All I could see was a little bean shaped blob and really, I had no clue what I was even looking at. Ben was squinting at it too, trying to figure out what it was.
The doctor pointed at the screen and said, "here's the head and here's the bottom. Those little dots on the side are the arm buds and they'll be growing every day. You're right where you should be for 8 weeks, guys. Your baby looks perfect.
Baby. My BABY. Oh my gosh, I couldn't believe that I had an actual life inside of me and I was going to be a mom.
As we walked out to the car, I asked Ben, "How are you holding up?"
He replied, "I'm in shock right now."
"Me too," I said.
He gave me a small smile though and said, "but that was kind of exciting too."
I smiled back before saying, "I'm sorry I did this to you. I wasn't planning on ruining your life."
He shook his head no before saying, "you aren't ruining my life. It's just.."
I asked, "but do you even want this?"
"No. No I don't," he said.
I remained silent but then he added, "but it is what it is and it's your choice. I guess I'm just going to have to try and make this work. Stay at your place for a bit, maybe and let me look for a new place? It won't be as nice, but.."
"You want me to move in with you?!" I cried.
"Well, yeah eventually."
"Are you sure?" I asked.
He gave me a hug, kissed me on the lips, pulled back and then said, "Well, guess I should ask..will you be my girlfriend? Officially?"
Jeez, I never thought I'd have someone ask me to be their girlfriend after I was pregnant with their baby but I answered, "Yes. Of course."
He hugged me again and whispered to me, "We'll figure this out, ok?"
I started crying and said back, "Ok."
We didn't talk much on the way back to my place. I mean, what else was there to say? I just put my head back and stared out of the window.
So, I guess I'm going to have a baby. Yes, with someone I barely know and someone who I met under really inappropriate conditions, but he's trying and I'm trying. I don't love him, though. Not at all but we do have 7 more months to get to know each other better. Maybe that will change.
I never thought I'd get myself into a situation like this but here I am. I know I'm a smart girl and I feel lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life. I know my parents will come around and I'll always have Claudia. I really don't know what will happen with Ben but I just hope it all works out. Now I just need to be strong. Just like I always am..
..and just like I always will be.
THE END