Disclaimer: Just ask yourself if Akira Toriyama could ever write something this hard-hitting and brilliant. That's all the answer you'll ever… fine, I don't own Dragonball Z.

"Vegeta?!"

Bulma walked into her and her new mate's bedroom to find him dressing up in his old saiyan armor- you know, the outfit he was wearing when Frieza beat the living crap out of him. "What, woman?"

"Where are you going? Did you sense the androids?!"

"No, worse," he said after slipping on his last glove. "Kakarot's reached some kind of pinnacle, and I have to find out how in the hell he did it!"

"Wait, I don't-"

Vegeta had no more time to listen to Bulma's whining, unless it was for more of the dick. He blasted through the ceiling like Superman in search of the other full-blood Saiyan, leaving behind a very pissed off Bulma.

()()()

"Ugh… it's not going away…" Goku whined, clutching his tummy. The best thing he could think of to do was to fly in the upper atmosphere, where the damage of his ass-tinged air blasts would be minimal. But it was a lonely life, adding green clouds to the bed of white clouds. He knew it wouldn't be long before he went mad.

"Who…?" Goku saw far in the distance someone floating. It didn't take him long to realize it was Vegeta. He sighed. Now was not the time.

"Kakarot," Vegeta said. "What are you doing so high in this planet's atmosphere?"

"Uh… nothing much. Guess I just wanted to be alone?"

"Bullshit, Kakarot!" Vegeta growled. "I've never seen someone worse at lying in my life, so don't even try it again! You've discovered something even greater than the power of a Super Saiyan, and I demand to know your secret!"

"Vegeta… please," Goku said through clenched teeth, feeling another attack coming on.

"You are trying my patience, low-class dog!" Vegeta floated over until he was mere centimeters from Goku's face. "One more time, what is your secret? If you don't tell me, you'll be forced to show me in battle."

"That's enough, Vegeta!" Goku snapped. "It's not a good idea for anyone to be around me right now, so if you-"

Goku's plea was interrupted by a fist sinking into his stomach, courtesy of Vegeta. Unfortunately for both of them, Vegeta accidentally fisted a big ol' gas pocket that promptly shot out from Goku's war-worn ass. Vegeta stared at Goku with a mix of disgust and horror, having sensed the enormous spike in power that the other saiyan undertook at that moment, as well as having sensed a reek most horrific. Far, far below them, a small village was nearly wiped off the face of the earth as a result of the terrible shockwave, but neither of the two noticed.

"…See, Vegeta?"

"You filth, Kakarot!" screamed Vegeta. "How dare you do that, especially in my presence?! Where's your shame, or your honor, or any sort of self-control?!"

"It's the burritos, Vegeta!" Goku exclaimed, grabbing Vegeta by the shoulders. "Never, ever eat the burritos!" And with that, Goku left a very confused Vegeta behind.

()()()

"Oh, so you're back!" Bulma seethed when she saw Vegeta at her doorstep. "And I suppose you have some tools to fix the ceiling with?!"

"Shut up!"

"Oh that is just- I am so sick of your attitude, Vegeta!"

Vegeta rolled his eyes, walking past Bulma effortlessly to enter the Capsule Corp. "Hey, I didn't force you to fall in love with me, a man who has annihilated entire planets without losing a wink of sleep! If I'm being too rude for you, just keep in mind who I am!"

Bulma's face was turning red with anger. "I don't care how many goddamn planets you've blown up, if you're going to live under my roof, you're not going to EXPLODE said roof!"

"…Woman."

"Yes, Man?"

"What is a burrito?"

Bulma was so taken aback by Vegeta's question, she forgot all about the hive of Japanese hornets that would inevitably materialize in her room unless she got the roof fixed. "It's food."

"I gathered that, but what kind of food?"

"A tortilla with cheese, meat, or vegetables."

"Okay, I know what the last three things are, but a 'turlitta?'"

"No, tortilla. It's a round breading of sorts, made from flour."

Vegeta sat down, chin in his hand like the Thinker. "And where can I get about 20 or 30 of these burritos?"

"Well, there is a 7/11 down the block, but their burritos are-"

"Too small?"

"No, unfit for human consumption."

Vegeta smirked as he stood. "I'm no human. I am a saiyan. Now out of my way."

()()()

"What is it, Kami?"

Mr. Popo approached cautiously. Kami had been rather uptight the last two hours and he didn't want to make any sudden movements to stress the god-namek any further. "Is it the androids, Kami? Have they come early?"

"No. I'm afraid what we're dealing with now is coming from one of our planet's greatest warriors. It seems as if Goku has tapped into a power not even he can control. I fear that, if it doesn't get restrained soon, he will either explode or destroy a chunk of the planet."

"Oh dear, what happened to him?"

"It seems as if Goku consumed something that didn't agree with him, and it combined with his own massive power to create horrible shockwaves when expelled out the back of him."

Mr. Popo stood there with Kami in complete silence for about twelve minutes until, at last, he spoke. "Heh. Farties."

()()()

Goku, throwing caution partially to the wind, so it can sit there and soak in his terrible ass-expulsions, dropped down in front of a supermarket, complete with a pharmacy, where he once bought some weird foam thingies with strings in them for Chi-Chi. That was a strange day. But, he figured, if there were tampons for womens' baby bits, then surely there existed some for men's pootieholes.

So Goku walked to the women's pussy care aisle, and before I get some pissed off review, that's exactly what it's called down here in Texas, so go yell at Rick Perry instead of me. Tired of this shit. Uh, anyway, one of the store clerks walked over to ask Goku if he needed any help.

"Need any help?" asked the store clerk upon walking over. See, I told you she did that. Listen next time.

"Do you have butt tampons?"

The clerk stared at Goku like he was made out of centipedes before wordlessly turning around and walking the fuck away. Then Goku farted

TBC