A few days had passed since Naruto had been discharged from the hospital, he had mostly stayed in his room in bed, Gaara had knocked a few times and attempted a conversation with the silent blonde but he just received short answers, he was getting a little worried the blonde was never this quite. The red head was keeping an eye on the blonde as well, before the other had been released he had searched every room for things the blonde may use on himself, he knew that wasn't the answer but he did have to attend university and work sometime and that would mean Naruto would be left on his own it was more a safety precaution for his peace of mind.
Sasuke had stopped by once to just see how things were going, he had a conversation with Gaara well more like looks and a few short sentences but each of them understood each other well enough. Sasuke was a little freaked out to be honest, he had never been around someone that reacted in such away, sure his brother was loopy and annoying as they came but he was more dramatic and quick mood changes but more of the positive moods than the negative ones. Sasuke was so lost on what to do and considering he really didn't know the blonde much he just left it, he wasn't fantastic at making friends and being social but at the same time he knew not to be insensitive and ask questions about what had happened, he still hasn't got a great idea what had happened but he guessed in time if Naruto and himself were ever to become friends he would understand.
The blonde hadn't known he had stopped by because of his uncertainty of how he would react considering Sasuke felt more than a little responsible but he was again so unsure of what he had done to cause it but regardless he felt the way he felt. Being the way he was he didn't express this concern to anyone but Gaara some how understood his guilt, the other had tried to explain that it wasn't his fault and his blonde friend just saw the world differently compared to them, little things to everyone else seemed like world shattering events to him, so the people he were around had to be able to be sensitive to the way he was programmed. It made sense in the way he had explained but it was still difficult to comprehend, then he explained it as most people knew the sky as blue it was a well known fact but some people could see the sky as pink and that would be as normal to them as blue is to us.
The blonde lay there, his blue eyes looking lost and cloudy, he was bored and he was feeling so guilt and pathetic. The demon was beginning to talk quieter, it wasn't like a roar every time he spoke, now it was more like the normal volume of speaking, it still annoyed Naruto to no end that the fucker was still there, still in his head, messing with his fucking life. He shifted in his bed as his agitation grew, he couldn't take it any more, being cooped up inside, he knew he had his time in bed to wallow in self pity but now was the time to bounce back and try to build himself a life in Konoha. He flung the covers off himself and the quick rush of air alerted his senses of how bad he smelt he guessed not showering for three days and laying around would do that to someone, the first thing on his list shower and a change of clothes.
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After he had his shower he felt fresher than he had felt in days, this gave him a bit of confidence to try get his life back on track, it still amazed him how much a hot shower could really up lift him, it was so odd but at the same time taking care of ones self was the first lesson any therapist taught their clients, he shrugged his shoulders and took a deep breath. He faced the mirror now dressed in a bright orange t-shirt with a black outline of a fox designed onto the front, he loved this t-shirt he had a weird obsession with foxes, he just found then so cool and just free, like he had always wished to be. He wore simple blue jeans and his favourite orange converses, when he had found them he was so happy it was really the little things that made his day some times, people could honestly be such a let down.
He shook his head, his toothbrush in his mouth has he quickly finished and rinsed his mouth, he slowly looked up almost afraid of looking at himself in the mirror, he still had to have his arms bandaged during the day but he had to take them off to shower, he looked at his exposed arms, the angry swelling around the cuts had died a little, the stitchs still visible and a few had started bleeding again with dry blood around some of them as well, they looked so depressing so raw, his heart sank at the thought of more scars, more stories to make up, more weird looks he would get, the names he would be called.
"Fuck, I am so fucking stupid, why can't you just be fucking normal!"
He shouted at his own reflection, he was starting to become down again but it was so hard not to when the evidence of his failures were present on his arms ever mocking him that he was so pathetic, that he couldn't live a normal life and he couldn't take his own life. He was stuck living a half life, stuck between conflicting emotions and on any given day stuck on the thoughts of if it was all work it in the end. He sighed he was hoping the today he could start again but his wounds showed his downfall, his weakness. Water gathered in his eyes as he continued to sink into the black abyss it called his name seductively, it was a safe place, it closed around him like a safety blanket but it was deadly literally and metaphorically. It beckoned him but it crushed him as it had him in it's grasp. A shivered ran down his spine, a tear broke the barrier and slid down his defeated looking face. It was hard facing your true self in the mirror, it was hard being constantly reminded of your mistakes, of your flaws.
He angrily wiped the trail away and stared himself in the eye, his eyes had grown darker as his mood shifted more into the anger.
"I will NOT fuck myself up today, I WILL enrol in Konoha University, I WILL" He had shouted and emphasised the words so that hopefully it would kick start his drive to live and actually be apart of society. With this he turned away he heard the terrifying chuckling but he blocked it out in rare moments like these he was able to push the beast into the back of his mind, it may not last long but every time he accomplished it he felt a little bit stronger than before. He grabbed his things as his eyes looked around his dark room, he walked to the window and open the curtains in one swoop, the sun shone heating his face, making his warm inside, the suns rays gave him a little more hope that today he would try harder, be better, become Naruto.
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Gaara had decided to join him to show him where everything in Konoha was and Naruto was grateful for that he hated driving around when he didn't know, he easy become distressed when being lost, many times he would begin to cry and scream at himself, so he avoided that situation as much as possible. The pair hadn't spoken much, Gaara was just happy that his friend was out of his dark, stinky room it was amazing how much a room could smell after three days. He made light conversation to not make things awkward but also didn't dive deeper he was afraid if he pushed the other he would clam up and become a hermit in his room again. So they drove in mostly silence the break in silence being Gaara saying directions to the University.
The blonde grew tired of the silence so he played music, he wanted to uplifted, not many people understood his inspiration from hardcore/metal core bands but the lyrics were what made the song if people didn't like the screaming then too bad for them. The beginnings of a songs started to play through the speakers and the blonde held a small smile as the singer began to sing.
'Dearest love,
I hope this message finds you well
As these endless thoughts drip from my soul
Every single word secretly paints a fairytale'
The blonde sung along to the words he had listened to his songs so many times, he was a big fan of music the lyrics just expressed so much he was just not able to. His mood started to pick up again his he let his pain flow through his singing along to the song, the screaming part came up and he still tried to sing along, the screamed released an anger and sadness inside him, it leaked through himself when he was singing, afterwards he always felt lighter than before he had started.
The song continued to flow through the car as the blonde sung along to the words perfectly, Gaara sat there in amazement he would like to have heard his friend without the music but even now he could tell the blonde was a good singer, his friend had always been creative and artistic. He almost fit the stereotype of most emotionally distressed people but at the same time he didn't fit into the stereotype either, he was a walking contradiction of himself, his appearance was bright and warm while inside was darkness latching on where the light was, seeking to destroy all the light so that all was left was the endless black.
'was this all a lie?'
Naruto sung this part with such emotion he had his ex boyfriend on his mind, it was all a fucking lie, he lied to him, he gritted his teeth and got his frustrations out with the music. He screamed so loud and heavy that as the song finished he was left panting but he felt the lighter feeling was over him as the darkness was kept at bay.
His phone chose that moment to ring but he ignored it just like every other time his pretty much only friend was sitting in the car and the only other person who rang him recently was Neji, so he swiped to ignore it and continued driving, he made small talk with Gaara and his mood continued to increase.
They arrived at the university and they both exited the car they made their way to the faculty building, Naruto was studying teaching at his other university but he decided that teaching just was not for him unfortunately. Teaching was more about theories than about the actual students and he hated that. He knew he wanted to work with people but he wasn't sure what he wanted to study. The reached the place they needed to be and quickly spoke to the lady behind the desk to ask for the transfer papers and to set up a time with the dean to complete the transfer process.
They managed to complete that task rather quickly the dean was a business like man, brown hair and green eyes, pale skin and pretty ordinary looking. He had decided to accept Naruto, even though he had phone calls to make, he looked over his unit markings asked a few questions and then allowed him to leave. The blonde quickly filled out all the paper work before they left handing it to the nice red head behind the desk she took then with a smile and then bid them a goodbye.
As the two companions walked out of the university grounds Gaara broke the silence.
"Naruto want to grab lunch" Naruto thought it over and nodded, he wasn't in the talking mood, he felt his phone vibrate against his thigh, he slipped it out and looked at the screen he only saw half the message.
'Naruto, baby I love you please come home I will do anything...' The message made his heart ache at the loss of not having Neji, the guy was a drug addict and a prick but at the same time Naruto had loved him with all of his heart and now his heart felt damaged, broken and he was not sure how much more heart break he could take, most of his life he had been used and tossed away, more than anything he wished someone would love him but then who would love a fucked up mess like him, the demon did not make it easy in the least, he thought briefly back to his boyfriend when he was 15, he had discovered he was gay only a few months ago, it had been mostly accepted within his few friends and well he didn't really have a family so that didn't matter too much. Gaara had accepted him with open arms, most people thought the two best friends would end up together they had always been so close. His boyfriend at the time had been one of those primary school ones, Naruto being so timid and so inexperienced shied away from a lot of the advances, mainly holding hands and kissing on the lips it took him a while to warm up to the idea of kissing with tongues but he managed to get there.
He remembered the day he had lost it, its mostly a story full of holes and lost time all he knew was he had hurt the other really badly after he had touched him in a certain place and begun to be forceful about taking the relationship to a more physical direction. The blonde had just lost it a memory was triggered, the demon attacked him until he could no longer control his actions, he sat on the sidelines in darkness as his hands hurt the other. That was the one of scariest and bleakest days of his young life, he had visited the boy and apologised, crying, begging for him to understand but instead the boy lashed out viciously assaulting him just as Naruto had, it was revenge after that Naruto had stayed away from most people and they stayed away from him. Gaara was there to pick up the pieces but a crack formed on his heart then grew bigger each time.
Gaara did feel a great pain for the boy he understood as much as he could about Naruto's illness, how his mind operated he had been one of his only friends to remain not only that he sought out information and answers anything to help him understand and try to help him in any way he could but unfortunately it was not that easy. It was so delicate of a situation, he was warned to stay away from the blonde when he became volatile, he would not recognise his friends or anyone, so to make sure he was not injured. Many times Gaara did not heed that warning, he jumped in countless times to help the blonde, to pin him down to stop him from hurting himself, or others, he had even cut the belt that Naruto had tried to hang himself with. Gaara was luckily not a weak person, he took this in his stride and promised himself that he would help the blonde as much as he could.
They were so close and then Naruto had fell in with another group of people, he met the dickhead with that group of people, they seemed to never judge Naruto and made him feel happy, mostly because majority of them were out of their minds on some form of drug or alcohol so they really didn't care that much. Neji had sucked Naruto in with his kind words, his addictive smile and his safety, these were all illusions the relationship had formed quickly and Naruto had latched onto him with tooth and nail. Not long into the relationship Naruto had been so 'in love' and had missed the other boy terribly he couldn't stand to be away from him so he had moved to his town.
They found a house together and were on their way to starting a life, except the drugs got worse, nothing changed, the abuse started, Naruto lost all contact with friends and everyone. Gaara was unsure how much had happened in the last few years with the blonde he seemed different but to what extent he didn't know. He guessed that in time Naruto would open up to him again or so he hoped.
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The two decided to grab lunch in a nice looking cafe on the other side of town, Gaara quite liked this cafe because it was quite and had a delicious menu. They sat on a table near the back and just browsed at the menu, the blonde seemed distant ever since he had looked at his phone. Tanned fingers table the table top as he read the menu, teal eyes glued onto the nimble fingers tapping, his eyes flicked back to the menu, they moved to the blonde then to the menu.
He watched as the blonde slid out his phone, looking at the screen he saw his normally sparkling blue eyes darken with clouds of anger, as his hand aggressively swiping the answer button, his non existent eyebrows furrowed in confusion, it was soon morphed into one of fury as he heard Naruto speak.
"What the hell do you want Neji, Stop calling me for fuck sakes" Naruto probably shouldn't of answered the call but he was getting so aggravated about the missed calls the constant text messages, not only that the last message got to him and he hated it, he hated how much the man on the other end of the phone controlled him.
Gaara couldn't hear the other end of the phone call, so he chose this moment to speak up, he couldn't watch his friend hurt himself over that piece of trash, he had given him enough chances, enough of himself and enough of everything. This had to stop.
"Naruto hang up the phone now" Naruto looked at Gaara with an expression that looked close to scared but he was confused at the expression, he could faintly hear yelling through the phone, Naruto had turned down the volume.
"Neji, I do not have a new boyfriend, for fuck sakes, I am allowed to have friends, you do not control me or fucking dictate what I can and fucking can't do, it's over, stop calling me" Naruto tried to keep his voice down but his emotions were slowly bubbling over, he was close to snapping, all the pain was rising to the surface, mixed with anger, betrayal, sadness, a sense of loss, the emotions were going to become to much, just when all this was happening the blonde was battling his demon.
'You will never find anyone that loves you, you deserve to punished you worthless piece of trash, you know you like it you little slut'
The blonde stopped everything all together, he clenched his eyes shut as his breathing became laboured, his teeth gritting painfully against one another, his head pounded ferociously, his heart thumping uncontrollably. The phone was gripped painfully in his hand as his other fist closed so tightly it shook. Gaara looked on and knew what was coming, he panicked this couldn't happen again Naruto just sorted out his university life in Konoha he couldn't stand back and watch as he destroyed himself and his life. He pushed his chair back and stood, quickly stepping towards the blonde, he pulled the phone out of the blondes hands. He brought it up to his mouth and ear.
"Neji if you ever call Naruto again, I will fucking end you..." before the other had a chance to respond he ended the call, his next task was to try to calm the blonde before him. He squat down, he knew that being above him would only make matters worse, he would feel overpowered and want to lash out. He slowly reached for his hands and tried to straighten them out.
"Naruto, listen to me, Neji can't hurt you any more, I'm here, look at me" He was pleading and he would never do this for anyone else but the person in front of him, he was special. He continued to rub soothing strokes up thin tanned arms, careful to not aggravate his still fresh wounds. He was silently plotting how to end that fucking asshole, he was sick of it, he ruined his friends life for years just has he became free he comes crawling back like every other time. It was like he couldn't bare the thought of any one else having him but treated him like shit, he had a suspicion that this dickhead probably cheated on him.
"Naruto please, I am here, talk to me"
"I can't, it hurts" Gaara reached into his pocket grabbing the supply of the smaller pink pills he carried, just in case, he popped on and urged Naruto to take it. With shaking hands he reached for it, failed to grab it the first time but managed on the second attempt, he dropped it into his mouth and tried to swallow only realising his mouth had gone dry, the red head rushed over to the water tank they keep for customers and quickly pouring a glass, he rushed back and nearly threw it into the blondes hands, he knew how delicate and timely a situation like this was. The blonde grabbed it and drained the contents, the pill easily sliding down his now lubricated throat, the seconds ticked by. Tanned hands grabbed his blonde hair in clumps. Five minutes ticked by so slowly, his breath begun to even out, his hands still clenched but slowly opening and holding on less. His hand removed themselves and fell down by his sides the lay there limp, unmoving. His eyes remained closed for a bit before they opened and blinked quickly adjusting to the rooms light. His eyes looked over to his friend his gratefulness evident. The redhead just nodded and moved to sit down. He understood the need for some space straight after situations like this arose. He claimed his own chair again and looked around he was grateful they were the only customers in the cafe at this time, the staff seemed to busy except for the waitress. He just noticed it was a girl from his high school he had never liked her then, she was too obsessive and loud.
"Sakura..."