The following morning, Finn spent longer in the shower than needed - the hot water cleansing his skin and thoughts. As the water coated his body, he stared at the bathroom tiled wall; guilt creeping in. He knew that at the beginning of this affair that he couldn't afford to be guilty, but he couldn't stop the sickly feeling weigh heavy within his chest and turn his stomach. He did love Chloe but he also loved Rae, well, maybe not as much as he loved Chloe - but he did have a soft spot for her. Finn couldn't help but scold himself as he was confusing the situation far too much, so, as he washed himself - he broke down the situation:
Ok, here it was - he loved Chloe but also loved Rae, but was too far in the relationship with Chloe to call it quits to be with Rae now. He had loved Rae for as long as he could remember, but thought it was just an attraction - the same with Chloe.
It just didn't make sense... Maybe he was being stupid, maybe he should call it quits with Rae. He pondered on the thought as he shut off the shower, climbed out the bath tub - the cool air nipping at his skin - wrapping a warm towl off the radiator loosely around his waist and made his way through to his bedroom. He then moved over to his bed, to the side where Rae laid upon her stomach. He looked down at her and brushed away a stray piece of hair that had fallen over her face, he couldn't help but scoff a small laugh and smile as he took in her sleeping face - so peaceful. His smile then fell as he watched her so intently, it was the moment that decided he wanted to continue this little affair; but how he was going to balance a relationship and an affair without screwing up at least one of them was beyond him...
But the longer he stared at her made him realise that some things were worth fighting for.
Chloe was pissed, severly pissed. So, that morning she decided a jog with Archie was needed. The other night in the pub, Chloe spoke to Archie about becoming his running pal as she wanted to get in shape for Summer. So, they both arranged to meet up the morning after New Year's Day and go for a jog. It was a cold morning, the sun glistening off the frosted and lightly coated snow Rutland fields as Archie and Chloe jogged side by side; their breaths coming out in little clouds before them both as they chatted and jog. Chloe had to admit, she was surprised with how fit she actually was - then again maybe last year's gym obsession helped.
The pair were discussing last night and of course, Archie agreed that Finn was a right knobhead for not turning up last night but also didn't take sides and spoke of saying he was sure that Finn probably had a reasonable explanation as to why he hadn't turned up - which Chloe replied with a 'Hmmm'.
As they left The Rutlands and jogged onto the high street, they slowed down and decided to go for a coffee in Johnny's mum's cafe as their lattes were the best in Stamford. The pair entered the shop, mid conversation as they made their way over to the counter - in which Jordanne, one of Archie's friends, was working. She greeted them with a smile, "Y'alright, Archers ?" Archie nodded and continued, "Can we get two salted caramel lattes please, if y' would?" Jordanne beamed, "Yeh, sure. Whipped cream?" Archie then nodded, "I will, Chloe just wants 'er's plain", Jordanne nodded before tapping away at the till, looking up and saying, "Tha's a fiver, ta", Archie and Chloe both dug into their pockets, Archie got their first and handed over a fresh five pound note - Which Chloe frowned at and went to protest, in which Archie brushed it off. Considering it was empty, aside from two old women in the back, Jordanne, Archie and Chloe grew engrossed into a conversation. That is until Katie, one of the other staff members, handed over Archie and Chloe's lattes. The two gave their goodbyes before departing from Jordanne and making their way over to a far back table and sat down, placing their coffees on the table.
Chloe then turned and looked outside to see snow was beginning to fall, only light and it wasn't sticking but it was enough to excite Chloe. She sighed happily and picked up her mug to sip from her latte before turning her attention back to Archie and letting out a howl of laughter as he had whipped cream on his nose, he frowned, "Wha'?" She couldn't speak, only point at her own nose through breathless laughter, in which he shyly wiped away the cream from his nose - embarassment tinted on his cheeks.
Archie then took another sip of his drink before setting the mug down and clasping his hands together as he asked, "So, wha' y' gonna do 'bout the whole Finn thing?" Chloe shrugged and stared at a dirt spot upon the little wooden table in between herself and Archie, too tired to care anymore - Finn's dick-like behaviour now boring and expected. Archie gave a sympathetic half-smile before continuing, "Look, Chloe, I know he can be a dick sometimes bu-" "Remember when Rae and Finn stopped speakin' for those two weeks, cause they fell out summat really stupid?" Chloe saw Archie nod out of the corner of her eye, in which she continued; still not making eye contact, "Y'know in those whole two weeks, he barely said a word, barely ate, never slept. All he did was just sit in the kitchen, didn't move or owt and y'know wha' it's the only time I'd ever seen him care about summat, well someone, so much. So much that he physically couldn't do anythin', like I'd never see him so sad before or so miserable and y'know wha'? I sat there and I wished tha' it were because of me, I know it sounds so pathetic but...", She trailed off, turning her attention to the high street outside.
Archie could kill Finn, as much as Archie loved Finn; he hated his behaviour and the way he treated Chloe. Chloe then asked, her gaze back onto Archie, "Wha' d'y' think I should do?" Archie paused, letting the question sink in and he searched his brain to find an answer; which was, "If y' want my 'onest opinion, then I'd speak to 'im, 'ear 'im out and then shove a foot right down his throat".
And Chloe couldn't agree more.
As it were a Tuesday, Finn would usually be working in the garage but asked Tom, one of his fellow workers, if they could swap shifts as he had a ton of college work to do. Finn decided that since he had the day off he decided to go round to Sally's but it was practically deserted today, the only people in there were two old ladies having a natter in the back and Christine, one of the waitresses, on the counter. Other than that; it was completely empty. Finn took place at the regular table by the window and let out a deep breath, he then took out his work and just stared at it. Unable to make a start.
Just after Rae left the flat, Finn rung Izzy and told her to meet him at the cafe and keep him entertained; offering to buy her a fry up if she came, and she was there within ten minutes after he. As Finn watched passerbys and such outside, he thought it was incredible the way each person held a secret and story, how other people actually had lives – lives no one knew about. Like, a woman just bustled past in a rush; she could have just lost someone, got married, could've been going the hospital to see a loved one or could even have cancer... Or simply could be just going to work. He loved to people watch and often found himself trying to suss them out slightly.
"Divorcee", Finn turned to Izzy, who just broke his thoughts. He raised an eyebrow, Izzy continued, "She was a divorcee, she had divorce papers in her hand and a suit on. Definitely weren't a lawyer as she looked too together", Finn laughed, he loved Izzy. She was defintely one of Finn's closest and oldest friends, they knew each other like they knew Stamford. Knew each others fears, hopes, dreams, scars and secrets. One thing he loved about Izzy was nothing ever got by her, that woman and her papers as an example.
Izzy and Finn called each other, their "Back up" Which basically implied that if neither were married by the time they were thirty then they'd marry each other. That is, unless one of them came out gay suddenly. Izzy was a free spirit, she really didn't believe in relationships. She just didn't see the point of being someone's anything, and Finn put it down to her for the way he were and his views on relationships.
"So, what time did y' get home the other night?" Finn asked as he placed his cup of tea back on the table, Izzy shrugged, "Dunno, I think like two as I got bored", Finn rolled his eyes, "Y' incredible sometimes", she smirked, "Yeh but y' love me for it", He laughed, "Fair enough".
They both turned their attention back out the window and decided to play another game of people watching – Finn writing down some words on his essay every now and again. They randomly called people out every now and again. "Alright, knobheads?" Spoke Chop as he sat in his usual seat next to Izzy, giving her kiss on the cheek, "Where the fuck y' get t' the other night?" Izzy asked him, eyebrow raised. Chop exhaled, "The Rutlands", Finn was taken aback and frowned, "'Ow?" Chop shrugged, "Don't have a fuckin' clue, was such a top night though!" Finn and Izzy couldn't deny that New Year's Eve was one of the best night's they'd had in ages and had to agree.
Chop took a piece of toast off Finn's plate and asked through a mouth of hovis, "Where's everyone?" In which Izzy took a swig of her tea and said, "Al and Johnny are with Trev at his, Chloe's out with Archie, we're here and don't have a clue where Rae is", Without looking up from his work, Finn then responded with, "She in her's", Which Finn's brain then made a mental note of to ring her over how she was doing as she confessed a lot to him last night - checking in with her something he felt the need to now do daily.
He knew Rae was bad, but he never knew how bad. He had to admire Rae and how well she kept it together, well how well she pretended that she was ok. It was incredible how nobody knew how much of a mess she was, Finn was secretly happy that only he knew. Even if it was to do with her being a mental mess, still he was the only one that knew. Not even Al, of all people, knew.
The trio then spoke some more, tossed about some more banter and such. Chop then asked, "So, 'ow come y' not with the missus?" In which Finn shrugged and pretend to be suddenly interested in his work, Chop scoffed, "Y' not seriously fightin' again are y'?" Finn's head shot up, frown upon his brow as he shook his head, "No, it's not tha'", Chop pouted and frowned, sharing a clueless look with Izzy, who shrugged; which Finn didn't notice as he returned back to his work. Izzy and Chop turned their gaze back to Finn, in which Chop went to speak when Izzy interrupted, "Alright, Chlo!" And Finn's breakfast suddenly repeated on him.
Chloe clocked Chop and Izzy but never breathed a word to Finn, instead she simply sat down beside him and gave him a kiss on the cheek and lowly spoke through a smile, "Wait till we get home", Before pulling away and turning to Izzy and Chop, her tone and tune completely changing; all smiles and rainbows. Finn then looked up from his work and tried to involve himself in the conversation but couldn't help and focus on Chloe's words, her tone of voice codeword for;
"You're getting hanged by your little toe".
The last time Finn had ever heard a tone like be used for him, was by his mother and he can still remember it now; clear as day...
It was two summers back and the start of when Finn and Chloe began to get close, the night before; Chloe had fallen out with her boyfriend before Finn - before then drunkenly staggering around to Finn's, in which Finn offered a place on his couch. It was a glorious morning, judging by the heat of Finn's bedroom. He gave a yawn and stretch as he woke that morning before trailing downstairs and into the living room where Chloe slept peacefully upon his couch. The glow of the sun through the curtains meant it must have been gone past six, Finn was right as he looked at the old clock that hung above the mantel piece; reading that it was 8:01.
It was Monday, meaning Finn's shift wasn't till ten. Meaning he had enough time to get a shower, grab a piece of toast and get to the garage. But his first prioty was waking Chloe, so he made his way over and crouched down, "Chloe", He breathed softly, awaiting her response before continuing, "Chlo", It took a few more attempts and a couple of strokes on her back; before she eventually woke.
Through tired eyes and a lazy grin, she croaked a 'Mornin''. He returned her smile and asked, "Y'alright?" She groaned as she did a satisfying stretch, before sighing, "I guess", He then rolled his eyes playfully, "Y' shouldn't get so drunk then should y'", She giggled. He then stood properly and looked down at her as he then spoke, "Listen, I've got a shift till half six. So, y' can go back asleep and wait till I get back or y' can get ready and I'll drive y' home?" She thought about it before innocently asking, "Y'... Y' sure you wouldn't mind me staying 'ere?" He smiled, "Course not, mum's not back till eightish and J's stayin' in nan's, so y'll have a free house and y' can stay for as long y' want", She then smiled a soft and grateful smile, "Thanks, Finn" He shrugged, "It's nowt, now y'know where the kitchen is as y' here enough", She then took a swipe at his legs and shouted, "Cheeky bastard!" They shared a laugh as he dodged her kick before turning and leaving her to do whatever.
Finn left for upstairs and for his bedroom, he stripped down to his boxers and socks when one of the house phones (This being one of two) Rung throughout his bedroom. He picked the phone up off the stand and clicked 'Accept', "Hiii", He answered, in which Rae breathed, "Finn", Her tone sent a surge of panic through his veins as he responded, "Rae? Wha's up?" She let out a sob before sniffing, "Finn, summat has happened to Tix, listen she tried to overdose last night and well she's in hospital and I... Fuck", She roared through heartfelt sobs, in which Finn then butted in; "Rae, calm down", She then sniffed, whimpering, "Listen can y' drive me to the hospital?" His face fell as he picked up his watch off his chest of drawers; checking the time, "Rae, I can't. I've got a shift at ten and I-" She cut him off, pleading, "Finn, please. I'm begging y', my mum can't take me as she's in work and Karim can't drive. I wouldn't ask y', if I wasn't desperate. Please, y' can just drop me off and y' don't have to stay ".
He chewed the inside of his cheek, torn, he exhaled before then saying, "I'll pick y' up in twenty minutes", He heard her let out a, somewhat, happy sob, "Thank y' so much, seriously. Y' don't know how much this means to me, I'll see y' in a bit", And with that, she hung up. Finn then looked at the phone before tapping it against bottom lip in thought, he then sighed before chucking the phone back onto his bed, stripping off his boxers and socks and leaving for the bathroom.
It was going to be a long day.
Finn was showered, dressed and down the stairs within ten minutes. He made his way into the kitchen to find Chloe cupping a mug of tea, leaning against the kitchen units; staring as she grew lost in thought. The smell of toast wafted around the kitchen and he noted the plate of freshly buttered toast on the kitchen counter. He made his way over and took a piece, taking a bit before swallowing it and asking as he leaned his bum against the kitchen units, "Y'alright?" Chloe snapped out of whatever thought she was thinking, it growing smaller in her eyes as looked at him, "Wha'?" Finn laughed a little before repeating his question.
She shrugged, took a swig of tea before swallowing it and saying, "Yeah, just tired", He gave her a small smile and said nothing. A few minutes passed before Finn was chewing on the last bits of toast and saying, "Listen I need to go as there's summat I've gotta do before I got t' work, y' sure y' gonna be alright?" She nodded, "Yeh, I'll be fine", He swallowed the last bit of toast and raised his eyebrows at her, "Promise?" She rolled her eyes playfully and nodded, "Promise, now get out!" She playfully quipped, pushing him out; which he laughed at and left for the hallway.
Luckily for him, his mum had gotten a lift to work off a friend; meaning he had all access to the car. He picked the car keys out the key bowl, shrugged on his hoodie, zipped it up half way and called out, "Chloe! I'll be back around seven, so can y' manage till then!?" He heard her huff playfully and quip back sarcastically, "Nah I think I may just accidentally burn down the house before y' get back!" He rolled his eyes but couldn't help a smile form onto his lips, before he then called back, "Just don't do anythin' I wouldn't do alright?" She then gave another sarcastic respond of, "Yes dad!"
He snorted a laugh, checked his appearance in the hallway mirror before turning and leaving. He trodded down the garden steps, throwing up his hood as a light rain was gracing Stamford with it's presence today and a low whistle left his lips as he made his way out the garden and over to the car. He unlocked the car and climbed in, closing the door; letting out a huff as he mentally prepared himself for the chaos that was about to take place.
He put the car into drive and flicked on the radio, a new single by The Spice Girls hummed out throughout the car. Now Finn wasn't at all into Spice Girls or any pop music but he had to admit that the girl group's songs had a good and catchy beat to them, you know the kind; the kind that would haunt your dreams and still be stuck in your head a week later.
It wasn't long before Finn brought the car to a halt as he was now outside Rae's, he beeped the horn twice and then waited; drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he did so. He bopped his head to the beat before then turning his head to the right and saw Rae walking down her garden steps and over to the car, his heart tightened as he took in her appearance; this wasn't Rae. At all. Her hair was more natural than usual, looking a lot thicker, curlier and untamed. Her face was pale and shown no signs of make up. She wore a maroon criss-cross knit jumper, navy blue skinny jeans and maroon Dr. Martens boots... He felt as if he wasn't looking at Rae, but the ghost of her.
She climbed in, closing the door behind her. She tossed her black leather jacket onto the back seats before turning and putting on her seat belt, he waited a moment before asking, "Y'alright?" She simply stared ahead and softly said, "Drive", Knowing he wasn't getting anything out of her today, he turned his attention to the road, put the car into drive and began the journey to Stamford General.
Finn returned home that night and entered the house to be greeted by Chloe calling out from the living, "Finn!? Tha' you!?" Finn tossed the car keys into the bowl underneath the mirror, calling out, "Yeah!" He then made his way through to the living room; where Chloe lazed on the couch, nursing a cup of tea and watching Brookside. Finn then flopped himself onto the armchair, groaning as he noted what was on, "Y' seriously not watchin' this?" Chloe rolled her eyes, "Wha'? It's brilliant!" Finn scoffed before it then grew silent, well silent until;
"Y' smell of weed", Finn turned to Chloe, who raised an eyebrow at him as she spoke. Finn then shifted slightly, feeling a bit uncomfortable, "Do I?" She scoffed, "Y' reek of it", She took a swig of tea and turned her attention back to the telly. Finn then, stupidly, asked, "Reckon my mum would notice?" Chloe looked at him and her look was enough for him to get up and head for the shower upstairs.
Speaking of his mum, the front door opened and shut which then Janet called out as she entered the living room, "Finn are y'..." She trailed off as she noted Chloe on the couch, growing stiff slightly... She never liked Chloe, there was just something about her that irked Janet, "Oh, hello Michelle. What are y'... What are y' doing here?" Her tone strained, forcing herself to be polite and not tell her where to go. Chloe sensed Janet's sudden hostility and sat up, "Oh hi Miss. Nelson, sorry I urm stayed over last night and Finn said I could chill here for a bit and yeah".
Janet made a mental note to speak to Finn later, before she asked, "Oh right, well are y' staying for tea?" Chloe said, innocently as she could, "I don't wanna be a bother or anythin'!" Janet waved her keys at her, "Oh don't be silly, love! More the merrier", Well that was bullshit. Chloe then smiled a grateful smile, "Thank you", Janet then forced a smile before turning and jogging up the stairs, to be greeted by a half naked Finn; who wore nothing but boxers.
"Oh, hi mum. How was work?" Not one for beating around the bush, Janet hissed in low tones, "Finn, what is she doing here?" Harry exhaled with annoyance, "Oh don't start, mum", He went to walk into the bathroom, when Janet blocked his path, "Don't y' fucking talk to me like that, now tell me why she is downstairs and on my couch after I told you to not bring her round here anymore", Finn glowered at Janet, God did he hate her sometimes, "She has a name mum, and she needed a place to stay", Janet scoffed, "So, she couldn't go and stay in someone else's?" Finn huffed, "No, otherwise she wouldn't be here now would she?" Janet scowled, "Don't speak to me like that, Finn. Now, listen to me and you listen to me good; after dinner I want her out and gone and never back in this house again, do you understand?" In which Finn slumped his shoulders, trying to show how much he couldn't give a shit; suddenly becoming fifteen years old again. Janet then continued, "I said, do y' understand?" Finn then snapped, "Fuck's sake yes! God, y' so annoying!" He then stormed off into the bathroom, slamming the door shut after him.
Janet then gritted her teeth together as she forced a smile and made her way down the stairs, popping her head into the living room as she asked;
"Is pasta bake ok?"
Finn couldn't help but wonder on the awkward home with Chloe as to where it all began to get so complicated, he couldn't help but think back to when they had started sneaking around. He couldn't help but envy his past self of how easy he used to have it, he liked Chloe and she liked him, they confessed, got close, had sex, got together and everything suddenly fitted. So, where in that timeline had the arguments snuck their way in? Where had his feelings for Rae grew so strong and his relationship with Chloe grow so sour? If he could've picked any time to go back to, it would've be that summer - Summer of '96. The summer where Rae was with Al, Chloe and he were sort've together, his mum was alive, his dad was out the picture, his brother was living with him, there were no exams or such to stress about and everybody was happy.
Finn couldn't help but scoff a smile at the memories they had made that summer, which instantly faltered when he and Chloe entered the flat, walked into the kitchen and Chloe turned to - fire in her eyes. Well, stomping his feet and cheesy pasta bake most certainly wasn't going to get him out of this one...