James had managed to avoid Lily all week, in a sick way he was pleased with himself. This was the longest he not talked to her at school, in the past he could barely let a day go by without teasing her, asking her our or just being generally annoying. Now he couldn't bear to be around her.

It hurt too much.

James had taken short cuts and gone the longer way to lessons to avoid her. He showed up slightly late/on the bell to get out any pre-lesson conversation, then sprinted out off the class to evade her. On a night, James would either sleep in his old dorm or arrive ridiculously late and wake up early so he knew Lily would be asleep. She was still stubbornly trying to talk to him, but he just couldn't.

She had broken his heart without even knowing it.

Thursday

Thursdays used to be James favourite day, but this week he dreaded it. He had double potions and then patrol duties. Usually this would fill him with excitement at the prospect of almost the whole day with his favourite redhead, but instead he was filled with the agony only Lily Evans could cause.

He arrived for Potions just as the bell rang to avoid conversations. Silently he unpacked his books and quill, and prayed for a day of note taking and silent work for the first time in his life.

"Good morning, students. Today we will be continuing with some practical work on our Felix Felicis. So come, collect your potions and get on with your pair work."

Just bloody great. Cheers, Slughorn, you fat bastard.

James went and got the cauldron like always, it used to be joke between him and Lily that she wasn't strong enough to carry it, but now there was nothing James wanted less than to joke with her.

She coughed awkwardly, "Right so we need 14 ounces of diced Dandelion root and 1.5 liters of boiled Wormwood Essence. So do you want to do the dandelion and I'll do the wormwood?"

Without looking at her directly he shrugged and said, "Alright, if you say so."

Is that what my voice sounds like now? Boring. Flat. Dull. Dead.

Lily started carefully measuring out the wormwood without another word. They carried on in silence for the majority of lesson, with the occasional stilted agreement on 'who does what' in the next step.

Why is he so silent? What have I done to make him blank me and avoid me all week?

He can't be jealous of Liam and me; he doesn't even fancy me anymore, we're just friends.

Lily smiled, in spite of herself, at the thought of Liam. He was just so…wow. The way he kissed her, touched her, made her feel caused her heart to near burst.

Lily cleared her throat; she always did that in awkward situations. James half looked up.

He hadn't looked at her properly all lesson. It was really starting to get on her nerves how off he was with her.

"So can you measure out the Dragon scales next?"

"Fine." That's it.

"Is that all you've got to say?"

He still didn't look up. "What?"

"That! 'Fine', 'Whatever', 'Alright' etc. etc. Where has James Potter gone and why has he been replaced with such a boring idiot who can't even converse with one of his friends?"

He finally looked up, his eyes blazing with anger, "Maybe I just don't want to talk to, did that ever cross your mind?"

Lily was just as angry now, "Well why the hell not? Or is above an infamous Marauder to explain why he has suddenly had a personality transplant?"

"I don't have to explain anything, to you of all people"

"And what's that suppose to mean."

"You know what I mean."

"Well if I did, I wouldn't have asked!"
"Well I'm not going to explain the obvious to a stuck-up know-it-all."

"I'm sorry, I don't speak arrogant imbecile."

*RING*

The bell rang signaling lunch, but the Head Boy and Girl stood glaring at each other.

James began to pack up his stuff and walk away.

However Lily followed him of of the class and said in a low dangerous voice, "Is this all because you're jealous of me and Liam? I thought you were better than that."

James' hazel eyes, that were usual full of laughter and warmth, turned cold and full of venom, "Why would I be jealous of some stupid girl who has thrown themselves at a random guy who happens to be the biggest dick in school? You look ridiculous, Lily, everyone knows he is going to fuck you then leave you. Everyone is probably betting how long it takes him to ditch you, and when he does, they will all have a bloody good laugh. Why would I be jealous of that?"

Lily was in shock. James had never been so cruel to her before. She took a step closer to him, "And why would anyone date such a spiteful, immature arsehole, who thinks they are the best thing in the world when in fact they are just scum. Complete and utter scum. You are a bitter, jealous, pathetic excuse for man and I never want to see you again"

Lily then stormed off to her dorm, where she lay on her bed and cried, for the first time in years.

"You said what?!" Sirius was horrified; James had never been so cruel to Lily, ever. Even when she had refused him in front of everyone, he still defended her, still cared for her. Yet now he was throwing away any chance of friendship by being a prize arse.

James stabbed his pie angrily, "I just lost it. She was being so fucking irritating."

"Was she though, Prongs?" Remus tried to reason.

"Are you siding with her?" replied James furiously, "You are backing some goody-two-shoes bitch over your best mate? Thanks for that, Moony, at least I know where your loyalties lie."

As he stood up, Sirius grabbed his arm, "Come on, Prongs. Moony was only trying to help!"

Peter nodded, "Yeah, Prongs, you know we're all on your side, that's why we're trying to help you."

"I don't need your 'help'. I need you to back me up." James started to walk out of the hall, "Screw all of you."

Sirius groaned, "I think I liked it better when he was a gormless loved up git."

James kicked a tree.

What have I done?

I've alienated my friends, been awful to the girl I love and just generally been a prick, all because Lily snogged someone else.

I'm pathetic. I'm the lowest off all scum. I am a stupid jealous git.

Who has just ruined his chance at getting the prettiest, funniest, most amazing girl in the world. And for what? The dickhead of the year prize? The joy of dying alone?

I've got to sort this out. First, I need to make up with the boys.

"Look, I'm sorry, guys. Especially you Moony, I know you where just trying to help." James had stood in front of his mates apologising for past 5 minutes. He felt shit for taking it out them; this whole mess was down to him, and his stupid feelings.

Remus shook his head, James had always been quick-tempered, but even quicker to apologise. It was one of the things that Remus had always admired in the Quidditch captain.

"Don't worry about it, mate. It's not your fault you're a git." James chucked a cushion at Remus good-naturedly.

At least my friends don't hate me

James flopped miserably down on his old bed, "I've really made a mess of things this time."

"Yep. You have well and truly cocked this one up." Sirius smirked at his best friend, "But luckily you have our fabulous company."

James smiled sadly. He loved his friends like brothers; they were family. Nevertheless, he craved Lily's company. She could make his heart feel like it's on fire, yet she could so easily break it. In a sick way, he loved that about her; she had him wrapped around her finger, without even wanting to. There was a time they were friends, it seemed like a millennium rather than a week. He had been so horrible and he loathed himself. Until his dying-day, he would remember the pain in her emerald eyes. Being Head-Boy had been a doorway to friendship with Lily, now he had slammed that door in his own face in a fit of stupid jealously. Nothing could change what he said, unless he owned a time-tuner, (which would be bloody useful) but he could try and be friends with her.

If I could spend the rest of my life being Lily's friend, I could be happy. I need her in my life someway. She is my oxygen.