This is the censured version of Chapter 18. Enjoy!
"Garrus beat you good", James commented after having stocked their little bonfire and fed it some pieces of dry wood they had found within the underground ruin. He had made Kaidan sit down on one of the large slabs of stone that had once been a part of a wall, and was examining the cuts and bruises that marred the Major's face as best he could in the flickering light. The injuries weren't serious but the gash on the forehead was still bleeding. "If it's any consolation, Scars is going to be in an even worse state then you are when Shepard is done with him. She looked ready to kill the both of you. If you ask me, you got away easy. I bet she is going down on him hard as we speak. "
"Thanks for that mental image..." Kaidan muttered.
James realised what his choice of words could imply and had the decadency to look guilty. "Uh... I mean...You know..."
"It's all right", Kaidan said, letting him off the hook. He winced as the young Lieutenant gently probed the wound on his forehead.
"You should use a dose of medi-gel on that."
"No need. It's just a scratch. Head injuries always bleed a lot making them seem more serious then they are", he mumbled absent-mindedly. His thoughts were on Garrus and Shepard. Jealousy battling with heartache. He forced his mind off the subject and continued, "Besides, we don't have that much medi-gel left. We need to save it for the serious injuries."
"Don't be a fool", James scolded him. "You know as well as I do how easily even minor injuries can become infected. With the heat and humidity you're lucky if you don't catch some nasty flesh-eating bug as it is. At least let me clean you up and dress the cuts that's still bleeding."
Kaidan gave the man a sharp glare. "You're not going to back down on this, are you, Vega?"
"No, sir. No I'm not."
Kaidan sighed. "All right then. The first-aid kit is in my pack. Front pocket." He watched numbly as James retrieved the medical supplies. He knew the young marine was right. Every injury, even the smallest ones, needed to be treated. If anyone of them came down with an infection or got some jungle-fever it could be catastrophic. But he just couldn't bring himself to care. His mind kept returning to Garrus and their confrontation. He felt as if there was something he was missing, some vital clue to why the turian had been spoiling for a fight. And Shepard... God only knew what she made of it all.
Kaidan dipped his head, ashamed at how easy Garrus had managed to make him lose his self-control.
Having retrieved the medical supplies, James sat down next to Kaidan and started to line up the things he would need. He picked up a plastic bottle containing a disinfectant. Pouring some on a piece of gauze he started to wipe away the blood that had crusted around a shallow cut on Kaidan's cheek.
The man swore and cursed as the fluid stung and burned.
"Is that any language to use in front of a good Catholic boy?" James grinned as he concentrated on smoothing out the blood from the Major's hair.
"Ow!" Kaidan jerked backwards. "Dammit! Be careful!"
"Hold your breath."
"Why?"
James' only response was to up-end the bottle over Kaidan's head.
"Jesus Christ!" He leapt up from the slab of stone. "You could have warned me!"
"You'd never have sat still for it. Now, get undressed so I can take a look at the cuts on your back." James smiled angelically. "Sir."
"Fine", the man grumbled. The hint of self-pity in his voice made James grin. "I would tell you to be careful but I fear it's a lost cause. You're a horrible nurse, Vega."
"Aww..." He drawled, his grin widening. "You're lack of trust hurts my manly feelings.
Still glaring suspiciously, Kaidan unbuttoned his smock and shrugged out of it, grimacing when his soar muscles protested. The T-shirt followed suit and James was treated to a glimpse of well-developed chest muscles and a six-pack that almost rivalled his own before Kaidan turned his back to him, flopping down onto the stone slab. "You tell me if you use that damn acid on me again-" The sentence ended with another curse as James started cleaning the many scratch-marks that marred the skin.
Somehow the sting of the disinfectant took his mind off the pain of his broken heart. It cleared some of the chaos in his mind and for the first time he could see it all clearly.
From the very beginning Garrus and Shepard had shared a connection. It wasn't just because they both were excellent snipers, although that was no doubt a part of it. But they shared the same streak of ruthlessness combined with compassion that made them both excel as soldiers. Traits that made them walk a tight rope between keeping on the side of the good and becoming the very thing they hunted.
The difference between them was that when Garrus saw the world in black and white, Shepard was all about the nuances in between. When she pushed and twisted the rules as far as they would bend without really breaking them, Garrus simply ignored any rule that got in his way. But at the same time they kept each other in line. Garrus certainty acted as a counterpart to Shepard's eternal questioning of moral and of her own motives.
Together they formed a unit, two creatures sharing a single purpose, and one soul.
Like Garrus himself once jokingly had put it, there could be no Vakarian without Shepard. And vice versa.
James stirred him from his brooding by sitting back, admiring his handy work. "All done."
"Thanks", Kaidan said a little reluctantly. He stretched and rolled his shoulders, wincing again as the movement pulled on the cuts and bruises on his back and made his muscles ache. "Remind me not to go hand to hand with Garrus again. Next time I'll just shoot him. In the knee." But there was no true animosity in his voice. He knew why Garrus had done why he had done. And Kaidan couldn't help but to admired him for it.
James flashed a smile. As he moved around him, picking up the medical supplies Kaidan noticed that he moved with a slight limp. "How's your leg? Is the bite wound still giving you trouble?" he asked, glad to have something other than his broken heart to focus on.
"It's fine", James answered, shrugging. "It's been aching on and off but it's nothing I can't handle. I'm fit for duty, Major. No need to worry about me."
"Right." Kaidan said, giving the younger man a stern look."Take your pants off. And don't bother arguing." He hesitated, making Kaidan raise an eyebrow. "Scared of your own medicine, Lieutenant?"
"No sir." James' mouth twisted, but he unzipped the camo-pants and pulled them down to his knees. Kaidan pushed the thoughts of Garrus and Shepard to the back of his mind and leaned forward to examine the red, swollen mark on James' thigh. Blood and puss had seeped from it and dried into a nasty crust.
Kaidan gently skimmed his fingers over the ugly mark, frowning when he felt how hot the skin was. "It's become infected." He looked up at the younger man. "You should have said something."
James shrugged. "You've had your hands full with Shepard and... everything."
"James", Kaidan said, interrupting him. "I'm the field-medic. It's my job to treat your injuries no matter what else is going on." He sighed, meeting the marine's gaze. "You're right. I've been to preoccupied by my own personal problems. I'm sorry."
"I wasn't complaining, sir", James said as Kaidan started to clean the seeping wound with businesslike strokes. "I know how much Shepard means to you, and to Garrus. She's a hell of a soldier and an amazing woman."
Kaidan gave the young marine a glance. "Sounds like she means a lot to you too, James. Maybe you should have been the one going one on one with Garrus?"
"I admit, I enjoy flirting with Shepard", James said. "But it's nothing like that. She's like an older sister, a hot, adoptive, older sister. Sexy as hell but you just don't go there."
"All right", James mumbled, returning his attention to the nasty wound. "I get the picture."
James looked down on the older man. There was something off with him, something that had nothing to do with the fact that he'd been kicked around by Garrus. "Are you okay, Kaidan?"
"Yeah, I'm fine", came the short reply.
"With all due respect, you don't look fine", James pressed. "Is this about Shepard choosing between you and Garrus?"
Kaidan pulled back just enough so he could meet James' gaze. "I don't think she's aware of it but she made her choice three years ago. She belongs with Garrus. She's always belonged with him. We just didn't realise it."
"Are you okay with that?" James asked carefully.
The corners of Kaidan's mouth curled upwards in a small, sad smile. "No, not really." He finished cleaning the wound and dressed it before gathering the medical supplies, returning them to his pack. He was sorting through their meagre supply of equipment while James went over the weapons, making sure they were in perfect condition.
The dying flames of the bonfire flickered over them, bathing them in a golden light. Kaidan leaned back against one of the stones and stared into the flames of the fire. He felt strangely empty, numb, but at the same time grateful. If anyone could keep Shepard safe it was Garrus. And he would be there too, by her side, as a friend. And despite his broken heart it was a good feeling.