She found him lying in bed hugging the covers tightly to his lips as he tried to muffle his broken hearted sobs, the soft cotton soaked from his tears. So this is how heartbreak looked. Chloe leaned sidewards against the door frame as she watched him, watch as his shoulders shook with his each sob and she knew, knew deep down it was all down to Rae - then again when was his sadness never to do with Rae. She then inwardly sighed, unfolding her arms as she made her way over to the record player, lifting the needle from the record and sliding it sidewards - the only noise to be then heard were Finn's soft sobs. Chloe then slowly moved her way over to the empty side of the bed, lifting up the covers and sliding in; turning on her side and facing his back. She slid one hand under the pillow before her other draped over Finn, collecting both of his hands into her own. She then lifted her head and kissed his shoulder before lowering her head back onto the pillow, nestling her head into the soft and cool texture; trying to ignore the faint smell of Rae's perfume and apple shampoo.
Although Finn was grateful for Chloe's comfort, she still wasn't Rae. Who was Finn kidding, he didn't love Chloe and he was stupid to have thought so. All that wanting kids with her and loving her was a cover, a cover for how he truly felt. Now, obviously he did feel something for Chloe but it didn't effect him like it did with Rae. But the reason he didn't drop everything with Chloe and be with Rae is because of how quick Rae could've changed her mind, just like earlier, as where Chloe was there for definite - he liked the stability. Finn liked knowing what was going on, what was happening - he didn't like losing grip of reality or the reins of the situation. Finn wanted everything with Rae; kids, a nice house with a royal blue door and a white porch with pastel coloured flower beds on the front lawn, the late drunken nights sloppily and slowly dancing to old records in the living room because they could and because they were happy. He wanted the home and feeling of acceptance he craved since he was a kid.
But in reality, his comfort came with raven hair and didn't want him back. Finn had tried and he had cared but that wasn't enough.
Speaking of Rae, she was in a complete daze and somehow her feet had a mind of their own and found their way to outside Chop's. She gave the door three knocks before waiting, dragging her bottom lip between her teeth as each second passed - before the door then swung open to reveal Archie. What the hell was he doing there? He gave a confused smile as he breathed, "Rae?" She then hiccuped a sob before she whimpered, "Is Iz-" She then cleared her throat, "Is Izzy in?" But her voice still wavered. Archie then nodded, "Yeh she's-" He cut himself off as he studied her saddned and glazed over eyes before he asked, "Rae, wha's 'appened?" Which caused something to kick at Rae's chest, her eyes flickered as she could feel the tears begin to fill up on her eyes. She looked to her left, trying to not show Archie her sudden sadness. She exhaled before looking towards the ground and shook her head, then looked up and tried to muster a smile, "I just really need to see Izzy", Her voice came out in an almost whisper. He then moved forward, placing a hand on each of her arm and boring his eyes into her's, "Rae?"
And with that, she crumbled. In which he said nothing but pulled her into his embrace, whispering words of comfort into her hair.
With Finn's permission, Chloe left for a party that night. She entered her friend Louise's – a girl who was always known for her ridiculous parties – And loved it the minute she walked in. Men, alcohol, good music and friends. Nothing better. She must've been there for no longer than half an hour and she was soon smashed, high and happy.
She let the music and alcohol pulse through her veins, giving her that release and endorphins she needed, wanted and craved. Sweat glistened her forehead as she danced in the sea of people, bodies meshed, smiles were shared and music corrupted their minds – along with weed, alcohol and other drugs. Chloe just stuck to weed, acid and drink, not really caring for other drugs. As the beats of the house and rave music controlled her, she couldn't help but feel eyes on her. Unsure of who the stared belonged to, she simply brushed it away and continue to feel the the hypnotic trance of the music.
She wore Finn's old and worn oversized Rolling Stones tee that came to mid-thigh with just a pair of black boots and it soon became like a second skin and stuck to her due to sweat, she suddenly paused as the familiar beats of Insomnia by Faithless suddenly overcame the other bouncy beat - she couldn't help but suddenly feel a shortage of breath. She never liked this song anymore, not since the night of the rave - when she realised her feelings for Finn after seeing him and Rae linking; the moment Chloe realised how much Rae and Finn suited and how she couldn't have Rae having one over her. As the bass pounded in her ears and the trance-like state everybody danced in, she couldn't help but feel trapped; as if in an invisible cage - suddenly making her aware of how close everybody was. Flashes of when she kissed Finn that night and how he pushed her away, screaming 'Wha' are y' doin'?!" In her face suddenly flickered in front of her - like the blinding strobe lights that flickered around the room like shattered glass.
She needed air and took this as a cue to excuse herself and make a swift exit for the back garden. As soon as she step foot outside, the hairs on the back of her neck rose due to the rapid drop in temperature.
Chloe then, clumsily, sat down against the brick of the house and upon the damp concrete floor. The familiar beats of the well known tune, drugs, drink and her recent waves of sadness - Chloe couldn't help but become wrapped up in the memory of the rave.
"Finn!?" She called out as she saw a blur of white and flashing colours whizz past her. She wove in-n-out of the crowd as she followed the back of Finn's head, she then grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him back; spinning him round to face her - feeling her stomach knot as she took in his face. Tears brimmed his eyes and a frown knitted his brown together in anger as his face contorted. She took a turn to frown as she shouted over the music, "Finn!? Wha's wrong!? Y' alright?!" He then leaned in and shouted in her ear, "Yeh! Just need some air!" He went to walk off, once more, when she took his wrist and spun him back round once more. He glanced a frown from his wrist back to her face, but she shrugged his hostility away as she leaned in and shouted in his ear, "Can I talk t' y' a sec?!" In which he shouted back, "Can it wait till later it's just I-" In which she butted in, "I promise it'll only be a minute!" He then pulled slightly back to take in her face, his eyes searching her's before his expression softened and she it took as a cue to continue. She dragged her bottom lip between her teeth as she sighed, trying to find the words. He then shrugged and asked, "Wha'?" His words coming out soundless as the boom of the bass covered all other noise that wasn't shouted. She then shouted, "Fuck it!" And grabbed his face, pulling him in and landing a kiss upon his lips. She tried to slip her tongue in, when he pulled away and shoved her slightly before roaring in her face, "Wha' the fuck are y' doin'?! Are y' thick or summat!?" But before she could respond, he shook his head and stalked off; disappearing into the ever expanding crowd.
"Was wonderin' when y' were gonna get 'ere", Quipped Al, pulling Chloe back to reality. Chloe drunkenly giggled as Al stumbled and then sat beside her with a thud, "Maaaaate! I'm so fucked", Al slurred and lolled his head forward, sloppily smacking his palm against his face. In which Chloe giggled and slurred "Y' so drunk", Al lifted his head, scrunched his nose and laughed, "So are youuuu!" Chloe scoffed, "I, yes me, is sober".
"Y' spoken t' Rae?" Al slurred, in which Chloe paused as she tried not to let her sadness appear in her tone; forcing a nod and a smile, "Yeh, I called 'er earlier and we only spoke for five minutes and yeh", Her voice grew quieter with each word, before she became mute. Al being Al was oblvious to Chloe's sudden jealousy and more focused on how the oversized t-shirt barely covered her thighs. A moment or two passed before Chloe asked, her voice timid and slurred, "'Ave... 'Ave y' told Rae yet?" He frowned and looked at her, exhaling some smoke as he questioned, "Told 'er wha'?" Chloe rolled her eyes, "Don't play dim", He then gave her a look, showing he wasn't playing. She then scoffed, breaking eye contact as she looked ahead, "Typical", He then clicked on and rolled his eyes, "Chlo, if y' talkin' about me tellin' Rae about us then no. I 'aven't", "An' why not?" She snapped. He rubbed his eye with his thumb, trying not to burn his nose with his spliff whilst squeezing his eyes shut - he could feel a headache coming on. He then sighed as he looked ahead, "It's complicated, alright?" She glared, "'Ow?! I love y', y' love me and c'mon we both know she loves Fi-" He sharply looked at her, fire in his eyes, "No, she doesn't. She loves me and tha's why it's complicated", He and Chloe glowered at each other for a moment before she folded her arms and broke the eye contact as she looked away, softly scoffing, "Wha'ever".
He kept his stare on her a moment longer before turning his gaze onto the back garden before them both. A long silence washed over them both before Al flicked the remainders of his spliff away and exhaling, "Look, Chlo, I know 'ow 'ard it is as it's been months and I know we should be together but right now it's just...", His voice faded as he failed to find the words. She then awaited for him to continue his sentence and once the realisation that he wasn't going to; Chloe grew angry. Her following sentence came out, like word vomit, "Y' tell Rae otherwise I will", She then rose to her feet - suddenly sober - and went to go back inside, when he caught her wrist harshly and pulled her back. A crocodile smile upon his lips and a menancing glint in his eyes, "I don't think y' wanna tell Rae, babes. Look, I love y' very much and I just wouldn't want y' t' make a fool of y'self. Just leave it t' me yeh?" "But I-" "I said leave it t' me, Chloe", He pressed. Not wanting to cause an argument, she gave him a tight lip smile and a head nod; tucking a strand of hair behind her ear - trying to ignore the fact her wrist was under such a harsh grip. She went to walk back inside, when he pulled her back; once more, "Ah, kiss first", She then exhaled before bending down and pecking his lips lightly. He smirked nastily at her, "Love you", In which all she could do was mumble a 'love you' Back and scurry back inside; feeling disheartened once more.
As soon as Rae followed Archie into Chop's and into the living room, the eyes of Izzy, Johnny, Brogan, Tasha and Chop landed on her. Izzy took one look at the state Rae was in and knew the proceedure - run Rae a hot shower and get some spare PJs Rae kept there in the spare room. Rae spent a good half an hour in the shower, the water scolding but cleansing. She let the warmth wash over her, it were as if it were washing away all her dirt and old skin.
Once she felt and actually was clean, she shut the shower off, dried herself, put on the PJs and left for the kitchen, downstairs - where everyone was just polishing off supper. Just a freshly done mug of tea at her regular place at the table, a request. Izzy sat next to Rae's chair, finishing the remainders of her supper. But what Rae noticed was that Johnny sat opposite Archie, usually he'd be glued to his side. But then she noticed that Brogan was in Archie's regular place and put two and two together before then taking her seat at the table. Tasha sat at the head of the table, mug of milky coffee in one hand and flicking the pages of Vogue with the other. Chop sat at the other end of the table, head burried as he wolfed down his supper - one rule all the gang knew was not to talk to Chop whilst he was eating. As Rae absentmindenly took in where everyone sat, she couldn't help but wish Chloe and Finn were in the seats of Brogan and Tasha - no disrespect to the two girls but it just looked odd.
And there was that dreaded feeling that pulled at Rae's chest whenever she thought of Finn.
Izzy then smiled at Rae, "I made y' a new cuppa as the other went cold", Rae tiredly smiled, she was so tired it was even effort to smile, "Thanks, Iz", Izzy then smiled an ok and turned back to her conversation with Archie and Tasha. Rae stared at her hot drink before her, stirring it with the teaspoon that originally laid neatly beside the mug.
As she stirred the hot tea round and round, she earwigged into Johnny's conversation with Brogan. Even in low tones, you could hear the attraction and care he had for her in his voice. Now, Rae had never had a problem with Brogan and in fact; did like her. She made Johnny happy, and he made Brogan happy. That is, when they were both sober. They were both bad dicks when they were drunk, especially to each other. Couldn't live with each other, couldn't live without each other – couldn't win.
Rae then avertered her hearing onto Archie's and Tasha's conversation which consisted of talks about the new series of Friends. Tasha saying how shit the show had gone, and Archie arguing with how Tasha just didn't get the jokes. Rae smiled inwardly at how defensive Archie could get. She swug some of her tea and relaxed – soaking in the atmosphere.
Despite that not all of the gang were here, some of her closest still were. People that cared about her were here with her. Conversation flowed and buzzed, along with happiness. Rae drank in the fact this could be her last time of doing this for quite a while, but if that was so then she was more than happy.
Rae then watched as Johnny had draped an arm over the back of Brogan's chair and his hand sneakily played with her hair that spilled over her shoulder, their little touches always went unnoticed by the rest of the gang - but Rae always caught them. Johnny thought he had everybody fooled with "Brogan The Beard" As she and Archie called poor Brogan, but those two weren't stupid - especially Rae who would watch the hairs on Johnny's arm raise whenever Archie sat closely next to the confused lad. Yes, Johnny was still very much confused - even down the line of a two month relationship. Oh! And yes, you read right; Johnny and Brogan were together - very much so. Evidentally, Johnny did fancy Brogan and did very much care for her but Archie was the elephant in the room. Although it had been two months since Johnny and Brogan had gotten together and Archie came to terms that he needed to find another; the boys couldn't help but share sly touches and secret glances - those speaking and meaning more than a seedy affair ever could. Rae couldn't help but envy the two, envy the innoncence of their touches and glances - that being her and Finn not so long ago.
Although everyone had work/college the following morning, the gang stayed the night. Johnny and Brogan took the couch, Chop and Izzy in their room - Izzy officially moved in a month beforehand - Tasha stayed in her little room Chop and Izzy had set up and Archie and Rae took the other spare room with the double bed that the two and Finn used to always share.
But Archie and Rae didn't sleep, they couldn't. Rae's brain too wired over Finn, and Archie's brain too wired over the small fact that just a thin layer of carpet and floorboard kept Johnny and Brogan away. Through the darkness, Archie whispered "Rae?" "Mmm?" She sleepily mumbled, her body was sleepy but her mind wasn't. "Y' awake?" He whispered back in which she whispered "Yeh", they both then took this as a cue to turn on their backs and lay closely next to each other and stared at the dimly lit ceiling above. Then, silence.
Rae then spoke lowly, the guest room was far from the other rooms so there was no point in whispering, "What are y' thinking about?" Archie replied in the same low tones, a lie seeping through his words, "Nowt... Y'?" She sighed, "Same", "Rae... Why were y' cryin' before?" She froze. What was the right answer? The real answer or a lie? This was her best friend and yet she was about to lie to him. Friendship or no friendship, her secret was too much a dark story to tell. So, she replied with "Just felt a bit shit, tha's all. Why?" He shook his head "No reason, just don't like seeing y' upset tha's all", "Fair enough".
The room fell silent. Rae fully well knew Archie knew. She didn't know how, but she knew. She could feel it, which is why she breathed "Y'know, don't y'?" There was a pause. A dreaded pause.
He then nodded, "Yeh", and Rae grew silent. He knew, despite him being her best friend, he still didn't know the real her. The one that laid in bed by herself of a night, the person she became at two in the morning, the weaker version of herself... The one who was shagging her best friend's boyfriend. Now, he knew and she was terrified at the thought of him looking at her in a different light.
But what surprised Rae next is that he turned his head to look at her and she did the same with him, the outline of his features faintly apparent against the darkness; his golden brown irises still bright underneath the moonlight that poured through the blinds. He then spoke, "But y' still my best friend and I still love y' and well it'll be alright in the end... I promise", She smiled in which he opened his arms, she took it and slid into his arms; her head snuggled into his chest as his arms wrapped around her in a comforting embrace. He kissed the top of her head.
After a few moments of cuddling Rae then asked, "'Ave y' sorted it out with Johnny?" In which Archie shook his head, Rae then frowned, "Why?" "It's complicated", She then cocked an eyebrow, "'Ow? Y' love 'im, he loves y' and it's tha' simple", He scoffed, she had no idea, "It's not though Rae I ju-" He cut himself off, sighing before continuing, "Y' don't understand", She looked up at him, utter confusion upon her face, "Understand wha'? Bein' in love?" "Out", He corrected her, in which Rae, once again, frowned before asking, "Out? Wha' the fuck y' on about, 'out'?" Archie then stayed silent for a moment as he swallowed the oncoming tears before continuing, "Out of love, Rae, as the person I love doesn't love me back. Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet. Act 1 Scene 1 ".
And with that, it was his turn to crumble.
Archie didn't sleep, unlike Rae who was in a deep sleep within ten minutes after their heart to heart, so he decided college would be a definite miss - despite exams coming up. Archie sat with his legs outstretched whilst he lounged on the couch as he did messing around on his acoustic guitar, morning television playing lowly as background noise and the other members - all bar Finn - sat round the living room as they practiced some new acoustic material and tossed ideas about. Despite the hum of the boys' voices and the low drone of the tv, Archie couldn't help but notice how quiet his house had become since his nan died just over three weeks ago - the pain and grief still fresh to Archie whenever he would smell palma violet sweets or whenever he would hear What A Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong. His nan had died in her sleep and he was the one who found her, he went to wake her for her morning cup of tea when he got no response. But what Archie found strange was that he didn't freak or scream, he simply walked slowly backwards and sat on her old and ratted chair that sat in the corner of her room - where she used to think - and let it sink in. Of course it hurt but it wasn't completely unexpected.
"... Don't be such a faggot", Chop boomed, bringing Archie back to the room. He frowned at Chop's innocent but insenstive choice of wording - obviously not realising there was a homosexual in his presence. Well, two techinically as Johnny was taking Finn's place for the day as Finn cancelled - as usual.
Archie furiously put down his guitar and shot to his feet, in which Al and Chop frowned at Archie's weird behaviour but Johnny stayed neutral. Chop then piped up, "S'up, Archers?" Archie coughed awkwardly before using the excuse of needing a cup of tea and didn't anyone want one - in which nobody did. Archie swiftly left the living room and headed for the kitchen and flicked on the kettle. He stared out the long, landscape window that overlooked Stamford; deaf to the footsteps that were heard behind him. He only suddenly regained his hearing when Johnny snapped, "Wha' the fuck are y' doin'?" In which Archie sharply turned and frowned, "Wha'?" Johnny, brow furrowed in anger, spat as he continued, "Wha' are y' actually playin' at?" The pair spoke in low tones, making sure the other two on the otherside of the wall didn't overhear. Archie rolled his eyes before moving over to the three small, cream and round tubs that were on one of the kitchen units and labelled: COFFEE.
TEA.
SUGAR.
Archie got a mug out from the cupboard above, placed it upon the worktop, took out a teabag and dropped into the mug.
Archie froze as Johnny spoke after a moment of silence, "I 'eard y' asked Tash out", Archie then shrugged it off, taking a teaspoon out the cutlery drawer, "I may 'ave, wha's it t' y'?" He scooped out a spoonful of sugar before dropping it into the mug, along with the spoon. Johnny then tutted, "Don't be a dick, Arch, y'know s'xactly wha' it is t' me. Look, I dunno wha' y' doin', playin' Tash like tha' bu-" Archie then turned, facing Johnny as he snapped, "Wha', like y' are with Brogan?" Johnny was lost for words, unable to speak. His brain then formed a sentence as he responded with, "Now tha's different, if y' remember Archie; am not fully gay. As where y' are, y' just 'aven't told anybody yet", "And it's gonna stay tha' way", Archie retaliated. Archie then folded his arms as he continued, "I just don't understand why y' doin' this to both Brogan and I, it's ju-" Johnny then butted in, "Doin' wha', Archie? Dating someone I actually care about?" That cut Archie, left him speechless. He then croaked, "So, y' sayin' y' don't care about me?" Johnny then shook his head, quickly glancing over his shoulder to make sure the door was shut behind him, "No, I never meant it like tha'. I just meant tha' wha' y' doin' t' Tash is wrong, she's a lovely girl and doesn't deserved to be fucked about, man. Be a dick t' me all y' want but don't take it out on Ta-" "Oh, wha' like y' were t' me?" Johnny then glowered, defeat playing upon his demeanour, "Am not gonna win this one am I?" Archie then shook his head, "Nope".
A moment or two passed before Johnny scoffed, "Wha'ever", And went to leave when Archie spat, his tone venom-like, "Just know Johnny, she'll never be me", In which Johnny then stormed out, Archie mouthed "Fuck", Before he followed Johnny, shouting after him as he watched Johnny leaving the house completely, "Yeh, go on! Fuck off and run away, like always y' spineless little prick!" Archie's harsh words were met by a slam of the front door. Archie then exhaled, reminding himself to breathe and to calm down. He entered the living room to see a bewildered Chop and Al staring back at him, a silence over came them - the only noise to be heard was a mid-morning news report. That is, until Chop piped up, "Is this cause I didn't want tha' cup o' tea?" Which earned a smack across the head from Al.