Chapter Sixty-Nine

"You can rest here." He heard Eliot say as the car came to a stop.
The irony in that statement wasn't lost on him. "Yeah, I'll rest." And if it hadn't been ironic enough Eliot yawned as they got out of the car. "But," Nate couldn't help but look around as he followed Eliot. "Where exactly are we?"

"Does it matter?" He wanted to scream "Heck yeah it matters" seeing as he was standing in absolute seclusion yet looking at a place that would be described in one word as Mayberry, but he held his tongue. Instead he shook his head, "I guess not" as he watched Eliot jimmy the lock on the front door. "As long as it doesn't land us in jail."

That caused Eliot to laugh slightly as he asked, "Since when does a little breaking and enterin' make ya' nervous?"

"It's not the breaking in that's making me nervous." Nate shared as Eliot pushed the door open.

"You trying to say I make ya' nervous?" Eliot quipped as Nate entered and he pushed the door shut.

"Not you as much as your intentions." After all he was only a chandelier and a few trees away from saying he was in a mansion in the forest.

"Well I can assure ya' my intentions are pure ma'am."

"You know what i meant jackass." Nate swore as Eliot stepped over to what Nate assumed was the sofa.

"Right back at ya' asshole." He laughed as he pulled a sheet off the couch.

"Seriously though," Nate watched as Eliot uncovered a wood box by the fireplace. "What is this place?"

"Somewhere to relax." Eliot offered vaguely as he started working on a fire.

"Is it yours?" Nate sat on the sofa, noting that it didn't have the expected smell of dust and moth balls.

"Not everything's a possession Nate." With that statement he gave the room an assessing look, as if to make sure everything was in place, before taking his seat beside Nate.

"So" Nate breathed out as he tried to think of anything to say that wouldn't involve their location or the million questions he had surrounding it.

"You gonna tell me what was up with all the double talk at the restaurant? Cuz ya'll weren't exactly subtle about the dance you were doing around certain subjects." Eliot voiced something that was really starting to bother him.

"I thought we came here to relax?" Nate tried for avoidance. He didn't really want to deal with this conversation at the moment.

"And we will; as soon as you tell me what everyone's been tip-toeing around."

"It's nothing..." He wanted to say bad, but who was he to say if it was bad or not. Instead he settled for, "you don't already know."

"So what is it that I know? Last time I checked I didn't know anything that would have everyone acting like one wrong word would have me cracking up." More than once he'd noticed a wayward look in his direction.

"They're just not sure if you'd be bothered with them mentioning topics involving your diagnosis." Nate offered vaguely. He really didn't want to go into detail.

"Topics? What topics? It's lead poisoning for Christ's sake!" The awkward silence had him crazy suspicious. "Nate, what haven't you told me?"

"Now Eliot, He had a feeling this wasn't going to end well. "I didn't know that you didn't know. Not until today when they kept sticking their feet in their mouths and looking to you to see if you'd noticed. I swear, I wasn't keeping anything from you."

"Alright, so what is it that I don't know that I know?" He just wasn't in the mood to be angry.

"It isn't anything really, just after effects that weren't brought up." He really hoped it wouldn't matter to Eliot because it didn't matter to him, but with how closely pressed into Eliot's past this could become he wouldn't hold his breath.

"Like the stuttering?" He couldn't help but listen to the voices saying he was being laughed at. That they all knew something he didn't know and were using it as personal amusement.

"Kind of" Nate offered as he tried to think of the best way to word things. "but that's more frustration than complication. What they're talking about is pure maybe and honestly I wouldn't waste my time worrying about things that may not even happen."

"Like what Nate? Honestly?" All he wanted was a straight answer.

"They think you might end up with attention or behavioral problems." He couldn't help but stare at Eliot.

"Why don't you just say it Nate?" He could see it in his eyes. "You think I have both."

"You've always had both." Nate joked to which Eliot smirked.

"Don't I know it." But he also knew, "It's just been more obvious than usual lately.

"Eliot I don't care abo-"

"What else Nate?" He needed to know.

"Your eyes, your ears, your kidneys, your memory; all those things might go out on you." He didn't miss the way Eliot's jaw locked as he laid back.

"I chose to get beat and tortured for a living. I guarantee you half of those lights were going to go out anyway." Those words had him turning to Nate with the realization that, "You know all of that though, so what is it you aren't telling me Nate? What is it that's making ya' uncomfortable?" And that was what truly had him asking. Sarah and Aaron being worried was normal. Even the awkwardness between the three of them since his accident was normal, but Nate being fidgety about something wasn't normal. Not when he was usually straight forward about the situation.

"They think," Nate hadn't a clue how to say this. He didn't want to. He didn't think he should have to, but Eliot wanted to know and he couldn't just not tell him. He couldn't ignore the pleading in his eyes as he waited for a response. "They think that," He couldn't say it'd be okay or that it wasn't that bad. Just like he couldn't assure Eliot that it wouldn't change anything because for all he knew it would change everything. For all he knew it would devastate Eliot.

"Nate" Eliot placed a hand on Nate's knee to ease his nerves as much as his own; Nate's hesitance had him genuinely anxious. "What is it?"

"There's the chance... you could be infertile." Immediately he was looking for a reaction but all he managed to see was distance as Eliot repeated, "I could be infertile" as if he was trying to let it sink in.

"If it bothers you El you can always get it checked out." He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to think. Hell, he didn't know what Eliot was thinking. All he knew is that he didn't want Eliot to use this as an opportunity to go back to that time or that place. He didn't want him to relive that loss.

"Infertile?" Eliot breathed out once more as he thought back to a bunch of sad stares.

"Eliot?" He felt like he should be comforting him but he was fearful that such actions would insult Eliot instead.

"Nate" His gaze never left the wood crackling in the fire as he pulled his legs up onto the couch. "Lay with me."
"El" He didn't fight as Eliot pulled him down. His heart hurting from absolute cluelessness. "Just lay with me for a while." Eliot whispered as he buried his face in Nate's chest, ignoring the jolting that Nate caused as he rearranged himself comfortably. "I'm right here babe" Nate swore as he placed a kiss to Eliot's hair, pulling him into an embrace that offered a warmth no fire could ever match. "We'll rest now."

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"What are you thinking about?" Parker voiced as she sat on the coffee table in front of Hardison. He had been sitting there for some time now and she honestly didn't like it.

"Nothing much Parker," He sighed as he focused his eyes on hers. "Just visiting with some old memories."

"Of Eliot?" She couldn't help but make him her first guess.
After all he seemed to be the topic of just about everything lately.

"I was thinking about how much I've learned about him, about all of you, since we first met."

"When you were threatening to shoot people." Parker smirked.

"With the safety on." It amused him how foolish he had been. "But it also got me thinking," All traces of amusement were gone from his features. "How much haven't I changed since then?"

"Everyone changes Hardison," She didn't like it that he seemed upset. "A system's no good unless you can upgrade."

"But upgrades aren't any good if they're more trouble than they're worth."

"Hardison you aren't more trouble than you're worth." The sudden feeling of needing to offer comforting words was extremely awkward. "In fact you're like the perfect amount of trouble... and... and if you were any less trouble than you wouldn't be worth the trouble because... well then you wouldn't be enough trouble to be troubled with. Which would probably make me not even like you."

"Nice to know Parker." He appreciated her enthusiasm. "I'm just wondering is all, cuz lately I feel like I've been doing more harm than good."

"That's not true."

"Yeah? Then how come every time I open my mouth I end up sounding like a jackass.
At least before I felt like I was helping, I felt like he knew I was supporting him. Now it's just like he feels attacked; worry comes off as anger and fear comes out as judgement." He dropped his head in embarrassment. "I don't even know what's up with me anymore."

"So fix it." She didn't know what else to say. It wasn't like she could change how he felt. "All you have to do is find a place to start."

"See, I've been thinking about that too." A good portion of his time spent on the couch had been used to reflect on the conversation he and Parker had the other night. "And how you were saying that I need to accept things as they are and not how they might be. Well maybe if I focus on what might be I can change what is."

"Alec," He placed a hand over hers and it left her to wonder. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying," That he wanted to change, that he needed a change, but mostly that he was going to change. "Lets have dinner."

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The room had long since gone dark; the fire's light dimming in an almost extinguished flame. He knew he should probably stoke it, but the chill of his toes was nothing when compared to the warmth on his chest. It was a warmth that had been repeatedly denied to him by anger, fear, and misunderstanding but now that it had finally been granted he wouldn't give it up so easily. "Hey Nate," It was hard to believe the silence that surrounded them could be broken by something so soft. "Hmm" He would have sworn Eliot had fallen asleep with how steady his breathing had been. "What are you thinking about?"

"Who says I'm thinking about anything?" He kept his own words quiet as he adjusted to Eliot flipping from his stomach to his side.

"You do." It didn't quite make sense to say but he could feel how occupied Nate's mind was.

"I'm thinking," He didn't stop his fingers from ghosting down Eliot's arm as he tried to gather stray thoughts. "That I've missed you." He could see the beginnings of a protest but he quickly silenced it. "I've missed this Eliot."

"So have I," Eliot breathed as he ghosted a kiss on Nate's cheek. "but that's not what you're thinking about," He could tell just by the way Nate refused to completely relax beside him. "Not really."

"El" He sighed as he brought his hand up to rest on Eliot's side. "I'm thinking about how to keep things like this." Simple came to mind as he pulled Eliot closer still. "I want to keep the bad from ever outweighing the good, but I don't know if that's possible."

"Just think about it like this," Eliot paused as he took a good look at Nate. This was not the same man he'd started this relationship with and for that he loved him all the more. "Even if we're fighting I'll be fighting with you." Nate's laugh had him smiling as he promised, "I'll be with you Nate, never against you." And just like that things had gotten so serious that he just had to lighten the mood. "Or else we can just stay here on the couch, vow to keep quiet for a good while."

"Not gonna work El," Nate shook his head as he pushed himself up onto an elbow.

"And why's that?" He couldn't help but stare straight up into a gaze that was hoovering above him.

"Well... because," Nate paused as he thought up the best way to say this. "Frankly, I've got some flowers to water." It took Eliot a second longer to understand Nate's words than it should've but once there meaning hit him he began to laugh. "Well" Nate grumbled as he tried his best to climb over Eliot without falling. He wasn't exactly sure how he had ended up on the inside of the sofa, he certainly hadn't started there. "It's straight down, your first left, the second door on the right." He shook his head as Nate took off and he stood to stoke the fire. He had no intention of leaving this room; that was until he turned and got a good glimpse of the stairs.

So desperately they called for him, wrapping up his mind in the same way they wrapped around the corner, and though he knew he shouldn't climb them there reach was beyond his self control. In less than a moments time he was at the top looking down, wondering if he would find the strength to descend them once he returned. No matter though, he doubted he'd be going back to the living room after this anyway.

With no attention being put on the left side of the staircase or any of the rooms it held he turned right and headed to the sole living quarters on that half of the house.

It didn't take long to reach the door or turn the handle but he did pause a moment before flicking the light switch.
Suddenly he didn't know what he was doing there. Not in this room or even in this house.
And he especially didn't know why he had brought Nate, but he did know that despite all of that doubt this is where he wanted to be.
Lately he'd been feeling so displaced, especially since being in the treatment center, and this was where he was truly reminded of home. Still memories of this place were bitter-sweet and he wasn't certain that he wouldn't get swallowed by them. A look of the room showed it was still just the same as he used to describe and it had him smirking as he walked over to the one thing that was slightly out of place.

With the hesitance of a stranger he lifted the guitar and walked over to the bed with it. It seemed like the last time he had even attempted to play had been at least ten lifetimes ago but it didn't discourage him as he tried to do so once more. "Somewhere in the night," he nearly hummed as he pulled his fingers over the strings but it didn't sound quite right. Still he tried, "Inside my dreams you burn so bright, and I'm with you there and everything's alright" He couldn't help but think how much he still wanted to be there. "Somewhere in the night... before the darkness turns to light, let me see your face... feel your warm embrace, let me love you, somewhere in my night." And easily enough his mind took him back to her warm embrace when everything was indeed alright.

"Eliot"

"Yeah baby"

"Tell me again" she whispered as she curled into the warmth of his chest.

"Tell you what?" His eyes twinkled knowingly as his fingers twirled the ends of her hair.

"Tell me about the stars as bright as the sun and the ceilings as tall as the trees." Something in the way he spoke of these things made them seem magical; as if his words could actually transport them there.

"Well..." He let out a content sigh as she snuggled into his neck, a trail of light kisses being left behind. "Someday soon we'll have ourselves the nicest place anyone ever called home. We'll have us a beautiful flower garden..."

"Can I plant it myself?" Her question had him smiling as he added, "One that my wife tends to lovingly, which is why it lasts year round."

"Impossible" She laughed.

"Not for us" He swore. "And we'll have a porch that wraps around the entire house so that no matter where the stars you'll always have a front row seat."

"But what happens if we can not find a house that has such a porch?" She drapped her arm over his torso as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Then I'll build it with my own hands."

"Just like you'll build the little one a playhouse?"

"Exactly like that" He dropped one hand to her belly as the other continued to caress her back. "And I'll put it right in the backyard where we'll throw lots of birthday parties."

"For the many children we will have." She smiled as his eyes widened but he took it in stride as he added, "Which is why we'll have at least ten bedrooms inside so that when all of their shouts and laughter get so loud that they echo off of those high ceilings we'll have a place to hide."

"You would hide away from your own children?" She tsked.

"Only if it meant time alone with you Itza." He kissed the tip of her nose. "But the best part will be that it'll be secluded. Just for us. No one can hurt us and they won't be able to take it away either."

"Do you promise?" It was a beautiful dream and she loved hearing all the details Eliot worked into it but she wasn't naive.

"It'll be ours forever." He swore into the darkness of the night.

"Eliot?" He'd only been gone what felt like a minute. Just long enough to go to the washroom, but in that time Eliot had gotten off the couch and gone.
The place was huge and it had taken him a good minute to search it but his quest eventually led him upstairs and to Eliot. He was sitting on the edge of the bed a guitar in his lap, but he wasn't really playing it as much as he was strumming an odd chord every now and again. Clearly he was lost in his thoughts and it had Nate sitting by his side as he asked, "A penny?"

"Hmm?" Eliot hummed as he turned his newly gained attention to Nate. "Just letting you know I'm here if you've got some thoughts to share." He shrugged as he took a good look at Eliot. It looked to him like Eliot was still somewhat in them.

"You really wanna know what this place is?" Eliot stilled his fingers completely as he pulled his knee onto the bed, turning more toward Nate.

"Only if you want me too." Something in the way those words were spoken left him feeling uneasy.

"This," Eliot gestured about. "It's our dream."

"Your dream?" Suddenly Nate felt very out of place.

"This is what I'd describe to my baby when we'd wish for better days." He dropped his head as he began strumming his guitar once more.

"Maritza" Yep, he felt like an intruder.

"I was baking bread, scrubbing floors, and hammering nails just to make ends meet but that didn't stop us from wishing for better. So I started describing this place to her; it was the nicest I'd ever known and I wanted to share it. Soon she started adding in all these little tid-bits and before long it truly became ours." He lifted his gaze to Nate hoping he'd understand.

"So this would have been your house had you gotten her to come to America?" It was clearly important to Eliot that he know this but he wasn't sure why.

"No," Eliot denied. "This place is just a structure. It wouldn't mean anything to me had it not built the foundation of that dream."

"So we're at the beginning" Nate surmised as he detected a hint of envy crawling upon him.
Never had he dared to think up such things for himself and knowing that Eliot had, well it caused a devious jealousy to awake within.

"When I come here and close my eyes," He did just that. "I see our home. I can hear our kids playing. I can actually hear..." He choked on the words as a sorrowful smile spread across his face. "I can hear my Itza laughing."

"Eliot" It angered him that Eliot was upsetting himself so easily when it was already so hard to find something not to be upset about. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I don't know" Eliot confessed as he propped the guitar on the side of the bed. "Hell, I don't even know why I'm here. All I know is that right now this feels like home Nate, and you belong in my home."

"Eliot" He couldn't help the sudden emotion that rushed into his voice as he pulled Eliot into a hug.
A sentence that Eliot barely admitted to his shoulder had Nate's eyes burning as he cursed the only man that had ever brought him to tears. "I just wish I could piece it all together somehow."

E/N: Awwwwww, I couldn't help it! Sad-ish fluff anyone? Lol You know you loved it :)
Anywho, did anyone else notice the length of this thing! It's getting crazy huge... So I'm gonna do my best to get this train back on track and to the station! Thanks for reading and Loves to all!