AN: So, Red and Lizzie are going shopping. No biggie.

As always, I own nothing from the Blacklist except for my angst.

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Chapter 5

Lizzie stepped out of the Mercedes to the very expensive, very chic looking exterior of La Perla. She found it amusing that, while she occasionally came a cross headless torsos in her line of business, they typically weren't gussied up in silk and lace like those in the display…though with serial killers it was not out of the realm of possibility. She laughed nervously and felt terribly underdressed. She sincerely hoped this excursion would not involve a "Pretty Woman" moment.

Red ushered her in with a solicitous hand to her back and they were immediately greeted by a salesperson.

"Mr. Reddington, it is so lovely to see you again, it's been far too long! The severely elegant blonde gushed. She moved to take Red's hands in hers and Red kissed her once on either cheek.

"Sylvia, you are a vision as always! How is your delectable wife? Still chasing you 'round the house, I'm sure." He pulled back, holding Sylvia by the shoulders, as if assessing her health.

The blonde blushed, "Well, that's what I get for marrying someone twenty years my junior. Thanks for asking, Red. She is a constant blessing." Sylvia turned to Lizzie, with a generous smile. "And you must be the formidable Agent Keene. Why, you're even more radiant then he described. I do hope you are keeping him in line, my dear. A notorious criminal like Mr. Reddington needs a firm hand, for his own good. But I'm certain you know that better then I." She winked at Lizzie.

"Now Sylvia, don't tell her all my secrets. Where's the fun in that?" Red smiled, and clapped his hands. "Now, on to business. I trust you pulled everything? I apologize for the lack of warning."

"But of course, I have them waiting in the private room. If you'll just follow me?" She smiled at Lizzie, who stood staring at Red.

Her stare quickly intensified to a glare. Hands on her hips, legs akimbo, Lizzie confronted Red. "What did you do? Did you call ahead to pick out UNDERWEAR for me? Are you serious?" Lizzie was of a mind to hightail it out of there. This was getting weird.

Hands outspread and with a placating expression, he advanced towards her slowly. "Lizzie, please don't be upset. I understand we have a limited amount of time and budget, so I called to have her pull a few things in your approximate size that should suit your needs. I have a few other places that I would truly love to take you to, and would hate for us to waste unnecessary time searching for what you need. Please forgive me if you feel offended. I was only trying to help." Red resembled a contrite little boy.

Liz wasn't buying his act. "Red, this isn't your first time around the block. I know better then your Russian vampire model. However, because I am a practical individual, I will overlook the affront." She glared again, "And that you somehow know my size…I really don't want to know how you figured it out."

She leaned in close to him and poked his sternum. "But listen well, sweetheart, if you pull something like this again, I'll continue my shopping at Wal-Mart, and make certain you have to see me every day in something you find offensive. We're talking rayon, cotton-poly blend and…mauve." The menace in her voice was unmistakable. Like every threat she troubled to make, Lizzie meant it.

Undaunted, Red smiled again, nodding. "Yes, Lizzie, I'll do my best. Now please follow Sylvia so we can get on to things and we don't have to explore how your threats stimulate me." He pursed his lips and raised an eyebrow.

Lizzie sighed and followed Sylvia. As they entered a private room beyond the dressing area, she saw that a tidy selection was assembled over a velvet covered table. Several expensive mirrors adorned the walls and the lighting was about the strength of strong candlelight. The effect was seductive…

Red took off his coat and threw his hat on a chaise lounge. He sat down and kicked his feet up, giving Lizzie an appraising look. "Well, Lizzie, let's get on with it then."

There were moments in their relationship that Lizzie had been disappointed, scared, confused, excited, and sad as well as a complex cocktail of other emotions she was reluctant to define. For as long as she lived, Lizzie would remember the first moment when she first felt truly murderous towards Red. As the feeling begin to wash over her, she savored it. Rage, with a dash of homicidal mania – yes, that's right. I can also feel a bit of berserk coming on. That's interesting.

Lizzie turned around and did her best not to stomp her feet as she approached the chaise. "Red," she said flatly, "I do hope you're joking about watching me try on lingerie. And if I were you, I'd find something else to occupy myself for the next twenty minutes. That is, if you don't want to travel with a colostomy bag for the rest of your career." She smiled, without any sweetness.

Red didn't quite pale, but surprisingly also didn't fight her. He stood up, resigned. "I had to try…and you might need a second opinion…"

Lizzie smile widened ferally, showing her teeth. "It seems like Sylvia has it handled as she both appreciates the female form and is one herself. I'm fine with consulting her. Now, toddle off." She waved her hand towards the door.

Red slunk out of the room, hat in hand. "If you need me for anything, anything at all, I'll be right…" The door slammed behind him. "…here."

Red perched on the bench outside, hoping to hear some of the undressing and dressing. He strained to catch the sound of sliding of silk on her warm skin, or of corset laces being pulled tight. He could hear nothing at all, unfortunately. Still, he smirked, unrepentant. Wait to we get to Etienne's.

Inside, Sylvia and Lizzie quickly waded their way through some impractical bustiers, corsets and waists. Lizzie vetoed a very severe and uncomfortable looking merry widow fashioned out of…leather? She raised her eyebrow at the blonde.

Sylvia smirked, "Special request from the gentleman…along with this. She held up a lovely matching bra and bikini set in a stunning blue lace. It looked like one of the most practical things on the table, but was still absolutely beautiful.

Lizzie quickly tried it on. Sylvia stood behind her, and caught her eye after she turned to the side to check out the fit. "I'd say that's a keeper, much like Mr. Reddington out there," the blonde grinned, "but you already know both of those things.

"Might I also suggest these," she held up similar sets in nude lace and black satin. "And you can't go wrong with this," she pointed to a lovely night gown and robe in the same blue. "I will admit that these are all from our most comfortable collection, but they're some of my favorites. While some lingerie is meant only for the bedroom, I believe that there is something about wearing pretty undergarments under your work clothes that puts a spring in your step."

Liz paused, "I would love to, Sylvia, but I think all of that would total my monthly salary. I'll just take this set."

Sylvia leaned in, "Nonsense, love, we're having a special, ah…redline sale today, this whole collection is severely marked down. No one wants comfortable couture lingerie anymore." The woman abruptly turned around and began gathering the pieces.

Lizzie eyed her movements, suspiciously. "Sylvia, you know what I do at the FBI? I'm a profiler. I study people all day long whether in or out of the office. You could say it's my besetting sin. So please don't be offended when I tell you that I think…scratch that…I know, that you're lying."

The saleswoman looked at her, wide-eyed and ready to protest. Lizzie quickly continued, "Now I think you're a nice person, and I realize that Red asked you for a favor. I'd like to ask you another. I'll give you $100 to put towards this lot, and I'm certain that Red will be billed for the rest, as he likely planned. However, I don't want him to know what I'm getting, or even know that I chose anything just yet. I'll wear the blue out if you don't mind and would be much obliged if you could ship the remainder to this address." Lizzie wrote down her address on the back of her card.

Sylvia grinned broadly, "Oh you're a match for him alright. I can't wait to see how this pans out." She rubbed her hands together in glee.

Lizzie smiled. She supposed that it wasn't much of a victory, as Red still got what he wanted in the end, but she would take what she could get. She dressed and composed her face into a slightly woebegone expression, exciting the room.

Red looked up expectantly from the bench. "So Lizzie, be a pal and tell me if anything worked. The red lace, the purple satin? The leather? Please tell me you liked the leather – it's very crime-fighter meets Catwoman, don't you think?" The man could barely contain himself with anticipation.

Lizzie clamped down on the laughter that threatened to bubble out, and said levelly, "None of those particular pieces worked. I think Target is more my speed." Red's mouth opened in shock. He caught himself before he started to stutter.

She smiled at Sylvia and thanked her for her time. Red belatedly followed after her, trying to catch up while still processing the unthinkable. "Nothing worked? That's some of the finest lingerie available! Not a single piece?"

He rushed ahead of her to open the car door and to catch her eyes. Lizzie smirked, and tapped Red's nose in an uncharacteristically playful gesture. "Now Red, you really need to listen more closely. I implied that none of the pieces you named worked for me."

She leaned in so her lips almost brushed his ear, "I loved the blue lace set. In fact, I loved it so much that I bought it."

Red looked at her hands, "But where…" She raised her eyebrow and he finally understood.

He stepped back and gave her the once-over. "Agent Keene, you never cease to amuse and entertain. I look forward to contemplating that mental image for many days to come."

She laughed in got in the car. Just wait until he gets the bill. She did a bit of merry contemplation herself until they reached the next stop.

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AN: That's all for now, dear readers. Again, slow and steady wins the race…please read and review!