WDWG - Chapter 6: Healing
The crew all gathered around the fire. It wasn't a huge bonfire as Buffy had originally hoped, but it was big enough and it didn't block out the view of someone sitting opposite, which was good. Xander passed around sticks and marshmallows while Dawn helped get the rest of the s'mores supplies ready. Buffy decided that it would be best if the core four took opposite sides from each other, so she sat opposite the fire from Giles and Willow sat opposite from Xander. From there, the others got to choose where to sit. Dawn sat next to Buffy, Kennedy next to Willow, Faith and Robin in between Xander and Giles with Rona next to Faith. Andrew sat next to another girl between Willow and Buffy with the other girls filling out the circle.
Giles led a couple of campfire songs wishing he had his guitar, and the group fell into an easy camaraderie. When the singing and laughing died down a bit, one of the girls asked the Watcher, "How much longer are we going to be here?"
Giles cleared his throat, "At least one more day, I think. I know it's not ideal, but we're as comfortable here as we can be right now and there are some details that need to be flushed out. I want to make sure we know what we are doing before we descend on some unsuspecting hotel or something somewhere. It's good to have a plan and we're working through that." He glanced at Buffy, Xander and Robin. He knew, looking around at the expectant faces, that they all wanted a better answer, but he didn't have one to give quite yet.
Dawn noticed that Giles wanted an end to the conversation and piped up, "Last call for s'mores or plain marshmallows." With that, the din started back up again and Giles mouthed a thank you towards Dawn who just grinned, happy to help.
Once the last confection was eaten, the atmosphere grew serious and Buffy stood up. She looked out at the others, laying her hand on her sister's shoulder before starting. "I've been waiting all day for this time. We're all grieving. We all hurt. But we fought hard. We won. And we lived. We can be proud - so very, very proud! But we lost folks along the way and it is our turn to pay our respects to them. It could be your parents, your Watcher, a friend, a fellow Slayer, but we need to acknowledge their lives and contributions to the fight, be it the battle we fought yesterday or one of the many ones we fought to get here. I'll start and we'll go around the circle, and then I'll finish."
She looked into the fire and steadied herself, all eyes upon her. Nothing could be heard but the snapping and crackling of the fire for what seemed like an eternity. Then she lifted her head and spoke in a clear voice, "John Merrick, without you finding me to guide and train me so many years ago, I wouldn't be here today. You laid the foundation so that Giles could continue as my Watcher. I know your diary helped him understand that I was not the conventional Council Slayer and helped him to be the best Watcher a Slayer could ever have. Thank you for sacrificing your life for mine. It's always been painful, but I've lit a candle for you every year with the exception of the one when I... died. I know you loved me. I love you, John." A single tear ran down her cheek and Giles' heart broke for her. He knew she carried guilt over Merrick's death, but he hadn't known to what extent since she had never really talked to him about it.
After a few of the new Slayers took their turns, Andrew spoke about the girl who laid down her life in the vineyard Caleb hid out in, and also for his friend Jonathan.
When it was Willow's turn, she stood up and drew a deep breath. She had been crying over the others' eulogies, some people she knew and others she didn't, but the tributes had been so loving that it pulled at her even when she didn't know the person. She began in a soft but firm voice, trying not to cry, "I love you Tara, and I miss you so damn much every day! Ok, so maybe I shouldn't have said damn, but I do... miss you that is. Your gentle spirit touched us all and it was your quiet strength that got us through so much. I am sorry your life was cut short so early. There was so much left for you to do... for us to do. But I will never, never forget you and I know I'll see you again someday." Kennedy squeezed Willow's hand and then stood up and honored her Watcher as well.
Then it was Giles' turn. "I have a lot to say and I am sure I am going to be particularly verbose about it, so I apologize in advance. I've lost many people on my journey here. My mother, Randall, Jenny, several other friends. I've paid my respects to them in my own way over the years, so I want to take the time to honor the new losses in my life." He looked at Buffy and she gave a small smile in support. She knew this was going to be especially hard for him since he was such an intensely private man. Giles took a moment, just as those before him did, pulled off his glasses, and then spoke, "The Council had it's problems, but no one deserves to have their light extinguished through an act of terror. Many good people died the day the Bringers blew up the Council headquarters. Two, in particular: my father Thomas Edward Philip Giles and my sister Miranda Katherine Giles. My father was a successful active Watcher to his Slayer Emma Stanton, a formidable force of nature in her own right. They fought many battles before she lost her life in a common automobile accident. He then served on the Council Board and died trying to make changes to push the Council into the 21st Century. While we were not close, he was a good man and he supported me when he shouldn't have. My sister, Miri, God..." He paused, not wanting to lose his composure. Not yet, anyway, "Miri, she was everything a little brother could ask for. I never thought I'd lose her and not this way. But such is the way of things, I suppose. She saved me so many times, when I thought I would lose myself. And she indeed saved my life. Her work at the Council was paramount as well, her findings providing support for the changes my father brought forth to the rest of the Board. Because of them, it's an honor to be a Giles and I hope to continue to bring honor to the name, though I have stumbled so much along the way. I know they were proud of my achievements and so proud of Buffy, though they never met. Miri and Dad, I love you. Rest in peace..." His voice trailed off and he sat down staring into the fire, letting the tears flow with his head in his hands. Buffy watched him in agony. At that moment, all she wanted to do was just hold him.
Next it was Faith, "Umm, I know this is gonna be different, but this is what I gotta do. I screwed up so bad, but I am here. What I did yesterday and in the weeks leading up to it... they don't fix the badness I created long ago. I know that. I hurt so many people, people who treated me like family when I had none." She looked directly at each of the core four, her sorrow expressed in her soulful brown eyes. "But I gotta say that I need to honor Deputy Mayor Finch. He wasn't bad. He was doin' his job... workin' for a bad guy, yes, but I don't think he caught on that he was working for a bad man. It was easy to like Mayor Wilkins. He seemed so normal. But, yeah, he was bad." She shook her head trying to push the conflicting images and emotions out. "And Finch, he didn't deserve to die like that. It was an accident, but my actions afterwards... he didn't get the respect he deserved, the honor he should have gotten because of me. So, Mr. Finch, I am sorry. I am sorry for staking you, it was an accident and I should've listened to Buffy and Giles. I was young, scared, and oh so stupid. I should've come clean and let you have a proper burial with your friends and family. I am so sorry, just so, so sorry." She stopped and stared at the fire. Most of the newbies were shocked. They didn't know her history, just knew her as a rogue slayer who did something bad, but it was never brought to light before tonight.
Robin took her in his arms, placed a light kiss on her forehead, and helped her to sit back down. He then stood up and honored his mother. He also said a few words about the good man he learned was his mother's Watcher, who resigned his post and watched over him until his death at the hands of another vampire when Robin was eight. Then it was Rona's turn. She spoke of the two girls who fell at her side during the battle, recounting their bravery in the face of the enemy, how they had gotten to know each other in Slayer Central, and which flavors of ice cream were their favorites.
When it was time for Xander to speak up, he dabbed his sleeve at his eye and stood, "First, I want to talk about Jesse. He was my other best friend before Buffy arrived. He, Willow and I were friends from Kindergarten. He helped make life easier for me, cuz my home life was pretty bad even back then. It was like havin' a twin brother who could take away the bad stuff for a while. He was turned by a vamp just after Buffy showed up. But he's at peace now. Thanks, Jesse, for getting me through all those years." Then he took a deep breath, "Anya... God, how I messed it up so badly with you! But I loved you so much! I am sorry! You died a hero. My girl. I miss you, Ahn, so very much."
Soon it was time for Dawn. Her eyes were wet and she unashamedly stood up and took her place in front of the fire. "I know she wasn't my real mom. But in my memories... she's my real mom and I loved her. In the end, she knew that I wasn't hers, but she never treated me that way. And um, she was the best. Thanks for the girl talk and the hot chocolate without the little marshmallows and the undying love you gave me. I love you, Mommy!" And with that, she broke down. Buffy grabbed her and took her into huge hug. Dawn was now sixteen, but a girl is never too old to call her mom "mommy".
"That was beautiful, Dawn" She whispered into her sister's ear. Then she turned and faced the fire again, looking out into the faces of her family and comrades in arms. "There is one more hero to salute tonight. I know he was a figure of controversy, but in the end, he saved the world. Spike was an unwilling ally turned friend turned hero. He wasn't perfect and he did bad things, but when the world needed him, he took the amulet, eradicated the minions of the First, and closed the Hellmouth. Slayers, he was our champion and we should recognize him as such. To you, Spike, thank you for your sacrifice!" And with that Buffy sat down and shed more tears.
The circle broke and many were hugging and crying together. After a few minutes, a beautiful baritone/tenor voice started singing Danny Boy and all quieted to listen. Even though it was an Irish song, the Englishman felt it was an appropriate tribute to mourn those lost. Buffy watched him from across the flames. When he was done, Giles stood and made his way over to Buffy, pulling her into an embrace and sobbed. She wept with him and they sat down gently onto a log and held each other. Dawn, Xander, and Willow joined them offering comfort and support as well. It was a night to heal.
As the fire died down, more and more of the group left the circle. Robin was feeling well enough to join Faith in her tent, neither wanting to be alone, and soon it was just Xander, Dawn, Willow, Buffy and Giles sitting in front of the fire. Xander got up and added a couple more logs to the fire before rejoining his family. There was a peaceful quiet amongst the camp now. Everyone was emotionally drained after the memorial service.
Giles still held Buffy tightly but the others had moved, keeping close, comforted by each other's nearness. No one commented on Giles and Buffy, there was no need to. It seemed so natural, like they had always been together. Finally Dawn stood up yawning and turned to Willow and Xander, "Can I bunk with one of you tonight? I think we pitched my tent on an old quarry or something, I can't seem to get comfortable."
Willow hugged Dawn close, "Sure. There should be enough room."
"Should we pull one of the slayers for guard duty?" Xander asked.
Willow spoke up first, "Kennedy's gonna handle it tonight, she just wanted an hour to catnap. You guys ok until then?"
"We'll manage, Will." Buffy replied. "Thanks." They said their goodnights and the Watcher and his Slayer were left wrapped up together before the fire. "How's your cute British arse, Giles? Do we need to move to a more comfortable position?" They were silent for a moment before Buffy's eyes went wide and she exclaimed, "Oh God! I so did not mean how that came out."
Giles started giggling again trying not to disturb the camp, "Dear Lord, woman!" He pulled her closer to him. "My arse is fine, now be quiet and let me hold you, or we will have to change positions." He nipped at her ear with his teeth and she giggled and wriggled, teasing a little in his embrace. He gave her a soft playful growl as they watched the fire. "Will you join me tonight, Buffy? I know now is not the time or place, but I don't want to let you go."
She shifted a bit to snuggle into his chest, "Mmmm, yeah, I will. I don't know about you, but I am exhausted. I could fall asleep right here."
"I'm knackered as well, it's been very emotional on many levels. Why don't you get your sleeping bag and a change of clothes and bring them to my tent. I'll be there as soon as Kennedy arrives to take over watch."
"Nope, not letting go until I have to." She mumbled into his broad chest. Resting her cheek against a well developed pectoral, she enjoyed having his strong arms around her. They made her feel girly, despite her Slayer strength.
Just then Kennedy walked up and sat down beside them, dispensing with the formalities. "Couldn't sleep, so I figured I would show up early. Go on, off to bed with the two of you."
Giles and Buffy stood up, getting ready to go. "If you get tired, Kennedy, feel free to wake us up, we'll relieve you," the gentleman offered.
"Nope, no way. Get some sleep. That won't be an issue. I'll get someone if I need backup. You both deserve some time off." The cocky Slayer winked and turned her back to them, pulling out a knife to sharpen the piece of wood she had in her hand into a stake.
Buffy left Giles to go grab her stuff. Not that there was a lot to get, just a few toiletries, a change of clothes, her sleeping bag, and the pad to go underneath. When she reached Giles' tent, she handed him her sleeping bag and he easily zipped the two bags together. Suddenly feeling a bit shy, Buffy looked at the ground, "Umm, I don't have any pj's to sleep in."
"Right, uh, I don't either. But then, I usually sleep in a t-shirt and shorts"
"Well, that answers that question..." Buffy grinned.
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing, Giles. Uh, so um, which side of the sleeping bag?"
"Doesn't matter. I'll turn off the torch and we'll get ready for bed, shall we?"
"Ok."
It was dark. The moon was out, but their eyes still had to adjust. Also, there wasn't much room in the tent. Giles, being taller, had commandeered a 3 person tent with a storage "room". Neither of them could stand up straight in it and so trying to get undressed, in the dark, with little room turned out to be a comical exercise. They finally managed it, but not without bumping into each other a few times. With a slight grin, Giles settled into the sleeping bag. "Come here, love."
As she slipped into the bag to settle next to him, he noticed that she was wearing a spaghetti tank top that rode to just above her belly button, her panties, and nothing else. With a shaky sigh, he pulled her close as she nestled her head into his shoulder and pressed her body up next to his. He breathed in her scent, one he could easily recognize blindfolded 100 yards away: honeysuckle and vanilla and something... uniquely Buffy. She was intoxicating and he in heaven.
Buffy was lost in the sensation of being held by Giles. Of course, she spent several hours in his arms earlier throughout the day. But lying within his embrace, alone, knowing she was going to wake up next to him was blissful. "God, this feels so right, Giles." She moved so that she could see him as her eyes finally adjusted to the dark. The glow of the moonlight through the tent walls played off his handsome angular face and she gently kissed his cheek, moving towards his mouth. He anticipated her and their mouths met in a searing kiss, his hands moved underneath her shirt caressing her taut stomach. Feeling the healing scar from where she took the sword during the fight with the First, he pulled away to examine it more closely. He should have done it yesterday, but he had been too caught up in his drama and the events of the day. "Does it hurt?"
"Not anymore."
He moved over her and felt the back. "Dear Lord! You didn't tell me you were run through. Buffy!" He glared at her, his distress showing plainly in his eyes.
"Umm, by the time I got to the bus, it had pretty much closed up. I think either the scythe or the magicks had something to do with it. I've never had an injury that severe and recovered that quickly before."
Giles paled looking up at her, "I could have lost you again."
"Sshhh, Giles. I am here. I am here." He grabbed onto her for dear life, nuzzling his face into her neck, trying to control his emotions.
If Buffy had any doubts as to her discussion with Faith earlier, Giles' reaction to her injury solidified her decision. She pulled his head up and gently moved to kiss his lips and jawline, repeating her mantra, "I am here" in between the kisses, soothingly running her hands through his soft hair.
"I don't think I can go through that again, Buffy." Giles said sadly. "I know it sounds silly, we've been under this threat everyday for the last seven years, but when you..."
She stopped him with another kiss. "We won't, Giles. Never again. I wanted to talk to you about it tomorrow, but now seems like the right time."
"What is it?" He asked scanning her eyes.
"Well, this decision does concern you as well, since you are my Watcher. And I don't want you to think I am avoiding responsibility." She said running her hands along his chest. "I want to retire from active duty. I am tired of it all. If I am needed for a fight, then we can discuss it, but I've had my fill of apocalypses, demons, vampire dust in my hair, and death in general. I think I can serve in a different capacity. What do you think?"
Giles let out a breath. He had considered offering her retirement, but he felt it was something she should bring up herself. In the end, he would have supported any decision she made, he knew that, but now that she was his, he wasn't sure if he could handle that constant fear plaguing him day in and day out anymore. "I think that's perfect." It wouldn't save her from everything, after all, his father's Slayer had died in a car accident and his mother died of cancer, but it did remove her from the immediate danger every night on patrols. He relaxed, and Buffy snuggled into his chest feeling at peace, knowing she'd made the right decision. They fell asleep entwined in each other's arms.