As the days passed on Naruto become comfortable with living in Konoha, his phone had rang off and on for the three days he had began his new life. He was determined to ignore Neji but some how he always wound up listening to the voice mails or answering a called and quickly hanging up before he spoke a word. The voice mails consisted of either a drunk Neji ranting that he would never find anyone better than him or to the other extreme of him trying to mask his crying saying that he missed him and he can come home when he is ready. What broke Naruto's heart the most was the short text message, I love you, I miss the sunshine you brought into my life.
He still hadn't texted Neji back, he knew if he made contact with him his resolve could waver. The pain in his chest hadn't lessoned any but it had only been three days. Gaara lived in a two bedroom apartment so the blonde was lucky to have his own room and not have to bunk on the couch. Gaara lived alone Naruto did not need to ask why, he knew the short red head for many years and knew he had a difficult time getting along with people, he could not imagine him living with anyone. Naruto lay staring at the ceiling he had a blank stare of his gorgeous features, he missed Neji terribly. When you lose someone from your life your brain tends to focus on all the good times you had and not why you left that person in the first place.
The blonde was at a loss of what to do with himself, he had to quit his job and university would have to managed, it was a lot to travel back to his previous home town. Plus he was a little happy if he could get accepted into Konoha University with Gaara at the very least he would know someone on campus. A knock was heard, the blonde sighed and shifted into a less depressive look, he did not want to worry his friend about his mental state at the moment but some how the other knew it was declining slowly. The swung slowly open, the hinges slightly creaking as the other leaned casually against his doorway, his teal eyes boring into the blank blue gems.
"Are you hungry?" His eyebrow lifted and the silent question was understood, some times Naruto was grateful the red head was a man of few words, so the awkward conversations could be avoided to an extent. He knew he had to eat something, he had only managed to eat half of his dinner on his second day here. The red head would tie him to the chair and force feed him if he had to.
Gaara had been apart of Naruto's life when he went through the worst of it, he flew of the rails after a few life events. The blonde was not mentally or emotionally adapt to handle these types of situations so he had expressed his pain in different ways or coping mechanisms were used when his mind became too much for him.
"Yeah, I'll eat something" Gaara gave a short nod and walked away leaving the door open and the blonde to stare out into the lounge room. The apartment was a decent size considering the location and the price. Thinking of the apartment Naruto needed a job to support himself and start paying his share. He hated relying on other people for financial support. He didn't have to be rich just able to pay his dues and get by. He had yet to discuss with Gaara what would be happening if this was a long term option or a short term option. He would discuss with the other hopefully over dinner, he knew it hadn't been long but Naruto surprisingly enough liked to organised and to know the answers to his questions, plus he did not want to inconvenience his friend if he didn't want him here long term.
The blonde sighed, slowly moving his aching body to stand, his eyes shifted around the room to the corner that held his messy pile of bags, he hadn't bothered to put anything away or organise any belongings until he had discussed with the red head. His phone vibrated against the bed side table, he looked over and groaned. It was Neji, again. He let it ring out until the annoying vibrating shut off. He delicately picked up his phone, almost as if the device could burn him. He unlocked the screen and his breath caught, 20 missed calls and 12 new text messages all within the space of 4 hours since he had looked at his phone last. His chest began to throb and burn when the weight of his decision began to crash down on him. His emotions were so irrational at the moment, it would go from one extreme to the other, the prime emotions were undiluted anger to a heart wrenching sadness.
He wanted these extremes to calm down but he didn't know how to stop them, when a big life crisis or change happened to him, he usually ended up in hospital for some reason or another. He hoped that this would not be another one of those times.
Two days had passed and the blond had finally organised his things, his clothes all put away according to draws, his shoes lay neatly at the bottom of the wardrobe. A small smile crossed his lips, it was beginning to feel like home and he liked that feeling. His moods hadn't changed since the past two days, it seemed like the cloud hanging over his head was only getting darker. At the bottom of one of his bags he found the medication he had been on previously to help with the voices and psychotic episodes he had. The blonde had placed them inside his top draw of his bed side table, at the moment he thought maybe he should start taking them again just to help so he wouldn't do anything crazy.
He opened the draw and stared at the pink pills, he hated taking medication it always made him feel his craziness was real. He ran a tanned hand through his bright hair sighing as he made his decision. He grabbed the packet and popped a pill, swallowing it without any water. The effect would not be instant as it was a slow working medication. He slowly got off the bed to shower and get ready for the day but all he really wanted to do was curl up in bed and hide away from the world.
As the blonde walked out into the lounge room after his shower, jeans hung low on his hips and only a towel was hung around his shoulders, his hair still slightly damp. He froze when he saw that Gaara was not alone, a blush crept up his neck and heated his face. The guy that had driven his car home that night was lounging on the arm chair with one leg crossed over the other, his head hanging in his hands, a very lazy look. Dark coal eyes flicked over to the new entrance into the room, his eyes quickly looked over the blonde and looked away. The blue eyes had missed the look over from being so engrossed in his own thoughts. Naruto could not remember his name for the life of him and he was slowly getting worked up from being shirtless in front of a new person, he was not very confident in his body.
'he thinks your body is disgusting, he is probably laughing inside his head and how fat and ugly you are'
The blonde visibly winced, it hurt what the voice had said, it hit all his sensitive spots with deadly accuracy. The raven saw the wince and his brows knitted together ever so slightly. Before anything more could happen the blonde bolted into his room and slammed the door shut, locking it with a expert click. The voice had begun in a slow, lazy drawl but now it was becoming more intense to a yell.
'YOU ARE PATHETIC, you know you want to do it, just do it it will make you feel so much better. Do it, do it, do it'
Naruto was so angry, at the voice, at himself and the fact he had been seen half naked by someone he didn't really know. He walked slowly to his bathroom, his eyes becoming duller and the world seemed to be playing out like a movie. His concious felt like it was being pulled back inside of himself so he didn't have control of his body but it still moved on it own accord. He reached the bathroom and he saw his tanned hand reach out and close the door, locking it as well. His blue eyes looked towards the mirror and he could see his expression, it was a dark smile that he knew was not his own. It terrified him when an episode was happening, when they first occurred it had been like blacking out, he would lose spaces of time but now he witnessed every horrible thing he would do.
The shaver sitting on the counter looked so innocent but Naruto knew better, he tried to regain control but it felt like he was stuck in quick sand and the more he struggled the more the other took over. He saw himself reach for the shaver picking it up and running his thumb over the sharp edges, the skin tore and blood seeped out of the small wound. The blue eyes looked up, the tears had spilled over the edges.
"What's the matter? This is what you deserve" A horrible laugh ripped through his throat. It was always a shock to his lips move with words that weren't his own. His hands snapped the covering of the shaver slowly peeling a razor blade out. Such a tiny, flimsy piece of metal that could inflict so much damage. His arms had the worst damage inflicted, he hated that when he cut it was mostly his arms it was difficult to hide them compared to legs or stomach. His fingers tightened around the small metal, he fought mentally to gain control, he didn't want this any more. He wanted to have scar free skin he was just a little lucky he was tanned so it was harder to see compared to pale skin.
His hand trembled with the waging war in his mind, the tears fell is rapid streams, he wished he was normal that he was alone in his head. The razor blade moved closer to his arm and before he could gain his control back, he watched as it tore into his skin, barely a second later a thick stream of blood coursed down his arm, in that second he had known he lost the battle for control. His demon had one again, the blonde felt pathetic as all he could do was watch on as his skin tore and his blood spilt. 5 deep cuts later, he felt the grip lesson and his feeling of his limbs come back to him, it started with his hand that held the object of destruction he dropped as if it had burned him, it made a small noise as it hit the sink.
His other arm he gained feeling and almost screamed at the pain the coursed through his arm, in those moments he never felt the pain until after. He knew it was bad because it was so painful but at the same time it was beginning to become numb. The blood hadn't stopped and continued to flow freely, it hadn't even begun to clot. The blonde went into a panic, the cut were deep and the blood wouldn't stop, his eyes became fuzzy, the edges dulling as his head spun. His good arm gripped the sink to help lower himself onto the toilet. There was blood every where, all over the sink, some had managed to spray onto the mirror, down his arm and clothes and chest, a big pool of it mockingly spreading on the floor.
His gripped his head as he burst into a hysteria, his crying was loud and unrestrained. The noises he made were so full of hurt and hopelessness, he felt like he was pathetic, he almost wished the demon had just killed him and put him out of his pain but no the demon would never do that for him it was too easy plus he liked to toy with him. He heard a faint banging but his sobs completely took over him, the more he cried the more he felt his world sway and slowly fall away from him. The was a large crashing noise as the blonde fell face first into the tiles from passing out.
The bedroom door crashed open, Gaara had kicked it down, he knew that look on the blondes face, the panic and pure fear. He ran the short distance to the bathroom door and turned the knob finding it looked he turned it viciously hoping it would just open but it didn't, there was only one option, he raised his foot and kicked as hard as possible and the door flung open. He looked at the scene the lay before his teals eyes he almost gagged at the amount of blood, it was just not natural to loss that much unless from a major injury. He saw the blonde laying there unmoving, he rushed towards him kneeling in the blood that quickly soaked into his pants but he paid no mind to that.
He shook the blonde and rolling him onto his back, he saw the others eye lids closed and he was covered in blood, he raised the arm and looked at the bloody appendage, he could see the deep cuts and he was instantly angry. He knew what his friend was going through he had been there through the worst of his episodes and illness.
"Sasuke, ring an ambulance" He called to the other in the house as he grabbed the hand towel and pressed it firmly onto the bleeding cuts. The hand towel was soaked in a few minutes, this was not good the bleeding would not stop and it was coming out incredibly fast. He faintly heard someone behind him and then the voice of the other.
"Can we please get an ambulance... he is unconscious and the bleeding heavily" The voice sounded calm even given the situation, even Gaara was rattled at seeing this. He didn't hear the rest of the conversation only what Sasuke had said directly to him.
"The ambulance will be here in a few minutes" Gaara didn't even acknowledge what the raven had said but the other knew he had heard him. Sasuke was unsure of what to do in this situation, he saw so much blood and he flinched at the sight of the blonde, he was bloody and lifeless, laying in a massive pool of his own blood.
Within a few minutes they heard loud knocking on the front door.
"It's the Konoha emergency services" Sasuke had rushed to the door as soon as he heard the knock, as the emergency worked finished speaking the door was yanked open and Sasuke had started talking.
"He is through here, the blood hasn't stopped" He walked quickly to the bathroom and was followed by two people with a stretcher, he reached the scene and began their work immediately. Within a few minutes they had lifted the blonde onto the stretcher and were applying pressure to the wounds. They would assess it at the hospital.
The blonde felt his concious slowly returning to him, his eyes cracked open and instantly a headache was throbbing in his skull, the light burned his eyes. He felt pain radiate from his arm, it burned as well. He felt something attached to his other arm. His ears picked up the sounds of constant beeping. He groaned and opened his eyes again but this time let them adjust to the light. His blue gems shifted over the boring white room, to the machines and finally to his aching arm.
He saw the bandages wrapped from his wrist to his upper arm. His eyes instantly watered as he registered what had happened. His mood instantly dropped, his shoulders slumped and his body tried to compress as small as possible. He heard a throat clear and looked over shocked that someone else was in the room. He his focused on shockingly red hair and angry teal eyes, his gaze instantly dropped to the floor and the tears spilled over. They were silent tears, he hated himself, he truly hated himself.
"Naruto, look at me" Naruto just sat there unmoving letting the tears free fall without wiping them. Gaara sighed as he reached a hand over and placed it on the blondes thigh. He felt the muscle stiffened underneath his touch and the small flinch. He let a deep breath in and out before trying again.
"Naruto please, we need to talk or they are going to have you locked up in a psych ward for at least a week for observation" The blonde hated those places he had been in them a few times before, the last time he had been placed in one he had been released on a day release to visit his 'family' and he had taken off without a trace, only to return a few days later and told them if they put him back in he would never come back. Gaara had told them that he would keep watch and look after the blonde. They were not convinced but after an hour of discussing and the blonde flipping out saying he would not do some pleasant things to the staff, he hadn't meant them but he had just snapped, he didn't want to be there he hated it, it made him more crazy then he already was.
"Please no" The fear in the others voice shook Gaara to the core, he knew it wasn't an option or Naruto might really kill himself or disappear without a trace, he didn't want either, Naruto had finally left that fuck head of an ex boyfriend, he had his whole life ahead of him and as selfish as it sounded the red head had just gotten his best friend back after that bastard had banned them from seeing each other.
"I know, so talk to me" The blonde shifted uncomfortably, Gaara would understand what he was saying when he used code words or didn't really explain details.
"It got too much, he got too much" Gaara nodded exactly who he was.
"I think for know, you need your medication and to see someone.. just for now" At the mention of having to see a professional the blonde winced, he hated everything like that, it all made it real for him. If he didn't take medication or see anyone he could pretend it didn't happen, he knew it was stupid but he hated being looked at like he was crazy or he was pathetic. So far his life in Konoha was not the greatest he had already fucked up and now he didn't know how to fix his life.
"Why am I like this" it was barely said above a whisper but the red head had heard it, he truly hated the fact that the blonde had his illness caused by a situation he couldn't control. That particular issue they never spoke about but Gaara could see how it affect his daily life, his relationships and his outlook on life and reality. Gaara could not fully understand why the blonde thought like he did, he was a very good looking guy, he had beautiful caramel skin, even though it was littered with scars they faded into his skin to disappear only to be seen when looking for them, he was a lithe build, not full of muscle but the look suited him well, he was short that made him cute, his blue eyes captured you with the raw emotion on display and the stunning colour of them, he had seen blue eyes before but never this type of intensity of a blue, vibrant blonde hair the glittered in the sun and three whisker marks on each of his cheeks, it made him look like a gorgeous fox, as strange as that sounded.
Gaara could say nothing to what the blonde had asked, he wasn't sure the blonde really wanted an answer at all, he just gave his leg a light squeeze reassuring him that he was here. They sat in silence for a long time before a soft knock came from the doorway, both their heads whipped around to the entrance almost in shock that someone else was here, the blonde instantly crumpled in on himself it was the guy from the apartment, he still hadn't learnt his name.
"I just wanted to check you were okay" The blonde jolted at his voice, he came to check if he was okay even though he had only seen him twice and didn't know a thing about him. The blonde looked at him confused then he instantly regretted looking at him, he wasn't sure what he could see in the others eyes but to him it didn't look good so he chose to stay silent and look away.
"It's fine if you don't want to talk to me" The blonde just laid there still he couldn't find any strength to speak to the raven man, Naruto would have been amused in the situation wasn't like this. Sasuke had seemed to have read his mind.
"I'm Sasuke, in case you forgot" The blonde pouted at the fact that he had caught him out, he was terrible with names he couldn't help it. He raised he head slowly and poked his tongue out, he didn't know why he did but it happened, his nervous slowly ebbed away and the paranoia was kept under lock and key this time.
"Dobe" The blonde looked at him weird, then the translation must have clicked and his teeth grit painfully hard as he glared at the other, he could feel the terrible anger licking its way towards the surface. He quickly studying the others face it had a smirk on his lips but his eyes were glittering, they were not narrowed just amused. The blondes anger was still there but it eventually began it dissipate back to its chest. The one word the blonde knew in Japanese was...
"Teme" The raven snorted and just stood there leaning against the door frame in a light stance that didn't feel threatening to the blonde, the red head just looked on finding it amusing the blonde relax around some one new and not only that some one who had seen him so vulnerable but he kept his thoughts wisely to himself. It was good that Naruto was interacting with other people, Sasuke was a good guy, he cared and was compassionate, even though he hid it under insults and arguments, if he didn't care he would completely ignore you, it was strange the raven did seem to care enough to make his way down here just to check Naruto was okay, this whole day was exhausting.