"Rae... Rae, are you even listening?" Spoke a voice, breaking Rae out of her thoughts; in which she responded with a simple but stiff nod in reply - not breaking eye contact with a wall of the therapy room. Brian sighed with impaitence before asking, "Your mum has told me you're not sleeping again... Do you know why that could be?" He questioned, in which Rae slowly landed her gaze upon Brian and stared as if he were transparent but mustered up enough energy to shake her head - her reaction slow but enough.

Rae was exhausted, truth be told. So exhausted she could barely mutter a sentence. Brian took in Rae's distant stare and mentally came to terms with the fact he was barely going to get anything out of her this session - but he needed more. Brian needed to explore her mind. He needed to see why she was so tired. It had been five days since her last session with Brian, but two months since she read Finn's poem - a poem she had yet to discuss. If Rae was being honest, Finn's poem had been the last of her worries - always in the back of her mind but never a main priority. See, how Rae's brain worked is that she had boxes - mind boxes. Each box in numbers between 1 - 10... 1 her main focus and then 10 was something that could be dealt with later - Finn's poem currently in box number 8 aka important but slowly becoming less of an urgent situation.

Brian rubbed his chin as he did his usual stare, almost as if her problems and thoughts were written upon her forehead. He leaned back from his open and forward stance, in which he then asked, "How's Chloe?" Rae shrugged, "S'alright, don't see 'er much lately", Brian frowned, "Why's tha'?" She shrugged, "She's got Finn and y' don't really mates when y've got a boyfriend, d'y'", Her words helping her feel that familiar sense of de ja vu, from a session with Kester two years ago; when Chloe was secretly shagging their PE teacher - oh good ol' Mr. Carrisford. Brian pouted with a frown as he glanced sidewards before slowly landing his gaze back onto Rae, "That's not always the case as you've got Al and you still make time for everybody", Rae scoffed, "Yeh, well am not Chloe and I don't need a pair of balls t' function", Brian couldn't help but grin - despite Rae being completely drained; her humour was still in full, sarcastic form.

It then grew silent and Rae no longer felt like speaking, her tiredness completely turned her into a comatosed shell that walked - too numb to bother. She wasn't sad, depressed or anything dark; just tired. She never realised how much could change in two months, then again; even within one hour a lot could happen. This affair was taking over her life, completely. Now, she wasn't complaining but she wasn't exactly riddled with joy - constantly on the fence. To some, an almost three month affair may have not seemed long - but it was growing to enough for Rae. Admittedly, Rae just wanted it to be her and Finn - she wanted all of this sneaking around and lying to vanish.

Ronnie Kray once wrote 'I believe we are all just like actors on a stage. We are each given parts to play, and we have to play them to the best of our ability. We may not like the role we have been given, but we musn't grumble about it; it is not up to us to question the part that has been given us. Look around, you will find there are people with worse parts to play, and others with better parts. But we must see it through to the end, to the evening of life, until the sun goes down - and hope for a worthy ovation. We must consider other actors on the stage, our friends and the people we love. Even the people we hate. We must not take for granted the good things about ourselves that God has given us, and the beauty of the things around us for all of us to see. There is none so blind as those who will not see, and none so deaf as those who will not hear.' And it was also once of Finn's favourite ever quotes from any book that were ever written, and Rae could never understand why. No matter how many times she tried to understand it, she just couldn't grasp why Finn was so in love with "Such bollocks." As she thought Finn was so shallow - despite knowing he could be quite a sensitive lad - and quite a boring fella. But over this affair, she grew to know Finn more than all the years she had known him - she grew closer, saw parts she never noticed earlier. And as those five weeks were growing to six; the more each sentence made sense.

Brian studied Rae's vague and blank expression as she stared out of the large window on her right; her eyes slowly following a raindrop as it slithered down the shining and drenched glass. Rae couldn't understand why people always linked rain to sadness, maybe the media and all the film portrayalsof girls weeping into lacy hankerchiefs whilst moping on a window seat as the rain came down heavily added to that. But Rae never felt sad when she watched the rain or whenever it would beat against her or Finn's bedroom window of a night - in fact it helped her sleep. Another person that could never quite understand how people could hate it so much was Finn, he couldn't understand why people took such a dislike to the wet weather when they never really paid attention to it and as cringy as it sounded - it was what made Finn love it so much. Because it was very much a resemblance to Rae; it truly was a beautiful thing but hidden by a sad and miserable demeanour - that nobody took time to appreciate it.

Speaking of Finn, he was doing a slightly similiar thing to Rae - sitting on his window seat in his bedroom and watching the rain. Well, he wasn't completely watching the rain but he was being a poetry wanker and doing some song writing whilst messing about on his acoustic - a present for his fifteenth from his deceased mother. He was messing about with chords and words, but unable to focus on what he was actually writing - his brain unable to focus on the lyrics coming from his mouth and pouring onto paper.

A frustrated huff came from his lips. He went over the lyrics he had scribbled down and sat back as his fingers took place on the E chord; before he began to sing;

(AN: I know this isn't written by me and is in fact two Arctic Monkeys songs put together - even though I have slightly changed the lyrics to fit the situation - but for the sake of trying think that I am a lyrical genius; pretend Finn wrote this.)

I'm not the kind of fool who's gonna sit and sing to you, about stars, girl. But last night I looked up into the dark half of the blue, and they'd gone backwards.
Something in your magnetism must have pissed them off,
forcing them to get an early night and when you say that you need me tonight
I can't keep my feelings in disguise, the white parts of my eyeballs illuminate.
And I'll wait for you, as if I'm waiting for a stone to stop
I've heard you talking, about how you're gonna put me off...

He then scoffed and shook his head as he lifted his guitar from his lap and leaned it against the window seat, sitting it gently upon the floor. He swung his legs round and hunched slightly over as he rested his elbows upon his knees before putting his face within his hands and exhaling, he then rose to his feet and decided a cup of tea was needed, that and a rollie. His wandered through the flat and entered the living room, pausing in the doorway as he saw a figure upon his couch - which then clicked the memory of him giving a key to Rae three weeks back. A help to the sneaking around.

Although they'd been in this seedy fling for almost three months; they hadn't really saw much of each other and truth be told the last time they had actually saw each other and spent time together was just under a week ago - and they both had to admit their presence of one another was deeply missed. Even just being in the same room was a comfort to the other. Finn frowned and slightly tilted his head as he took in her posture, the way it was so slumped; her hands within her lap palm up and open. Her face was neutral but her eyes were busy. Finn felt his chest tighten, almost as if his feelings were moulded together in a playdoh ball and plastered within his chest - clogging it up and making it hard for him to breathe. Not that he could let her know that, as she would probably piss herself with laughter.

Without a word, he timidly moved over to her and stood before her; before extending a gentle hand in front of her with his palm open and gesturing for her to take it...

And she did so.

Rae had to admit; the sole purpose behind her going round Finn's was to call it off but every time Rae would go round to call it off, Finn would give her one look and Rae's original intentions would go right out the window. Neither of them could stop, they really couldn't - too far into it. Rae was completely hooked but her thoughts and urges swallowing her, eating her alive, drowning her and crushing every happy thought she had ever thought.

The pair laid in his dimly lit room as it grew to just past six in the evening and the sun was long set, their limbs tangled. She laid on her side as where he laid upon his back, one arm behind his head and the other resting across his stomach. The low drones of The Smiths lulled from Finn's record player and hummed softly throughout the room. Rae stared blankly ahead, her eyes vacant but focused upon the same spot on Finn's off-white walls. He was unsure of what to do, his arms invisibly sewn to the pillow and his stomach and felt as if they were too heavy for him to lift and wrap around her body. As the pair laid side by side and staring ahead; they laid in silence.

She was the first to break the silence as she croaked in an almost whisper, "Wha' are we even doin' Finn?" He then turned his head slowly to look at her, forcing his eyes to glue themselves to the back of her head. He asked himself that very same question almost every moment he got the chance, he didn't have the answer... No matter how many times his cocky demeanour blagged he knew what he was doing - he was secretly just as clueless as her and his ability to unable to find an answer kept him quiet.

Finn couldn't help but think back to two weeks back, when Rae almost called it off... again.

They sat in his bedroom. He sat on his ratted and worn out old ottoman that he inherited from his mother who left it in her will in which it was placed at the end of the bed, he wore just simple PJ bottoms and had a cigarette placed carelessly between his two long and slender fingers. He sat with his elbows on his knees, his head slightly downwards and his upper body slightly hunched. She sat on the window seat with nothing but a pair of PJ bottoms and his plaid shirt loosely buttoned up and hugging her frame, she watched his every move intently and carefully as if he were a complete stranger. They sat in silence, the only sound to be heard were his drags and exhales of his cigarette every now and again.

"Thought y' were going to quit", She sarcastically quipped, breaking the silence that hung heavily within the room. "I was, until y' came over", He retorted just as sarcastic with a little scoff before rubbing a small circle on his forehead with his thumb. There was another long silence. Neither of them knew what to say, then again they never did anymore. "We can't keep doing this, Finn", "I know, Rae", He said softly after a short pause, his tone cracking with emotion as he spoke her name; as if it were the last time he would be.

Now, usually when Rae would tell him that this was the last time they would sleep with each other; he'd scoff and shrug it off with a sarcastic comment as he knew she'd come back because she always came back. But now, he knew she meant it and the thought of him losing her more quicker than he expected was now setting in and the feeling made his chest grow tighter with every passing second.

She chewed her bottom lip in worry, not realizing how hard she had bitten because she could suddenly taste the familiar metallic taste. "I don't want to lose ya, Finn", She timidly said, her voice quivered as she tried not to cry. She hated crying, especially in front of Finn as she knew he'd see her as vulnerable and use it to take advantage… Well, so she thought. "And y' won't", He snapped back, still not looking at her. What she asked next completely threw him.

"How do y' know?"

The room grew silent, after a long pause he turned to her with a look she had never seen before in all her eighteen years of knowing him. It was a look of insecurity and vulnerability. Although the room was dim, she could make out the faint glisten of tears brimming his eyes. "I don't know, but what I do is tha' although ya my best friend's girlfriend, y' still my best friend. Mine, no fuckin' wha' and no one will change that. Not 'im, not Chloe and certainly not me or y'. Do y' understand that?" He tried to sound stern but his voice wavered before he roughly wiped two stray tears that travelled down his cheeks. She nodded, he then held out an arm and gestured her over. She took no hesitation into climbing onto the bed beside him, snuggling her head into the crook of his neck, and curled herself into him. He cradled her back with his left arm, carefully trying not to catch her with his cigarette. This, it felt so natural and so right. But, yet they knew it was wrong, even though neither wanted to admit it.

It was moments like this that made the sneaking around and the lying worth it, he made it worth it; as cheesy and toe curling as it sounded. After the long hours of the day that they would spend, pretending; coming back to his or her place at night made it all worth it. Rae let out a sigh, she slipped her arms softly around his torso. He took this as a cue to tighten his hold around her, like a child's safety blanket.

Suddenly, he then remembered why he was here with her in the first place. Once again the realization that he was possibly going to lose her was quickly setting in; something that he hoped wouldn't approach so fast. He tried to swallow the harsh lump in his throat, but it was no use. The walls were getting tighter by the second as his emotions swelled to boiling point; eyes welling uncontrollably. No matter what his mind told him, his heart was winning. It was Rae he loved, it always had been. Unable to fight his feelings any longer, he buried his face into her hair and mumbled "I promise this will be all over soon and then it'll be me and y', kid", His voice quivered slightly, he took a deep breath; trying to calm his wave of sadness.

She moved her head from his neck and looked up at him, before whispering "Can I keep ya then?" He slowly looked down at her, his bedside lamp was the only source of light; but it was enough for her to make out the soft smile on his lips and the gentle expression upon his face. He nodded, which caused her to break out into a face eating grin. "And to prove that I mean it, I want to show ya summat", He untucked his left arm from around her and held it out; revealing two tattoos around his wrist. Her brow knitted, why on earth was he showing her his tattoos; its not like she hadn't seen them before… "Finn, I've seen them before y'know", He smirked slightly "Look closer at the padlock", She sat up and closely peaked at the small padlock drawn on his arm, just above his wrist. She then grabbed it and pulled it to her face, gasping inwardly. No… That can't be real… He had gotten the keyhole in the shape of an "R".

"Finn I… Y'… I don't know whether to laugh or cry". He laughed a little "Not the reaction I was hoping for, but at least y' didn't slap me or tell I'm stupid", She scoffed, shocked. "No I… I don't even know how to react, fucking hell". She spoke, slightly dazed. She couldn't believe it, he actually had got a tattoo for her. He actually belonged to her…. Finally. But the thing that shocked Finn the most, was how short they'd been together but yet how easily he'd given her his heart.

The memory still burned in his brain and kept him awake at night. He hadn't realised he was staring back at the ceiling, until Rae sat upright; causing Finn to turn his head to her. He watched as she swung her legs from the bed and began to put on her Converse, once she was finished he turned his gaze back to the ceiling and croaked, "So tha's it?" He then squeezed his eyes shut and inwardly winced as she softly said after a long pause, "Tha's it", Another moment passed before Rae then spoke, her voice in an almost whisper; as if it pained her to speak, "Am sorry," She then scurried out, tail between her legs.

Finn squeezed his hand, loosened it before then squeezing it again as he felt the tears brim his eyes, the anger and hurt making his hands twitch; giving him the urge to lash out. He began huffing, refusing to cry as he chewed the inside of his cheek; his chest and heart tightening as Rae's last words echoed in his head and her perfume faintly wafting around the room. When the sound of the front door opening and closing was to be heard, Finn sat up right. He swung his legs off the bed and began to pace, unable to place himself and keep still.

The anger began building before all he could see was red and he slammed his fist into his wardrobe door before he turned, sliding down the wardrobe and hitting the floor with a thud. He bent his knees to his chest and rested his arms upon them before he began to sob, pulling at his hair and huffing; trying his best to not completely let it all out through crying. He hated crying, ever since Finn was a child he had never cried but instead hit himself, pinched himself, pulled his hair until his scalp ached and destroyed everything in sight. He hated crying, couldn't bare it. He didn't mind when other people cried but not himself, it came from when he was younger and his dad used to smack him whenever he cried, scolding him and telling him to man up.

Rae's words and his own twisted thoughts lowly replayed in his mind, like a broken record of torment. Before they began to get louder and he smacked at his head, a way of trying to shake them out of his mind. He sniffed before pulling harder at his hair and smacking his head sideways as he screamed at nothing through a choked sob and gritted teeth, "Shut up!" The voices and thoughts grew louder and louder, he threw his head back and whacked it against the wardrobe door; a sickening thud echoed off the bedroom walls. He was now sobbing, whimpering and screaming as he pulling at his own hair, punched himself and wriggled as he couldn't sit still. He rocked slightly as he cried, "She doesn't love me", Over and over; he pulled at his T-shirt as his skin felt itchy and on fire.

He then linked his hands to the back of his head as he bowed his head downwards, another sob left his lips as he choked out, "I need 'er, she can't do this! She can't... She can't do this", The last few words more softly spoken then the others. He then unlinked his hands and rested his arms onto his knees before he looked to his right and out the window, shaking his head as more thick tears spilled from his eyes and streamed down his cheeks. The sounds of his sobs bouncing off the walls to be the only sound, leaving Finn, The Smiths and his thoughts alone. Through his blurred vision, Finn looked over at the record player as the lyrics made his chest tight;

I know it's over and it never really began, but in my heart it was so real...