Chapter 4 – Emotions

Sneaking out of bed, it went to get into the shower. My body numb with emotions as the warm water rinsed around me, it was a night of restless sleep. Troy and I tossed and turned for hours, we talked a few times as neither of us could get any sleep.

I rinsed off as I wrapped a big fluffy towel around me and I looked in the mirror as my eyes showed how tired I was. I think Troy was finally getting some rest as I peeked back out, yet he was sitting up, a cup of coffee in hand, his eyes gazed out of the window as he watched the sun come up over the hills.

"It's going to be okay right?" I asked softly, he turned around and he gave a smile, "It's going to be perfect," I nodded as I saw that he was lost in thoughts so deep I wouldn't be able to understand them.

I got dressed in a pair of skinny jeans and a three quarter sleeved pink shirt. I let my hair drip as I walked out, Troy switched me spots, his warm lips planting a kiss on my forehead and then on my lips. "I love you,"

"I love you," our eyes exchanged that we were both scared of that the next two hours held for us. A lot of cheery smiles and positive encouragement, going downstairs, I prepared pancakes as Liam and Emma both came down the stairs around the same time.

I placed a plate in front of them both as they were quiet, "Mom," Liam said quietly, I raised my eyes to meet his, "I love you,"

I smiled, "I love you too Liam and I love you Em's,"

"Why are you sounding like mom is going in for a death sentence?" Emma asked glancing at him, "I'm not, I just, I wanted to tell her I loved her,"

"I love you too mom and whatever brownie points he is getting, can I have them too?" I laughed as I nodded, "Sure," my eyes found Liam's again and he shrugged. I ate a pancake myself and a few grapes as I handed lunches to both of them. I checked over some stuff as I made plates for the other three when a holler came in, "Auntie Taylor!" Emma said she bounced out of her seat as she went over to hug Taylor.

"Morning Em," she smiled and she said good morning to Liam too, "We are out," he said grabbing his keys, Liam grabbed me in a side hug and I hugged Emma too, "Have a great day at school,"

"Thanks," they both muttered as they walked out, I leaned against the counter as Taylor came over, "Hey," I looked up and she pulled me into a big hug, "Everything will be okay,"

"Are you sure Tay because I am not feeling it right now?"

"But it will be, I promise,"

I took a big breath and nodded, Troy came down as he took one of the plates and sat at the bar. I went ahead to make another as I sighed, "I'm going to wake up the kids,"

Troy watched me as he then began to speak to Taylor. I started with Wes who was downstairs. I gently nudged him awake, as he looked at me, "Not morning already," I laughed, "Yea, its morning already, come on big shot,"

I laid out his clothes for him and left him to get ready. Going upstairs, I peeked in Allison's room. She was already sitting up as I smiled, "Good morning sweetie,"

"Morning mom," she rubbed her eyes and I found her a pair of jeans with a cute shirt. She smiled as I kissed her forehead, "Aunt Taylor is here so if you want her to do your hair while you eat you better hurry," she gasped with excitement as I then went into Lo's room.

Gently waking her up, she gave me a sleepy look, "Come here," she crawled into my lap as I kissed her temple, "Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

"Yea," she went to the bathroom as I helped her wash her hands and brush her teeth. I then changed her for the day as I kissed her temple. When I went back downstairs, Wes and Allison were eating breakfast, all engaged in a conversation with Troy.

I set Lo down and I put a plate in front of her as Troy's eyes went to the clock and I followed. The dreaded time was here and Troy opened his arms. I gave him a big hug as he kissed the top of my head, "It's going to be fine,"

Taylor gave a big sigh, "I'll see you guys in a few hours okay?"

"Got it," I spoke soft and I went out, Troy followed as he only kept throwing me concerned glances, his eyes filled with concern. Pulling into the hospital, ten minutes early again, we both climbed out and didn't rush the walk to her floor.

When we got there, Troy and I checked in as he sat down and the only thing I did was sit on his lap. My head resting on his shoulder, "I'll be there the entire time," he whispered, "Right there,"

I took a big breath and nodded, "Okay,"

"You'll do great, I know you will,"

We were called back minutes later as we were guided straight for her office. My stomach did flip-flops as she shook our hands again, Troy and I both sat down as she sat on the other side of the desk. "After doing all of the testing, I got the pathology report last night right before I left and my suspicions were confirmed in them." I sucked in a breath, Troy grabbed my hand and he squeezed it pretty tight. My eyes went to his as he gave me a tiny smile.

"I hate to give bad news," I felt the wind rush out of me to the point I almost missed her last part. "Gabi has invasive ductal cancer, a form of breast cancer in her ductal lobe area." Tears quickly grew in my eyes as looked down my hands began to shake. Both of the tumors I tested in her left breast came back at as DCIS, the one in her right breast came back the same and the fourth was rated very high cells, cancer."

I pressed my eyes closed tightly as I tried to control my tears. I tried to keep it together. "Hey, come here," Troy pulled me into his lap and I heard Dr. Mills leave after a second, "Take a breath for me," I did as it came out almost as a gasp. "I know, I know how much this sucks right now but you have to think of how strong you are, how good you are, how beautiful and strong you are for me okay?"

I nodded as pain seeped through my blood and Troy squeezed my leg, "I'm going to be right here every step of the way, I am going to love you every minute of the way, I'm going to be here, you don't have to worry about that,"

I pressed my face into his skin and we stayed like this for a couple of minutes until Dr. Mills came back. "I'm sorry," she approached carefully, "But we are going to have to get a plan rolling here very soon, a mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiation," Troy held his hand up, "I think we are going to need a couple of days to process this, I mean, we understand we need to get started but," Troy's voice broke as I closed my eyes tighter.

"She is thirty eight, a mom of five, I think we both need to let this digest before we start planning everything. We need to look into things, we need a few minutes," Troy paused, "Unless we need to do everything today, unless there is something that is telling us that we can't wait another minute,"

"Of course, how about we give you the weekend to all talk about it and then on Monday we can start setting up appointments, start discussions," Troy breathed out, "I think we can manage that,"

I shifted back to the other chair but Troy held my hand tightly.

Suddenly, I had an appointment for almost every day next week. Oncology, Radiation Oncology, plastic surgeon, and of course another one with Dr. Mills, my breast surgeon, "We will discuss more of a plan starting next week, just keep everything I said today in mind. Also," she wrote it down on a card as she gave it to Troy, "Research, look into everything, I will admire you for that but don't make yourself worried sick okay?"

Troy nodded stiffly, we both got up and I felt like my body was just going to collapse. How could it betray me? How could I just suddenly have breast cancer? Troy grabbed my hand tightly as we barely made it out of the waiting room and into the empty elevator before I broke down. Troy pulled me against him, "Oh Brie, it's going to be okay, just like I said, I promise,"

I let my fingers slide through his shirt as I clutched it close to me, "It's going to be okay," he whispered and I heard the shake of his voice, the familiar signs of him close to tears. Once the elevator opened, we made a beeline for the car. "Where do you want to go? Do you want to go home first or do you want to just tell everybody?"

I felt my stomach drop, "Can they come to the house?"

"I'll call them okay?"

I nodded as he drove home, making phone calls and before I knew it, everybody was coming over around eleven. Lo would be taking a nap and could sleep in her bed. I felt my stomach drop out as Troy guided me to the coach, I sat down and he rubbed my back, we were both silent as we didn't know what to say.

"How could I have cancer?" I asked, tears filling my voice, "I don't know Brie, I wish I knew, I wish I could have prevented it," the catch in my voice made me look at him, his blue eyes filled with tears as I pressed my palm against his cheek. "Troy," I whispered, he looked at me as he fell apart, "Gabs," his arms wrapped around me and I buried my head into his shoulder.

We both cried for what felt like forever, our arms holding each other tight. "Okay," Troy took a deep breath, "Do you want anything to eat?"

"Just hold me Troy,"

He didn't say anything, he just did.

As eleven approached, I wrapped Troy's sweatshirt around me as I sat in the living room. A knock on our door, Troy went over to answer it, as he had been pretty quiet since everything happened.

"Troy, honey, you are scaring us both!" Lucille and Jack walked in as it must have been Jack's lunch hour, "Yea, well, just sit in the living room okay," Jack and Lucille came in as I had showered again since it all happened, needing to just get away for a few minutes.

"Gabi sweetie, is everything alright?"

I pursed my lips, "I'd rather not tell it more than once," I whispered, "Gabi," I paused as Taylor and Chad came flying through the door. "Momma?" I smiled as Lo came to settle in my lap, "Hi sweetie,"

"Mommy," she kissed my nose and I smiled, "Alright, it's nap time, daddy is going to take you," she smiled and Troy took her upstairs, "Troy? Why am I taking my lunch break," Jenni appeared in the doorway with her bag slung over her shoulder and she eyed the living room, "What's wrong? Who died?" she asked, Troy stiffly moved behind her, "Welcome Jenni,"

"This house smells of horrible news,"

I bit down hard on my lip, "Just find a spot Jenni, we are waiting on the Baylor's,"

Sharpay and Zeke weren't far behind as they came in, wondering what the hell is going on, Troy sat next to me as his fingers pulled through mine. "As some of you know, Gabi had several tests going on these past few days,"

"Test? What tests?" Lucille asked, I took a big breath, "I had a mammogram on Monday, out of sheer curiosity and just a few odd things. I went in and they did a physical exam, plus an ultrasound," concerned looks went through the group, "They saw some concern so they sat me down with the radiologist, they told me I had four lesions in each breast, lesions are tumors," a gasp went through Jenni as I took a breath. I fought back tears, as the group in front of me probably already knew everything I was going to say.

"Yesterday, I had a biopsy done and an MRI, they then dragged me in this morning to tell me the results," I felt my hands shake, "Gabi sweetie,"

"I have Invasive Ductal breast cancer," I finished, Lucille stood up and she came over to sit next to me, a short cry left my mouth as she wrapped an arm around me, "Gabi," I turned to hug her as Troy moved, Jenni came to sit next to me too. "What?" Sharpay said, "What do you mean? I," Sharpay began to take deep breaths, "Shar," Zeke called her name out as Taylor paced in the room.

"The kids don't know anything," Troy mentioned, "We are going to wait and tell them after dinner, I know you have practice with Liam after school dad but we need to keep this normal to not alarm any bells."

"Troy, how can you ask me to go to that kid and practice him normal?"

"I don't know dad, I need you to figure that part out." Sharpay and Taylor hugged me, my arms wrapped around them. "Gabi, we will be here for you okay?"

"Is there any treatment plans in place?"

Troy shook his head, "We need a minute to take it in, to figure out what we need to do and go from there. Next week, we have scheduled a bunch of doctors to discuss our options but I know how important we need to focus on Gabi but our kids," Troy paused, "Are going to need a lot of help through this, they are going to be confused and lost, they won't know how to deal with this."

The group looked at us, "Dad, I need you to please watch Liam at school and keep in contact with their teachers, mom, you just need to be their grandmother, you guys as aunts and uncles, they just need somebody to go to and we have to watch them."

"Troy, we are always here for them,"

"Thank you guys,"

"Don't worry, we are all going to win this battle together though," Troy mentioned, "It's going to be a long battle but it will be okay," I smiled as Troy smoothed his fingers through mine, "When we have more answers, we will send out an email with the details. The surgery will be soon probably and we are going to need a lot of strength from you guys,"

A soft nod came through us as everybody was suddenly in a group hug; people had to go back to work and home, as we talked for a little longer. Troy closed the door as Jenni left. Taylor and Chad were the only one's who remained in the rooms.

"Do you guys want us to stick around or anything?" Taylor asked, "I think I am going to go lay down for a little while, I don't think either of us got any sleep last night," Taylor grabbed me in another hug as Chad brushed his fingers through my hair.

"I don't know how many of the kids will be up to go to school tomorrow, I don't have any more doctors appointments for the rest of the week so," Taylor nodded, "Text us tomorrow and if you want us to come over tomorrow, we will okay?" I nodded as I hugged both of them, "Thank you,"

I grabbed Chad's hand and I pulled him into the kitchen, "Chad," he looked at me, "Please, be there for Troy, I don't know how his head is handling this, so I just, please," he nodded, "I'll look out for him Gabs," I thanked him as he kissed the top of my head. Troy watched them out as he then looked at me, "Go get some rest, I'll fight the fire for now okay?"

"Okay,"

Troy's POV

I rubbed my chin as my eyes scanned the words on the computer, "Mom? Dad?" I turned to see Emma, "Hey pretty girl, what's up?" I asked, she smiled, "Nothing, where is mom?"

"She is sleeping," I told her, "Oh, I need to talk to her,"

"She should be up in a couple of hours okay,"

"Oh," she ran her fingers through her hair, "Soccer try-outs are tomorrow," I felt my eyes bulge, "Oh really?" she nodded her head, "Yea," I smiled as I gave her a smile, "You'll make the team for sure,"

"Thanks dad," she walked to her room, "Hey Em?" she turned around, "Can you do your homework now for me?" she eyed me, "Why can't I do it after dinner like normal?"

I hesitated, "I just need you to do it now okay?"

"Okay," she went up to her room as I closed the laptop and I began to prepare for the storm. The kids all began to show up, Wes and Allison came walking up the doorstep as I waved to the bus driver, "Come on guys," I helped them take shoes and jackets off.

"Do you guys have any homework?" I asked, "Yes," Wes said, "Alright, well let's get it done okay?" Wes nodded as I helped him with some of his math as Allison played with Lo. I smiled as I played with Allison's hair. "Dad?" I turned to see Liam walking in the door, "Where is mom?" he was still sweaty from practice and his bag still hanging from his shoulder. "She is taking a nap," I told him, he looked anxious, "I think I am going to go on a run," Liam said, I nodded, "That's fine,"

He went to his room and was out for a minute before he was out of the door. I saw it was nearly five; I snuck away from the kids as I went upstairs to check on Gabi. "Hey," I asked softly, she turned to face me, "Are the kids all home?" I nodded, "I am having them all do their homework now besides Liam, I don't even want to talk to him about anything," she gave a nod, "Did you get some rest,"

"Yea,"

"What do you want for dinner?"

"I have stuff for potato soup waiting," she told me, I kissed her lips, "I'll prepare it," I told her, "Okay, I think I am going to stay in here for a little bit,"

"That's fine," I let her rest as I went downstairs to being to prepare dinner, I put it all together and I let it stew, I put a thing of bread in the oven as I let my fingers massage my temple. "Dad," Liam.

"Liam," I said turning around, "Is everything okay?"

"Liam, we will talk after dinner."

His face dropped, "Dad, I need to know,"

"You will know after dinner with everybody else okay?" I took a breath as I looked at him, "Grandpa wasn't the same during practice today, and does he know something I don't?"

"Liam," I said, my voice threating, "We will talk about this after dinner okay? It has been such a long day and I need a minute okay," I took a big breath, "I need a minute." I stepped out onto the back porch as I gripped the railing. My mind swirled with everything, the words of the doctor and the sad faces of family.

I didn't know how I could face my kids who would break me apart with one desperate look to make it all better.

Gabi's POV

Getting out of bed, I changed into a different shirt and I went downstairs, "Mommy!" Allison gave me a hug along with Lo, "Hey guys," I kissed the top of their heads, I smelled the soup from a mile away as Emma and Wes were sitting at the bar talking, Wes smiled, "Hi mom,"

"Hi," I kissed the top of his head and I rested my chin on Emma's shoulder, "Where is your brother and dad?" Emma pointed to the door and I looked out, they were both playing basketball with each other. I stepped out the door, as the bounce of the ball was consistent with everything. They weren't talking, just playing.

There wasn't laughter or excitement, just basketball. I leaned against the railing as I watched the two play the game they both loved. I looked to see it was almost six thirty, "Boys," I yelled, they both turned towards me, "its dinner time, let's go,"

They both moved towards the stairs, I entered the room as I called the rest of them to dinner. I cut up the finished bread and I tossed it into the bowl. I gave a smile as everybody filled bowls and grabbed bread. Troy took care of Lauren as I sat down with my own bowl.

"I want everybody to tell me about their days at school,"

"My day was boring," Liam started, "I went through the motions," his eyes studied mine as he was wondering. I gave him a reassuring smile before I looked down in my bowl and had a couple of bites.

"My day was fun! Mom, I need to talk to you after dinner about something," my smile shifted as I looked at her, "That's good,"

"I had an okay day at school mom, I passed my spelling test," I grinned at Wes, "Good job buddy,"

I ate my bowl of soup as Allison went into detail about her afternoon and Lo said her day was good. Troy cleared his throat as he barely touched his bowl of soup. "Guys," Troy started, I felt my breath falter, as I didn't know how after dinner was going to go, "We need to have a family talk after dinner tonight okay?" Troy held my gaze as I cleared my throat to stop any tears that might form.

Emma's eyes bounced to mine, "Is that why I had to do my homework before?" I nodded, "It might be long," I said softly, Liam backed out of his chair quietly as he collected bowls, "I'll do dishes,"

"Liam," I said, his blue eyes connected with mine and I instantly knew how hard he was going to take this. "I think dishes can wait tonight," his eyes looked into mine as I gave him a smile, "It's going to be okay we just need to talk,"

He nodded as he placed the bowls he collected into the sink. Soon everybody was gathering in the living room, Troy sat down as I sat down on his lap, he wrapped his arms around my waist, "As you know, the past couple of days we had to go to appointments," looks went among the kids and Liam let his eyes fall.

"The no booboo appointments!" Allison said I swallowed hard as I suddenly didn't know if I could do this. Liam pulled Allison into his lap while Emma held onto Lo, "Hang on," Troy mumbled, he picked up Lo who Troy went to put into her room where she couldn't get in trouble. I squeezed my hands as I looked at each of their faces. The innocent, the worried, the excited for another day, and I felt like it was all going to be crushed. Troy returned as he sat down next to me.

"What's going on?" Liam finally asked, I took a deep breath, "I had many tests run you guys and we found out what's wrong this morning," tears welled up in my eyes as Troy squeezed my hand, my eyes connected with Liam as I watched him, "I was diagnosed with breast cancer today," Liam's eyes snapped to mine, rage filled them and sorrow, "Mom! You said you were okay!" I blinked my eyes as Allison looked at Emma and Liam wondering what was going on.

"I will be okay Liam, I promise," I stopped as Liam ran his fingers over the back of his neck.

"You can't promise me anything now!" My stomach twisted as he was right, I stood up and I went over to sit next to them. "Mom," Emma said, she was in tears as I found her hand and Liam's, "I know how scary this must feel to you right now and I'm scared, your dad is scared but we need to be strong together here okay?"

Liam went quiet as I was almost pleading with him to talk to me, "Mom," he said looking at me, "You can't?" he shook his head, "You can't have that," I closed my eyes and I nodded, "I'm sorry Liam, I am, I just," Liam shook his head.

"I can't," Liam stood up as Allison stood up and looked around confused, "Mommy, what's wrong?" she asked, Wes was quiet and I cleared my throat, my eyes followed Liam, "Sweetie, mommy has a sickness where things grow inside of me that I can't control. I will have to have surgery and some very powerful drugs to get rid of it but I will still be your normally mommy,"

Allison smiled, "Good!" she came over to wrap me in a hug as she didn't understand the fully extent. "If you have any questions, you just ask me or daddy, grandma or grandpa, any of your aunts or uncles okay? Just ask," she nodded, "Can I go play now?" I nodded, "Yes, go play," I looked at her face; her life would not be effected until I was effected. I swallowed hard and I watched her hug Troy.

She took off as I looked at Emma who was crying, "Mom, you said you were fine,"

"I am fine Em's,"

She looked at a loss for words, "I don't know," I wrapped my arms around her, "It's going to be okay," I whispered, "We can talk one on one in a few minutes okay," she nodded as I wiped her tears away. "Okay," she stood up as Wes looked at me and he looked at Troy, "Hey come here bud," he came over as I wrapped him up in my arms, Troy joined me and I pressed my face against his temple.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, "You're really sick," he commented, "Yea, I am bud,"

"Are you going to be okay?" his voice trembled as he looked at me, I smoothed his hair back and I nodded, I blinked away tears.

"I sure hope so buddy, I sure hope so,"

"I love you buddy," he nodded as he looked at Troy, "Hey, Wes, how about you think about this for a few moments and then we can talk more about it okay?" he nodded as he went downstairs.

I burst into tears as Troy took a deep breath, "I need to go talk to Liam,"

"Give him a minute," Troy suggested, I shook my head, "I can't, I need to," Troy only nodded as we went down to his room as he was lying in his bed. "Liam," he turned his head as he had been crying, "Mom, you said you were going to be fine, you promised,"

I nodded as I sat down next to him, "I know I did but I was scared and we didn't know until this morning, I didn't want to freak everybody out and it just be tumors,"

"But that's what you thought," I wrapped my arms around him, "I know, I'm sorry Liam, I'm so sorry," He blinked and he turned to Troy who was standing in the doorway, "Dad, I thought it was just an email,"

"Liam," Troy struggled as he came over, "This is going to be a rough road, we know that, we know that we didn't say anything and we love you," He shook his head and then he took a big breath, "I don't know what to think, I don't know what to understand,"

"And we know that," he looked at us and he shook his head, "You can't die mom," Troy snapped up and in attention as Liam shook his head, "Oh Liam, I am not dying,"

Troy turned in left as I looked at him, why the hell was he leaving me with this. "Mom, it's cancer. You can't tell me that for sure, you can't tell me that in a few months that they are going to tell you that there isn't any options left."

"I am not dying Liam, I have so many options right now, so many and I will not let some cancer destroy me or my family," I ran my fingers over his back, "I love you Liam,"

"I love you too mom, I can't lose you,"

"Good thing I am not going anywhere." He looked at me with helpless eyes, "You don't have to go to school tomorrow okay? If you want to rest on it and then talk tomorrow or if you want to go to school, I don't care, you can choose." He nodded, "If you need something, come and get me," he nodded as I walked out; Troy was leaning against the wall as I looked at him.

"Hey," he shook his head, "Death is not to be mentioned," he said, his voice firm, "Troy, they are going to ask, I'm not dying. I have a hell of a fighting chance at this okay?" Troy needed to be reassured when I felt like I needed to be reassured.

"Fine,"

I glanced in to see Wes laying under his blankets, "I think you need to go and talk to Emma," he said, "I'll talk to Wes," I nodded, "Okay,"

Going upstairs, I checked on Lo only to find Emma with her. "Em's," she turned to face me and she looked at Lo, "Why didn't you tell her too?" Lo looked at me and I smiled, "Your dad and I need to explain it a little different,"

Emma nodded and she looked at me, "Em," her lower lip trembled and I held her hand as we went to her room. "Mom, I'm so scared," she cried, "I'm scared,"

"So am I,"

"You said you were okay,"

"I know I said I was okay, I am going to be okay," she shook her head as she began to cry, I wrapped my arms around her and she cried, I began to cry. She pulled me closer and we were both to the point of sobs. The emotion wearing me down as I held on to Emma tightly.

"Hey, hey, whoa," Troy walked into the room and he broke our embrace. "Hey," he was resting his knees on the ground and he directed our attention to his blue eyes, "Why are my pretty girls crying huh?"

I swallowed, "This is going to be hard for everybody but we are all going to be okay," Troy said, he gripped both of our hands and Emma looked at me. "Mommy, will you lay with me?" I nodded as I brushed her hair away, "Of course,"

"I'll be back after putting Lo to bed to make sure that Allison is okay," I nodded as I brushed Emma's hair away. "You don't have to go to school tomorrow okay," she nodded, "I don't think," she paused, "I have soccer try-outs tomorrow,"

"I'll call the coach tomorrow and maybe you can go even if you miss school," she nodded her head and I hugged her.

Emma fell asleep after a while, Troy came in and helped me get out of her embrace. "How is Allison?"

"Allison is okay,"

I nodded as I felt numb, "How is Wes?"

"He fell asleep on me but I think none of them are going to school tomorrow, I am going to keep Allison home,"

"Troy, if she wants to go to school, let her, okay?"

"But,"

"But, she needs to keep it normal. The older ones need more help," Troy nodded as he looked at me, "Gabs, I need help," he said, "I need help," I nodded as I kissed him, "I need you too Troy,"

He wrapped his arms around me, "Let's go to bed, I think we have another long day ahead of us,"

"Mommy is am I going to Uncle Chad's?" I looked up to see Lo, "Hey pretty girl, no, you are staying home with us today." She smiled, "Good!" She glanced around, "Mommy where is everybody?"

"Allison went to school and Liam, Emma, and Wes are still sleeping."

"Are they sick?" she asked, I picked up the two year old and I shook my head, "Not quite," I looked into her blue eyes as I smiled, "Come on, daddy and I need to tell you something Lo,"

I took her upstairs into my room where Troy was putting on a shirt after his shower. "Morning Lolo," Lauren giggled as I set her down on my bed, Troy looked at me and nodded, it was another restless sleep last night as we both checked on the kids a few times.

"Lo, mommy is sick," I told her, she turned her head and examined me, "You look good," she questioned, I smiled as I shook my head, "It's inside, actually it's right in here," I said pointed to my breasts. "There are things in there that are not supposed to be in there. So doctors are going to remove them and I will have to take very powerful drugs to get them to go buh bye,"

Lo's face fell a little, "It's called breast cancer Lo,"

She looked at Troy and she then looked at me, "You aren't going to die?" her voice was quiet and scared, barely able to get the sentence out, "Of course not Lo, I'm not going anywhere," I hugged her as she sighed, "Good,"

I looked at my two year old, almost three, who was like Allison. Until I was different, nothing was going to show them how serious it was. I wished the older kids were like that. "Is that why Liam, Wes, and Emma didn't go to school?" Lo asked scrunching up her face, I nodded, "They didn't get much sleep last night and it's gonna be different around here okay?"

"Okay," her eyes looked at mine as I swept a portion of her hair away. "I love you Lo,"

'I love you too mama," I smiled as I cuddled with her, Troy was quiet as I looked at him, "Come on," I mentioned, we all went downstairs as Liam was sitting on the bar stool against the counter. His eyes were staring off into space and I gave Troy Lo.

I went into the chair next to him as I sat on it, "Let me in Liam," I said softly; he turned towards me as he looked like he was being tortured. "I thought maybe you had to have a simple surgery, or that you were being diagnosed with a disease like diabetes that you can manager but cancer," he took a breath as he looked towards the fridge, "I wasn't expecting cancer."

My fingers rubbed his back, "It's not what I was expecting either," I told him, tears filling my voice, "I wasn't expecting what they told me, I wasn't expecting any of this," I told him, he swallowed as his jaw flickered, "How are you so okay with this?" he asked looking at me, "I'm not Liam, you are seeing the brave face for Allison, Wes, and Lo, they understand but don't. I see you and Emma and I see every emotion that you are fighting and I know you know how real this is."

Liam turned away from me and I pulled my legs closer to my body. "Why?"

"I wish I knew," I responded, "I wish I knew,"

He got out of the chair and he went over the fridge. "Liam," I started, "I want my mom back," he started, his fingers shaking as he grabbed something out of the fridge, "I want my mom back but I won't have her back for a long time because of some stupid thing called cancer, I will have to watch her suffer because of something and I hate seeing you upset," his words were dangerous and rough, God, he reminded me of Troy. So much of Troy.

"Then I see Dad as he can't do anything to help you and I know this is going to change our family, I just don't know how," he took a deep breath as he fought with inner demons. "You guys are always those parents, you are always there and now," he paused, "And now I don't know what to expect,"

I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. "Liam," I got up as he walked into my arms, I squeezed him as this was awkward almost with him being taller than me, I tried to imagine the little boy who ran around the house with only his underwear, or him shooting nerf guns, "It's going to be okay Liam, we will tell you anything and everything you want to know okay?"

He pulled back as he took a deep breath, "Okay,"

"Liam,"

Troy made an appearance and he turned his head, "Do you want to go out on the basketball court?"

A sigh of relief filled Liam, "Please,"

"Let's go,"

I watched the two go out onto the court and they picked up the lone basketball. I pulled my chair up to watch the two, moving along the court and I heard a couple of laughs. They tripped over the ball and they just played. Taking a big breath, I turned to see Emma walking out the doors, her phone in her hand, "Hey there," she smiled softly, she then came over to settle in my lap.

"What's up Emma?"

She shrugged as she rested her head on my shoulder. She was quiet as I heard Wes, "I wanna play!"

"Wes," I called, he turned towards me, "It's cool mom," Liam's voice came back as I turned and nodded, "I want in then," Emma said, she got up and I laughed, "Mind if your old mom plays?"

All the kids looked at me and I smiled, "I have a mean three point shot,"

They all laughed, "She isn't kidding," Troy said with a laugh, his eyes filling with a sparkle, "It's a mean shot,"

Suddenly we had a bare feet pick up game going.

Emma tossed me the ball as I handed it off to Wes.

Wes went in for a lay-up as Liam took the ball and passed it to Troy.

I stood guard in front of Troy, "Mmm…this seems to be an easy challenge," Troy mocked, "Really?" I asked, he nodded, the ball bounced as he stepped a foot back, "Really," I grinned, "Maybe if I took my shirt off," Troy's eyes went wide and I took the opportunity to take the ball in mid bounce, "Hey! That's cheating!" Liam called, I laughed as I took the three point shot and it swished in the net.

Emma and Wes cheered as I gave them a high five. "That was low," Troy said with a laugh, I smiled, "Why thank you,"

"That was not a compliment," he said to me, I laughed, "I know," Troy passed the ball to Liam who drove to the basket. Emma went up to nudge his hip and blocked out the ball, "What is this?" Liam asked, I laughed as we played, we laughed, we forgot.

Troy took an easy shot and I collided with him, he laughed as he balanced me. "Easy there Mrs. Bolton," I laughed as he took a deep breath and he looked at me again, "Don't do that," I whispered, "Don't look at me different, any of you," they all gained attention as I looked at them, "I am still your mom. I am still myself. I am not going anywhere and we are going to be perfectly fine. It may be a rough year. It might be a rough time but we are going to make it through this, that's a promise."

Suddenly Emma and Liam were both wrapping me in a hug, Wes right behind them as I felt tears overwhelm me. "It's going to be okay guys, we are such a strong family." I whispered, Liam outdid them all as he picked me up and he squeezed me, I laughed as I looked at him, "What happened to you? You grew up," I whispered, "Well I do have an ultra tall dad…" I giggled as I kissed his temple, "It's going to be fine, I told you that,"

He nodded and Emma wrapped her arms around me, "I called your coach," I told her, "She understands and will understand if you miss try-outs this afternoon, she said you can make them up next week,"

"I think I'll go," she said, I smiled as I brushed her hair away. "There is my pretty girl," I whispered, Wes came over and he hugged my mid-section, "I love you mom,"

'I love you too Wes," my arms wrapped him up as he pressed his face against my chest. "If any of you just need to talk to somebody, you have your grandparents, all of your aunts and uncles, you can always talk to your dad and I, you can ask any question and I hope to be able to answer it to my perfect ability."

"I think I am going to go on a run, to clear my head," Liam said looking at us, "Can I go with you Liam?" Emma looked at him and Liam smiled, "Yea, why not, it's about time I beat you again," the shoved each other as they went racing up the steps.

"Wes, do you want to do anything?" I asked him, "I think I am going to go play video games," I nodded as our kids left, Troy was standing there as he looked in the distance, his back facing me. The strain in his neck told me that he was having trouble controlling his emotion and I went over, I slipped my arms around his waist.

"What about you Mr. Bolton?" His laid his fingers over my hands that met by his belly button, "Why don't I have your strength Gabs," he said, his eyes not moving from the spot he was looking at, "You are so much stronger than any of us," he whispered, "That's because I became a mom to five children, to a husband who traveled so much to play basketball and I had to become the bad guy, the good guy, the peacekeeper, I have become these things and I now have to make sure my kids are going to be okay, I have to be that still and then I have a husband who I can't read right now."

Troy moved and we were facing each other, "I'm scared, I'm worried, I'm angry, I'm all of these emotions because I just want you fixed, not broken," I pressed my palm against his cheek, "And Then let's fix me okay?"

Troy swallowed, "Okay,"

I brought him closer to me and he captured my lips perfectly. "I love you Brie,"

"I love you too,"

I looked at the email I had typed as I took a big breath and sent it to everybody who didn't know. It was late and mostly everybody was asleep beside myself. I crawled out of bed to do this, as I couldn't sleep next to Troy as I battled my own emotions.

Everybody was to return to school tomorrow, Emma went to try-outs and kicked ass out there. I brought my chin to rest on my knees and I took a deep breath as I began to Google it, I began to look for help.

Heading to the Susan G. Komen page, I browsed around for a little while. My hands shook and I took a big breath, I should probably return to bed but I couldn't bring myself to get up.

"Brie," his voice was soft and motion like, the words danced in my ear as I closed my eyes biting on my lip, "Come back to bed," he whispered, I swallowed as the lump grew, "I'm fine Troy, I just, I can't sleep," my voice broke in half and Troy walked further in the room, I wrapped my arms tight around my knees and he touched my shoulder, "What's wrong?" he asked softly, I took a soft breath as he saw me and he knew what was wrong.

"Alright, come here," Troy pulled my arms and legs apart as he looked at me. "Oh Brie, you don't have to be strong in front of me okay?"

"I did earlier and I can't have both of us falling apart,"

"I am going to be fine," he said, his hand squeezed my knee, "I am going to be perfectly fine and I am going to be right next to you the entire time,"

"Troy," I whispered, "I don't know what's going to happen,"

"And that's fine," he whispered, "Because the only thing you need to know is that I will be right there next to you the entire time." I blinked as Troy pushed back locks of my hair, "What if it's bad Troy?"

"Then we fight extra hard,"

I closed my eyes and Troy wrapped me into his arms, "You can stay brave for those kids but Gabs, you don't have to for me. I have to be brave for you and that's my job," I sucked in a breath and Troy kissed my temple.

"Come on, let's go to bed," he whispered, he grabbed my hand and we went to our room. He pulled me into his arms, "Just get some rest okay?"

I nodded as I gripped onto him, afraid to let go.

Troy's POV

Going downstairs, I let out a long yawn as I started the coffee and breakfast. "Is mom okay?" Liam walked into the kitchen and I nodded, "Yea, she is," I responded, I looked at him, as Emma was right behind him.

"Guys, I know that you two are taking this the hardest, it's going to be hard but right now your mom needs us. She needs the support and love and I know you guys can do that, I know how scary this is for everybody but we have to be there on those bad days, to show her we are there for her."

Liam and Emma nodded, "Wes, Allison, and Lauren, it's confusing for them, they are going to be looking at you guys for answers. You can direct them to us but it's a team effort here now and we have to be okay."

"Dad, she is going to be fine right?"

Emma's hallow voice scared me, "I don't know, we don't know the extent of it all yet, next week if full of appointments to make plans. We will be talking more and we will talk to you guys once things are decided."

Liam bit on his tongue, "Okay,"

"If you guys are having trouble, call us okay?"

They nodded as they both headed out, I pressed my palms against my face and I took in a big breath, so many emotions, and so little time.

Poor Gabs! I know it's not fun but it's going to be a fun and uplifting story, I promise it will be good! I won't let you guys down! So I hope you enjoyed the chapter and the kids reactions, even Troys, it's life and it's the families life now. It's gonna be a hard long uphill battle but they will get there!

Please Review & have a good week!