A/N: Hello all, glad to see so many of you are still here with me. I just wanted to say thank you all for reading. Bella,Brooke Davis23, brucasever, roseyanna, martine, Brucas2006, krjemb, othfan326, Sarah, dolcegrazia, Long Live Brucas, LifeIChose, Brooke Lucas Forever, Luv2Live, brucasfan, Brucasforever09, miralinda, whiters-►Thank you all for all the wonderful reviews and kempokarate12 -►thank you as well for all the amazing reviews you recently left. I'm glad you discovered the story.
All the reviews you guys leave are greatly appreciated as well as those of you who have put it on alert and are reading quietly. Anyhow, on to the story.
Confessions, Secrets, and Life's Painful Truths
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~The secret sits in the middle. (Robert Frost)
Brooke and Lucas sat in the restaurant, her sipping on her mineral water as he drank another mixed drink. They'd already finished dinner, catching up with what he'd done on the book tour and how things were going at Clothes Ova Bro's.
As Lucas downed the greenish liquid that he hoped would give him courage, he couldn't help but be nervous. There had been a lot of moments since Brooke's attack where he could have confessed his feelings to her but he was afraid of all the progress they'd made in their friendship and he couldn't bear the thought of her not being in his life at all. Plus there was Peyton's feeling to consider and her friendship with Brooke and Lucas was not looking forward to causing a rift between the best friends for a third time, although if her were honest with himself, he could tell he already had.
"Whoa Boozy," Brooke said playfully. "You sure are throwing them back tonight. What's in that stuff anyways?"
"Cognac and Hpnotiq," he answered. "I guess I'm just celebrating that the tour was such a success." He paused briefly. "I'm glad that you're here with me, to share in this moment just like you did when my first book was being published."
"There's no where else I'd rather be," her raspy voice was soft. "Luke, there's something I need to tell you."
"Me too," he replied.
She gave a nervous laugh. "Well then you go first," Brooke offered, trying to draw out the moment she'd have to tell him she was pregnant and let the rest of the world in our their secret.
"I just…" he trailed off, unsure where to start and a bit affected by the alcohol, "You know I was just thinking, you're always here, standing right by my side, whether my dreams come true or my world is falling apart. You're amazing Brooke Davis, you know that?"
She blushed slightly. "You've been there for me too Lucas, through some of the hardest stuff I've ever had to face."
"But I wasn't always," he replied. "I know that I wasn't always there for you the way you needed me to be; that I hurt you."
"It's okay Lucas," she shook her head. "There's no reason to dredge up the past."
"I know, it's just I think about that night a few years back, in this same city and I wonder if that night had ended differently, where we'd be now." His blue eyes stared into her hazel ones. "Letting you go all those years ago and then hurting you that night…"
"Lucas," she said his name softly, pleading with her eyes for him to drop it.
"I called you first," the words seemed to come out of his mouth before he could think.
She peered at him, somehow knowing what he was saying but not understanding. "What?"
"That night at the airport," his eyes shifted to the table for a moment before looking back at her awaiting eyes. "I had two tickets to Vegas and I called you first."
"No," she shook her head as her eyes began to fill with tears.
He reached over to hold her hand. "Brooke…"
"Don't," she interrupted. "Things are complicated enough Lucas."
"And I'm sorry about that but I've been denying how I feel about you for too long and I can't anymore," Lucas countered. "Brooke, I love you."
"No," she took her hand form his grasp. "You love Peyton; she's your soulmate and you guys are getting married. You love Peyton."
"You're right, I do love Peyton," he agreed. "But I'm not in love with her. That book, The Comet, it's not about Peyton. It's about you Brooke; the way my heart longs for something it lost and the slim hope that it will return, that somehow you will come back to me despite how hopeless it seems because people who are meant to be together always find their way in the end.."
"Please don't do this to me Lucas," the tears were rolling down her cheeks. "I can't take it. I can't take another one of your love speeches only for you to go back to her again. I won't do it again, not to myself and not to Peyton." She exhaled deeply. "And I won't do it to my baby."
"You're baby?" he looked at her questionably. "You did it then? You're pregnant with my child?"
"Yes," she nodded, tears still streaming down her face. "And I am so grateful for this gift," she placed he hand on her stomach protectively. "But I have to do what's best for me and my baby."
"Our baby," he corrected. "That has to mean something, the fact that you asked me to father your child; that you wanted to be connected to me."
"Not to you Luke, to my baby before." She cried, unable to hold it in any longer, "The baby that I lost."
His brows furrowed in confusion. "What baby?"
"Senior year," she shook her head. "After Keith died, I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to tell you but you were dealing with so much and then you told me about your HCM and you left with your mom." She shook a little as she tried but failed to stifle her cries, unconcerned that there were people in the restaurant looking at them. "Our baby died before you got back. I was going to tell you but that night you came back but Peyton told me she loved you and then there was Naley's wedding and you kissing Peyton in the library and all of our friends in the hospital…"
"And then you broke up with me," he interrupted her rambling, trying to take everything she'd just said in. "Is that why?"
"You weren't there while I grieved alone," she shook her head. "All the while I tried to be there for you but you pushed me away and turned to her. You punished me for not being in the school that day but I lost a lot too."
"Brooke, I'm sorry for the way I hurt you but how could you not tell me?" he looked at her incredulously. "I lost a child I didn't even know about; Brooke you didn't even give me a chance to grieve with you."
"I can't do this." She stood up. "I have to go."
"Brooke," he stood up as she started towards the exit.
"Please Lucas," Brooke shook her head before running out the restaurant.
Nathan opened the door slowly as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him softly. He was so glad to have the weekend off and couldn't wait to surprise Haley and Jamie. After spending his first game riding the bench and with the trouble he was having with some of his teammates, a couple days with his family was definitely what he needed.
He laid his duffel on the ground before making it up to his bedroom, slowly opening the door and hoping to wake his wife with a kiss. Nathan steps in the bedroom, surprised to find the bed empty and already made. He checks the adjoining bathroom with no luck before going to Jamie's room, finding it empty as well. So much for my homecoming.
As Nathan rounds the corner, he hears a soft cry coming from his mother's bedroom and quickly makes his way to the door. "Mom," he knocked softly as the door cracked open. "Mom, are you okay?"
"Nathan," she smiled through her tears, wiping her face before getting up from the chair she was sitting on and throwing her arms around her son. "What are you doing here?"
"They do let me out every now and again," he pulled back to look at her. "What's wrong? Where's Haley and Jamie; nothing's wrong with them is there?"
"No," she shook her head. "Jamie's friend Brandon had a sleepover last night and Haley had an appointment this morning. She's going to pick him up on his way back."
"So, why are you crying then mom?" he asked.
"It's nothing honey, really." She waved her hand in the air. "Let's go in the kitchen and I'll fix you some breakfast; you can tell me all about life as a Fort Wayne Mad Ant." She started towards the kitchen.
"Mom, I know you and you don't cry for no reason," he followed her. "What's going on? Are you sick?"
She could hear the concern in his voice. "No, honey I'm not sick, just a little heart broken." She gave a half smile. "The guy that I was dating, we broke up. I was just thinking about him, that's all."
"The guy who had you acting crazy and swimming naked in the pool?" he raised his brows at her. "So I guess you can tell me his name now so I can kick his ass for making my mom cry."
She smiled. "You're a good son but I'm fine Nate. I actually broke up with him; it just wasn't going to work out."
"You sure?" he asked.
"Yeah," she answered softly as she began to pull out the carton of eggs and a pack of bacon from the fridge. "I'm sure Haley should be home with Jamie soon; they'll be so happy to see you."
Nathan nodded. "I should probably wash up; get the road dirt off me." He stood up. "Everything's going to be okay mom."
"Yeah," she replied and then watched as her son left the room. "I sure hope so."
Haley sat on the edge of the bed, waiting patiently for the doctor to come back with her release papers. She remembered the last time she was in this hospital, a few days after Nathan left for Fort Wayne.
"So I have Epstein Barr?" Haley asked. "I don't really understand what that means."
"Well it's actually a member of the herpes virus family," he explained. "It is spread through saliva."
"Like mononucleosis?" she questioned.
"Yes but it's actually extremely common," the doctor explained. "Over 95% of people will contract it by the time they are thirty-five and in most people it lies dormant all their lives."
"Lucky me," Haley rolled her eyes. "I just had to be the trendsetter." She paused briefly. "So the fatigue, that's a symptom of this?"
"Yes," he answered. "Have you had a fever lately, sore throat, head ache?"
"Yeah, I had a sore throat last week and I had a headache twice last week as well," she answered. "I take it that's another symptom." She paused briefly. "So what do I do to cure this?"
"There is no cure," he stated. "But old fashion remedies are the best; drink lots of fluid, get plenty of rest, reduce your stress level and you should be just fine."
"So how long do these symptoms last?" Haley looked up at him, worry on her features.
"The fatigue will be the predominant symptom. You can expect that to last two to three weeks but symptoms may run into approximately six weeks." The doctor paused. "You won't need to stay bed ridden, just no heavy lifting or contact sports."
It had been seven weeks since that visit and even though the doctor informed her that most likely her symptoms had just lingered a little longer, Haley couldn't help but wonder if this painful experience was over or if it had just begun.
"So, what do you think?" Peyton turned to the man sitting beside her. "They sound really good, right?"
"Yeah, more than really good; all the tracks are great if I do say so myself," Mick mused, proud of the work he'd done on Jake's album. "Your friend definitely has what it takes; that honesty and heart in his music that so many artists lack today. I liked what you did on Savannah; the multilayered vocals really make the chorus pop."
"Thank you." She smiled. "I was sitting there listening to the playback and I thought it was just missing something but once I did that, it made it complete."
"Complete," he repeated with a nod of his head. "You do know what that means Peyton?"
"Yeah," she nodded; knowing that meant Mick would be leaving. "I know you promised to stay till Jake's album was done…"
"And now that it is, it's time I move on," he finished for her.
"I don't want you to go," she shook her head. "These last few months, getting to know you have been great."
"They've been great for me too Peyton," he replied.
"Then why do you have to go?" her green eyes looked up at him, holding the innocence and wishes of a child.
"I've never been one who could stay in one place for a long time," he explained. "It's why I wouldn't have made a good father; I have to be on the road, follow the music. It's just who I am."
"I know," she tried to stop her eyes from watering. "Will I see you again?"
"Of course," Mick replied as he stood up, walking over to his guitar case. "I knew we were pretty close to finishing so I made some calls; I'm going to jump on the last of this tour day after tomorrow but I'll be back by the time you get ready to walk down that aisle." He opened up the case and pulled out what looked like a betting chip. "I have something for you; here." He held it out to her.
Peyton took the chip and looked at it curiously before reading the words on it. "One year sober." Her eyes shifted back to the man in front of her. "You do know I saw you have a beer with Jake last night right?"
He laughed. "It's not mine; that chip there was Ellie's. It was from the year she was pregnant with you." He gave a soft laugh as he thought of his one time love. "She was hell bent on staying sober during the pregnancy and a couple months after she gave you up to your parents, she found me; told me all about the wonderful people she'd found to raise you and she gave me this before she left. I've cherished ever since."
"Thank you," Peyton said before throwing her arms around him, grateful for the small token that obviously meant so much. "I really appreciate this."
"You're welcome," Mick hugged her back for a moment before pulling away. "I should get going now; I'll see ya."
"Yeah," Peyton nodded as he picked up his guitar case and walked out of her studio, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I'll see ya."
Rachel stepped inside, pressing the familiar code to the alarm, before she threw her purse on the couch and went into the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water. It had been a long day and it had hardly even started. She'd been at Scoot and Associates Investigations for an update, finding out there were a couple of leads, one in Quebec of all places and one in a small town in Pennsylvania. She threw the cell phone in her hand down, frustrated that all this could be avoided if her mother would just tell her the truth.
"What did that cell phone do to you hoe?" Brooke said as she came down the stairs.
"Hey baby momma," Rachel said as she turned around. "When did you get back?"
"Early this morning," she sat next to the red head. "I couldn't get out of New York fast enough."
"Damn," Rachel took notice of the puffiness around her friend's eyes. "You look about as bad as I feel. What happened up there? Did you see Lucas?"
"Yeah," she replied. "And I told him everything," she paused briefly as she bit at the corner of her lip, "like everything."
"Like the baby you lost?" Rachel peered at her. She still couldn't believe Brooke had kept it from her all these years but she understood. She hadn't exactly been forthright with everything herself. "What did he say?"
"Not much, I really didn't give him the chance." Brooke shook her head. "We were at dinner and he started talking about the past and how he called me to go to Vegas first when and that he was in love with me and…"
"Wait a minute," Rachel held her hand up, blinking a few times. "He did what?"
"Yeah," she nodded. "I guess because I've bottled all this stuff up so long and because of the hormones, I just couldn't deal you know. I blurted out that I was pregnant and about the miscarriage and left." She shook her head. "I do feel bad about not telling him but I was an emotional wreck back then."
"From the looks of it you still are," Rachel offered.
"Thanks," she scoffed. "It's just so much was going on. I just didn't…"
"You don't have to explain it to me Brooke," Rachel spoke over her friend. "I know what you felt like." She couldn't help but think about the secret she'd held.
"Rach?" the brunette peered at her, only ever hearing her sound so serious twice before; once when she spoke about Cooper and once when she divulged when she'd been raped. "Honey, what is it?"
"Do you still have feelings for Owen?" she turned chestnut eyes to her friend as the words abruptly came out of her mouth.
"You mean the Owen that left a hole shaped like him in my door when I told him I wanted to be a mother, no." She squinted at her friend curiously. "Why; Rachel did you sleep with him?"
"Yes," she replied before quickly speaking again, noticing the look Brooke gave her, "but not the way that you think. It happened a really, really long time ago; before I even knew you."
"You mean before you came to Tree Hill?" Brooke asked; her face tension visibly relaxing.
"Like I told you before, I had quite a bit of surgery when I was fourteen so I looked a lot older," she paused briefly. "He was eighteen when I met him and I told him I was seventeen." She shook her head. "Anyways, we dated for a while and eventually slept together. He was my first. When he found out my real age, he dropped me and then soon he went away to college and I never saw him again."
"Wow," she paused momentarily. "Rachel, why didn't you tell me any of this before?"
"I don't know," she breathed out heavily. "I was pretty strung out when you guys found me in New York and then you seemed to really like him; I didn't want to ruin things for you guys."
"But you're telling me now," Brooke peered at her friend curiously. "Why?"
"Because like you never got to tell Lucas, I never got to tell Owen that I was pregnant," she answered truthfully. "I came back looking for him but he was already gone and his family wouldn't tell me where he was."
"Did you tell his family?" Brooke asked.
"No," Rachel shook her head. "Pretty soon my parents found out and they sent me to my aunt's house till I gave birth."
"Oh my God Rachel," Brooke's eyes grew wide as she reached over to hold her friend's hand. "What happened to your baby?"
"I don't know," a stray tear rolled down her cheek. "My parents told me it was best if my aunt and uncle were to raise her…"
"Your baby was a girl?" the brunette asked.
"Yeah," she nodded. "Ever since I got out of Promises, I've wanted to find her but my mom won't tell me where her sister is so I've hired someone to find them for me." She paused briefly to take a shaky breath. "I guess that's why I'm telling you now, because I'm hoping I find her."
"And when you do," Brooke's green eyes stared into her friend's light brown orbs. "What will you tell Owen?"
Rachel sighed. "Honestly, I have no idea."
Haley stood over the stove, slowly the marinara sauce with a wooden spoon as she heard the door open behind her.
"Hey Momma," Jamie beamed as he came through the door.
"Hey," she turned around smiling. "How are my boys?"
"Great!" Jamie exclaimed. "Daddy took me to the park and we played basketball with Uncle Lucas, Uncle Skills, and all the guys and then we had a water gun fight in the house."
"Sounds fun," she smiled down at him.
"Hey baby," Nathan said as he placed a soft kiss on her lips. "That smells really good." He slid his arms around her from behind.
"It's almost ready," she leaned back and glanced at him before looking down at Jamie. "Why don't you go get washed up before dinner sport?"
"Okay," he smiled before running towards the bathroom.
"I have missed you so much," he placed a soft kiss on her neck.
"Me too," she leaned her head back so he could capture her lips in a kiss. "And I promise to show you just how much tonight but now, you need to go wash up too."
He gave a short laugh. "Alright," he patted her on the butt, causing her to giggle, before walking in to the bathroom and turning on the water. He wasn't sure what has cause him to look at the small waste bin between the toilet and the sink but he couldn't help but take notice of the rectangular box with some tissue laid over it. Nathan peered at it for a moment, seeing the pink and purple from underneath the piece of tissue as his curiosity got the better of him and he fished out the box with a piece of tissue of his own.
E.P.T. His eyes glanced over the three bold letters on the box before acknowledging the rest of the words. Noticing the stick was still inside; he immediately slid it on to the bathroom counter as he heard the words from the commercial in his head.
Two lines if you're pregnant, one if you're not.
As he looked down at the stick, there was a line in both windows. One was significantly lighter than the other but there were two lines just the same. Haley had been feeling a little under the weather lately but wouldn't the doctor have picked up on that and if it wasn't hers, that left his mother who had been crying this morning.
Nathan stared down at the stick once again before softly saying to himself, "Whose test is this and why is it a secret?"
Robert Frost wrote, "We dance round in a ring and suppose, while the secret sits in the middle and knows."