AN: 1.11
Wind
He holds onto the hope that one day he'll stop disappointing the people he cares about.
Holder knows it doesn't take a lot to lose a person's trust and he knows he has to move mountains to gain it back. But he's willing to move that mountain, one pebble at a time, if it's worth it. And with his family, it's always worth it.
This time, he makes sure to plan things out in advance so things go off without a hitch. He picks up the gifts the day before and keeps them in the backseat of his car in case he forgot, and plans when to leave the island so he'd get there on time. He calls his sister and leaves her a couple of voicemails saying he'll be there for sure. He's excited every time he glances into the backseat and can't wait to see the look on Davie's face when he gives them to him.
But then he finds himself conceding more time and delaying his plans. Something is going on with his partner's son and he's confronted with a dilemma.
And he apologizes to them the way he always does but this time, he means it. Still, the words and the desperation is the same and he knows that there is nothing he can really say to make it different.
It never occurs to him that he should ditch Linden. Maybe the person he once was would have but it is not who he is now.
Regardless, he still checks his phone for missed calls or text messages. He makes a couple of more calls, hoping maybe they'd pick up and he can explain himself in person. He's afraid they won't check their voicemail until tomorrow or the end of the week or something. He wants a sign that they've at least heard his messages but he receives none.
He and Linden eat and talk life, philosophy and tattoos. He educates her on his path to self-actualization but she doesn't seem to get it. They find a pocket of peace in the midst of their hectic day but it doesn't last long.
It is not until things get desperate that Holder forgets about the parade. It's the only time he sees Linden cast aside her work completely and let her emotions drive her. It shakes him to see her this way and he can't imagine leaving her to do this alone.
He finds himself restraining her as she screams and thrashes and kicks him back.
"It's not him, Linden!"
"It's NOT him!"
And then, they're both holding their breaths, frozen where they stand as the John Doe is identified.
And it's not him.
But the fear has gripped Linden so hard that the flood of relief is painful. She stumbles to a vaguely private area and lets it out and out and out. Holder doesn't know how to manage this side of Linden but he's there with a tentative hand on her shoulder and all the patience in the world.
He stays with her until they make it back to her motel and see Jack waiting at the door.
When Linden's gone, Holder feels more alone that he'd ever been. The regret he'd forgotten about comes back to him full force and there is nobody by his side or hand on his shoulder to tell him he's done the right thing.
His phone rings and it's about the case. The case, Holder figures; he'll make it right again with the case.
-End-