Chapter Five - The Long Road To Recovery

He held her in his arms for what seemed like forever. They finally pulled apart when the nurse returned with hospital sweats and a pair of crocs. The clothes she went there with was now evidence and she couldn't leave the hospital in only a gown. Dr. Price tried to get Liv a room with a shower but failed. Liv was agitated but Brian was able to distract her with more stories of his time undercover. Brian was good at talking. At times it use to annoy Liv but at that point in that time, hearing his voice helped in reminding her that she was alive.

The screaming of Mrs. Mayer returned but the actual woman had long gone from that hospital by then.

Liv experienced more flashbacks throughout the rest of that evening. She was traumatized and given all she been through, it was normal for her to have the reaction she had. Hearing voices of her attacker, extreme hypervigilance, reliving parts of the ordeal, and even disassociation. The doctor, with Brian's blessing, gave her something to help her sleep. Amaro and Fin left without seeing Liv. They decided to let her rest. Brian stayed by her side the entire night.

He must have gotten forty-five minutes of sleep. He was up all night keeping a watchful eye over Liv. She slept through the night, she slept like a baby. Around sunrise, Brian's exhaustion got the best of him and he fell asleep. At that point, Liv was waking up. They left the hospital as soon as possible. They took a cab all the way back to Brian's apartment. On the ride there, they sat in silence. The road to recovery had begun and the silence screamed so loud.

They arrive at Brian's apartment, he tries to pick up loose clothing hanging around. Brian's apartment is a lot smaller than Liv's apartment. A quaint little bachelor pad with a conjoined living room and kitchen.

A black and leather two seated sofa sits next to the smokey gray and leather recliner. Brian's mom is often dropping by to redecorate her wife-less son's apartment. His apartment may be small and quaint but it's also laid out. Salt and pepper colored carpet. Grey walls. A glass end table that's used as a hang out place for his sports magazines and ugly skull head.

Brian's into music. He has a stereo system that is noticed when you gaze up at the speakers built into each corner of the walls. Where was the stereo itself? The stereo is inside of his door-less bedroom.

Four steps separated the sole bedroom that takes up almost the entire apartment. Silk black sheets, a tall night lamp, a 38-inch flat screen built into the wall, two dressers (one wide, the other tall), and a collection of DVD's sitting on the taller dresser. The one window inside the apartment is in the bedroom but Brian has a tall, cherry wood colored, chest blocking any view. The bathroom door is the only other door inside the apartment. It sits in the middle of the kitchen and living room.

Liv, who is now wearing the hospital's sweats with her, heads straights for his bathroom. Brian follows behind her shortly after. "Hey. Let me draw your water. You go sit down. Let me do everything."

Liv is grateful to have Brian but now more than ever, she wants only to be alone. "It's ok Bri-I? I just wanna take a quick shower, get down to the station. Give my statement." She nods her head.

Brian always admired and resented Olivia's inability to accept help. Perhaps that's what immediately attracted him to the independent woman. "I'm sure they're not expecting you Liv. Maybe you should wait."

Liv voice comes out nonchalant but Brian senses her defense when she says, "please don't tell me what I should do." She realizes her attitude when Brian's stare breaks. "Sorry," she sighs.

"It's ok. Whatever you want to do, we'll do. You lead I follow right?" Brian says, reminding Liv of their shared motto.

The look on Brian's face alarms Liv. He's clueless. He wants to be the man he vowed to be after their last disagreement. A man who's not against being effectionate. A man who's not scared shitless of showing his emotions. He made that vow before he ever knew anything about her kidnapping. That only meant that he had to give one million instead of one hundred. That means he has to bring his A game. He has to put his game face on.

Only. His game face could defeat the forlorn face he wears in this moment. He's trying to perk up but he can't bring himself to even fake happiness. He's afraid that Liv may notice but she doesn't. No, Liv is too busy trying to invent a tough-girl facade to notice Brian's demeanor. He, however, notices Liv's demeanor. At the hospital, Brian witnessed her fighting off flashbacks, occasionally puking, and screaming so loudly that his ears still rings. Not once did Brian see Liv express any voluntary signs of fragility.

"I'll clean up a bit. Make some breakfast..." As Brian talks, Liv walks closer and closer to the bathroom door. "Get it cozy enough, right, how you like it.. We'll go. We'll go to the station when you're done. We'll go wherever you wanna go Liv."

"Uh." Liv blinks her eyes. A look of apprehension comes across her face. She allows her mind to think of absolutely nothing. "We'll go after I'm done."

"Ok," Brian answers. He wants nothing more than to brush her hair out of her face. "Liv?" Brian calls out her name softly when he notices her nose wrinkling.

"Yea?"

"You don't have to be anything with me." Brian whispers, hoping to reach his girlfriend. When he noticed her nose wrinkle, he realized what's happening. She wants to be vulnerable but she feels she needs to keep up whatever facade's she's forming. He just wants her to give it all to him. Her weakness, her humiliation, her pain, and her fear. Brian wants to take it all.

"Can you grab me one of your shirts and a pair of jeans?" Liv's face scrunches and Brian realizes that she's no longer able to hide her fragility. She wipes the hair out of her face for the first time in forever and stares Brian in his eyes. "He got to me Bri." Her tears flow from her eyes. Her shoulders shake.

Brian attempts to console Liv but as he grabs for her, she backs away. "What do you mean by that?" Brian watches Liv open the bathroom door. He has no choice other than to give her what she wants. And what she wants is to be left alone.

She enters the bathroom and closes the door behind her. The bathroom was surprisingly spacious. There is room enough for a medicine cabinet hidden behind a mirror, a wide vanity that extends inches away from the door to the toilet, and a see through shower stall that fits about three people at once.

Brian begins picking up the mess of clothing and day old pizza crumbs in his living room.

Liv takes small steps towards the shower.

Brian heads to his bedroom where he throws all the loose clothing into the chest.

Liv slides back the shower door and turns on the water. She becomes paralyzed. Her eyes glazes as she stares at the water pouring down.

Brian makes up his bed and fluffs the pillows. When he's done, his eyes aimlessly searches for any kind of mess to pick up. He wants his entire place both clean and secure.

Hurriedly, Liv removes her clothing, ignoring her body pain. She kicks the hospital's crocs off her feet and steps into the shower.

Brian's wiping down all the furniture in the apartment with Windex.

Liv allows the steaming hot water to fall onto her injured body. She grabs Brian's safeguard soap and begins slowly scrubbing her lips.

Brian grabs one of the scented candles sitting on his dresser that Liv gave him for his birthday. He places it on the end table in the living room, heads for the spotless yet empty kitchen, lights the stove, and uses that fire to light the candle. He places the now lit candle back on the end table.

Liv continues to scrub her lips in a slow matter. She closes her eyes and remembers how Lewis shoved his semen down her throat. Her eyes pops open and she begins scrubbing her lips roughly.

Brian is satisfied at the coziness of his apartment. He heads to the kitchen, opens his empty fridge, grabs the only item inside (eggs), and finds a pot in the cabinets.

Liv opens her mouth as the water hits her tongue. Seconds later, she begins scrubbing her entire body. She wants to scrub until she bleeds. She wants to bleach her entire body. The soap helps her body's odor, but bleach may help in getting rid of anything Lewis. As she scrubs everywhere, she tries to ignore her ache. The pain is there. The pain is real but the pain is not more powerful than the dirtiness.

Brian finishes the eggs. He puts it on a plate and makes his way back to the living room.

Defeated by her own body, Liv falls to the floor. She tries to block the memories that are becoming more and more clear as time passes. The fact that she was in that SUV and it flipped over? The fact that she spit in his face on many occasions? The fact that she saved that woman and her kid... Wait? That never happened. Liv takes a small breath and try to focus on reality. Her memories were mixing in with unreal events. There was no woman or child. Right?

For the sake of her sanity, Liv ignores her own thoughts and indulges in the hot water pouring down on her body. She didn't even realize it but tears are bursting from her eyes. She's crying. She can't control the tears. It's over. It's really over. She needs to let it out. She needs to cry out loud. And? She does...

Brian sits on the other side of the bathroom door. His heart is breaking as he listens to her cry. He's dying. He wants so badly to help her but how? How can he fix Liv? What could he do to turn back the clock. To make her forget this entire thing. There ain't nothing I can do.

To Be Continued...