Two sides of the same coin
Chapter 5. Buried truths
Not a week after Isobel was sent home, Scola approached Jubal at the JOC and took him aside a bit to talk to him discreetly.
"I thought I saw Isobel heading to her office, leaning on a cane. Is she already back?
"No. She's still on medical leave," Jubal replied, puzzled.
He tried to talk to Isobel every day, despite the distance she imposed between them. The previous evening, she had once again kept the conversation confined to the professional, but she hadn't mentioned anything about going back to work.
Maggie approached as well.
"I thought so," said Scola. "At first I thought I had seen wrong. But I didn't. It was Isobel. I'm sure."
"Is she all right?" Maggie wondered.
Jubal exhaled and exchanged a worried look with them. "I don't know. I'll find out, okay?" He left things running at the JOC and went looking for her.
It wasn't hard for him to find her. She was simply in her office. As it turned out, Hawkins was there, too.
"…that broke the camel's back, Castille."
The ADIC seemed furious. Jubal did not like his attitude at all. It was aggressive and disrespectful. Isobel remained unperturbed, however, though it startled Jubal that her makeup failed to fully hide the pallor and sunken look of her cheeks, the dark marks under her eyes from lack of sleep.
"What's the matter?" Jubal interrupted, walking into the office not caring about appearing rude. He wasn't going to leave her alone dealing with Hawkins.
"Shut up, Valentine. I'll deal with you later," the ADIC threatened, pointing a finger at him and turning back to Isobel, but Jubal's presence seemed to take his arrogance down a notch or two.
"You leave my ASAC and my people out of this, Hawkins," she said with a warning tone. "They just obeyed my orders."
"Very well, Castille. But you'll have to answer to the OPR."
Jubal felt uneasy at how self-satisfied the ADIC seemed, as if he had managed to lure her into the trap, and that was precisely what he wanted.
"As you wish," Isobel replied perfectly calmly. "The OPR will rule in my favor."
"Oh yeah? And what makes you think the OPR will be lenient in the face of your blatant insubordination?" Hawkins snapped at her with irritating irony.
"Well, quite simply," Isobel stood up without a hint of hesitation despite her injured leg and seemed suddenly very tall, "because the current Protocol for undercover operations in penitentiary institutions, in its section 17, section 3, establishes that 'In the event of serious physical risk to undercover operatives, the executive agent in command in the field shall have the power to take such action as they consider appropriate, using such means at their disposal and as they deem necessary, to ensure the integrity of such operatives'. And I..." her eyes gave off a dangerous glint, "was in the field."
That left the ADIC speechless. Jubal shifted his weight on his feet, smiling genuinely and utterly impressed. Isobel suppressed a smile of her own and looked away from him as if she feared he was going to make her laugh.
Indignant, Hawkins looked toward Jubal, who gave an expressive nod of his head as if to say, 'Anything else to add?'.
"We'll see," grumbled Hawkins and walked out of there.
Jubal did not watch him leave. He was staring at Isobel with admiration. She was smiling at him... Then suddenly, she was not.
It was bewildering and demoralizing.
He watched her sit down with a grimace. "Are you in pain?" he asked somewhat hesitantly; he had learned by now that he would probably only get 'I'm fine' for an answer. "Why did you come if-?"
She raised an eyebrow. "I don't have to explain to you what I do," she replied dryly.
Things being as they were, it hit Jubal harder than it should have. "This is absurd, Isobel," he protested, not controlling his irritation. "You should be at home, resting."
Isobel was slow to answer, as if searching for words. She lowered her gaze. "At home I couldn't take it anymore."
Her defeated tone, her haunted eyes, like bottomless pits, shook Jubal violently. He immediately regretted being rude to her. For a few moments, he was about to run to hold her in his arms, but he knew Isobel would not let him. Especially not there in the office.
His voice softened. "Alright. But take it easy, okay?" he asked without hiding his concern.
She nodded, but had already turned her attention back to the paperwork. "Do you want to talk about-?"
"No," Isobel cut him off.
Jubal sighed heavily and turned to leave.
"But I didn't need your permission to stay anyway," she said at his back.
He lost a step before walking on. It was striking how desperate Isobel could be. Jubal returned to his desk with clenched fists.
As he was sitting down, Elise gave him an anxious look from her station. Maggie or Stuart must have filled her in. "Any luck?" she asked, and looked dismayed when he shook his head.
Jubal accessed his terminal, but stared at the screen without looking at it.
He could not just stand on the sidelines, watching her suffer; there had to be something he could do. Jubal only hesitated for a few moments more before he began to investigate.
·~·~·
It took several deep breaths and exhalations to dissipate her anxiety. Treating Jubal this way had left Isobel with a very bitter aftertaste.
Moreover, she was angry with him for making it even harder for her.
She knew Jubal had the best of intentions, but with his addiction, with his past infidelity –like Jake– with his tendency to guilt –like Kyle–... Jubal was a whole collection of red flags for her. That was without counting the barrier of the positions they both held. The inconvenience was obvious. Yet Isobel was finding it harder and harder to ignore how much he cared about her. And how much she needed him.
That was not good. She had to stand firm.
She thought about what Jubal and the team might have meant to her, and she to them. The happy mirage of belonging she had felt with everyone during those weeks –which had seemed but a blink of an eye– was fading rather than becoming reality.
It was nothing more than a… transitory insanity.
Gone would be the meals with the team, the dinners of chat and laughter, the pleasant lunches with Jubal, the evenings on his couch, laughing at some silly comedy. How close she had felt to him...
It hurt more than seemed possible but she would deal with it on her own. As she had always done. Otherwise, if she let them get close, if she let Jubal get close for real... Isobel couldn't help but fall apart completely.
And then, she would have simply exposed them to all that horror, to that suffering, for nothing.
·~·~·
He didn't know exactly why he started there. A spark of intuition perhaps.
Searching through the documentation of current directives, Jubal He located it soon enough. "Protocol for undercover operations in penitentiary institutions", he read as a title in the metadata of the document management system. He consulted the history and went directly to the first revision. Jubal knew this protocol well. Not only was it part of the syllabus he had to study for the exam that qualified him for organizational positions, but he had recently reviewed it before sending OA and Maggie to Green Haven. However, he didn't usually pay attention to who drew up the procedures; he simply abided by its instructions. Leaning back against the back of his chair, Jubal exhaled slowly.
The name listed as the author of the original document was Isobel A. Castille.
No wonder she could recite it by heart.
Now he understood why Isobel had always shown such an interest in reviewing protocols. Jubal could well remember how impressed he had been a few years ago that she, even though she was SAC only for a few weeks, had insisted on improving the Threat Response protocol after the X2 Club shooting case. He then remembered also how she risked her career in the face of Sentinel's threats. Her obsession seemed to be preventing tragedies from happening again.
An unexpected feeling of unease moved up Jubal's spine. Suddenly he knew where he should look next.
When he finally found something, it didn't take him long to realize that he probably shouldn't have.
~.~.~.~
Next chapter, "Darkness before dawn": She couldn't help but drown in her own darkness, but she wasn't the only one.