Title: Where Do We Go From Here?
Author: littleotter73
Rating: FRM
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Summary: Overall - Now that the Hellmouth's closed, what's next? For this chapter - Can Giles forgive Buffy for not telling him about her physical troubles on the hill at Hawkingridge?
Setting: Post Chosen, no comics.
Beta: Catchoo
Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Buffyverse and make no profit playing in Joss' sandbox.
WDWG - Chapter 42: Reconciliation
Xander slung his gear into the back of the Rover before looking towards the house, hoping that the next time he walked through the threshold things would be better for all of them. He'd spent several days just trying to find peace and quiet (and maybe some semblance of his old self along with it), and though his time here had been restorative, he never was one to sit still for long. He needed activity. It was one of the things that had gotten him in trouble so much with his father when he was a kid. Xander needed to move - not a good thing with an alcoholic father who spent most of his time chasing the hair of the dog.
But he was genuinely looking forward to this next stage of his life. It gave him a set purpose. Giles needed his right hand man to step up and build out the new school for the new generations of Watchers and Slayers, and Xander knew he could do that. He had ideas, he knew both Giles and Buffy had ideas, and he knew the new headmaster would have ideas as well. And he would incorporate all those needs and wants and build something that had purpose and that he could be proud of.
"Wait, what?" Buffy asked as she approached the Rover, seeing Xander's bags in the back. "You're not leaving already, are you?"
Xander turned to see the scowl on his friend's face. "Got work to do and I can't do it from here."
"Why not?" she demanded as she placed her hands on her hips. "Lots of people commute to and from their work places. It's only a half hour drive."
"Well for one, no wheels, and it wouldn't be fair to ask Giles to drive me back and forth, that's like two hours out of his day. Two, if I am going to be altering the environment, it's best if I am there to get a feel for it. And three, I need a place to be, Buff. I mean, I love this house and it's helped get me back to being me, but it's not my place. It's Giles' and yours, and right now, it's a bit fractured and you need to get it back to being your sanctuary. You can't do that with me here... or Willow. Hey, Will," he grinned as their best friend showed up beside them with her backpack and overnight bag.
"Hey, guys," the redhead greeted, passing her friends with her bags on the way to her car.
"Will, you're leaving too?"
"Yeah, I'm gonna bunk with Xander over at Hawkingridge for a couple days," she answered, placing her bags in the trunk. "I wanna inspect the wards and see if they need upgrading. After that, I'm gonna head back to the Coven, see if I can help Ailla with her research."
"So much for vacation," Buffy pouted.
"Aw, it's not a bad. Neither of us is too far away, we'll just need to schedule the weekly pizza and movie night," Xander said, wrapping one arm around the Slayer's shoulders.
"Besides, I'll be back because of the wedding stuff," Willow reminded her.
Buffy looked at the ground, "Yeah, if that's still on."
"Come on, Buff, Giles loves you. So you had a fight. Fix it," Willow encouraged, taking the blonde's hand.
"Not so easy when we aren't on speaking terms."
"Speaking of not speaking, here comes the Watcher-man now. Hey Giles," Xander waved, stepping out in front of the two girls.
"You have everything, Xander?"
"Yep. So... how is this going to work? We have 2 cars and 4 passengers."
"Five, actually," Buffy corrected as Seamus padded over to her, returning from a run in the fields.
They all looked at the giant hound who leaned into his mistress. It was obvious from his size that he would need to ride in the back of the Rover. Giles shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans and looked off in the distance while Buffy shifted her attention to her dog. Both Watcher and Slayer were extremely uncomfortable at the prospect of having to ride over to Hawkingridge together, since the wolfhound didn't like to be separated from Buffy.
Noting the couple's closed off body language, Willow decided that perhaps it wasn't best for them to try to resolve their issues on the trip over and said, "If Seamus can lie down in the backseat of my car, I'll take Buffy over. There should be just enough room for him and I'm in need of some girl time."
Buffy gave Willow a grateful look and quickly added, "If he's uncomfortable, we can stop along the way and he can move to the Rover."
"I think that's the best plan," Giles agreed as he walked around his vehicle. After climbing in, he yelled impatiently, "Xander, you coming?"
Xander looked at Buffy and Willow and let out a cleansing breath. "Okay, well, I'll see you over there then. And wish me luck. Nothing like sharing a car with a cranky, repressed, British Watcher."
"Thanks, Xand," Buffy said, placing her hand on his arm before he rounded the vehicle to get in on the passenger side. "I owe you one."
XxXxXxXx
Xander got out of the car in awe, his eye focused on the stately home before him. He knew what to expect from the pictures Giles had shared with him earlier, but the house was somehow more imposing in real life.
The sound of a car door slamming shut roused him from his thoughts. "Come on Xander," Giles called as he passed by him, heading for the entrance to the house.
"You... really grew up here?"
The Watcher sighed. Buffy had asked him the same thing. "No, Xander, I didn't. I conned an old man out of it and decided to turn it into a school," he grumbled.
"Yeah, okay, sorry, it's just... wow," the younger man said, craning his neck to take in the details. "Are there ghosts?"
"Not the kind you would expect," Giles answered as he ascended the stairs to where Matthew Sharpe the butler and Gerard Evans the estate manager were waiting for them. Giles supplied the introductions and the men headed to the library to start discussing the business of the house.
"The room for Miss Rosenberg has been prepared and your apartments are ready for you, Mr Harris. We've also set up an office for you to use, where copies of the architectural blueprints for the house have been placed for your convenience. You will, of course, let Gerard or myself know should anything be amiss or should you require anything else."
"Please, call me Xander, and yeah, thanks."
"Matthew, the girls will be arriving any moment, they needed to stop along the way and let the dog out to stretch his legs. Could you please see to it that they meet us here?"
"Yes, Sir Rupert."
Xander's head snapped up and he stared at Giles. Was that a new development, or had he known and just forgotten? He wracked his brain but came up empty. No. Definitely new. If he had given much thought about the grandness of the house and Giles' stuffiness, he might have put two and two together and made the connection, but it never occurred to him that Giles held a title.
"When is Daniel due to arrive, Gerard?" Giles asked the estate manager.
"Mr McTavish is expected a week from tomorrow. His apartments are almost ready. He required some changes to accommodate his disability and work on the modifications is almost complete."
"Very good," the Watcher replied as he unrolled one of the original blueprints across the table. "Shall we go over what's already in place?"
XxXxXxXx
Buffy and Willow arrived with Seamus and were greeted by Matthew who led them to the library. When they entered, they found Giles and Xander leaning over a table inspecting what looked like a giant map.
"So that's the west wing. What about the east wing?"
Giles straightened up and answered, "We'll make the changes in stages. Once construction begins on the west wing, we can begin drawing up plans for the east. Right now it is still my family's private residence. I need to sort through our personal items, decide what stays, what goes, and what I want to keep."
"We'll go through them together," Buffy reassured her fiancé in support, reminding him of her promise to him when they were at Hawkingridge last.
He pursed his lips and looked back down at the blueprints before changing the subject. "We're finished here, so I think a walk through the house is in order, then afterward, Buffy, Willow and I should investigate the area where Buffy became fatigued."
The three younger Scoobies looked at each other. Buffy shook her head and shrugged, her face reflecting her pain, and she instinctively reached out and curled her fingers in Seamus' shaggy grey coat. Xander grimaced, watching Buffy's reaction. He understood that Giles was angry, but alienating Buffy wasn't going to make him feel better. The younger man had wanted to address the Watcher on the drive over, tell him to work things out between himself and Buffy, but Giles had cranked the oldies station in the Rover and sang along with the Stones, Cream, Queen, and Pink Floyd for most of the drive.
Now he just wanted to shake some sense into Giles, but he tamped down the urge and said, "Sounds like a plan, big guy, and while you guys are out on your walk, I'll start making notes and working with Gerard here. It's time to get this project started."
Willow reached out and took Buffy's hand and squeezed it in support. The Slayer returned the gesture and gave her friends a look of gratitude as Giles turned and headed towards the doors leading out into the main hall of the house. The tour had begun.
XxXxXxXx
Giles followed Buffy, Seamus, and Willow up the path towards the bluff overlooking the inlet. When they reached the top, the wolfhound sat down and looked at his mistress in anticipation of what they were going to do next.
"This is where it happened. Everything was fine, I felt good and was getting ready to head down the path to the beach and then I just dropped to my knees unable to go any further," Buffy explained. She tried to get Giles' attention but he was looking everywhere but at her. She sighed. "You two can investigate. I am going to check out the path and see if it will support a bunch of students on a training run."
"Is there anything more we should know, Buffy?" Giles asked in a slightly accusatory tone as he looked up at her.
"I've told you everything. Believe what you want," she answered in defeat, fighting the urge to scream at him. She turned quickly so as not to come undone in front of him and said, "Come, Seamus."
"Was that necessary, Giles?" Willow scolded after Buffy and her wolfhound disappeared from their view.
"I don't need you to mother me, Willow," the Watcher retorted.
"Giles, look at her! She's wrecked! And she doesn't even know if you still want to marry her. You haven't spoken a word to her and she's at least trying to reach out to you."
"I'm not picking up any strange energy here, are you?"
"Don't change the subject!"
They glared at each other for several long moments before Giles succumbed to her 'resolve face.'
"She doesn't trust me, Willow. How are we supposed to build a life together if she can't or won't trust me?" he asked, pulling off his glasses and taking a seat on the ground, his eyes focused on watching the seagulls ride the wind currents over the water below them.
Willow sat down next to him. "She lost her powers before, remember? She was weak and uncoordinated and it scared her. She came to you and you dismissed her concerns."
The Watcher turned to look at the Wicca, his eyes full of anger. "Are you seriously asking if I did this?"
"No, no I'm not," Willow responded calmly. "Has she asked you if you did? Because it was you the last time."
Running his hand through his hair, he answered, "No, she hasn't."
"Why do you think that is, Giles? I mean, if she thought even for a moment that you were doing this to her, you'd be the victim of the mother of all breakups. But she knows it's not you. She trusts you enough to not even entertain that idea. You've proven yourself over and over since her eighteenth birthday. You've stood by her, chosen her above your job, your calling, and even your life, again and again. You've guided her and helped her when she couldn't help herself. And, yeah, you've made some bad judgments on occasion, but she knows you love her and you thought you were making the right decision at the time," she explained.
The melancholy Englishman sat quietly, contemplating his young friend's words, and he looked up at her when he heard her take a deep breath.
"Don't you see? It's not about trust. Whatever kept her from confiding in you this time is about something else entirely. She left the States for you. Do you think that was easy for her? Sure, she was unsure of what was going to happen next, but she would've adapted anywhere in the US if she'd had to, even Cleveland. Instead, she's here in Somerset with you. And as far as Buffy is concerned, she might as well be in Timbuktu. Things are very different here. We speak the same language... mostly, but culturally we're different. How did you feel when you left here for Sunnydale?" Willow paused, letting him take that in.
"Unbalanced," Giles capitulated, the edge to his tone gone.
"Maybe that's all it is, and maybe there's more to it than that, but you need to talk to her because if you don't it's going to be you that destroys this relationship, not her, and that would suck big time, because I have never seen either of you so happy in all the years we've been together," she lectured in earnest.
Giles looked at his hands. "Am I not entitled to my emotions, Willow?"
"Of course you are," she answered, her voice softening. "It's okay to be angry with her, and to be hurt that she didn't tell you about all this. No one is saying you shouldn't be. Just because you talk to her doesn't mean you leave your feelings at the door. What I'm trying to say is, don't shut her out. Remember what it was like without her. Remember how it felt to leave her. Giles, it would be a million times worse now."
"When did you get to be so grown up?" he asked, taking her hand in his.
"I fucked up big time... multiple times," Willow answered sadly as she looked Giles in the eyes. "Buffy's the love of your life, Giles. Tara was mine. You have a chance, so be happy."
"You'll find love again, Willow."
The redhead gave him a melancholy smile. "One day. It's what Tara would want, I know that. We're not meant to be solitary animals, but I'm not ready yet."
"Wise words."
Willow let out a shaky breath and ran her hand through her long red hair. It was getting easier to talk about Tara, but it still stung emotionally and she felt the need to change the subject, hoping that her pep talk was enough to push Giles to approach Buffy and sort through their issues.
"You know, there's nothing here that would cause Buffy's powers to drain, Giles. We're going to have to look at the other possibilities." Willow gave him an apologetic smile and stood up, brushing the dirt and plant debris from her clothing. "Why don't you go follow her? I am going to walk around and check out the wards we have protecting the property."
"Thank you."
The Wicca nodded and headed back down the trail towards the house, leaving Giles to mull over their conversation.
XxXxXxXx
Giles found Buffy sitting on a rise overlooking the beach. Seamus was happily running at full speed in the opposite direction, along the waterline, splashing as he went, turning back when he felt he'd gone too far, and then running back in the opposite direction when he came within a certain distance of his Slayer. The dog was going to need a bath when he got back to the house, or at the very least a hose down.
Sitting down next to his fiancée, Giles focused his attention on the antics of the wolfhound, who was now digging in the wet sand, and stated, "If we're going to make a go of this, we should probably work harder at communicating with each other."
Buffy sighed and looked down at her hands, "If I were you, I'd be mad at me too."
"I am angry, Buffy, but to an even greater extent, I am hurt, and because of those feelings, I reacted poorly. For that I am sorry."
"No, I am sorry. I should have told you," she apologized as she turned to look at him.
He reached over and took her hand in his and asked, "Why didn't you?" She was quiet for several moments and he searched her sorrowful green eyes for answers. He could see her anguish, her conflict, and her regret. "Please tell me."
"Because, for once, I wanted to be there for you. Because you were hurting having to face your past and the deaths of your parents and your sister. Because all of a sudden there were crises and issues that you were dealing with and I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to be the one you relied on," she explained.
"Buffy, I know you are there for me and I do rely on you. Perhaps more than you know," he countered.
"But I need to know that I am doing everything I can to be there for you. And that means putting things that bother me on hold while I help you deal with your stuff. Yes, I knew that what happened to me was important. Yes, I was going to tell you, but then I found you in a room full of strangers who were also Watchers. I didn't know what to expect and I certainly wasn't going to tell them what had just happened on the hill. And I had every intention of telling you afterwards, but it didn't happen."
"I understand if you didn't want to tell me whilst we were here, but we've been home two weeks, love, and you haven't said a thing," Giles reminded her, needing answers.
"Things were normal, like really normal. We were this totally normal couple, you know, like ones that don't have destinies where they have to kill the things that make nightmares seem regular happy dreams. We slept in when we wanted, went to bed when we felt like it, made love whenever the mood took us, took little day trips around the countryside, rode horses every morning, did our chores together, and yeah, we even worked on Council stuff, but all that Slayer stuff seemed a million miles away and I almost believed that we were... normal. I can't say 'I'm sorry' enough, I know that. I know I've hurt you, and I hate that I've made you feel that way," she apologized. "I never meant to keep anything from you. I honestly just didn't think about it."
"Oh, my love," Giles murmured as he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb.
Buffy tentatively leaned her head against his shoulder and he shifted, putting his arm around her and drawing her into him. Several moments of quiet reflection passed before she looked up at him, and he leaned down and caressed her lips with his. She sighed and nuzzled into his shoulder.
"We're never going to have that, are we?" she asked unhappily.
"Normal?"
"Just a time when we don't have some mystical crisis of the week or some apocalyptic event we have to deal with. It's always something."
"We're working to mitigate that so we only have to be involved in a tertiary way, if at all," he reassured her. "That's the plan."
"Sometimes I wonder why we bother. I mean look at everything. It hasn't stopped since we left California. Sure, I don't patrol anymore and nothing icky is chasing us, but I'm having issues, you're healed and have been restored to having a body of a thirty year old. Not that that sucks, it's actually pretty cool, because you don't hurt anymore, but we don't know why-"
"Did you ever think that perhaps my healing might be related to you losing your strength?" Giles interrupted.
She glared at her fiancé, a bit perturbed that he would interject on her rant. "No, I really didn't, because your hand was still hurting and broken when I lost my powers up on the hill, and when you got the magickal healing high, I was fine, in fact, maybe a little better than fine. I felt good. If you were borrowing my powers, wouldn't I have been affected negatively?"
"One would assume so," he agreed. "I just have no other explanation for it. One can argue that you didn't feel your 'Spidey sense' leave you before you were surprised by the vampire in Bristol."
"No, I didn't," the Slayer answered with a somber sigh. "None of it makes any sense."
Giles hugged her to him and kissed her temple. "We'll figure it out," he promised. "I'm chasing a theory about aging Slayers, but I am waiting to hear back from the other Watchers as to whether they have the diaries I need. I also need to check the library here. We brought my father's diaries home, but didn't bring any others in his collection back with us.
She hugged him tightly. "Even when you are mad at me, you're still researching for me."
"I love you, Buffy, that doesn't change because I am angry."
She'd known that. How many times had Giles done what she needed him to do whether he wanted to or not, whether he felt like it or not? Giles just did what had to be done, regardless of his feelings. Like the previous night, when she found him in the library working... for her.
"I truly don't deserve you," she sighed, rubbing her cheek against his chest.
They sat quietly and watched Seamus run into the water, chasing after a duck that had landed a few feet away from him. The wolfhound lunged and the duck flew off, making its displeasure known to all around. Seamus looked absolutely dejected, his body completely drenched.
"He thinks he's a retriever." Buffy couldn't help but giggle at Seamus' antics. "Silly dog."
"Retrievers go after dead ducks," Giles noted with a chuckle. "Seems our dog is quite the menace."
Biting her lip, she turned to him and changed the subject, "Ru, Are we okay?"
Seeing the look of apprehension on her beautiful face, Giles reached out and stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers, the corner of his mouth curling up into a small, sympathetic smile before he leaned in and covered her lips with his. She brought her hands up and circled his neck, playing with the soft hair at the back of his head.
Giles surrendered his hurt feelings and lost himself to the feel of her lips on his and her gentle caresses as he moved his hand from her cheek to the nape of her neck, drawing her closer. Buffy moved to straddle his thighs, getting a better angle to continue her assault on her fiancé and he pulled her down with him as he slowly fell into the grass.
She nibbled along his jawline and down his neck to his collarbone and groaned in frustration when she encountered his shirt. He let out a little chuckle and moved to help her unbutton it, but she slapped his hands away and took to the task herself, kissing along his sternum and belly as she went.
Not wanting to remain passive, Giles moved his hands to her waist and over her buttocks, squeezing and thrusting up against her, and she responded by grinding against him as she spread his now open shirt away from his body, trailing open mouthed kisses back up to his chest. Upon finding a hardened nipple, Buffy began to lick and nibble around it before sucking it into her mouth, causing him to arch into her and let out a strangled cry.
The noise took Buffy by surprise and she sat up quickly, remembering that they were out in the open. "Ugh!" she ground out, running an exasperated hand through her messy hair while she surveyed their surroundings.
"What?" he panted, trying to get his breathing under control. Lifting his head and looking at her in concern, he asked, "What's wrong?"
She returned his gaze apologetically. "It's... too public."
Cupping her cheek, he answered, "We're on private property and quite secluded here, but if it makes you uncomfortable, we can continue this somewhere more private later."
Buffy closed her eyes in thought and when she opened them it was to see her rather conflicted Watcher lying beneath her.
"You're right. We're alone and Seamus will watch out for us," she said with an impish smile.
"That means-"
She stopped him mid-sentence with a long, lazy, luxurious kiss, and when she was done, she trailed kisses up to his ear and whispered, "Not stopping," before nipping her way down his neck.
Giles shuddered at the feel of her teeth along his skin and was eternally thankful that she had decided not to put a halt to their activities. His hands found the hem of her shirt and he brushed his fingers along her ribcage as he lifted it up. Shivering at his touch, Buffy sat up and pulled it off, watching as his eyes feasted upon her lace clad breasts. Returning his hungry gaze to her face, he pulled himself up into a sitting position and lightly traced her right areola with his index finger before replacing it with his tongue and latching onto her nipple.
As he licked and sucked, Buffy threw her head back and undulated against his burgeoning erection. He gasped and let go of her nipple before desperately reaching around to unhook her bra. She shimmied out of the garment and crashed her lips down on his, their tongues urgently tangling with and twining around each other.
He reached down and unbuttoned her jeans, drawing the zipper down; and as she lifted herself up on her knees, he pulled the last of her clothing over her hips and rear and down her thighs before his curious fingers started to explore and tease along her dampened slit. Breathing heavily, Buffy broke the kiss and urgently started to unbutton the fly of his jeans, the strain from his erection making it a difficult task. They finished undressing each other in a flurry of activity and she rolled over onto her back, pulling him down on top of her.
"If anyone manages to get by Seamus," she teased, "they can get an eye full of your cute British butt."
He settled himself between her legs and trailed open mouth kisses from her collar bone up to her throat. "At this point, I don't give a damn if there is anyone watching," he breathed as he moved to nibble on her earlobe. "Let's just give them a damned good show."
Eyes closed, she threw her head back and let out a whimper as her fingernails raked up his sides. He reared up and hissed at the sensations, his eager cock brushing insistently against the soft curls of her sex.
"Open your eyes, love," he instructed, resting his forehead against hers.
When her dark green eyes met his intense paler ones he guided himself to her and entered her slowly, feeling her tight heat envelop him. She bit her lip to stifle a moan and he lowered his head and kissed her with all the passion that had built up over the last twenty-four hours, releasing the anger, the fear, and the underlying love that had fueled his frustrations at her recent omission.
As ever, his beautiful Slayer was impatient and began to move against him, urging him aton, and establishing a comfortable rhythm he was all too happy to join. There was an intensity to their lovemaking, one that was fueled by the renewed sense of openness they now shared with one another. He watched her as their pacing and rhythm changed, bringing each other higher and closer to peak, and loving the way she expressed her love and desire for him in her touches and kisses.
Her little whimpers and pants drove him crazy and when she closed her eyes and bit her lower lip as she edged closer to completion, Giles thought he might let go too early, but he held on, drew her hips up over his thighs, and deepened the angle, varying his thrusts. He then leaned down to kiss her neck and nuzzle just below her ear.
"I love you, Buffy," he whispered before lightly biting down on her earlobe.
Giles felt her shudder and tighten around him and when she bucked against him, he joined her in her climax, tucking his forehead into the crook of her neck as they rode out the shudders and sudden aftershocks.
Feeling him tremble above her, Buffy carefully rolled them onto their sides and pressed a kiss into the hollow of his throat. "I love you too," she purred as she snuggled into his side.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, trying to shield her from the late afternoon wind as it blew in from across the water.
"Not much time to bask in the afterglow," Buffy grumbled good-naturedly before kissing him and reaching about for her clothes.
Rolling over on his back, Giles groaned his disappointment as she sat up, but admitted, "Probably not the best setting for such activities, no." He then pulled himself up and kissed her bare shoulder. "Although I don't regret it."
Buffy leaned into his chest and they held each other for a few moments longer before beginning the task of getting dressed. When they were ready, the couple began the long walk back to the house hand in hand, trailed by their four legged guardian as they chatted about nothing and everything as only two lovers can. Before reaching the grand entrance of Hawkingridge, Buffy stopped their progress.
When she bit her lip this time, it was to highlight a very different emotion and she looked up into her lover's eyes and admitted, "I'm scared, Ru. Scared of all of this whacky crap that's been happening to us... your sudden healing, me losing my strength and then my ability to detect demons..."
Giles pulled her to him, hugging her close. He then kissed the top of her head and rested his cheek against it. "It frightens me too, Buffy. I don't have the answers and every lead so far has been a dead end, but I promise you, I will do everything I can to find out what is going on and to fix it."
"I know," she answered, returning his hug. She felt stronger and safer than she had in a long while enveloped in his arms.
"Ah, there you two, are!" Xander called out from the top of the steps, accompanied by Willow. "Will and I were going to send out a search party, but no need now. By the looks of things, we can take it that everything is good again?"
Giles gave the younger man a half smile and Buffy nodded.
"Good!" Willow exclaimed. "I'm so done with the awkward. Shall we go get some dinner before you two head home? We're starving!"
"I know of a seafood restaurant not too far away," the Watcher recommended.
"Do they do fish and chips?" Xander asked.
The Englishman rolled his eyes as his friends joined them on the drive. He'd bit back his snarky comment regarding trying foods that were prepared some other way other than frying. He was in too good a mood and wrapped his arm around his lady love, leading her over to the Rover as the others followed behind. For now, they would pretend to be normal.