face and pulling her in for a kiss. She pushed away and smacked him harshly across the face before huffing and pulling him in, laying a massive kiss upon his lips.
It was enough to start the pair off, the anger mixed with the cocktail of drugs and alcohol increasing their hormones more than ever before. She then backed him into a tree and pulled away, giving him a look that showed it was her turn to be in control. He then whispered, "Rae?" She gave a wicked smirk before lowering herself onto her knees, on a perfect level with his crotch. In record timing, she unfastened his jeans, whipping them and his boxers down to his ankles - his penis sprang to attention. He then slurred, "But wha' if someone sees?" She looked up, giving him a look, "And, wha', y' were 'appy 'avin' sex?" He snorted a laugh, "Fair point", His laughter turned to a hiss of pleasure as her lips came into contact with his head. She ran her tongue from his shaft right up back to his head before she began to get to work. Her head bobbed as she sucked and licked, earning deep throaty moans from Finn. He gripped her hair hard whenever she take him from certain angles, an overload of pleasure coursing through his veins whenever she did so - especially when her teeth grazed along his head. He wanted her, he needed to feel every inch of her. But the way her lips and tongue curled around him kept him still - his eyes glazing over as he focused on how good her hands felt cupping his arse and how talented her tonuge was. As she bobbed, sucked, grazed and even used her hands; Finn could feel himself coming to his close, well, it had been a good thirty minutes - maybe even longer as they stopped every so often due to noises. One more bob and Finn lost it, his head tilting back and rest against the tree as he felt his hormones hightened as he came to his end - well she beat any girl he'd ever recieved a blow job from.
And that was saying something.
She rose to her feet, wiping the corners of her mouth. Finn noticed as he pulled up his boxers and jeans, he jokingly quipped, "Mmm, classy", Which earned a laugh. He then fastened his jeans before he asked, "So am guessing tha's a yes then?"