Kate spent most of her first week in Rick's loft becoming well acquainted with his building's gym, his television, and his stereo system; enhancing the strength in her body with one and catching up on two years of missed media with the others. Being cooped up inside while he was at the hospital nearly ten hours a day wasn't ideal and was slowly driving her insane, but when he finally did return, he always offered to take her out without hesitation, despite how exhausted he appeared, and she always accepted.

They weren't dates, they were just… outings, to help with the minor bouts of PTSD that still flared up from time to time. It wasn't so bad now, though; she was able to walk down the street with him without feeling the distinctive panic building in her chest or worrying that someone was watching her somewhere, targeting her. She didn't doubt the latter was true, but at least she could push it out of her mind for a little while each evening.

They usually ended up strolling through the park closest to his building, she would let him hold her hand and he would let her guide them to wherever she wanted to go once they reached the park's exit. The night before, they had ended up at her mother's grave. She hadn't told Rick where they were going, wasn't even sure at first if she wanted to go after asking her father for the name of the cemetery, but she'd impulsively led them there and Rick hadn't argued when she'd continued to walk them inside.

He gave her a few minutes to herself, allowed her to speak privately with her mother even though it still felt surreal to be at her mother's grave, to accept that she was buried beneath the dirt now, and when she lost track of time, sitting in the snow and staring at Johanna Beckett's headstone, Rick coaxed her up and out of the cemetery and took her down the street to a deli for dinner.

Today, she hoped, wouldn't be quite so glum. She had called Lanie after they had arrived back at the loft last night and her best friend had arranged a well-needed shopping trip. Rick was supportive, but had a hard time hiding his apprehension.

"Did you do your exercises this morning?"

Kate rolled her eyes as she shrugged her coat on.

"Yes, Doctor. I did them all before I took my shower and I also ate the breakfast you made for me, now if you don't mind." She nudged him with her elbow until he quit blocking the door.

Rick knew better than to try and smother her, and throughout her stay in his home, he had done a surprisingly good job of giving her space and not pushing. But today was her first day going out into the world without him and the anxiety was radiating from him in waves as he bounced around on the balls of his feet beside her while they waited for Lanie to make her way up.

Eduardo had phoned him a few minutes ago to let him know her best friend was in the lobby and she had listened to Rick affirm her access to the building, but he still jumped at the expected knock on his front door.

"Rick," she chuckled, reaching out to squeeze his arm. "I'm going to be fine and I know how to work my phone, I swear I'll call you if anything goes wrong. Now open the door."

He sighed, although her assurances did seem to ease the tense set to his shoulders just slightly, and tugged the door open.

They were met with a girlish squeal the moment Lanie laid eyes on Kate, a gigantic smile claiming her lips as she stepped inside to engulf her best friend in a firm hug.

"Girl, it is so good to see you out of that hospital bed."

"Believe me, I know," Kate laughed as she pulled back and held her friend at arm's length. "Lanie, I wanted to introduce you to Rick before we go."

Lanie gave her a sly look that Kate instantly shot her a glare for, but Rick only grinned and held his hand out.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Ms. Parish. I'm sorry I missed you every time you visited Kate in the hospital."

Lanie accepted Rick's hand with a wide smile. "The pleasure is all mine, Doctor Rodgers."

"Well." Kate cleared her throat. "We better get going."

"Oh, wait!" Rick exclaimed suddenly, jogging into the kitchen and disappearing into the pantry for a brief moment before trotting back with a granola bar in his hand. "Just in case," he said, dropping the snack into her purse.

"Don't worry, Doctor Rodgers, I'll take good care of her," Lanie told him soothingly, but still with that knowing smirk spread across her mouth and an excited gleam in her eyes.

Kate huffed and linked arms with Lanie. "I'll see you when you get home from work, Rick."

He nodded, leaning against the doorjamb and watching her a little too fondly as she walked down the hallway with Lanie.

"Have fun."

Lanie held it in until they reached the sidewalk, but once they were in the throngs of human traffic, she squeezed Kate's bicep.

"You never told me your doctor was a hunk."

Beckett shook her head, knowing all along that girl talk over Rick was inevitable, but she actually didn't mind. She had missed this.

Kate didn't know what to do with all of her stuff. He had given her his room so she could avoid the stairs, but was she allowed to hang her new clothes in his closet? Was it okay to put her makeup and hair products on his bathroom counter, her shampoos and soaps in his shower? She just didn't know. She was still living out of the suitcase of things her dad had picked up for her, but there was no more room in her luggage and she wasn't exactly keen on shoving even more of her possessions in there anyway.

Kate huffed and dropped the bags on his bed; she could figure it out later.

She felt as though she had traveled throughout the entirety of Manhattan today, allowing Lanie to lead her into whatever establishment she had thought Kate desperately needed to browse through. Which had been many.

They had gone to the hair salon first, spending over an hour getting Kate's hair cut and colored, and she was surprised by how much better she looked and felt with just the first change. She was pleased with the four inches that had been removed, the layers that had been added, and the lightening in color. It was a refreshing improvement from the limp and dull locks that had cascaded down past her chest before.

Afterwards, they had stocked up on makeup, revamped her wardrobe with essential pieces that Lanie had insisted she needed for the upcoming spring season, and even come across the cherry scented lotion Kate had missed so dearly. Overall, it had been a successful trip that had allowed her to bond with her best friend again, but as she sat down on the bed, the La Perla bag caught her eye and she sighed, jerked the shopping bag into her lap.

They had only gone into the lingerie shop to look for Lanie - since apparently while Beckett had been out, her friend and Esposito were now an item. They'd gone their separate ways to browse and Kate had found herself eyeing a lacey, black number that was on sale. She could still feel the conversation with Lanie that had followed weighing fresh and heavy on her mind.

"So have you slept with him yet?" Lanie asked as she came up behind her.

"Lanie," Kate hissed, eyes darting around the shop out of instinct, as if she expected him to be there.

"Well, you've spent an awful long time eyeing that chemise and I'm sure Rick would-"

"No, I - we - no. He's waiting for me," she murmured, looking down at the black lace in her hands and placing it back on the display rack with a sigh.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Lanie asked softly.

"Yeah, it is."

"Then why do you look miserable over it?"

"Because…" Kate blew out a breath, tucking a piece of stray behind her ear as she'd tried to correspond her thoughts into a working order. "Sometimes I wish we weren't. I've put us in this limbo between friends and more. And I want... I want us to be more."

"Then what's stopping you, honey?"

"I lost the last two years of my life, I feel like I need time to rediscover things on my own, to be me again before we go there. It doesn't feel right to get into a relationship so soon."

Lanie pondered that for a moment, humming to herself as she went over Kate's words in her head.

"Why can't you do both?"

"I'm not-"

"Hold on," Lanie held up a mollifying hand to quiet her. "I know you were never great with relationships in the past." Kate huffed, already dreading where Lanie's speech was going because she was really not in the mood for a recap of that department in her life. "But Rick seems different from your past boyfriends, he seems like he could last."

Kate felt her heart pick up speed at Lanie's words, her palms sweating with it.

He could last.

"I'm not saying I don't agree that you should spend some time getting your life back together," she continued. "But don't you think it'd be a shame to waste time you could be spending with him? Being happy and doing what we both know you want to do instead of forcing yourself to hold back?"

Kate bit her lip, sliding the flesh between her teeth and the soft material of the lingerie between her fingers. Could Lanie have a point? Was it a waste of time forcing both herself and Rick to wait. Did she even know what she was waiting for?

"What if the timing's wrong?" Kate mumbled back, revealing what was probably her biggest fear concerning her relationship with him.

"We think we have all the time in the world, but nobody does. I think you know that better than anyone, sweetie," Lanie told her softly with a gentle hand on her arm. "I just don't want you to miss out on something great."

Lanie gave her a small smile before turning towards the cash register and Kate grabbed the lingerie.

And now it was sitting in her lap, scaring the shit out of her.

She impulsively tucked the bag under his bed, needing some reprieve from the weight of the fine lace and sheer fabric and the motive behind its place in his loft.

Instead, she turned, slipped a simple notepad from a different, less intimidating bag and skimmed her thumb along the edge of the plain black cover of the compact little journal. It reminded her a lot of the detective's notebook she used to have on her at all times when she was still a cop. Unfortunately, she wouldn't be writing down details for murder investigations in this one.

She had been making phone calls to Campbell's office every other day after admitting to him what had happened on the street the day of her discharge from the hospital, and he had suggested she keep a journal. Kate had never been one to desire documentations of her thoughts and feelings, but Campbell had advocated that it might benefit her in this situation.

"Just for a few weeks, Kate. Think of it as a way to document your progress," he had told her on the phone yesterday evening and she had reluctantly mumbled her assent and grabbed the little book on the way out of the bookstore she had dragged Lanie into.

She thought it best to write out her first entry while Rick was still at the hospital, but she didn't see a pen anywhere in his room. She strode into his office, her eyes scanning the shelves and the desk, but still no pen nor pencil in sight. Some writer. She thought someone of his profession would have writing utensils lying all over the place.

Kate took a seat in his leather office chair, intending to just peek in his top drawer, a quick sweep for what she was looking for without invading his privacy, but a single picture frame on the desktop caught her eye and she felt her heart simultaneously soften and crack at the photograph of his daughter.

She reached for the frame, reverently traced her fingers over the adorable face of the happy baby in the picture. It must have been before she was sick because the little girl looked to be in perfect health, a toothless smile on her tiny mouth and the bright blue eyes that mirrored her father's beaming at the camera. Kate sighed and carefully put the frame back, turned her attention back to his top drawer and tugged it open, but her eyes widened at the first thing she saw.

Sitting neatly in the drawer was a manuscript. For Richard Castle's last book.

Her mouth fell open.

He was Richard fucking Castle.