Serena was angry no she was worse than angry, Nate brought his girlfriend out on a play date with Henry. That was her thing to do with him and their precious nephew, and now this new girl was just going to butt into their lives like that and take her place next to Nate. Ok so she couldn't be out rightly angry with him because she married Dan but she didn't flaunt Dan in Nate's face, she didn't bring him out on Godparent dates with Henry. Now she was working herself up again because dammit this was her Nate time and even though she didn't want to admit it back then she's admitting it now, it was her favorite afternoon of every week because she got to spend it with her two absolute favorite boys in the world, just don't tell Erik.
Serena sighed and sunk further into the bench as she watched Nate throw Henry into the air and catch him again while waiting for Lauren to pay for their ice-cream and get back to them. Serena politely declined taking a walk to the truck saying she was tired and she was, Blair kept her up half the night because Chuck was going God knows where to handle an emergency before the baby, who was already a few days over due, made his grand appearance. She was a little irritated at Henry as well and that was a hard thing to do because the little boy had a crush on Nate's girlfriend, sure she was pretty and her father owned some sort of candy factory so she could get Henry whatever he wanted but Serena was the one there for him since his birth, hell she'd been there since he was just a tummy bug before Blair found out the truth.
Serena shook her head and bit her bottom lip as she watched Nate and Henry smile at Lauren as she handed them their cones and they started making their way back to her. Serena took a deep breath and thought back to her conversation with Blair.
"She's delightful S," her best friend threw out. "But she's not you, Henry knows it and Nate definitely knows it, miss fake blond won't be around long enough to for any real damage to happen, speaking of real damage, how did your lunch with Dan go?"
Serena scowled at her best friend but shrugged and looked down at the counter she was leaning on. "It went ... ok, I mean I don't completely understand his whole "Our hears weren't in it" and "Our relationship had run its course" speech but it's all over and right now I don't even care."
"Thinking about Nate?" Blair asked smirking and Serena rolled her eyes. "Well now you know how he felt."
"Thanks B, I didn't need the guilt trip," Serena mumbled biting her lip.
"You did and now that it's over stop sulking around here like a five year old and do something about your new found realizations and singledom," Blair said smiling.
"Aunty S, Aunty S," Henry called breaking Serena out of her deep thought. "Were you sleeping?"
"No sweetie, I was just thinking about something your mom said earlier," she said smiling as she pulled the child onto her lap, immediately feeling better. Nate and Lauren were talking and walking slowly toward their bench and Serena just wanted the ground beneath her feet to open up and swallow her, she did not want to be here right now.
"What did momma say?" Henry asked curiously and Serena squeezed him before replying.
"She said that I should stop sulking and have some fun," Serena said and Henry nodded like he agreed.
"Are you sad because of Dan?" he asked quietly and Serena felt this conversation get way to deep to have with a four year old.
"No," Serena said with an air of pride. "I'm not sad at all anymore, you know why?"
"Why?" Henry asked and then burst into surprised giggles when Serena tickled him.
"Because you make me happy and I'll never be sad with you around," she told him and Henry giggled and nodded taking a bit of his ice-cream and smearing it on her nose.
Serena gasped at the cold feeling and was about to do something when Nate stopped her. "Hey no ice-cream fights without me," he said laughing.
"No ice-cream fights at all right now," Lauren said smoothing Nate's tie. "We need to get back to work."
"Maybe next time," Nate said and he and Henry both frowned, Serena shook her head and wiped her nose with a tissue.
"We should probably get going as well," Serena said when she noticed the time. "We promised Blair we wouldn't stay away from her for too long in case something happens."
"Baby Bass number two is taking his own sweet time," Nate said as they started to walk. "Not everyone can be like our Henry, right on time."
Henry looked up at his uncle curiously, "Uncle Nate is just saying that you are awesome," Serena offered when she saw the look on her Godsons face and the little boy smiled widely at them.
"Bye little man," Nate said giving Henry a hug and twirling him around before setting him down so he could hug Lauren while Serena seethed silently at how easily he took to this new person. "See you soon S."
"Bye," Serena said waving slowly.
"Race ya," Henry screamed as he started sprinting toward the gate and Serena groaned, she was wearing the wrong shoes for this, will she ever learn.
"This is exhausting," Blair said when she sat. "I haven't been this immobile since the car accident."
"And that was a very scary time, don't remind me," Serena said poking Blair's tummy.
"It's like I'm making it too comfortable for him," Blair said glaring down at her tummy. "The doctor said to give him another week, but I don't think I can handle another hour."
"B calm down, you aren't even supposed to be moving around as much as you have," she said. "Maybe they were wrong about his due date, it's only been a few days."
"A few days too long," Blair complained and Serena smiled. "This is not funny."
"What's not funny?" Chuck asked walking toward them with his briefcase and coat.
"You are not supposed to be leaving now," Blair scolded and Chuck winced.
"I'll leave you to say good bye," Serena said standing to hug her brother. "Try to be back soon."
"I'll be home tonight if I can," Chuck said to her and then turned to Blair who was not happy about him leaving her in the state she was in.
Serena walked out of the apartment and stretched her body, it was strange not having anything to do, Chuck requested that she stay with Blair for the past week until the baby came so she didn't have to go to work, Henry was at playschool, it's not like she could pop in and check on Dan anymore, she would love to call her brother but Erik had just started a new job and the last thing he needed was to be talking to his failure of a sister during work, and she hadn't had a proper one on one conversation with Nate since she signed her divorce papers. That left her wondering around the city with nothing really to do, oh how the mighty have fallen, she thought to herself.
Walking past the cafe she thought about her last conversation with Dan, everything was processed and the divorce was finalized without them even seeing each other, neither put up a big fight so everything went by quickly, and then he decided they should meet.
"I was surprised when I got your call," Serena said when he sat down in front of her.
"I was surprised I called you, and actually came," he said. "Serena I feel like I owe you an explanation."
"Getting right to it," she mumbled to herself and took a deep breath. "Well explain."
"It's not my fault," he said and she was about to speak when he spoke again. "It's not yours either."
"Then whose fault is it Dan?" she asked exasperated.
"It's neither of our faults and both of ours," he said and she looked at him completely confused. "I know I'm not making sense but we aren't, we haven't been making sense for a while now and I thought marriage would fix that... I obviously didn't think that one through."
"Obviously," Serena huffed out looking away.
"Serena after that last break up you were slipping away from me so fast that that was the only thing I could think of to do," Dan said, choosing to ignore her sarcasm and continue with what he was there to say.
"The only thing you could think to do was propose?" Serena almost screamed, but settled for hissing at him in the crowded cafe.
"Well it worked didn't it? For a while, we were together and happy, and after we came from the honeymoon you started slipping away from me again and that's when I really thought about it and I realized that our relationship had run its course, we were married but we were living such separate lives that it was hard to keep up."
"We could have worked through it Dan," Serena said pushing her fingers against her head, if our hearts were in it, she thought.
"That's the thing, I don't think we could have," Dan said softly looking down at the table and Serena's frown got deeper. "We ... We were holding on to our own ideas of each other and neither of us could live up to who we were before."
"So why explain this now and not when you mailed the divorce papers to me," Serena said, her eyes flashing with anger because he completely blindsided her then and she could have used the reasons when she was trying to figure out what happened.
"I couldn't explain it to you then, I just knew that being married was suffocating and it made me angrier with you every time I knew I wasn't who you wanted me to be, it was easier to not have to explain it," he said taking a breath. "Now that it's all over and I've looked back on it, I can see how heartless that made me seem and I thought I should at least fix that before we go our separate ways."
"We'll still see each other Dan, our families are friends, your sister works for my sister-in-law," Serena said trying her hardest not to clench her jaw and scolding herself for not seeing everything that he saw.
"But now it's really over," he whispered and gave her a small smile, reaching out to place his hand over hers. "Now when we are at those parties we'll be just friends, when we speak there won't be any lingering tension or feelings because we both know exactly how over this is."
"Miss van der Woodsen," someone exclaimed and Serena looked up startled. "I wasn't expecting you today."
"Neither was I actually," Serena said shaking her head, she'd been so lost in thought that she didn't even realize where she ended up. "I'm sorry I should go."
"Serena," his voice said effectively stopping her from making a quick exit. "Tina, please send this back to Molly," he said before turning back to her. "What are you doing here?"
"Leaving, just leaving," Serena said turning to him and swinging her arms awkwardly. "I should ... go."
"Wait, come in, there must have been a reason you ended up here," he said cupping her elbow gently to guide her to his office and Serena gasped and held her breath, wondering if he could feel her heart beating twice as fast as it was before he touched her. "You ok?"
"Chuck was leaving so I thought I'd give him and Blair some time alone before he goes," Serena said looking down and taking a breath.
"When's he coming back?" Nate asked sitting down behind his table and motioning that she sit as well.
"Friday hopefully," Serena said and frowned, how was he being so normal, usually its him wanting to talk about it and her trying to play it cool and avoid talking at all. "Blair's losing her mind but she's just exhausted."
"Serena, are you sure you're ok? Yesterday you were spacing out on us as well," Nate said staring at her with a concerned look.
"I really was tired then, Blair was up all night convincing herself not to induce labor until Chuck gets back home," Serena said with a shrug and Nate nodded but pulled his eyebrows together and Serena sighed gathering her courage. "I'm sorry about the other month, I shouldn't have freezed you out like that Nate, I'm so sorry."
"It doesn't matter though right? I've got Lauren and you've got Dan?" Nate asked, resentment edging into his voice and Serena frowned.
"What are you talking about?" she asked completely confused now. "Dan and I got divorced, you own the freaking paper that published the story."
"Didn't look that way when you were holding his hand the other day," Nate spat out and Serena shook her head with a humorless laugh.
"Are you serious?" she asked incredulously. "I hadn't spoken to him since he sent me those divorce papers, I wanted answers from him and he finally met with me after the whole thing was over, we talked about it, he explained, I tried to understand and then he held my hand when he was saying goodbye Nate, you do not get to judge my relationship with him. It's over."
Nate didn't apologize, he just nodded and looked down. "I shouldn't have brought it up, I doubt that what you wanted to talk about when you came in here."
"I don't even know how I got here," Serena mumbled and then stood up, causing Nate to as well. "I shouldn't have come."
"Serena wait," he said reaching out to touch her hand and stop her. "I'm sorry, ok? I know I haven't been someone you could count on for a while but I promise I'm here now, if you need to talk to someone, I'll be here."
"Always," Serena said more to herself then to him, echoing her last word when she said the same thing to him at a party, years ago. "I haven't stopped thinking about that night."
Nate abruptly let go of her hand and Serena winced when he moved to the other side of the room, as far away from her as possible. She didn't let that or his silence stop her though, she had to get this out before she lost her courage, it was what Blair told her to do when they spoke about her and Nate.
"I don't regret it," Serena says turning to face him so she could look straight at him, so he'd know that she wasn't lying. "It probably could have happened under better circumstances and I probably shouldn't have asked you to leave the way I did the next morning but I don't regret it, it's all I could think about, it's what's been getting me through this mess, it's the fact that you loved me Nate and you still do."
"What's different about this time?" Nate finally asks. "You knew how I felt every other time, you didn't seem to regret it then either, but you went straight back into Dan's arms before I could question anything, so how is this time any different."
"Because this time I'm sure I love you and I know that I've been so so stupid for ignoring these feelings before but I know how I feel," she said with tears in her eyes and her heart beating straight out of her chest. "I know that I've loved you for a really long time and I've stopped ignoring it, it's always been you Nate and I'll wait until you find it in your heart to forgive me and give us another chance because we deserve it Nate, we're meant to be."
Nate stared at Serena open mouthed, he tried to come up with something to say but his mind refused to let him do anything but gape at her. He'd been waiting for those words to come out of her mouth for such a long time and she's said it with such conviction that he knows that she's not lying, that she's finally figured out what he's known all along. But can he forgive her for everything she put him through? Can he survive another heart break at her hands?
The shrill ring of the phone jolts them out of their staring match and Nate answers quickly, happy to have a moment to himself. He answers a few of his assistants questions and puts the phone down ready to say something back to Serena, but when he puts the phone down she's gone and he's left wondering whether or not the sincerity he felt when she just spoke to him is worth the risk.
A/N: Sooooooo that's chapter 10, yey I didn't take disastrously long with this one :D
So DS spoke so theres no what ifs and unresolved issues there and Serena knows how she feels and sure I think I could have handled that better but I like how its turned out, it feels like its right, I dont know, what do you guys think? Should Nate hurt Serena like shes hurt him or should he just be honest with himself and go after his girl?
Thank you guys so much for the reviews and follows and favorites, they make me happy
I will try and get the next chapter out soon but my muse is so unpredictable that I have no idea if updating before next month will happen, Please review and let me know your thoughts and predictions and ideas, I love knowing what you guys think
Until Next Time (^^,)