Chloe gave him a look, a look that flashed a memory within his mind - the night he drove Chloe home after dinner that night, the one with his mum...
After an awkward but delicious dinner, Finn then offered to drive Chloe home; using the offer as an escape from his overbearing mother. Don't get Finn wrong, he loved her but she could be unbearable and irritating sometimes.
Throughout the car ride, Finn apologised over and over - which Chloe brushed away. The car then came to a slow stop as they pulled up outside Chloe's, she paused before turning to him, "Does y' mum hate me?" Chloe asked, her tone slightly harsh, which Finn didn't know how to respond. He grew silent and didn't reply, he didn't know how to. She then picked at her cuticles before looking back up at him, she had a look of vulnerability; suddenly resembling the girl Finn first met all those years ago, "Listen tell her that I am sorry, if I've upset her or owt", Finn gave her a small smile, "Ay, don't be silly. She doesn't hate y', my mum can just be a little funny sometimes. I think it was cause she was tired, tha's all".
Chloe then left it, she leaned over and kissed his cheek before mumbling a 'See y' later' And climbing out the car, shutting the door after her. Finn watched her cross the bonnet, walk into her garden, up the stairs and into her house - all safe and sound. Finn decided that going home wasn't an option as he wasn't in the mood for a grilling from his mum and that he was in need of alcohol.
Lots of it.
He could still remember the way her lips felt against his cheek, the way the contact disturbed the butterflies within his tummy. He snapped out of his dazed stare when Chloe scoffed and pushed past him, through to the living room - in which he followed her lead. Chloe took place on the couch, sliding off her shoes with frustration and exhaustion. Finn walked over to his liqour cabinet, pulling out a scotch glass and a half-finished bottle of whiskey. Without saying a word, he poured himself a glass, picked up the bottle and glass and then made his way over to the couch - placing the glass and bottle upon the coffee table and taking a seat beside Chloe.
Finn downed his drink, cringing as the amber liquid slid down his throat and burned his chest. He then placed the glass back down and poured himself another before picking it up and examining the drink as it swished around in the shiny glass - unsure of what to say. Finn let out an exhale before placing the glass back down and scratching the back of his neck; in fear that if he talked then his words would come out backwards and jumbled.
"D'y' love me?" Chloe asked, the vulnerable tone shown upon her delicate but worn out features and laced within her voice. Finn then sharply looked at her, frowing, "Wha'? Course I do", He then went to place his hand on her knee when she scoffed, pushing his hand away, "Don't, Finn, don't... Don't pull tha' bullshit. I'm tired, Finn, really fuckin' tired of this. It's like we're just goin' in constant circles and I-" "Is this all cause of last night? Seriously?" She glowered as she huffed, "No, this isn't just about last night. Am talkin' about the past few weeks, no scrap that; the past few months. I mean, wha's goin' on, Finn? Is it me? 'Ave I done summat?" He shook his head, wincing at her words, "No, Chlo. It's not y'... It's me, I dunno I just...", He let out an exhale before he continued, "It's like I try so 'ard, I really fuckin' do but every time I try with one thing, summat else goes wrong. It's like I can't win, no matter 'ow 'ard I try, I just can't win", He then picked up his glass and downed the drink, but it wasn't his words that upset Chloe but the way he spoke them - his tone and demeanour enough to cause her heart to sink. She knew in her heart of hearts that Finn was just as done as she was, but both cared to much to say the words "It's over" - both terrified to call it quits and have a sudden change in their routine. Both so used to the fighting and such, that they couldn't see their lives any other way.
There was a pause before Chloe then continued, "Wha' are we even doin', Finn? I mean... Is it even worth it anymore?" Finn looked at her, to see her staring ahead; almost as if she weren't supposed to speak - as if her thoughts were in a big speech bubble above her head. He then chewed the inside of his cheek before sighing, "I just don't know, Chlo", Her next question then threw Finn as she asked, "D'y' even care anymore?" Her question both a shock and a stab to the chest, of course he fucking cared - why else would've he have put up with her for so long? The shock of her even questioning his care and love for her, enough to keep Finn quiet...
Chloe then spoke, her tone still soft, "Look am gonna go for a bath and go t' bed, we can talk about this in the mornin'", She rose to her feet and went to leave when Finn asked, "'Ow many lads know tha' y' toes go numb when y' 'ave an orgasm?" She frowned and turned, asking, "Y' wha'?" He didn't make eye contact, focused on his scotch glass as he messed with it, "'Ow many lads know tha' y' toes go numb after an orgasm?" His tone more slow and clear, in which she shrugged, "Just y', why?" "Right, and 'ow many know y' 'ave a birthmark on y' lower back or 'ow many know y' like to eat burgers in circles or 'ow many know y' can't sleep with socks on or 'ow y' 'ate the feelin' of velvet?" Her silence was enough for him to continue, his tone began to grow more annoyed with each word, "Exactly, so don't ever fuckin' sit there and say I don't care, Chloe", Finn then rose to his feet, the glass still in his hand, "And I am sick of y' constantly sayin' I don't love y' or care when y' 'ave no fuckin' clue, y' just don't", He then launched his glass across the room, the sounds of it shattering echoed and bounced off the walls as it came into contact with the wall and floor - causing Chloe to jump slightly. Finn then stalked over to Chloe, grabbing her face and kissing her before then shaking her slightly as he bellowed in her face, "Why are y' never 'appy, Chloe? Like, when am I ever gonna be enough for y'!?" In which she tried to argue back with, "Y' are, Finn!" Her voice breaking, in which he shook his head and interrupted, resting his forehead on her's and his voice cracked, "Please, Chloe. Stop it, stop playin' wi' me. I can't fuckin' do it, am tired of this. Am tired of us fightin', tired of feelin' like this. Cut the bollocks, Chloe and just be 'appy, for fuck's sake", She then whimpered, "I try and I jus-" He cut her off with a headshake, "Y' don't, not anymore", She then folded her arms and scowled, "So, wha' d'y' wanna do?" In which he lifted his head away from her's and rested his forearms on her shoulders, "I don't wanna split up, I love y' way too much and I wanna make a go of it", In which she sighed before she stuttered, "Bu-but wha' if it don't work?" "Then we'll make it work".
He bored his eyes into her's, as she did with him. The pair unable to speak, too scared in case they spoke and it kicked off another argument. They wanted to start over, in fear of losing one another and being replaced too much to bare. They knew they were coming to an end, they felt it - felt it deep down. But they were hanging on, by a thread - clutching that tiny piece of string that held them together; it worn and ready to snap. One thing that was currently bouncing on that string, was Finn's guilt - as if the guilt was a finger and plucking the string; making it weaker and weaker.
Al woke the following morning more relaxed, refreshed and happier than he'd been in a while. He blinked slowly a few times, letting his brain catch up as the room came into view. He rubbed his eyes and let out an inward sigh, he looked at Rae beside him and scoffed a small and amused laugh - her light snores made his mornings that little bit funnier. She may have been cute but her sleep face was hilarious. He stretched as he reached up to his bedside table and grabbed his watch, squinting to the face of the clock to see it had just gone past 10:03. He then chucked his watch back and turned, molding his head back into his pillow and closing his eyes; a relaxed and heavy sigh left his nose as he became one with comfort once more.
He liked days like this, where he and Rae could laze in bed, wake up whenever and do whatever they pleased. He liked the normality of it. Although Rae wasn't exactly all there in the well department, she hadn't been all too good recently - which is why Al had arranged for a day with her and Archie. Al loved Archie like a brother, never had a problem with Archie and Archie never had a problem with him as they both made Rae happy; and that's all the other wanted. He knew Archie was coming round for three, so, he and Rae had a good few more hours of sleep in bed before Archie popped round for dinner and a film.
But once Al was awake, then he was awake - he'd always been like that. He knew it wouldn't be too long before Rae would be awake, so, he decided to creep out of bed and head straight for the kitchen - breakfast suddenly on his mind. He yawned and stretched as he made his way through the flat and into the kitchen, where he then attacked the cupboards - searching for pans and such. He set everything up, when the buzzer went. He frowned, unsure of who it could be.
He walked through and over to the intercom, pressing the 'talk' Button, "Yooo?" He breathed, in which the other person spoke, "It's me! Can I come up?" Turns out, it was Izzy. Al then pressed the talk button once more, "Yeh, sure. I'll buzz y' up now", In which, he did so. He then took the latch off the front door and made his way back into the kitchen, getting breakfast and the kettle on the go.
It wasn't too long before Izzy entered the flat, but what surprised Al was the person trailing behind Izzy; a person Al thought he wouldn't see for a good few years - Izzy's sister Tash. His eyebrows raised, before he beamed, "Fuck off, where the pissin' 'ell 'ave y' been?" He moved over, embracing Tash in a massive bear hug - causing her to giggle. As they pulled away and he walked back over to the frying pan, he nodded towards the table, "Sit down, chill out, guys. Make y'selves comfortable, am just doin' a fry up. Want one?" In which Izzy took no hesitation to 'yes' But Tasha simply asked for a cup of tea.
Two sausages, half a can of beans, two eggs, two pieces of white bread plus butter, no tomato as she disliked tomato, and one tea with full-fat milk and two sugars all came to exactly 458 calories. 458 calories she would have to burn off, throw up and not eat tomorrow.
As much as she would've liked to enjoy this time with her sister and long-term best friend, the disorder didn't stop. Tasha may have had the day off work, but her disorder didn't take the day off. But she let it throw it's tantrum and throw every insult at her, because she was that used to it by now.
It may have been there and it had been there for two years now, but you get used to something if it's there long enough.
Now, let's move on from Rae and Al for a little while and enter the world of another character. Let's start with Tasha.
Natasha Paige Jones, born and raised in Stamford, despite wanting to travel the world - Tasha had lived in Stamford her whole life. Went to nursery, primary, high school and was currently working as a nurse in Stamford general. Tash wasn't shy but nor was she was out-going, she was the perfect balance; shy when you first met her but bubbly once she got used to you. From birth until eleven, you could never shut Tasha up. But with glasses and braces from aged 12 to aged 15, Tasha became a walking high school target and locked her loud and sunny personality away. Aged 22 and standing at 5ft11, Tash was a stunner. She had a good head of dirty blonde hair, tanned skin and striking hazel eyes. She was far past pretty and onto the level of point blank stunning, but with a humour and mind like hers you really didn't need looks. She was quick with the jokes and banter, and could solve any equation quicker than you could say your own name. Tasha was smart, meaning she could hide secrets well.
Very well.
When that make up came off along with her smile and she sat before her mirror at two in the morning, Tash was really a walking hollow shell of self-hatred and misery. As she steadily grew thinner, she hated herself more. No matter how thin she would get, her hatred and sadness wouldn't disappear. It were as if she were constantly aiming for a goal she'd never achieve.
All it took was one comment, one comment of 'Wow, aren't your arms chubby' and that was it. She then was swallowed whole by her own thoughts, it never stopped. Nobody knew a thing as she hid her skeleton frame underneath baggy clothes, and her shallow face was covered in make up. She knew all the tricks of the trade, such as using her toothbrush instead of her fingers to avoid the risk of teeth marks and blisters, foundation and blush to hide her cheekbones and grey, washed out skin tone, a glass of water before eating so it'd be easier to get it back up, always taking a toothbrush and toothpaste with her everywhere, ridiculous amounts of paracetamol to make her feel sick so she didn't have to eat.
And there was many more, and she knew them well. Too well. Her parents knew and so did Izzy, her mum and dad had gotten her help before but it evidentially didn't work. And she continued to grow thinner, weaker and more hateful.
Before the 90s, things such as Depression and eating disorders were never looked at in teenagers – it was always labelled down as hormones. But then when young and budding supermodels, such as Kate Moss, hit the runways and tabloids, depression and eating disorders appeared from nowhere. Well, not nowhere as they've always been there but it became more common.
Depression nowadays is so terribly common, it's not even taken seriously anymore. But what's more common is how some teenagers will claim they have depression for even the slightest bit of attention. It's the ones who don't even so much as breathe the word 'depression' are the ones who sit alone at 3 in the morning whilst sobbing their hearts out, the ones who can't feel anything, the ones who will sit there and do whatever they can to make you smile, the ones who are the most polite and well-mannered, they're ones you've got to be careful with.
Another thing that became a shockingly common thing worldwide was an eating disorder. An eating disorder... It's a powerful thing. Don't sit there and ever say you can know what someone who's had/has an eating disorder is going through, unless you've had one. It's completely different from thinking you're fat to what it actually is. It crawls under your skin and lives inside of you, it opens up a whole new hatred for yourself. It's terrifying. It makes you want to exercise until you can't stand and faint, it makes you think thoughts about yourself you never thought you had.
It stays with you for life, so don't sit there and claim you have an eating disorder or say you know what it's like until you've been on a treadmill for three hours straight without eating for five days. You have no idea what it's like and Tasha was sick of girls claiming they have one to look cool or to get a bit of attention. Eating disorders aren't fun, you lose hair, your nails become brittle, you can even lose teeth. It's evil, an eating disorder is evil. It consumes your every thought. When you're not eating, you're thinking about it. When you're not thinking about it, you're exercising until you cry.
Now, although Tash had told her parents she'd been travelling the past year - she had really been living in a little house in Stamford. She was too ashamed to admit she couldn't hack the travelling and decided to hide out in her own little cave; it amazed her how Izzy hadn't bumped into her sooner. Her parents knew that Tash worked in the hospital as that's where she worked before she claimed she wanted to give it up and see the world, but her illness took over once more and she soon returned home - tail between her legs. But she was back and just in time as Izzy was expecting, Rae was ill and Archie Nelson existed.
Rae woke around eleven and didn't take long to catch up with the gossip. It got to around half past two when Archie popped round and Tasha instantly felt the butterflies when he walked in the room.
Gushington central or what.