There is a sudden motion on the racetrack as 11 drivers scurry to their podracers. In short order, engines are started and are revving as the drivers waited for the starting signal. A 6-meter tower was situated on the interior side of the track, 3 meters in front of the podracers. A Gamorrean stood at the top of the tower with a huge green flag on a pole. At a lifting gesture from Trobsaerm Doemrehl, they raised the flag straight up into the air. Trobsaerm Doemrehl made a chopping gesture and the Gamorrean swept the flag down.
The race was on!
A loud cheer went up from the crowd in the Arena as 10 podracers leapt from their starting positions. The eleventh podracer sat on the starting line as the driver tried to get their engines to fire.
Fode and Beed looked at each other.
"Looks like we already have a racer with problems," commented Fode.
"It's the newcomer, Jolene Jakkor," answered Beed. "I guess they weren't ready for prime time."
As they watched the driver struggle to get the engines started a tall blond woman in greasy overalls stalked out of a pit box to the podracer. When she reached it she let out a loud, screeching yell and kicked it firmly in the nearest engine pod. The podracer jerked as the engines roared to life. The woman turned around and stalked back, a satisfied smile gracing her face.
"Well, that's not something you see every day," commented Fode as the revitalized podracer roared around the track and rapidly closed on the rear of the pack. "How do you think she did that Beed? The Force?"
"I think she just scared the bejaysus out of it," replied Beed. "I've heard that some humans can do that to inanimate objects."
**TaBa**
Up in the bleachers, Kylo and Rey watched Pharma's engine fix with interest.
"Phasma's not force sensitive, is she?" asked Rey.
"I doubt it," replied Kylo. "She never showed signs of it when we were on the Finalizer."
"So she's just scary beyond all reason then?"
Kylo smiled. "It never does to underestimate Brienne Phasma."
**TaBa**
The podracers rounded the Grand Arena track and headed across the Northern Dune Sea; the more agile drivers start to pull out of the scrum and into an early lead. Kateria's racer is still behind the pack but was coming up rapidly on the three racers in the rear.
As they ran through Starlite Flats she abruptly angled her machine off the straightaway in a bid to pass the majority of the racers and secure a place in the front.
Up in the announcers' booth, both heads of Fodesinbeed blinked in surprise.
"Beed, is Jakkor heading toward the sarlacc?" asked Fode.
"Looks like it, Fode. I didn't know humans were suicidally reckless," replied Beed.
Trobsaerm Doemrehl rumbled a bit and then made a ghastly gurgling sound that was its version of a laugh.
"So in your experience, they've always been, Excellency?" queried Fode.
There was another eructation of sound from the Hutt.
"Oh yes, Excellency, we have to agree," replied Beed. "Skywalkers and Solos are the worst."
They watched the podracer speed straight toward the buried sarlacc. The sarlacc, sensing easy prey, extended its tentacles toward the racer, brushing the bottom of the cockpit. Kateria pulled the racer's nose up. As it skimmed over the tops of tentacles she tossed a small object out. It described a graceful arch and fell directly into the sarlacc's wide maw.
Kateria accelerated, barely clearing the edge of the sarlacc pit. The object exploded with a bright light and an earthshaking noise. The sarlacc screeched, belched, and retreated down into the pit.
Back in the pit box, Phasma watched as Kateria zipped her podracer into the middle of the pack. "You'd better not die," she muttered. "I'll kill you if you do."
Up in the announcers' booth, Fodesinbeed blinked until their vision cleared.
"That was a flash-bang, Beed," exclaimed Fode. "Aren't they prohibited?"
Rumble, Rumble
"His Excellency says the rules don't proscribe them." translated Beed.
Rumble
"But they will be next time," He added.
**TaBa**
"That was amazing!"
"What was, Poe?" inquired Finn. He had wandered over to the food carts and had brought back another sausage in a bun for Poe. He had elected with no great hopes to try a meat pie.
"Weren't you watching?" asked Poe, taking a big bite of his sausage.
"Not really," replied Finn. "I was trying to get our food and keep pickpockets from lifting my wallet. What happened?"
"Jolene Jakkor happened," burbled Poe. "Hey, did you get us anything to drink? This sausage bun is kind of dry."
"I had my hands full, Poe," said Finn dryly. "So what did she do?"
"What did she do?" rejoined Poe. "Just the sweetest bit of flying I've seen since the war! She moved up from last place to just behind the front runners. I could have used her as a wingman when we were fighting the First Order."
"You do remember that Jolene Jakkor is a nom de guerre, don't you?" Finn pointed out.
"A what?" inquired Poe as he licked the sausage grease off his fingers.
Finn stopped short of rolling his eyes. "An alias, Poe. You know she's a …" he looked around. The crowd around them was too involved in the race to pay attention to them.
"She's a Knight of Ren," he finished. "She would be doing her best to shoot you down."
"Whatever," shrugged Poe as he wiped his hands on his shirt to get rid of the last of the grease. "She wins this race and we will get a crapload of credits."
**TaBa**
"It's too bad Snoke kept the Knights of Ren running around the galaxy looking for Force artifacts," commented Hux, as he watched Kateria's antics on the Jumbo Holotron. "I could have used a pilot like her when we fought the Resistance."
"I think she's inexcusably reckless," replied Aurelia. "She would benefit from sessions with a good therapist."
"Well, look who she had for a teacher and an example. Reckless was practically Ren's middle name."
They watched the Jumbo Holotron for a few more minutes, observing how Kateria weaved her podracer around and between the other drivers with an almost careless panache.
The crowd in the Arena plaza appreciated her derring-do. The hooting, yelling, and foot-stomping increased to almost painful levels, and several beings pushed, slithered, or rolled through the press to see if they could make a late bet on the red-haired driver.
In a bit of interesting irony, if the crowd wasn't so thick Aurelia and Hux would have noticed that they were only about 50 meters away from Poe and Finn.
Aurelia sighed. "I'm tired, my feet hurt, and the heat is becoming rather oppressive. I would like for us to try again to work our way through the crowd and return to the Ghost."
"As you wish," Hux responded. Truth to tell, he had had his fill of the crowd and he wasn't particularly interested in the outcome of the Boonta Eve Classic. "Just keep hold of my hand."
**TaBa**
"We're back from a short commercial break," announced Fode. "And as the racers speed across Hutt Flats to the Arena and completion of the first lap, let's do a recap of the action. Beed?"
"Thank you, Fode," acknowledged Beed. "This has certainly been an exciting first lap. We've seen some amazing driving, especially from newcomer Jolene Jakkor."
Trobsaerm Doemrehl gargled a long set of syllables, finishing with a flourish and hocking a luggie into a nearby spittoon.
"Beed," ventured Fode. "I think His Excellency wants us to cut the color commentary and focus on the crashes and racer leaderboard positions."
"Right, right," responded Beed. "Let's start with the crashes then. Our first causality was fairly early in the first lap. Büyük Yarışçı hit a wall in Waldo Grade. The vibration brought a rock formation down on him."
"Yarışçı's a Xexto. They're spindly but tough." Fode commented. "And with six limbs they should be able to dig themselves out rather quickly."
"The podracer is a loss, though," observed Beed laconically. "Our next causality was Gran Corredor. They miscalculated their distance from the walls and crashed just before they cleared the Notch. They're alive, but their racer is totaled."
"Duuliye Weyn is the next driver to - oh dear."
"What happened, Beed?" asked Fode.
"Freak accident. They were under a rock formation in Mushroom Mesa when a huge boulder fell off and crushed their podracer."
"Flat?" Fode inquired.
"Flat," agreed Beed. "They appear to be the first fatality."
"Duuliye Weyn was a Sulituan, weren't they?"
Beed looked at the race lineup on his datapad. "Yes, they were, Fode."
"I suppose it cracked their shell like a Berbersian crab." quipped Fode.
"Isn't that a rather insensitive thing to say, Fode?"
Rumble, rumble, gargle, Spit-ooie!
See Beed, His Excellency agrees with me."
"Go to commercials, Fode."
**TaBa**
When Kateria's racer roared into the Arena she noticed with relief that the other racers were pulling in for stops at their respective pit boxes. As she maneuvered over to her box a very angry Phasma stomped over to her podracer.
"Don't you ever pull a stunt like that again!" she yelled, eyes flashing.
"It worked, didn't it?" smirked Kateria. "I need to top off my fuel and get back on the track."
"On it."
Phasma quickly topped off the tanks. Then she pulled out a metal container from her overalls.
"What's that?" asks Kateria suspiciously.
"It's a fuel additive," answered Phasma. She looked at the label. "It's called Liquid Schwartz."
"Never heard of it," said Kateria. "Is it safe?"
"I'm pretty sure it is," replied Phasma. "I got it at Akim's Munch from a little bronze guy with weird eyebrows. It's supposed to supercharge your podracer."
"Pour it in. I trust you."
Phasma tipped the liquid into the racer and slapped the shields shut. "Now go out and win the race, Red."
**TaBa**
"Really Fode? A commercial for The Stargazer Grill Restaurant after a crude comment comparing Duuliye Weyn to a Berbersian crab?" Beed hissed in a sotto voice.
"The camera is on, Beed," Fode hissed back. They both looked toward the camera and harrumphed a bit.
"And we're back with more exciting action from this year's Boonta Eve Classic, the largest and most prestigious pod race in the galaxy!" proclaimed Fode. "Over to you, Beed."
"Thank you, Fode. Our racers have completed the first lap and a scheduled pitstop and are back on the track. Now let's take a look at the leaderboard." The Jumbo Holotron screens displayed a graphic next to the image of Fodesinbeed.
"As you can see from the graphic, Tulbax Bhawaisi, a Dug from Makastare is currently in first place, followed closely by Rasiwr Gwych, a Veknoid from Moonus Mande in second place, and Veľký Pretekár, a Kulless from Gerres Gule in third."
"What about Jakkor?" asked Fode. "The crowd liked her maneuver with the sarlacc."
"She's in fifth place," answered Beed. "But I'm sure she'll move up in the standings."
"She's good," agreed Fode. "I don't think she can beat Tulbax Bhawaisi, though. He's a seasoned driver and she's a newcomer."
Veľký Pretekár will give her some trouble, too," mused Beed. "He's normally a careful driver, but he can get careless when he's too far behind."
Out on Starlite Flats Veľký Pretekár drove their racer slightly off track as they tried to get around Rasiwr Gwych. As they zoomed past the edge of the sarlacc pit a long tentacle snaked out and wrapped around the podracer cockpit. Pretekár grabbed the tentacle and tried to pull it off their podracer. But the sarlecc wrapped a second tentacle around the racer and pulled it inexorably down into the pit. After a few minutes, there was a small burp.
"Careless," commented Fode.
"If the field team gets to them fast enough they should survive," commented Beed. "Might be missing a limb or two."
**TaBa**
The race progressed through the second lap and the causality list piled up as one driver after another fell foul of the treacherous conditions.
Manuia Tele. a Bardottan from Bardotta was taken out of competition permanently by the krayt dragon after they blew an engine at Laguna Caves.
Tuicha Carrera, a Sneevel from Sneeve lost control in Jetts Chute in a hairpin turn when they overcorrected and bounced off the opposite wall. They were injured and out of the race but will live to race another day.
**TaBa**
"This has been a brutal race, Beed," declared Fode.
"Lost another driver?" quipped Beed.
"Nla Isare was getting a bit cocky," replied Fode. "They tried to muscle around the front runners and tipped their racer too far just before the Devil's Doorknob."
"Let me guess, Fode. They fell over."
"Correct, Beed. Isare was ejected when the racer landed on its top."
Beed singled the camera operators to zoom in on the accident. "Well, the field team got Isare on a stretcher and out of the way."
"They better move fast on the wreckage or we're going to have a pile up in the Devil's Doorknob," observed Fode.
**TaBa**
From a starting lineup of 11 podracers, the field has been reduced to just 4.
- Tulbax Bhawaisi, the Dug driver and the crowd favorite to win is holding onto first place as the drivers approach the Devil's Doorknob.
- Rasiwr Gwych, the Veknoid driver, is holding onto second place by the skin of their teeth (large, sharp, impressive teeth). They're still moving but the racer sustained damage when the Sand People camped at Canyon Dune shot at them in the second lap.
- Wielki Wyśc, the Xamster driver, miscalculated the clearance in the Corkscrew and scraped their racer down one wall. The damage hasn't disabled it but they're losing speed and are in danger of losing their third-place position.
- And holding onto fourth place, a grim Jolene Jakkor.
**TaBa**
Kateria grit her teeth and hunkered down in the cockpit. Her podracer vibrated as she increased speed. She was confident that the repairs she and Phasma made would hold - well, most of them. The strut holding the left engine pod had her a bit worried.
The surviving drivers were approaching the Devil's Doorknob. Kateria thought it was a stupid name for a thin opening between the cavern walls. You have to tip your racer on its side to make it through. But she was in fourth place, and she needed to move up to second to have a chance of winning.
With a quick prayer to the Great Bird of the Galaxy, she tipped her podracer on its right side 100 meters before the opening and weaved it around the other three drivers. They tried to block her, but her combat reflexes from her time as a Knight of Ren, while a bit rusty, were enough to get her to the Doorknob at the front of the pack.
With a judicious application of the Force (not proscribed - yet), she kept her racer delicately balanced on its side as she squeezed through the narrow opening.
**TaBa**
In the announcers' booth, Fodesinbeed was quivering with excitement.
"Did you see that?" screeched Fode. "That was an amazing come-from-behind maneuver from Jolene Jakkor!"
"Amazing," agreed Beed. "Her podracer was so precisely balanced going through the Devil's Doorknob you'd think the Force was involved."
"I didn't think there were any Force users on the circuit," commented Fode.
There was a gulping sound as Trobsaerm Doemrehl swallowed down a Klatooine paddy frog from the snack bowl next to his throne.
Urk! Rumble, rumble, crunch - Blaaa!
"And there you have it folks," concluded Beed. "His Excellency says there are no Force users in this year's race."
Rumble
"But just in case they will be prohibited next year."
**TaBa**
Kateria righted her podracer, which landed with a 'whump' and nearly shook the left engine pod loose from the cockpit connector cable. The Arena was right in front of her, just on the other side of Hutt Flats. She had this. A quick run across the Flats, one more circuit of the Arena, and across the finish line in first place.
Well, first place as long as she could stay ahead of the Dug driver. They were right on her tail, maybe a length behind.
The other two drivers were no problem. The Veknoid's podracer had been damaged by the Sand People camped at Canyon Dune. They had barely made it through the Doorknob and were slowly losing power as they tried to make it across the Flats. The Xamster driver had taken damage in the Corkscrew and was currently running a distant fourth.
Kateria risked a quick look behind. Sithspit, the Dug was right behind her and to the left of her racer. She gritted her teeth and leaned over the controls, running full throttle toward the Arena entrance.
"Come on Schwartz," she muttered, hoping the stuff Phasma added to the fuel would give her racer a few more ergs of power. Tulbax Bhawaisi was right next to her. Both racers were counting their lead in centimeters. First one edged ahead, and then the other. The loose dirt and sand on the Flats swirled around the racers, reducing visibility for both drivers.
They entered the Arena side by side. Tulbax Bhawaisi tried to sideswipe Kateria's podracer but she managed to avoid the maneuver. The crowd in the bleachers screeched, hooted, and howled in excitement. As both racers approach the finish line a rogue wind from the Flats blew into the arena, obscuring the view for both the drivers and the fans in the seats.
**TaBa**
Fodesinbeed squinted down at the finish line, looking for some indication of who crossed first.
"See anything Beed?" asked Fode
"Not really, but there should have been a holocamera recording the finish."
Beed signaled the holovideo crew to pull up the footage from the arena floor. Both heads peer at the image. Two racers are crossing the finish line almost simultaneously. The holovideo crew fiddled with the controls to clear up the holo.
"Well Beed," declared Fode. "one of the racers was ahead by a nose. But it's hard to tell which one."
They both peered at the holo, looking for something that would indicate which driver was the winner.
"Are those red tentacles?" asked Fode.
"Where?"
"Look at the driver in the winning racer. Red tentacles everywhere."
Beed focused on the image. "I believe you're right, Fode. And I told you before, humans call it 'hair', not tentacles."
"Let's call Jakkor the winner then."
**TaBa**
Down on the arena floor, the dust settled at the finish line. Tulbax Bhawaisi congratulated Kateria on the win. Wielki Wyśc's racer slowly crossed the finish line 10 standard minutes later to capture 3rd place. Rasiwr Gwych's racer made it into the arena but died before reaching the finish line.
Phasma was slowly making her way from the pit box to the finish line so she could pry Kateria out of the cockpit. She wasn't sure if she wanted to kiss Kateria or slug her, and settled simply for "Come on Red, let's see what we need to do to get our winnings."
Author's Notes: Summary -11 drivers are posed to win the Boonta Eve Classic, and Kateria is one of them. If you think this reads like a NASCAR race commentary, well, yeah. It's a useful template.
I'm back! The knee surgery went well - just like new. :-) It took me a while to get back to writing, though. When you step away for a while it's a bit difficult to gear up the ol' brain cells. I do hope this chapter was worth the wait. Once I got into the groove it was a fun one to write.