Sharon hadn't expected her return to Los Angeles to be difficult, but it was. Although she had spoken to Jack while she stayed in Khao I Dang, she was not ready to return home yet. After twenty-four hours of traveling, Sharon found herself standing at LAX without any clue where she was supposed to go. Despite making up with Jack on the phone, she wasn't sure where they stood with each other. And she didn't have any close friends she could go to. That was, except for Henry, whom she ended up calling from the airport.
He told her he'd meet her at his place, and Sharon took a cab there. Henry lived in a duplex in Echo Park, not too far from where Sharon and Jack lived, and Sharon felt out of place when she stepped out of the cab in front of his house. She didn't look like she belonged on his nicely mowed lawn with the purple flowers.
"Look at you," he said when he opened the door.
Sharon smiled softly and shrugged.
"Didn't they feed you in Thailand?" he asked, taking her backpack.
Sharon knew that she lost some weight because the clothes she brought to Thailand were now too big. "The food was great, actually. I just avoided the meat."
"Seriously? You didn't eat meat for two and half months?" Henry quirked an eyebrow.
"I didn't trust the hygiene, so I mostly ate rice and fruit," Sharon replied.
"That sounds boring," Henry replied, placing Sharon's backpack beside the door and inviting her in.
"Not really," Sharon explained to him about the Thai food and the exotic fruits she tasted in Thailand.
Even though Sharon assured him that the food in Thailand was very fulfilling despite the fact that she didn't eat any meat, Henry declared that they would have a barbeque in the evening. "Listen, why don't you get some rest, and I'll buy meat for dinner?"
He showed her around the house and made the bed for her before he left to get groceries for their dinner and to develop the photos Sharon had taken in Thailand.
After a quick shower, Sharon sat on the chaise long in Henry's backyard. She knew jet lag would keep her awake at night if she didn't try to stay awake. Despite her attempt to do so, she felt her eyelids becoming heavy, and her head rolled to the side.
When Sharon opened her eyes a couple of hours later, she noticed that she was covered with a knitted blanket and that the sun was slowly setting. Henry was oiling the grate of his grill with an onion.
"Had a good nap?" he asked with a soft smile.
Sharon wiped her eyes and pushed the blanket aside. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."
"Traveling for twenty-four hours will do that to you," Henry smiled. "I'm starting dinner."
"Can I help?" Sharon asked as she folded the blanket.
"You can set the table and maybe grab us some beers from the fridge," Henry said.
Sharon went inside the house to set the table. She returned to the backyard with two bottles of beer and handed Henry one.
"I can't believe you bought so much meat," Sharon said when he laid a big steak on the grill. She felt slightly uncomfortable that he'd gone to such lengths for her.
"My cousin is a butcher," Henry shrugged.
"That's useful," Sharon replied.
"Anyway, I wanna hear stories. What was it like there? What did you do?"
Sharon told him about Khao I Dang, the people she met, the weather, the Kampuchean refugees, her work in the camp, the elephant experience, the food, and the Thai people. Henry listened to her, hypnotized by her stories. Sharon knew he'd never been out of the States, and she could see the wheels in his brain turning as he considered doing something similar.
"You're courageous to do this, Sharon," he said as he removed the last steak from the grill.
"I don't know if I'm brave," Sharon said. "That last night at home felt like an escape."
Henry carried the meat to the table. "What's the situation between you and Jack, if you don't mind me asking?"
"I don't know. I spoke to him a month ago, so I know he passed the bar exam and has found a job. But we didn't discuss my last night at home or what he'd done."
"He didn't apologize?" Henry asked as he uncapped two new beer bottles and handed her one.
Sharon shook her head and took a long sip of her beer.
"What are you gonna do?" Henry asked.
"I have no idea," Sharon said. "My heart is telling me I should go back home, and my brain is telling me that a place where I can't be myself is not a real home."
"Can I be honest?" Henry put a big steak on her plate.
Sharon nodded. She knew what he would say but thought it might help her decide.
"As a cop and a friend, I think you should leave him. I know you have feelings for Jack, but I truly fear for your safety if you go back to him."
"I don't think Jack is violent," Sharon said as she cut into the steak. The steak was rare, and its red juices flooded Sharon's plate. She stared at it for a moment and put down her fork.
"Violence comes in many forms, Sharon. And besides, do you think you can be happy with a man who manipulated you this way?" Henry asked.
"I think he deserves a chance to explain himself," Sharon said.
"Look, it's not my place to get between you and Jack, but I think you should be careful."
Sharon nodded and emptied her beer in one long sip.
"You're not eating," Henry noted.
"It's too raw," she said apologetically.
Henry immediately took the steak off Sharon's plate and replaced it with a more cooked one. Sharon noticed how he watched her as she ate. She knew he was worried about her. Leyla had also voiced similar concerns before Sharon left Thailand.
After dinner, Sharon washed the dishes and wished Henry good night before she went to bed. Despite her earlier nap, she was exhausted but found it hard to fall asleep without the cricket chirp of Khao I Dang and the sound of Leyla's breaths by her side. She closed her eyes and tried to conjure the sounds in her mind, imagining her sister's presence in the room and the thickness of the air that engulfed their hut at night. Eventually, her fatigue and the feeling of Henry's nice sheets against her skin lulled her to sleep.
It took Sharon a week to give Jack a call. She decided to meet him for coffee outside of the house. Because Jack's new job didn't allow him a long lunch break, they met downtown at the end of his workday.
Sharon arrived at the diner first and ordered herself a cup of coffee. Coffee was one of the only things these days that kept her going, as she found it hard to get used to American food again. Everything felt heavy and greasy compared to the simplicity of Thai food. Henry commented to her that she was continuing to lose weight rapidly and that the Police force wouldn't take her back if she didn't keep her weight. Sharon wasn't even sure if she would return to being a cop, but for the time being, she kept that to herself.
Sharon was in the middle of her second cup of coffee when Jack walked into the diner and sat in front of her. Sharon could tell that he, too, had lost weight, had gotten a new haircut, and looked pale and tired.
"Hi," he said to her warmly.
Sharon replied with a soft "hi."
They sat there in silence, neither sure what to say.
"I guess things didn't go so well before you left," Jack said after a few wordless moments had passed.
"No, they didn't," Sharon agreed with him.
"I never meant to scare you that night," he reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. "I was scared you'll never return to me if you leave."
Sharon could see that his eyes were filled with tears. She didn't know what to say.
"I was selfish. I only thought about my needs and didn't consider how you felt. You needed space, and I thought there would be no room left for me if you got that."
"So, you thought taking away my freedom would serve your purpose?" Sharon's accusatory tone surprised her. She didn't come here to fight, but these words left her mouth instinctively.
"I was too desperate to think straight. I'm sorry for my behavior, Sharon. What I've done was stupid and inconsiderate, and you didn't deserve it," Jack said.
Sharon stared into her coffee for a long moment. Jack's apology sounded heartfelt, but she still found it difficult to trust him.
"Are you planning to come back home?" Jack asked.
"No," Sharon replied.
"So, you wanna break up?"
Sharon shook her head.
"Do you even know what you want?" Jack was beginning to lose his patience.
Sharon lifted her gaze from her cup and looked into Jack's deep blue eyes. "I want to be able to trust you again."
"You can trust me, Sharon."
She shook her head as her eyes filled with tears. "I lost my trust in you when you tried to stop me from going away."
"I'll do whatever you want, Sharon. I promise that I'll never do anything like that again. You know me; I'm not a bad person, and I love… God, Sharon, I love you so much that every day without you makes my heart ache." He leaned forwards and cupped her face, quickly pressing his lips to hers.
In the first moment, Sharon savored the kiss. Her body missed Jack, but her mind quickly went into action, reminding her that this was just another manipulation, another way he was trying to get into her good graces. She pulled back.
"This is not how you gain my trust, Jack," she said quietly.
Jack apologized; his voice was soft and caressing. "Are you staying somewhere safe?"
"Yes, I'm staying with a friend," Sharon replied.
"Do you need anything?" he asked.
"I have everything I need."
"Are you sure? You look a little hungry," Jack replied.
"I'm still getting used to American food again," Sharon said.
"Must be different over there, huh?"
Sharon nodded and placed a bill on the table. "I have to go, but I'll be in touch."
Sharon took a bus to Henry's place. She was happy that he wasn't home when she arrived. It allowed her to take a long hot bath, think about what she wanted from her relationship with Jack, and contemplate whether she still wanted to be with him. Everything was very confusing, and she needed time to figure it out. She needed time to heal.