Chapter 18

Under Control

"So clearly," I say to Daniel placing our coffee at the table, "you have a lot of explaining to do." I had basically cried myself to sleep and then spent the last couple of days with Elena, that for some reason I hadn't actually found the time to talk to Daniel. Okay, that was a lie, I was scared to. He knew about vervain, which means he kind of must know about vampires and I was afraid to find out how. Yet he was my best friend and I couldn't ignore him forever, so I finally got up the guts to meet him at the grill.

"Oh so you're finally decided to stop ignoring me," Daniel guesses.

I sigh, "Well what would you do in," I began to ask then stopped, "bad example," I mutter.

"Look Elouise, I'm not exactly sure what you're thinking, but its not even bad, just kind of disturbing," he assures me.

I wrinkle my nose, "Disturbing?" I question.

Daniel laughs, a smile forming on his lips, "Actually knowing you, you'll probably think its amazing," he tells me.

"Amazing?" I repeat once again, I didn't know what was wrong with me.

"Yeah," Daniel agrees, leaving us in silence.

"So," I say, "are you going to tell me?"

Daniel chokes on his coffee, "Right yeah sorry," he replies. I look down at my coffee wondering how things got quite so awkward between us. "Um well when you brought the vervain over, I caught mum looking at it, she seemed kind of upset. So I asked her about it. Anyway to cut a rather long boring story short, mum had basically guessed there were vampires in town, and she knew about vervain because she used to be in love with a vampire," Daniel explains to me.

It was my turn to choke, "Your mum was in love with a vampire, that's so cool, what happened?" I question intrigued.

Daniel shakes his head, "It is not cool," he corrects me, "um basically she didn't want to turn, she wanted a family and kids, so that ended that chapter," he says looking down.

"Wow," I murmur, I wondered what it must have been like for her, having to make that choice. I could never be in love, I decided.

"Yeah, anyway she was worried about you so she kind of caved and told me everything, and then I put the pieces together," Daniel admits, his tone hesitant.

I smile in reassurance, "I get it you know, why you didn't tell me you knew, I needed to tell you first," I say with conviction. I wasn't entirely sure how I would have reacted had Daniel told me he knew, but it wasn't fair to put that on him.

Daniel grins back at me, "So are you going to fill me in?" he asks.

Daniel had gotten way more of the stuff going on than I thought he would have, which made it easier for me at least. I couldn't help the smile on my face, it was just so good to finally have one less person to lie too. After all he was my best friend, I couldn't keep it up anyway. As I enter the school hallways my smile faded pretty fast, I was going to have to tell Stefan I told Daniel his secret. Elena was certain he'd be fine with it, but still most of the reason I hadn't said anything was because it wasn't mine to tell. "Hey," Elena greets cheerfully as I walk up to her. How she could be cheerful was beyond me, after all we still had tomb vampires that were out for revenge.

"Hey," I mutter, "um how's Matt?" I question, watching as he strolled down the hall.

Elena follows my gaze, "He's okay I think," she says, although I can tell by her tone she's uncertain.

I nod, "Right Caroline forced me into helping her with cooking duties," I mutter, glad Caroline had finally gone to dad's. I was meant to as well but now just wasn't the time.

Elena laughs causing me to smile, "Yeah I think they're glad she stopped," she admits.

"I think I would be too," I joke, hugging my books to me as I just embraced being happy for a bit.

"So my Uncle John's in town," Elena informs me, her tone sounding annoyed.

I shiver, "God, I hate that guy I mean no offence but he always comes over for dinner like once every time he's in town, which was actually probably to discuss secret vampire council stuff with mum," I mutter, shaking my head. It was kind of still hard to process mum was part of the secret council.

Elena shakes her head, "Of course he'd be part of it," she replies, "I've got to see Mr Saltzman he wants to talk to me about Jeremy." I nod, wondering what he had been up too now, I kind of thought he was good now.

"Say thanks when you see him for me," I tell her, realizing I had never actually thanked him. It was probably something better done in person but I just kind of didn't want to, it would just be awkward and odd.

"Sure," Elena agrees, before pausing and turning back round to face me, "you should talk to Stefan about Daniel," she encourages me. I force a smile on my face, my mind flooding with dread.

"So are you okay now?" I ask Stefan, trying desperately to find something in my kitchen for my eye to focus on.

"Better," Stefan assures me, but I just know that's not entirely true.

"Don't lie to the girl who can smell deceit," I tell him, jumping up onto the bench as I hang my feet loosely over.

Stefan looks at me in surprise, "I'm on edge, it just takes time," he explains to me.

"Right of course, time that makes sense," I mutter, nervously running my finger along one of the scabs left over from the tomb vampire experience.

Stefan takes a seat at the table, "Are you going to tell me why you called me over here?" he questions, when I remain silent.

I nod slowly, taking a deep breath, "I kind of let it slip to Daniel," I say quickly, Stefan opens his mouth like he's about to say something before I interrupt, "and I know it wasn't my place. He shouldn't know, I was just so emotionally vulnerable and I felt terrible about making you drink my blood and I'm not trying to making you feel guilty or anything its just."

"Elouise," Stefan stops me in a firm voice, "I'm not mad."

"Your not?" I question confused, although it makes sense its Stefan. "I know how hard its been for you to lie, and I trust you. If you think Daniel isn't going to tell anyone, then I believe that," Stefan tells me. I blink back tears, I couldn't believe I wanted to cry what was wrong with my emotions.

"Thank you, nobody's ever really been that nice to me," I mutter trying to explain the tears forming. It was true, Stefan was the first person who actually took an interest in me, and maybe it was because I looked like Rose, but it didn't make it any less real.

"That's," Stefan begins but stops instantly, the veins in his face becoming more pronounced. I stare at him in confusion before looking down and seeing the blood that had pooled where my scab formerly was. I had been so nervous I hadn't even noticed.

"Its fine Stefan I'll rinse it off," I say, jumping down from the bench, but by the time I look up he's gone. "Stefan's not okay," I say to myself, realizing a few drops of blood shouldn't cause that reaction.

"Hey Elena its me," I say through the phone, trying to work out how to tell her I didn't think Stefan was okay.

"I'm worried about Stefan," Elena tells me beating me to the punch.

I stop folding the towel in front of me in surprise, "What happened?" I question concerned.

"He was here and then suddenly his face changed, he became kind of aggressive, I'm worried," she admits.

"Me too," I second. There is a pause and I can tell Elena is unsure how to ask me the next question.

"Would you mind I don't know talking to Damon?" she asks.

"No," I reply quickly. Telling Daniel everything, had reaffirmed all the reasons I should hate Damon, in fact I couldn't believe I had forgotten them. Yes he had saved me twice, but it just wasn't enough and any attraction had to be physical because there was no way I was attracted to his murderous personality. "I mean why not you, you know Stefan better than me and you guys bonded when you were saving me and Stefan. So now its like we've both bonded with him and I bonded with Stefan while being kind of tortured together so," I stop, "that came out wrong stop me any time."

Elena sighs and it sounds tired, "Look I would its just I have about a thousand different things to do, and I can't deal with Damon when I'm this worried about Stefan," she admits. I almost groan she had to make me feel guilty that just wasn't fair.

"Fine, I'll talk to him," I inform her.

"You're here," I say in almost shock as I open the door to see Damon.

"You ask I come, I'm easy like that," he replies winking at me. I roll my eyes fighting the urge to hit something. Not surprising at all was the fact I didn't know what I was feeling towards Damon.

"Look we need to talk about Stefan," I tell him as he brushes past me.

Damon groans, "You did not call me over here to talk about my brother."

I cross my arms, "Why else would you be here?" I question, my eyes widening as Damon continues into my house.

"Hey, don't," I shout as he walks into my room. I hit my head with my fist, wishing Elena had done this.

"Nothing like I imagined it," Damon informs me as I step into my room, nervously taking a book from the nearest pile.

"Get off my bed," I yell when I realize he's lying on it, "I have to sleep there."

Damon studies his surroundings making me feel self-conscious, "Have you ever heard of cleaning," he suggests.

"You know what I did not invite you over here so you could come into my room and judge me okay, so be serious for like five seconds," I snap at him.

"What's my little brother done then?" he asks, putting on a serious voice.

"Look me and Elena are worried, he's struggling I just assumed that he'd be better now," I tell him.

Damon shrugs seeming uninterested, "I don't see what the big deal is."

"Try he's not himself," I retort.

"Well maybe his problem is that he's spent to long not being himself," Damon say standing up and grabbing one of my books.

I walk over taking it from him, "Don't make this a mistake," I say glaring at him.

"Elouise, it is what it is. The Stefan you know is good behaviour Stefan, reign it in Stefan, fight against his nature to an annoyingly excessive level Stefan but if you think that there isn't another part to this then you have not been paying attention," he explains to me, fishing through my school stuff.

I sigh, "Look I get it there's clearly a blood thirsty monster inside Stefan but he's better than that, he cares and that's why he'll never be you," I say, putting my hand down on my stuff to stop Damon looking at it.

Damon looks me in the eyes and the effect is shaking, "Your right Stefan does care, so he doesn't want to be me, but it doesn't mean that underneath it all he's not," he tells me, shaking my resolve just a tiny bit. Damon takes a step closer, giving me one last look before leaving. I release my breath quickly not even aware I had been holding it.

"So Damon's just being Damon," Elena guesses, passing my dress for the founder's day kick off.

"Basically," I confirm, running my hands over the blue fabric, "the way Damon's acting though I'm worried," I admit.

"What do you mean?" Elena questions nervously.

"I mean," I shake my head, "you know what its nothing. We don't need any more problems Stefan has it under control. How are you?" I question, changing the subject.

"Good, I told Jeremy I'm adopted today," she tells me.

I nod, "I'm glad, I'm taking he took it well," I guess from the smile on her face.

"Yeah, I'm not even sure why I was worried," she admits.

"Me neither," I agree.

"So Stefan's fine about the fact that Daniel knows," Elena guesses.

"Yeah, why was I worried?" I question laughing.

"So is he coming tonight?" she asks.

I shake my head, "I could not force him to another one of these things though I tried my hardest," I tell her.

"I can't believe you're coming," Elena admits. It was true once again this would be one of the few founder's parties I had been to.

"You'd think I'd leave my favourite cousin to get ready alone," I say, in shock offence.

Elena laughs, "Your mum made you didn't she?"

I shrug, "What can I say the woman is a monster when she wants something."

"Have I entered an alternate universe where Stefan is fun?" Damon questions me as I stand by the bar at the party watching Stefan and Elena dance.

"Will he be okay?" I ask, then wish I hadn't Damon would not give me the answer I wanted to hear.

"Eventually, one way or the other," Damon tells me, as I look at him sighing. "So are you going to dance with me or not Miss Forbes?" Damon asks me holding out his hand.

I look at it fighting the urge to just dance with him and have fun, "One problem, I don't want to dance with you Damon," I say marching off. Walking straight into the path of the infamous John Gilbert.

"Elouise," he greets me, smiling.

"Hey, you're back in town," I guess, cringing at my lame excuse at conversation. I left dancing with Damon for this.

"Yes, how are you?" he asks me.

"Oh yeah fine, great, um I have to talk to mum," I say, seeking a way out of the conversation.

"Of course," John says moving out of my way. I walk past breathing a sigh of relief to be out of that situation.

The party was a disaster for me, I literally kept having to avoid awkward encounters. How the hell did these people even know who I was. I blamed my mother entirely. I step out onto the balcony in desperate need of some air, just in time to see Damon snap John's neck. He almost looks regretful when he sees me, almost. "Unbloodybelievable," I snap before turning around to see Damon in front of me.

"He knew to much," Damon says shrugging.

I nod taking it in, trying to hide my anger, "I know to much too Damon, how about you throw me off the balcony, I mean there's really no difference for you is there?" I question.

"Elouise," Damon starts.

"Don't, I can't deal with this anymore," I mutter stepping around trying to clear my head.

"Hey Elena, Damon just killed you uncle," I tell my reflection trying to work out how to break it to Elena and wondered if she'd care. "More subtle," I suggest to myself, jumping at the sound of someone knocking. "Coming out," I call, pushing my hair out of my face and making my way back to the party. I stop in my tracks when I see a very much alive John Gilbert take the stage, "What the," I mutter to myself my eyes being drawn to his ring, that looks a tad to much like Alaric's to be a coincidence. "Why'd I even come tonight?" I mutter to myself.

"Because I asked you too," Mum says from behind me, I turn to face her smiling.

"You look beautiful like always," mum tells me.

I laugh, "You have to say that, but thanks," I mutter.

"Are you alright?" mum questions me, with a worried look on her face.

I sigh, my eye catching Damon talk to Alaric, "I think I'm way too old to be asking my mother for advice," I admit.

"I won't tell anyone," she promises. I smile, checking the room to make sure Damon and his vampire ears were out of hearing. I'm in luck, he's walked off.

"Okay what do you do when you know someone has done bad things, but yet you kind of feel that underneath it all their a good person, that maybe they have done nothing to earn your friendship but somehow you think they'll be better with it," I question mum, wishing I'd never said anything as soon as the word left my lips.

"I think," mum says pausing, "that if you think that there's someone good there you should trust your instincts, but don't expect to change them. You can try but it's a good chance you'll be disappointed."

"Wow, I'm kind of shocked," I admit, surprised at her advice.

"Also if this person does bad stuff I'd rather you didn't spend a lot of time with them, I trust you Elouise but not that much," she admits, giving me a kiss on the forehead. I laugh, glad to hear the words from my mother, sometimes normal felt kind of great.

"So Damon killed John Gilbert, but he has the same magical ring that Alaric has, so he's alive," Daniel repeats making sure he got everything, "damn I kind of wish I had been there." I

laugh, "No you don't," I tell him.

"And Stefan?" he questions, I guess sensing my worry for him.

"Elena called not that long ago, he's not okay," I mutter, grabbing a chocolate biscuit from our elaborate setup of bad food.

"I'm sorry," Daniel says sincerely.

"Don't be, we'll work it out," I say firmly.

Daniel nods before looking at the couch, "Why are you sleeping in the longue?" he asks me confused.

I shrug, "I had to change the sheets on my bed," I inform him.

Daniel looks at me confused, "Not following, so what are you thinking about Damon?" he questions almost nervously.

I grin, "I'm so glad you asked. I am going to try and be his friend in the hopes that my awesome friendship," I wink at Daniel, "will mend the wounds caused by Rose and Katherine. However I am well aware that this might not work and I am prepared to be disappointed because you know I'm mature like that."