Shepard stepped out of the shuttle. Every member of the crew, save for those on guard duty, had gathered in the hangar bay. Joker came limping towards her, his green eyes churning. He embraced her and she hugged him back carefully.

"I'm sorry, Commander", he whispered, his voice heavy with tears.

"It wasn't your fault, Joker", she said. "I'm just glad they didn't hurt you."

The pilot took a step back, wiping at his eyes, smiling at her. "My cap and my thick, luscious hair protected me."

She returned his smile. Then Liara was there, hugging her tightly, kissing her on the cheek. "I was so afraid I wouldn't see you again. Thank the Goddess you're safe..."

Tali was crying so hard, choking on her words when she hugged first Shepard, then Garrus and the others one by one, even Zaeed who gave her an awkward pat on the shoulder.

Everyone had tears in their eyes and offered the returning team-members pats on the back, smiles and hugs, as if wanting to make sure they were really there. Finally Doctor Chakwas clapped her hands together. "That's enough", she said loudly. "Everyone back to your stations, I want Shepard and Lieutenant Vega taken to the med-bay stat."

Shepard followed the Doctor into the elevator. James was lying on gurney. He was conscious and lucid but in pain. He smiled up at Shepard, taking her hand. "We made it, all of us", he said in a weak whisper.

She nodded. She felt numb, closed off from everything, as if she had left her emotions in that dirty room with the stained white tiles, the torture-devices and the corpse of the man that had raped her.

An hour later, after Chakwas had examined her, Shepard exited the elevator and stepped into her cabin. The fish tank illuminated it in blue hues and soft shadows. She didn't bother to turn on the lights. Her hair was still wet from the shower she had taken down in the med-bay. She passed the cluttered desk and then the coffee-table framed by the two couches.

She kicked off the trainers and curled up on the bed, knees pulled up towards her chest and arms wrapped around herself, wondering when the numbness would go away and the reality of it all would hit her.

She was still wondering when she fell a sleep and returned to Pragia, reliving a distorted version of the rapes, the escape through the jungle, of being captured. She saw James being tortured again, only this time he died and she was the one standing there, holding syringes containing the drug that had killed him. Then it wasn't James but Coetzee and she was standing over him, watching the light slowly go out of his eyes as he begged for mercy with blood and saliva congealing around his mouth. Then the scene changed and she was back in the jungle, running for the ERV. She burst out through the tree line only to find that it was the black, sleek gunship that met her and not the Kodiak.

She watched as its heavy cannons zeroed in on her and fired.

Shepard woke up with a start, staring around in a panic, wondering where the hell she was. It took a few seconds to remember that she was back on board the Normandy. A sound coming from outside her closed and locked door made her flinch again. She took deep breath, calming her frayed nerves and trying to clear her head.

She got out of bed and stretched, wincing as her stiff, sore muscles protested. Shepard crossed the cabin on bare feet, pressed in the code that would unlock the door and opened it. She wasn't really surprised to see Garrus standing there, leaning against the wall next to the elevator. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you but you'd locked the door", he said, unfolding from his slouching posture. "When EDI said you were sleeping I didn't want to wake you." He was shuffling his feet a little, his dual-toned voice holding trilling sub-harmonics that told her he was nervous, or worried.

She did her best to give him a smile from within the shell of numbness. "I'm fine. You should get some rest yourself, you look like you could-" He took her hand and the rest of the words got stuck in her throat.

"You're not fine", he said, his eyes meeting hers. "I'm not just some crew-member serving under you that you can brush off with a fake smile and a lie. I know you too well, Shepard." His mandibles tenses against his face when she responded by moving away from him and her hand slipped out of his. He followed her into the cabin. "I noticed you've ordered Joker to change course. Where are we going?"

"Illium", she replied and he saw true emotion for the first time since they had returned to the Normandy.

"Shepard... You don't have to do this. Let Liara's agents find this guy and-"

"No!" Her voice was sharp like the crack of a whip and she turned to him with blazing eyes. "I need to know who he is. I need to find out why he did this to me. I need to look into his eyes when..." Her voice trailed off.

"When you kill him?" Garrus asked softly.

Shepard took a deep breath. "Yes..." She whispered. "When I kill him..."

He came up to her and she forced herself to not back away, to stand still when his hands settled on her shoulders. "Vengeance isn't free", he said in that same soft tone of voice, but there was a glint of steel in his eyes. "You always have to pay a price. You pay in blood, in lives... It blackens your soul and hardens your heart."

She met his steady gaze. She could see the truth in his eyes. For the first time she realised that killing Sidonis hadn't ended it for him. He had slacked his blood-thirst, his lust for revenge. But it hadn't change anything. Hadn't brought him the peace he sought.

"Do you still want it?" He asked.

Shepard's voice was rough when she replied. "Yes."

Garrus nodded. "Then we go to Illium. You and me, Shepard, no-one else. We do this alone and we end it together."

Sorry about the lack of length of this chapter, guys. But I felt that there wasn't really anything I could add to it. So we're off to Illium, to track down the Dealer and find out the truth.

Also, I'm sorry for being so slow when it comes to updating but I'm swamped trying to get my house in order and just life in general. The good thing is that I've already written parts of the next chapter so hopefully I'll get it up sometime at the end of the coming week.

As always, thank you CyanB for all your input and your help, and thank you to everyone who's taken the time to post a review. Lots of love to you all! ~Sharma