Chapter 20 – Ten Days

My fingers drifted on the other side of the bed as I was searching for her in my sleep but she wasn't there. She was in the hospital. It had been two days since I had said ten days to the doctor. Two. She showed no worse progressions and no better.

She didn't have another seizure and the shunt was working. I rolled onto my stomach as the sun was starting to peak through the curtains as I looked at her vacant spot. Yesterday, I was in a surprising good mood all day, I had made a vow though to keep it positive. She hasn't died; we don't need to act like it. We didn't need to cry all day and we didn't need to freak out.

Diagnose was different. The shocking words of she might die were hard to hear but they upped her survival by ten percent. Everyday she lives through was a couple more until we meet the ten-day deadline of when we will take her off. We had eight days and the only thing keeping me going as her organs haven't completely failed on her. Her kidneys are the only things they were really worried about. The life support machine also stabilized her but right now she was okay.

I stood up from the bed as I thought about losing her and everything inside of me cramped. I got into the shower as I took a long one before I got out, I then dressed and I put on a hat, as I didn't want to do anything with my hair. I picked up my keys as I was going to visit Gabi earlier this morning; I needed to see her after a shitty night of sleep. I slipped on a pair of shoes as my parents were sleeping in the guest room as the younger girls were becoming harder to control.

I went to get into my car as I drove around as I tried to think of how I was going to handle everything. I needed to be there for the girls but it was also hard to be there for Liam and Wes. My mind spun in about a hundred and fifty directions.

I got a drink from Starbucks and tapped my foot against the ground. I drove around the city once more as I was ready to see Gabi but I wasn't ready to see her fighting for her life. If she made it through today, I felt like we had a fighting chance. She could go brain dead on us but she hasn't. She is fighting.

Pulling into the hospital I rubbed my forehead, I knew she would hate me forever if I kept her alive like this but a small part of my brain knew that this is what I would want her to do if this was me. Don't give up on me.

Slowly, I walked into the hospital as I had sent her mom and Kyle an email of all of the details. They replied about getting on the next flight here and I didn't protest. They needed to be here in case something did happen. I checked in and then walked up to the nursing station. A nurse from Friday looked up at me with a smile, "Mr. Bolton, how are you this morning?"

"I'll be better once you tell me how Gabi is,"

"She pulled through another night." She replied, "Everything looks to be okay right now, her kidney functions went up a bit," I perked up at the news and she smiled, "It's small but it is something to be hopeful about."

"Thank you,"

I pushed off the desk as I went into the hospital room, I wanted to be with her twenty four seven, I needed to be here a lot but I also needed to try and keep things calm at the house. Emma and Liam were already taking it hard and I didn't need panic to set in with the young girls.

She hadn't moved since the first time I had seen her, her chest moving in rhythm to the machine that was keeping her alive right now. I pulled my chair close to the bed as I grabbed her hand as I stroked it gently; she had her port accessed and an IV dripping medications into her. "Brie, I don't know what world you are in right now but I need you back in my world, I want you back in my world." I paused thinking of the things the kids have said to me over the past few days.

"Wes," I paused, "Wes makes a lot of sense right now and the other night, he asked me why do bad things happen to good people and he told me how you are the best mom out there. How you are just perfect but all of these bad things just keep happening and I told him that with every bad thing, ten great things happen in our lives. It's hard to see them after that little bad thing but they are these moments in life that you can't just ignore and right now, we aren't in a good place but we are keeping positive Brie,"

I stroked her hand, "Help me keep them positive please because I can't bare to see Liam fall apart on me, I can't bare to see Emma lose her world, to see Wes lose faith, to watch Alli lose a mother, to see Lauren to never remember." I kissed her temple, "I can't bare with you not in my life,"

Her breathing was constant as I looked at her; she was so beautiful even in the worst state I might have ever seen her in. She looked just as magical as she did on our wedding day.

"I love you Brie,"

Liam's POV

Emma curled up next to me as she played with her hands nervously, "What do we do?"

"We need to talk to dad,"

"Why?"

"He and Grandma Lucille keep talking in hushed voices over something and when we come around they change the subject. He isn't telling us something,"

"Maybe he shouldn't tell us something," Emma argued, "Em, come on, our mom is dying."

"Liam, stop saying it,"

"Get a grip on reality," I snapped, "This isn't a reality Liam! This is a nightmare!" I looked at her as she stood up, "Alexa told me you went over to see her the other night,"

"So what?"

"Why didn't you come to me like you normally would have?"

"Em, I didn't want to make you upset again, I could hear you crying,"

"Bullshit,"

"Maybe I wanted to see Alexa,"

"Do you like her?"

"No," I bit on my tongue after saying the word, "Why does it even matter?"

"Because, she is my friend. I don't date your friends,"

"You don't get to date period,"

She looked away quickly and I knew what came through her brain, "Em,"

"Mom can't die, she can't leave me with you and dad."

"Can we please just stop talking about it?"

"What, get a grip on reality Liam!"

"STOP,"

Emma and I turned around to see Wes in the doorway, his face upset in everyway, "Stop talking about mom like she is already dead, she isn't dead, Dad said she is going to be fine and will come home in a couple of weeks, mommy isn't dead I know she isn't going to die because she told me. She told me," he said, he looked at both of us as Emma and I shared a look.

"Wes, we didn't mean,"

"No, you guys act like it's the end of the world, mom will be okay,"

"Wes," Emma tried but she had no success as he began to talk about when she came home what he would do. "Wes, bud, mom may never wake up," I finally said, he looked at me with a confused look, "Dad said it was just a couple of days,"

I bowed my head, "It might not be,"

"Stop lying!"

"I'm not lying Wes! Dad is lying to you about how sick mom is!"

He looked at me and then backed away, "No! Mom is going to be fine! Just watch!"

He turned and ran away as Emma looked at me, her eyes wide, "What the hell is wrong with you Liam? Did you just say those things to him?"

"Dad is lying to all of us about how sick mom is! He acts like we don't see it,"

"He has told us everything Liam! He has let us see her! He is trying but he is trying to protect them and you just go and ruin any hope that kid had," she looked at me and slammed the door as she walked out. I closed my eyes and I rubbed them. He needed to know the truth.

Troy's POV

I walked in the door after my morning with Gabi with somewhat silence until Wes came out of his room looking at me; he had been upset over something. "Did you lie to me?" he asked, I turned my head, "What are you talking about bud?"

"Did you lie to me about mom!" he asked louder, his voice rising as I looked surprised as this wasn't the Wes I knew. "Wes, I don't know what you are talking about," I confessed as I moved forward but he moved backwards, away from me.

"Liam said that mom is dying! That she isn't ever going to wake up! You told me she will in a few days!" he looked at me with his hard blue eyes, "Wes, I didn't lie to you, your brother doesn't know what he is talking about,"

"Yes he does! You tell him everything and you tell me stupid things so I don't get hurt, I'm 13 Dad! I can handle it!" I rubbed my chin, "Wes, you need to go cool down,"

"No!" he stormed past me and up the stairs, "Wes," I reached for his elbow as he slipped through my grasp. "No! Leave me alone you liar!" I felt my eyes go wide as I took a long breathe before I knocked on Liam's door.

"What?"

I opened the door as I shut it behind me; he was lying on his bed playing video games. "Are you fucking shitting me right now?" he looked over at me surprised, "What?"

"What in the hell did you tell your brother?"

Liam swallowed hard, "I told him the truth, unlike you,"

"What is the truth Liam?" I asked, "Because God Damn, I would love to fucking know what the hell it is!"

"Mom is dying! How about you figure it out dad! She is dying, our mom, your wife, is dying,"

My jaw tightened, "Liam, that is so uncalled for,"

"Is it?"

"Your mom is fighting for her life right now and you are here acting like it's over Liam. This is not over, I am giving your brother hope to hold on to but you literally crushed it with probably five words. You need to learn how to let other people hold on to hope you need to let other people be okay for five minutes. This world isn't about Liam, right now this house hurts a lot and it's not fair for you to ruin the slim shot of hope that he has because yes, maybe she is dying Liam, maybe she dies and our world fucking falls apart around us but I see you don't care. I see that you have moved on already,"

His mouth twitched as I looked at him, "He needs to know the truth dad!"

"He knew the truth Liam! He knows she isn't healthy, he knows it could be bad but he asked me if it could all be okay and I told him yes. There is a 25% shot that she makes it out of this alive, there is hope in this world Liam, and I was giving him that 25%. He is thirteen. He may think he can handle every bare truth in the world when even I keep some of the small things away from you too because I know you can't handle it,"

"How do you know?" he challenged, "Because I can't handle them Liam, it's hard for even me to handle it. It is the hardest thing to know what might go wrong, how much time we have, what it could all turn out to be because I don't need you fearing for every second of every day, counting down hours until something might happen. That is my job, you don't get to know everything because I am protecting you,"

"I don't need protecting," he argued, "Damn it, Liam,"

I turned to leave, as my jaw was tight, my whole body tense, "What the hell is wrong with you? The Liam I knew would have completely protected his brother, the Liam I knew would have carried on that simple fantasy that I had built in his head to keep him from freaking out every time the damn phone rang, but apparently we turn 16 and we are unbeatable. Think about others Liam, it's not just about you anymore."

"When was it ever about me dad? I have had a sibling since I was two!"

"Jesus, Liam,"

"How about you go back to protecting your other kids from the hard reality and leave me alone,"

My hand twitched on the door, "You have no right to talk to me like that,"

"What are you going to do about it dad? My mom is halfway dead,"

I bit on my tongue as I finally just walked out of the room, the door slamming shut behind me as I let my back lean against the wall. I took several deep breaths as there were not many times in my fatherhood where I wanted to hit my child but I could count a couple of times and there was the one that I really had the strongest urge to.

Pushing away from the wall, I went upstairs as Emma sat on the couch, her eyes wide as I knew she had listened to the whole exchange. My mom looked at me, "Does anybody know where Wes went?"

"He walked out of the front door about fifteen minutes ago,"

"Fuck," I swore, I reached for my keys as I flew out of the room, "Troy,"

"He left most likely, he was upset,"

"I know, that's why I didn't follow him, he looked like he could use a minute."

I started my car as I waved, "I'll be back,"

Leaving the driveway, I kept my eyes out for him, as he didn't get far from the house. I searched the sidewalks before I saw his bright green tennis shoes moving quickly down the sidewalk, I pulled up close to him as I rolled down the window. "Wes,"

"I'm going to see mom," he said clearly, I sighed, "Get in, I'll take you to her,"

"You are probably lying, you'll just take me home,"

"No, we will keep going, Wes, I promise," he looked at me as I pressed on the brakes, "Come on bud," he looked at me with a hard gaze, "Okay," he said, "You promise?"

"I promise," I felt my shoulder slouch in defeat of something I didn't want to do. I unlocked the car as he climbed inside; I kept going on the same path as he squirmed in the front seat. "I want to talk about something first before you get to see her,"

"Okay,"

"I didn't lie to you Wes," he looked at me, "I know Liam said some stuff and he is right too. We both are. He just said the scary truth to what might happen to your mom, I told you the happy truth to what might happen to her." He looked at me almost confused, "Liam said she was basically dead,"

"Liam is wrong Wes, nobody knows how she truly is. It's all up to her buddy,"

"He said you lie about how sick mom is,"

The more I hear the more pissed off I become at Liam. I pulled into the hospital parking lot as I stared out at the hospital. "Liam is really upset right now at the world Wes and I wish he wouldn't have said the things he said to you because I know you think you can handle everything that we may know but really, I wish, all I knew was that she was going to wake up in a couple of days. That's all I want to know myself but I have so much information and numbers and these things I have to keep straight and if we don't meet something then something could happen and it's stressful and I don't want that to happen to you. I want you to be okay and I don't lie about how sick your mom is, I told you she was pretty sick right?"

He nodded, "She is really sick and I don't know what's going to happen, good or bad, but we will know soon though. We will know," he looked down, "I didn't mean to yell Dad,"

"I know you didn't,"

He looked at me as I sighed, "Wes, what you might see in there, it's a lot. There is a lot of machines and stuff, it freaks me out a little bit but I promised I would take you up here. You should get to see your mom too."

"Okay,"

"You just tell me when you are ready to leave,"

He nodded as we both walked into the hospital together; I waved at the nurses as Wes clung to my side. I opened the door to her room as a doctor was in their checking on her, Wes stopped as he looked at her, every eye scanning the machines to see if he could do something to help her. I rested my hand on the back of his shoulder as he looked up.

"Mommy wouldn't like this,"

"I know," I told him, he moved to go over to her side as he sat down, I leaned against the back wall as he sat on the chair, "Hi mommy,"

He touched her hand, "Daddy said you were pretty sick, I can see with all of your machines. I read a book before that when people are asleep like this they can hear the person like in a dream, it's interesting how they explained it," he paused, "I don't always play video games, I like to read to," I chuckled as I shook my head, "Dad also said that you get to decide if you live or die, good or bad truth," I straighten, "and when he told me I knew that everything was going to be okay because if you get to chose that means you will come back to me and dad and Liam, Lauren, Emma and Alli because you love us all. You love us too much to leave right now,"

A nurse started to walk in but stopped, "You are too pretty too, Daddy still needs you and I think you should come back because we all need you. You are the peanut butter; you keep us all stuck together. Liam and Dad are already fighting and Emma is sad. I don't like it. So if you wake up soon mommy, I'll do the dishes for two weeks without complaining."

I laughed again as the nurse looked to be close to tears, "I love you mom, can you please come back to us, you are a good person mom, like dad said, one bad thing happens and ten good things happen. I want a good thing. Please wake up, please be better," he kissed her cheek, "I love you mom,"

He then looked at her for a few seconds and I licked my lower lip, Wes turned around as he smiled, "I'm ready,"

I raised my eyebrow, "Yea?"

"Yea, I just had to tell her that,"

"Alright,"

Returning back to the house, Wes went back to his room as I went upstairs. Emma and my mom looked at me, "I have a damn good kid," I said shaking my head, "Thanks," Emma said with a smile, "You and your younger brother,"

"Yea, the screaming match with Liam didn't make me think him." Emma said, "What did Wes do?"

"He talked to Gabi and I just, the things that he can make sense of amazes me. The way he words things and he is just so calm in every situation. He sat down and talked to Gabi, put a nurse into tears as he watched him because he just knows what to say. He was saying how she gets to decide if she gets to live or die and he knew that she was going to live because she loves us too much to die."

My mom looked at me, "I believe him. I don't think she is going anywhere,"

"Love is powerful,"

"It is,"

"We have eight days,"

"Eight days?"

I looked at Emma as I sighed, "I guess I might as well tell you, if your mom isn't significantly better in eight days we are going to take her off life support," Emma looked at me, her eyes growing and I rested my hand on her leg. "I was told this morning that her kidney function is looking better, it's looking up Em, it's still over a week away, and when we get closer we will sit down as a family and talk about it. I'm not just going to do it, but your mom doesn't want to live like that. Ten days is probably too many but I'm not letting her go too easily. I'm going to fight for her, okay?" she nodded, "We'll talk about it more later,"

I hugged her, as she didn't move out of my grasp as I just held her because sometimes, the only thing to get you through a day was a good hug.

Six days and nothing had changed in the past two days; my nerves were building up, as we didn't have enough to support that she as getting better. 100% better. I wish I did because I need her to be getting 100% better.

I sat down in the office as it was late at night, I had been with Gabi most of the day, Emma and Wes were up there with me as we hung around and tried to give the room a positive vibe hoping Gabi would love that. Liam and I had barely exchanged five words with each other over the past day, putting a strain on my shoulders as Liam and I rarely fought.

Standing up, I walked down the hallway as I opened his bedroom door. He looked up and then back down towards his phone. "Liam,"

"I don't want to talk,"

I rubbed my chin as I looked at him, "Liam, come on,"

"No, I don't,"

"Okay,"

I began to back away as I went back to the office, I sat down as I let my head fall into my hands, how was I going to do this? It just didn't seem possible to be a single dad to these five kids. I couldn't do this without Gabi, God; I just wanted to kiss her.

Standing up, I went into the garage until I came across a box, I then pulled out a basketball, the basketball she had bought my so long ago during our dating years. I bounced it once seeing it needed air; I went over and pumped air into the ball until it was hard enough to bounce. I rolled onto my feet and I went outside to the basketball court, I shot around for a while each beat of the ball making some of the stress melt away.

I went up as I let the ball circle and fall through the hoop. I picked it up as I pressed my lips together, "Dad," I looked up to see Liam, "Can I play?"

I nodded as I passed him the ball, he grabbed it as we went into silent play for a while, and we just played, not saying much to each other as we moved around the court. When I made a shot and he retrieved the ball, he stopped, "I'm sorry," he said, his eyes looked up and then looked back down to the ground, "I'm sorry for how I acted, it was stupid and I shouldn't have said the things I said,"

"I'm glad,"

"But I don't know what to feel. I don't want to get my hopes up about mom living when I knew she might die,"

"Liam, she is alive right now. She is living and fighting,"

"Can she even breathe on her own?"

"Right now, no,"

"Then how,"

"We all one day couldn't breath on our own, we needed help. At least once, we have needed someone to help us and right now your mom needs a lot of help but tomorrow, we could walk into that hospital room and we have a fifty fifty shot of what to expect. We could hear the worst news of our lives or we could hear exactly what we want to hear. It's a gamble I take everyday walking into the hospital but I am not giving up on her,"

"Liam, she is beating cancer, she was beating cancer. The chemo was working and it was all working, this is a freak thing she picked up in the public that we are all going to have to get treated for because of how contagious it is. It's hard. It's hard everyday to see her suffer but that doesn't mean we can change who we are and to make other people feel bad when you feel bad,"

"I tried to call Rayne because she would understand what I am feeling and she wont answer,"

"I'm sorry,"

"I feel like I have no one to talk to,"

"You can talk to me,"

"I know I can talk to you but you have four other kids, you have to spend a lot of time at the hospital and I want you to be with mom because mom doesn't deserve to be alone. It's just hard with so many of us feeling the same emotion, I just wanted Rayne to tell me how to feel,"

"Nobody can tell you how to feel Liam, you just do,"

"I feel like I have changed a lot over this summer,"

"It happens,"

"I want it to stop,"

"Changing isn't always bad,"

"It's not good either,"

"Sometimes it is, we change and we have to figure out how to become the person we want to be again, it's a path we all took and you are in a hard period of life along with everything else we have to deal with, I think you are doing extraordinary Liam,"

"Thanks Dad,"

I nodded as I reached forward and stole the basketball, "Got it,"

"That's not fair!"

I laughed as I shot the ball and it sank through the hoop, "Like a champ,"

I sat next to Gabi's bed as we were down to five days. Her kidney function had gone up again as I took it as another positive sign. I stroked her hand and I leaned forward, my face growing closer to hers. She hadn't really been alone the past couple of days; her mom and brother were in town. If I wasn't here one of those two were. If they weren't my mom or dad was, somebody was constantly with her, besides in the evening making me feeling a little bit better.

"Troy," I looked up to see Dr. Roads walk in with Dr. Johnny following him, "Jesus," he said under his breath, I stood up as I shook their hands, "Man Troy, I really hope she pulls through, I can't imagine what is going through your mind."

"It's been a tough couple of days,"

"That's what we are hear to talk about, her functioning organs keep dropping,"

"You said everything was looking better this morning,"

"It isn't looking so well right now,"

"It's a fluke, she is getting better,"

"Troy, she hasn't breathed on her own in a couple of days, it's not looking well, Gabi and I have talked before about extending her life,"

"We have five more days," I protested, "I am not making any decisions for five more days,"

"Roads, I support him. We can't make a choice on one bad count, if they were up this morning,"

"Johnny, I get it, you guys love her. I, as her oncologist and doctor have to look at it from the quality of life,"

"It's been five days, my kids need five more days before we make any choices here."

"Okay, okay," he backed down, "I'm pulling for her Troy, I'm doing everything I know how to do to bring her back to us. The organ failure isn't helping, she is just shutting down."

"It's okay," I said, "Like my thirteen year old said, her love is too strong to let go."

"Troy, this is down to science,"

"This is down to her and to everything but science. Like you said, you have done everything you can. We have been through too much shit in our lives for meningitis to tear it apart and ruin us all. This isn't about science anymore Dr. Roads, this is about faith and her."

Another long day at the hospital as I returned home, the Danforth's and Evans were scattered around my house as Zeke and Chad looked at me. "She is hanging in there," I said with a shrug, Liam and Emma came running for updates as I told them what they wanted to hear. Chad handed me a beer as I sat down at the table.

"The doctor wanted me to start making choices today," I said as I let my hands clasp behind my neck, "Choices?"

"If I want to remove her from life support," I said as I took a drink of my beer, "And I don't think I'll be ready in five days let alone today,"

"I hate that you gave yourself a time table, "my mom said, "If I didn't I would keep her on that machine forever,"

"I think it was smart. After ten days, we all know Gabi wouldn't want anything,"

"I really want to extend it to thirty days. I just, I don't want to make a stupid mistake and know that she might wake up on day eleven and we are too late."

"That's why you would keep her on forever because it could be the next day," Taylor remarked, I sighed as I peeled at the label on my beer, "I'm exhausted guys, I haven't slept since the night before,"

"Go to bed, we'll take care of the kids and we can do the early run tomorrow morning," Gabi's mom said, I shook my head, "I could go to bed now but I wouldn't sleep. I would toss and turn and wish I was doing something else. I have tried everything to help."

I looked down at the table, "Do you guys remember when she was pregnant with Emma and came down with the flu?"

"Oh Jesus," Jenni said, "That was crazy. I have never seen her so sick before."

"God, she doesn't get sick that often but hell, when she does she goes all out,"

"She had the crazy bed rest with Liam, flu with Emma, worst case of strep throat I have ever seen, cancer, the car accident, and now this," I snorted, "She should write a book,"

"Go Hard or Go Home,"

The group laughed as I laid back, "She is going to be okay, I just, I have this feeling."

Liam's POV

"Lex, what do we do?" I asked she looked up at me, "What are you talking about?"

"We are denying feelings,"

"Emma said you didn't like me," she accused, I looked at her as she smiled, "You actually listen to Emma,"

"According to her, the words came right out of your mouth."

"They did but really I was biting on my tongue saying you fool, you like her."

Alexa smiled, "Liam, I think we need to wait, I mean you are emotional over your mom and what if you are just looking for somebody?"

"Alexa, this started before my mom was sick,"

"I know but right now, let's not okay?"

"Okay," I agreed, I crept up close to her as I touched her wrist; "I know you were calling Rayne that night,"

"Yea, what about it?"

"You just were looking for her, you liked her,"

"Yea, I did like her but she left and she doesn't want to talk to me apparently. I like you Alexa,"

She sighed, "Emma told me how I could never date her brother,"

"Well Emma isn't the boss of us,"

"Of course not but I don't want to ruin that relationship,"

"Like you said, let's wait it out,"

"Yea, let's,"

Troy's POV

I buried my face into my hands as I looked up at Gabi, four. We were down to four days and panic was beginning to set into my body. I was becoming more emotional and it was harder to keep a positive attitude with the kids. I pressed my lips together as I shook my head as I grabbed her hand, "Come on Brie, you have scared the living shit out of me, we can go and move to wherever the hell you want to move, we can do whatever the hell you want, I just, I need you to wake up. I need you to start breathing and moving,"

Her face was so pale, her body so tired looking, and I rubbed my face with my hands. I was supposed to leave in about an hour, my mom taking over as I looked at her shaking my head. It had been over a week since I had heard her voice and I felt like I was already dying on the inside. I felt like I was losing her and she was right there in front of me. I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown; my body was worn, as I hadn't slept in over a week.

I looked at her as I sat on the edge of her bed, I kissed her forehead softly, and my hand touched his face as I traced it gently with my finger. "Troy, hey," I turned to see my mom, "I don't think I am going to leave, I think I am going to stay,"

"Troy, you have been here since 6 this morning calling off Chad and Taylor, it's almost four in the afternoon,"

"I can't leave her," my voice broke, "I have four days to persuade her to wake up,"

"If it was up to her Troy none of this would happen,"

I rubbed my eyes, "Troy, you look exhausted, go home and sleep,"

"I cant!" I argued, "I lay on my bed and I can't sleep. I lay there and I think about Gabi fighting for her life in the hospital, I think of my kids who are all struggling right now. I think of what the hell is going to happen in four days when I have to make a choice because she won't wake up!"

I sank into the chair as I shook my head, my breathing hard as I looked at her shaking my head. "This isn't how it's supposed to be. We were supposed to have kids, get married, and live happily ever after like every story. We were supposed to just live and not have all of this bullshit,"

"Troy, that bullshit is called life. We get dealt things that suck. We get these cards that is hard to handle. We get these things and it's so much harder to live and I won't lie. You and Gabi have had a great life together. You have rarely come into contact with horrible things. You have five, beautiful, healthy kids. Even when they got sick it was simple fix, it might have been a scare but it was fixed so easily. You have such a wonderful marriage together, so committed to each other. You two were made for each other and every bad thing that has happened made it worth it in the end and maybe the cancer was a horrible card that was dealt but she was beating it. You have such lucky lives to live. You have a home and cars, you provide for your kids and if you lose Gabi, it will hurt. It will suck, it will show you that life is so short."

I cried as my mom talked, said all of these words as I looked at Gabi. "But you will forever have so many memories of her. You will forever have her beautiful face to look at when you look at your kids; you will forever have her in your heart. This is horrible, tragic, and if she leaves us on this earth she will watch you. Maybe you aren't lucky right now; maybe the world is coming after you because the past 16 years have been such a blessing for me, for you, for her. I have watched you expand your family; I have watched you become a better husband and a better father everyday. I see you fail and get back up. You are going to hurt for a very long time if she dies, I know, nothing will take that away. Nothing will be able to replace such a special girl but she is fighting right now. She is still with us and until she isn't with us then we can worry but you have got to rest Troy. You have got to rest. You have to relax,"

I pressed my hands against my face as I felt my stomach sink to the ground. She rubbed my shoulder as I looked at her, "Our story isn't done yet, I-I it's not finished,"

"Of course it's not but do we every get warning Troy?"

I felt my jaw lock up as I shook my head, "I can't," I said, "I won't be able to do it on Monday, I won't mom,"

"We'll talk about it Sunday night Troy, we'll talk about it Sunday night,"

Liam's POV

"We could lose mom in two days," Emma said as we laid on the ground in her room, "I know," after a week of some what positive feeling around the house it was becoming doomed again, nothing was changing with her. Nothing was happening, she was just lying there.

I knew she didn't want to be like that and I knew dad did but he was withdrawing from us. He became quiet and was at the hospital all day; he left early and came home late. He sent updates by text and just never said anything. I looked at Emma as she stared at the ceiling.

"Mom hasn't taught me everything yet,"

"I know,"

"She can't just leave,"

"At least you got to spend a day with her, I haven't heard her voice since I left. I guess I am lucky to know that the last thing I told her was I loved her."

"I don't remember the last thing I said to her," Emma said, "I mean, with her awake because I have said a thousand things to her,"

"I hope she can hear us,"

"Me too,"

Emma moved closer to me as she pressed her face against my shoulder, "Do you remember when we were living in California and she made the whole day a baking day?" I started to laugh, "Oh my god," I said with laughter, "That was one of the best days ever,"

"What, Wes was like two?"

"Wes was young, it was before Lo and Allison,"

"All I remember is her laughing the entire day and flour, so much flour, the whole day was so much fun and come to find out, that day was because she had lost her dad that day and Dad wasn't home."

"So we laughed all day and baked. God, that was a great day."

We smiled as we brought up several other memories of her and it was enough to give me hope.

Troy's POV

I paced nervously beside her bed as I awaited the next round of test results, my stomach was buzzing with worry as we had two days. I had two days for her to magically start getting better. Two fucking days before everything falls apart or gets better; Dr. Johnny appeared in the doorway as I looked at him.

"I was coming to check on her," I nodded as he shook his head, "When you get a cancer diagnosis you are so focused on cancer you completely forget that there is other things out there that can do this to you. You forget that cancer isn't the only thing that can kill you at that moment because then you mix two different things and this shit happens, I hate cancer." He shook his head, "I got in this professor because I want to work with people with cancer because I fucking hate it. It pulls families apart, it breaks families, it hurts them and people lose great people because of cells and God seems to hate all of the good people in life."

I looked at him and he shook his head, "You have no idea how many times I have been in this spot, seeing a patient slowly lose their lives because of cancer. Yet, I have only seen it mix with something this horrible before about six times and I haven't seen them recover. Even if she does she can have severe damage,"

"I know,"

"You probably have researched for every hour you haven't slept,"

"I just wish she was able to tell me what to do, if she was even trying to come back to us because if she wasn't I wouldn't keep her like this. I wouldn't keep her stuck in this state but if she is trying, then I would keep her on it for the rest of her life and on Monday I have to sign papers to kill her. I need her results to look better; I need her to start looking up because I can't do that Monday. I can't sign my name on a paper to kill the only person I have ever loved."

"I hear you man, I hear you," I looked at her and I shook my head, Dr. Roads came into the room as he shook his head. I closed my eyes and turned away from them both. I counted to ten as I tried not to punch a hole in the wall before me. I tried to keep my breathing controlled, I tried not to cry in front of these two doctors but I was losing everything I had. I lost every piece of energy I had in me.

I swallowed hard on the lump in my throat as I heard both doctors leave the room. I sank to the floor, as I looked at her helpless in the hospital bed, her body so tired of fighting. I let my head bang against the back o the wall. I bit down on my tongue as I shook my head. Everything in me felt ready to die itself as I took a large breath wiping away any tears that might have fallen as I got up, I went over to Gabi as I kissed her forehead.

"Come on Brie, I need you, Jesus, you have no idea how much I need you. I can't lose you Brie, I know I say these things but you are making me make a choice with our family tomorrow night. You are making me ask them if it's okay if I can sign a paper to kill you because that's how I will look at myself for the rest of my life, I can't do that. It's my fault you are in this hospital. I took you out in the world, I didn't protect you I didn't protect you like I promised and I am so sorry. I am so sorry," I took her hand as I pressed it close to my lips, "I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry that I have done stupid shit, I'm sorry for everything I never said I'm sorry for. I can't sit in front of our kids and tell them how you aren't getting better but only worse. I will puke trying to do so and losing you will be the end of me. I won't know how to function and I know I promised you to take care of our kids but God Brie," I shook my head, "It's my fault, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm not strong enough like you. I'm not, I'm sorry," I laid my head on her bed as I cried.

I prayed that she would open her eyes and tell me she was fine.

After twenty minutes, I looked up at her as I kissed her forehead as I shook my head, "I'm so sorry Brie,"

Today was the day; I had to talk to the kids. I looked at Gabi as I shook my head completely exhausted. I promised I would be home by seven so we could talk tonight. Everybody was going to be there, Gabi's mom, Kyle, my parents, the kids, Jenni, our friends, everybody. We were all going to talk.

My stomach twisted with fear as I leaned against my knees, as I looked at her, my mom was coming to get me so I would have to leave. I got up, as I was so tired that my eyes hurt because I had gotten probably five hours of sleep in the past ten days. It wasn't enough to make me function. My face looked older, I hadn't shaved in the past ten days, the scoff around my face, prickly.

I wasn't eating and I wasn't drink nearly enough. I pressed my lips together as I grabbed her hand; I stroked it with my thumb, as this was as close as we had been in ten days. I stood up as I sat down next to her, my eyes tracing every feature on her face.

I began to move wires around as I adjusted her so I was lying right next to her. I wrapped my arms through the wires as I pressed her closer to me; I rested my head on hers as we lay close to each other. I kissed her temple as I didn't have anything more to say to her, I pleaded, I begged, I didn't everything I could to get her to come and open her eyes for me.

I breathed in the hospital smell that had become the smell of her skin. I pressed my eyes closed as I cried as I held her. "I love you so much Brie, I love you so much," I whispered, my body was so exhausted it all hurt.

Everything hurt so badly.

Lucille's POV

I arrived at the hospital and took the same path I have taken for ten days. These past ten days had been grueling as I watched my son struggle everyday, trying to be a dad but also trying to figure out how he is supposed to survive in this world if he lost her.

It wasn't looking good for what tomorrow might bring. Nothing was looking good and Troy knew it, I was probably going to have to drag him out of the hospital because he was going to hurt tonight having to make a choice. He was going to have to talk and he was going to have to face the kids. He was going to hurt and I knew I was going to have a broken heart watching him break apart.

When I got to the nurses station it was pretty quiet, I went to Gabi's room and I slid open the door to the room for me to only stop in my tracks. Gabi was still on every machine since we started but Troy was lying with her, asleep. It was the first time I had seen him sleep since this all happened. His hands were locked with hers and he breathed against her. His heart so close as I looked at the love that he showed. I have never seen a person love someone so much.

Troy loved Gabi beyond words; he was already broken as I looked at him. He was so broken last night when he came home and nothing had changed. The kids could tell and everything was falling apart. I pressed my lips together as I didn't have the heart to wake him up.

I didn't have the heart to separate him from the person he loved the most.

I sat down in the nearby chair as I let everybody know I was going to be a little later with Troy than expected. I settled in as I pulled out my book, I would wake him eventually but right now it could wait.

After another thirty minutes, a doctor walked in and he sighed shaking his head, "I wondered how long that would take," he said, I smiled, "I think he is just trying to come up with another way to save her."

"I don't know if anything can save her," the doctor admitted, "If anything can save her…his love for her can."

Troy's POV

I opened my eyes as I was still lying next to Gabi; I rubbed her hand gently as that was possibly the longest, most peaceful, sleep I had gotten in over ten days. I rested my eyes again as I only wanted to sleep.

I kissed her temple, "About time you woke up," I opened my eyes and I twisted to face my mom. "How long have you been here?" I asked her, "About an hour and half. I couldn't bare to wake you up." I nodded as I looked back at Gabi; I let go of her hand as it went limp by her side again. I slid off the bed, as it was dark outside, quiet possibly after eight.

"They are still waiting for us,"

I nodded my head, as I felt sick thinking about it. I looked at Gabi as I rubbed her hand and I kissed her forehead. Suddenly it was August and I was making the choice of having to kill my wife.

"I love you so much Brie," I whispered into her ear, "I will always love you," I kissed by her mouth softly. I stood up as I grabbed my things, giving one more look at her as I shook my head. My mom followed, as we didn't talk much to each other as we moved toward the exit.

Once we left, she drove back to the house and I thought about everything Gabi and I had talked about in our life, I thought about every special memory we have ever had. I thought about everything we have overcome together. I thought of it all.

Getting to the house, I felt like a zombie as I entered, people were everywhere I felt like. Liam and Emma looked at me, as I swallowed hard against a lump in my throat, "Might as well do this," I said with a long breath, "Troy, we don't,"

"No, I am going to lose every sense of courage I have if we don't do it now." They all nodded as we moved into the kitchen, around the kitchen table as people sat in people's laps and I looked down at my hands as they began to shake, "Tomorrow is day number ten of Gabi being on life-support,"

Everybody looked at me, "And we all knew Gabi wouldn't want these things, we all know that she wouldn't want to live like that but I-I can't bring myself to start making choices because losing her is like losing me. She is my everything and," I looked at each of the kids, my eyes on them as I shook my head that was full of tears. "She is a fantastic mother, she is a fantastic friend, wife, sibling, daughter, she is so good at it all and I know losing her would hurt everybody."

Liam looked away as I wanted to leave as I was losing words and courage, "I'm not going to sign those papers if any of you have an objection,"

"Troy,"

"I'm not saying anything, I don't want it to be my choice because my choice to never let her go. To keep her like that because I can talk to her and see her. I know how selfish it is but it's so hard. It's so hard to even think about signing the papers and that's why I want you guys to tell me every reason why I should sign those papers and feel like I'm not killing my wife."

Chad shook his head, "Troy, I know you have looked at every angle of this and I see your five kids. You are tearing yourselves apart everyday, you spend hours at the hospital and you aren't sleeping. I see how it is and I know Gabi would hate seeing this. She would kill you if she saw this. She doesn't want to be held on to life like that, she doesn't want to have you spending every day in a hospital praying to god she comes back to life because she might not and it's going to be a hard road,"

Chad stopped and then he looked at me, "You know how much I love Gabs man, she is basically my other girlfriend, but I know she would hate this."

The kids were all crying, as I couldn't sit here, I couldn't listen to this. I moved my chair backwards as I got up, "Troy,"

"I can't do this right now, I can't sign those papers tomorrow,"

I looked at each of my kids again, "Do you not see them? They are going to be so lost without their mom and what do I know? For the past sixteen years I spent 6 months breathing basketball and the other six I was catching up with my kids before it started all over again. I don't know how mornings work and I don't know how to handle all of this, I just know how to be a good dad, to be there and if she dies I don't know how to be a good dad because she is everything. My kids are going to suffer without her in our lives, I wish it didn't have to be this way,"

"Dad, we don't want mom to die," Liam said, "But we don't want her suffering either,"

"It hurts so bad to think that tomorrow my mom could be dead and it scares me so much. It scares me that she may never see me graduate. It scares me that nothing might not be normal again; I am so scared of tomorrow that I don't want to face it. I know I don't understand it all, I don't understand how much you love her but I know that you love mom so much that you would do anything she asked you,"

I looked at Liam as I shook my head, "You guys have talked about it before, and you know what she wants. I hate knowing she wants to die but we gave her time and time didn't prove anything, I want her to wake up just as much as you but if you love her you'll let her go,"

Emma looked at me as she nodded her head in agreement as I closed my eyes and pressed my hands against my face. My finger tips covering my eyes as I looked at them, "I'm sorry you guys, I'm so sorry that I did this to her. I'm sorry I didn't protect her and didn't do what I was supposed to do. I'm so sorry, I never wanted this, I don't want to do this," Emma came over as she moved to sit in my lap. I allowed it as she pressed her face against mine like Gabi would do.

"It's not your fault dad," she said, "No one will ever blame you, it's a fluke stupid thing but I can't lose mom and you," I looked at her as she let her own tears fall, "I know if mom dies that it's going to hurt all of us in this room and everybody is going to hurt for a very long time but I'm so scared that one day you'll be dead along with mom and I can't lose both of you because then what do I have in my life? I love you and mom so much dad but losing either of you or both of you will be so horrible. Nobody should have to do that and I can't lose you too."

"Okay," she looked at me with her big tears as I hugged her tightly, "Okay," she cried in my embrace as I stroked her long brown hair, "It's not your fault dude that shitty things happen but we will all get to say our goodbyes to her and be there with her. She won't be alone," Kyle, said, I pressed my lips so tight together as I knew what had to be done but doing it may just kill me in the process.

Each of the kids slept with me that night, our bed crowded with feet and arms. We were tangled together but I got no sleep once again. I knew my phone would ring in a while, Dr. Roads asking me what was decided.

I knew what I was going to tell him and I knew how hard this day was going to be. August 2nd, the day my world crashed around me. I felt completely sick thinking about it, I felt like I could puke knowing how hard this was going to be.

I detangled myself from the kids as I took a shower, the only thing I could motivate myself to do. I then found a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I went to the office as I sat in the chair as I looked out at the dark morning. The clouds were heavy and the sun was going to be hidden.

My phone rang and I knew who it was without having to look. I answered the phone, "Good morning Dr. Roads,"

"Troy," his voice was urgent, I stood up as I felt my knees grow weak. My phone slipped from my fingers as it crashed against the floor. I looked for my keys as tears were in my eyes, no, not yet Brie, no yet, I didn't get to say goodbye, I had ten days Brie. I had ten days to say goodbye, you can't do anything yet, not yet Brie.

….y'know. I couldn't wrap it into two chapters…you guys are going to have to wait another week…oops. Hah, I love you guys! I also want you to know that I hate writing this and it's hard for even me. I lost my grandmother to breast cancer, my aunt had breast cancer, and it is just a hard subject. It's not fun but it's the reality of life. Life isn't fun and games. It's a bunch of bullshit that you have to dig through but even through the bullshit we laugh and smile and life is good.

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

Please Review!