A busty woman, with curves all in the right place and two blonde low pigtails tapped on the door, the teenager lying in the hospital bed looked over and sighed he knew from the clothes she was a psychiatrist come to assess his mental health to see if he could go home or had to be admitted to a ward. He cringed at the thought of having to be placed in one again, he hated them more than anything in this world, they were boring and completely miserable. They made you have group therapy, have group activities that were absolutely stupid and then you had to have individual counselling sessions. He knew they had a purpose but he hated them, he felt worse when he was holed up inside one.
The bust woman took a seat in a plastic chair next to the bed, she flicked one of her pony tails behind her shoulders and cleared her throat. She clicked her pen writing something quickly in both corners, Naruto assumed it was his name and today's date.
"Hello Naruto, My name is Tsunade, how are you today" Her tone was light, it wasn't condescending just filled with a tone that some how managed to soothe the blonde, usually when a person would be talking to him about these things he would fly off the handle from just even their tone of voice. Some psychiatrists were condescending and rude, they spoke to their patient like they had the intelligence of a two year old.
"Hi" he intelligently mumbled. He didn't want to talk about why he had done this all he wanted to say was to let him go home, he was fine. At least until the next episode struck, maybe he should think about asking for his medication again, taking them couldn't do any more damage and then if it seems like he is trying to help himself she might let him go home.
"I have spoken to your room-mate... who was it... Gaara, he has expressed his concern for you and the option of sending you to a ward, he was vehemently against the idea, saying that you would do worse than better. Now I am concerned for your safety given the wounds on your arm. You had to have 57 stitches" It was more said as a fact rather than anything, the blonde winced at the number of stitches he had really done a number on himself this time.
"I don't... I can't go to a ward" he managed to say through a tight throat, being constricted by the sobs trying to escape, he swallowed them back down hurting his already sore throat. His fingers clenched into a fist, gripping the blanket to stop the shaking from racking his body. The tremors still came, coursing through his entire being.
"It might be the only option" At that the blonde whipped his head up he didn't care that the tears were falling, his blue eyes were wide with fear as he stared straight into the honey brown eyes of the older woman. His hands shook unbelievably and his trembling increased so the bed made noises of protest at being moved so quickly. He couldn't believe it, he had to get out of here now, he had to run, to leave anything but being admitted into a ward again. The tears fell thick and heavy he felt so tired, the events past seemed to catch up to him. His hand moved from the bed sheets to his soft hair and gripped hard, his knees automatically drew up into his chest as he his body rocked against his will. His sobs were no longer silent any more.
The older lady looked at the teenager with a mix of empathy and understanding, she knew not all people benefited from being placed in a ward but at the same time it was procedure and considering the boy didn't have any parents and only lived with a friend she was unsure if she could risk sending him home if another incident happens. First she must find out why and exactly what plagues the blonde to want to commit suicide and have such horrible gashes up his arms. She placed a soft hand hand on his shaking shoulder trying to show comfort without crossing a professional line.
"Naruto, it's okay, I want to assess you first nothing is set in stone. Talk to me and we may be able to work something out but if you don't want to talk to me I will have no choice..." the sentence was left hanging in case it set the boy off even more, the shoulder beneath her touch was still shaking and the sobs were still loud. She heard a deep breath while as deep as his heaving chest allowed through the tears and then a heavy sigh escape the same mouth.
His head started rise and she saw the bright blue eyes shining with the tears still cascading down his whiskered cheek, they seemed to be silent tears for now. He slowly nodded his head refusing to look at her or even in her general direction. He had been through enough of these processes to know that if he just sat there and didn't engage in conversation then he would without a doubt be sent to a ward. The older woman saw the younger blonde start to calm down so she removed her hand and sat slowly onto the uncomfortable plastic chair beside his bed, she noted that he didn't once look over her way.
"Now Naruto I am going to tell you my name again and we can start this over again, is that okay" His head barely nodded as she watched the tears fall and soak into the thin hospital blanket. She breathed a small sigh of relieve and made herself comfortable, well as comfortable as possible in these horrible chairs. She brought her notepad and clicked her pen in, she saw the other flinch at the sound out of the corner of her eye.
"My name is Tsunade and I am the hospitals psychiatrist, we are just going to start with the simple questions so your name is Naruto Uzumaki and your currently 20 years of age?" the other nodded his throat still course from crying. His continued to stare at the thin blanket covering his frame, Tsunade's honey trained eyes watched for every detail, every muscle movement to help her diagnose this young man.
"Have you lived in Konoha long?" The blonde nodded, then shook his head, he had lived in Konoha for a long time before moving away with his psycho ex boyfriend, now he had just moved back to his home town. "So you have but you haven't" a nod from the blonde, "Can you explain what you mean by this Naruto?" The blondes eyes looked up and straight ahead not daring to flick over to the the trained professional assessing him, his eyes always gave away so much about him, so he had learnt early on to never look them in the eye because they were able to spot his lies and his emotions, he mentally cursed his expressive eyes they betrayed him in situations like these ones.
"T-" He only managed to whisper the letter before his voice broke and was lost, he cleared his throat quietly and coughed a little, trying to let sound escape through his mouth. He wanted this over now, he wanted to just go to his temporary home and be in his own bed. He tried again this time it came out just above a whisper so Tsunade leaned a little closer to the patient.
"This is my home town, I moved away for a few years now I am back" He sighed as the words were able to escape. They tore at his already abused throat but he resisted the urge to clear his throat or move to soothe the pain. "I see that in your file, it seems this is not your first time in the emergency department" Naruto looked straight down his scars on his arms were visible to him, they almost mocked him at this very moment in time. He was starting to get angry at himself, how could he have been so stupid to land himself into this mess, fuck everything, everything can go to hell.
'That's right, you should have just finished the fucking job but no you are just so pathetic that you can't even manage that, now you are going to be locked away with all the other crazy people'
His tan frame tensed and started to fold in on itself, he couldn't help it, his demon always knew how to get to him, how to tear him down one hurtful, truthful word after another. Tsunade noticed the change in the blondes demeanour, her eyes flicked to the open file she had on her lap, she saw the notes of the previous visits one thing that seemed to leap off the page,
'The patient seems to exhibit signs of schizophrenia, the patient describes a voice (demon) inside of his head telling him to commit certain acts towards himself and others, he explains that it is difficult to resist and the voice is rarely quite, he feels that he seems to share his mind with another'
Tsunade knew from a number of patients and also her own brother had suffered from demons that no one else could see, she had empathy for the blonde, no one would ever ask for something like this but even though she felt for the young adult in front of her she still had a duty to perform and if she let her feelings cloud her judgement it could be a grave mistake leading to possible death. She desperately wanted to help his boy in front of her, she felt a pull towards him, to want to save him.
"Naruto I have read the others notes on your admissions and I want to tell you I have to take them into consideration but I also want to help, more than anything I want to look out for your well being, I know you may not want to be admitted but I also need confirmation of your mental state at this moment"
Naruto listened to the words, they sunk in one after another, he mulled over the words and decided the best course of action was to be open and honest, may be then he had a chance of getting out of here today.
"Okay.." He drew in a deep breath, his hands found one another and he gripped them tightly in front of him his fingers twitched and fumbled with the other tanned ones.
"At the moment I feel fine, as you have already read I have a demon inside of my mind, he does not leave me alone, after an episode I can usually resist him better and he seems to be sedated for now, he taunts me relentlessly but I can still manage to perform everyday tasks, I have built a wall after years and I rebuild that wall stronger every time he breaks through in the hopes one day he will just leave me the hell alone... I will willingly go back on medication to help the process of healing as they like to tell me... I need to know will I ever be normal?" The stormy blue eyes looked towards the older blondes and captured her eyes with his, he seemed so small right now, so vulnerable. She was saddened that he would feel this way but she knew all to well how he must be feeling she lived years with her brother but instead of dealing with his illness he swept it under the rug and it killed him. Her heart squeezed at the memory, it was still so raw after so many years but she saw hope in this young man in front of her, she believed that with the right support and medication he would be able to continue a happy, healthy life for himself. She wanted that for him so bad she almost wanted to weep for him.
"Naruto you must not think of yourself as not normal, you are just a different kind of normal, I believe that with the right measures taken you will be able to lead a happy life and if you let me I would like to help you achieve that together." The younger blonde blinked and then he felt his eyes well up, he couldn't believe the difference compared to all the other doctors that had spoken and assessed him, he thought just maybe this time he really would be on the road to recovery. A small smile reached his lips, so small it might have been missed but the doctor had seen it and in return a smile graced her plump lips.
"Now I know this wasn't a very long assessment but I do believe in you, I want to give you my numbers so you can reach me any time, so if you are feeling the pressure of anything you can speak to me, I am not going to be like every other doctor, I understand that helping people is a 24 hour job, usually the worst hours are early morning, now if I release you will you promise to call and keep safe?" His ocean eyes widens and were moist with unshed tears, he blinked a few times and let the words sink in completely, he nodded so fast and vigorously. He reached over and hugged her, she was shocked and smile a little wider, she knew this blonde would make it through the darkest storms with a smile on his face, well at least she hoped so.
Tsunade had left a while ago after they had spoken for another half an hour, she wrote down three phone numbers for the blonde to take with him in any time of need, he appreciated that a lot he wasn't sure if he would be able to reach out when something happened again but he had made a promise and Naruto Uzumaki never went back on his word.
He was lounging in the uncomfortable hospital bed waiting for Tsunade to come back and give him his release papers and medication, along with scripts for repeats. His arm was steadily increasing in pain and he could see some blood seeping through the bandages. He sighed and shook his head he still was so angry and disappointed in himself he had given into that demon again. Why, why did he always give in, even if it wasn't straight away eventually his mind wall came crumbling down and he lost himself amongst the chaos of his mind and thoughts. He was so involved in his self wallowing that he didn't notice his friend walk in.
"Naruto, are you okay?" Gaara knew it was a stupid questions as soon as it was spoken but he had no other words. He knew that his friend was not okay but in time he wished he would be okay. The blonde deserved so much better than what he had been dealt, his problems has arised from things he could not control, triggered by an event that he didn't think most people could over come. That with the mix of his genes just triggered an illness within him, it wasn't fair and he hated everyone that had hurt his friend. All the blonde wanted was to be happy and live his life, not be constantly scared when he was going to have the next episode or be so paranoid he couldn't even make new friends, have his shirt off in front of people, say what he really thought, all these barriers most people didn't have to face, it can take its toll after a while, make the mind more susceptible to the onslaught he had from his demon. Gaara was unsure how to help or if what he was doing was making it worse but he had been happy that Naruto had called him after he left that dickhead of an ex.
"I will be, I think" Gaara was caught off guard when the blonde spoke, he had been mixed up in his own mind. He nodded and a small smile appeared, Naruto was one of the only people that could make him smile. He just had an aura about him that drew people in even if he couldn't see it himself, he didn't have a psycho demon in his head, Gaara could imagine the blonde smiling all the time, surrounded by friends and genuinely enjoying his life. He realised how much of the others live this had effected and he felt as if the other had been cheated in life.
"I'm glad your coming home and don't worry I will be here for you" The blonde nodded no words could form at the moment, first Tsunade wanting to help him so much and now Gaara, he was already feeling a little stronger with the support but then the demon decided to sounds his voice.
'you know they will just leave you in the end, you are just a burden on everyone they don't really want to help you but you are just such a pathetic puppy they can't help but want you to think they will help but then when you are not looking they will put you down life the dog you are..."
The demons laugh pierced his mind, echoing off the walls of his brain, a tanned hand shot up to grip his blonde hair, he hated that sound more than anything. The laugh was truly terrifying it was like the demon was everywhere all at once, like at any moment he could take control and Naruto could never get it back. It was a horrible feeling and his head throbbed from the loud chuckling. He hit his head a few times to make the sound cease, after a while it calmed down and he forced a smile on his face to not ruin his chances of going home.
Within a few minutes Tsunade had come back with a bag of medication with scripts inside, papers in her hand holding the bag and a small plastic cup containing two pills, the blonde instantly knew they were his medication one was a long pink one that was to sedate him and the other was a small round green pill, helping to keep his mood level and stop being so erratic. He knew this combination was the only one that worked, he also had to take a small pink pill that was lower in dosage during the times he found his moods changing or the demon becoming very active. He reached for the pills and swallowed them with out water he had learned to take them without water a while ago, the few minutes it took to grab some water could mean the episode had started some of them were brought on so suddenly he only had time to blink while others were a steady decline into the darkness within himself.