Since that night Wendy had shed any lingering fears or preoccupations about respectability or who she may disappoint. It wasn't only that she realised how useless it was to be so caught up in the customs and manners of another world but that soon she started to forget why she should be so concerned with them. She knew that it was distasteful to people but she could not remember which people and so not wanting to waste a second worrying about people who did not matter she embraced her life as Peter's consort.
Like newly weds moving into their first home they christened every place conceivable. Wendy was content with the bed they shared in her room but Peter was not. The entire island was at heart his chamber and with a dedication that half alarmed and half amused he would lead her down deep paths shrouded in ivy or up to high peaks hidden in mists with a look she now knew all to well. She had been slightly hesitant at first, worried that they would be seen – and she half suspected that was what he wanted despite his frequent assertions that he wasn't an exhibitionist – but the thrill and exhilaration she felt burned away her fears and soon she was the one grabbing his hands and pushing him down below her. He seemed to greatly enjoy her acts of dominance as much as the love making itself and sometimes that was all it took.
However his favourite sport was chasing her through the jungle. Sometimes she would read the hot, bubbling need on his face and she would quietly leave, making no outward sign of excitement but as soon as she cleared the camp she ran like the wind, knowing that he would not be far behind. Other times he would ambush her, giving her no warning or time to run and hide. This was not always welcomed and the unfairness of it stung, though the end result was always enjoyable, especially when she managed to escape.
"It's not fair! You can just appear in a blink and I have no chance," she said one morning as she went out to hunt with her bow and he had grabbed her and pushed her against a tree before she could react. She now straddled him on the ground, the clear victor and he cocked an eyebrow at her.
"I hardly think you're the loser here," he said and inhaled sharply as she rolled her hips, both still clothed. She bent down, eyes narrowed and tickled the feather at the end of her arrow against his chin gently. Over the years their coupling had become...interesting.
"Teach me," she demanded softly, trailing the feather down his throat and he smiled.
"Teach you?"
"I want to move as you do, to blink in and out of sight with a thought," she requested, eyes shinning with want. Over the years she had witnessed many things that Peter could do and wished she had mastery over them too. She was surprised to learn that little of it had anything to do with magic, which he said would be a waste on such cheap tricks. It was all down to a matter of will and a person's control over his or her surroundings. Peter had given her reign over her own land, something she suspects he never really intended to do but would he grant her more? She knew he coveted his position as leader and was loath to give anyone an upper hand but that denial did not stretch to her, not completely.
"Hmm give something for nothing? What would I get in return?" he cocked an eyebrow, hands on her hips.
"The knowledge that you've done a good deed," she said mock seriously and he grimaced. He was more magnanimous then he had ever been in the past but she suspected that some of it was a pretence, though she hoped it was not always. He was largely self serving and did not do something unless he benefited from it in some way. That selfishness drove her mad and was one of the reasons why the merefolk did not conduct their business with Peter but with her, which she knew he secretly detested. She knew about his nightmares, about tiny glimmers of his past and she suspected that was like shards of ice under his skin, that she held that over him. He was so fiercely self reliant that sharing something of himself was seen as a weakness, especially something so vulnerable and private as his nightmares. She thought a part of him resented her for it. Leaning back up Wendy sighed and rose to her feet.
"Wait," he said suddenly and grabbed her hand. He moved onto his knees and she stared down at his oddly serious face. "I'll teach you, if it will keep you safe."
"From you?" she teased but felt something queasy coiling in her stomach. Once she condemned him for self deception but now she was no less guilty. He had not hurt her, not psychically but occasionally he could be mean, lashing out at her with words or sometimes none at all, targeting those she cared about instead. Mostly it was just petty, cruel jibes but it was always a reminder of what he was once capable of and what he could do again. Loving someone with a black heart was a pressure all on it's own and sometimes she felt she was holding back a tidal wave, just waiting for something to give and crash down on her. Self deception might be cowardly but sometimes it was what you had to do to sleep at night.
"Never," he whispered with a frown, getting to his feet and once again stirring her suspicions that he could read her mind. "I received intel about a possible threat, from a faction calling themselves the Home Office. They're small and no match for me but they want me dead," he explained flatly, looking irritated rather than scared.
Wendy stared at him in worry. "But they can't come here, can they?" she knew he had stopped access to and from Neverland by the use of beans unless he expressly agreed to it.
"No, I've made sure of that. Thing is..." he hesitated but then shook his head with a smile. "It's nothing but if something does occur I want you to be safe. I'll teach you to move quick but I'll do more then that," he said and withdrew his sword. "You should learn to defend yourself properly."
"You know I don't like them," she had her dagger concealed, something Tink had badgered her into wearing. She had never used it but after being attacked by Slightly and the other boys she had agreed to carry it. The bow and arrows were for gathering subsistence, nothing more.
"I pick Lost Boys who have the capacity to fight. What makes you think you're any different? You're my queen and I know you have it in you to fight viciously. I've seen it and I expect nothing less."
"As your queen?" she asked dryly. He may flatter her with such a title but she knows he actually regards her slow and unexpected elevation in rank with mild distaste. She could understand it a little, after hundreds of years ruling alone, answering to no one but his own whims and fancies it must be hard for him to adapt to such a change. It took him years to get used to sharing a simple bed with her, so co-ruling the island was not an easy change and may never be fully established. Like he once told her Neverland was his island, not hers but Wendy had taken to ignoring these statements. She would do what she would with her land and Peter could like it or leave it. However he had refused her requests frequently so this threat must be more pressing then he was willing to admit.
"Of course," he whispered, brushing his lips against her mouth, attempting to appease her and it almost worked. "I promise I'll teach you what I know. By the time I'm finished you'll be untouchable."
It was a promise that he regretted bitterly in hindsight and cursed himself for being soft-hearted and naïve to Wendy's well concealed guile.
If you ventured into Wendy's side of the island, maybe on a sunny warm day, when it was too hot to do anything but swim or sleep you might come across a sign post embedded in the earth. The sign had a simple but bold proclamation:
NO BOYS!
Of course Peter laughed in the face of rules but Wendy had threatened that if any boys were caught peeking the retribution would be swift and terrible. She knew that Peter would be the first to inflict pain on any trespassers, if he wasn't the one breaking the rule himself of course. But if you did follow the path after the sign you would find a deep blue lagoon surrounded by cliffs on three sides, with green foliage sweeping down the sheer walls like a curtain. It was a thirty foot drop into the water and their laughter and screams echoed off the cliffs.
"Watch out!" Tiger Lily yelled as she took a running jump off the cliff and dived into the water below. Of course as soon as she was submerged her legs transformed into a tail, a process that she seemed to love. Wendy laughed as a wave of water crashed over her head as Tink swan dived next to her, trying to catch the mermaid's fins. As the island's only three female inhabitants, Tiger Lily now a frequent visitor, it was a past time all of them needed but especially Wendy. It never failed to sadden her that there were no Lost Girls, a request that Peter had flatly refused.
"He's so pig headed sometimes!" she seethed as they all lay on their backs, watching the skies.
"Sometimes?" Tink smirked.
"What's a pig?" Tiger Lily asked curiously.
"Men," Tink and Wendy said in unison and laughed. The mermaid nodded knowingly before Wendy explained what a pig really was, describing it as something like a sea cow. Tiger Lily sat up, looking unhappy.
"Boys are stupid sometimes. I say what I feel, I make no illusions but they smile nicely, touch and dance but then hide and pretend," she said, eyes narrowed in annoyance and Wendy stared at her, feeling a swooping embarrassment. She was speaking of Rufio.
"I'm sure he'll come around," she said encouragingly but the mermaid pinned her with a look.
"How when you hold his heart?"
Wendy spluttered and sat up, face growing hot. "I do nothing of the sort, not willingly."
"I know you don't look at him in the way I do, I know you love another. I do not blame you, why would I?" the mermaid took her hand and shook it, showing that there was no ill feelings before speaking again. "This is my fault, I know that being with a human is impossible, my people usually forbid it but my heart will not listen to reason."
"The heart never does," Tink suddenly said. She had been quiet, introspective but now she spoke, sitting up. "Like you fairies are forbidden from falling in love with humans because we always outlive them. It's to prevent a pain, along with less unsavoury reasons," she said, her mouth thinning. "Love is just a joke."
"But I thought fairies were meant to help people find their happy endings?" Tiger Lily asked innocently.
"And look where it's got me! On a ship with a pirate who only sees me as something to warm his bed and keep him company," Tink answered, looking absolutely dejected. In fact it was the nearest she had seen the fairy to tears. Wendy put an arm around her shoulders.
"I'm sure he sees you as more than that. You never told him, did you?"
"I didn't have to, he could see it plain as day." she said sullenly, plucking at her wet bathing suit. Tiger Lily sighed.
"Here we three sit with our silly men: one with a love not seen, one unrequited and one loveless," she recited solemnly and Tink snorted.
"No wonder! You know I'm the reason he can't leave Neverland?" Tink suddenly confessed and Wendy leaned closer. She had never heard this.
"What do you mean?"
"Pan tricked me. I never told you but I've known Peter for a very long time, when he was different, when I thought he could still be saved. He used to call me his fairy," Tink confessed with a sad soft smile before it hardened. "Killian came, with his big ship and his swagger and broken heart. Pan wanted him for some reason, wanted him in Neverland but not connected to it like we were. He made me do a spell, one I thought Hook wanted."
"What spell?" Wendy asked, soaking in every word. Tink's past was usually a mystery to her.
"To keep him young, him and his crew. I thought I was saving him but Peter trapped him for over a hundred years and over that time his crew went stir crazy. I tried to free them and reason with Peter but he wouldn't listen. He said he had a plan and that Hook was part of it and that he had been anticipating his arrival for years. Then one day he let them go."
"Go?" Wendy knew that Hook ran errands for Peter, or at least he used to. The pirate had been very quiet since she had been there, hardly showing his face and she knew Tink kept him company. In fact she just about lived on the ship now. When Hook retreated Peter said he could sink into depressions that could last years.
"I'm sure you've wondered why Hook comes back once free of this realm, why he didn't just leave this island in his wake? The preservation spell I cast was just on his ship, not Killian and Pan made sure it could not be undone. You see if Hook ever sets foot on a land other than this island all those years will catch up with him and – and he'd die," Tink finished, breathing fast and hard. It had taken a lot to confess.
"He's cursed?" Tiger Lily asked sadly and Tink nodded, looking down. Wendy recalled an Irish myth about a mortal man who fell in love with a fairy and stayed with her for three hundred years. He left the magic island where they lived, his horse enchanted, but one day the girdle snapped and he fell to the earth and died. She wondered if the myth was about them, somehow.
"He gets a new crew every so often, before they get too old because he can't leave the ship any more. That's when Pan makes him do his dirty work."
Wendy's ears were ringing and she could not focus. Of course this should not shock her, should not faze her but she was sickened and a part of her was deeply relieved that she was still capable of such a reaction. She knew what he was, some of what he had done in the past but being reminded of it was always a terrible experience and made her question herself at a soul level.
"I – I'm so sorry," she started, not knowing where to start but Tink shook her head furiously.
"No, no apologies from you. You didn't do this, he did and those sins are his. Don't concern yourself with it."
"But it is my concern. My so called loveless love has deemed it not worth his time to lift this curse or even mention it to me," she said, rising to her feet stiffly. She was angry at him but more at herself. How could she be so clueless, so without questions? She knew deep down and it was a shameful thing. She did not want to know all his transgression for peace of mind, to forget that she did in fact live with a monster. But was she a person who ignored others suffering because it helped her sleep at night? Was she that person now?
"You seem surprised," Tiger Lily said and again Wendy felt her gut being hit. "This land is cursed," she said with a shrug but Wendy clenched her hands, shaking.
"It doesn't have to be! I can change it!"
"And that's the rub sweetheart, he won't let you do any more then change the weather," Tink said, not unkindly but Wendy would not hear it.
"We'll see about that!" She disappeared in front of them, leaving her friends stunned on the rock. She wished to see Peter, to confront him and concentrated on that as she blinked away from them.
She had been practising the ability but it was hard. If your mind wandered or if you were unsure you could end up anywhere. Wendy appeared not by the camp but before the Echo Caves, her mind consumed by secrets and darkness. However she was not alone.
"Rufio?"
He was coming out of the caves and looked startled to see her but then immediately grew serious. "I need to talk to you."
"What is it?" she asked as he motioned for her to follow him. They stopped in the mouth of the cave, not going any further and Wendy was glad. She had not stepped foot in there since that awful day when the pirates fell to their deaths. She had wanted to speak with Peter directly but there was something wrong with Rufio, she could sense it. He was sweating and his eyes flicked around nervously, checking if they were alone. Since winning that fight against Peter he had been excluded from the off realm trips that Peter and Felix sometimes took, as if as punishment. Since then Rufio's displeasure at Peter had been harder to conceal and Wendy prayed that he would keep a civil tongue for his own sake.
"I need to know something and I want you to be honest with me," he began, staring at her intensely and Wendy nodded. "If you could go home would you want to?"
"I can't -" she started but he shook his head.
"If you were cured, if nothing was in your way would you want to go back?"
Nothing in her way? She had barely let herself imagine returning home and seeing her remaining family again because she knew that it could never be. It was so painful to be reminded that once she had another life, another family and sometimes the magic that the pipes had weaved did little to fade the grief, at least in dreams.
"I – I suppose if I could move freely between here and there then yes, I'd like to go home," she confessed and he nodded, looking resolute.
"Then I will do what must be done because I can't stay here any more, not with him in charge," he said through his teeth and Wendy lifted a hand for silence.
"You know better then to say such things."
"I'm sick of having to watch what I say or do! I did not come here to be subjected to a tyrant," he hissed angrily and Wendy froze. She knew he was displeased with Peter, that was obvious but she didn't realise how deep rooted the anger was. Peter had never trusted him and the feeling was mutual but Wendy never seriously considered those mutinous rumours to be true.
"If you want to leave then I'm sure I can speak to him," she offered gently and then gasped when he suddenly cupped her face.
"I don't mean to live without you," he breathed and his gaze was filled with an honest, simple love. Wendy felt her heart squeeze with pain, with the hurt that she was about to inflict but it had to be done because what was unspoken could not be any longer.
"I'm sorry, I truly am but I don't love -"
"I know," he interrupted, letting his hands fall away as he smiled gently. "But I think real love can mean loving someone even if they don't and being content with that. If you want me to leave, to never see you again then I respect that and I'll leave you in peace. I swear that," he stressed and she knew he was honourable enough to do it even if it caused him pain.
"I don't want you to leave," she confessed. Peter joked about it but he was her champion, her captain as much as Felix was his. He protected her Lost Boys, gave them guidance and someone to emulate to a far greater degree then Peter ever did or could. He would make such a fantastic leader, she knew that but just not here.
"Then I will stay and do my duty to you. There are whispers about me, mutinous ones, ones that call me two faced, jaded and well...they're right," he confessed simply and Wendy stepped back, heart racing.
"Please don't say such things, you don't know what he'll do if he finds out," she said pleadingly and went to him, grabbing his hands. Rufio smiled sadly.
"You say you love him but you live in fear of him, of what he might do. He's unpredictable like the sea, calm one moment but at some point you know he'll get angry enough to drown you. I don't want that for you, you deserve better, this place deserves better," he beseeched, impassioned, while Wendy was terrified. The moment he stepped out of the cave he was a dead man, she was sure.
"You can't take over, Peter would kill you first."
"Who said anything about me?" Rufio smiled and Wendy blinked, slow to understand.
"...You – you don't mean me?!"
"Who better than the Queen of Neverland? Think about it. People love you, your boys do and we've already seen that the merefolk only answer to you. Your name is being spread, there are wonderful tales about you now and people want to see you. I could do a better job than Peter leading this place, anyone could but you are the rightful ruler. You will make this place into the thing it should be: a safe haven, a paradise. You're kind, you're strong and you can make your dreams into a reality here. You know this isn't just about me and you, this is about the children that come here, expecting a better life only to be at the whim of a cruel demi-god."
"He's no god."
"Then why does everyone fear him as if he was? He wants everyone to because fear breeds control. He's been lying to you, keeping you in the dark," he added angrily.
"I know," she said and looked at the floor. "I just learned something else today, something awful. Peter is like a jewel you find on a beach, he looks so inviting but you know if you prise him up you'll discover something unpleasant underneath."
"You deserve better and I don't mean me. Do you really love him?" he asked, unable to truly believe it. Wendy smiled sadly and nodded.
"It's the riddle of my being."
"Be that as it may think on what I've said. You can rule this place, make it better and if you agree I will be by your side faithfully. I'm your captain, whatever your decision."
Wendy let herself imagine it, for just a fleeting moment. She envisioned herself on a throne, Rufio standing below protecting her as she welcomed guests, people who had heard of her splendour and wanted to see her in person. She would be courteous, firm and strong and help those in need. Neverland would be welcome to those in need, be it girl or boy. However throughout this fantasy she could not envision a time or place where Peter was not by her side and knew that it was pointless.
"It's just a dream Rufio," she said sadly, "let it go for both of our sakes. I care about you and I want you safe so please, just...don't."
"That's easier said then done. I'm not going to overthrow anyone, not without your say so but I promise you this: I'll do whatever I can to save your life and free you, no matter the cost."
"Cost?" she asked, wondering if he was talking about the cure he failed to procure for her.
"I'll pay it. I'm a Lost Boy, there are no innocents on this island and me least of all," he said and walked out of the cave, looking darkly determined and left Wendy staring after him anxiously.
That night, the night when it all fell apart, Wendy had been unable to find Peter, to confront him and she had a suspicion that he was avoiding her. She searched, growing worried that he and Rufio had fought or worse and found herself looking out to sea. Two low hanging moons stood large and clouds skidded across their surfaces. Sometimes there was more, as if one was not enough or Peter wanted to play havoc with the tides to spite the mermaids and pirates. It was one of those nights and Wendy shuddered at the moons, spooked at the sight even after all these years. It was unnatural and a reminder of how much power Peter could wield.
Finally she came across Peter and Felix standing by the rock pools, Peter with a telescope up to his eye. She looked out to sea and saw the Jolly Roger bathed in moonlight, the closest it had been to the shore in years. Wendy scrabbled up the rocks and Peter gave her a passing glance before looking through the scope again.
"I see you've stopped long enough consorting with the enemy to visit me," he said offhandedly but she could see the way his jaw clenched.
"What are you talking about? Consorting?" she laughed but it sounded forced. Her heart was pounding.
"We both know you're a first rate liar but they don't work on me Darling," he said harshly and finally looked at her. He was actually angry. Peter was usually too in control to get honestly angry because almost nothing ever fazed him. He was a calm master of his realm because things always went how he planned them to. Except now it seemed.
"He's coming," Felix said quietly and Wendy turned to see a dark figure cresting the rock, stumbling a little. Peter smiled.
"Nice night for it Captain," Peter said cockily as the pirate took a swig of rum. Before he did he swore and Wendy was certain he slurred "little shit" under his breath.
"Now, now that's no way to speak in front of a lady," Felix said, pointing out Wendy. Hook froze and squinted at her, as if seeing her for the first time. He lowered the bottle of rum and looked sober for a moment. In fact he looked incredibly sad as he bowed to her respectfully.
"My lady," he rose and came closer, giving Wendy an opportunity to look at him after so long. He was still very handsome, in a debouched sort of way, and his baring was unmistakably that of a gentleman, despite his attire. Now that she knew his secret it cast him in a tragic light and her heart went out to him. She remembered once how he wished to save her, to take her home and she realised now why he could not.
All the adults here are in such states of despair she thought, thinking about Tink who was often morose. Now she knew why, or at least part of it. Either way being an adult in Neverland was hell and she wondered suddenly who had hurt Peter in such a way that he was willing to make any grown up suffer so.
"Good evening Captain," she said politely and curtsied to him, making Peter roll his eyes. "Are you here to see Tinkerbell?"
She was not much of a matchmaker but by god she wanted them to have a happy ending if she had it in her power. It would be if I was in charge, she thought slyly and looked at Peter to see if he had caught her traitorous thought but he was staring at Hook intently.
"Good question. My flightless little bird is here but where is yours?" Peter asked and Wendy sneered at being addressed so. "I did ask you to keep her on the ship with you," he said and Wendy blinked at him in shock.
"She spent the day with Miss Wendy here, or so she said she would," Hook said but Wendy was focused on Peter.
"Why did you ask him to keep Tink on the ship?"
"Because he's a coward," Hook answered her and Peter's head shot around as the pirate grinned horribly. "You haven't told her, have you Pan?"
"Told me what?" she demanded and Peter sighed, glaring at Hook before he turned to her.
"Tink is a fairy and a fairy can only exist if people believe in them. I told you that belief, that magic is dying and well..." he trailed off as Wendy put a shocked hand over her mouth, understanding.
Hook was grinding his teeth. "How concerned you sound! But I know the real reason you've kept her here all these years you bloody demon," he cursed him and Peter smirked in amusement.
"Oh careful there Killian, it almost sounds like love. You don't want to dishonour the memory of your long dead mistress," he said nastily. Hook's eyes widened and a second later he was drawing out his sword and rushing forward with a roar.
"Stop!" Wendy screamed as steel clashed. Peter had blocked Hook's sword with his own and they were straining in the air. Felix had moved before her, hand on his own weapon.
"You say one more thing and I will run you through, curse or no curse," Hook breathed, eyes blazing madly and Peter laughed.
"You know I like you far too much for that! However that was below the mark," Peter sighed, looking a little ashamed. "That was bad form, I apologise."
"Your words are wind. There are lands where men mine in caves filled with scentless, poisoned gases. One wrong knock of the hammer and they could all die without knowing it. They take a small song bird down with them in a cage and use it to detect the death they can not smell. If it stops singing they know their time is up," Hook said and looked at Wendy, the story for her benefit. "That's all Tink is to him: a bird in a cage and her time is running out."
Wendy, knowing exactly what he was referring to, stared at Peter in horror. "Is that true?"
Peter was grinding his teeth as fiercely as Hook had been, glaring hard at the pirate. "Once maybe but what of it? Yes when Tink dies I know I won't have long but do you really think I'm utterly incapable of caring?"
Hook snorted, lowering his sword. "I don't think you're even capable of understanding it, let alone showing it," he said and motioned to Wendy sadly.
"Leave her out of this," Peter warned and Hook shrugged, all fight drained from him. Peter stared at the pirate captain fiercely. "I asked you to keep Tink on your ship not because I couldn't stand to watch her magic drain away but because I wanted her safe. She's my fairy after all," he added, as if this was ample reason.
"Safe?" Wendy asked, concerned and Hook froze. Peter turned to Wendy, gazing at her softly.
"I know you're upset with me, I know that you've discovered things about me today, about what I've done in the past but I'm here to show you that I'm not heartless." He turned to Hook, inhaling deeply. "Tink was on your ship because I feared she would have been murdered if she wasn't."
"What?!" Wendy yelled while Hook stared at Peter, not sure what to believe.
"What are you talking about?"
"There's someone in my camp, someone who for some years now has battled with a choice. He made up his mind today and in doing so labelled himself traitor. Rufio, her precious champion, wants to cure Wendy and will stop at nothing to do so."
"What does this have to do with Tink?!" Hook suddenly shouted, making Wendy jump. Peter smiled sadly.
"The only real cure for Dreamshade calls for three ingredients: pixie dust, water from the fountain of youth and," he drew the last part out, possibly enjoying how they were hanging on his every word.
"And what?!" Wendy shouted, nerves now as frayed as Hook's.
"A fairy's heart."
Hook did not waste another second as he turned on his heel and ran into the jungle, screaming out his lover's name. Wendy stared at Peter, more appalled at him then she had ever been in her life and ran after Hook.
Tink woke, feeling groggy and wondered how much she had to drink when she froze. She felt...strange, oddly hollow and sat up. Or tried to, someone had bound her arms and legs and there was a gag in her mouth. She was in a dark cave.
"I'm so, so sorry," a shaky voice echoed and Tink looked up to see a crying boy walking towards her. He was Wendy's favourite Lost Boy and Tiger Lily's unrequited love and suddenly as she saw the thing he was holding she knew what he was to her. He was her death.
Her heart throbbed hard in his hand and she started to struggle as his fingers squeezed.
a.n:
Happy Holidays!