Return to Memory

Chapter 9: Impossible

This was impossible. Completely and utterly impossible. How could Jackie remember him? She was just supposed to be a Gallifreyan woman with a beautiful daughter.

It appeared that Bad Wolf had a different plan.

The Doctor stood there, his mouth gaping like a fish, staring at Jackie with disbelief. He couldn't reply to her question, but she was (for once) patient, and stood there with her arms crossed. He looked at her face. She was slightly younger-looking, she had time lines, and he could tell that she still had mental barriers. She was as much Gallifreyan as he was. But it also appeared that she remembered him.

He realized his mouth was still hanging open, so he closed it gently. He tried to find his voice in the midst of the hope that sprung in his chest. If Jackie could remember him, did that mean that Rose soon would? He tried to pull himself together as Jackie's eyebrow began to twitch, showing her characteristic impatience.

"Well, Doctor? Why do I remember two planets, two homes, two physiologies, two everything? And why are you involved in both of them, you bloody alien?" She shouted at him. The friendly stuffed animals in the box failed to make this encounter seem friendly any longer.

He cleared his throat. Only one thing to do, really. Improvise and babble until she thought he knew what he was talking about. "Oh, well, you know, shock of your daughter finding a courting partner. Could cause hallucinations-"

"Rubbish! What's really going on?" She interrupted angrily.

He should have known better than to try to lie to a Gallifreyan mother. "You remember two lives because you lived them." He replied.

Her anger faded a bit, but she still looked irritated. "Which life is real?"

He looked to the ceiling, attempting an air of confidence. "Weeeell…both of them, really."

"How is that possible?" She was calm now, sitting down on a box. He sat across from her, feeling a bit awkward.

"Rose."

At the mention of her name, both of them quieted. A sort of peace settled over them. Jackie's demeanor settled into one that he recognized, and he felt much more comfortable talking to her. Before Rose had changed everything, he and her mum had actually grown much more comfortable with each other. He had hoped to ask for Rose's hand the next time he visited. Now, he had a similar goal. He just had to go through the Gallifreyan marriage traditions instead of those of Earth.

"What did she do?" Jackie asked softly.

He sighed. "It's a long and involved story."

Jackie glared at him, though he knew there was no real malice in it. "We've got a lot of time, Doctor."

He decided to tell her everything that he knew. It would be wonderful to have someone to share this burden with. "Take a close look at your own timelines. What do they converge on?"

She closed her eyes for a moment, and he saw the faint golden glow of her timelines surround her as she sorted through them. After a few minutes, she opened her eyes. "The Time War."

He nodded solemnly. "And what do you know about me from Gallifrey's history?"

She frowned. "You're the hero. You saved us all by stopping the Daleks and returning the vortex to the way it should have been."

A wry smile crossed his lips. "The thing is, Jackie, I'm not the hero. I killed them all. During the Time War. There was no way to end it with everyone alive. There was only one way to destroy the Daleks and stop them from tearing apart the universe. I had to kill them, but by doing that, Gallifrey burned."

She looked at him, silent yet understanding. He continued.

"When you were human, raising your precious Rose on Earth, I was the last of my kind. It wasn't some sad extinction story of being out-competed or killed by another race. I killed my people to stop a war that would have destroyed everything." His voice was beginning to fail him, the feeling of being so alone still fresh in his memory.

Jackie breathed deeply, seeming to sift through her memory to confirm what he had just told her. "I see. And now? What changed? If you killed us all and Gallifrey burned, then how are we all here? And how did I change from a human into a Gallifreyan?"

He glanced at the surprisingly clean floor, afraid to look her in the eye. "Your daughter…" he looked up, and she urged him to continue. "I'm in love with her, Jackie."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, I knew that."

He was glad that she was taking it so well. "We went to visit this temple. She had been acting strange, and I was so tired of avoiding my feelings for her that I decided to tell her how important she was to me. I told her that she was the only thing that had taken away my pain from being alone. I think that's why she did this."

Jackie was getting impatient again. "Did what?"

He took a deep breath. "She made a wish. I can't explain it; I can't even begin to understand it. I think she asked something of the goddess that lived in that temple. I think she asked for Gallifrey back. I think she did this because she didn't want me to be alone." He paused, trying to hide the pain that he felt at her current condition. "And now she doesn't remember who I am. To her, I'm not her best friend. I'm not her love. I'm just a man that is courting her. I don't know what to do." He looked at Jackie, not able to understand why he was telling her all of this. "What if she never remembers me, Jackie? I need my Rose."

Of all the reactions he was expecting, understanding was not one of them. Rose's mum looked at him with such compassion, and it was all he could do to keep the tears in his eyes from falling down his face.

Jackie reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder. The electricity he had with Rose wasn't there, but he felt a strong sense of comfort that he hadn't felt since his own mum had held him as a child. He looked into her eyes and finally lost the battle to his tears as she spoke.

"Doctor, she does love you. She may not know it yet, but her heart knows you and will never forget you. This is your chance to court her properly. Even if she never gets her memories back, she will always be in love with you."

He wiped his tears from his face, embarrassed at having cried in front of Jackie, of all people. She continued.

"I have never seen my daughter happier than when she is with you, in either timeline. She loves you, Doctor. Even this Rose that doesn't have those memories still loves you. I would know. I'm her mum. I had love like this once."

A strong peace flowed through him as she spoke, and he knew that, no matter what, it would all be all right. He would marry Rose, whether she remembered him or not, and he would tell her the stories of their adventures. He would not give up on her just because of a memory problem.

She may never remember him, but she would always be his Rose.

He looked up at Jackie and a great smile broke out across his face. "In that case, Jackie, may I have your permission to court your daughter? May I walk on her right side?"

Jackie beamed at him. "Of course you can, you bloody alien. Just treat her right, or I will give you such a smack you'll feel it in your next regeneration!"

He grinned. "You know, you can't really call me an alien anymore. We're the same species."

She glared at him. "I'll call you what I want. Now go make an honest woman out of my daughter."

He bowed in gratitude, as was the tradition. "Thank you, Jackie. I will not waste this chance to be a proper man for Rose."

He turned and left the storeroom, a smiling Jackie behind him.

Rose stood behind the counter, doing her very best to serve her current patron without her attention wandering. The Doctor and her mum had been in the back room for a very long time, and she was getting rather worried. She strained her ears and stretched her telepathy as far as she could, but she could find no clue as to what was occurring on the other side of the door.

What were they talking about?

Were they discussing her future with the Doctor? Were they talking about how long they would court before choosing whether or not to marry? Were they discussing the terms of their courting? Was Jackie telling him how to romance her and love her?

Or was she fighting him every step of the way, refusing to believe that he would court a woman such as her? Was she rejecting his proposal of courtship? The air to her right seemed irreparably empty at that thought, and she felt great despair at the very thought of not seeing the Doctor every day for the rest of her life.

She was both relieved and terrified when the door she had been staring at out of the corner of her eye burst open. She saw the gleeful look on the Doctor's face, and her mum's calm expression and heaved a sigh of relief. So, she would be allowed to be courted by the Doctor?

His eyes locked with hers across the store and she forgot all about the man who was attempting to buy frozen golanka waffles. She watched the Doctor as he approached her, a grin wider than any she had seen on him before. He stood a respectful distance away from her and bowed his head slightly. Her hearts began to pound ferociously in her chest.

"Rose Tyler, would you accompany me to the fountain?" he said, with barely contained joy in his expression.

She nodded enthusiastically and followed him. Her mum grabbed the customer's money out of her hand, though she barely noticed as the Doctor held the door open for her.

Jackie quickly finished the transaction with the customer and shoved a 'closed' sign in front of the register. The remaining people in line groaned until Jackie exclaimed, "My daughter's about to be asked to court and I'm not missin' it!"

The people in the store, also being of the lower class, had never seen an official courting proposal either. They eagerly followed her out of the store to watch from a distance as the Doctor and Rose stood next to the fountain in the middle of the square.

Rose was nervous. Well, she was more than nervous. To be fair, nobody in her class ever courted this way. They went on a few dates and the mothers arranged a dowry for the couple. They were married with little ceremony at the small courthouse down the road and moved on.

But this…the way the Doctor treated her, she could have been royalty. He showed her so much more respect than she felt she deserved. He treated her like she was the noblewoman and he was the lower-working class. He made her feel so special, and she had never thought a man could make her feel this way.

They stood in front of the fountain, and she was well aware that all the eyes in the square were now on herself and the man in front of her. She was a bit embarrassed at all the attention, but then she looked at the Doctor's face and the rest of the world fell away.

The sun was shining through the falling water of the fountain, making the light dance on his face. His impossibly ancient eyes looked at her softly, but there was a power behind them that made her shiver. His mouth quirked in a smile as he looked at her, and she wondered what he was thinking. His face was gentle and peaceful, and he looked like he might be the happiest man alive.

Something flashed in her vision.

A temple with a golden sunset. A still mirrored pond. His expression soft and beautiful in the dying light.

Words from his lips that made her heart pound.

I love you.

And a kiss.

She blinked and it was gone, but she knew somehow that this was more than a fantasy. She let herself focus on what might be the most important moment in her life. She could contemplate her visions later.

He grinned at her after a moment, and she wondered why. Then he motioned for her to sit on the side of the fountain. She did this and was surprised to see him get down on his knees on the dirt path. He rested his hands on his legs and sat back on his heels directly in front of her. The light from the water was still reflected on his face. He looked up at her reverently.

"Rose Tyler, I met you a week ago and I am still reeling from your first gaze. I have shown you the things I have to offer you, but I know that they will never be enough. I am not worth your light, but I ask you to forgive me of that debt."

His eyes bored into hers as he began to recite the courting rights.

"I have seen you from afar, and I have exchanged words with you while near. I know you so little from what time I have spent with you, but I wish to know more. I have spoken with your rightful guardian and asked her permission. I have been granted all but one thing I need to complete this happy circumstance."

She felt tears building up in her vision, his words so beautiful and yet she wished he would get to the part that she could say yes.

"Will you grant me the right to touch your hair? To walk on your right side and provide you with the essentials of life? Will you give me the chance to show you the husband I might make, in hopes that you may someday accept me in that position?"

She laughed through her tears, her joy overwhelming. She managed a, rather loud, "Yes!"

He grinned and joined in her laughter. He rose from his knees and dipped one hand in the fountain. She waited patiently, knowing he was not finished.

"Then may I touch your hair with a clean hand, to bless our hope for the future?"

She nodded and closed her eyes as his hand ran through her hair. She felt it slide through the strands gently, and desperately wished he could touch her skin, too. She was still far too aware of the substantial crowd that had gathered to pull his hand to her face like she wanted to.

He sat beside her on the rim of the fountain, and she felt brief disappointment as he dropped his hand from her hair. He met her gaze again and she felt a shot of liquid warmth flow through her body. She couldn't believe this man, who had seemingly fallen from the sky and saved her life, grabbing her hand and telling her to run.

Wait…what?

That wasn't how they met. They met in her mum's shop. Strange. Her mind was making up grand stories. She snapped out of her confusion when the Doctor once again began to speak, though the courting rights were finished.

"May I offer you a token of my affection?"

She wondered why he was still speaking so formally, until she noticed that there was still quite a crowd around them. She nodded, her throat tight with emotion.

He reached into his jacket and pulled out a small box. When he opened it, she heard all the people behind him gasp. When he pulled the shimmering gift from the box, she felt her own breath catch.

"Doctor?" she said softly.

He smiled and held it up for her to see properly. It was a beautiful silver and blue necklace, the metal glistening in the light. The blue stones seemed to have a light of their own and they glowed in the afternoon light. She couldn't believe he had done something like this. This wasn't a gift for her! It couldn't be! It was far too beautiful for a simple shop girl.

Then she saw the look in his eyes and knew he thought more of her than that. She knew he intended to treat her like a queen and she couldn't help her excitement at the prospect. He stood and walked to her mother, who had tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Madame Tyler, would you bless our courtship?" He handed her the necklace, which she took reverently.

Jackie nodded enthusiastically, walking proudly to Rose, who stood. She couldn't believe this was happening, even after the Doctor made his intentions clear. He was going above and beyond the traditions of their society to make her feel special.

She turned away and lifted her hair, so that her mum could put the necklace on more easily. The warm metal hit her skin and she gasped. It felt so light, but she could feel the smooth stones against her collarbone and smiled. She felt her mum secure the clasp, so she dropped her hair and reached forward to feel the stones that rested against her neck. She felt like a queen, and when she glanced at the Doctor, she knew she looked like one.

He held out his hand to her and she walked to his side. He ran his hand through her hair and then dropped it beside him, walking through the opening in the crowd with her at his side. They left the silent group behind them, heading to the TARDIS to discuss their lives in private. The women behind them wept at the display, but none cried as happily as Jackie Tyler. Her daughter was going to have a wonderful courting partner, and then a wonderful husband, in this man. She just hoped her memories would return.

She didn't want to think of what it would do to the Doctor if they didn't.

When they reached the TARDIS, Rose felt in her heart that she was home. She couldn't wait to see what tomorrow would bring.

Her mind flashed again, and she watched the vision with interest.

A cold, dark room. Hundreds of figures stalking towards her.

A hand in hers.

"Run."

A/N: So, what did you think? I wanted to explore the courtship ways of Gallifrey a bit in this one. Let me know what you thought! I love reviews, I really do! I'll try to update again soon!

With Love,

doctorrosetyler