A/N: I am so very sorry that this took so long. It is so late. I had some family drama complete with some dog drama and and narrowly avoided another family crisis with my brother tonight. But hopefully the next chapter will NOT be that delayed. I hope you guys enjoy this and I hope it was worth the wait!
This week's was requested from VoicesOffCamera
Thank you guys so much for reviewing and following and favoriting and reading. I never imagined this story would go over so well. I really appreciate every one of you. You are constantly making my day and I love you all. I have a ton of requests and I promise I will do them all and I love getting them. so remember that you can leave them in the reviews or by messaging me. :) thank you guys.
Story Twelve
Ponyboy and Sodapop
"I can be your brother"
Thump, thump, thump.
Soda stared up at the ceiling as he watched the baseball fly back toward his face. He reached up and caught it swiftly before throwing it back at the ceiling. He felt like he was going to be sick. Why was everything falling apart? He had hoped to never feel like this again after his parents died. He hated it. He hated being upset constantly and not knowing the way out of the darkness. He started throwing the ball faster.
If Sandy never came back…
Thump, thump, thump.
If Ponyboy didn't recover…
Thump, thump, thump, thump.
If they were taken from Darry…
Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.
The ball sped back toward him and hit him in the cheek. With a short curse, he leaped to his feet, rubbing his cheek. I suppose that's what I get for moping. It took him less than a second now that he was standing to decide what to do with himself. With a last glare at the ball sitting on the couch and jogged down the hall, grabbing the door frame to pull himself back when he went a door too far.
He poked his head in the room and felt his face soften immediately. There was Ponyboy, fast asleep on the bed. He slowly stepped into the room, not taking his eyes off of his little brother. He remembered when Ponyboy was born. He was early and there had been some concern. But everything had gone just fine, even if Ponyboy was a tiny thing.
Soda took another step into the room, watching as Pony took a slow breath in his sleep. He watched his brother's chest rise and fall and thought about how he had felt when he had seen Pony crumble to the ground after Dallas was shot. His heart had stopped in his chest for the third time that night and he had stared in horror before throwing himself towards the heap on the pavement.
Everything had been in slow motion. He hadn't felt like he was moving at all and it felt like five minutes had passed before he finally knelt beside him. He remembered Darry's stricken and terrified face and Pony's motionless one. After all of the tragedy of the night, Soda had been certain they'd lost him. He'd looked over him for a stray bullet or a knife wound from the rumble. But there was nothing.
Now here they were. Sodapop slowly wandered toward the desk, feeling oddly awkward. What were you supposed to do at someone's bedside? His eyes wandered to the desk and passed over it briefly. There was a copy of Gone With the Wind that Johnny had left him, a folder of some homework, a text book, and several novels.
Soda pushed a few aside and gazed down at them. Catcher in the Rye, Flowers for Algernon, A Tale of Two Cities, and Jane Eyre. Soda hadn't read any of them but he had the vague feeling from things he'd heard that many of them were aimed for people that were older than Ponyboy. But this was Ponyboy. He was smart enough.
Soda looked over at his brother's sleeping form and a rush of fondness rushed over him. Ponyboy was something special, a light in the darkness that needed to be protected. He would do anything to draw him back to a healthier state. He'd do anything to help him. Anything to keep him comfortable.
He hesitated, eyes flickering back to the books. He remembered when he was ten and had broken his leg and Ponyboy had sat in a chair by the bed and read to him from one of his books. Soda had been asleep in minutes but it had been one of the best sleeps he'd ever had. It was safe and warm and relaxing.
Well, that was that. This is what Pony would want more than anything and he was going to do it.
He grabbed a book at random and sat in the chair. He opened the book and instantly felt silly. What was he doing? He didn't read. What if someone came in?
Then they'll see you being a good big brother. Suck it up, Curtis.
With a sigh, he began to read, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of w-wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the"- he squinted at the page – "ep- epo- epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incre- Oh son of a bitch." He ran a hand over his face. "It was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way…" He managed to get through a couple of pages before he heard a glorious sound coming from the bed:
"Soda?"
Soda jumped and dropped the book. His face lit up as he saw green eyes blinking at him. "Ponyboy!"
"Hi, Soda. Were you reading Charles Dickens?"
"I was trying." Soda picked up the book and set it on the nightstand. "How are you feeling?"
"M'okay." Ponyboy sat up and Soda immediately leaned over to prop his pillows against the bed. Pony leaned against them with a murmur of thanks.
Soda reached over and began to play with Ponyboy's covers as he watched his little brother. "Are you sure you feel okay? Do you want something to eat?"
"Nah." Pony watched him for a moment. "Hey, Soda?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
Soda blinked at him. "What?"
"What's wrong?" His younger brother's eyes tore into him curiously.
"I… Nothing." He leaned forward. "I'm fine."
"You're playing with the sheets. You do that when you're anxious or upset about something. I ain't stupid. I know you."
Soda immediately pulled his hand back, feeling himself pale ever so slightly. He didn't want to talk to his little brother about his issues. There were times when he felt agitated that he couldn't because he wasn't listening but this was different. Pony was sick. He didn't need to deal with his troubles. "I'm fine."
"You can talk to me."
Sodapop shook his head. "Don't worry."
"I'll worry less if you tell me," Pony said stubbornly, staring at him intensely. Soda tried not to heave a sigh. He should have known Pony would never have dropped it. He could tell him basics without going into it too much. It'd make him happy at least. He reached to flush Pony's pillow. "You miss Sandy," Pony said quietly.
Soda froze, hand still in mid air, eyes fixed on the pillow behind Ponyboy's head. He felt his heart pounding away but didn't feel like he could move an inch. He was Sodapop Patrick Curtis. He always pulled himself together. He was never transparent. People could never tell when he hurt and if they did they never knew exactly why he was hurting.
Slowly, he pulled his hand back and considered lying. He considered lying and pretending he didn't hurt at all. He wanted to say that he didn't care that she didn't return his feelings and that he didn't mind that she had turned own his offer of helping raise the child.
"Yeah," he finally whispered. "I miss her."
"I'm sorry."
Soda felt a bitter smile curl half of his mouth up. His little brother who was so sick he was bed bound, who had just seen three people die before his eyes, who had suffered a concussion in a fight that he shouldn't have been in was sorry for him. "I'm fine." He waved his hand, trying to pass for indifference.
"You ain't okay. So knock it off."
The hard tone in Pony's voice made Soda's eyes snap to him in surprise. Pony never raised his voice, not to him anyway.
"Stop saying you are. You can talk to me."
Soda took a deep breath then whispered, "She wouldn't marry me." He stared at the wall. "She wouldn't marry me. I wanted to. I wanted to help her. I wanted to be there. I wanted to have a part in it. I wanted to… I wanted to be with her." I didn't have to.
"She's like poison," Soda murmured, feeling the anxiety that she wouldn't take him back and the sorrow that he hadn't been enough turning into a quiet anger. "Or a snake that you don't think will bite. And then… I thought she loved me." His voice cracked and Soda nearly winced at the sound. He was supposed to be the strong one. He was supposed to have it all together. And yet here he was, ranting to a 14-year-old boy with bigger problems.
"I think she did…"
Soda met his younger brother's eyes. Pony was looked at him sympathetically but his gaze was strong. It was telling him that she did. It was telling him that he was loved even if she didn't. It was telling him that the world was going to right itself.
"What if she didn't?" His voice sounded like that of a lost man not a sixteen-year-old boy. He wanted to wince again. His pain was not so bad. He should not be wallowing.
"You'll find someone better. Who does and ain't gonna stop."
Soda wet his lips and looked at the floor. "What if I ain't deserving?"
"Soda, if anyone deserves to be happy it's you."
Soda made a disbelieving noise in the back of his throat. "Pony, you're the one really hurting right now and here I am…"
Pony gave him an incredulous look. "That's what's bothering you? Soda, you never let us see when you're hurt, unless you honestly never hurt. I ain't about to believe that. You can hurt and you can show it. We love you. It don't make you less deserving. You deserve the greatest love in the world, a love like Mom's and Dad's. You never show us you hurt. You always hide it so that we can focus on our issues. You're brave and good. You deserve happiness."
Soda stared at him. Pony really did love him. He knew, of course he knew. He knew that Pony looked up to him but in dark times like these hearing it confirmed was the best feeling in the world.
Ponyboy leaned over and hugged him close. Soda sagged against him, overwhelmed with his exhaustion of fear and grief and missing Sandy. He slowly hugged his little brother back, taking comfort from his presence. He closed his eyes and worked to fight back the tears. Maybe his brother wanted to comfort him but that didn't mean he had to cry. He didn't want to show that much weakness.
He slowly pulled away, looking at Ponyboy. His brother was obviously tired. Soda pushed his hair back and gently pushed his little brother back against the bed. "Get some sleep," he said softly. He couldn't do anything for Dally or Johnny. He couldn't do anything more to win Sandy back. But he could be a big brother. That made him feel worth something more than anything else in the world could.
Pony mumbled protest but his eyes closed almost immediately. He breathed something so quietly that Soda had to bend down. "What?"
"Can I ask a favor?" Pony mumbled.
"Anything." Soda smiled. "Maybe I can't fix all of this but… but I can help you."
"Will you read to me?"
Soda smiled. It wasn't his favorite thing in the world but he liked that Pony was so appreciative that he had tried to read to him. Soda picked up the book and found his place. He began to read and then stumbled on words soon after starting. "Damn it," he muttered.
Pony cracked a smile and cuddled his blankets to him.
Soda felt his own smile grow slightly and continued on until his little brother was asleep. Yes. Yes, this he could do.