WDWG - Chapter 32: Disappointment

Giles was extremely busy over the next couple days arranging their stay at the estate and ensuring everything was ready for the visit from the Council Board members since they would be staying overnight on their inspection of the house and grounds. It seemed to Buffy that as he went about the business of the estate, he walked a little taller and his demeanor became a bit more aloof. She asked if there was anything she could help with, but he just thanked her and waved her away.

With her fiancé otherwise engaged, Buffy had taken the time to explore the village and meet people. She'd also started jogging on the trails that crossed through the countryside leading from one farm to another and was surprised to find that if she ran two miles or so in any direction, she was in yet another self contained and tidy little village. It was so different from the suburban sprawl of southern California and she was determined to learn all about her surroundings and the local villages that dotted the countryside around her. They were well within her ability distance wise, she just needed to pick a direction and go.

Coming home from a cross country run, she passed an expensive black car with tinted windows screeching its tires as it left their driveway. They hadn't had visitors to the house yet and Giles hadn't told her he was expecting company. Since she couldn't see through the glass as the car drove by, she became alarmed and increased her speed as she ran towards the house.

Throwing open the front door, she called breathlessly, "Giles? Giles?" She ran to the library knowing that most likely he would be in there. "Giles?" she called out again. He wasn't there and her worry increased.

She quickly checked all the rooms in the house, not finding him in any of them. Panic started to spread through her and she ran back down the stairs, colliding with Giles just as he stepped through the front door. They both landed with a thud as books were strewn across the entranceway. She looked up, caught sight of her fiancé's confused face, and threw her arms around him uttering a stream of nonsense.

Returning her embrace Giles asked, "What on earth? Buffy, darling, what is it?"

"Black car... tinted windows... I thought... I just thought... I couldn't find you!" she tried, unable to continue when a small sob escaped her throat.

"Oh no, love, no!" he answered reassuringly, giving her a gentle kiss on the lips. "I had visitors. Matthew Sharpe and Gerard Evans are the Butler and the Estate Manager for my father's... the estate," he corrected, "and I needed to look over the ledgers for the past couple years in preparation for the transition to Council ownership. They were kind enough to drive them over."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know. I was talking with Sharpe about some accounting and it had been our third call of the day about such matters so he offered to bring them over since it's less than forty-five minutes from here. All this occurred after you had left. Why did you assume the worst? We're safe here, I promise."

"I... I guess you're not the only one with issues." Buffy sighed in frustration. "Sometimes it's like all of this... you... it's just too good to be true, you know?"

They were both so battle weary, every time either of them had experienced a modicum of happiness, it had been ripped away; Angel had turned, Jenny was murdered. There were scars upon scars burned into their souls, keeping them from trusting in their newfound happily-ever-after.

Giles pulled her closer, echoing her concern, "I know. God, how I know..."

They sat there quietly entwined in each other's arms while Buffy relaxed, and after a few minutes she stirred and gave him an apologetic look, "Ugh, I'm all sweaty and a mess."

"I'm not worried about that. The loss of blood in my legs will be a problem soon, however," he said with a bit of a grimace. "Alright now?"

Buffy looked at the floor and her voice held a slightly embarrassed tone, "Yeah, thanks." Standing up she offered him a hand. "I should go shower now."

Taking her hand, Giles stood upright and gave her a quick kiss on the nose. "I'll put these ledgers away and we'll walk into the village to have dinner at the pub after you've cleaned up. I'm afraid I've neglected you too much over the past few days with all this other business."

"I'd like that. I've missed your company."

"I'm sorry," he apologized, rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand. Lifting it to his lips, the gallant gentleman kissed her palm. "Off you go. I promise not to keep you waiting."

XxXxXxXx

Returning to their table with drinks, Giles handed Buffy her diet soda before he sat down, "Still won't try the beer?"

"It's not cold," she replied, her green eyes flashing with mischief as she teased him.

"That's not entirely true. It's just not... frosty."

"Maybe next time."

"Fair enough."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Buffy started. "I ran into Father Knowles today while I was out running. Well, not literally, not like I ran into you. He was in the church yard and when he saw me, he called me over. Oh! I never asked if you were okay. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Giles tried not to grin as he took the seat opposite from her in the booth. He always found her rambling absolutely adorable. "And how is the good father?"

Looking relieved, the blonde responded, "You know... religious-y. Nice guy though. He said he'd heard rumors of our engagement and wanted to know when we were going to stop by."

"We should have done before now," her fiancé remarked, taking a sip of his stout.

"Well, we've been busy."

"Still, it's not as if we can get a license and be married the next day. Things are done a bit differently here."

"We should've stopped in Vegas," she teased.

"Don't start. The last time this came up, you were wanting to postpone for the upper class wedding event of the year," Giles retorted, though his features were soft and his pale green eyes twinkling in the low light of the pub.

"It's a woman's prerogative to be fickle, Ru, especially about her wedding. Deal with it."

"Yes, dear," the groom-to-be snarked before continuing in his normal tone. "We'll invite the vicar round for tea when we get back."

Reaching out to hold his hand Buffy asked, "Are you alright? I mean... with all the estate stuff?"

Giles took her proffered hand and lovingly rubbed his thumb across the knuckles, grateful for her support and her concern. "Surprisingly so. Right now it's all about piecing together a story of a place, it's rather abstract and much like research. I'm sure when I walk through the door things will be rather different, but I'll have you with me and we'll get through it together."

"You know it, mister!" she exclaimed, squeezing his hand for effect and enjoying the connection between them.

"I do. Thank you," he answered, letting go of her hand as the waitress set their plates in front of them.

"Anything else, Sir? Miss?" the young woman asked politely.

"Nope, looks great, thanks," the blonde replied, looking over her meal of roasted chicken, potatoes, and garden peas while Giles shook his head and stared longingly at the huge strip steak and jacket potato set before him. "Your steak smells divine," Buffy commented.

"It does, doesn't it?" he answered with a smirk, cutting a piece and savoring it. "Oh, was that a hint? Do you want a piece?"

"You're an ass," she commented with a giggle. "No, I don't, but if you want to share, that would be nice."

He laughed. "You can say yes, you know. Try it... it's not hard..." Raising his voice, he mimicked, "'Yes, Ru, I'd like a bite of steak.'"

"I repeat, you are an ass."

"You like my arse," Giles said matter-of-factly, taking another bite.

Buffy sighed, "Yes, yes, I do. And I love you despite you acting like a jackass."

Cutting a piece of steak for her and placing it on her plate, he urged, "There, give it a try, it is wonderful."

"Thank you. You may sleep in the master bedroom with me tonight," the Slayer said magnanimously.

"Only sleep? It's a damned fine steak!"

Looking up at her fiancé, Buffy burst out laughing. "You're insatiable!" When she tried the piece he gave her, she conceded, "Wow! That is a good steak. Share a dessert with me and we'll negotiate for more than just sleep."

"Something chocolate then?" Giles asked with a toothy grin.

"Do you even have to ask?"

XxXxXxXx

The following morning Giles arose early and decided to go into town for pastries, milk, juice, and coffee. Buffy had switched him over to coffee at breakfast and they both took tea in the afternoons, and, as a consequence, the small supply of coffee he had in the house had run out. He lightly kissed her on the cheek before heading out, leaving a note on his pillow letting her know he'd be back in a couple hours.

When he returned from his errands, he brewed the coffee and assembled the tray full of breakfast goodies to take upstairs to their bedroom. Taking a moment to look out the kitchen window he noticed that Buffy was sitting on the bench at the far end of the garden overlooking the rolling landscape. Changing directions Giles picked up the tray and walked out to the patio where he placed it on the outdoor dining table before walking down the path in between the flower beds and the vegetable garden.

As he approached, he noticed that her shoulders shook and he quickened his pace, stopping only when he was about two meters away to announce his presence.

"Buffy, are you alright? What's happened?" he asked with concern, slowly walking towards her. "Is it ... is there bad news from the States?"

"It's ... it's stupid, Giles," she said, wanting to dismiss the subject entirely but knowing he'd never allow that.

Giles. Something was bothering her. He continued his progress and crouched down on his haunches before her, his eyebrows knitted together, lips pressed in a fine line, and he gently wiped a tear from her cheek.

Placing his other hand on her knee, he spoke softly, "It's not stupid if it has you so upset, love. Tell me."

Buffy kept her gaze on her hands, afraid that if she looked into his eyes she would burst out sobbing again. Trying to neutralize her emotions, she shrugged. "It's ... don't worry ... it's just that time of the month."

"Oh," the worried fiancé said in a moment of relief, glad that none of their friends were in trouble or that Buffy hadn't hurt herself or something, and then he understood, immediately responding with, "Oh!"

He raised himself up, seated himself next to her on the bench, and pulled her into a loving embrace. Pushing past the lump in his throat, he murmured, "I am so sorry, my darling, so, so sorry!"

She fisted her hand into his shirt and sobbed into his shoulder, "I-I knew the timing was off ... that the possibility was remote... but... I wanted..."

He wanted to cry with her, but if ever there was time for that British resolve, now was that time. He'd been hoping she would come to him with different news, had expected it any day now, really. The more they'd settled into a routine, the more he had considered the possibility, and he'd tried so hard not to allow himself to get caught up in the idea. But that hadn't been easy. Over the last few days he'd even entertained the idea that maybe she'd experienced the weakness and shortness of breath because she was pregnant, and he'd again berated himself for pushing her so hard in training. Not knowing what to say, he'd figured it best to let her broach the subject.

Now Giles needed to approach the situation with a level of detachment, knowing that she needed him to be strong for her, and his heart broke as she wept in his arms while he quietly rocked her and whispered words of love and nonsense in her ear.

When she stilled, she quietly asked, "You're not going to tell me that it's for the best, that there have been enough changes in our lives? Enough stress?"

"No, Buffy, no!" he reassured, slightly hurt and taken aback. "I mean... I had hoped... as well..."

He stopped himself before going on, knowing that she was trying to rationalize the disappointment in her head even if she didn't want to. He was an easy target because in his role as her Watcher, that had been his job. But at that moment, he was her partner, her lover, sharing her heartache and she'd come to realize that too after a while.

"I shouldn't be this upset, I know that. It's not like we were trying or anything and the timing wasn't exactly ideal. And I know that other people... God, how selfish am I?"

"Shh." He held her tighter and lifted her chin so he could see her face. "This isn't about other people. This is about you... a-and us, and what we want. Buffy, ever since you stood in the back bedroom and said it was to be the nursery... I... whenever I pass by that room, in my mind, I see you rocking in a chair, cooing to our child, all your attention focused on the little one, and it steals my breath. I want this for us, love. I am sorry it didn't happen for us this time."

This time. She'd caught that. Seeing the sorrow and the sincerity in his eyes, Buffy gently kissed his lips and leaned into him again. "Just hold me?"

"Always," he replied, wrapping his arms around her and resting his cheek against the top of her head.