Robin: Tactician, Gentleman, and Match Maker
Chapter 11: How did you know?
Everything had gone so smoothly that morning. Robin had awoken early so that he could run to the town and pick up a ring of some kind. He'd picked up a simple gold band and if Maribelle was correct in saying that any woman would be lucky to get one from him, then she should accept no questions asked. Then Robin would beg Chrom for a raise so that he could afford a diamond ring for the actual wedding ceremony. Robin had heard that people make a lot of money by performing sexual acts on animals and he was sure people would love to see him get steamy with Minerva should the whole raise thing fall through...
Disturbing thoughts aside, Robin was confident with how things were going to happen. Either he'd propose to the love of his life or he'd get denied and continue on with his life as a dull lifeless husk who would never know the love of a woman. No matter what happened, Robin was sure that he'd be able to lead a happy life. Unless Maribelle said no and he went with the husk thing. Otherwise it was going to be good. Or it was until Robin's nerves got to him and he decided to eat breakfast before he went on with his plan since Robin had oh so subtly suggested that the Shepherds rest for today instead of traveling. Then he ate some breakfast that appeared to have been scraped off of the road and into a pot of boiling feces. Then it happened.
The bandits that the Shepherds had dispatched yesterday had a few of their buddies away from the fight and after the carnage they apparently tailed the Shepherds. The fact that these were rookie thugs was very, very, VERY clear as they wanted to get some shut eye before attacking the Shepherds camp the night before and decided that they'd go for an all out assault when everyone was awake as opposed to them all being asleep and vulnerable. So a battle ensued and nothing really seemed out of the ordinary. Married couples quickly paired up and others who were very close such as Ricken and Miriel or Virion and Olivia did the same. Then Robin saw Stahl double over clutching his gut and he assumed that he'd been hit. Robin quickly escorted Lissa over to him so that she could quickly heal him. Robin was not about to let a good friend die today, but upon arrival both Lissa and Robin noticed that Stahl was lacking any sort of injury. Then Vaike and Sully both appeared to have the same injury as they were hunched over with sweat pouring down their paled faces. Suddenly Robin felt as if there was a pike being run through his gut that had been dipped in burning oil. Then he felt a very strange sensation running down both of his legs and Robin had figured out what exactly had happened.
Robin wasn't sure if the awful breakfast that lead to the giant mass of poo staining the backsides of many a Shepherd was a blessing in disguise or a horrid curse. One the one hand the bandits were so disgusted and horrified by the smell that the Shepherds who had yet to eat breakfast were able to easily dispatch them and capture some alive. On the other hand the Shepherds who had eaten breakfast were thoroughly embarrassed having made mud slides in their pantaloons and although they were assured by the cook and everyone who had avoided this catastrophe that no one would think poorly on those afflicted, they still walked away having taken a large blow to their pride. Of course Robin ran away in hopes that Maribelle would not see him in such a state as he was determined to still propose today.
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"Oy Robin, make with the telling to Kjelle that her cooking isn't so bad."
Robin just gave Gregor a dumbstruck look as both he and Gregor knew that statement was a crock full of what had come out of a lot of peoples rear ends that morning.
"Dad don't try to make me feel better about almost killing my comrades! I'm going to go train so that I'll be useful in some way."
With that Kjelle quickly dashed off in full armor and Gregor just sighed.
"Is only been few days and Gregor feel like taking care of daughter is giving his fiery mane some gray streaks. What should he do Robin?"
"You could ask Chrom since he has a daughter who has come back from the future as well. He would know much more about this kind of thing than me."
Truth is Robin had much more to worry about than Gregor's daughter issues and as cruel and douchey as that sounded, he needed to propose as he felt that he could never muster up this kind of courage again.
"Hm maybe Gregor will do just that. But maybe Gregor take nap first since today is day off. Sully has been keeping her husband up and he is starting to feel more like old man than the young devil he is. By the way, Gregor sees that Robin is acting most jumpy like man with squirrel in pants. Maybe is because Robin thinking of tying the knot with lovely lass that he is loving so madly hmmm?"
Robin stopped his constant fidgeting so that he could focus on what was being said.
"I can assure you that I don't have any clue what you're talking about and I'm as still as an owl in the night friend."
Robin then returned to scratching his nose, running his hand over his hair, and biting the last digits of each finger as he thought about how he might wimp out of his marriage proposal.
"Yes well Gregor looking forward to your lessons today and maybe what happens with beautiful Miss Maribelle yes? Maybe after today she no longer being Miss."
Before Robin could register what Gregor had said, the red haired mercenary had already left to do whatever it is he did in his free time. After his little comment about Sully keeping him up, Robin assumed it was her that he did in his free time. More importantly it seemed that Gregor knew a lot more than he should as Robin had kept his love for Maribelle a secret and he definitely didn't reveal his desire to marry her to anyone. Well anyone except Nowi, but Robin was fairly sure that she wouldn't tell anyone, why would anyone spread baseless gossip like that around anyway? Now Robin was off to tell Lissa about how Sully probably spanked Gregor into submission for all of the times that he beat her in their spars...
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"There you are Robin."
Robin was torn from the world map only to be met with the King and Queen of Ylisse along with their daughter who looked to be the same age.
"You appear to be hard at work with what appears to be a piece of celery and a statuette of an angel. Some sort of strategy you've been working on?"
Time to put Robin's masterful manipulation of words to work.
"You have no idea good sir. For you see, this plan here will change the very world as we know it. What I have been working on here is-"
"What appears to be a plan for a proposal."
"That is correct Lady Sumia, it is a plan for a- wait what?"
Robin now stared at Chrom, Sumia, and turned his gaze to Lucina as well to try and get a good grip on the situation. It could be coincidence that all three of them and Gregor knew that he might be proposing today despite the whole brown in pants situation. Or the NHK had been spying on him and was now using all of their resources to try and sabotage Robin and his plans for happiness! He quickly fled the tent in hopes that the pawns for this organization never got their hands on whatever information they wanted.
THUNK
Robin was so distracted by fleeing the Strategy tent that he didn't even notice the random suit of armor that had been standing in his way. He then saw that Donnie and Ricken were there with it and they all seemed more than eager to talk to Robin.
"Well heya Robin! Whatcha in such a rush to do there man?"
"Yeah Robin you definitely seem like you're in a hurry. What do you think Kellam? What could possibly be wrong with the Grandmaster of Ylisse?"
"I heard a bit of interesting news from Panne earlier. Maybe that will shed some light on what's going on."
Robin was becoming very distressed by what was going on, more and more people were coming to him with strange messages that clearly pointed to them knowing about his plans for proposing to and marrying Maribelle.
"Yes she said that Lissa had been going on with some useless banter about how her best friend would be getting married soon. Lissa herself saw the suitor in question this very morning buying a ring for his fair lady. Tell us Robin, do you know who this mysterious suitor may be? I heard he wears a very distinctive cloak with purple designs on it and that he was a great hero who masterminded the downfall of the Plegians."
"Well I dun heard that tha fella is bit thick in the skull since he still hadn't caught on to her feelings. I'd say that everyone in camp could see it clearer than when Cordelia still loved Chrom."
"You know Donnie, I heard that they spend a fair amount of time in each others company, what with 'Aristocrat' lessons and 'tea' time. You know Robin, I don't think Maribelle's father would be very happy to know that his daughter is giving out 'lessons' in the privacy of her tent every day. Oops I mean this mystery suitor and Lissa's best friend."
Robin was off again to try and escape this torment, the blur of faces and voices that all clearly knew that he was going to propose.
Sorry Sully, I didn't see you there
"Oh hey it's Ylisse's grandmaster and the Shepherd's latest lovebird. I hope that ring you got it good or you can go ahead and just marry the Vaike."
Lon'qu, Cordelia, I'm just off to plan some strategies
"Ooooh when you get married, maybe you will have tea with Lon'qu and I as two pairs of newly weds!"
"Dear, we're not supposed to reveal that we know..."
"Er right, I mean good luck with any endeavors you have planned Robin!"
Sorry Olivia and Virion I'm sort of in a hurry
"Ah yes the call of love is a strong pull indeed friend. I only hope that your efforts to woo the love of your life is an effort well worth your time! Just as my efforts to teach Olivia the art of dancing with two has been well worth my time."
"Virion why must you say such embarrassing things! It's one thing to say it to me alone, but with company. Oh I feel so embarrassed..."
"Robin..."
Robin turned to see that Tharja was now standing before him with a satchel filled to the brim with strange items, one of them appearing to be bat wings.
"Oh uh, hello Tharja. I need to be somewhere right now and I'll see you later so yeah."
"Hold on Robin."
Robin wasn't sure how, but Tharja had an iron grip on his arm and he felt that not even the fiery hands of hell itself could pry him from her.
"I need some of your hair."
Of all the things that had been said to him that day, Robin felt that this was by far the strangest of course. What could she possibly want with his hair?
"What could you possibly want with my hair?"
"I'm going to undo any hexes I've put on you. I need to be sure that your affections never belong to me, but to the woman you're supposed to give that ring to. Plus I need to undo the hexes so that the love potion I'm making for Vaike will work as well..."
Now she had that trademark grin that had the hairs on his neck standing on end. Her elongated nails and fire bursting from her eyes as she laughed maniacally didn't help either. Okay Robin made up the last part, but her smile was very unsettling. Now Robin was sprinting back through camp trying to dodge any and all of his comrades because he now felt like he was going insane. He was so sure that he had been furtive with his personal feelings and now everyone knew somehow. What's next, did they also know that he slept almost completely naked, only wearing his trademark cloak. Or maybe they'd figure out that the only bit of hair on his body was on the top of his head, his armpits, and around his other head. Robin knew that he wouldn't be safe in his own tent as anyone that needed him or wanted to deliver cryptic messages about how they knew that he had bought a ring for Maribelle would look there first. Instead he'd go to the one other place in camp where he felt safest.
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"Robin, I must say that I applaud your enthusiasm for our lessons in Aristocratic life, but why did you insist that we practice out here in the middle of a field?"
After bursting into Maribelle's tent and insisting that they do their lessons early today, he was able to convince her to get her horse and bring him out here into said field so that no one, not even Gaius could sneak up on him and spy on him and his business. Yes now no one could see into his mind or gain information for some evil overlord...
"Well, shall we conclude today's etiquette lesson here, then? You've been very patient Robin. Go on and rest up for tomorrow."
This was it. They were alone and Robin knew in his heart that she was the one. If it wasn't now then it would be never. If he didn't do this than he knew that he'd never be happy and even if she said no, he could still walk away knowing that he'd tried. Suddenly all of those weird comments from his friends were bringing him comfort as most had wished him luck after teasing him.
"Actually, Maribelle? I was hoping you could teach me one more thing..."
"Quite the eager student today, aren't we? Very well, what shall we cover?"
Robin was absolutely captivated by this woman, her magnificent brown eyes that shimmered in the sun, her turn of phrase that many found offensive, and her undeniable grace as she was the very definition of what a proper lady should be.
"Uh, how to give a present to a lady... Specifically a ring, yeah?"
Immediately the usual smile she wore had melted from her face and she adopted the whole imitation of a pissed off grizzly.
"WHAT?...*ahem* Since when is there a lady in your life, Robin?"
"For a while now actually."
"But...not a word of it to your dear friend Maribelle?! For shame! Name the strumpet! I'll see that she is... Er...*Ahem* I mean...that's fine. You are entitled to your privacy. But I'm afraid even I can't teach the proper etiquette in this case. For such matters, it's best to set protocol aside and show your feelings honestly."
Now it looked like she had tears welling up in her eyes and Robin knew that Nowi had been right. Relieved that he had his answer before he had even asked, he continued on so that he could clear the air for his hear broken bride to be.
"Oh, THANK Naga... Come here then."
"...I beg your pardon?!"
"Your hand. Give it here."
"Wh-what are you... Be gentle!"
Robin's hand was shaking almost uncontrollably as he almost failed to get her ring finger through the band that he'd bought for her that very morning. It had emptied his pockets of every thing that he considered valuable, but in this moment, right here and right now, he felt that he could have given the merchant both legs, one testicle, and his soul and he would have been perfectly satisfied.
"Aaaand there!...It looks good on you."
"...A gold band? Forgive me, but what is this precisely?"
Robin felt like he was going to empty his stomach from his mouth and from his south just like he had this morning. But he had come too far and he wasn't going to stop now. He'd think of the most eloquent way to tell her what his intentions were at this very moment while also admitting his adamant love for her as well.
"A proposal."
Okay he'd change it in the journal to be a bit better with Robin having saved her from like fifty bandits and a giant dragon. Plus Robin would have a six pack. Yeah that would be nice...
"As in marriage?! So then, the lady you were to give it to is..."
"Wearing it. Heh, when would I have had time to consort with some 'strumpet' anyway? Thanks to these etiquette lessons, I've been spending everyday with you, yeah?"
"Well, apparently it hasn't been enough- your proposal was most ungainly!"
Wow. That was a major blow to Robin's pride. She may as well have just said no...
"But it was also... wonderful. Oh, Robin you've made me so very happy."
Maybe he spoke too soon.
"...then your answer is yes?"
"Of course! I have the rest of our lives to shape you into my perfect gentleman."
"Ha ha yes! I can see that now, Robin: Tactician, Gentleman, and Match Maker. It has a nice ring to it right darling?"
"Whats this bit about being a match maker dear?"
Whoops. Robin may have dedicated his life to this woman just ten seconds ago, but he definitely wasn't about to reveal the match making half of his life until the journal was a best seller.
"Hey Maribelle there is something on your face."
"Wha-"
He then planted a kiss on her lips and of course she forgot about his little slip up instantly.
"Say Maribelle, why don't we head back to camp and enjoy a nice cup of tea as husband and wife?"
"I must say that you've come to know me very well darling. I'd love nothing more than to do so with you dear."
Yes Robin was literally the happiest man alive and he couldn't be brought down. No not even when every Shepherd had been sitting at the horse stables waiting for their return as they all shouted congratulations and showered the two with praise and lewd comments. Robin was sure that he could make dookie in his pants right now and he'd still be on cloud 9, although he wouldn't try his luck with his new wife.
"Okay Maribelle, you have to tell us ALL about it!"
"Yeah"
"Tell us!"
"It must have been so romantic!"
"Alright Lissa, if you and the others wish to know so badly, I won't leave you all disappointed. Although my husband and I promised each other that we'd celebrate our marriage with tea upon our return."
"Maribelle dear you can tell them the story now if you'd like. I have some business to attend to and we have plenty of time to share that tea."
After Robin's ears recovered from the incessant squealing that ensued with his approval of letting her tell the story, he immediately set out to find a certain woman...
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"Lucina!"
The blue haired princess had been at the little surprise for the two newly weds, but had opted to leave instead of listening to the story of how they came to be.
"Ah yes Sir Robi- I mean Robin. Good day to you. Congratulations again on your marriage."
Robin was treated to a rare smile as Lucina always had a grim look about her. But that wasn't what he was here for.
"You said that you'd been keeping track of children from the future correct?"
"Say no more sir. I know where this is going and I'm sorry to inform you that your children are the ones that I don't have an exact fix on. I'm sorry for my inability to find them."
"Don't apologize Lucina, I'm just happy to hear I have children! So I have multiple children then, correct? What are they like? What are their names?"
Robin felt like a child in a candy shop as he assaulted Lucina with questions about his progeny. He wanted to know all about them before he met them. Strangely enough, Lucina's smile had gone away and had been replaced by a grimmer than usual look.
"...I'm sorry Robin I misspoke. You have but one child and his name is Brady. He is a priest and has a heart that matches his fathers in caring for his friends and neighbors. He risks life and limb constantly to protect those that he cares for."
"Brady... What a wonderful name. I'm sure that he is a strapping young man just like his father eh?"
Robin was so excited that he didn't even notice that Lucina could barely even look at him. She was seriously debating on telling Robin the horrible truth about his other child. But he was so happy having just been married and learning of his son and she couldn't ruin it. More importantly, she didn't want Robin to know about how it was Lucina that sent his daughter, his pride and joy as she aspired to be a tactician just like him, on the mission that got her killed in the future that she was trying so desperately to stop.
"Once again, congratulations. I'll keep an ear to the ground for Brady's whereabouts. But for now you should enjoy being with Aunt Maribelle and return to her side soon as she tends to be very jealous of you when you spend time with other women. Although I'm Chrom's daughter, I don't think that would stop her from killing me if she suspected anything."
"Oh come now, she isn't really a jealous person is she?"
Lucina's unnervingly serious look suggested that Robin should tread carefully when talking to women who weren't Maribelle from now on.
"Okay I guess I understand being a little jealous, but she wouldn't kill someone right?"
"...in the future you are as much a hero as Chrom and the other Shepherds and many women would have loved nothing more than to steal you away from your wife. Although I heard that you'd never fall victim to such advances Maribelle was not one to take chances. Most women that came within a ten foot radius of you were met with a Thoron tome and a swift kick by her riding boots."
"You know, I just find that to add to her abundant charm. Well I'm going to inform her of our son now, thank you for telling me Lucina!"
Robin waved enthusiastically as he ran off to tell his wife the great news.
"Don't worry Lucina, I'm going to be a master tactician like my father! I'll get the Fire Emblem and be back here before you know it!"
"Alright Morgan, just make it back safely. You know that Castle Plegia is where Grima seems to be based in. Get the emblem and get out."
Morgan then turned to leave with Severa, Gerome, and Laurent in tow. She gave Lucina a wave that looked eerily like Robin did just now. Hopefully though, unlike Morgan this wouldn't be the last time that Lucina saw Robin...
Author's note: The whole business with Morgan dying just ties in with her coming from another timeline and gives male Morgan coming into the fray a bit more plausibility. It's nothing that will alter the story in any major way.