Finn wasn't sure how he coped within the following twelve days, how he could continue to live without his "Partner in crime". As dramatic as it may sounded, Finn breathing whilst Chop wasn't was a milestone and a half for him. Even if he spent all that time torturing himself with the image of Chop's bloodied body, the image always so vivid whenever Finn would finally get his head down of a night. It had been a nightmare for Chloe to get Finn out of bed, but around day seven; Finn finally mustered some energy, got a shower and decided he needed to be there for Izzy. Finn now had to take the role of her protector, the least he could've done for Chop.
As time grew on, the more it all dawned on Finn - the burden and reality of it all weighed heavily on Finn's chest. And as much as Finn would've liked to have been strong for Izzy, he just couldn't help but grow wrapped up within his own grief - as did the others. Finn looked around Chop's living room, watching quietly as family members and the gang talked animatedly about Chop; sharing pleasant and hilarious stories - which Finn grew angry at. It wasn't that Finn was angry at the others within the room but more at himself for not being able to join in, but how could he possibly crack a smile when a certain lifeless body laid in a coffin one room over? How could they all be so calm and not crying in a fit of hysteria? His new found dramatic inner monologue was the grief talking, Finn pegged it down to anyway - especially his anger.
Instead of cracking a smile or cracking someone's face, Finn excused himself to go the toilet. He rose to his feet and weaved in-n-out the mass of bodies that rubbed shoulders with each other as they house overflowed with people, Finn headed to the staircase and took a deep breath before making the dreaded walk to see Izzy as having a wee could wait.
Izzy had put off going to see Chop, well his body, for as long as she could. She knew she'd eventually see him, especially considering the wake was being held at their house. Ironic, it being called a wake. Izzy often found herself smiling to herself, smiling about when Chop used to take the piss out of death and everything religious - especially at funerals and to keep a smile on his girlfriend's face. He'd often say "Sleep? Not for me, I'll sleep when am dead. Or at me wake, wha' a fuckin' name. 'The wake' Bit stupid tha' considerin' they can't open their fuckin' eyes, ain't it, Iz?" In which Izzy and the gang would have to surpress a giggle as Chloe would scold the lot of them for being "so bloody insensitive."
Speaking of the wake, it was the second and final morning of Chop's. D-Day. Something Izzy had dreaded for just under a fortnight. Twelve whole days of not seeing her, now, deceased boyfriend. Reason it being so long as since he died of a stab wound, they had to do a series of autopsies and such - meaning the body belonged to the mourge for a week. Two of those days, he was in the chapel of rest and one of those days, he had been at home - but Izzy never left their bedroom. But that was all going to change today, Finn, Archie, Johnny and the rest were going to make sure she saw Chop before his coffin was sealed at midnight.
Izzy had been isolated in her room for Twelve whole days. Twelve whole days of sleeping, crying, not eating, not showering and just laying there; not even switching on the telly. Josie, Chop's mother, was all hands on deck; even putting aside the fact that Chop should've been at his real home. Despite being wrapped up in her own sadness, Josie would check on Izzy at least three times a day; taking in a cup of tea and a slice of toast - all whilst having to entertain relatives and old friends downstairs.
Josie hadn't been up to Izzy today as there were more people over than usual, as it was the day before the funeral. This morning, Izzy laid on her side in bed and stared at her wardrobe and her little black dress that was hung up before her - her eyes stung whenever she would blink. She felt nothing, nothing but hallowness. She couldn't even cry. But whenever she could feel the tears coming, she'd simply hug Chop's old and worn oversized Nike jumper tighter to her frame before then turning over and drifting back into a heavy sleep; dreaming of nothing.
As she heard floorboards creek outside of her and Chop's bedroom as feet wandered outside, she expected it to be a guest going the toilet or Josie finally making an appearance; but she was surprised to see Finn's brown mop of hair pop through the door.
Finn wasn't sure what he was to expect as he walked into her room, but he never expected... He never expected that. She had completely given up; something he'd never thought he'd see. Now, although he knew Izzy and Chop were each other's other halves; he never expected Izzy to be so lifeless and so defeated. Even Josie, of all people, was up and solidering on with it all - he expected that to be Izzy. When he walked in the house that morning, he expected Izzy to be entertaining the guests and making all the final peperations for tomorrow; whilst Josie would be the one in bed and wrapped in her own self-misery. But no, it was roles reverse; and it was heart-breaking.
Izzy, his best friend, had washed her hands and let everybody else clean up the mess. He just couldn't understand it, this wasn't the Izzy that was a little firecracker. This wasn't the Izzy that always bounced back, not matter what was thrown at her. This, was a complete stranger. One part of him wanted to grab her by the arm, launch her into a shower, get her ready and march her down the stairs and into the living room - making her face it like the rest of them. But then the other part wanted to just lie down beside her and lay in silence.
So he did.
He moved over to the bed, taking a seat beside her; before simply laying down and onto his back. He lapped up the silence, noticing how much of a nice change it was to the loudness of downstairs. It was so still, you could hear a pin drop. Never, in all of his nineteeen years, had Finn been in such a still and silent room. He honestly didn't know how Izzy could've done this for a week straight, it would've sent him completely twisted and mental - his thoughts would've swallowed him whole and ruined him through.
Izzy then croaked, her voice cracking slightly as it were the first words she'd spoken in so long, "Finn?" Her voice was so small and quiet that if Finn hadn't been laying next to her then he wouldn't have been able to hear it, "Yeh?" He questioned timidly, frightened of speaking too loud and making her cry, "C... Can we go in the covers? Like we did whenever y' mum and dad would argue when we were little?" She croaked. He then said nothing, but simply sat up and turned the quilt around. He then unbuttoned the quilt, which she slowly sat up - as if every bone and muscle ached - and climbed in; her back facing him as she sat up and inside the thin cover. He then climbed in behind her and wrapped his arms and legs around her, her tiny frame moudling perfectly in his embrace.
He silently inhaled her scent, the smell of faded shampoo, warmth and fabric softner. Considering Izzy hadn't showered for near enough ten or eleven days, give or take, she didn't really smell. She just didn't smell as clean as normal.
Finn then rested his chin on her shoulder and glanced at the side of her face, her features completely netrual and emotionless, "Y' gonna come down today?" He asked gently, in which she softly asked, "Wha's the point? He's dead, Finn. Tha' body downstairs isn't my boyfriend anymore", He sighed inwardly, before then pressing, "I know he ain't alive anymore but he's still Chop and I know it's hard for y'. I mean, I know I don't and can't understand or feel what y' going through but y' need to go and see 'im. Y' need to say goodbye, y'll never forgi-", She cut him off by clutching his hands tighter to her chest and whimpering, "I can't, Finn. I can't face it, I can't see him because then it'll be real and I don't want it to be real. I'm terrified of havin' to live without him. And now? Now, I have to actually grow up without him. He's gone. But yet he promised, he promised that he'd never leave me. He's supposed to protect me, but now he's left me and I-", He then could feel her getting all worked up, "Hey, sh, sh. It's ok", He cooed in her ear as he held her tighter, soothing her.
It then grew silent, the only noises to be heard were her sniffs every now and again as her shoulders heavily rose up and down as she calmed herself. Finn tried one more time, his determination to get her out of bed; strong, "Listen, how about y' get a bath, put fresh PJs on, come and see everyone for five minutes and if y' don't like it then we can come back up and in 'ere with the gang and just watch a shit ton of films", She considered it, she considered it for a good ten minutes. He thought she was simply ignoring him and not giving in, that is, until she then asked, "Is tea included in that offer?" Which Finn couldn't help but let a smile slip.
After an hour cuddle in the cover and waiting for the house to quieten down, Finn ran Izzy a bubble bath before leaving her to it as he sat in her room, watching telly and making sure she was alright. Once she was finished, walking back into the room, he left her be; heading downstairs and for the living room where it was now just the gang - all bar Al who was nowhere to be seen - were all jotted around the room. Finn sat down and loosened his tie, on the verge of snapping as he was never one for suits. He didn't understand why he or any of the lads were wearing suits as the funeral wasn't till tomorrow, he could kill Archie for suggesting it - Chop wouldn't have cared if they all showed up in bin bags for Christ's sake. All that mattered was that they were there, not what attire showed the most respect.
"'ow is she?" Asked Chloe, timidly. Finn scratched the back of his left ear, adjusting his earring before exhaling, "Quiet", Archie's brow furrowed before he asked, "How d'ya mean?" Finn sighed, unable to fully explain, "Y'll have to see for y'self, she should be down in about five minutes as she's just puttin' on some PJs", Archie then gave a short nod, before Johnny then asked the dreaded question, "Right, who's gonna take 'er in to see 'im?"
It then grew silent, an elephant in the room. Once he saw nobody was going to offer, Finn then scoffed; deciding to take one for the team, "Fuck it I'll do it."
An even bigger elephant came into the room when Izzy entered, her hair threw up and wearing new PJs; that hung from her little frame - littler than the last time everyone else saw her. It killed each of the gang, one by one and cut them to bits. Her face was sunken, grey and worn. She forced a smile, it not quite reaching her eyes. She gave an awkward wave before Finn then rose, moved over to her and timidly, asked, "Y' ready?" She didn't look at him, but stared ahead as her breath caught in the back of her throat - everyone's eyes fell on her as they awaited her answer. She slowly looked at him, avoiding everyone's stare, "Y' comin' in with me?" He nodded, "Well, unless y' want someone else to?" She shook her head, "No, it's alright", She then took a deep breath, "Let's do it", Torn, he then asked, "Y' sure?" She nodded and cracked a smile, "Positive".
A quote from a book Izzy once read a few months back sprang to mind as soon as she entered the second "Living room" And that was in joint with the other living room except two big curtains blocked the room from view to not upset anybody, it went along the lines of;
"You think you know death, but you don't, not until you've seen it, really seen it... And it gets under your skin and lives inside you. You also think you know life, stand on the edge of things and what you go by but you're not living it, not really, you're just a tourist, a ghost, then you see it, really see it, it gets under your skin and lives inside you, and there's no escape, there's nothing to be done, and you know what it's good, it's a good thing."
And she never really understood it, until now. When she was facing death before her, in the shape of a man she lived with for two years. Two emotional and magificent years, 730 days of laughter, heartache, and happiness. The man who kissed her first thing in the morning and the last thing at night, the man who she argued with over the telly, the man who helped her pass her GCSEs and helped her get into college, the man who she owed everything to and the man she'd die for; now laid in a charcole grey coloured suit before her.
The smell of death and decay wafted around the room, the smell of mothballs and mould. Scented candles and glade air freshner pathetically tried to cover the smell, but failed hurrendously. Curtains had been set up within the room, just so the sun couldn't pour in through the windows and cause the body to deteriote quicker than needed. The only light that illuminated within the room were Yankee candles and the dim glow of the sunset against the curtains.
His casket stood tall, proud and open; pictures, rosary beads, crosses, flowers and a veil surrounded it to make it look less daunting - trying to take emphasis away from the large box but only highlighted it more.
Izzy could've swore her footsteps and pulse grew louder as she advanced towards the room, and her chest and shoulders grew suddenly heavy as she entered. There he was, laying there with his lifeless hands crossed and laid upon his suited stomach. Finn trailed slowly behind her, he hadn't been in the room himself yet - he wanted to let Izzy do it first. Unlike the rest of the group, who had taken turns in twos throughout the day to pay their respects; much to Finn's dismay.
Now, although Chop was Finn's best mate; Chop was Izzy's first proper love and Izzy's best friend first - only by a day or two, give or take. So, it was no surprise that his heart practically shattered as he heard Izzy gasp as she placed her hands over her mouth and let out a muffled sob. She then whimpered, "Oh God", Finn felt his cheeks grow wet, so he rougly wiped away his tears; feeling it were not his moment nor place to cry.
She moved slowly over to the casket, tears completely soaked her cheeks. She then loomed over him, and there he was. In the flesh. Through a sob, she let out a small laugh, "Y'know how to get y'self into some situations, ay?" Her smile then faltered as her bottom lip quivered and her eyes flicked, trying to fight back any more tears. She then couldn't help but smooth his suit slightly as she knew he'd go mad with it being creased, depsite being told not to touch him; due to the bacteria upon his body.
Izzy closed her eyes in pain, once more as she let out another sob, swallowing it down before visibly composing herself, looking back down at the body before her. Finn could see she was about to give way, he wanted to give her more time with Chop but she was going to give out if he didn't interfere. So, he made his way over. He slid one arm around her stomach as her bump wasn't all that big and the other across her chest before squeezing her tight but carefully as he tried not to hurt the baby and her. He then buried his face into her shoulder, kissing it as he let out a sob. He couldn't stop crying, he didn't know why but he couldn't.
She tried, she really fucking tried; but she couldn't keep it in. So, she just let go. She sobbed so hard, she thought her ribs were going to snap. Her eyes were so red and raw from the crying, she then hugged Finn's arms as they wrapped tighter around her. He lifted his face from her shoulder and he kissed her cheek, mumbling into it, "I know", over and over; tears of his own mixing with her's and wetting his lips as she continued to sob - the shining of their tears were only a small and visible sign of the sadness and pain that curled away inside them.
He rested his cheek against hers as he let her sob, let her sob so hard that her tiny body shook underneath his hold. She cried so hard, she couldn't even speak or cry properly anymore. He swayed her slightly, trying to soothe her. But she couldn't calm down, each time she'd tried to speak; he'd either shush her or she couldn't actually speak properly. She wasn't crying anymore, but more like wailing. She then let out the biggest sob Finn had ever heard a girl release, "Chop", She wailed louder, her sobs echoing off the walls within the room and that's when her legs gave out. Finn held his embrace around her, keeping her up. She wanted him to let go, so she could curl into a ball and cry. Cry until she couldn't breathe, cry until she grew tired and cry until everything disappeared.
Izzy never knew she could cry this much, she never knew something would hurt this much or make her feel so hollow. Izzy thought that perhaps the more she'd cry, then maybe he'd wake up and comfort her; like he did whenever she'd have a nightmare. Maybe if she cried and wished hard enough, he'd open his eyes and be there for her. Nobody in that house, apart from Josie, could feel Izzy's pain at that moment. The reason why it hurt so much, is because it was actually happening and it wasn't a fragment of her imagintation; he laid there in cold and lifeless proof. It hurt because Izzy now had to live her life without her partner in crime, her best friend. Her safety blanket had been taken away and she now had to grow up, pick her dummy up and get on with it. This time Izzy couldn't stamp her feet to make him come back, and it made her so fucking frustrated and angry. So much, she couldn't understand it.
Her mind went into overdrive and she was going into a complete and utter meltdown before Finn, and he just couldn't wrap his head around it. He thought that if she screeched or wailed any louder, his ear drums would burst. He felt his muscles flex more and more as he tried his best to keep his hold around her as she tried her best to fight it to become a heap of sobs upon the wooden floor. Eventually, he gave in to her protests and slowly lowered himself and her onto the floor. But he still didn't let go, as soon as his arse hit the floor; he pulled her into his chest and held her tight as her arms attached themselves around his torso and her face burried into the fabric of his white dress shirt; a damp patch quickly appearing and that's when Finn let go - he let his walls burst and his emotions flood through. He'd lost his best mate, she'd lost her first love and both had lost a part of each other.
Finn stayed over that night, even Chloe knew it was the right thing for him to do and let him do so without any arguments. Night transcended to day, and it was soon Chop's funeral. That morning the house was busy, with people who were in funeral cars all waiting and jotted around the place. Rae and Chloe, despite wrapped up in their own grief, helped Izzy get dressed that morning - making her hair extra nice but leaving her face bare as panda eyes and smeared blusher was never a good look.
The gang - Chloe, Rae, Finn, Izzy, Johnny and Archie - were given their own funeral car, fourth in line as the coffin was first, his mum, uncle, siblings and grandparents were second, cousins were third and so, they were rightfully fourth. Izzy was offered a place from Josie to go into the second car with her, but Izzy declined as Chop would've wanted her to be in with the gang. Al hadn't turned up, no excuse; he just didn't turn up.
The precession from the street to the church was no longer than a ten minute ride and soon, everyone was outside the church. Johnny, Finn and Archie had been asked to carry the casket with Chop's granddad, dad and uncle - his brother declined the offer three days prior as he knew he wouldn't have been able to do it. The turn out was more than expected, just over a hundred had showed up - some even had to stand.
The church was filled, some spilling out through the back as the rows of benches were filled with heads. The gang were on the right and behind Josie as the second and third car had filled up the first two benches. Finn and Rae sat on either side of Izzy, holding a hand each, Chloe sat on Finn's left and Johnny on Rae's right and Archie sat on the end, next to the aisle that led up to the casket.
As soon as everyone were settled, the priest began. But none of the gang could hear a word, everything fuzzy. Chop's granddad held Josie the entire time, the two never got up for communion as Josie was to weak with sadness. Finn's eyes never left the casket once and Izzy's never left the ground, Finn let go of Izzy's hand and slipped his arm around her shoulders; pulling her into him. He cupped her cheek and kissed the top of her head before his hand slipped to her hair, he rested his cheek on top of her head but his gaze still lingered on the casket.
One by one the gang mentally gave their goodbyes, the gang couldn't even call themselves that anymore - as a major piece was missing. He was the one that came up with the pranks, the one who was always cracking the most stupidest but most hilarious jokes, he was charming in his own way and he never failed to make you smile. He may not have been the cleveriest of lads but he meant well and would be there with ice cream and an extra cheesy pizza if you needed him. Archie, Chloe and Rae had lost their best friend, Izzy had lost her first love, and Finn and Johnny had lost their brother. As the service moved on to the cemotary, the gang watched through blurred vision as the casket was lowered into the ground. They all watched as his gold plague upon the casket was slowly being covered in dirt, but the words still visible;
Arnold "Chop" Peters.
1.6.80 - 7.3.99
Brother. Son. Best friend. Loved.
The funeral passed and day turned to evening, everyone who had attended the funeral had all decided that it was best to return to Chop's; all one hundred of them. It was a tight squeeze but they fitted, fitted quite comfortably actually. As time grew on people began to leave one-by-one; until it was just the gang, Brogan, Tash, a cousin, Uncle Al, Chop's grandparents and Josie were left. As ten of the twelve sat in the living room, a, somewhat, peaceful silence fell around them. The boys and Uncle Al drank beer, Chop's gran named Margret drank a cuppa and the girls drank alcopops. Josie and Chop's granddad were in the kitchen, clearing up and Izzy... Well, nobody had saw Izzy since they came home.
Finn loosened his tie and let out a sigh of content, Archie began tapping the lid of his beer can with his thumbs before saying aloud to no one in particular, "Sooo... Lovely service wasn't it?" Everyone shared a nod of agreement, one or two of them chiming in a 'Yes' and a 'Yeh, it was beautiful' etc. Finn drank in Margret over his beer can as he took a swig of his drink, she was nothing like his gran. His gran was cool and laid-back, if she was here then she'd makes jokes about the whole thing - nothing too offensive - and you'd never shut her up. But with Margret, well it was more like having the Queen in the room and not someone's Nan. Even her posture was in a perfect manner, well compared to his slumped and hunched back anyway.
Finn then scanned the room, struggling to hold back an eyeroll when his attention landed on Chop's cousin; who was twirling a strand of her hair as she eyed him hungrily and her dress had now rided up to mid thigh as her legs were crossed. "Has anyone seen Izzy?" Piped up Chloe, which caused everyone to toss a clueless glance between one another; answering Chloe without actual confirmation.
Margret then gave out a scoff of disgust, "That girl, always wandering off and always leaving us to clean up the mess. That girl will be the death of Arnold's mother", "That girl has a name", Bit back Archie, which caused everyone to look at him with a look of surprise; which caused Margret to eye him before tutting and mumbling, "Hmm", At her response, Archie could feel his nails digging half-moons into the palm of his hand; anger pulsing through him. He'd never thought about hitting a pensioner, nor having the urge to.
Archie, feeling awkward, rose to his feet and coughed, "I'm gonna go the toilet", Before then exiting the room with the feeling of eyes burning into the back of his head, he made his way into the hallway, up and through to Chop and Izzy's bedroom. He need to get away from that sour old bat and find Izzy, she definitely hadn't left the house as someone would've spotted her and stopped her... Surely.
He checked Chop and Izzy's room, the smell of vanilla and faded CkOne aftershave drift around the room. He scanned the room only to have his search come back empty. He went to leave when he heard a sniff... It was low but Archie had definitely heard it. He then landed his gaze onto the wardrobe, it was tall, broad, white and glossy with a French-theme to it; judging by the fancy frame and handles of it. One of the doors was cracked open slightly, she must have been in there.
He slowly approached the wardrobe but once he got to it, he didn't open it. Instead, he rested his ear against it and breathed, "Iz?" He heard a sniff before a whimper of, "Wha'?" A relief ran through him and he felt all tension leave his body before he asked, "Y' alright?" She then sniffed some more and bit back, "Fuckin' fantasic", He shut his eyes as he let out a short but small laugh before reopening his eyes and asking, "Y' gonna come out any time soon?" There was a pause before she asked, "Do... Do I 'ave t'?" He shook his head but then realised she couldn't see him and quickly said, "No but... Look, can I come in? Or, can I at least open the doors? I feel a bit silly talkin' to a door", He heard her let out another sniff and laugh before he stood back as the doors slowly opened.
His heart heaved within his chest as he looked down at her, she wore Chop's Nike jumper and hugged a small, brown and scruffy teddy along wither her knees to her chest. She looked up at him, dabbing the small corners of her tear ducts with a crumpled bit of tissue; eyes all watery and puffed. Her nose looked all red and snotty, as if she was just recovering from a bad cold. She then looked up at him, hiccuping. He gave her a small and sympathetic smile before asking, "May I join you?" Raising his eyebrows. She then nodded as she looked at the tissue in her hands, sniffing some more.
He then sat down in the wardrobe, sitting before her; pushing some coats and dresses behind his head so he could see her. He slid his legs to either side of her as he was a bit longer than she was, well more than a bit... "So this is... Nice", He spoke, breaking the silence. As if it was perfect timing, a coat then floated in front of him; which caused Izzy to give out the biggest laugh he'd heard from her in a long time. He breathed a laugh before he tucked the coat back behind him.
It then grew silent, once again before Archie then spoke "Y'know, Iz, heartbreak is the worst feelin' in the world. It drags y' down to the darkest places of y' soul that y' never knew existed. But if y' strong enough, y' can pull y'self through it. I promise", Then they heard it, the faint sound of 'Champagne Supernova' And both of them sucked in a breath as the song blasted throughout the house. Izzy then burst into another fit of sobs, in which Archie took no hesitation into pulling her into his lap and the two let the lull of Oasis take over their silence...
That was it, it was all over. Chop was gone and now the gang had to move on, had to get on with their lives - no matter how empty they all felt.
It soon grew to five PM and the sun was beginning to set, coating a warm glow over the town. Rae scanned the living room, all but Finn were there. She and Johnny were sat on one side of the room, Johnny was swigging a beer and talking to Brogan. Rae then turned to Johnny and asked, "Where's Finn?" Johnny took a moment, his smile faltering as he grew serious, "He said somethin' about goin' 'ome", She nodded and waited a moment before rising to her feet and swiftly but sneakily leaving the room.
She took no time into leaving the wake and heading straight for the block of flats, the cool air nipping at her skin. She made it into the flat in record timing. She bustled in, using her key, closing the door behind her. She was greeted by a dimly lit flat, the only source of light coming from the flashes of the tv within the living room, Champagne Supernova aka Chop's song Lulled quietly throughout the living room. She then called out in a huff, "Finn!?" Her eyes glowered into hard slits as she rushed into the living room, and that's where she found him - sat on the couch and playing with a half-empty scotch glass. His face was netural but his unshed tears glistened under the bright light of the television. Relief washed over her and her shoulders dropped into a relaxed manner.
He sensed her presence but didn't look at her, instead he stayed still. His face contorted and he let out a sniff, his cheeks tear-stained and his nose, along with his eyes, stung and were tender whenever he would rub his sleeve upon his face to wipe away excess snot and tears - feeling rather heavy also, similar to when he would get hayfever in the summer. Rae then gently breathed out, "Finn", A moment passed before Finn let out a sniff, he cleared his throat and spoke; but still never looked at her, "Wha' y' doin' 'ere?" "Came t' see if y' were alright", She spoke timidly, unsure of which Finn she would get. He let out a spiteful but small laugh before he spat sarcastically, "Well, thanks, really. Now, as y' can see, am fuckin' fine and dandy. Now, if y' don't mind fuck off as I don't want t' see anybody", Although it was expected, his spiteful tone was still a surprise - but then again what was she expecting? He was grieving and she hadn't been the nicest of people towards him recently, of course he was going to be cold hearted. Although Rae knew Finn was best to be left alone, she couldn't help but let her caring side make the decisions for her - she knew she couldn't leave him.
"I can't leave y', Finn, not whilst y' like this I mean I know y' upset but so are we all an-" "I said am fine, Rae!" He huffed and looked at her, cutting her off. She sighed, biting back a sarcastic remark she so desperately wanted to retaliate with. A silence overcame the pair, Rae couldn't find the words and every time a sentence would actually form within her brain; her tongue would suddenly feel swollen and like a muscle block that would stop all forms of the alphabet from being spoken - since when was she "The blob with a gob" So quiet? Since when was she so terrible with words? She then broke the silence by simply stating, "I know 'ow 'ard it must be for y' and I do understand, Finn", Her words sounded alien to her, almost as if she was a ventriloquist's dummy and somebody else was doin' all the talking for her - somebody a lot more sensitive than she. She only then realised she had actually spoken those words when he scoffed, "Y' don't understand", His spiteful smirk dropped and his face grew serious before he bellowed as he rose to his feet and he looked at her and her heart sunk into the sadness that pooled away at the pit of her stomach as she took in his face and his heart broken expression, "NONE OF Y' UNDERSTAND", She flinched in surprise at his outburst, he then continued; his shouts echoing off the walls, "None of y' fuckers will ever understand. I sat there and watched him die, my best mate, Rae! I held him..." He took a moment as the memory flashed within his mind, before he continued, "I held him as he looked at me as he was dyin', so don't ever fuckin' sit there and dare say t' me y' understand, Rae. I don't even understand it, alright!? It kills me, every day as it's in me head from the moment I wake up till I fall asleep. I watched him die, how is that fair? Am I tha' much of a bad person?" She shook her head, "No, y' not, Finn. It just happened, y' not t' blame", He then snapped, "But it didn't happen to anyone, it happened to my best friend and y'know wha' the worst part is? The most fucked up part? I wish, for more than anything in the world... " His voice cracked as he continued, "Tha' it were somebody else", His tone began to soften as he continued, Rae watched with her mouth agape as she was unsure of what to say, "I just don't get it, Rae, I don't understand why he had t' die. Him, over every fucker in the world. Y'know, I never really understand death or any o' tha' bollocks; not until the moment I held it... I did everythin', Rae, I tried I really did" The two fell into another silence, thinking he'd finished; she rose to her feet and went to leave for the kitchen.
He frowned, "Where y' goin'?" "I were just goin' t' make a cup o' tea as y' looked like y' need one", The pair cracked a smile, she went to leave once more when he softly called out, "Rae", She turned and he approached her vastly before grabbing the back of her neck and connecting their lips. He held their embrace for as long as he could before she pulled away, scolding him, "Don't, Finn, it won't bring him back", Her words caused his chest to tighten, his face contourted before he then sobbed, "Rae, he... He left me" His face scrunched up before he whimpered, "Wha' am I supposed t' do now?" He then crumbled, causing Rae to pull him into her and that's when he cried. Really cried. The only sound came from was the radio as the lyrics took over Finn's brokenhearted sobs.
How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you when we were getting high?