AN: Thanks to everyone who has favourited, followed and reviewed and special thanks to my beta Spyke1985.

Hope you enjoy!

Chapter Four - Caught Out

"Guess who's been here a full week?" Philip asked, as he approached Sarah's desk. She smiled a little at that, although it didn't reach her eyes. She hadn't thought that she would last so long. She had hoped but... She had little faith in her ability to cope.

I guess I was wrong... She thought to herself as she discarded her datapad.

"Is it me?" She asked as Tiala frowned at the pad she had just put down.

"I can't believe how much you've gotten into Tiberius's project." She said and Sarah shrugged.

"I like puzzles." She said and Tiala nodded, understanding.

"Never mind that, Tia. We're taking you out drinking tonight." Philip said and Sarah sighed.

"You mean at a club?" She asked, relieved beyond measure that they couldn't hear the panic in her sub-harmonics at the very thought, and he nodded.

"Yeah. Purgatory's great. You in?" He asked and she felt blood pour into her mouth as she bit her cheek. She didn't even notice it.

A club. That means people. Lots of people. Loud music and... Lots of people. I can do this! I think...

Wait, why am I thinking about going?

I could just say no.

Or, would that make me a coward?

What do I care?

"Can't we just drink in?" She asked, figuring it was worth a shot. Philip just shook his head.

"No, come on! We have to celebrate properly!" He told her and she nodded, mutely.

"Sorry, but my aunts need my help with the shop's budget tonight. Neither of them are good with numbers." She lied, hoping they bought it.

"Fine." Philip said, looking a little crestfallen. Sarah wasn't bothered.

"So, seriously, what is with the paperwork?" Tiala asked again and Sarah shrugged. "You've been at your desk for most of the week. Surely there are some interesting leads to chase down?" She observed and Sarah shrugged again.

"I don't know. This is Red's show. I think he's reluctant to take me out in case I mess up like I did the first day." She omitted the part about her being glad for it. She didn't know if she could cope with patrolling the wards every day. Maybe the Presidium, or some of the more spacious wards like the one they had gone to on her first day but... the day after testing they had been patrolling one of the more... overpopulated wards and she had struggled to keep her calm. But I did manage it she told herself, the praise ringing a little hollow.

"Yeah, if you change your mind about tonight, Smiley isn't invited. Not that I don't want him to come along but... He doesn't do drinking out. I'm not even sure he drinks." Philip said and Sarah nodded mutely. She had no intention of going so it was no problem.

Sarah had stayed late at the office to help Red finish up decoding the intel they had found earlier in the week. By the time she arrived at the bakery, it was almost closing time.

"Hey, Sarah." Her Aunt Kara said as Sarah sat at the counter.

"Hey." She replied as she pulled her datapad from her bag, planning on finishing up the data segment she had started just before leaving the office.

"So, Tiala and Philip stopped by earlier." Kara told her and Sarah frowned a little. She could see where this was going...

"And?" She asked, her tone hard, causing her aunt to raise an eyebrow.

"They told me that you told them that you were too busy helping me to go out tonight." She said, causing Sarah to sigh.

"Yes. And?" She said and her aunt fixed her with a glare.

"And I told them that you would meet them there." She said, causing Sarah to sigh once more.

"Come on, Aunt Kara. I've got a headache..." She groaned but her aunt just shook her head.

"Sarah, you have to do something outside of work. I'm sure Solana appreciates your dedication but honestly, I've never seen such a serious eighteen year old. Go out with your friends. You deserve a break." She said and Sarah panicked a little. She was sure that once she left the bakery, she would have the perfect excuse. But she didn't have it now. She could just lie and tell her aunt that she was going but she knew that she would be caught out fairly quickly... She really had no choice.

"Fine..." She grumbled before getting changed and heading out.

Sarah considered retreating as the door of the lift opened. No, that wasn't right. She had been considering retreating every few seconds since she left the bakery. She knew that she had tipped off her aunts but she didn't think that they knew. No one knew. How could they? It wasn't a common occurrence given the fact that she lived aboard the Normandy which barely had a skeleton crew most of the time. But still it happened.

No, this is never going to work.

Yes it will, you'll be fine.

That's what I said last time.

You just need to try harder.

Can I ever cope? Is it a 'try harder' thing?

Yes, it is. Everything is...

No, this is never going to work.

Her mind looped through the arguments over and over again as she walked up to the entrance. The doors opened and the loud music immediately hit her queasy stomach. But she pushed through it. It wasn't too bad and she was only in a mild panic as she reached the bar where Tia and Philip were already.

"Hey!" Philip said to her, calling her over. She allowed her mind to be momentarily distracted by his tight fitting t-shirt. She hadn't really realized how... toned he was.

And there's the turian reaction to stress. She told herself as she approached the bar, her mind momentarily wondering where her friend was. He would be on his pilgrimage soon and she wondered if he would visit her. The distraction only lasted a second before she noticed her hand shaking a little and she quickly indicated that the bartender should give her whatever Tiala was having. She could deal with staying at the bar as long as it didn't get more crowded and she had some alcohol to hand.

She hoped...

"So, what do you think?" Tiala asked her and she nodded.

"It's good. I like it here." She lied and was once again glad that they couldn't hear her sub-harmonics as they trilled with nerves and mild panic. The turian bartender looked at her strangely as he passed her a drink but didn't say anything. She downed the drink as fast as she could.

"See? I told you it would be good here." Philip said and she nodded again, deciding it was better to stay as quiet as possible.

"I'm not a big fan." Tiala admitted and Philip rolled his eyes.

"But it's better than staying at home, Tia." He told her and she shrugged.

"I guess." She replied, shrugging.

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Uno

Dos

Tres

Cuatro

Cinco

Ichi

Ni

San

Shi

Go

"Hey, Sarah, you okay?" Tiala asked her and Sarah smiled as brightly as she could, nodding.

"Yeah, sorry, I guess I spaced out for a moment there, huh?" She said and Tiala gave her a slightly worried look before Philip just shook his head.

"She's just bored, Tia. Come on, Sarah. Let's dance." She froze at that but he didn't realize it as he grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the dance floor. She would have fought him off if she had any control over her body. She could feel her heart thudding in her chest and she felt as if every eye in the room was on her as he dragged her to the dance floor.

She couldn't think past the nausea in her stomach and as soon as he let go of her hand she bolted as fast as she could.

She left the nightclub and ran.

She just kept running, afraid to stop or turn back. Eventually she came to a balcony and she realized that she was on one of the upper levels. She was glad of her foresight to wear jeans instead of a skirt as she didn't stop running. Rather she leapt from the side of the balcony to a nearby rooftop and kept going. She kept running until she hit something solid.

"Hey! What are you- Blue?" She didn't have time to realize that she recognized the voice as the second she stopped running, she puked up her insides.

She eventually stopped vomiting but she was still shaking uncontrollably as she leaned her head against the wall, cursing herself for not listening to her better judgment. She should have come up with some excuse, any excuse, to not show up. She needed to know her limits, damn it. The shaking lessened a little as she felt a taloned hand on her back, warm and comforting.

"Blue, are you okay?" She almost sobbed at that. Of all the people who had to see her like this, it had to be Red. The last thing she needed was for him to decide that she couldn't do her job properly.

Could she? She asked herself, uncertain. She hated this. Feeling weak. She'd tried to push through it, to return to the days before she had felt like this. But it hadn't been possible. And she hated herself for it.

"I... I'm fine. Too much to drink..." She tried to explain it away but he shook his head.

"If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, Blue. You don't have to lie." He told her, his sub-harmonics trilling with reassurance and she turned around, collapsing against the wall before sliding down it, a reasonable distance from her puke. Tiberius crouched down next to her and she felt tears falling down her face. Of all of the human traits she could have inherited, crying just had to be one of them. Also, vomiting. She had never had a strong stomach and when she panicked like that... it was the first thing to go.

"I- I'm sorry." She managed and he shook his head.

"You don't have to apologize." He told her, reassuring her despite his confusion, and she shook her head.

"Damn it. I'm a first class moron." She managed, steadying her breathing as she spoke. She was tempted to hum or sing under her breath to help regulate her breathing back to normal but she figured that Tiberius already thought she was a deranged lunatic.

"Let me guess, you were at a club?" He asked and she nodded.

"Purgatory. Went there with Philip and Tia." She admitted and he nodded.

"You're not good with crowds, are you?" He asked simply, his sub-harmonics trilling with understanding instead of judgment. Her body racked with a silent sob as she nodded.

"How-?" She managed as he stopped crouching and sat down next to her.

"When we patrolling the wards you were... Agitated. The more crowded the ward became, the more your eyes flickered to the exits and escape routes and you did that thing where you twist your hands together." He said and she shook her head, cursing herself for being so easy to read.

"I... I used to be okay." She admitted. She had never really talked about it to anyone. She suspected that Hilary had known but she had simply kept quiet and backed up any lame excuse Sarah used to get out of the stressful situations.

"What happened?" He asked her softly and she brought her knees up to her chest and held them tight.

"I've never really had friends. Not outside of my family, anyway. Except, there was this one guy on Earth. He worked in my gran-gran's bakery and he didn't judge me when I wore my colony marks. We started hanging out more outside of work and he didn't care about how everyone ridiculed him for it. We were supposed to meet at a club one night, since we both looked old enough to get in. It was just supposed to be harmless fun." She felt empty as she began to tell the story that had been hers alone for so long. Her body seemed to have ran out of tears and she suddenly felt all dried up.

"You used to wear your markings even on Earth?" He asked and she nodded.

"Yeah. I wasn't really bothered about people knowing who I was. I didn't even think..." She trailed off before falling into silence, trying to arrange the story in her head. Tiberius waited patiently and she was grateful.

"Anyway, I got in without any problems but he wasn't there. I decided to stay and wait for him. I reckoned I would be safe at the bar." She said, unsure of how she was going to continue on so she fell back into silence.

"You were wrong?" He asked gently and she nodded.

"Yep. First time I ever fucked up. I... They had got to him first. That was why he never showed... I never thought..." She went silent for a few more moments and he didn't prompt her, instead letting her collect her thoughts.

"My parents had always shielded me from any... Repercussions of their relationship. We lived on a ship where no one could find us so I grew up thinking what I had was normal. It didn't even occur to me that I shouldn't wear my markings out in public, you know?" She paused again before continuing and Tiberius placed his hand on hers. She felt herself calm instantly at the touch.

"It was stupid of me. Some Terra Firma assholes had seen us together and had decided to teach both of us a lesson... They got to him outside... Then they came for me..." She trailed off and Tiberius' sub-harmonics filled with anger on her behalf.

"How old were you?" He asked and she tensed up for a moment before answering.

"I had just turned fifteen. They didn't know that, though. I easily looked eighteen/nineteen. Don't... I mean they didn't... They beat me up, that was it. I... I managed to hold them off long enough to not... but I had never really had any interest in fighting or combat. It was something I was taught just in case, never something I actively learned. There were too many of them and if Mordin hadn't... If he hadn't shown up when he had, I don't want to think about what would have happened." Tiberius' hand squeezed her arm and she smiled weakly at him.

"Mordin? That's a salarian name, right?" He asked and she nodded.

"Yeah, but he's a krogan. It's a long story but he's a friend of mine. I... began to feel uneasy not long before they got to me and I called him... He got to me just in time. I was... I reckon I was about as close to death as you can get but I heal quickly so I was mostly fine within a few days. My friend... Harry... He wasn't so lucky..." She trailed off and once again buried her head in her arms at the memories.

"What happened to him?" Tiberius asked and she fought to hold back tears. But she was losing.

"He... He was in a coma. For over two years. I... No one really knew that we were close. And no one but Mordin knew what really went on that night but you know krogan. We won so he didn't think anything of it. But ever since that night... After that I trained as hard as I could. I decided that I would never be helpless like that again. That's probably the only reason I can even leave the No- the ship." She admitted and he frowned a little.

"Was that really the only reason you trained so hard?" He asked and she cringed. Was she really so easy to read? Although, she noted the lack of accusation in his voice. Simply understanding.

"No. I figured those bastards owed me. I figured Harry deserved vengeance and I deserved revenge for what they turned me into..." She trailed off, her eyes hard with cold anger.

"What happened?" He asked and she shrugged, her voice hard instead of tear-filled.

"I had no idea what I would actually do to them. Kill them, maybe. But that seemed too kind. I figured that I might just beat them senseless like they had done to Harry... As time went on, I became less... The anger started to fade and I wondered if I should just leave things be. But then it wasn't about that. It became about sending a message that I wasn't weak. I thought that if I had my revenge, I might be able to go back to the old me. Before all this..." She trailed off, gesturing to herself.

"So, what did you do?" He asked and she laughed hollowly.

"Nothing. The next time we docked on Earth, I hunted them down. But mid-way through my search I found them on the news. They had been shot dead in a gang-related shootout just a few hours earlier... I had missed my chance for revenge and I felt... hollow. Empty. I was still a wreck and unable to deal with crowds but without the anger... that was all I had. Everything else had been lost over the years..." She finished and he nodded, understanding.

"Is that when you lost control of your biotics?" He asked and she nodded.

"Yeah. They always tell you that your biotics are linked to your emotions. I always figured it was a warning that if you got too angry they would overload. I never thought it could go the other way. I can't generate a stable field most of the time and I can't figure out why I manage it when I do..." She trailed off, flicking her wrist as he'd seen her do many times since they had met. As if she expected her biotics to magically reappear for no reason.

"What happened to your friend?" He asked, deciding to change the subject, and she sighed.

"He woke up a little while ago. I... I haven't seen him. I can't. He probably hates me..." She trailed off and Tiberius shook his head.

"You don't know that." He reasoned and she smiled at him weakly.

"Thanks Red, but I don't think I could face it... I let him down. He paid for my mistake and I don't think I could... I know it's cowardly and that I should face him and apologize, but I can't. I'm not... I'm not ready..." She said and he nodded in understanding before changing the topic.

"So, how did you manage living on a ship? Wasn't it crowded?" He asked and she shook her head.

"Not really. We barely have a skeleton crew most of the time. But take me off the ship and every time things get too crowded I expect them to turn on me. That's what happened, you know... As soon as a couple of guys started everyone just joined in instead of helping me..." She swallowed and remained silent for a few moments before Tiberius spoke again.

"It's okay, Blue." He said reassuringly before he frowned a little. "But, if you don't like crowds then why on Palaven did you move to the Citadel?" He asked and she laughed hollowly.

"It was... a poor choice, probably. But no one knows about this. I think Hilary figured it out but she's never asked. I... I had to prove that I am not weak, I'm-" She cut off halfway through her usual self pep-talk. As much as she trusted Tiberius, for whatever reason, with her issues she still couldn't trust him with her identity. "I had to prove that this isn't me. I'm... I was pretty sick as a kid. Never out of the medbay. Hell, I only started using a sniper rifle because it was one of the few things I could actually manage. I didn't really know any different when I was younger but the older I got... I knew that I either grew out of it or it killed me.

That kind of sickness can end up defining you, so when I hit my teens and started to get better... I got stupid. Suddenly I was free and I was stupid about it and Harry paid the price. So, I didn't tell anyone and I decided to move to the Citadel to prove that I could. To prove that this doesn't own me. And to get that freedom back, I guess..." She told him and he nodded, understandingly.

"I get that." He said and she nodded, wiping away the tears that had collected along the bottom of her visor.

"Thanks. For understanding." She said and he nodded.

"Everybody has something." He said simply and she nodded. "Your parents don't know?" He asked and she shook her head, snorting a little.

"I love my parents but they blame themselves for everything. I swear to the spirits, if anyone mentions Omega it turns into a game of 'who was to blame'. I... I won't have them blame themselves for my screw up. My mum is so damn happy that I don't have her social anxiety issues. This is my fault, my problem." She said resolutely and he nodded. "Would you tell your parents?" She asked, a little quietly. She had never had anyone to talk to about this, no one to get a second opinion from.

"I... I don't know." He admitted. "I never knew my dad and my mom is... I guess I wouldn't want to hurt her." He said and Sarah nodded.

"Is that your 'something'?" She asked and he nodded, sighing a little.

"Yeah." He said and they lapsed into comfortable silence for a few moments before she frowned.

"So, what were you doing up here?" She asked and he shrugged.

"This is my apartment building. I often come up here. I prefer the quiet." He said and she nodded.

"Yeah. It's a good spot." She said as she watched the traffic overhead. She felt as if she could see most of the ward from where she was sitting.

"I think it's better with you here." He admitted sheepishly and she smiled.

"You don't think I'm pathetic?" She asked jokingly but her sub-harmonics showed that she was honestly frightened of his response.

"No, I don't." He said simply and she smiled genuinely for the first time since Philip had suggested they go out.

"Thanks, Red."

"No problem, Blue."